The BLTS Archive- The Changes That Pass
by Riss (usc_mam@yahoo.com)

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This is another in my Philosophy of the Minds series.  They are
separate but related stories that follow the J/P relationship.

Disclaimer - Paramount owns Star Trek. Nuf said...

Feedback and critiques warmly welcomed.

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He's changed. Of course, so have I. We've been in the Delta Quadrant
for over four years, which is long enough to start a new life. For me,
I think I actually have.

When I first came to Voyager I missed everything. I wanted to be in
Starfleet, but I didn't realize it would be so hard to leave my
parents and Libby. That weird time travel thing where I ended up back
on Earth probably made things even harder. After all, how could I
spend a few days with Libby and not miss her when I got back.

But, I think I'm over her now. I sure hope so with the speed I keep
falling for woman on this ship. How could I fall for an ex-Borg? OK,
so she's absolutely gorgeous, but she has the emotional development of
a six year old. Now, I'm back to where Tom and I started, the Delany
twins, except this time I'll stay away from Jenny. I have no urge to
repeat my experience in the water.

But, even if I've changed a lot, Tom's changed even more. He was so
cocky and sure of himself when he came onto this ship. I envied his
ability to just walk onto the ship without telegraphing his newness to
everyone. Hard to believe that the cracks in his facade and the
vulnerability he has shown during this journey are actually
improvements.

I'm worried about him though. This time, I think prison might have
broken his spirit. When he first arrived, he was fresh out of Auckland
and ready to take on the world. He wanted to try everything,
especially the women. Even after our time in that mind control prison,
he was ready to embrace life again as soon as we were rescued. Of
course, considering how sick we were after our feast, it was a short
lived feeling.

But this time, something has changed. I see it in his relationship
with B'Elanna. Scary how much I can tell by how those two interact. I
guess I've become quite an observer of their romantic entanglements. I
think I figured out that those two were going to get together even
before either of them had a clue. They worked so well together during
that Warp 10 experiment that I knew they would one day be together. Of
course, Tom had to straighten up his cocky act before that could
happen, but now they have everything they want.

Something is wrong. I see it every day on the Bridge. He is not the
same man who walked into the brig so confidently over a month ago. He
is not the same man who earned the Captain's respect. I think that is
what has happened, he's lost the Captain's respect. That is the one
thing he has worked for the entire time he's been on the ship. I saw
how crestfallen he was when she wouldn't give him any responsibility
when we first came across the array. The entire Bridge was in chaos,
but she left him standing there doing nothing as she headed to
Engineering. He was so grateful when I let him tag along with me. But
four years changed that, or so he thought.

Before we encountered that floating ocean, I had finally stopped
worrying about him. No longer was he afraid to confide in people and
it was as if he could finally acknowledge that he had true friends who
would give their lives for him, just because. B'Elanna was recovering
from her depression and even forgave him for his part in having the
Cardassian remove that parasite from her body. The two of them were
inseparable unless one of them was on duty or Tom was running the
Captain Proton program again. You'd think that a year into their
relationship they would slow down a little, but I guess they were
making up for all the time they had lost to the doubts they had about
the time that alien stole Tom's body. But the important thing was they
were finally together and happy.

Besides B'Elanna, his life was also on a roll. Suddenly Tom wasn't
just the social butterfly but a true friend to everyone on board.
Whether it was holo-programming with Tuvok, teaching Neelix how to
make the perfect pizza or even joking around with the Doc while
pulling another shift in Sickbay, he was truly an important part of
this ship.

I think the two people he's made the greatest strides with are the
Captain and Commander Chakotay. I remember the first few weeks on
Voyager. The tension between Chakotay and Tom could have been cut with
a knife. But as Tom started to show that his little stunt of rescuing
Chakotay wasn't just a one time thing, and that he would put his life
on the line for anyone on the ship, thinks started to change. Of
course the little charade to capture Jonas' treachery set that respect
back a long way, but in the years since then, they've worked hard to
regain it.

There isn't any one point were I can say that they went beyond just
respecting each other's abilities and became friends, but over the
last year or two, things have been pretty good. While I don't think
that either would call the other their best friend or even chose the
other to confide in, there is something even better than respect and
trust which binds them together. I think it showed through clearly
when Chakotay joined the rest of the crew in condemning the Captain's
choice in punishment for Tom.

Captain Janeway is quite an interesting person. I had never been so
afraid of someone as when Tom and I walked into her office that first
day and she told me to relax. Even in that office I was envious of how
calm Tom was and how she looked at him. If I had not been so nervous,
I probably would have been laughing over the fact that Tom could have
anyone he wanted, even the Captain.

That feeling of his abilities would have been short lived. As soon as
she ordered me to Sickbay while she went down to Engineering, I saw
how little respect or trust she had for Tom. That was really the first
time I saw through his mask of nonchalance. He didn't only want her as
a woman, rather he wanted to be seen as a person by her.

However, something changed while I was down on the planet. He's never
told me exactly what went on, but somehow he managed to earn her
respect. He not only was granted the position of chief helmsman, but
became her friend as well.

When he wasn't busy setting us up with double dates with the Delany
sisters, I used to wonder if maybe their friendship would become
something more. Even after I began wondering if the bickering going on
between him and B'Elanna was more innuendo than anger, I could see the
connection with Janeway. But, he never bothered to pursue it. I know
he didn't realize he was in love with B'Elanna until that Pon Farr
thing, but I think the feeling was there long before.

It was the Captain's feelings where I'm sure they never died.
Sometimes I wonder if B'Elanna will challenge her to a duel for her
man, but she hasn't said anything about it to me. I just see a look
from her as the Captain start flirting again. That hand she always
placed on his shoulder, the looks she gave him during staff meetings,
and the way she always ran to Sickbay when he was injured told me how
she cared for him so much more than any other crewman. A lot of the
crew thinks it's because she sees him as a son. I disagree. She's not
even ten years older than him, and the looks she shoots him are not
those a mother should give to a child. At times she's worse than I was
with Seven.

Now, everything has changed. She barely looks at him on the Bridge. He
can't see the guilt which rests heavy on her features while she can't
see the desire for respect, trust and maybe even something more which
rests on his. I stand at the back and wonder if anyone else sees this.
Are Chakotay and Tuvok blind, or are they just as clueless about what
to do as I am.

So, I stand at the back of the Bridge running one unnecessary
diagnostic after another, reflecting on the changes that have been
made. This time I don't have a crystal ball to predict that Tom and
the Captain will return to what they once had. Maybe there is
something more between them than friendship that is driving this
tension and animosity. Two sides, the ship verses the Captain in
support of Tom, what a change from the when the Captain and Tom seemed
able to take on the world. When finding the traitor on the ship, she
only could trust Tom, and now she can't even face him.

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The End