The BLTS Archive - Loving Trip
by plumtuckered (plumtuckered@earthlink.net)

---

DATE:  April 28, 2005

ARCHIVE:  EntSTCommunity, A*T at The House of Tucker, all others
please ask.

WARNINGS:  None

BETA:  None

SPOILERS:  None

DISCLAIMER:  These characters are the property of Paramount.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  I love the relationship shared between these two men
and I can easily see them crossing the line into something more than
friendship, hence this story.  Thank you to those who read it. 

Reviews are most welcomed and appreciated.

---

"Why exactly are you here, Jonathan?"

The captain of Enterprise gazed out the window, staring absently at
the grand city of San Francisco spread out before him.  "I needed
someone to talk to, someone not connected to Starfleet," he replied.

"You've been here for two hours now and you still haven't really
talked about anything."

Jon turned around to face the woman sitting behind him.  "We've talked
about a lot of things, Dr. Schultz," he replied.  "And I feel better."

"Do you?"

Jon sighed, but remained silent.  He couldn't even convince himself he
was feeling better, so why, he wondered, did he expect to convince the
doctor?

"We've talked about your parents and how their deaths affected you. 
We've discussed your dislike for the Vulcans and how you've struggled
to overcome that with the help of your first officer.  We've touched
on your time in the Expanse----."

"And like I said, I feel better."

"Why don't you tell me about those three months you spent stranded on
that planet?  I checked the records, Jonathan.  You had only been back
two weeks before you set your appointment with me."

Jon swallowed hard and looked to the floor.  "Not much to tell."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  Trip---Commander Tucker and I survived against the odds.  Now
we're back and moving on with our lives."

"Are you?"

Jon scowled.  "You ask way too many questions, Doctor."

Schultz smiled.  "That's my job."

The captain snorted.  "I guess you're right."  He sighed and ran his
fingers back through his short-cropped hair.  There was so much he
wanted to say, to get out, but he just couldn't find the words to
begin.

"You and the commander are friends, aren't you?"

Jon nodded then smiled fondly.  "The best, actually."

"Spending so much time isolated with each other must have had an
effect on your friendship."

"You have no idea," Jon replied then he froze and looked wide-eyed at
the doctor.

"Talk to me, Jonathan.  What happened on that planet that's got you so
troubled?"

The captain sighed.  "Being stranded together did have an effect on my
friendship with Trip---a big effect."

"In what way?"

Jon turned back to gaze out the window.  "I crossed a line with him,
Doctor" he replied quietly.  "One I knew I shouldn't cross and now
I've messed up both our lives."  He watched the sunlight bounce off
the waters of the bay and let his mind drift back.

---

Jon switched to manual control then struggled with all his might to
lift the nose of the careening shuttlepod.  "I have nothing, Trip!" he
shouted, risking a glance down at the engineer who crouched on the
floor under the console.

"That lightening shorted out the entire system, Cap'n!" Trip shouted
back.  "Just give me a minute!"

The captain looked back out at the angry mass of gray clouds through
which they were speeding.  He yanked back on the manual control stick
again, but to no avail.  They were heading downward; at least that was
the direction he guessed they were heading, and he could do nothing to
stop their descent.

When the clouds parted suddenly, Jon gasped.  The ground loomed up and
before he could even give Trip a warning, the shuttlepod impacted with
the hard, snow-covered earth.  The jolt threw Jon forward into the
console then back hard against his chair.  The control stick was
ripped from his hands and all he could do was brace his body as the
little craft bounced and scraped across the terrain.  He glanced down
to see Trip, but the engineer was no longer at his side.  Fear gripped
him.  The captain tried to turn to see where his friend was, but the
'pod careened wildly onto its side, throwing him against the bulkhead. 
He reached out to find purchase on anything, but his hands only
flailed around.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the shuttlepod came to a
stop on its belly.  Jon found himself sprawled on the floor, dazed. 
His body hurt, but he didn't feel anything was broken.  Everything was
silent, dead silent.  He shook his head, sat up then froze.  Lying at
his feet was the still form of his chief engineer.  Blood dripped down
Trip's temple from a gash on his forehead.

Jon curled his legs up under him and leaned forward, reaching a
shaking hand out to Trip's neck.  He found the pulse strong and steady
and he expelled the breath he'd been holding.  After a cursory check
for serious injury, Jon gently shook his friend's shoulder.  The
commander moaned then slowly opened his eyes to stare blankly at the
ceiling of the 'pod.

"You okay?" asked Jon.

Trip closed his eyes again.  "I---think so," he replied weakly.  "What
happened?"

Jon leaned further over and gently brushed Trip's wayward hair out of
the bloody gash.  "We were in the middle of a storm and----."

The commander's eyes flew open and he stared at Jon.  "The
shuttlepod-----Cap'n, you all right?"

Jon smiled, his hand still absently brushing back Trip's hair.  "I'm
fine, a little sore, but otherwise fine.  Do you think you can sit
up?"

Trip nodded.  "I think so," he replied. 

The captain helped the younger man into a sitting position then gently
lifted Trip's chin to see into his eyes.  "In this light it's hard to
tell, but I think you may have a concussion," he said.

Trip pulled his chin free of Jon's hand and looked away.  "I'll be
fine."  His eyes moved to the front of the 'pod.  "I should try to get
this thing operational and we need to contact the ship."

Jon considered his friend for a long moment then nodded.  "Okay, but I
need to clean that wound first.  Do you see the med kit anywhere in
this mess?"

Trip waved a hand impatiently.  "I'm okay, Cap'n."

The captain pushed himself to his feet then reached a hand down to
Trip.  "All right, Commander.  Let's get busy then."

Trip took the proffered hand and Jon pulled his friend to his feet. 
The engineer immediately swayed and fell forward.

"Hey," said Jon worriedly as he caught Trip in his arms.  "Easy,
easy." 

"Damn, my head's spinning."

Jon held the younger man close, steadying him.  "Maybe you should sit
back down, Trip.  I can look at the systems."  He adjusted his grip on
the engineer slightly, trying hard to ignore how he felt in his arms. 
"Come on, let me take a look at that wound."

Trip nodded.  "Okay, sir," he replied reluctantly.

The captain guided the commander to one of the backbenches then eased
him down.  Trip leaned his head back against the bulkhead and shut his
eyes.  Jon regarded him for a moment then turned his attention to
finding the medical kit.  He spied it near the front, retrieved it
then knelt in front of his friend. 

After opening the little box, Jon took out a packet, ripped it open
then pulled out a cloth damp with antiseptic.  Gently, he began a
tentative probe of Trip's wound.  The commander opened his eyes and
Jon felt the younger man's gaze settle on his face.  He could feel his
cheeks growing warm under Trip's scrutiny and he silently cursed
himself for the weakness. 

Jon leaned in closer, settling between Trip's knees as he continued
his ministrations.  "This really needs to be sutured," he said
clinically.  He risked a glance down at his friend's face and met his
eyes.  He saw Trip swallow hard then the engineer looked away.  Jon
puzzled for a moment over the younger man's reaction then returned to
daubing at the still-bleeding wound.

---

"It sounds to me like you'd been harboring feelings for Commander
Tucker," guessed Schultz.

Jon nodded.  "Since the day I met him," he replied.  "At first I
really didn't define my feelings for him as anything more than a sort
of brotherly love."  He smiled warmly.  "Didn't take very long before
I knew without a doubt that I was in love with him, though."

"But you never acted on those feelings?"

"No."

"Why?  From what you describe of his reactions, the commander seemed
to feel the same for you."

Jon turned from the window to look at the doctor.  "I didn't know that
though.  I always hoped there was more to the glances he'd throw my
way, but I didn't dare think he loved me back."

"Why?"

"Rules, Doctor," replied Jon bitterly.  "Starfleet has rules about
fraternization between senior officers and their subordinates.  If
Trip and I were the same rank, there wouldn't be a problem, but we're
not.  It was easier for me to assume he didn't share my feelings."

"I see.  It couldn't have been easy for you, all those years, loving
him without being able to do anything about it."

"You have no idea.  I couldn't just flip some invisible switch and
stop loving him.  I had to send him into danger and act like it didn't
rip my heart out.  There were times I almost lost him---."  Jon's
voice faltered and he paused as emotions threatened to overwhelm him. 
He shook his head.  "It was hard to handle."

"But things changed when you were stranded?"

"Not at first."

"What happened?"

"In the beginning, we just concentrated on surviving until Enterprise
could find us.  The environmental systems were out, so it got cold
pretty fast.  Luckily, the 'pod still had winter gear from our last
mission, so we pulled it on over our uniforms for warmth.  It only
took us a couple hours to figure out we weren't going anywhere and
that our communicators were useless; the signal wouldn't cut through
the atmosphere.  All we got was static.  So Trip and I turned on the
manual homing beacon, packed up whatever supplies weren't damaged, and
headed out to look for shelter."

---

"You sure you're up for this, Trip?  We could wait a while."

"The longer we wait, the colder it's going to get, Cap'n," replied the
engineer.  "And the deeper the snow'll get.  I'll be fine."

Jon threw his friend a speculative glance then nodded.  "All right,
but if you start feeling bad, tell me and we'll stop, understood?"

Trip smiled.  "You worry too much."

"Part of the job, Trip," Jon replied lightly.  He turned to the hatch
and opened it.  The cold immediately hit him and it momentarily took
his breath away.  He heard Trip gasp behind him.  The captain zipped
up his Starfleet parka, pulled the collar up around his neck then
stepped carefully out of the 'pod, sinking quickly to his shins in the
accumulated snow.  He adjusted his backpack then reached to grab
Trip's elbow to help guide him out.

"Why the hell couldn't we have crashed on a tropical planet?" grumbled
the commander.

"Because that would require luck, Trip.  Something you and I rarely
seem to have on away missions."

Trip snorted.  "Ain't that the truth?"

Jon kept a hand under his friend's elbow as they started trudging
through the snow.  The going was slow, but the captain was thankful
that at least it was daylight and no precipitation was falling.  He
peered around at his surroundings.  A few kilometers in all directions
stood a tree line above which loomed large peaks; they'd landed in the
middle of a mountain meadow.

"Good thing we came down here, Cap'n.  If we'd slammed into one of
those mountains----."

"I was just thinking the same thing," replied Jon.  His breath puffed
out in front of him forming a billowy cloud.  "Maybe we did have a
little luck after all.  How are you feeling?"

"Just a little light-headed."

Jon looked sharply at his friend.  "Maybe we should go back."

Trip shook his head.  "Look at the sky, Cap'n.  We're in for one hell
of a storm.  The sooner we find shelter where we can build a fire, the
better."

As much as Jon wanted to listen to his heart and take Trip back to the
'pod, his mind told him the engineer was right.  They needed to find
someplace warm then Trip could rest.  He tightened his grip on the
younger man's elbow and pushed forward toward the trees.

An hour later, snow began to fall lightly.  They'd crossed the meadow
and had entered the relative shelter of the forest, but had not yet
found a place to settle for the night.  Jon kept sneaking glances at
Trip and was relieved to find his friend, though clearly tired, still
moving with conviction.  But then, Jon reminded himself with warm
affection, Trip was the most stubborn person he knew.  The man would
push himself to collapse if Jon wasn't always there to rein him in. 
He was about to suggest a rest when he caught something from the
corner of his eye.

"What's that?" asked Trip.

Jon glanced at the engineer to see him pointing at the same dark area
visible through the trees that he'd noticed.

"Looks like the mouth to a cave," continued Trip.

"Come on, let's take a look."

As they crossed through the trees, drawing nearer, Jon could see it
was an entrance of sorts.  Three giant boulders lay in a pile butted
up against a sheer cliff face.  There was a gap between two of them
with the third providing a roof. 

"That might work," said Trip.  "If it's deep enough, that is."

Jon released Trip's elbow and entered the notch first.  He walked back
several meters then stopped unable to see clearly what lay around him. 
A bright beam of light split the dark and Jon turned to see his friend
aiming a flashlight in his direction.  He smiled then turned back
around.  With the light, he could see that they stood in a little
cavity no bigger than his ready room.

Trip moved to his side.  "I think we can call this home," he said.

"I think you're right."  Jon stepped to one wall and looked up.  He
could see a hint of daylight shining through a tiny space between the
rocks.  "We should be able to light a fire in here, too."  He pointed
to the gap.  "The smoke can escape through there.  We'll have to dig a
little trench around the perimeter to catch any water that leaks
through, but that shouldn't take too long."

"All right then.  Let's go find us some fire wood."

"I'll find the fire wood, Trip.  You stay here and get some rest."

"I'm not staying in here alone."

Jon grinned.  "Are you scared of the dark, Commander?" he teased.

"No," Trip replied somewhat curtly.  "I just don't think you should
wander around out there by yourself, is all."

"I've got my phase pistol."

"Cap'n."

"And you said I worry too much," mumbled Jon.  "Look, Trip.  You're
dead on your feet.  You stay here, set up the portable lanterns, and
get as settled as you can.  I'll be fine."

"But----."

Jon put up his hand to stop his friend.  "That's an order, Commander."

"Aye, sir."

Even though he couldn't clearly see Trip, Jon knew what his expression
was.  He felt the engineer's eyes on him as he shrugged off his
backpack.  He hated pulling rank on the younger man, but he needed to
keep him safe.

"Be careful."

Jon reached out and squeezed Trip's arm.  "I'll be back before you
know it."

---

"Over the next few days, we made ourselves quite a nice camp."

"Then Commander Tucker's head injury wasn't serious?" asked Schultz.

"No.  I'm not sure what I would have done if it had been.  The med kit
had some analgesics, antiseptics, fever-reducers, and bandages, but
nothing for serious injury."

"And I take it you didn't run into any wildlife."

Jon shook his head.  "I saw some tracks that day, but no animals."

"And no people?"

"We already knew the planet was uninhabited.  'Inhospitable' is what
the Keesra called it."

"The Keesra?"

"Yeah, they were the species Trip and I had just met with before the
accident.  Their solar system consisted of twenty planets, but only
two they considered habitable.  Trip and I made first contact with the
people on one of the planets while Commander T'Pol, Hoshi, and
Lieutenant Reed made contact with the other.  We had a great time. 
They were a peaceful, generous people.  Turned out they were wrong
about that world being inhospitable, though.  It was truly beautiful. 
Cold, but beautiful."

"You sound like you miss it."

Jon looked askance at the doctor.  "In a weird way, I guess I do.  I
was at peace there.  I know I should have been more concerned about
getting back to the ship, and I was to a certain extent--."

"But there were times you really didn't want to leave?"

"I guess so."  Jon puzzled over that realization for a long moment. 
"I had Trip with me.  If I'd been stranded with anyone else, I would
have fought everyday to get back to the ship and back to him.  Since
he was at my side, getting home wasn't as important as it should have
been.  You see, when we were in the Expanse, we didn't spend a lot of
time together due to what we were facing; trying to save Earth.  I
missed spending time with him and on that planet, I had all the time
in the world."

"Weren't you worried about surviving?"

"Of course, but I knew somehow together, we'd be okay. The cave was
warm and secure and we had plenty of water, but after about a month,
we did run out of ration packs.  Trip had managed to cannibalize some
of the power cells from the 'pod so we could keep our phase pistols
charged, so we were able to kill some game for food."  He laughed and
shook his head.  "Neither one of us was too adept at hunting."

---

Jon turned around and glowered at Trip who followed behind him.

"Sorry," said the engineer sheepishly.  He put his hand on his
stomach.  "I can't help it, Cap'n.  I'm hungry and those roots we had
for breakfast just didn't cut it."

"You're scaring all the game away, Trip," the captain replied.  Then
his eyes went wide when his own stomach rumbled loudly in protest.

Trip laughed quietly.  "Beware the Great Hunters," he chortled.

Jon chuckled good-naturedly then turned back to the hoof prints
trailing off into the trees.  As he walked along, he could hear both
their feet scrunching loudly in the snow.  He wondered briefly how
hard it would be to make snowshoes.  His stomach growled again and he
heard Trip snort behind him.

After about a half hour of trudging through the drifts, they came to
some new growth.  The trees were small and their limbs hung low, laden
with snow.  Jon crossed through the branches then heard a loud
'thwap'.  He turned his head to see Trip glaring at him, rubbing a red
mark on his cheek where one of the limbs had obviously snapped back at
him.

"Sorry," said Jon guiltily.

Trip just grunted a reply.

They continued pushing through the low-growing trees for another half
hour then Jon motioned to Trip to stop.

"What's wrong?" asked Trip quietly.  "You see something?"

"No," replied the captain.  "Just taking a breather."

"Someone needs to work out more," said Trip under his breath.

"What was that, Commander?"

"Nothing, Cap'n," replied Trip, an expression of pure innocence on his
face.

"Whatever happened to respecting your elders?"

Trip grinned.  Jon couldn't help but notice how his friend's eyes
sparkled and how red his nose and cheeks were from the cold.  The
commander sniffed then turned around slowly, gazing out at the
landscape, his breath visible in the crisp air.  Jon watched him
thankful the younger man was with him.  He reached out and leaned
against one of the small trees then immediately regretted the
movement.  A cascade of snow fell from the shaken branches, landing
squarely on Trip.  The engineer stood perfectly still, his back to the
captain, as the snow rained over him.

Jon couldn't help but laugh.  "I'm sorry, Trip," he gasped.

With great care, Trip brushed the snow from his shoulders then shook
his head, displacing the pile that had accumulated there.  He turned
around to face the captain.

"I'm sorry," repeated Jon.  He reached up to brush a few wayward
flakes from Trip's hair, trying hard to control his amusement.

Trip glared at him.

Jon snorted.  "Come on, let's get moving.  You can take the lead."

The commander nodded and they both set off through the woods again. 
Jon followed behind Trip as quietly as he could.  He peered through
the trees for any sign of the animal they were tracking, hoping they
were getting close.

"Be careful of the----," warned Trip suddenly.

Jon heard the funny squelching noise at the same time he heard Trip's
warning.  He looked down to see one boot buried in a pile of
still-steaming dung.  The next thing he heard was his friend's
hysterical laughter.

"Thanks a lot," said Jon as he pulled his boot out of the mess.  He
cursed which made Trip laugh even harder.  "You're pretty damn close
to insubordination, Commander."

"I tried to warn you," chortled the engineer.

As his friend continued chuckling at his expense, Jon carefully
brushed his boot against a fallen tree, ridding it of the foul
material.  When he finished his vile task, he looked up at Trip and
motioned adamantly at him to go.  Only after the younger man had
turned around did Jon allow himself to join Trip in his mirth.

They'd only hiked a few minutes when they came to the top of a hill. 
Jon stepped up to Trip's side and looked down the slope, seeing the
prints clearly in the snow.  The incline wasn't very steep, but Jon
took care as he began his descent.  He hadn't gone very far when his
foot slipped and he nearly fell.  He heard Trip curse loudly behind
him.  Just when he thought he'd regained his balance, something
impacted his side and sent him tumbling down the hill.

He landed at the bottom with a grunt, settling on his back.  Before he
could move, Trip arrived, sprawling across the captain's middle with a
gasp.  Both men lay quietly for a moment then Trip pushed himself up
and gazed down at Jon.  He was grinning like a kid.

"I take it you're okay," said Jon.

Trip nodded.  "You?"

"Fine, just fine."

Trip's grin faded slowly and he held Jon's eyes.  The captain's heart
rate quickened immediately; there was something more in those blue
irises than just friendship, he just felt it.  He brought a hand up to
gently brush back Trip's hair from his forehead.  The younger man
smiled warmly then carefully pushed himself to his knees at Jon's side
never breaking eye contact.  Then he cleared his throat and looked
away.

Jon sat up.  "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah.  Sorry about that.  I slipped."

"No problem.  We got down here a lot quicker."

Trip looked at him and smiled.  "I guess we did at that."  He looked
suddenly beyond Jon and pointed.  "Look over there."

Jon turned his head to see an animal standing amongst the trees
watching them.  "It looks sort of like an elk," he whispered.

"It's beautiful."

"Sure is," the captain replied softly.  He swallowed.  He hadn't
really thought about what would happen if the animal they'd been
tracking turned out to be remarkable looking.  He pulled his phase
pistol from its holster then paused. 

At that moment, the animal let out a high-pitched bellow that rattled
Jon's teeth.  It plunged at a startlingly fast pace directly at them,
baring long sharp canines.  Jon fired, but the animal kept coming. 
From beside him, Trip fired, too.  Finally, the animal dropped in a
heap, skidding to a stop not more than two meters from them.

---

"That one kill gave us enough meat to last a couple weeks," said Jon. 
He looked across the room at Schultz.  "Between the two of us, we
managed to drag the carcass back to the shuttlepod.  Skinning it was
pretty tricky since we didn't have a knife, but we managed using some
of the tools in the 'pod and our phase pistols.  We wrapped the meat
in chunks in some storage bags and buried them in the snow outside the
'pod then hung the pelt up to air out.  I figured it might come in
handy later for clothing."  He grinned.  "Trip and I joked about
walking around looking like cavemen."

"What did you two do about clothing and personal hygiene?"

"Clothes weren't really an issue.  We'd both packed enough for the
five days we spent with the Keesra so all we had to do was wash them
out.  We'd heat water over the fire then once a week, we'd do our
laundry.  We didn't have detergent, but we figured what we were doing
was better than nothing.  As for ourselves, we both had our own kits
with soap, shampoo, razors, deodorant, that sort of thing, and the
'pod had two kits as well.  I knew they wouldn't last forever, but we
were set at least for a while.  We washed ourselves as best we could
each morning after breakfast."

"I was just wondering if you two actually did resemble cavemen."

"No," Jon replied with a chuckle.  "We kept ourselves as groomed as we
could."

Schultz smiled.  "Did you and the commander talk at all about what
happened between you after you fell down that hill?"

"No.  I started second guessing myself, wondering if I'd
misinterpreted him.  He didn't say anything, so I just figured I was
wrong.  It was easier that way.  We went back to the camp, cooked up
some of the meat and ate dinner.  Afterward, we sat by the fire."

---

"You're a good cook, Cap'n."

"We've been here a month, Trip.  I think you can call me Jon."  He
looked across the fire at the engineer.  "In all the years we've known
each other, you've never once used my first name.  Why is that?"

Trip shrugged as he poked the burning wood with a stick.  "You've
always been my commanding officer."

"But I've always been your friend, too."

"I like calling you Cap'n," Trip replied simply.  "It's easier that
way."

"What do you mean----easier?"

Trip looked through the flames and met Jon's eyes for a long moment. 
The captain wondered what was going through the younger man's mind;
there was definitely something he was puzzling over.

Then Trip shrugged again and looked away.  "Keeps more of a distance
between us," he replied.

Jon scowled.  "A distance?  I thought we were close."

"We are."

"Then what do you mean by-----?"

"Can we change the subject, sir?" interrupted Trip tersely.  "I mean,
I call you Cap'n 'cause I like to, simple as that, okay?"

"Okay, Trip, okay," placated Jon.  He watched the commander stoke the
fire with sudden determination, wondering briefly why his friend was
so upset.    

The firelight moved over Trip's face accentuating his furrowed brow. 
Jon watched, struck not for the first time by the physical beauty of
the man across from him.  He shook his head, knowing there was no
sense in even imagining something that would never be between them.

He cleared his throat.  "I was thinking maybe next week we could climb
to a higher altitude, see if our communicators will work."

"You really think Enterprise is still in the area?"

Jon shrugged.  "I don't know, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?"

"I suppose."

"You don't sound too enthusiastic."

"I just don't think climbing up the side of a mountain is going to
change anything.  It's the upper atmosphere that's causing the
interference.  I doubt we could climb high enough to clear it."

"You do want to get back, don't you?  You've been stuck with me for
four weeks, I'd think you'd be jumping at any chance to get off this
planet."

Trip sighed.  "Of course I want to get back, Cap'n.  And I don't mind
being stranded here with you.  It's been kind of nice, actually, just
the two of us." 

"Considering our circumstances, I guess it has been nice.  I just
thought I'd be getting on your nerves by-----."

"You could never get on my nerves," interrupted Trip.  He looked up at
Jon then quickly looked away, poking at the fire with even more
fervor.

"Trip----.""

The engineer dropped the stick.  "I'm tired, Cap'n.  I think I'll hit
the sack."  He settled on his side facing the fire and pulled his
blanket over him.  "Good night, sir."

"'Night, Trip."

As the captain watched the flames dance across the logs, he could
sense Trip watching him.  He risked a glance at the younger man,
meeting his gaze steadily.  Trip seemed intent on searching Jon's eyes
for something and the captain felt his face warm suddenly.  He again
felt like there was something more brewing behind those blue eyes and
for just a moment, he allowed himself to hope.

The morning came way too fast for the captain's liking.  He stretched
and rolled onto his back then yawned unceremoniously.  He propped
himself up on his elbows and looked over at Trip.  The younger man was
still sound asleep.  Jon couldn't help but smile at how young Trip
looked, his hair sticking up at all angles.  He hated to disturb such
a serene image, but they needed to start their day.

"Hey, Trip."

The engineer didn't flinch.

Jon grinned.  "Trip," he called a little louder.

A grunt was his only reply.

"Come on, Commander.  Rise and shine."

"Just a little while longer, Cap'n."

"We have an exciting day ahead of us, Trip.  Digging for sweet roots."

The younger man pulled his blanket up over his head and grunted again.

"Trip."

"All right, all right," groused the commander.  He flipped his blanket
down, scrubbed his hands over his face then sat up, looking at Jon
through blurry eyes.

The captain couldn't help the snort that escaped him which succeeded
in earning him quite a dirty look. 

After they ate breakfast and cleaned up, the two men ventured out into
the cold, crisp morning air.  They stopped by the 'pod to check on
their meat supply then began their trek into the woods.  Soon after
the crash, they'd spied a large squirrel-like rodent digging in the
snow near the base of one of the larger trees.  The creature had
pulled out a large root then had run away with it wedged in its mouth. 
Trip had decided to see if the roots were edible so he had proceeded,
to Jon's complete amusement, to dig around in the hole.  He'd found
several of the roots and after scanning one of them, had taken a bite. 
The sweet tasting orange bulbs had since become a part of their menu.

"There's one over there," said Jon.  He pushed through the snow to the
hole he'd seen then knelt and reached into it.  He smiled as he pulled
up two roots.  He handed them to Trip then reached back into the hole
bringing up two more.

"You're getting good at this," commented the engineer as he dropped
the bulbs into his bag.

"The squirrel does all the work."

Trip snorted.  "I guess you're right there."

Jon climbed to his feet then stumbled in the snow.  He reached out to
brace himself on the tree then pulled his hand back with a yelp.

"What happened?" asked Trip worriedly.

The captain looked at his hand.  "I'm not sure.  Something punctured
the skin, though."

Trip peered closely at the tree.  "Look, here, Cap'n.  There are
little thorns embedded in this bark."

Jon wiped his hand on his pant leg.  "That must be what got me."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.  Let's get going."

They spent the rest of the morning hours gathering the sweet roots. 
By afternoon, Jon was feeling light-headed and strangely warm, too
warm.  He could feel perspiration dripping from his hairline down the
side of his face.  He stopped in his tracks and swayed slightly.

"What's wrong?" asked Trip.  He stepped up to Jon's side then scowled. 
"Cap'n?  You don't look so good."

"I don't feel so good, Trip."

The engineer lifted a hand and placed his palm against Jon's forehead. 
"You're burning up, sir.  I need to get you back to camp."

"No----no, I'm okay.  Just give me a minute."

"You've got a fever, Cap'n.  I need to get you back," pressed Trip. 
He dropped his bag of roots then pulled his scanner from his pocket. 
He flipped it on and moved it over the captain.  "I'm not picking up
anything abnormal except the elevated temperature."  He shoved the
device back in his pocket and grabbed Jon's arm.  "Come on,
Cap'n----Cap'n?"

Jon felt his knees give out.  He was vaguely aware of arms holding him
up then of being hoisted over a shoulder.  His world slowly turned
gray then he shut his eyes and let his mind drift away.

When he opened his eyes again, Jon found himself lying in his bed next
to the fire.  He could see Trip kneeling beside him dipping a cloth in
a bowl of water.  His friend turned back to him and gently bathed
Jon's face, his brow furrowed with concern.  The cloth was cool and
wet and it felt wonderful against Jon's warm skin.  Trip moved the
cloth down, bathing the captain's neck and chest.  Jon sighed and
closed his eyes again.

He dreamed of Trip.

The captain blinked.

"Welcome back."

Jon blinked again then looked up at the engineer.  "What happened?" he
asked.

"Apparently that thorn that stuck you had some sort of toxin on its
tip.  Your temperature sky-rocketed."

"How'd I get back here?"

"I carried you.  How are you feeling?"

Jon frowned in befuddlement.  "I feel fine, actually."

"The fever broke about half hour ago.  Weirdest thing, it
just---broke," explained Trip.  "Your temperature is normal now."

"How long was I out of it?"

"About eight hours."

The captain smiled up at his friend.  "Thanks for taking care of me."

Trip sat back on his heels and regarded Jon for a long moment.  "You
really scared me, Cap'n," he said finally.  He stood then picked up
the bowl of water and walked to one wall, dumping the contents into
the little trench that ran the perimeter of the cave.

"I'm sorry, Trip."

The commander shrugged then set the empty bowl down near the fire.

"I guess the possibility of being left here all alone would scare
anyone," Jon added.

Trip looked at him sharply.  "That's not why I was scared," he
snapped.  He shook his head in frustration then proceeded to start
their dinner.  "You just don't get it, do you?"

"Get what, Trip?  What is it I don't get?"

The engineer stared at him incredulously then turned back to his task. 
"Never mind.  You were right.  I was just scared of being left alone
down here."

"Trip."

"Just drop it, Cap'n."

"All right, all right."

Jon watched Trip as he put the meat slices over the fire, the hope
he'd felt the previous night growing in strength within him.

---

"Why didn't you simply ask him, Jonathan?  At that point, there must
have been a neon sign blinking 'I'm in love with you' over his head. 
The rules you worried about certainly no longer applied so why didn't
you just---ask him?"

Jon smiled somewhat sheepishly.  "Because I still didn't know how Trip
felt, Doctor.  I still only suspected there was something more there,
but I didn't know it."

"So how did you feel about your suspicions?"

"To be honest?  Scared to death."

"Why?"

"Because a life with Trip suddenly became a real possibility and not
just a dream."

Schultz looked at the captain askance.  "And you found that scary?"

Jon snorted derisively.  "My track record with relationships is pretty
dismal, Doctor."

"So you were scared of ruining what you already had with Commander
Tucker," concluded Schultz.  "That's a normal reaction, Jonathan."

"I know, but being normal doesn't make it any easier to handle."

"What did you do?"

"I laid awake that night thinking about him, about us, and I let my
fear get the best of me," Jon replied.  "I knew I couldn't give in to
my feelings.  The next couple of days, I tried to distance myself from
him."  He chuckled lightly.  "But I soon found out that for me,
'distance' and 'Trip Tucker' don't belong in the same sentence."

---

"Come on, Cap'n, it'll be fun."

"We have work to do, Trip."

The commander put his hands on his hips.  "What, digging for more
roots?  Hunting?  We can do that tomorrow.  You could use a little
fun."

Jon threw his friend a sharp look.  Trip stuck his tongue in the side
of his mouth, tipped his head to the side, and met the captain's gaze
evenly.  Jon knew immediately he'd lost the battle; he never could
deny Trip anything when the younger man looked at him in that way.

He threw up his hands in defeat.  "All right, all right."

The engineer grinned happily.  "I know just the spot, too."

The two men pulled on their winter gear then headed out into the
daylight.  Jon followed Trip through the trees to the crash site then
the captain waited outside the little craft while Trip busied himself
inside.  Only a couple minutes had passed before the younger man
appeared holding a piece of deck plating at his side.  His eyes shone
with child-like exuberance and Jon felt his resolve to distance
himself melt away.  He shook his head and smiled.  There was no way he
could deny his feelings for the man standing before him.

They headed away from the 'pod and climbed up a fairly steep slope. 
When they reached the top, both men turned and looked down the hill. 

"I haven't done this since I was a kid," said Jon uneasily.

"Just like riding a bike, Cap'n."

"All right, Trip.  Why don't you show me how it's done then?"

Trip grinned then in one motion, set the deck plating down and threw
himself belly first across the cold gray piece of metal.  His momentum
started the makeshift sled down the hillside.  Trip let out a loud
whoop as he careened down toward the meadow and Jon couldn't help but
laugh.  He watched his friend reach the bottom, pick up the sled then
make his way back up the hill at a trot.

"Damn, that's fun," the engineer announced breathlessly.  "Your turn."

Jon looked at the younger man with trepidation.

"Come on, Cap'n.  Just hold onto the front and use your weight to
steer."  Trip placed the sled down on the snow then knelt, holding one
corner.  He looked up at Jon with bright eyes.

The captain hesitated then let out a whoop of his own as he dove onto
the piece of deck plating, sending it speeding down the slope.  The
cold wind whipped across his face and he squinted his eyes against it,
easily maneuvering the little craft toward the meadow.  He reached the
bottom then picked up the sled and made his way back up to where Trip
waited for him.

The two men took several more turns before they moved to an even
steeper and longer slope.  Jon swiped a sleeve across his nose and
sniffed.  He eyed his friend and Trip grinned then nodded in silent
agreement.

"You sure?" asked the captain.

"Let's do it."

Jon sat on the sled, digging his heels into the snow to keep it from
moving while Trip sat behind him, his long legs straddling the
captain.

"Better hold on," warned Jon.  He felt Trip wrap his arms around his
waist and could feel his warm breath gusting across the side of his
face.  The captain took a hold of Trip's forearms, leaned back into
him then let out a loud howl that echoed through the trees as he
picked up his feet.  They shot down the steep hill at what Jon was
certain was at least warp four.  He could hear Trip's laughter in his
ear and the captain couldn't help but join in.

When they reached the bottom, they shot across the meadow like a
bullet.  Then the sled hit something hard in the snow and both men
went flying.  They tumbled together in a mass of tangled arms and legs
finally coming to a stop side by side.  They lay for a long moment on
their backs, both struggling to catch their breath. 

Jon turned on his side and propped himself up on one elbow.  "You
okay?"

Trip nodded.  "You?"

"I'm fine.  I haven't had this much fun since you and I went sailing. 
Remember that?"

"How could I forget?  You nearly drowned me."

Jon snorted indignantly.  "I did not.  You fell in."

"Not how I remember it, Cap'n."

"You have a selective memory then, Commander," Jon teased, placing a
hand on his friend's chest.  He absently toyed with the zipper of the
parka.  "I distinctly remember you falling in."

"Nah, I was pushed," replied Trip.

Jon raised his eyebrows.  "Yep, definitely a selective memory."

Trip covered the captain's hand with his own.  "I was pushed," he
insisted again light-heartedly.

"I frankly don't remember it that way, Trip.  We were sitting on the
edge----."

"And you pushed me in," finished the engineer.

Jon laughed.  "I did not."  He glanced down at where Trip's hand still
covered his, suddenly very aware of the intimate gesture.  He didn't
notice his friend's other hand until it was too late.  A handful of
snow came at him out of nowhere and the captain sputtered.  Trip got
to his feet, his enjoyment clear on his young face. 

Jon brushed the snow away then climbed to his feet as well.  "You know
assaulting your commanding officer is a punishable offense, don't you,
Commander?" 

"I believe drowning your chief engineer is, too."

Jon pounced, tackling Trip and taking them both to the ground.  The
younger man rolled ending up on top.  He straddled Jon's waist,
pinning the captain's wrists on either side of his head.  Their
position placed their faces only centimeters apart and Jon froze. 
Trip froze, too, his smile fading.  His eyes moved from Jon's eyes to
his mouth and the captain suddenly found it hard to breathe.

Then the engineer cursed softly and pushed himself to his feet.  "I
hope I didn't hurt you," he said weakly.

"You didn't," replied Jon unable to hide the disappointment in his
voice. 

Trip looked at him oddly then reached down and pulled the captain to
his feet.  "I'll go get the sled.  We should probably be getting
back."

Jon nodded then watched Trip walk away.

---

"I was scared, Doctor, but I wanted him.  Gawd, I wanted him."

"Well, if you crossed that line with him as you said earlier, you must
have overcome your fear eventually."

"Yeah, but it took almost losing him before I did."  Jon turned and
leaned back, bracing himself on the windowsill.  "We didn't talk much
the next few days.  Trip seemed pretty deep in his own thoughts.  I
knew not to ask him what was bugging him.  When Trip is upset, no one,
not even me, can get him to talk until he's good and ready.  Even
then, sometimes he never opens up."  He smiled affectionately.  "He's
always there for everyone else, but never expects anyone to be there
for him.  That's just how he is."

"How did you almost lose him?"

Jon turned back to gazing out the window.  "Even though Trip thought
it wouldn't work, we went ahead with my plan to try our communicators
at a higher elevation.  We packed up some food and water and headed
out."

---

"Wow."

Jon looked at his friend in profile.  Trip's face was alight with awe. 
They'd climbed all morning then had stopped on an outcropping to rest. 
Jon had never seen such a large mountain range.  That's all he could
see, in fact.  Other than a few meadows, there were mountains all the
way to the horizon.

"That is amazing, isn't it, Cap'n?"

"Sure is," replied Jon.  He smiled at Trip's expression.  He loved the
way Trip saw things with boyish wonder and he hoped that the younger
man would never lose that quality.

He turned to look up over his shoulder.  "We probably shouldn't go
much higher without any equipment.  Maybe up to that next outcropping. 
We can try the communicator there."

"Okay."

Jon pushed himself to his feet then helped Trip up.  They packed away
their canteens then started slowly up the steep and craggy terrain. 
There wasn't much snow for which Jon was thankful; had there been the
hike would have been impossible.

After a half hour of steady climbing, Jon hoisted himself up onto the
ledge he'd spotted from below.  As he stood, he realized that the
shelf was several meters deep.  He peered into the shadows of the
mountain that loomed over him to see the wreckage of a small ship.

He turned to help Trip up.  "There's a ship up here."

The engineer stood then saw the little craft.  "That looks like its
Keesra," he said.  "When I was touring their shipyards, Rebin showed
me one that was very similar."  He moved to the crumpled nose.  "This
looks older, though."

"Probably been here for years," guessed Jon.  He stepped to the rear
of the ship.  "Trip."

The commander appeared at Jon's elbow and gasped softly.  The back of
the vehicle was torn open like paper exposing the inner compartment. 
From where he stood, Jon could see three skeletons, two adults and one
child, lying haphazardly on the floor.  The captain moved forward, but
stopped when Trip grabbed his arm.

"What hasn't been damaged has been exposed to the elements for too
long, Cap'n.  This is their final resting place.  Let's just leave
them in peace."

"They may have a med kit, Trip, and other supplies we could use.  I'll
be careful not to disturb them."

The engineer nodded reluctantly and released Jon's arm.  The captain
stepped into the little ship and looked around.  He spied what looked
like a medical kit near the front and moved toward it.  He stopped
when movement caught his eye. 

The creature that appeared suddenly in the cockpit entrance looked to
be feline and it stared at Jon through large yellow eyes, a growl
rumbling deep in its broad chest.  Before Jon could even step
backward, the animal pounced, knocking him to the floor.  It loomed
over him, its mouth opening wide to reveal large razor-sharp teeth. 

"Cap'n!"

The beam from Trip's phase pistol caught the cat square in the chest
and it reared back and hissed in pain.  Its yellow gaze moved beyond
Jon and before the captain could yell out a warning, the creature
bolted.  Jon rolled over in time to see the cat leap.  Trip fired
again, but the creature didn't stop.  It barreled into the engineer,
taking him down hard and knocking the pistol from his hand.  It sank
its teeth into Trip's thigh and the commander cried out.

Jon scrambled to his feet and reached for his own phase pistol.  He
raced out of the ship, his heart pounding in his ears.  The cat had
Trip pinned on his back, its teeth bared and going for the engineer's
throat.  The captain fired and the creature let out a scream, but
didn't release its prey.  Trip gripped the cat's head, struggling to
keep it from its goal then rolled toward the edge of the shelf, taking
the animal with him. 

"Trip!" yelled Jon frantically, watching in sickened horror as his
friend disappeared over the side.  He ran to the edge and looked over
to see Trip lying on the outcropping they'd just left only minutes
ago.  The broken body of the creature was visible further down, lying
silently amongst the rocks.

Jon made his way as quickly as he could down the rocky incline,
ignoring the cuts and scrapes he was incurring from moving so fast. 

Finally, he reached his friend's side and knelt down.  "Trip?"

"Well, that didn't feel too good," mumbled the engineer.

"I thought you were dead."

"Nope, don't think so."

Jon leaned down to see into Trip's face and laid a gentle hand on his
back.  "Anything broken?"

Trip opened his eyes.  "I'm not sure, Cap'n.  I hurt all over."

"Okay, okay, just take it easy."  Jon felt carefully down each of
Trip's legs watching the engineer for any reaction.  Finding no
evidence of broken bones, he moved his hands up to Trip's back and
sides.  The commander gasped sharply.

"You're side hurts?" asked Jon worriedly.

"Yeah," hissed Trip through clenched teeth.  "I think I'm just
bruised, though."  He moved his hands up next to his shoulders,
bracing himself.  "Help me turn over."

"I'm not sure you should move, Trip."

"How the hell are we getting off this mountain if I don't move,
Cap'n?"

Jon grunted in disapproval, but gently helped his friend roll onto his
back.  Trip's scraped face clearly conveyed the pain he was in; his
eyes were squeezed shut and he struggled to catch his breath.

"Easy, easy," Jon soothed.  He put his hand on Trip's chest.

"I'm okay."

Jon looked at the gash in Trip's thigh where the cat had opened him up
then he shrugged off his backpack and dug in it for the med kit.  "I
need to bandage that leg, stop the bleeding.  You just lie still."

Trip nodded.

The captain opened the med kit and pulled out what he needed.  He tore
the leg off Trip's uniform then set in to cleaning the wound as gently
as he could.  He managed to slow the bleeding and breathed a sigh of
relief that an artery hadn't been nicked. 

Carefully, he placed a piece of sterile gauze over the gash.  "Can you
hold this against the wound?  I'm going back up to that ship to get
the medical kit.  I need sutures."

"Cap'n, don't----."

Jon patted Trip's leg.  "I'll be right back, I promise.  Now hold this
gauze in place."

Trip propped himself up on one elbow and reached down to the wound,
placing his hand firmly over the gauze.  He cursed vehemently at the
pain then nodded at Jon to go.

The captain stood and scrambled back up to the wreckage where he
retrieved the med kit and Trip's phase pistol then he quickly returned
to his friend's side.  As Trip watched, Jon opened the kit and dug
around its disheveled contents.  He found a little device in a sealed
bag that looked like what he wanted and he pulled it out.  Trip's eyes
widened at the sight of it.

Jon smiled sheepishly.  "It looks a little archaic compared to
Phlox's, doesn't it?  I'm sorry, Trip, but I've got to close that
wound."

"Don't suppose there's anything to numb the pain, is there?"

"There's a syringe and some vials, but I have no idea what's in them
or even if they're compatible with human physiology."

Trip laid back and set his jaw.  "Go ahead then," he directed tightly. 
"Let's get this over with."

Jon tore open the bag and pulled the medical device out.  After
figuring out how it worked, the captain gently removed the
blood-soaked gauze.  He adjusted the width of the two prongs to the
width of the gash then pressed a button.

"Sonofabitch," hissed Trip.

"Just a few more," said Jon sympathetically.  He slid the little
device down the gash watching as it effortlessly sutured the gaping
wound together. 

When he finished, he pulled another piece of gauze from his med kit,
pressed it over the injury then wrapped the engineer's thigh with a
bandage.

"Thanks---I think."

Jon secured the bandage then looked at Trip.  "How are you feeling?"

"Sore."

Jon chuckled anxiously, all the careful control he'd held over the
last minutes fading suddenly away.  He reached over with shaking
fingers to brush away Trip's unruly hair from his forehead.  "You
scared the hell out of me, Trip.  When I saw you fall---."

Trip grabbed Jon's hand staying it.  "I'm okay," he said softly. 
"Takes more than a big cat and a spill down the side of a mountain to
keep me down."

Jon nodded.  "I really thought I'd lost you."

"Well, now you know how I felt last week when you were sick."

"I guess I do."

The commander squeezed Jon's hand.  "I'm not going anywhere, Cap'n."

"You better not."

Trip smiled then he released the captain and struggled to sit up.  Jon
put his arm behind his friend's shoulders to help him.  Trip gasped in
pain.

"Easy, easy" soothed Jon.  "Here, lean against me."

"Thanks."

Jon tightened his arm around the younger man's shoulders, holding him
as carefully yet as closely as he could.  He put his chin on the top
of Trip's head and felt his friend relax into the gentle embrace.

"This feels nice," whispered Trip against Jon's chest.

"Yeah, it does."

Trip pulled away slightly and Jon dropped his chin to look at him. 
Trip's gaze moved from Jon's eyes to his mouth.  The captain felt his
pulse react violently.  He was scared, scared of what he wanted more
than anything else in the world.  He could feel Trip trembling against
him, could hear his breathing coming in unsteady gusts; he was scared,
too. 

Taking one of the biggest leaps of faith he'd ever taken, Jon leaned
in slowly and gently pressed his lips to the engineer's.  To his
relief, Trip didn't push him away, but melted into him instead.  He
parted his lips and Jon took full advantage.  He felt Trip's hand move
to the back of his head, his fingers lacing through Jon's hair then he
moaned his pleasure and the sound sent shockwaves through the
captain's body.

Jon gently broke the kiss and looked down at the younger man.  "I've
been wanting to do that for years," he whispered.

Trip just looked back at him, his eyes dark, his cheeks flushed, his
lips reddened and moist.  Jon couldn't remember ever seeing a more
wonderful sight.

---

"He called me Jon after that," said the captain warmly.  He turned
from the window and moved to sit in the chair across from the doctor. 
"Getting off that mountain was tricky, but we finally managed.  Trip
was pretty beat up.  I don't know how he did it in his condition, but
he did."  He smiled.  "He's always been tough as nails.  When we got
back to camp, I gave him some analgesic then put him to bed.  That was
the first night we slept together.  I don't think I even shut my eyes. 
I just held him in my arms until morning."

"So that was the turning point?"

"Yeah and we both knew it, too," replied the captain.  "That kiss
opened the flood gates."

"Did you ever regret it?"

Jon shook his head.  "Not for a minute and I know Trip didn't either." 
He sighed at the warm memories.  "We didn't do a whole lot over those
next several days while he recovered, but we did manage to fool around
a little."  He looked at the doctor feeling somewhat silly for
sounding like a teenager.

Dr. Schultz smiled and nodded at Jon's discomfort, but she didn't
verbally respond.

The captain cleared his throat.  "When we finally made love, it
was----this sounds so ridiculous, but it was like, for the first time
in my life, I knew how it felt to really be loved.  It was amazing." 
He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment and he looked down.  "We
didn't see daylight for two full days.  We just couldn't seem to get
enough of each other."

"Sounds like you both had over a decade of lost time to make up for."

Jon looked up at the doctor in surprise.  She looked back at him, her
eyes shining with a kind of knowing amusement.  He dropped his head
again and chuckled lightly.

"What happened after that?"

The captain sat back in the chair and contemplated his hands where
they rested in his lap.  "We made a life together," he replied.  "A
wonderful life, actually.  Those two months were tough, but they were
so rewarding.  Oddly enough, I really didn't want it to end."

"But it did?"

Jon sighed.  "Yeah, it did."

---

"Trip, how am I supposed to finish this with you looking at me that
way?"

The commander smiled coyly.  "Just appreciating the view, Jon."

"Well instead of watching me, why don't you help me?"

Trip rolled his eyes dramatically then stood from the tree against
which he'd been leaning and stepped over to Jon's side.  "What do you
want me to do?" he asked.

"Start piling the logs on that hunk of bark," directed the captain. 
He moved the piece of scrap metal he'd been using as a saw from one
hand to the other.

"Aye, Cap'n," Trip replied obediently.

The engineer started to bend down to start his work, but Jon grabbed
his arm and pulled him to him.  "You're a smart ass, you know that?"
he teased.

"Yeah, but I'm your smart ass."

Jon grinned.  "That you are and I wouldn't have it any other way."  He
found his lover's mouth and kissed him quite thoroughly then they both
returned to their tasks.

After they determined that they had enough wood, the two men lifted
the bark between them and started trudging back through the snow to
their camp.  They'd been on the planet for what Jon thought was close
to three months and strangely, Jon felt those three months had been
the best of his life, especially the last two.  They spent their days
cutting wood, burrowing out the shuttlepod, digging for roots, and
hunting.  They spent their nights making love by the fire.  His life
was difficult, but he'd never felt more content.

As they walked, Jon took in the beauty of the landscape.  They'd been
hit with a storm the night before, so the snow was dangerously deep. 
He smiled as he glanced down at his feet.  Using thin pliable branches
from the youngest trees and wire from the 'pod, Trip had managed to
make snowshoes for them both.  Jon looked up and watched the younger
man walking ahead of him loving just the fact that he was there.

"I wonder if there're any other seasons here," said Trip, snapping Jon
out of his reverie.

"I don't think so, at least not like we're used to.  Why?  You miss
the sun?"

"I miss the warmth of it, yeah."

"I keep you warm."

Trip turned his head to look at Jon over his shoulder.  "And you do a
fine job of it, too."

Jon grinned.  "I think you'll just have to rely on me, Trip.  I don't
think we're going to get any summer here."

"Yeah, you're probably right."  Trip looked up at the sky.  "Looks
like we may get another storm."

Jon glanced up at the heavy gray clouds overhead.  "We should pick up
the pace.  I don't want to get stuck out here in a white-out."

Trip nodded, adjusted his grip on the bark and walked faster toward
their camp.

Snow flurries were just starting when they arrived at the cave.  Trip
stacked the wood against one of the walls as Jon stoked the fire and
started preparing their dinner.  They finished their meal, cleaned
their plates then settled down in their bed for the night.

Warmed by the fire's glow, Jon made love to Trip slowly, taking his
time to touch and pleasure the younger man, to just enjoy loving him. 
Then, feeling blissfully exhausted, he pulled Trip close against him,
spooning up behind him as they lay together facing the flames. 

"Are you happy?" the captain asked breaking the warm silence that had
settled over them. 

"Yeah, you?"

Jon kissed Trip's head then rested his cheek against his lover's. 
"Yeah, I'm happy," he replied.  "We're stranded alone on an
uninhabited world and I'm happy.  Sounds strange."

Trip snorted.  "Yeah, it does."  He held Jon's hand against his chest,
absently stroking the captain's fingers.  "They're not coming for us,
are they?"

"No, baby, I don't think they are."

"I wonder how my parents are.  Losing Lizzie nearly devastated them
and now they believe I'm dead, too."

"I'm sorry, Trip."

The engineer gently pressed his lips to the palm of Jon's hand then
went back to idly stroking his fingers.  "I know," he replied softly.

Jon kissed Trip's cheek then held him until his lover fell asleep.  As
he lay listening to Trip's soft breathing, he wondered how long they
would be able to survive.  They had food, but he knew they weren't
getting all their bodies needed.  He snuggled into his sleeping lover,
closed his eyes, and pushed his worries to the back of his mind.

He awoke in the morning to see Trip busy making breakfast.  The
engineer was intent on peeling sweet roots and Jon just took a long
moment to watch him.  One of the roots slipped from Trip's hand and
clattered onto a plate.  The commander looked across the fire and met
Jon's eyes.

The captain smiled.  "Morning," he greeted.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't.  I've been awake for a while."

"Why didn't you say something?"

Jon grinned.  "I was appreciating the view."

Trip glared at the captain.  "Instead of watching me, why don't you
get your sorry ass out of bed and help me."

"You know, Trip, sometimes I regret the moment I told you to forget
our ranks."

They ate breakfast in relative silence then cleaned their dishes.  As
the water for their morning baths warmed over the fire, Jon took the
time to further appreciate his young lover much to Trip's passionate
approval.

Finally, they managed to bathe and dress.  They had to dig away the
entrance to their home as a blanket of fresh snow had fallen during
the night.  They'd learned early on to barricade the entrance with
heavy branches to keep the snow relatively at bay.

When they stepped into the morning light, Jon gasped.  He never could
quite get used to the freshness of the world after a snowstorm had
passed.  Everything was peaceful, the snow yet untouched by anything
living.  This morning seemed different, though.  The sky seemed
lighter in color than ever before.  He wondered on that fact for a
moment then let the thought go.

He turned to look at Trip.  "We should check the 'pod first before we
go hunting.  We'll need to dig it out."

The commander nodded then they set off for the meadow in which the
little craft had sat for three months.  As they came into view of the
'pod, Jon froze in his tracks.  He could see people milling around the
crash site.

---

"They'd found you," guessed the doctor.

Jon nodded.  "Yep.  Seemed they'd always known where we went down, it
was just a matter of finding a way through the atmosphere without
stranding themselves with us.  It took a few weeks, but they finally
managed to completely overhaul a shuttlepod to make it down.  T'Pol
said that if Trip had been on Enterprise, things would have progressed
a lot faster."  He leaned back in the chair.  "So then it just became
a matter of waiting for a break in the weather."

"Which happened that morning."

The captain nodded again.  "So we headed home," he said somewhat
bitterly.

"And you weren't too pleased?"

"We both knew our rescue was the end for us. Of course, we were
excited to see the crew, our friends, but we also knew that our time
together was over."

"Was it over, Jonathan?"

The captain leaned forward, bracing himself with his elbows on his
knees.  "It had to be.  I was back to being the captain and he was
back to being my chief engineer."

"That must have been very difficult for you both."

Jon looked up at Schultz.  "You have no idea."

---

"Come in!"

The door to the ready room slid open to reveal Trip standing straight
and tall, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Come in, Trip," greeted Jon with a smile. 

The engineer stepped into the room.  "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"You can drop the formality, Trip.  It's just you and me here."

Trip's shoulders relaxed slightly and his hands dropped to his sides. 
"Did you need me for something?"

"I was just wondering how you were doing.  We've been back on board
for a couple weeks now and I've hardly seen you."  Jon stood from his
chair and stepped in front of Trip.  "You look tired."

Trip avoided Jon's eyes and looked down.  "I haven't been sleeping
very well, sir."

"Neither have I," replied the captain gently.  "I'm not used to
sleeping alone anymore."

Trip swallowed uncomfortably and kept his eyes downcast.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too."

"Look at me, Trip---please."

Slowly, the younger man raised his chin and met Jon's gaze.  He looked
so lost, so miserable, the mischievous sparkle gone from his blue
eyes.  Without thinking, Jon reached out and took Trip's hand and gave
it a gentle squeeze.

The commander drew his hand back.  "We can't, Cap'n."  

"I know," replied Jon sadly.

"T'Pol to Captain Archer."

Jon reached around Trip and hit the comm. button next to the door. 
"Archer, go ahead."

"Captain, we're receiving a distress call."

"I'll be right there." Jon released the button then looked at Trip. 
He moved his hand up to briefly touch the engineer's cheek then
stepped around him and opened the door.  He stepped up onto the bridge
and looked at T'Pol expectantly.

"They're a species Vulcans have had little contact with, Captain," the
first officer responded.  "Not much is known about them except that
they can be quite volatile."

Jon's gaze moved to his communications officer.  "Hoshi?  What does
the message say?"

Sato pressed her fingers to her earpiece.  "Just that they're in dire
need of assistance, sir."

The captain furrowed his brows.  "Well, we can't just abandon them,"
he decided.  "Travis, set a course for their location."

"Aye, sir."

Jon turned to see Trip standing behind him.  They're eyes met and held
for a long moment then Trip looked away and moved to his engineering
station.  Jon watched him, feeling the heaviness in his chest increase
just a bit more.  He sighed softly then stepped over to his chair and
sat down.

As they neared the alien vessel, he stood and looked to Reed.

"I'm reading heavy armaments, sir, definitely a war ship."

"Captain, we're being hailed, audio only," announced Sato.

Jon nodded at her.  "Go ahead."

"I am Ral of the Feerah tribe.  We are in need of your assistance."

"I'm Captain Jonathan Archer of the starship Enterprise.  What exactly
is your situation?"

"We've taken heavy damage and heavy casualties, Captain.  Our engines
are down.  My engineering ranks have been depleted.  I could use some
help with repairs, just enough to get us to impulse power."

Jon glanced at Trip who looked up from his monitor to nod; Ral was
telling the truth.  Their engines were indeed down.

"They have sustained heavy damage, Captain," confirmed Reed.  "Looks
to be battle damage."

"Please, Captain Archer.  I am not used to asking for help, but we
stand no chance of survival without it."

"All right, but I'll be sending over a security detail with my
engineer."

"I will allow that.  Thank you."

"A shuttlepod will dock with your ship within the hour."

"Again, you have my gratitude, Captain."

The transmission ended.

"I recommend Commander Tucker take great care," said T'Pol.  "As I
stated before, these people can be volatile."

"I was going to send Lieutenant Hess over," replied Jon.

Trip stood from his chair.  "Sir, I believe I'm the right choice for
this assignment."

"Hess is a fine engineer, Commander---."

"She's a damn fine engineer, but I'm better, Cap'n.  I should be the
one to go over there."

"I'm not going to argue with you, Commander.  I've made my decision."

Trip's jaw set in defiance.  "With all due respect----," he began
tersely.

"I said I've made my decision.  Is that understood?"

"Captain, I concur with the commander.  Though highly competent,
Lieutenant Hess does not have the experience of working on alien
technology," interjected T'Pol.

Jon turned on his first officer.  "I think I made myself clear," he
snapped then he looked at Reed.  "Have a security team meet the
lieutenant in the launch bay in fifteen minutes."  He glanced at Trip. 
"You can advise Hess from here."

"Sir---."

"You have your orders, Commander," replied Jon sharply.  He held
Trip's fiery eyes then turned and walked back into his ready room.

The door hadn't even slid closed before T'Pol entered, tight on Jon's
heels.

The captain sighed impatiently.  "Is there a problem?"

"Yes, sir.  I believe there is," replied T'Pol.  She stood ramrod
straight, her hands clasped at the small of her back.  "You're letting
your emotions affect your judgment."

Jon glared at his first officer.  "My judgment is sound."

"With all due respect, Captain, it is not.  You know Commander Tucker
is the correct choice to lead this mission.  If something goes wrong,
there is no telling how this species will react."

"My decision stands."

T'Pol stood perfectly still, her dark eyes burrowing into Jon's. 
"You're affection for the commander is blinding you, Captain."

Jon started slightly.

"It is clear by your behavior since your return that your
relationship---changed while on that planet," continued the first
officer.  "You're in love with him and you are clearly trying to keep
him safe.  By doing so, you are risking the life of Lieutenant Hess
and this entire crew."

Jon felt suddenly like his knees were going to give out.  He tried
hard to convince himself his decision was the right one, that T'Pol
was wrong, but deep down he knew she wasn't.  Hess was not the right
choice, Trip was.  His Trip.

"Captain," said T'Pol gently.

Jon moved to his chair and sat down heavily.  "Inform Commander Tucker
that he will be leading this mission," he said.  "Dismissed."

---

"So Trip went over."

"And how did it go?" asked the doctor.

"He ran into trouble.  It seemed that the Vulcans had been right; the
species was extremely volatile.  The minute the 'pod docked, the team
was overwhelmed by guards.  They kept Lieutenant Reed and his security
personnel held prisoner in the shuttle while they hauled Trip off
alone to repair their engine.  Those were the longest five hours of my
life."

"Obviously, the commander was able to make repairs though."

Jon nodded.  "He's the best and the brightest, Doctor," he replied. 
"I swear the man can figure out how anything works then he can take it
apart and put it back together even better than it was before."

"You sound very proud."

"I am."

"Was he upset with you when he finally returned to Enterprise?"

"Upset?" Jon chuckled wryly.  "That doesn't even come close, Doctor."

---

The captain entered sickbay in a rush, barely waiting for the big
doors to slide open.  He spied Dr. Phlox pulling a privacy curtain
around one of the bio beds and moved quickly to his side.  The
Denobulan motioned for Jon to follow him, both men stepping away from
the curtain.

"How is he?" asked Jon.

"He's fine, Captain.  Some bruises and abrasions, but otherwise he's
in perfect health."

Jon expelled a long breath and braced himself against a nearby
counter.  "When Malcolm said they'd hurt him, I----.  Can I see him?"

Phlox tucked his chin.  "I don't see why not.  He's getting dressed
right now."

Jon turned to the curtain.

"Uh---Captain."

Jon turned back to Phlox expectantly.

"Commander Tucker is rather---angry," replied the doctor
uncomfortably.

"Angry?"

"With you, Captain."

Jon sighed then smiled wanly.  "Thanks for the warning, Phlox."  He
turned from the doctor and moved over to the privacy curtain.  "Trip?" 
Receiving no reply, the captain brushed the curtain aside. 

Trip was standing next to the bed buttoning up his black undershirt,
his blue uniform pooled around his waist.  From where he stood, Jon
could see clearly the bruises mottling the younger man's face and he
felt a surge of anger toward the people who had harmed him.

"I'll have my report on your desk first thing in the morning, sir,"
said Trip curtly.  "The doc wants me to take the rest of my shift off
to rest."

"I agree with him.  You look like you need it."

Trip didn't reply.  He slipped his arms into his uniform and shrugged
it up over his shoulders leaving it unzipped then went to move passed
Jon.

The captain grabbed the engineer's arm.  "Trip, wait."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yes."

Trip set his jaw.  "You know, you've always been overprotective of me
Cap'n, and I've never said anything because it always made me feel
like I really mattered to you." Trip turned his head to look at Jon,
his blue eyes burning with anger.  "But you have never kept me from
doing my duty to this ship.  Not until today."

"I let you go."

Trip snorted derisively.  "You let me go?"

"Come on, Trip, you know what I mean."

The commander sighed dejectedly and looked down, the sudden release of
tension in his body palpable.  "R&D contacted me yesterday," he said
softly.  "Smithson is retiring and they want me to take his place."

Jon started slightly.  "R&D?"

Trip nodded.  "I'm thinking seriously about accepting.  My rank would
remain the same, but I'd get a nice increase in pay."

"You've never been about money, Trip, so don't give me that crap," Jon
snapped.  He regarded the younger man for a long moment.  "You're
doing this because of me, aren't you?  What happened today won't
happen again, Trip.  I promise you that.  You don't have to leave
Enterprise."

"I know you well enough to know it won't happen again."

"Then why leave?"

"Because you'd be worried sick about me every time I left this ship."

"And you wouldn't be worried about me?"

"Of course I would," replied Trip with earnest.  He looked at the
captain.  "But there's a difference, Jon."

"And what's that?"

Trip lifted his hand and touched his palm to Jon's cheek.  "If
something happened to you, I wouldn't have to live with the fact that
I gave the order that led to your death."

---

Jon stood and moved back to the window.  "I'd never really thought
about it like that, Doctor, from Trip's point of view, I mean."   "And
that's what brought you to me?"

"Yeah.  We were scheduled to return to Earth for some maintenance and
I knew I had to talk to someone.  Trip wants to take that job in
Research and Development because he's trying to protect me."  Jon
turned back to Schultz.  "He loves Enterprise, Doctor.  It's his
dream, he won't be happy anywhere else.  I can't let him leave."

"But if he takes this position, won't you two be able to be together?"

"Yes, but it won't matter.  I'll be out exploring the great unknown
and he'll be stuck here behind a desk."

Schultz stood from her chair and moved to Jon's side.  "Your father's
dream was Enterprise, but what is your dream, Jonathan?  What do you
want?"

"You mean besides Trip?"

"Yes, besides him," replied Schultz kindly.

Jon shrugged.  "I'm the captain of the first deep space starship,
Doctor."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Do you know how hard I had to work to get to this position?"

"That still doesn't answer my question."

"I'm the captain of my father's dream, Doctor.  What else could I
want?"

"All right.  Then tell me why you love being Captain Jonathan Archer."

Jon scowled.  "What?"

"Why do you love being the captain of Enterprise?"

"I get to explore the unknown, meet different species, and I get to
work with the greatest people Starfleet has to offer," Jon replied
somewhat impatiently.  "I know what you're trying to do here, Doctor. 
You're trying to help me decide what I want most.  Well, I already
know what I want most and that's a life with Trip, but I can't have
that life unless we give up Enterprise.  I won't ask Trip to do that
for me."

"Why can't you have both, Enterprise and the commander?"

"Have you even been listening to me?"

Schultz smiled.  "Yes, Jonathan, I have been," she replied warmly.  "I
just think that maybe there's another option here that you haven't
explored.  An option that will allow you to have everything you want."

The captain looked back at the doctor in confused silence.

---

Jon stood still staring at the door before him.  Dr. Schultz had been
right; there had been another option, he just hadn't seen it. 

He put his hand on his stomach, trying hard to will away the
nervousness that had made a home there.  With determination, Jon
lifted his hand and pressed the door's buzzer.  He swallowed hard.  He
hadn't seen Trip in the three days he'd been in San Francisco and he
wondered briefly if he'd even be welcomed.

There was no response.  He knew Trip was in his quarters, at least
that's what ship's sensors had told him.  He tried the buzzer again
with the same results, nothing.

Jon punched in his entry code then stepped into the darkened quarters. 
Trip's uniform was in a heap next to his bunk, his boots and socks on
the floor where they appeared to have been kicked off in haste.  His
black undershirt and underwear lay just outside the bathroom door. 
Jon could hear the sound of the shower running and realized why Trip
hadn't heard the buzzer. 

Jon crossed the small room and peered into the bathroom.  Through the
shower stall partition he could see Trip standing under the cascade of
water, steam billowing up around him.  Quietly, he undressed then
stepped into the stall.

"What the hell?"

"Shhhh."

"Cap'n, you can't be-----."

"Yes, I can," replied Jon with a smile.  He stepped close to Trip and
wrapped his arms around the commander's waist.  "I'm not your captain
anymore, Trip.  I resigned my commission today." 

"I don't---what---why would you do that?"

"I had a decision to make and I made it."

"What decision?"

Jon chuckled at his lover's confusion.  "The easiest decision I've
ever made in my life."

"You're not making a hell of a lot of sense here, Cap'n."

"I've resigned as captain of Enterprise."

"Why would you do something as stupid as that?  You love being the
cap'n."

"I love you more."

Trip's eyes widened with surprise.  "What did you say?"

"I said I love you more."

The engineer stood still, completely flabbergasted.  He shook his head
in bewilderment.

Jon laughed.  "It's pretty simple actually, Trip," he explained.  "I
promised myself I'd see my dad's ship fly and I did it.  I don't have
to be the captain anymore."

"This isn't right."

"Isn't it?" Jon asked.  He pulled his lover close, amused by Trip's
baffled expression.  "You can stay here with your engines, Trip.  I've
got it all worked out with Starfleet.  I'm going to act as a liaison
between humans and other species.  Our mission will be to form
alliances and I'll spearhead those alliances from Enterprise.  I even
get a fancy new title.  You are now looking at Ambassador Jonathan
Archer.  It's perfect, Trip."  He lifted his chin slightly and
furrowed his brows, gazing down his nose at his lover.  "Of course,
I'll have to give up my quarters to the new captain, but I was hoping
I could just bunk here with you." 

Trip stared at Jon for a long moment.  "I don't know what to say," he
finally managed.

"Just say you'll have me."

The engineer stared at him for several long moments, a myriad of
emotions crossing his youthful face.

Jon scowled.  "You will have me, won't you?"

Trip suddenly grinned mischievously.  "I suppose I can put up with
you---at least for a while."

Jon frowned dramatically.  "Thanks a lot."

"This is really what you want to do?"

"Yep."

"You're sure?"

"Positive," Jon replied.  He pulled his lover into a strong embrace. 
"It's perfect, baby," he whispered into the side of Trip's neck. 

They stood together under the hot water for several long moments
content with just holding each other. 

"You know what I was thinking before you joined me in here?" asked
Trip suddenly, his hands sliding decidedly south down Jon's back.

Jon's heart skipped a beat.  "What?"

The engineer pulled back then shifted in close, his lips just a hair's
breadth from Jon's.  "I was thinking how I wished we were still
stranded together on that planet."  He edged even closer.  "But I
think I've changed my mind."

Jon swallowed hard.  "Why?"

"Because we didn't have a shower," the engineer replied.  He brushed
his lips over Jon's teasingly.  "And I really like showers."

"Me, too," gasped Jon huskily. 

Trip kissed him lightly, just the gentlest of touches.  "I've never
made love to an ambassador before," he whispered.

Jon closed the distance between them in an instant, kissing the
younger man hard.  He savored the sweet mouth he'd missed so much, the
mouth he thought he'd never feel again.

With the former Starfleet captain's hearty approval, Trip reacquainted
himself with Jon's body, exploring every inch of him until the newly
appointed ambassador thought his knees were going to buckle. 

They dried each other slowly and with great care then slipped quietly
into Trip's bunk.  Jon nestled down and pulled his lover to him,
wrapping him in his arms. 

"Maybe we should move to the floor," proposed Trip.

"Why?"

"Because the way you flail around in your sleep, I'll eventually end
up there anyway."

Jon snorted indignantly.  "I don't---flail, Trip."

The engineer propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at Jon
pointedly.

"All right, all right."

The two men crawled out of the little bunk, Trip moving to his storage
locker to retrieve another pillow and blanket.  Jon's eyes followed
him appreciatively.  The commander spread the blanket on the floor,
tossed the pillow down then pulled his blanket and other pillow from
the bunk, tossing them to the floor as well.  He looked up at Jon
expectantly, his hands on his hips.

"Seems kind of familiar, doesn't it?" the former captain commented.

Trip grinned then together they settled on the floor under one of the
blankets.  With his lover snuggled into his side, Jon let himself
drift toward blissful sleep.  He started slightly when Trip shifted
against him. 

"Are you sure this is really what you want, Jon?"

"Never been more sure of anything, well---except you."

Trip lifted his head from Jon's shoulder and peered down at him. 
"You're giving up a hell of a lot here."

"But I'm gaining a lot, too."

The engineer didn't look entirely convinced.  "You're not doing this
just for me, are you?"

"I won't lie to you, Trip," replied Jon with earnest.  "Being with you
was a major factor in my decision, but it wasn't entirely about you." 
He reached up to brush Trip's shower-damp hair from his forehead.  "I
want this, I really do.  I'll be able to help unite Earth with other
planets.  Think about it, Trip, there could be hundreds if not
thousands of allies out there."

"You actually sound excited," said Trip with a smile.

"The more I think about it, the more excited I get.  I have what I've
only dreamed about; an opportunity to make a real difference in the
universe with you at my side."

"When are you going to tell the crew?"

"I told the senior staff tonight just before I came to see you.  I'll
make a ship-wide announcement tomorrow."

Trip looked down and absently toyed with a lock of Jon's chest hair. 
"Did you tell them about us?"

"I didn't have to.  They already knew."

"You're kidding."

"Nope.  If I remember correctly, Malcolm said it was about bloody time
and T'Pol---concurred with that opinion."  Jon furrowed his brow. 
"And I think Hoshi told Travis he owed her some money.  And Phlox? 
Well, Phlox just seems to know everything about everybody."

"Huh, well what do you know?"

Jon lifted a hand to his lover's cheek.  Trip met his gaze and Jon's
breath caught at what he saw warming those blue eyes.  The commander
leaned in and kissed him so completely, Jon was left gasping.

He looked up at Trip.  "What did I do to deserve that?"

"Nothing in particular," replied the younger man, his voice breaking
slightly.  "I just wanted to."  He lowered his head back onto Jon's
shoulder and lay quietly.

Jon closed his eyes, his fingers lightly caressing the commander's
back.  He was still having a hard time believing what was happening. 
He had Trip in his arms and they had their life on Enterprise.  He
couldn't help but smile.

"Damn," Trip cursed suddenly.

"What?"

"This means I'm going to have to break in a new captain.  I had you
snowed from day one with my boyish charms, but it might not be so easy
this time around."

Jon snorted.  "You really are a smart ass, you know that?"

Trip squeezed him.  "Yeah, but I'm your smart ass."

"That you are, Trip.  And I wouldn't have it any other way."

---

The End