The BLTS Archive - Realization series #1: Realization by plumtuckered (plumtuckered@earthlink.net) --- NOTES: After going back and watching past episodes of Enterprise, I really noticed the looks that the captain gives his chief engineer. There's a picture at startrek.com for the episode "The Catwalk" that just captures their relationship perfectly in my eyes. Hence, this little story. (There's no sex 'cause plumtuckered can't write sex to save her life!) --- Captain Jonathan Archer slipped into engineering then quietly closed the door behind him. He looked around then sighed when his searching eyes fell on Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III. The captain stood watching his friend and chief engineer. The younger man was sitting at a workstation staring blankly at a padd he held in his hand. Jon sighed again. He had known he would find Trip here in the dead of the night. One look at his friend's face told Jon that he had probably spent the last three nights here as well. Enterprise was three days out of space dock and headed toward the area of space known only as The Expanse. The entire crew was on edge but none more than the ship's chief engineer. Trip still hadn't allowed himself to grieve for his little sister, Elizabeth. Jon knew he was holding it all in, clinging fiercely to his emotions so that when the time came, he could unleash his anger and pain on the Xindi responsible for Lizzie's death. Jon tilted his head, his eyes still on Trip. Seven million people had died in the Xindi attack on Earth. The captain still couldn't get his mind around that staggering number but he could get his mind around the death of one. "You should be in bed, Trip." Startled, the engineer looked up as Jon approached him. He put the padd down then leaned forward, his forearms on the smooth workstation surface. "I could say the same for you, Cap'n." Jon sat on the edge of the workstation and looked down at Trip. "You're not going to be any good to anyone if you don't rest, you know." Trip tapped the padd with his index finger. "I'm just working on getting a little more out of the engines. We may need the extra power." "We still have a few weeks until we reach The Expanse, Trip. You've got plenty of time for that," Jon scolded lightly. He picked up the padd and set it down behind him. "Come on." He reached down and grabbed Trip's elbow. "Cap'n," Trip fought. "I'm really not tired. I'll get some sleep later. Promise." Jon shook his head and continued to pull at his friend. Trip stood but wavered suddenly. He reached his hands out to catch himself on the workstation then sat back down hard in his chair. "Hey," the captain said, kneeling down next to the engineer. He peered up into his face. "You okay?" "Yeah. Just a little dizzy is all," Trip replied. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath to steady himself. "We're going to sickbay," Jon said. He stood up and took Trip under the arm, pulling him carefully to his feet. The engineer started to protest but Jon interrupted him. "We're going to sickbay and that's an order, Commander." --- "How is he?" Dr. Phlox looked up from his hand scanner and smiled at the captain. Then he turned and looked closely at his patient who sat on the bio bed, obviously irritated at being there. "How long has it been since you've eaten anything, Commander?" Trip shrugged. "I don't remember, Doc," he replied quietly. "And how long has it been since you've slept?" The engineer shrugged again but didn't say anything. "Ah, I see," replied Phlox kindly. He gave the commander's arm a gentle pat then picked up a hypo-spray from the table beside the bed. "I don't need anything, Doc, honest. I'm feeling better now," Trip said as he pulled away from the Denobulan. "You need a good night's sleep, Commander," admonished Phlox. "Trip," chimed in Jon. "Do what the doctor says." The commander nodded in reluctant resignation and allowed Phlox to administer the contents of the hypo-spray. The effects were almost immediate as Trip's body relaxed. Jon smiled at his friend then helped him slip off the bio bed. "I want you to be sure to eat a complete breakfast in the morning, Commander," directed Dr. Phlox. Trip's head lolled slightly but he managed to nod obediently. "Come on, Trip," said Jon in quiet amusement. He turned to look at the smiling doctor. "I'll see to it that he eats, Doctor. Thank you." Just as the two officers reached the doors, Trip stumbled and nearly fell. Jon wrapped his arm tightly around his friend's waist and kept him upright. He looked at Trip and saw that his eyes were closed. "Captain, perhaps the commander should stay here tonight," said Phlox as he quietly came up behind them. He took Trip's other arm and together, they both led the exhausted engineer back to the bio bed. "Nah, Doc. I wanna go to my own quarters," mumbled Trip, his eyes still closed. Dr. Phlox and Jon settled Trip onto the bed then Jon gently removed his friend's boots. The Denobulan pulled the sheet up over his patient then grinned. Trip was fast asleep. "Commander Tucker will probably sleep several hours, Captain. I suggest you get yourself to bed as well." "I've been so focused on this new mission, I didn't realize he was pushing himself so hard," Jon said quietly. He looked down at the sleeping face of his chief engineer. "He's trying to deal with so much." "We'll all have to keep a close eye on him, Captain." Without thinking, Jon took Trip's hand in both of his. He continued to watch his friend sleep. "You love him very much, don't you?" asked Phlox softly. Jon glanced up quickly, suddenly aware of his intimate gesture. He felt his face flush and instantly released Trip's hand. Phlox smiled. "There's no need to be embarrassed, Captain. I assure you." Jon took Trip's hand again then nodded. "He means the world to me," he responded. "Are you in love with him?" "What?" blurted Jon. He started to laugh then stopped, frozen. His eyes went back to Trip's peaceful face. "In love with him?" he asked, his voice hushed. He sighed and shook his head. "I honestly don't know, Phlox." Jon stood next to the bio bed, Trip's hand clasped firmly between his. He had never truly allowed himself to think of his friend in that light. His mind wandered back to the first time he'd met the young man. He smiled as he remembered the way the young lieutenant had stood up to the Vulcans. "Since the moment I met him, there's always been something about Trip," Jon admitted. "There's always been a need in me to protect him, to keep him from harm." He squeezed the engineer's hand gently. "He always makes me laugh like no one else and when he walks into the room, I instantly feel better, happier. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about Trip. I know for a fact that I love him, Phlox. But anything more, I'm not sure." "Perhaps the feelings you have toward him should be explored?" Jon sighed and shook his head. "It doesn't really matter. He's my best friend but I'm also his commanding officer. Even if I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, and I'm not saying I do, I couldn't." "This mission won't last forever, Captain." "True," Jon said, looking up at the doctor. "But I know Trip could never love me. Not in that way anyway. I would never risk losing the relationship we have now just to risk exploring something that might never be. Not for anything in the world." Phlox nodded his understanding. "I'll be in my quarters if you need me, Captain." "Thanks, Phlox. I won't stay much longer." The doctor moved away, dimmed the lights, then disappeared into his adjacent quarters. Jon turned his attention back to the young man lying so quietly on the bio bed. The feelings the doctor's innocent question stirred up within him shook him far more than Jon had realized. He reached out his hand and gently stroked his fingers through Trip's hair. His heart ached for this man. The tears brimmed in Jon's eyes then slowly fell, rolling down his cheeks. He didn't wipe them away. He was in love with his best friend and he had been since the moment he'd met him. The tears continued to fall unheeded. Trip stirred. "Lizzie? No, Lizzie," he mumbled, his voice full of fear. "Shhhh, Trip. You're okay," soothed Jon softly. He kept up his gentle caress. Trip's eyes opened slowly. "Cap'n?" he said in sleepy confusion. "Go back to sleep, Trip. You're okay. Everything's going to be okay," Jon continued. He watched as Trip's eyes closed. He smiled gently as his friend's breathing deepened and his body relaxed again. "Everything's gonna be okay," he repeated. Jon gently moved his hand to hold the side of Trip's face, his thumb rubbing back and forth along Trip's cheek. He felt the tears begin again and he stifled a sob. After a long moment, Jon carefully leaned forward and pressed his lips to Trip's forehead. He pulled back slightly and looked into his friend's beautiful face only millimeters from his own. He then gently kissed Trip's lips and savored the feeling he would never and could never feel again. "I do love you, Trip," Jon whispered, his face still close. "I promise I'll be there for you always. No matter what." The captain then stood and wiped the tears from his face. He looked down at the man he cherished more than his very life, his body warmed by a love he had never known he could feel. Then Jon inhaled deeply, gave Trip's hand one more squeeze, then turned and slipped quietly out of sickbay, leaving his best friend to sleep in peace. --- The End