The BLTS Archive - This Is Not A Love Song
by nostalgia (thehappinesspatrol@hotmail.com)

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Disclaimer: Paramount's subtext, my text.

Blah: This is the fault of Your Cruise Director, who viciously
planted the bunny and did the work of an evil beta. Grr. Second-beta
was Ispahan.

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There was a long, awkward silence.

"How about...how about if I pretend you never said that?"

"But-"

"But nothing. We'll just carry on drinking and forget it ever
happened."

"You could at least turn me down gently."

"I don't fancy men. That's just the way some of us are wired, nothing
I can do about it."

"Have I made you uncomfortable?"

"Julian, you're my best friend and now you tell me you're in love
with me. Of course I'm uncomfortable. Let's just pretend you never
said anything, and we can go back to everything being the way it was."

And so we went back to our drinks and carried on as if nothing had
happened.

You'd think they could have genetically engineered me not to be
socially inept.

It's not that I expected him to just sweep me into his arms and carry
me off into the sunset, but I thought he'd be a bit more...receptive.
Popular culture dictates that it should have gone rather better than
that. Have I mentioned that I hate popular culture? Especially love
songs. Love songs conspire to make you feel bad about your own life.
Sometimes I think they should be made illegal on mental health
grounds.

Of course statistically most people you're attracted to won't be
attracted to you in return. Statistics often lie, but I think that
one's probably true. It's certainly true in my case. Perhaps I'm
throwing the numbers on that one. Perhaps it's just me and I've
somehow managed to skew an entire study of the averages.

Hmm. That's quite a depressing thought, actually. Enough of that.
Back to the conversation with Miles.

If he's not attracted to men, fair enough. Some people are like that.
I haven't met many of them, but it's perfectly plausible. I was sure
he was coming on to me though - shut up, you have a filthy mind. And
of course he's married. To a woman. But then that doesn't necessarily
prove anything, does it? He could still play for both teams. I don't
doubt that he honestly loves her, but...

Anyway, I told him how I feel and according to popular armchair
psychology I should feel so much better now. Armchair psychology is
another thing that I think should be banned on mental health grounds.
You'd think I'd be used to rejection by now. You'd think I'd have
leant never to say anything. Sometimes I can be a terrifyingly slow
learner. Maybe they did mess up my human interaction when they played
around with my genes after all.

He'll have forgotten by tomorrow. At least he'll be acting like he's
forgotten by tomorrow. Go back to the wife and kids, have dinner, get
up in the morning and swear at the wiring again. He's very dependable
like that. Stable.

Why am I only ever any good at fixing other people?

But it's said now, it's in the past. I'll get over it. I always get
over it eventually.

It's not like I'm lonely. I have plenty of friends, I have endless
people I could talk to. I'm perfectly happy. And not lonely. Not
lonely at all.


Computer, end log.

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The End