The BLTS Archive - A Hope in Unison
by Jennifer Presley (jlpresley@aol.com)

---

Disclaimer: All hail Paramount and Viacom, though I'm still stealing
their characters and ship! Lyrics from "Heaven in Your Eyes" by Paul
Dean, Mike Reno, John Dexter and Mae Moore.

Dedicated with deep gratitude and affection to those that have stuck
by me the past couple of months-you know who you are and why I'm
indebted to you more than I could ever say!

---

I don't know when I changed my mind. It could have been a number of
incidents; lord only knows this has been an eventful year. From the
Borg and Species 8472, to the Krenim, the Hirogen and now Arturis.
There were times when I'd felt the most isolation I have experienced
in years, but it was all of my own making. I've been using the pips
gracing my collar as a shield against any and all who might try to get
too close to me. But I can't, not any longer.

I love Chakotay. It still seems odd to admit it, if even only to
myself. I honestly thought that if I ignored my feelings, closed them
off in my mind, I could overcome this perceived obstacle in my path.

How I must have hurt him.

Rejecting him time and time again, with protocol and arguments of
duty. Thoughts of sacrifice-having to live without because it could
endanger my command, my crew. My ship. Gods, what a martyr complex
I've been nurturing.

The brave Starfleet Captain, too deeply steeped in the mystique and
lore of the uniform. See how she withstood the temptations of the
flesh, of the heart. There she goes, her head high, her back straight,
her proud chin presented to all around her. But an empty heart-no
soul.

It must have been laughable to those around me. Chakotay tried so hard
to mask his feelings for me from public view, but those eyes of his.
Those beautiful eyes are a mirror to his soul, and anyone who looked
at him could read the intensity of his feelings for me, his Captain.
Yet, he never once asked more of me than I could give. He never tried
to force me into a relationship, never forced me to acknowledge the
depth of his love because he knew I would feel trapped.

He knew that I felt coerced into something, that I would resent it and
him and any possible relationship between us would be doomed to
failure. But yet, he never left my side. The angry warrior did indeed
keep his pledge, to help ease my burdens without adding to them.

The time has come for me to tell him how I feel. To acknowledge the
precious gift he has given me, and to try and make up the lost
opportunities. But how?

For once, I can't think of anything to do or say that won't seem
wrong. I could walk up to him on the bridge and kiss him in front of
everyone. But no, that would only embarrass him and myself. I suppose
I could call him into my ready room and kiss him without any
witnesses. That wouldn't work either. He could read that as I'm only
willing to have a relationship on my terms, in my territory and
without anyone knowing.

'This is maddening!' I laugh and then shake my head ruefully. I feel
like a teenager again, mooning over Cheb Packer. But it's not the
same. No offense directed towards Cheb, but he never captured my heart
like Chakotay has. I need to be truthful here. None of the past "loves
of my life" have-Cheb, Justin, nor even Mark. They are my past, he is
my future.

Even if I never set foot on Earth again, I know Chakotay will be by my
side. He has proven time and time again, that I can rely on him, that
I can trust him. And that I can love him. I only pray he hasn't given
up on me yet. The possibility exists that he could have decided to
move on, to forget about ever forging a relationship with me.

It is only in my arrogance that I held the belief I could string him
along indefinitely. That I, Kathryn Janeway, held his heart solely in
the palm of my hand. That he could never love anyone else as long as
there was still breath in my body. What an egotistic jerk I have been!

No longer. I have to do something, show him in some way that I care.
That I am ready for a relationship, for a commitment to share our
lives in the deepest, most important way possible. If he'll still have
me. Don't let me have come to this revelation too late.

---

"Janeway to Commander Chakotay." A brief pause, then his warm voice
answered.

"Chakotay here, Captain. Is there something I can help you with?"

Janeway bit her lip before responding. "Actually, Chakotay, I was
calling to see if you would have dinner with me tonight."

He sounded a bit surprised. "I'd love to, Kathryn. What time?"

"1830." She smiled, her nervousness temporarily forgotten. "There is
something we need to talk about."

"I'll be there." Even with 3 decks between them, she could detect the
note of curiosity in his voice. "Should I bring anything?"

"No, that's okay. I'll take care of everything. Janeway out." She
turned and surveyed the room. "That gives me 3 hours to try and decide
what the hell I'm going to do!"

---

At 1830 on the dot, the chime rang. Kathryn took one last look at the
table, making sure she had remembered everything.

"Candles, food, wine." She furrowed her brow, trying to decide if it
was too much. The chime sounding again made her decision for her. It
was perfect.

"Come." She faced the door as it opened, hiding the table from
Chakotay's view as he stepped into the room. He was holding something
in his right hand behind his back, and he was smiling at her.

"Good evening, Kathryn." With a flourish, he presented her with a
single white rose, tipped with red.

"It is beautiful, thank you." Kathryn breathed in the scent, before
moving to get a vase to put it in. Placing it in the center of the
table, she motioned him to one of the chairs. "I hope you're hungry,
Chakotay."

He was giving her the searching look he had perfected, trying to read
her mood. "If it tastes as good as it smells, I am starving."
Grinning, he winked at her. "You didn't do the cooking, I hope."

Kathryn laughed, then shook her head. "No, lucky for you I didn't
cook. Next time however...." Her voice trailed off and she blushed.
She was automatically assuming that there would be a next time.

Chakotay tipped his head to the side, trying to determine what was
different about her. He couldn't put his finger on it, but she seemed
happier, more alive than she had in ages. Between the fact that she
had asked him to a private dinner in her quarters, and that she was
out of uniform for the first time in days that he had seen her, he
couldn't help but be curious. He didn't even want to think about the
fact that the lights were at half-intensity and that two candles
graced the table.

The dinner was delicious, and they talked about a myriad of subjects
as they ate. From Neelix's attempts at making a leola root sundae, to
Tom and B'Elanna's request to share quarters, and the repeated efforts
to draw Seven of Nine into the extended family that Voyager had
brought together. Both trying desperately not to upset the other, and
spoil the lovely evening.

Finally, Chakotay sighed and placed his napkin on the table. "Thank
you, Kathryn. I can't tell you when I last had a meal this good."

"You're welcome, Chakotay. I'm glad you enjoyed it." She stood, and
began to gather their dishes. "I had fun tonight. It's been a long
time since we've had dinner together," She paused before continuing.
"I've missed it." And you, she added on silently.

"Here, let me help you with those." Chakotay quickly grabbed the
remaining dishes, then followed her to the replicator and set them
down next to her. He was standing right behind her when she turned
around, and her breath caught in her throat at his close proximity.

"Oh!"

Chakotay stared at her. He could see the rising color in her cheeks,
and he suddenly felt himself hardening. Their eyes locked, and his
hand begin to rise towards her cheek when he suddenly realized what he
was doing. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you, Kathryn." He
backed away from her, then turned to leave.

"Wait, Chakotay." The plea in her voice stopped him. "Don't go." She
knew this was her only chance to make him realize how much he meant to
her.

Facing her again, Chakotay glanced at the floor before meeting her
gaze. He didn't know what was happening, but instinctively he knew
that if he left, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

She held out her hand. "Will you dance with me?"

He grinned shyly before taking her outstretched hand in his. "I would
like that, Kathryn." He gently pulled her to him, as she issued a
command to the computer.

"Computer, play selection 713." They began to move gently together,
first with his hand holding hers, then she moved closer and wrapped
her arms around his neck as the lyrics began.

Closing his eyes, Chakotay moved his hands to her waist, breathing in
the scent of her hair. He was concentrating so much on the feeling of
holding her so close to him, that at first he didn't realize she was
whispering to him. He strained, trying to understand her, then it
dawned on him that she was repeating the song's lyrics. To him.

//'...You gave me time to find out
What my heart was lookin' for
And what I'm feelin' inside//


//In your eyes
I want to see your love again
In your eyes
I never want this feeling to end
It took some time to find the light
But now I realize
I can see the heaven in your eyes...'//

He drew back, his startled eyes meeting hers. "Kathryn?" She couldn't
be....could she?

Kathryn could read the emotions flitting across his face. Shock. Then
disbelief. Hope. In that brief moment, she knew it wasn't too late. A
smile spread across her face, transforming her features. Drawing his
head down, she kissed him. Moaning, he tightened his arms around her,
then deepened the kiss. He felt her lips opening, then the incredible
sensation of her tongue darting into his mouth.

They were both shaking when they drew apart long moments later.
Chakotay felt a wave of happiness overwhelming him, as he reached up
and caressed her face. "I love you, Kathryn."

Tears gathered in her eyes. "I'm sorry it has taken me so long to
realize what you mean to me, Chakotay. I've been scared to admit it,
even to myself." She tightened her hold on his hand, drawing it up and
pressing it against her left breast. "I love you, and I want to spend
the rest of my life making up for the time we have lost due to my
selfishness."

He wiped the tears from her face, then solemnly replied. "That's a
long time. At least I hope so." He grinned as she stared at him in
confusion, before remembering the time he had spoken those exact words
to her, when they were stranded on New Earth.

"You and me both." Kathryn laughed, then she began to draw him towards
her bedroom. "You and me both."

---

The End