The BLTS Archive - What She Left Behind
#1: What You Leave Behind
by peacejaw (peacejaw@yahoo.com)

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Published: 11-15-05 - Updated: 11-15-05 - Complete

Disclaimer: The usual disclaimers apply here: I don't own Star Trek:
Voyager, or any of its main characters. I do own this story, however,
and all original characters.

Author's Note: This takes place shortly before Neelix receives one of
Kes's lungs in 'Phage'.

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Ensign Samantha Wildman stood in front of Sickbay's entrance with
several padd's clutched tightly in her hands. There were times when
she hated her job in Sickbay, and this was one of those times. In
fact, she knew that what she was scheduled to do was one of the worst
case scenarios she could think of; she was due to keep Neelix
entertained while both the EMH and Kes worked on trying to save
Neelix's life.

Normally she wouldn't have minded being the sole entertainer for
someone who was completely bedridden, but this was an unusual
situation. She was scheduled to help Neelix write a letter to Kes,
should he not survive this crisis. And she was not looking forward to
following through on her promise.

Hesitantly, she entered Sickbay and made her way over to Neelix's
bedside. Seeing that he was awake, she attempted a smile and asked,
"Hey Neelix, how are you doing today?"

"About as well as what can be expected, I guess." He frowned then, a
rarity, she noticed, even under the most stressful of times. "Did you
bring what I asked you to?"

She nodded once. "I promised to, didn't I?" Looking around Sickbay
then, she noticed that they were alone. "Where's Kes?"

"She's working in the Airponics Bay for the next while."

"And the EMH?"

"He's working in his office; he knows to leave us alone for the next
hour or so."

"Ah." She pulled up a chair and sat down. "Are you sure that you want
to do this? I ask because the EMH seems pretty determined to find a
way to save your life..."

Neelix sighed; another rarity, she'd noticed in the months since
they'd first met. "Yes, I know that he's doing the best that he can,
but I also want to be prepared, just in case.

So she did her best to help Neelix write his letter. When they were
finished, she read the letter back to him.


"Hello Sweetums,

I hope that you will never have to read this message; but if you are,
then it means that the Doctor was unable to find a way to save my
life. You see, Kes, I thought that it was a good idea for me to
prepare this letter, just in case that this does not turn out for the
best. I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt about you.

The moment I met you, I fell in love with you, and that love has only
deepened since then. You mean everything to me, and you always will,
no matter where I am. And despite the fact that I am gone, I want you
to go on with your life ... to find happiness wherever you can.

There may even be a time when you'll fall in love again ... and I'm
okay with that. Just know that I'll always love you, no matter what.

I love you with all my heart.

Neelix"


"That'll do," Neelix said serenely. "Thank you for your help in
writing this letter for me."

"You're more than welcome, Neelix." She held the padd in front of him
and asked, "What do you want me to do with this?"

"Would you hold onto it for me? I don't want Kes to see that unless
it's absolutely necessary."

She felt herself smile. "No problem..." It was only then that she
chanced a glance over her shoulder and was startled to see that Kes
was standing just inside the entrance to Sickbay with tears running
down her cheeks. She stood abruptly and asked, "Kes? Is everything
okay?"

Kes merely smiled, walked over to her, and hugged her. "Thank you for
being a good friend, Sam. Helping Neelix write this letter had to be
difficult for you to do..."

Samantha could feel herself blush. "It was no trouble at all..."

Neelix spoke up then. "You heard Sam read the letter aloud, Kes?"

"I did, and I'm glad that I did because I can tell you that I love you
too!" Kes leaned over Neelix then and kissed him gently.

Samantha smiled at the two lovebirds. "It sure is good to see the love
you two have for each other..."

Kes looked back at her then and said, "I know that you miss your
husband, Sam, now more than ever. I believe in Captain Janeway's
ability to get you, and this crew, home within your lifetime..."

She snorted. "Maybe, or maybe not. Either way, I can only hope that he
doesn't give me up for dead."

"You never know, Sam," Kes said so hopefully now that her own hope
began to surface again. "He just may surprise you and wait for you to
return to him."

"I guess that I'll just have to wait and see."

"Probably so," Kes agreed. "Until you know for sure, though, don't
give up hope, okay?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "I'll try."

"Good."

From somewhere behind her, someone cleared their throat, so she turned
to see who it was. Janeway, the EMH, and two Vidiians were standing a
short distance from the EMH's office. Instinctively, she looked back
at Kes and said, "I'll stop by again later and see how the two of you
are doing."

At Kes's nod, she quietly left Sickbay and made her way to the
mess-hall. The moment that she realized that she was alone in the
turbolift, she called the turbolift to a halt and let the tears that'd
been threatening to fall, fall. Seeing the love that Kes and Neelix
had for each other up close and personal on a daily basis was a
constant reminder of what she had with Greskrendtregk, and of the deep
pain of missing him so badly.

But today's view of their love had also reminded her of something
else: that of what you leave behind in the people that you love. And
she was fairly certain that just as Greskrendtregk had impacted her
life in a big way, she had impacted his life in a big way as well. And
that made the ache in her heart ache a little less.

She also knew, now, that no matter what happened in her life, and no
matter how long it took to return to the Alpha Quadrant, she would
always love Greskrendtregk. And he would always love her. That would
be enough, if only because she would make it so.

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The End