The BLTS Archive - To Tell The Truth #6f: M'Nea Madeleine by melanie (melanie@skynet.ca) --- "Now, keeping in mind we've never done anything like this before, Commander," Stephane warned Chakotay, "and that prototypes are just that, prototypes. They're never perfect." "I thought you said you just duplicated the EMH's matrix." "Basically we did, Commander," Declan nodded, "but we had to change it a bit. The appearance, personality, and function all were different. Change even a single algorithm and it can set off a whole string of problems. That's the way it goes." "So this might not work." Stephane smiled at this. "Actually, we're expecting it won't. As we just explained, the chances of perfection are slim. You want the honours of turning it on for the first time?" "Okay." Chakotay addressed the ceiling of Holodeck Two. "Computer, activate Emergency Counselling Holographic programme." The air a few metres in front of them shimmered and distorted as the sound of electrical charges crackled around it. The two computer experts made adjustments on the panel controlling the hologram and it started to solidify then vanished. "This is the point where we say I told you so, Commander," Stephane sighed. The First Officer gestured to the empty air where the hologram had stood. "But you almost had it." Declan rubbed his neck. "We almost blew out your holoemitters too. We'll have to keep working on it. Stephane, stop scratching." Stephane's hand dropped from his chest. "It itches like crazy." "I know, mine does too, but we can't scratch or we'll need medical attention." Chakotay looked from one to the other. "What might need medical attention?" The two men gave each other guilty looks like they had said something they should not have then Stephane told him about their drunken tattoo- acquiring expedition. "We haven't seen Kieran or Tom's yet, but-" "Tom Paris? Paris was part of this?" "He actually was the one who brought the subject up." "Well, actually I brought it up," Declan corrected. "I mentioned I'd met you, Commander, and made reference to your tattoo. That brought up the subject of tattoos in general and next thing we knew, each of us were waking up with one." He smirked at Stephane. "And some of them were rather telling, really. By the way, how is Patrice-Therese, Stephane?" "Go to Hell, Declan," Stephane glared. At Chakotay's confusion, Declan explained how Stephane's tattoo was a confession of his secret affection for one Patrice-Therese Flanagan then ducked when Stephane threatened to "belt him one if he didn't cut it out." "From what Maaike said, it shook Tom even more than it did this one," he said, jerking a thumb towards his friend. Chakotay nodded as though it only confirmed something he already knew. "Paris was after this Patrice-Therese himself." The New Kildareans frowned at him. "No," Stephane laughed in disbelief, "seeing B'Elanna's name tattooed on himself was the shock to him. Geez, Commander, we've only been reacquainted with Tom for a few days now, but even we know B'Elanna's the only woman he wants. How could you even think he'd be interested in anyone else?" "The Commander's not Tom's biggest fan," Declan mock-whispered to Stephane. "Thinks Tom's the lowest being ever to disgrace the Universe with his presence." "No, I'm not and he is." Chakotay started for the doors. "I have things to do, gentlemen. If you can get back to me when you're ready to try this again?" They watched him go. "That certainly gave him something to think about." Stephane nodded. "I just hope it can get passed this animosity he has towards Tom." He tapped out a command then the ECH appeared before them without the slightest problem. She was average height and mass, Caucasian, with medium-length brown hair, hazel eyes, and appeared to be in her early 40s. While she was pretty and had a lovely smile, she was not beautiful. They all had agreed upon "a nice, aesthetically-pleasing, though not alluring, motherly figure. Someone everyone would feel at ease with the moment they stepped through the doors and into her 'office.'" With her, they felt they had succeeded. "What do you think?" he asked the hologram. "I think locking them up in a room together would end in two being beamed to sickbay," she informed them, shaking her head. "But we'll have to see what I can do. Can you get them both here at the same time?" "We'll try." "Good. I'll be expecting them." She nodded then shut her programme off. --- "Sunbird-" Sunfire began then stopped as both men gave her their attention. "This is too confusing. I say 'Sunbird' and neither of you know which one of you I'm speaking to." The two Toms nodded to each other. For them, both of them having the same name was not a problem. They both were Tom Paris therefore they both had equal right to the name. But for the sake of clarity from Sunfire's point of view, one of them was going to have to have a new name. "Timothy," the clone told her. "We've always liked the name so you can call me that or 'Tim.'" He looked in askance at his "father" who approved the choice. "Much better than going with 'Eugene,'" Tom smiled. "Don't care how great the man we were named after was, I'm still not crazy about it." The newly christened Tim nodded and smiled back. "Fine then," Sunfire sighed, "Sunbird, Maire's trying to contact you." "Send it in here," Tom ordered, sitting down at the desk. Tim stepped off to one side so the woman who appeared on screen that materialized out of the wall behind the desk did not see him. "Tom, I have good news," she grinned. "Your Vanguard's ready." Both Tom and Tim blinked at the news and shot each other startled glances. "Already?" Tom marvelled. "We've methods that made things go a lot faster." "Utopia Planetia will be interested to hear about them. When can I see her?" "Right now if you'd like. I was about to beam up to the Connemara then over to the Vanguard. I'll meet you up there." "Actually, I have to collect the case I left with in your lab for safe keeping." "I'll meet you in my office then." "Fine. Paris out." Tim shook his head. "Damn." "Exactly. Making a Vanguard would have taken them months. It took the New Kildareans less than a week." "We've got to find out how they did it." "I'll-" Tom rubbed the ache in his temples. "You okay?" He forced his hands to drop. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sunfire, if you will?" He waited for Tom to be transported off of the ship before speaking. "He's not okay, is he?" "He's been through a lot lately. Before and after you were created." "Care to elaborate?" "Just that it's been a rough few days for him." Tom had not told Tim about R'Co and what had happened with her so Sunfire was taking that as a sign he didn't want him to know. She could understand why. This Tom Paris, or Tim as he now was willing to answer to, was not plagued with the same horrible memories Tom was and she could understand the importance Tom would place upon that. Tim did not deserve to know to what lengths his progenitor was willing to descend. It would only upset him too. "You need to rest," she insisted. "You're going to need your strength for what's to come." "I'm not tired though." "You were not so long ago. Just try and lie down, hmm?" Reluctantly, he acquiesced and lay down on the bunk. Diverted by watching over Tim and knowing her counterpart would look after Tom as she herself would since the other ship was her, or would be soon, Sunfire did not devote any attention to keeping track of Tom by listening into his conversations as she usually did. --- An EVA-suited Tom stood on the Bridge of the new Vanguard for the first time and did a slow three-sixty. At this point it was nothing more than a glorified toaster. While the new ship had a computer, it was without a programme to guide it. It had been programmed to do the basics -- how to turn lights on and off, maintain life support, make the turbolift go up and down and open and close doors. What had him so interested was it looked the same as Sunfire but lacked the amber colour that was her interior. The longer he looked at it, the more the dove grey that was this ship's interior made him a bit uneasy. He knew it was only a superficial difference, but it was enough. Thankfully, he was not going to have to live with the change. Tim was. "She's all ready to go," the similarly-attired Maire announced, handing over the case he had left with her in case something happened to him or Sunfire while he had been off chasing Gherop. "All you have to do is add the finishing touch." "And make a few adjustments of my own. Your people are all off?" "Yes, they've beamed over to the Connemara." "I think you should go too. If something goes wrong when I bring the rest of her systems online, I don't want you getting hurt." "I'm not going to-" "Something could go wrong. Please. Go." "All right. Contact me when you're ready for us to release the tractor beam." She called the New Kildarean ship along side them and they beamed her over as Tom exited the Bridge for the Computer Core. Twenty minutes later, the Vanguard computer was online, complete with a duplicate of Sunfire herself to control it. To transfer his colleague's consciousness into the original Vanguard, her essence had been reduced to a series of algorithms. All that had been necessary to then duplicate her was to copy her, the same as one would a file from a database since basically that was all she was now. A string of computer code. "Sunbird?" the familiar voice asked when he was finished. "Yes." "It worked." "Sure did. You okay?" "Yes. All results from my self-diagnostics are positive. Everything works. And you can remove your EVA suit. Life support and gravity are normal now." "I'll hold off on that for a minute, thanks." "Don't trust me?" She sounded a bit put out, but he knew she understood his caution. "With my life. Paris to Connemara. Release the tractor beam." Through the soles of his magnetic boots, he felt a slight shift in the deck plates as the tractor beam that had been holding the ship in orbit as they assembled her was deactivated. Ignoring the movement, he kept his eyes on the readings on the console before him and asked the ship to bring her engines online. Over the course of the next few hours, each of the remaining systems came online and were tested as well. "And that's it," Tom sighed, making the last adjustment. "You are ready to go, Sunfire." Smiling, he shook his head. "You know, this is going to get confusing. We're going to have to give you a name change so we can tell you two apart." "I know," the ship answered. "Any thoughts?" he asked, gathering up the EVA suit he had shed hours ago. "I thought about that when you were duplicating me. Or rather the original Sunfire. I... We thought 'Moonfire' to carry along the theme." He thought about it then nodded his approval. "Moonfire. Sunfire. Good. My duplicate's chosen Timothy, also carrying the theme I guess. Tom. Tim. Can you beam this back to the Connemara?" The EVA suit vanished back to the storage locker on the Connemara from which it came. "Maire wants to come back," Moonfire informed him. "Let her." "You had us worried a while ago," Maire complained the instant she appeared beside him. "That joyride you took-" "I had to see if there were any bugs in the propulsion system." "You still scared the heck out of me. Find anything wrong?" "Everything checks out fine. Your people did an amazing job." "It was an interesting challenge for us." She looked about her. "But we met it." She smiled at him. "So I bet you're hungry. It's suppertime at the O'Connells. I bet your daughter's half way through smearing her food all over her face." Tom shook his head, not over the prediction of what M'Nea Madeleine was up to at that moment, but over the assumption he was hungry. His stomach still did not appear to fond of the idea of eating. "You look tired at any rate," she murmured, placing a hand on his left bicep. She quickly withdrew it when he flinched. "Sorry. Forgot your tattoo. Maaike says it's the word 'B'Elanna's' in Klingon. She confided in me what happened between you and her. You and B'Elanna, I mean, not you and Maaike. I think I agree with Maaike. It's a strange tattoo to pick if you're trying to put someone out of your mind as well as life." "I was drunk." "I had an uncle who had a retort he always delivered when his brother- in-law would get intoxicated and blurt out something that he later tried to take back. 'In vino veritas.' Truth in wine. Or in this case, whatever those horrid things Niels was plying us with last night. You still love her, Tom Paris, and you owe it to yourself and her to go to her and talk this thing out. I had a good talk with her and some of the others when I brought them here and-" "I knew it!" he declared, rounding on her. "I knew their being here was little too coincidental." Maire shifted uncomfortably. "I faked another accident with the Baile Atha Cliath. I found Voyager, faked the accident, making sure they picked me up and bring me back here. Once aboard, I made the suggestion they stay here and do the alterations and we could help them. We knew if they were unable to go anywhere, they'd be here when you returned. When you found Maaike and Stephane, they sent a message here saying you were on your way home and I arranged it so your B'Elanna would see M'Nea Madeleine out with the O'Connells. We knew she'd start asking questions after seeing a Rachar child on New Kildare." "Why?" he demanded. Only extreme self-control was keeping his fists from clenching at his sides. "Originally, we'd planned to give her enough hints she'd eventually figure out we knew you and you'd been here, but we didn't have to. Apparently, you'd mumbled the name M'Nea Madeleine in your sleep a few times and she remembered it. Once she had that piece of the puzzle, we called most of your friends to the O'Connells and told them the truth about knowing you and you were on your way back here from wherever." "First of all, she's not *my* B'Elanna. She's Harry's. Secondly, they're not *my* friends. They can't stand the sight of me." He sighed. "And thirdly, I don't care what any of you did or why. It was a wasted effort, but what's done is done and can't be undone. I'm going to see my daughter. I haven't spent more than fifteen minutes with her since I got back. Moonfire, if you could return to the surface and-" He sent Maire a startled look. "That's why we had to land at the OPRF. You wanted Voyager to see Sunfire and know I was there." "Yes. But since you don't want anyone knowing about Moonfire here, there's an alternate landing field she can go to. The Connemara will give you the co-ordinates. Voyager doesn't know it, but we inserted one of our own programmes into their sensor programmes. It blinded them to seeing the Connemara or it beaming the sections of Moonfire into orbit and assembling them. We'll just keep blinding them to seeing her." "Fine. Moonfire, get the co-ordinates and land. You and Sunfire can link up and she can fill you in on what's happened since we left here. Then I'm going to see my kid." --- "Captain, you look fatigued." Slouched against the turbolift wall, a tired Janeway opened her eyes. "That doesn't even begin to describe it, Tuvok." He stepped into the lift and gave his destination. "The meetings regarding the New Kildarean Relocation-" "Are about a fascinating puzzle, but exhausting. So many experts. So many theories. So many arguments between the experts about those theories. I thought a fistfight was going to break out a couple of times." "Any progress?" "None. They have been working on this for years. It was naïve to think we could come in and figure it all out in a few days." "It was possible a different perspective might have discovered an avenue they had not thought of." "But that's not what happened. How have things been going here? I hate being away while all this is happening to my ship-" "But your presence is more useful elsewhere. The work here is progressing adequately according to all reports." "Good." The lift doors opened. "So where are you off to?" "The surface," he stated without elaboration. She patted his arm as she passed him on her way out of the lift. "Enjoy yourself." He gave her a nod as the doors closed. --- "Thomas, you're home," Nana greeted and gave her grandson a quick embrace as he stepped into the kitchen. There was an excited rush of babbling from the occupant of the high chair that became louder as her grandfather shifted her to the floor. She tottered towards Tom in a stiff-legged wobble. "You are getting so good at walking," Tom congratulated, scooping up his daughter. She giggled and patted his cheek with a hand that was covered in whatever Oran had been feeding her before when Tom had arrived. And as per Maire's prediction, so was her face. The one she was busy burying in the front of Tom's sweater as she tried to hug him with her short arms. "Gee, thanks, sweetheart," he said, grimacing at the mess on his front. "Do you want something to eat?" Nana offered, picking up the empty plate at the place they had set for him at the table. "There's plenty left." "Not hungry." He reached for a napkin to wipe off what little food was left on M'Nea Madeleine's face and hands. "I know how Voyager came to be here," he informed them more as an aside. "We know. Maire called us." "Did she also tell you I wasn't happy to hear it, but I'm not going to care about it?" "Yes. Thomas, honestly, we did have your best interests at heart. We thought if you could at least talk things through, then you might feel better. The way you left things was not good for any of you. You need closure if that part of your life is truly over. Or you need to talk things through if they're not. Quite frankly, Thomas, your seanair and I don't think they are. And that's the last we're going to say on the subject," she quickly added before he could deny her opinion. "Everyone's told you to talk to Voyager's people, that there's more -- and less -- going on than you think and you need to talk to them about it." "What do you mean 'more and less?'" "That's for you to find out, Thomas. But it will be worth the effort if you do." He shook his head, forcing away his curiosity. "The only thing I plan to find out right now is if this one's as ready for bed as she appears to be. Excuse me." M'Nea Madeleine was indeed as sleepy as her limp body told him. The entire time he bathed her and put her in her pyjamas, her eyelids remained at half-mast. By the time he tucked her into the crib Oran had moved from the workshop and into the bedroom next to Tom's, the child was sound asleep. Settling himself in the rocking chair next to the crib, he sat there, thinking and watching her sleep. 'How are you going to leave her?' he questioned himself. *You can't,* Zjna pronounced. *You know if you leave here you won't ever be coming back. If your plans fail, you and Tim will die. If you succeed, so much will be different. The child will be-* 'I don't want to think about that!' he insisted, launching himself from his chair and into the bathroom to refresh his sweater that still had his daughter's supper on it. 'I have to do this. This new plan is the only way to go. The best way for all of us.' *But are you willing to sacrifice everything that you're going to have to sacrifice, whether it works or not? Your daughter? Your friends? Your life?* 'If it stops The Protectors, yes. And it's not much of a life, is it? So it's hardly a sacrifice.' *But you do have one. And you have a child and family here. Don't give all that up so easily. Go with the certainty, Tom Paris. Not the uncertainty. Stay here, with all of them. Don't go off on this vendetta of yours.* Tom yanked his sweater back over his head and dimmed the lights in the bedroom as he walked through it to the hall. 'It's what has to be done! I can't think of me. Not when there are so many others who must be considered.' He went down the front stairs and out of the house. He was not in the mood to see his grandparents right then, despite their contention the subject of his seeing the Crew again was a closed subject. Refuge from it all was what he needed right now and he found it when he went around the side of the house and into the backyard to stand near the water garden where it was peaceful and quiet. Or he had thought he had found it there until a familiar voice sounded behind him less than two minutes later. "This garden was included in one of the holoprograms you and I wrote together," Tuvok remarked. "I wondered at the time if it were not an actual place given the level of detail you added to it." Tom did not turn around. He continued staring up at the moons and planets visible in the night sky. Thanks to the dust cloud, no light from any other stars or anything else could be seen so only those things in the cloud with New Kildare were visible to him. There was no evidence that there was anything else in the Universe, just what he saw above him at that moment. The loneliness of it all was hitting him when the Vulcan's comment reminded him he was not alone on this planet. The people he most wished to avoid were right there, waiting to swoop down on him when he least expected it. Like right now. "What are you doing here, Tuvok?" "Obviously, I came to see you." "Why?" The instant the question left his lips, he knew it was a mistake. It gave Tuvok precisely the opening he wanted to introduce whatever topic it was he wanted to discuss -- probably the issue of his departure from Voyager and why. "I wish to ask you to reconsider your resignation from Voyager," he answered as Tom had predicted. "Your stated reason for leaving no longer is valid. The Rachar are gone except for M'Nea Madeleine. There is no reason for you not to return to Voyager as so many wish you would." Common sense told Tom to just fob Tuvok off with a curt "no" and walk away. Or common sense would have had it not deserted him at the utterance of Tuvok's last comment. "'So many wish I would?' Tuvok, what ship have you been serving on? Clearly not Voyager. The crew wanted me gone and now they have it. End of story." "If that is what they wanted, why then would eight of us with the input of two more and the moral support of many others have met the night before we encountered Ms. Molloy and compiled our arguments for presentation to Captain Janeway. All in favour of Voyager's going to New Rachar after you?" He restrained his desire to whirl around and stare at the Lieutenant Commander in shock. "Why then would some have gone so far as suggest that if the Captain refused to go, we sedate the Captain and Commander," Tuvok continued, "fabricate an excuse for their temporarily being removed from command, and travel to New Rachar instead of here? That one was a bit over the top as you would say, but it does effectively demonstrate the desperation of some to restore you to Voyager's family." "Family?" This time the disbelief came out. "Some family." "I agree, things as of late have been strained, but I do believe they have and will continue to improve. The others, for the most part, have begun to accept your past-" Tom's head snapped around. "'Accept my past?' Oh, that's big of them. I'm so glad they have found it in their hearts to excuse a few murders and such." "It came as a shock to them." "It came as a shock to *me!* Do you honestly think *I* am taking this calmly?" "No, I think if anything you're taking this quite the opposite. Your inner turmoil over these revelations has manifested in physical signs as well. You have lost a considerable amount of mass. Mrs. O'Connell says she has not seen you eat anything in sometime and when you did eat it was very little. It appears you are not sleeping. In this light, the circles under your eyes are rather distinct." "Thank you so much for the psychiatric evaluation, but if I'd wanted one, I'd just go see Nana. That was her field before she retired." He made a frustrated gesture. "I don't... I don't understand you. Why are you here?" "I wished to see you." "Why? Why'd you of all people not turn away from me? Tell me that? When you we in my body and you saw what I did to DeLaur, you didn't freak out. You didn't denounce me as some monster and try to toss me in the Brig or get rid of me somehow? You never liked me or trusted me. You always regarded me as nothing more than the ex-con I am." He hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Living in this mixed up brain of mine, you found more than enough evidence than you'd ever have needed to justify your actions. Why didn't you act on it? Why are you trying to get me to come back to the ship?" Tuvok looked at nothing for a long while. "See, you can't even figure out why." Brown eyes met blue in the moonlight. "What I could not figure out is the exact words to express my answer. It is true that for a long time I regarded you with suspicion. Your past history hardly engendered a sense of dependability or responsibility and with Voyager's precarious situation in the Delta Quadrant, a crewmember who cannot be counted upon is a detriment to the crew. But then you began to show your true self and it became obvious your reputation was undeserved." He almost made a face. "Your reputation for sarcastic remarks and joviality *was* warranted. The rest was not. Then I shared your body and I saw more of you. I saw your kindness and caring for others, even if they disliked you. I saw your unorthodox, yet extremely successful, leadership style and realized it was effective. And I saw how deeply what The Protectors did to you effected you. I know you did not choose to be what they made you, nor do you enjoy it now that you know what you've done. As for why I am here, I was one of the eight who was actively attempting to reunite you with the crew. I firmly believe it is what is best for the crew and for you." Tuvok performed the straightening of his posture and diverting of his gaze that those who knew him best knew always presaged a comment that, had he not been Vulcan, would have been phrased quite differently. "And life without you aboard would be dull." Tom also looked away. Without having said the words, Tuvok's message had been communicated. Tom was his friend and he missed him being there, as annoying and infuriating as his presence often could be. Confused by this development, Tom finally asked a question that had been in the back of his mind since the incident that provoked it had occurred. "Why did you come to the holodeck? The day I was removed from Sickbay and the Helm because everyone was terrified I'd fly them into a planet or kill them when I was supposed to be healing them? You'd been keeping tabs on me. For my protection more than the crew's you said. You just came there to make sure I wasn't up to something? Or was it an accident? You wanted to use the holodeck yourself, but found me in it instead." "I came to find you because I was concerned as to what you would do, yes, but to yourself, not the crew. You were on a holodeck. You always have had a fondness for removing the safeties and that was when you were in an allegedly fine emotional state. Considering you were not in Sickbay as you were scheduled to be, I knew there had to be a reason and it probably would involve you being in a less than calm emotional state so I came to ensure you were acting sensibly." His frown could be heard in his voice. "Even if everyone else was not." The pilot's eyes widened in surprise as he stared sideways at him. "You're actually talking against Janeway?" "Not precisely. Throughout this entire interlude, everyone has been acting out of character at times and rash decisions have been made. The everyone includes yourself, Mr. Paris." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Leaving Voyager." Again, he looked away. "That hardly was rash." "Leaving everything and everyone you know for a group of people who were-" "Who were what? Safe and sound where they were? That's what Chakotay and Janeway claimed at the time, but they weren't, were they? I should never have left them. I should have sent you, Harry, Neelix, and the Doc back to Voyager on the Gherop ship and had you bring Voyager to New Rachar. Then I would have been there when the Rachar needed me." "And you would have died and Voyager may have been caught on the way there as your friends say you said Sme and Mksa's ship was. One ship, no matter how advanced as Sunfire is, could not have stopped what happened on New Rachar. You would not have survived long against them. No matter how many lives they say you have." Tom made a face to himself. "And that was not the real reason you left. Of at least not all of it, was it? Your other reason has been made public." He related the incident with Naomi overhearing and blurting things out in the Mess Hall. Tom stopped him before he could go on about the revision that was made to the story the next day. "I've heard you all know about it. I don't need a replay." "All of it?" "Yes." Tuvok frowned at him. "It is not my place to comment as I am not directly involved, however I will say you do need to discuss what happened with Ms. Torres and Mr. Kim. Even if you are not willing to take her back after this-" "Take her back?! Are you crazy? Why the Hell would she want me to take her back when she's got perfect Harry Kim to warm her bed?" Tuvok's frown eased. "You don't know everything. I wondered when you contended that you did. You need to speak with Lieutenant Torres and Mr. Paris on this subject. I could tell you what more you need to know, but I do not think you would believe me if I told you. I will tell you things are not quite as they appear to be, Mr. Paris. That is all I will say." His audience made a noise of disbelief. After everyone telling him basically what Tuvok had just said and now for the second time that day, someone suggesting to him things were not how he thought they were but refusing to elaborate, he was fed up. "'Not quite as they appear to be?' You tell me then, Tuvok, since you seem so determined to advise me on how I should be running my life, how *should* I interpret what I've heard and more importantly seen with my own eyes? I could have been misinformed, fine, but misunderstood what I saw for myself? Doubtful. Not when it was as obvious as what I saw. Not many interpretations one can make from that." "Make from what precisely?" "When I heard about them, I didn't believe it. I thought about it for a while. Why would Geron be telling me such a lie and have Jenny back him up? Then I went to see Harry. My so-called best friend. When he answered the door, he was dressed for bed, looked like he had just got out of bed, and there was B'Elanna, my so-called mate and love of my life, standing in front of the bed, finishing dressing. So you tell me, Tuvok. You tell me how I could possibly misinterpret that?" The Vulcan nearly lost his composure, he was so shocked. Tom saw this and, hearing no rebuttal, he nodded at his debate opponent then went up the path to the house. Tuvok stood there in the night, thinking for a long time, wondering if he should talk to Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Torres or just leave well enough alone. After a while he came to a decision and returned to Voyager. --- "Captain, our destination *is* the dust cloud." I'Ra nodded. "The C'Cri?" "Will be here in moments. Sir, we have analyzed their ship and their path here. Indications are they know precisely where they are going. They have made course corrections that show they are following one of the other trails we have detected entering the cloud. Clearly, their sensors are not damaged as we thought, so may I again suggest working with them? In addition to the trail we are following, there's the one they're after plus another. That's at least three ships that are in that cloud already. Three against one are not good odds at anytime and they're even worse when we'd be trying to trail them through this cloud. Our sensors can only penetrate a short distance into it. The farther into it we go, the shorter that distance will become. We won't be able to see them until we're almost on top of them and there's no telling we'll be able to get out once we go in." "So we lay down markers as we go and have weapons and shields to maximum. It's that simple." "But what if we and the C'Cri worked together? We would improve our chances of success. And they could be useful. Given their heading, they have been following one or both of the other ships. They might have knowledge about them that could be useful if we have to confront them." I'Ra considered this. The smile that soon creased his face betrayed the plan forming in his mind. "Yes, you have a good point. Get me the C'Cri." "Yes, sir." --- "It's the captain of the T'Ar." E'Cta was surprised, but did not show it. 'Here comes the demand we withdraw or something along those lines,' she thought. "I'll speak with him." I'Ra's unsmiling face appeared on the screen. "What are you doing here?" he demanded bluntly. "I could ask you the same question, Captain, but we both already know the answers to those questions. What is it that you want?" "I want to propose we work together to capture our quarry. Objections?" "None." She heard her First Officer shift uncomfortably behind her and ignored it. E'Cta had not forgotten with whom she was dealing nor how this would end if she did not plan for after they had Voyager in their grasp. She knew the T'Ar's captain would be. "Good." "In anticipation of your request, I formulated a plan. Care to hear it?" "Of course." His tone indicated he would "hear" it. "Listen" to it and "follow" it were something else entirely. --- "I hear the alterations are complete." Not glancing up from her console, B'Elanna nodded to Chakotay. "We have to double check everything and do the diagnostics, Commander." Her stress on the title showed she still was displeased with him and did not welcome his intrusion into her domain. "Good. Then we'll be home soon." She straightened and turned on him. Literally. "First, we have to finish the diagnostics. Then we have to finish trying to get Tom to talk to us. Once we've done that and he's come home where he belongs *then* we'll go home." "B'Elanna-" "If there's nothing else work related, Commander, I have a lot to do and I still haven't had breakfast yet." Chakotay sighed as she walked off. 'So much for her having got the point that Paris doesn't want to come back and her giving up on him. I should have known she wouldn't concede defeat easily. She never does.' --- "This has to be confusing for her, but she doesn't seem to care," Tim laughed. Smiling, Tom shrugged. "More attention for her." After she had eaten her breakfast and Tom had managed to swallow a couple of mouthfuls of toast without having to make a dive for the nearest bathroom, they had come here to Moonfire where Tim now resided, it having been decided earlier that Tom would remain with Sunfire. At first the little girl had not known what to make of seeing two of her father, but that confusion had lasted only seconds then she was crawling up into Tim's lap for a hug. He readily gave it. "Tuvok came to see me last night at the O'Connells," he told his clone a few minutes later. "According to him, there are some on Voyager that want Tom Paris back amongst them. Some of them even supposedly were working on ways to get the Captain to come get us, er, me." "Do you believe him? He is willing to lie *if* it's for the good of the ship, remember." "Yeah. I believe him. Some of the crew must have realized they might need Tom Paris before they got home or something. I don't know. And he harped on how I need to talk to B'Elanna and Harry about what happened. How there's more to this than I know." "Tom? Considering all the people who've told you that? You think maybe there is?" He ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know. How much more could there be? She's pregnant? It's not mine if she is. That implant is working at least." "Maybe it's got something to do with Raven and his hormones? Maybe they're what made her sleep with him? It wasn't her doing. She just couldn't help herself?" "Grasping at straws." "I know, but aren't you hoping it is something like that?" "She still would have slept with him. And that wouldn't excuse his having slept with her." "He was torn up about Souris. Maybe it was a looking for consolation and now he wants to disembowel himself on your doorstep out of shame?" "We really are melodramatic at times. I never realized that until now." Tim grinned back then sobered. "It might be that. We'll never know unless you talk to them." "And if it's something we don't want to hear?" "Then it's something we don't want to hear. But you and I both know you want to find out what it is. It's nagging at you, everyone knowing something we don't and no one will tell us what it is." "Yeah." He gestured to their daughter. "You want to look after her for a while?" "You're going to see them now?" "No. I have to see Maire. She mentioned Voyager was working with them on trying to get System 091 home and I was interested to know if they've made any progress. And I want to know when they'll be finished with Voyager's alterations." "Can't be long now." "No, it can't. Moonfire, if you'll beam me to Maire's office?" When Tim and M'Nea Madeleine were left alone on board, Moonfire and Sunfire finished their conversation. "So much for keeping them away from the Voyager crew," Moonfire grimaced. "We should have been monitoring them and Voyager instead of talking and watching Tim." "But Tom was just going to the O'Connells. How could we have known anyone, especially Tuvok, would go find him?" "That Klingon bitch did the other night. And the Delaney twin. But that was before you were activated." "So we'd better start monitoring him and them again. You take Voyager. I'll do Tom." There was a pause as the two ships attempted to do just that. "Whatever the New Kildareans did to Voyager must be blocking me. I can't tap into her systems." "There's clearly some bug in my systems because I can't monitor Tom." "Get Tim to look you over and see if he can find it. I'll keep trying with Voyager." --- Q smirked behind his mate's back. He was beginning to wonder if those two would ever discover his little bit of tampering. And if Q was listening to them, which he doubted, she would think it was the New Kildarean's fault. Now he finally was going to see some fireworks. He just wished his mate was not there or he could have interfered some more and made sure the fireworks happened right away. But she was there, so he had to wait until they blundered into him themselves. --- "It's no good. It came back negative too." After beaming M'Nea Madeleine back to her great-grandparents, Tim had started to work checking for the malfunction in her comm system. He had been searching for almost an hour now and still had found nothing. "There has to be an explanation," he insisted, removing yet another panel and scanning the circuitry inside with an Engineering tricorder. "Are you sure your diagnostic programme isn't faulty and that's why you can't find the problem yourself?" "But it was fine when I ran it right after I was activated." "I'm not finding anything wrong here." "But there has to be." "I'm not finished yet. I'll keep looking." As he continued, Moonfire told herself to stop fretting over Tom. 'Yes, you can't hear or see what he's doing, but he was just going to see Maire. There shouldn't be anything to worry about.' But she could not help it. Tom was out there and visions of horrible things happening to him were going through her mind. The most terrible image was that he had run into that 'Klingon bitch' -- a term she had picked up from Sunfire -- and she was upsetting him with more lies. Worried, she tried to locate him with her external sensors and discovered they worked and he was safe in Maire's office. She also discovered something with her long-range sensors that told her "safe" was a relative term. --- "-So they haven't been able to explain our being here any better than our own scientists have." Tom nodded and wrapped his hands around the mug of tea she given him. "I'm sorry. When I heard they were working on the problem with your people, I hoped they might come up with something." Maire shrugged. "But we're here. We're happy. Sure we'd be happier back in the Alpha Quadrant with everyone else, but here's not so bad. And now with the Vanguard schematics, we can build a fleet of them and go back to the Alpha Quadrant if we so desire. It would be a shame to leave all this behind, but it is nice to have that option." "Just remember, the Gopher Hole weakens the space where you use it. You can use it in an area once and you'll be okay. Space seems to be able to handle that. Use it more than once in the same area and you have troubles." "Understood." The computer on her desk beeped. "Excuse me." She tapped the appropriate button to open the channel and received only audio. "Sunbird?" Tom frowned. "Sunfire? Why are you using this channel?" "I'll explain later. We have bigger troubles." She relayed the scans she and Moonfire were taking. "Long range sensors show two Gherop ships on their way here." "They're a long way from Gherop space." "One of them is the T'Ar. The troop ship that was in the area when Mining Station 189 blew. The one that picked up the Gherop shuttle. The other one, I don't recognize." "Any indications as to where they're headed?" "Here. We've been watching them for five minutes now and they've made only subtle alterations to their course. Each time, it was to bring them closer to here. The smaller one's flight path indicates it's following the warp trails of the Dublin and Voyager. The other, the Connacht's. At their current velocity, it'll be thirty minutes at most before they reach the outer edge of the dust cloud. If they can keep following the trails in, it will be about another thirty before they reach the inner edge of the cloud. We've checked and if they go slow, they should be able to follow the warp trails right to us." "We'll just have to take care of them before that happens. Maire, in the meantime, you alert everyone on the surface that New Kildare might be coming under attack." He stood and set his cup on Maire's desk. "Sunfire, you and Moon are to prepare for launch. And send M'Nea Madeleine to the O'Connells." "She's already there," Moonfire answered. "Good. Sunfire, I'll be with you in a minute. Paris out." Maire gaped at him. "You're not actually going out there to confront them?" "There are only two of them," Tom said. "We can handle them." "But that one is enormous." "And we have cloaks and a few tricks up our sleeves the Gherop don't know about. We'll take them." Sadly, she shook her head. "When Maaike and Stephane followed you, we never thought about their shuttle leaving a warp trail or anyone following it back here. Or when I went to get Voyager." "You didn't know the danger, so you didn't know there was any need for hiding your warp trail. But that doesn't matter now. How far have Voyager's alterations progressed?" "We finished them early this morning. Right now, they're running the final diagnostics to see everything works." "Good. We may need them as our ace in the hole. You contact your president and warn her about the danger. Then tell Janeway the same. We'll go out to intercept them and hopefully take care of them before they get here. But if we can't, then it will be up to Voyager to take care of them." "You can't fire on them inside the cloud," she warned. "Phaser fire will ignite the dust." She named off the long series of elements that consisted of the majority of the particles in the dust cloud. "In the past, we've had some close calls because of that." "And the same will happen if we fire photon torpedoes. One explosion, a chain reaction starts, taking the cloud and all of us with it." "Exactly. I wonder if the Gherop know this?" Tom grimaced. "I don't know, but we definitely don't want to have to find out. We'll take care of this, but if we can't, make sure Voyager and your own people know not to engage the Gherop inside the cloud or anywhere near it. If you have to though, lure them as close to the centre of the cloud. Every shot will have to hit its mark. That'll mean a close range firefight only. Let Voyager take point and-" "Firefight? Point?" Tom sighed inwardly. 'You're dealing with a civilian,' he reminded himself. "If you have to fight the Gherop, let Voyager go after them first. Keep your shuttles back to guard New Kildare. And if you have to fire at them, you have to be close to them so the shot or torpedo doesn't go wide and hit the cloud. If they get into the centre of the cloud, there's plenty of room in here so any explosion of their ships or yours shouldn't effect the cloud. But I can't be sure so we'll have to stop them before they get in. Just in case, have all your people get to shelter. Basements or anything underground. You'll have the greatest protection down there if anything happens. Okay?" "Got it. Good luck, Tom." "And to you," he shouted over his shoulder as he ran out of the office. --- "What do we do?" Oran asked their guest after they had listened to the message Maire sent to apprise them of the situation. "We launch our ships as Tom says." "Tom could get hurt," Nana worried. "Either of them." "I know. If it looks like that is going to be the outcome, we'll reveal ourselves and take care of them." "But we still haven't done all that we set out to do." "And I hope we still can do it, but it looks like it might be too late for that. Besides, our approach so far has not worked. Perhaps the more direct approach would. The groundwork we've laid and the ECH will help." "I hope it doesn't not backfire on us. Revealing ourselves to him never was the idea. He might react badly." "He'll understand. I'm sure of it." --- "Captain, we're receiving a transmission from Maire Molloy." Standing next to Tuvok as he ran the final diagnostic on the New Kildarean improvements to their internal sensors, Janeway nodded to Harry. A moment later, Maire's anxious face appeared on the main viewer. "Captain, I've already warned my people and now I'm warning you. There are two ships on a direct intercept with New Kildare. Tom says they're Gherop and should reach the cloud within half an hour. He's going to head them off before they get that far and our ships already are preparing to protect the planet, but if Tom can't take care of the Gerhop, he wants Voyager to be ready to defend us. I must make it absolutely clear, however, that weapons are not be fired inside the cloud or it will blow us all into the next life." Janeway, all too familiar with the chemical composition of the dust cloud thanks to the interminably long discussions with the bickering scientists, nodded. "Understood." "Maire out." "Captain," Tuvok said almost immediately, "there are dozens of shuttles already lifting off from the surface. They will be no match for the Gherop ships if they- They have vanished." She bent over his console. "What do you mean vanished?" "It appears they have cloaking devices on their ships, Captain." "Tom must have given it to them." "Regardless of how they received them, while they may not be any match for the Gherop in weaponry, the cloaks will give them an edge. One which we do not have." "Let's hope Tom and Sunfire can handle the Gherop before the New Kildareans have to try to. Harry, beam back any of our people still on the surface. Janeway to Engineering." "Torres here," B'Elanna's voice answered back over the sounds of discussion in the background. "I hope you haven't found any problems, Lieutenant." "None so far, but we haven't finished yet." "You have less than half an hour to complete whatever's left." "Captain?" "The Gherop are on their way to pay us a visit." --- "How far can the Gherop long range sensors see?" Tim asked as he piloted Moonfire towards the inner edge of the dust cloud. "About the same as Voyager," Tom answered from Sunfire, which was keeping pace along side. "Why?" "As soon as we start into the cloud, we'll be visible. The displacement of the dust particles before and behind. Any one who's looking will be able to pinpoint where we are instantly." "Including Voyager who doesn't know you two exist." "And we need to keep it that way if our plan is to work." "Okay, tighten up formation. Sunfire, extend your shields around Moonfire. We'll go through looking like one large object instead of two smaller ones, that way Voyager and the Gherop will never know. They haven't any idea how far Sunfire's shields extend out around her so they won't think anything of us displacing such a large volume of space." The advantage of Tim being a clone of Tom was they both had the same flying skills and approaches to piloting situations so when they performed the manoeuvre it was flawlessly done and with zero danger to either ship. With anyone else, that might not have been the case. Anything could have gone wrong at any point, but they made it through to the other side and separated once more with ease. And by then, Tom had been briefed on Moonfire's inability to access his subdermal communicator and Sunfire's to access Voyager's internal sensors. "We'll have to look into all that later," he dismissed. "We'll just have to hope Moonfire doesn't have anymore bugs and is ready to do battle. Either way, you'll be finding out the hard way, Tim." "I did a poke around with the tricorder and didn't find anything so we should be okay. How do you want to handle the Gherop?" "Can you tap into the Gherop's computers, Moonfire?" "No," she responded. "So no taking over their controls and stopping them that way. A plain and simple pre-emptive strike then. Sunfire, what's Voyager's status?" She showed him on the Helm console. "They're almost through the cloud." "Good. Let's try and make their presence unnecessary." --- "U'Pde?" He yanked on the last of his uniform and nodded. "Yes?" "We are approaching what appears to be Voyager's destination. There are, however, a few problems." They stepped out of the P'Ro's Captain's quarters and started for the Bridge. "A few?" "The destination is a dust cloud and there already are two of our ships approaching it." "I don't care if the leader -- whomever that is now -- is there him or herself. I want Voyager and Sunfire." He settled into his command chair in the centre of the Bridge. "And I want the crew alive. Emphasize that to the crew." "Yes, U'Pde." His dark grey eyes settled on the new addition imbedded in the arm of his chair. "Soon you will have you vengeance," he told the image of U'Pti. "Soon." --- "Report," I'Ra demanded. "Sensors indicate the trails continue on towards that cloud, Captain." his First Officer informed him. "But we're still too far from it to scan it further." "So we still don't know what there could be, if anything in there. They could be using it as a hiding place. There might be other ships in there whose warp trails we have not detected yet. A station of some sort even." "So what are your orders? Do we hold here and wait to see who comes out or do we go closer and provoke a confrontation?" "I would prefer to have more information. Is the C'Cri still with us?" "They're still limping along." "As long as they can stay together long enough to play their part, that's all I care abo- What is it?" "A ship. One of ours. Just appearing on long range sensors. It's the P'Ro." "What's it doing here?" "Don't know, sir. It was one of the ships attached to Rachar." "Send a message to them. Demand to know what they're doing here." I'Ra had a bad feeling about this newcomer, but it was banished as the Bridge rocked from impacts to their shields. Caught unawares, the T'Ar crew were tossed from their seats. "Report!" I'Ra shouted, scrambling back into his command chair as more volleys hit home. "Unknown attackers. Shields are down to eighty-two percent." "Re-enforce the shields and return fire!" "We can't see anything to fire at. They're invisible." "Analyze their firing patterns and project their flight path and target that." "There's a disturbance in the cloud." "What do you mean 'disturbance?'" "Cannot tell at this point." I'Ra glared at the view of the cloud showing on the main viewer. Then he began to smile as Voyager shot out of the dust particles. "There she is. Launch the fighters." --- "Captain, we've cleared the cloud," Baytart announced. "Harry, try to hail the Gherop," Janeway instructed. The ensign tried repeatedly with no success. "Keep trying, Harry. Tuvok, what is it?" "I don't know," the Lieutenant Commander at Tactical responded in a puzzled voice to match his puzzled frown. His eyes remained glued to his readouts. Taking her seat, she gave Chakotay a look then they both cast their eyes to the screen between their chairs. Free of the last of the particles, their sensors cleared and they were able to take their first look at their enemy. Merely by looking, it was easy to see the smaller ship presented no major threat. The larger one, was trouble however. The squadron of fighters suddenly appearing from every launch bay only confirmed that. "The larger ship's shields are losing power," Tuvok continued. "The smaller ships are two-occupant ships." "Mr. Baytart, move further away from the cloud. Tuvok, do not fire unless we have to. We don't know where Sunfire is. We don't want to hit Tom by mistake." And neither did the Gherop it seemed. The crew of Voyager all blinked as three of the Gherop fighters were destroyed by phaser blasts that came from nowhere to rip through them. Another two went the way of the first three seconds later. Both the fighters and the T'Ar tried concentrating their fire in places they anticipated their attacker would be, but all they succeeded in doing was taking out a few of their own fighters in the process. The C'Cri, not actively engaged in the battle up to this point, broke from the protection of the T'Ar's side and headed straight towards Voyager, all weapons firing. One short blast from Voyager's main phaser banks was all it took to knock the rattletrap ship off of course and spin harmlessly away. The fighters who approached were not so easily subdued. Voyager shook with several hits, but continued to fire back against the fighters that just seemed to keep coming. --- "Sunbird, the little ship's gone after Voyager," Sunfire told her pilot. "Ignore it. It's crippled," was the response. "If they can't handle that piece of space junk, they should abandon ships now. Tim, Moonfire, concentrate on the fighters. I'm going after the T'Ar." --- Voyager, however, did not ignore it. "Captain," Harry called out, "the smaller ship. It's out of control and almost powerless. They're sending out an SOS but their people aren't responding." Janeway looked at her First Officer. "I think we have an opportunity here, Commander." Chakotay immediately picked up on her meaning. "You're thinking we rescue them and they're so grateful they talk their friends into ending this?" "It's worth a shot. Mr. Baytart, get us to that ship. Tuvok, lock onto it once we're in range of the tractor beam." The Security Chief was the voice of caution as always. "Captain, this might be a trap. Or if it is not, it is unlikely the crew of that ship will be interested in anything other than carrying out their orders to capture us. Their assisting us to end this conflict is unlikely." "But not impossible. We have to at least try." "Aye, Captain." --- "What the Hell are they doing?" Tom gasped, glancing at Voyager's course change. "They had orders to-" "They're not soldiers," Sunfire reminded him. "No, but I didn't think they were stupid. Sunfire to Moonfire, are you seeing this?" "Voyager?" Tim asked. "Yeah. Janeway to the rescue again." "Well, not this ti- Damnit!" --- It was a trap. As soon as Voyager had caught the C'Cri in her tractor beam, all of the fighters broke off from the T'Ar and swarmed Voyager and the C'Cri. At first, Voyager thought the fighters were coming to protect the injured ship. Then the "injured ship" demonstrated quite effectively it needed no protection from anyone. The fighter's pelted Voyager's shields with volley after volley while the C'Cri sent feedback into the tractor beam, knocking it out and causing a further weakening of the shields at the same time. Captain Janeway tried having Baytart move them to safety, but they were surrounded. --- "Tim, break off and help me clear a path here for these idiots." "I'm trying, but I have to clear one for myself first. Where do they keep coming from?" "I don't know, but that third Gherop ship on long range? It's coming right for us." "Just what we didn't need." "The Gherop are going to win at this rate," Sunfire predicted gloomily. "Not if I have anything to say about it," Tom bit out. "I don't think there's much anyone can do about it now. We have to retreat and draw them away from New Kildare." --- Maire's office door opened and Nana, Oran, and M'Nea Madeleine entered. "I've analyzed the battle. With the inclusion of this third Gherop vessel that will arrive within minutes and if things continue to progress in the manner in which it appears they shall, Tom and the others will not survive." "We cannot permit that to happen," Maire was reminded. "We have no choice but to take care of this ourselves. Send the message to Voyager and Sunfire and Moonfire to get as far from here as possible." "I've calculated the minimum safe distance. It will take them three point two seven minutes to achieve it." "Then they should get going. Send our ships out." --- "Moonbird, look," Moonfire called to her pilot. Tim glanced at what she wanted him to see. "Oh, no. Tom, there are disturbances in the cloud. Lots of them. New Kildarean's are coming." "What?" Tom exclaimed. "Has everyone taken leave of their senses? Sunfire, open a channel to them." "They're calling us," Sunfire informed him. "Stephane to Sunfire and Moonfire," the audio only message began. "Stephane? What the-" "Just listen. You need to get Voyager to the following co-ordinates and immediately. We have a way to take care of the Gherop, but we need all of you out of here." "Take care of how?" "Just do it, you two. Stephane out." "What are they up to? And how'd he know about Moonfire?" "Figure it out later," Tim demanded. "Voyager's up to her nacelles in alligators and the T'Ar is moving in for the kill. Not to mention our late entrant to this shooting match is fast approaching." "Okay, okay. What's your status?" "I've taken a few hits. Shields to ninety-one percent. Cloak at ninety-seven. You?" "Eighty-nine and ninety-five." "What we did at Kaod'a Prime?" "That was with three ships though," Tom reminded him. "I don't know how two ships will fare." "It's only for a short time." "If the New Kildareans can do what they think they can." "Fine. You tell Voyager. I'll look after ploughing us a path." --- Considering it had been almost two weeks since they had last heard Tom Paris' voice and the emotional upheaval everyone had been through since, Janeway's voice was remarkably calm when she answered his hail. "Go ahead, Mr. Paris." "Your Helm and Tactical will be receiving co-ordinates and instructions," he informed her in an equally emotionless voice. "Who's on each?" "Baytart on Helm. Tuvok on Tactical." "Good. Listen up, gentlemen. This is what's going to happen." Tom briefly outlined the plan, not mentioning Tim or Moonfire. "Questions?" "What are the New Kildareans going to do to the Gherop?" "I don't know and I don't care. My concern is getting Voyager out of the way so they can do it. Pablo, Tuvok, we're in place. Surrender control now." The Helm and Tactical officers removed their hands from their consoles as the ships assumed control of them. "I don't want to destroy them," Janeway tried to argue. "I want to try to talk with them and-" "There is no talking with the Gherop. They have orders to capture Voyager and Sunfire intact, but if they absolutely have to destroy her, they will. And I don't have time to argue. That third ship is almost here." "But, Tom-" "We will do whatever it takes to protect New Kildare. The Gherop may refrain from killing Voyager's crew, but New Kildareans are a different matter. Now just sit back and let us handle this. Paris out." Janeway huffed, angry at her former Helmsman's cavalier attitude towards the Gherop. She too hated the Gherop for trying to take her ship and her crew and for tricking them so thoroughly, yet killing them was a last resort. She would have preferred to talk to them first and exhaust that avenue only now Tom had control of Voyager's systems and she could not do anything to stop him from doing what he wanted. --- "Press on," I'Ra ordered smugly. "We almost have them. Remind all our people to fire only until their shields are weak then stop. With the threat of destruction before them, they'll have to surrender." "Captain, the P'Ro is here." "Have they finally explained their presence?" "No, they refuse to respond to- Message coming in from them now." "On screen." U'Pde's face appeared on the main view screen. "Thank you so much for having found Voyager for me, T'Ar." "What are you talking about?" "Voyager is mine. You and your people will hold them at bay while my people board her and take her crew." "D'Itu has ordered she be brought back to the Homeworld so her propulsion system can be examined." "I don't want the ship. Just the crew." "He wants both." "He's not going to get both." U'Pde terminated the transmission "They are heading for Voyager," E'Di announced. "Stop them. And do something about those invisible attackers from the cloud. They're distracting out fighters." "We're trying." --- "Tom, here comes the T'Ar and that other big ship," Tim warned. "I'm almost in place." "Make it quick. Voyager's shields won't last much longer and the Gherop have destroyed two more New Kildarean shuttles. That's eleven gone so- That's odd. Either this is a strange new tactic for them or the Gherop are up to something. The T'Ar's firing on the newcomer. At least that's what it looks like. But it's leaving us an opening." "Then we'll take it. Ready in three. Three. Two. One. Engage." --- "Target Voyager's Bridge and fire," U'Pde ordered. "Targeting," A'Nce answered. "We have a-" "Where'd they go?!" Where Voyager had been only seconds earlier, there was nothing. C'Cri and the Gherop fighters were so stunned by this, they actually stopped firing for a long moment. This was a mistake for no sooner had they done this than three of their fighters were blown up and the invisible New Kildareans took after the others. None saw their now cloaked quarry slip out through the hole in their blockade and go to warp. It was not until one of their fighters flew out of control directly through the space where Voyager was supposed to be, did they realize she was gone. On his bridge, U'Pde slammed his fist down onto his chair arm so hard he shattered his late brother's image. --- "E'Cta?" "Search for her warp trail," she ordered R'Eti. "We can't. Our sensors are intermittent at best. The last hit scrambled them pretty good. Engineering's on it." "Tell them to work fast. The T'Ar is occupied with the P'Ro and the fighters are busy trying to stop whatever came out of the cloud. This is our chance to swoop in and capture Voyager when they're not looking. If we fail, we won't be able to go home. Remind everyone of that." --- R'Eti had little chance to remind anyone of anything. Less than three minutes later, Maire looked across her desk to the one who had been giving her orders. "Voyager's just passing the safe distance." "Then it's time." --- "Harry?" "I don't understand it, Captain," he gasped, but they just went passed us like we weren't even there." "Tuvok?" "The shields are holding, but only barely. As for the Gherop suddenly ignoring us, I have no explanation." "Harry, try getting a hold of Sunfire." "They're coming on now. Audio only." "What is it, Voyager?" "Tom," she asked him, "what happened? Why'd they ignore us?" "We re-enforced your shields with ours and extended our cloak around you. Neither will hold for long, but it was long enough." "Sunbird, we're passing the co-ordinates they gave us." "Coming out of warp. Whatever their plan is, now's the time it's going to happen." And happen it did. While the Gherop continued to squabble and fight ghosts, the cloud suddenly begin to glow as if lit from inside. In a matter of seconds it went from a mild brightness to a blinding one. For only a split second everyone aboard Voyager, Sunfire, and Moonfire could see the Gherop ships perfectly silhouetted against the light before it absorbed them. Then the shockwave hit the three ships farther out and knocked everyone unconscious. --- "Sunbird? Sunbird, wake up! Moonfire, Sunbird won't wake up. Moonfire?" Sunbird used her sensors to check on her fellow ship. She was in one piece only she glowed with a strange aura that was fading. "Sunfire?" Moonfire called once the glow had subsided. "What happened?" "The U Llat Dust Cloud is gone. The only thing I can think of is a stray shot detonated it." "Are you damaged?" "No, I'm fine. Those poor people." "At least it was quick." "A small mercy. Good thing we and Voyager were this far away or we'd have gone too." "Amazing coincidence." "You don't honestly think they blew themselves up, do you? To take care of the Gherop?" "No, way. They aren't that crazy." "How else would you explain us being just far enough away for so nothing happened to us?" "Actually that's not quite true. Something did happen. You were glowing." "Glowing?" "Yes." "I do feel sort of strange." "Strange how?" "I don't know. Just different. Residue from the explosion?" "Perhaps." "You weren't glowing though." "I can't explain it." "Moonbird's not waking up. His vitals are good though." "Same with Sunbird." "Do we send them to the EMH?" "Not unless they don't wake up soon. It would be too hard to explain two of them." "We're going to have to explain two of us in a moment. My shields are going down. And my cloak. They were overtaxed and it was their first time out. Voyager's going to see us soon." "They'll think your me but won't understand why or how my hull's colour's changed to match theirs." "What do we do?" "When Moonbird and Sunbird wake up, they'll fix you. For now, I'll use my cloak and to hide you and shields to protect both of us. Move closer." --- Tom and Tim opened their eyes to see they were in the meadow they had seen when Tom Paris had made the ill-fated trip to meet his spirit guide. The currently bedraggled looking golden eagle who was their spirit guide was there, perched on a large rock. "Why'd you bring us here?" Tom asked the bird. "And how?" *I did not bring you here,* their spirit guide informed them. *She did." The two men turned around to see M'Nea Madeleine sitting on another rock, looking like a small Buddha they had seen once while on a third grade field trip to the Chi'in History Museum in Beijing. The serene, all-knowing look on the gold statue's face had given the young boy both prickles of unease and pangs of envy. He had wished he had known whatever it was that this statue knew to make it smile like that while at the same time he was afraid to know. Tom and Tim felt this now. "I am not what you think I am," M'Nea Madeleine said matter-of-factly. Her "fathers" reeled at hearing their daughter speak and in such a mature voice. "Nor were those with whom you have been interacting for the passed two weeks." "What are you talking about?" Tim demanded. Tom looked around them, clearly expecting to see more than he did. "This is some sort of trick. Camet or one of the others is-" "This is no trick Tom Paris," she denied. "It has to be. This place. You talking to us. This isn't real." "It is very real. I took on the form of this child so that I could interact with you on your plane of existence more easily. My people cannot survive for long on your plane in our natural forms. A couple of days at most." Tim put his hand in Tom's and held tight, hoping the contact would calm him. The newer of the two Tom Parises shared the elder's fear, but Tom seemed close to panic and he could not understand why. He already knew there was something or things Tom had not told him about, things that had occurred after Tim began to grow and their memories ceased to be the identical. Whatever it was, Tim had the feeling it was horrific and that was putting him on edge. His greatest fear was that edge was becoming slippery. He was uncertain if he could catch his "father" if he started to fall. "You say your people," Tim continued in a neutral voice. "You're not talking Rachar obviously." "No," M'Nea Madeleine said, shaking her head. "You can't pronounce our species' name. Your vocal cords couldn't master our language. The New Kildareans called me "The Aoidh." The Visitor. You may think of me and my people as that too." "If you can't survive on our plane, how'd you meet the New Kildareans?" "Almost twenty-five of your years ago, we were on a mission of mercy. Our people were sick and dying. Those of us who still were healthy were sent out to bringing back our equivalent of what you would call medical supplies. Our home was deep within the centre of the Universe. The cure, unfortunately was not. In order to get it, we had to leave home and travel through your galaxy and on a plane extremely close to your own then back again to get home. We made it through the first time fine, but on the trip back home, we encountered the results of an experiment your people had been conducting. To your people, the fallout from it was unremarkable. Yet for us, it was very nearly deadly. It caused our... ship I guess would be the best word to use for our transportation. It's not quite accurate, but it is close enough for you to understand what we mean. It caused our ship to malfunction and we crashed in New Kildare's atmosphere. It was that crash that caused the controls that regulated New Kildare's weather to go offline. Unfortunately, in trying to fix them, they unknowingly damaged our ship further." She was silent as she remembered that day. "We were able to protect our ship from being destroyed for only one more of their days, then it could no longer be maintained. It was then that we had to reveal ourselves to the New Kildareans." "But not as yourselves." A nod was made to Tom, whose fear was subsiding nicely under contact with Tim. "No. I was able to project myself same as my people did for you and Voyager's crew. I made myself look human, only I did not have the time to prepare myself as we did for you. When we crashed on New Kildare, we had no advance warning. We crashed and to save my people, I had to scramble to recreate myself in a form that would put the New Kildareans at ease." She smiled now. "I met your seanair and seanmhair first. It was in the foothills near their property that we crashed. They met me and stayed with me throughout the rest of what happened." The smile vanished. "Once they and the others found out about what had happened to my people, they tried valiantly to save us and send us on our way again. And eventually they did succeed because they remembered something *you* had said about the weather control satellites when they went off line. What you said gave them the clue they needed to figure out how to save us. Only once they had the plan, they couldn't wait to test their theory for possible dangers. Our life forces rapidly were being extinguished. If they were going to save us, they had to do it and do it without delay. So they never knew the risk they were exposing themselves to until it was too late. When they put their plan into action, it caused a chain reaction that not only regenerated our ship and my people, but it also transformed their world to our state of existence. It all happened so fast. Before we knew what was happening really. The instant we were restored to our natural states and saw what had happened to System 091, we were able to contain the transformation so it did not spread to the rest of your galaxy then the Universe itself." A tear ran down her cheek. "The New Kildareans did not survive. Their life forces weren't compatible with our state of being. Their memories and knowledge, that survived, but they did not. There was nothing we could do but go on home to cure those of our people who had survived during our absence. The cure saved what remained of our people, while destroying our home, forcing us to leave it." She gave a little choking sob. "I had a grandson whom I loved him very much. But by the time we had returned with the cure, we had lost him. Your seanair and seanmhair had spoken of you in such glowing and loving terms. It had made me miss my own grandson so much. As much as I love my people, I will admit, my entire focus was not on getting home with the cure for them, but more for him. Only he was dead before we ever arrived. I didn't get to say goodbye to him, so I knew how your grandparents would have felt had they had time to know they were dying and couldn't say farewell to you. So when my people had to leave our home, we made it our mission to find you. To thank you for your role in their saving us and to say goodbye to you for them." A sad smile crossed her features. "You led us on a merry chase, Tom Paris. Since our nature, our reality is different than yours, we weren't sure which universe's Tom Paris we were looking for. So we had to keep trying to narrow it down until we found the right one. There were so many disappointments for us. So many mistaken identifications. But we finally found the right one and now we can rest." "Rest?" Tim asked. "Yes. Our home is gone and we are tired. We could have followed our departed loved ones when we knew they were gone. Our people know that waiting for us when our time here is done, there is another existence beyond this one. But if we'd gone to it immediately, we would never have been able to return to find you and we couldn't go before we'd said our thank you and their goodbye. So we searched for you and finally, after many mistakes, we found you." "Why didn't you just come to us and say what you wanted to say?" Tom demanded. "Why go to all the trouble of recreating New Kildare, everything?" "We could have, only I was curious about you. The more I saw of you as I was trying to verify I had the right Tom Paris, the more intrigued I became. Everything I saw was so contradictory. First, here, then later, when the Diogenes came." "You were here when the Diogenes was?" "Yes. I was the one who advised Sunfire on freeing you and Tuvok when they had you two prisoner. And I was with you whenever you were in Sickbay on Voyager. I even touched you a couple of times and you felt it. In Voyager's Mess Hall after your friends' funeral and you were all alone for instance." Both Tom and Tim remembered that day, remembered B'Elanna confronting him about his past then running away in horror when her worst fears had been confirmed. Minutes after the Mess Hall doors had closed he had felt something and thought it was her. When he had opened his eyes, he had found it to be only a phantom caress. She was not there. "So-" Tim cleared his throat. "So if you were with us for so long and had the power to create New Kildare, why didn't you save the Rachar? Or was any of this real? Have we just been asleep and imagining all this?" "Right now you are asleep in a way, yes, yet everything has been real. As for the Rachar, we could not interfere. I kept the woman alive long enough for Tom Paris to get there and find M'Nea Madeleine." "But why couldn't you interfere? You certainly have been with Voyager and us." "And with the Rachar, too," Tom argued. "When I found you on New Rachar, it was with a woman who said you were her daughter." "Her child died," she explained. "All I did was take her form and place. The woman was blind and dying. Having her child with her, thinking it was alive and going to live a safe life with you. It gave her comfort." "If you could do all that, why didn't you save the Rachar? Why did you let them die?" "It wasn't why we were here. We were here to say a goodbye to you for the New Kildareans and a thank you from ourselves. That's all. Nothing more. Much like you and your Prime Directive, we have our own laws to prohibit certain things. They forbade us to interfere." "But you already were interfering with the course of events on this plane. The alterations to Voyager. Creating Tim. Building Moonfire. Though it does clear up the mystery of how you were able to make her so quickly. We thought it was some amazing shipbuilding technique we didn't know about and would amaze Utopia Planetia with. Takes them months or even years to build some ships. You did it in a week." Tim's eyes widened. "Moonfire. You created her. Is she going to just disappear when you leave?" "No," the "child" denied. "She and what we have done to Voyager will remain. It is hard to explain. Sufficed to say, when we leave to go to our next existence, there would have been a large amount of... energy left behind. When we destroyed the Gherop attacking you, it took up some of that energy. Almost all of the rest, we gave to Moonfire, to make it possible for her to continue to exist." Tom laid a hand on Tim's shoulder. It was a huge relief to them to know when they left this place, when they woke up, that it would not be to find Tim floating in space. "We considered building her and helping with Tim to be part of our show of gratitude." "So why are we here?" Tom asked, looking around. "Why this place? You could have just told us on New Kildare." "To free you from your attackers, we had to revert to our natural state. It takes a large amount of effort for us be able to see you face to face as you say. Creating System 091 and New Kildare inside of the Y Llat Dust Cloud took a long time and much effort for us to create and maintain. If we were to save you and Moonfire was to continue to exist, we couldn't waste our energies by rejoining you on your plane and in those forms once the Gherop were gone. This place, however, is close enough to our state of being for me to appear here before you with only a modicum of effort. So we brought you back here." "How'd you know we'd ever been here?" "This is where I first found you. I was with you in the forest when you were being attacked." "I never saw you." "I kept myself hidden. I didn't know if you were the right Tom Paris and I couldn't risk contacting you if you weren't. It would have wasted time and I was afraid of what the ones who were attacking you at the time would do to me if they saw me or saw me coming to your aid. So I watched what happened then monitored you after you left here to ensure you were the right man before I made contact." "I still don't get it," Tim interrupted. "Why go to all this trouble? Why not just say what you had to say? It's just so much work." "And we felt it was worthwhile. We recreated New Kildare because you never came back here after that one time and we wanted to interact with you, to say our thanks and the New Kildareans' goodbyes in person. But that doesn't matter now. We won't need our strength for much longer. We've seen you and done our best to thank you. Granted, it was not quite how we had intended to do it. When Voyager was ready to leave, we would have disappeared into a fold in space and that would have explained how System 091 had vanished. We knew by then you would be safe and reunited with them we'd planned " "You said reunited with them?" "Yes. They love you very much as you love them. They know they were wrong to shun you and they want you back with them. Talk to them. Listen to what they have to say at least. I know they will surprise you by what they have to say. Especially B'Elanna. You must talk to her." Tom groaned. "Why does everyone keep saying that? If you know something, just tell us. Stop eluding to it and just say it." "It is not anyone's place to do that but hers. You need to talk your conflict out between yourselves, face to face, not have someone else tell you what they've been told." She unfolded herself from her position and walked over to each of the seated men in turn to hug them. Over her head, Tom and Tim met each other's eyes as she thanked them profusely and went on and on about their sterling qualities. Neither man corrected her about her mistaken admiration of them or about a much larger misconception of hers. They merely let her say what she felt she had to before her people could go to their rest. --- The lizard was basking in the sun on the bark of a fallen tree when Kathryn saw it. "Hello," she smiled at it. "What am I doing here?" *You're here to see them,* her spirit guide informed her and gestured with a flick of its tail to the Captain's right. Her grey eyes sought whomever the lizard was referring to and found Nana and Oran. "Captain, we need to talk." After they had explained, she blinked at them and sat next to the lizard on the tree. "You did all this for Tom? You did all this, created that world, that system, the story about how it got here, everything, just so you could thank him?" "The New Kildareans made what you call the 'supreme sacrifice', Captain," Nana reminded her, "and for people they didn't even know, all because of what Tom Paris said that day. They saved our lives and lost their own in the process." She gave her a hard look. "Do you not think he is worth the effort?" "No, no. It's just...." "He is a good man and a misunderstood one. You and your crew do not appear to appreciate that. You seem to see him only for what he's done. We saw him for what he is. Yes, he did bad things. No, he cannot change them. Yet that was the past, Captain. It is up to you to set an example for the others. It is up to you to show them he is not a danger to your people nor should he continue to be treated as he has been." "But we've been trying to talk to him. You know that." "That is a mere handful of your people. If he were to return to you, he would not have an easy time of it. You need to sway those others who are afraid of him into understanding and believing he is not the monster they think he is." Oran backed up his wife's assertions. "The only reason we helped you with your alterations and everything else is because of him. Because we know what most of your crew has forgotten -- that he is a good man. Never forget that." --- Stunned by all they had heard, B'Elanna and Harry sat speechless across from Maire in the grass. The peregrine falcon and racoon who were B'Elanna and Harry's spirit guides sat to either side of the Chief Engineer and Ops Officer. "Does Tom know," B'Elanna whispered. "Yes, he too is being told," Maire confirmed. "Since we did all of this for him, it wouldn't make sense to leave him without explanation." Harry squeezing B'Elanna's hand for support both for her and himself, he glanced to their companion. "So why are you telling us this? It was Tom you wanted to thank, not us. Why go to the trouble to see us again?" "Because we wanted to ensure you do everything possible to reunite with Tom. He needs you, all of you, but especially you two and a couple of others very much. Don't let him leave you again. If he does, we will not be able to help you." "We'll phaser weld his feet to the floor if we have to." "That might be necessary. He will resist seeing you I think. We have done our best to convince him to at least hear what you have to say. Whether he will or not...." She shrugged. "There are still some on Voyager who won't want him there." "We'll change their minds." "*You* can't change anyone's minds. *They* have to change them or the change will not be accepted or stick." They nodded solemnly. "And don't give up on Thomas. He needs you." She smiled. "And if he tries to deny that or his feelings for you, ask him about the tattoo." Their minds went to the only tattoo they were familiar with. "What about Chakotay's tattoo?" B'Elanna frowned. "Not the Commander's," she corrected. Her audience noticed her tapping her left bicep but failed to realize the significance of that action at the time. --- Other than Tom, B'Elanna, and Janeway, Chakotay was the only one who was not alarmed to find himself there. The wolf was there too, standing at his side as always, but this time they were not alone. Stephane and Declan stood before them. "How did you get here?" Chakotay queried, frowning. "That is what we are here to tell you, Commander," Stephane assured. "That and other things." He explained about the New Kildareans' sacrifice, Tom Paris' role in that, and their own people's plight and mission. As with all the others, Chakotay was disbelieving at first. "The ECH we created is fully functional, Commander. All she needs is a name. And while you're deciding upon a name for her, we suggest you avail yourself of her services. We, Nana O'Connell, and others have attempted to convince you that you have issues with Tom Paris, ones that need to be resolved." Chakotay railed at this. "Spare me the psychobabble. I have no issues with him. I know what he is and what he's done, period. There is no need for me to consult her." "As you wish, Commander, but you are wrong. Hopefully, one day you will recognize that." --- "Where are we, Mommy?" Naomi questioned her mother, moving closer to her. One minute they had been in their quarters, trying to keep their minds off of the battle raging in space around them. The next, they and Neelix were here in this sunlit meadow. Eyes on the lioness only she could see, Sam tried to push her daughter behind her. "I don't know, honey, but get behind Mommy, please." "Why?" "Just do as your mother asks, please," Neelix begged, his own eyes on the large bear he could see. His firm tone made Naomi stop wondering where they were and what the adults were staring at so intently when she saw nothing in either direction and do as asked. As she did a meerkat popped out of a burrow nearby and looked long and hard at her. "It's alright," Kaatje's voice assured them from a point to their right. They glanced at the woman and her husband who were stepping up to their sides. "They won't hurt you," Kieran promised, laying a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Quite the contrary, they are your spirit guides. They guide and advise you. To harm you would be to harm themselves." As if to prove his point the meerkat laid a black "gloved" paw on Naomi's hand and the lioness and bear came to take a better looks at Sam and Neelix respectively. "Come," Kaatje invited. "There is much to discuss and not much time to discuss it in." The three people and their guides followed Kieran and Kaatje off to a clear space not far away. --- Without realizing what they were doing, Megan and Geron automatically stepped closer together when they found themselves in the strange place with a large Irish setter staring at her and a small sparrow staring at him. They gained only a little comfort from the abrupt appearance of the women and men who had shanghaied each of them at the ceildh the night before Tom had returned to New Kildare. What the group said to them, the explanations they made and the urgings to them to settle the differences between them, made them sad on Tom's behalf and regard each other warily. And a bit longingly, they might have admitted later. --- The EMH was confused. According to the internal sensors, he was the only one aboard who was not unconscious. At first, he had thought Vorik was having some sort of strange reaction to the treatment being administered. He had been beamed into Sickbay with bad plasma burns and the Doctor had been in the process of healing him when the Vulcan had lost consciousness. Then he had scanned the patient and discovered familiar readings. A consult of the medical database had identified them as the readings Commander Chakotay exhibited anytime he used his akoonah. This confused him yet it was eclipsed when he had attempted to contact the Bridge and inform them of this puzzle. There had been no answer. He had tried again and again, the memory running through his mind of the Gherop C'Nar tricking B'Elanna into showing him how to the transporters worked and transporting everyone to the surface of Rachar. Only there were no Gherop aboard. Everyone was where they were supposed to be yet all were in the same state as Vorik. He was reluctant to rouse them until he knew what had caused this. It was possible he might do them irreparable damage if he tried. Then the readings changed and Vorik opened his eyes. "Ensign, are you all right?" The Vulcan turned is head towards him, stared at him for a moment before rolling over onto his side to face away from him. "Ensign?" As the hologram moved around the biobed to face his patient once more, Vorik haltingly told him what he had heard. --- The Bridge crew slowly returned to consciousness and picked themselves up off of the deck. Every one of them, except Tuvok, wore the same stunned expression. "Any sign of Sunfire?" Janeway asked no one in particular. "She's right beside us, Captain," the Vulcan answered, shifting the perspective of the main viewer to show them the ship in question. "Using her cloak to conceal us appears to have damaged her. She not only is visible, but her shields are down." "How are our shields?" "Offline." "Let's hope there aren't anymore Gherop around." She stared at Sunfire. "Tom has to be devastated," she whispered to herself. --- Both Paris' remained lying on deck of their respective Bridges, unmoving. They had refrained from saying something to M'Nea Madeleine because they would only have given her people more pain and kept them from their rest, but now, knowing she and her people were off to their "rest," they said them. "They had the wrong Tom Paris," they whispered. Nana and Oran's faulty memories of the day he had left now made sense to them. They were not faulty after all. They were just remembering a different universe's Tom Paris. A Tom Paris whose departure from New Kildare clearly had been a day later than his own. A Tom Paris who had deserved their thanks and goodbyes but would not receive them now because these Tom Parises had decided for them it was better to let these people think they had succeeded in their mission and go to rejoin their people. --- Repairs to Voyager's shields and the few minor systems that had sustained damage took the rest of the day and most of the night. With no success, Harry tried repeatedly to contact Sunfire. Either she was ignoring them or her communications were offline, he was unsure which. When he met B'Elanna for breakfast the next morning he told her as much and her face immediately fell. "He doesn't want to see us." "Sunfire's still here though." "And visible meaning he's probably still repairing her. Once she's fixed, she'll engage her cloak and disappear with Tom." "Then we have to find some way to get him to talk to us." "I'll do you one better." She shoved a padd across the table. For the next few minutes, while Harry read her plans for trying to breach Sunfire's already low shields long enough for her to beam aboard, she ate a little of the mildly interesting breakfast and looked around them. The usual chatter that was the usual accompaniment to breakfast was missing. Sporadically, someone would say something to someone else in hushed tones, though for the most part, everyone was silently focused on their meal. It had been like this since everyone had awoken. Whether it was the shock of having seen or heard about New Kildare destroying itself and the Gherop or from what the "New Kildareans" had said about themselves and their existences, she did not know. She herself had been stunned and was not sure which reason was the greater cause of it. "He's staring at us," she whispered. Harry glanced from the padd to his companion to the Vulcan across the Mess Hall at which she was staring. "B'Elanna, he's just looking around and eating." "No, he's staring at us." He returned to the padd. "You're getting paranoid." "I'm not paranoid," she insisted, rising and making a beeline for Tuvok's table. "Okay, you've been staring at me for ten minutes. What is it?" Tuvok gave her a frank stare. "Did you and Mr. Kim tell us the truth about your relationship?" "What?" "Were you telling the truth about not having a sexual relationship?" "Yes." He stood, picking up his breakfast tray as he did. "I see. Excuse me." "Wait a minute." "Carey to Torres," Joe called over her combadge and she had to go to Engineering instead of chasing Tuvok. --- Tom Paris walked the familiar corridors of Voyager with apprehension. The few personnel he encountered, stopped dead in their tracks and stared. None spoke to him. None stopped him to welcome him back into their midst. All just stared. Until he ran into Tuvok. "Mr. Paris, I was about to contact you. May I express my condolences regarding the New Kildareans? It was most unfortunate they were not who we thought they were." The human blinked. A show of sentiment from a Vulcan? That was rare. "Yes, it was." "And may I infer from your presence here that you have decided to follow everyone's advice and discuss matters with those in your life?" "I'm here to see Naomi and borrow two 42-J coils from the surplus Voyager has in storage." "To repair Sunfire?" "Yes." "May I suggest you not depart so quickly? There are a few misconceptions which certain members of the crew wish to correct and your presence is necessary for that to occur." "I am really tired of everyone talking in riddles! If you think you know something I don't, just say it. Stop making me oblique references to it. I have enough on my mind without having to puzzle out what all of you are blathering about." "It is not-" "Not you place to say. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard that one before." "I will say this: Lieutenant Torres is the one to tell you what we are all 'blathering about.' If you go to see here, then she will tell you. Is desperate to tell you actually." Saying nothing more, he walked away and Tom continued on to his own destination. The war inside Tom raged on. See B'Elanna and have his heart torn out all over again. Don't see her and go crazy not seeing her. It was a hard choice for him, one he tried not to think any more about from the moment he pressed the announcer outside of the Wildman's quarters onwards. --- When Sam answered her door, it was a replay of the last time she had seen Tom Paris, only this time he did not have a bag over his shoulder and she was not worried over his presence. This time she felt relieved by it. Relieved and very guilty. She stepped aside and motioned him in. If he was surprised at her hospitable greeting, he did not show it. "Naomi?" she called towards her daughter's open doorway. "Someone's here to see you." "I don't want to see them," the child responded in a muffled voice. Saying nothing, Tom crossed the sitting room and entered the little girl's bedroom. Naomi was sprawled on her bed, face buried in a pillow and the fuzzy purple blob of fake fur that was the stuffed toy geela he had given her clutched in her arms. Gently, he sat down on the edge of the small bed. "Go away!" she cried. "But I just got here, Cucumber," he objected in a soft and calm voice. She froze then slowly lifted her face to see him. For an instant, it was like she had seen a ghost then she catapulted herself into his arms. "Tommy! I didn't think you were coming back. I didn't think I'd see you again." "Well, I did and you are." From the doorway, Sam watched her child and the man hold each other and talk softly together and she found herself wondering what she could have been thinking when she had thought Tom Paris was a potential danger to her daughter. When Naomi was tucked into bed less than an hour later, Sam drew their guest out of the bedroom and awkwardly told him of her revelation. "I understand your reasoning, Ensign, however it is a pity you did not see how groundless your suspicions were at the time. It would have saved the three of us a lot of pain." "I know and I'm sorry about that, but she is my daughter. I have to protect her." "I know that. As I say, I understand why you did what you did, but I can't give you the absolution you're apparently seeking." "I know. I hurt you badly and I'm sorry." He nodded once and started to walk out. "Wait!" He stopped in the doorway, not looking back. "Have you seen anyone else? Lieutenant Torres, Ensign Kim or Lieutenant Delaney?" Megan's inclusion in the list of people he was being urged to see was new and he shook his head. "You should. They very much want to see you." The doors closed behind him and Sam slumped into the nearest chair. She had done her bit for making amends and smoothing out the course of true love. Now it was up to the rest of them. --- B'Elanna was ready to hit someone. She had arrived in Engineering only to have Joe inform her, the problem he had called her about had been fixed, by accident, he admitted, and she no longer was needed there. Glaring at her second-in-command, she turned on her heel and stomped out, almost colliding with Tuvok a few metres down the corridor. "Just the person I wanted to see," she spit out, menacingly. "What did you mean, asking me about Harry and I like that?" "I have my reasons, Lieutenant," he answered smoothly. "Reasons which hopefully shall become clear soon. In the interim, I would like to know if we have any extra 42-J coils aboard?" "42-Js? Yes, I think so. Three, if I'm not mistaken. I'd have to check with Crewman Banj. He's the one who'd know for sure. Why?" "How large are they?" "They're just small. Small enough to fit in the palm of your hand." He glanced about them, saw no one, then shifted closer. "I suggest you take them to your quarters?" "My quarters?" "Consider it an order, Lieutenant. And remain in your quarters until further notice." "What? Why?" "Do not ask questions, Lieutenant, just do as ordered. And make sure Crewman Banj knows where you're going with them. Don't say I told you to do it, just that that is what you are doing." "But why?" "Tell him or anyone else that asks, you have an idea for improving their performance and wish to study them at your leisure. Understood?" "Okay, but-" "Good. Excuse me. I have to see the Captain. Immediately." An expression Harry and Tom each had used a couple of times in the past came to her -- Alice down the rabbit hole. Going off to do as ordered, she unconsciously watched for white rabbits in vests consulting their pocket watches. --- "What are you doing here?" Ver Faran stepped towards the biobed the EMH was helping LaKeysha onto. "This is my child too. Even if you are determined to chase me out of your life, you cannot chase me from his or hers." "I wish I could. He or she does not deserve a father who would take a private conversation that he was not even a party to and blurt it out all over the ship." "I did not 'blurt it out all over the ship!' I told Geron Tem. That's it." "And Naomi overheard." "I certainly didn't know the kid was there, now did I?" He skirted the hologram who was trying to perform the pre-natal exam on one of the combatants while dodging the wild gestures that she made to punctuate her remarks. "I still don't know where she was in there to listen in, but that's irrelevant. I told Tem and that was it." "But you shouldn't have been listening, let alone told anyone else." "I was in our bed, trying to get back to sleep after the door chime had woken me up. It's hardly my fault our quarters are so small that the sitting area and bedroom practically are on top of one another. If Engineering wasn't constantly having to put the ship back together from Gherop attacks or the like, they'd have our new quarters finished and we could move in there and have some room. But until they do and we do, we're stuck living on top of one another and whatever's said within the confines of those bulkheads is going to be heard by anyone in it." "Well, that won't be you. You're never darkening my door ever again." "If I may make a suggestion?" The lovers glared at him. "What?" "You are pregnant, Crewman Walesan. All this arguing hardly is good for the baby. Therefore I suggest you two call a cease-fire. At least until after the baby is born. Which should be any day now it seems. A good thing since now all we have to do to reach the Alpha Quadrant is find an out of the way place and try it." The pair glared at each other then nodded. As usual, the EMH could not leave well enough alone. "Besides, whatever either of you did or did not do is unimportant now. Everything is out in the open and just needs to be dealt with. I am sure once that happens, both of you will see this little spat as a minor bit of turbulence in your relationship." She attempted to dismount from the biobed. "Minor? He blabs something private like this and it's minor? Argh! Help me down. Thank you. What's to stop him from discussing our intimate secrets?" "According to you, there aren't going to be any more intimate or anything else moments so what do you care?" She shot him another death glare and waddled out. "Perhaps a bit of advice?" the Doctor began only to be ignored as Ver turned on his heel and stomped out via the other set of Sickbay doors. "Or not." --- "You want all three of them?" "Yes, Banj." He shrugged and went to the appropriate container in the storeroom and removed it from its shelf. "Here you go, Lieutenant. Those are the last ones we have." B'Elanna accepted the small box with a nod. "Thanks, Banj." She started for the door, stopped then half-turned to him. "Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm taking them to my quarters because I 'have an idea for improving their performance and wish to study them at my leisure." As the door closed behind her, he shook his head. He had heard she was taking Lieutenant Paris' leaving badly, but she was acting downright strangely now. Who would care where she had taken some 42-J coils? They barely ever needed replacing them. Everything else on the ship, yes, but the 42-Js? Hardly ever. If only they could take whatever it was about them that kept them together when everything around them was falling to bits and apply that "whatever" to everything else and they rarely would have to replace anything. 'Maybe the Lieutenant's had the same idea?' he wondered then went back to his duties. --- "I still think you should think about it, sis," Jenny told her sister as the door to their quarters chimed. "It wouldn't kill you. Tom." The owner of that name stepped through the doors and stopped just inside of them. "Jenny. May I have a word alone with your sister, please?" Jenny shot a glance at her sister's back, Megan not having turned around yet, though her rigid posture told them she knew Tom was there. She then shot Tom a look that promised retribution if anything more happened to her sister and walked out. "Hello, Megan." The red haired woman whirled around, glared at him for a moment then stomped over and slapped him across the face. Not prepared for this sort of a greeting, Tom's head snapped to the side and he had to reach out to catch a hold of a dining chair or fall over. "That's for leaving me without even a goodbye, Tom Paris," she informed him, angrily. "And this is for coming back." Before he could recover fully from her assault, she launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. He stumbled back a bit then braced himself against the wall. "I missed you so much," she whispered tearfully into the shoulder of his sweater. "It wasn't until after you were gone that I understood why you said those horrible things to me. You were just trying to make me leave you alone so everyone wouldn't treat me like they were treating you. It didn't matter you know, how they treated me. It was how they were treating you that did. They were being so unfair." The doors opened and Geron rushed in. He took in the sight of the two people in an embrace and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. His fists clenched at his sides, waiting to be aimed at something or someone. "Let her go, Paris. She's mine," he declared, forgetting all about what the "New Kildareans" had told him and Jenny's previous warnings not to talk about her sister like she was his possession. "You can't have her." Megan pulled away and glared at him. "I'm yours? I'm mine. No one else's, Geron Tem. Don't mistake my having given you my heart for my having given you control of my life. I still decide for myself who I see and don't see and if I want to cry all over my *friend* and hug him or even give him a platonic kiss," she stressed, "or whatever I damn well want I damn well will!" Tom frowned. "Did I miss something. Namely a kiss?" "He saw me kiss you on the forehead when you were unconscious in Sickbay. Before you left. Geron Almighty Tem here saw it and that was why he went off on you and told you about Kim and Torres kissing." Geron glared at her, but spoke to Tom. "She was always going on and on about 'Tom this' and 'Tom that'. It was the last straw." "He's my friend. Of course I'm going to talk about him. I listen to you talk about Ver Faran. There's a piece of work there." "He's a good friend." "He hates Tom! For no good reason." "I'm sure there's a very good reason." "Tom, why does Ver Faran hate you?" Startled to be back in the conversation again, Tom blinked at her. "I don't know." "What do you mean, you don't know?" "It never came up." "We've been on this ship for five years and there never was a moment for you to say, 'Excuse me, but what precisely do you have against me?'" "I may be a masochist, Megan, but I'm not that much of one. I try not to notice and get on with my job. It's probably just the usual. 'Wasn't really one of us when he was in the Maquis. A drunk and always on the make with women. Killed three of his friends and lied about it you know. That's why they kicked him out of Starfleet.'" All her anger at him ebbing, she reached out to comfort him. "Don't talk like that, Tom." "Why not? It's true. Ask Geron. He was in the Maquis. He knows what was said and how I was back then. Tell us that's not what Ver says about me." "It is," the Bajoran admitted quietly. What Tom had said about himself and the manner in which the older man had said it affected Geron greatly he discovered. And it was not in a way that was very conducive to maintaining an active anger towards the man before him. His calming seemed to calm the others in the quarters. "Well, it's not fair," Megan argued, but with less bite to her voice. Geron looked at his shoes. "As unfair as me thinking he was out to take you from me or you were going to leave me for him." "Or that you could talk about me like I'm a possession!" "Or that." He looked up and straight at Tom. "Or letting you think there might be more between Torres and Kim than friendship and some kiss when there really wasn't." Tom froze and stared back at the contrite male opposite him. "What are you talking about?" Megan and Geron exchanged looks. "Oh my gods," Megan whispered. "He doesn't know. Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres." "Lieutenant Torres is in her quarters," the feminine voice supplied. "Good." Megan spun Tom around and shoved him towards the door. "Go see her and go see her now. No, you might want to go to Sickbay first." She tapped her cheek. "I hit you a good one." He touched the redness he could feel but not see then left, still very confused and off-balance. As the doors closed behind the visitor, the lovers awkwardly turned to each other. "We have some things to talk about," she said. He nodded and sat down. --- "Yes, Tuvok?" The Security Chief stepped further into the Ready Room. "Mr. Paris is aboard Voyager." The Captain nearly dropped her lucky coffee cup. "I was on my way from breakfast when I saw him. He said he was on his way to see Miss Wildman and wished to take two 42-J coils from us to repair Sunfire. I thought you might like to be informed." "That was it? He was going to talk to Naomi and get some coils and go." Had Tuvok been anyone else, he would have smiled smugly. "I think he will find that easier said than done, Captain." He nodded and left her alone once more. 'What the Hell's that mean?' she asked herself then tried to find an excuse for keeping Tom aboard. In a moment, she had it and rushed out of her Ready Room and off of the Bridge. --- "Mr. Paris?" the EMH blinked then recovered quickly. "Newly back amongst us and already in need of medical attention? That is a record, even for you." Either ignoring the comment or not really hearing it in his self- absorption, he walked passed the Doctor and to an instrument tray. "That is a nasty mark on your face," the hologram tried again, coming over to tilt Tom's face towards his. "Please sit in the chair and I'll tend to it for you." The hologram's touch snapped the man out of his confusion. "I am quite capable of doing it myself, Doctor." "Yes, I did teach you well, but it is my duty to treat anyone who comes in here in need of medical assistance. That's what Chief Medical Officer aboard Voyager means." "Only medical officer, you mean," he muttered as the EMH wrestled the dermoregenerator from his grasp and he was firmly sat down in the nearby chair. He waved the instrument over the clearly defined handprint. "Not now that you're back. I have a few experiments that I'd like you to-" "I'm not back, Doctor," Tom informed him. Setting the instrument aside now that he was finished with it, he frowned at his patient. "But you're here." "I had a couple of people to talk to. Then I'll be returning to Sunfire." "But Voyager... the crew.... You can't just go again. You could get hurt." Tom stood and gave him a disdainful glance. "I did not say I was leaving Voyager's company. Merely that I was going to be on Sunfire. As for getting hurt, I don't even have to leave Voyager for that. Don't even have to leave Sickbay for that matter." The EMH frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?" "It seems to be a day for unburdening myself so I figure I should make a clean sweep of it and get everyone." "By your tone, I imagine you are including me in the 'everyone.'" "Good guess, Doctor." The way Tom kept calling him "Doctor" not "Doc" as he typically did was jarring his nerves as it had when he had started it back before he had left Voyager. "So what precisely do you wish to 'unburden' yourself to me about?" "Oh, nothing much. Just your lack of faith in me. When the Captain came in here, telling you she was removing me from the Helm and Sickbay, you didn't fight it. You made some comment about being without an assistant again. If you and Janeway had shown you weren't afraid of me, the others eventually would have followed suit and seen there was nothing to fear from me. Only you didn't. You caved right in and kicked me out." "We did not 'kick you out,' Mr. Paris. It was a temporary measure to be rescinded when things calmed down for everyone." "Even a 'temporary measure' was too much. It gave everyone the message that you two did not trust me so they were justified in not trusting me either. There were so many ways you two could have handled this, but you didn't." "We did what we felt was best at the time." "Well, it wasn't best, Doctor. Not for me." "Sometimes we have to do what is best for the greater number." "At the expense of the fewer. I know. I made it through the Academy. It was serving as a Starfleet officer that I couldn't manage." "Mr. Paris-" "No. This was a bad idea. I should have just gone back to Sunfire after I'd seen Naomi and Megan." He started for the door. "I hope you're not thinking of going before you see Lieutenant Torres! You have to see her to let her explain." "I don't have to do anything, Doctor." The doors closed behind him, ending the conversation. --- "The 42-Js, Captain?" She nodded to Crewman Banj. This was the second time he had asked this. "Yes, Crewman. The 42-J coils. They're this big and you're supposed to have three of them." "I did, but Lieutenant Torres came in here not long ago and took them to her quarters. She said something about an idea she had for improving their performance and wanting to study them at her leisure and I was to tell anyone who asked that was what was happening." Janeway's brow furrowed. "Thank you, Crewman," she muttered, wandering out. Shaking his head, he went back to work. --- "Yeah, I saw him talking to Tuvok in the corridor," an ensign told her companions as they walked down the corridor. Another nodded. "I heard Jenny Delaney telling someone that when she left her and her sister's quarters, he was there talking to her sister and she'd seen Geron on his way there and warned him so he didn't go crazy or something." "Knowing Geron Tem and his jealous streak, he won't heed that warning." "That boy has quite the hot-head. When we were in the Maquis together...." Harry did not listen to any more. He abandoned the idea going to the holodeck for some relaxation and hurried off to find B'Elanna. --- When Banj heard the door to the storeroom open a third time, he did not even bother to look up. "I don't have any 42-J coils," he shouted to whomever had entered. "Lieutenant Torres came in here and took them to her quarters. She has some an idea for improving their performance and wants to study them at her leisure." "I see, Crewman. Thank you." The door closed again before he could get to his feet and dart around the end of the stacks of storage containers so he could see the door and the person leaving through it. He had wanted to see that person because he could not believe what his ears had just told him was the voice he had heard. He could have sworn it was the man formerly known as Lieutenant Tom Paris but what would he have been doing there? Deciding he was imagining things, he dismissed the idea. --- Tom may have told the EMH he did not have to do anything, but finding out who had the coils he needed only supported what his heart told him he had to do and went to B'Elanna's quarters. He knew it would only lead to more heartbreak, yet he needed those coils and a heart that refused to let him forget her and his own curiosity made him go anyway. Sleepy-eyed, she obviously had been getting ready for bed when he had appeared at her door. She was wrapped in his blue bathrobe, something he had left behind in his former quarters when he had departed Voyager, seemingly forever. What she had under it, he could not tell, the too- large-for-her garment concealing all but her upper neck and head. Her feet and hands were nowhere to be seen. Upon recognizing him, she woke up immediately. "Tom." "May I come in?" "Yes. Yes, come in." When she motioned him in, she did not touch him and for that he was grateful. The way he felt at the moment, he did not know what he would do. "You want something to drink? Eat. You look like you really need something to eat. You're getting too thin." She headed for the replicator. "I have some replicator rations. How about some pizza the way you like it? It'll only take-" "I'm not hungry." "Oh. Well, then-" "I came..." He chickened out of telling her the truth. "You have the only 42-J coils on the ship and I need two for Sunfire. Can you do whatever experiments you want to do on just one?" She looked at him like she did not have a clue what he was talking about. Then a light dawned and she looked at the container on her dining table. "Umm, I'm not sure," she said slowly, not knowing what Tuvok wanted her to say or why he had wanted this to happen in the first place. The idea that the Vulcan actually was matchmaking escaped her as much as it had Janeway. But Tom finally was in the same room with her and she was not going to forfeit this opportunity. "I'll have to see." Stalling for time, she went to her desk for the Engineering tricorder lying there. "Do you want to take a seat while I check them to see all three are identical? Flaws could throw things off." "Fine." She made a show of opening the container or trying to. The sleeves to his robe were far too long and continually had to be shoved up as she moved. "Here," he offered, removing the lid for her. "You should roll up the sleeves if you are going to wear that." She held out an arm to him. "You know I'm useless at that." After a pause, he rolled up first one sleeve then the other. "I hope you don't mind me taking it," she said softly. "When you left... When you left, I wanted something of yours." His eyes darted to hers, searching for something in them. When he did not find it, he admitted the truth. "I came here to find out what you know and everyone else thinks I should ask you about," he confessed in an equally quiet voice. "And what Geron meant when he just apologized letting me think there's more between you and Harry 'than friendship and some kiss' he said. I want to know why he would make that apology when I know there *is* more going on that just that." "More than...?" He stepped away from her and started to say more as the door chimed once then Harry walked in unannounced, his mouth open to say something himself. He stopped when he saw Tom. "Tom," he said in the same stunned voice B'Elanna had been used at seeing the blond man and shot B'Elanna a glance. The pilot's mood changed instantly. "I knew this was a bad idea." He headed for the door only to have his way blocked by Harry. "You're not leaving these quarters," the younger man stressed with more authority in his voice than any of them had ever heard. "We've been through Hell the past two weeks and there's no way we're going to let you get away now that we have you in the same room with us." "Move out of my way." "No." B'Elanna chose that moment to re-enter the conversation. "Tom wants to know what everyone's been not telling him-" Harry frowned. "I don't understand." "And why Geron apologized for making him think we're more than friends when he says he knows we actually are." "Huh?" Harry blinked at his friend. "What's she talking about?" Tom abandoned the idea of leaving to avoid this confrontation and dove into it head first instead. "Look, you two can just drop the act. I don't know why you have Geron suddenly trying to convince me you two are not involved when I know you are, but from what everyone says there's something you have to tell me, B'Elanna, so I'd rather you just do and I can go back home." "This is your home," she insisted. "Like Hell it is. Now just tell me so I can go." "Tom, we're not having an affair," Tom's former best friend contended. "Yes, we did kiss each other once, months ago and we shouldn't have. But we've never slept together." Tom shook his head. "I never thought I'd see the day that Harry Kim would try such a bald faced lie and to me of all people. Clearly I was a worse influence on you than I thought I was." "I'm not lying! B'Elanna, you talk to him. You usually can get through to him." "Look, I saw you two, all right? After Geron made his accusations and Jenny backed him up, I went to see you, Harry, and I saw you two." The younger man frowned. "Saw me when? Where? From what we've been able to figure out, Geron talked to you right after you left Sickbay. I never saw you that day. In fact, I never saw you from the time we left New Rachar until now. Which is damned infuriating, Tom Paris. You went to Engineering to see B'Elanna, even if she was too sleepy to realize you were there, and you saw Naomi and the Captain, and tried to see Megan, but you never came to see me! You're my best friend and you left without so much as a goodbye to me. You left her a note at least. Me, nothing." "I saw you the day I left." Tom emphasized. "I saw you and her in your quarters. You in your nightclothes and her just getting dressed." B'Elanna groaned and sat down, her head held her hands. "The gel pack." Harry's frown grew. "What gel pack?" "The one that exploded all over Nicoletti and I in the Jefferies tubes when we were fixing the ship that day. Then I found out about Tom being back and ran to Sickbay, but he was asleep and the Doctor told me to go get cleaned up. I met you in one of the corridors and you needed to talk so we went to your quarters, remember? We talked then I asked to use your shower to get rid of the gel and you refreshed my clothes while I was in there. When I came out, you'd got ready for bed to catch up on your sleep and my uniform was lying on the bed." She closed her eyes. "Just as I was finishing dressing, you answered the door, but you were too sleepy to know who was there." "It was you?" he whispered to Tom. "Oh come on, you two," Tom complained. "I saw the looks on your faces." "I don't know whatever you think you saw, Tom, it was exhaustion. There had been very little sleep for any of us. We'd been through Hell at the hands of the Gherop and once we were free of them, we thought you were dead and when we thought you weren't, we were worried sick about you. The only time I'd had any sleep is when I'd been in Sickbay, unconscious, because of this shared pain thing and you kept getting hurt." "What are you talking about?" Briefly, she outlined the Doctor's theory and investigations into the phenomena. He frowned at her for a long time then shook his head. "None of that matters. What does is I saw you two." "You saw us what?" Harry demanded. "Having sex? No. You saw two very tired people in two different states of dress. Granted there are two ways to interpret that situation, but the correct one is what we have told you. She came to my quarters so we could talk. When we'd finished, she realized she still was covered in the gel and it had dried and was flaking off over both of us. She went to shower, I refreshed both of our uniforms to get rid of the gel and dressed for bed, where I intended on heading the moment she had left. I vaguely remember answering the door, but as for who was there... It could have been a Hirogen for all I noticed. I was ready to drop from exhaustion. I don't remember you being there. I wish I had been more awake, I really do. There were so many things I'd planned to tell you when you woke up in Sickbay, but from what the Doctor had told B'Elanna, he didn't expect that to be any time soon, so I went to bed instead. There was no sex, nothing. We don't feel that way about one another." Tom felt himself losing ground fast and struggled to hang on to his anger. "Then why'd you kiss her?" "Because we were both idiots, that's why. It was back when you were hiding out on the holodeck and not talking to anyone and she was frustrated by it and was mad at you because of the parole test. The fact you weren't going to rendezvous with her and the others later as you'd claimed. She was wishing she had fallen for someone uncomplicated and predictable like me." He turned on her. "Which really bugs me, you know. I know I'm not as exciting as Tom is, but I don't think I'm dull." "You kissed him not because you were attracted to him, but that you were mad at me and hoping you'd feel something for him and be rid of me. That makes me feel so much better." "Tom-" they both tried only to be cut off. "It makes me feel good to know that loving me is that much of a burden to you that you'd try anything to be rid of it and me." "No, Tom, you don't understand!" she maintained. "I was just so upset and-" "And what happens the next time you get upset? Do you have sex with him? Someone else?" "No, Tom-" "Tom, that's not fair," Harry argued. "I'm so sorry if it offends your delicate sensibilities, Harry, but I think in light of what you two have just admitted to it's a valid question." "I love you, Tom Paris," she said simply. "No one else." "But did you love me when you were necking with him as Geron termed it." "Yes, but we explained why it happened. I was stupid and we should never have listened to Janeway and Chakotay when they-" "They knew about this? Was there anyone on board that didn't know about this?" "The Delaneys knew and Geron and Nozawa, but they were all either there or came in later. And Janeway and Chakotay knew because they found out. But until Naomi overheard Geron and Ver talking and blurted it out in the Mess Hall, only the eight of us knew. Well, and you, but we didn't know that and it wasn't the right version anyway. We should have told you right when it happened, but you were with Tuvok in your head and the Captain and Chakotay told us to keep it to ourselves or it would hurt you. Only it did anyway." "Tom, we've explained what happened," Harry tried again. "I wasn't a smart move, just a human one. You've made mistakes yourself. You can understand how easily it can happen." "Not like this, Harry," he denied. "And my mistakes tend to be on a larger scale." "Look we screwed up, but that doesn't change how either one of us feel about you or each other. She loves you. You love her. I love both of you as my best friends. It's that simple." "This hardly is simple." "Yes, it is if you'd just calm down and admit it." "So I'm supposed to just forget what happened, that it happened, and we all go back to the way it was before I found out?" "Maybe not forget it, but dismiss it as unimportant and go back, yes." "Back to how both of you were treating me before I left? You hating me and her not wanting to be in the same room with me?" "No, of course not." "Oh, you two have had some great revelation, hmm? Suddenly I'm not the monster I once was?" "We needed some time to get some perspective and for the shock to wear off. Now, we understand or at least can sort of accept most of it." "And what can't you accept, Harry?" The answer came easily to him. "Souris. I still can't accept your approving of her suicide." The mention of her name brought back the emotions of the time to Tom. "She couldn't live with that, Harry," he whispered. "No one could. And when more of her memories came back to her in time... She would have thrown herself out of the nearest airlock or turned her phaser on herself. There were things she did that it was best she never knew about. Things that almost made killing her own mate and children pale in comparison. Ending it then and there was the most merciful thing for her." Whether it was enough time having elapsed for him to be able to look upon things more clearly or Tom's words, it was unclear, but, from that moment forward, Harry stopped his arguing over the subject and never again spoke of it or Souris again. "I think you two need to talk alone for a while," he said and started for the door. "Why'd you go to Rachar to find me?" Tom questioned before the ensign could go. "After the cave-in?" Without turning back, Harry told him about the P'Chi, their tricking him into thinking he was dying, and how that glimpse of his own mortality had made him rethink things. He had realized he wanted Tom back in his life and how the things Tom had done were not his fault so he should not be penalized for them. "I wanted to tell you all that only Rachar was destroyed and we had all those survivors to take to New Rachar. By the time I had got over the shock of all that, you were gone. I never had the chance to tell you until now." "I see." "I do love you, you know. You're my big brother and I don't want to lose you again." Not waiting for a response, he walked out. B'Elanna, still in her chair, looked at his boots, less than a metre from her own. "I don't want to lose you either." She swallowed hard and dared raise her eyes. "Am I going to?" Tom did not speak for a long moment as he processed everything that had been said since he had entered. Then he met her eyes and he stopped breathing. Their chocolate depths held a pleading look he had never seen before. Tears nearly eclipsed it, but it still was very much there. "I already lost my father. I don't think I could take it if I lost you too." He merely continued staring into her eyes. Then, just as she was about to concede it was over, that he did not want her any more after how she had disappointed and betrayed him, one shaking, long fingered hand lifted and touched her cheek. She was about to melt into the touch when the hand withdrew. "If you try and leave again, I'll just have to try and run after you in my neglige again. And Joe's not here to tell me to put some clothes on." He frowned. "When you brought me the padd with your note, I was exhausted. Finally Joe had a couple of people take me to my quarters. At least I think that's how I got there. I'm not sure, but I was there and in bed when he found me to give me your message. He had to read it to me, I was so tired, only I woke up when I registered what he was saying. I would have run after you dressed -- or undressed really -- as I was if he hadn't stopped me. Then I found out you already were gone and the Gherop and you know what happened from there." She wiped away a tear that was trying to fall. "Why did you write me a note and not Harry? Any why bring it to me in Engineering? Why not just send it to my personal database? Were you hoping I'd stop you and tell you it was all a big misunderstanding? I would have if I'd have been more awake and read the padd when you gave it to me instead of setting it down somewhere while I helped clean up after the fire and Walesan later found it, gave it to Joe, who brought it to me." "I don't know why I did it. Maybe I was hoping you'd tell me it all was a lie. Maybe I was hoping you'd come running after me and tell me not to go. Maybe I was just in a melodramatic mood or wanted someone to know why I was going and how it was their fault. I don't know. And I don't know why I didn't give one to Harry. You both hurt me, but I think you hurt me more. You are my mate. No, we haven't taken the oath or married, but you are still my other half and to hear of you kissing or anything else with anyone else, especially Harry... It hurt like Hell. And to hear you did it because you were hoping it would kill anything you felt for me... I don't know if I can get past that." "I see." He slowly stepped towards the doors. "You're not going away again, are you?" "No. I'm staying with Voyager for now. You'll be opening the Gopher Hole soon. Might as well all of us go home together. Only one hole needs to be opened." "You're not coming back to Voyager though, are you?" "I don't think that's a good idea." "Can I see you again?" He thought about it. "I'll be around. That's all I can promise right now." "Okay." "Let me know when I can have two coils, just make it soon. Sunfire needs them and doesn't have the power to spare to replicate them." "Sure. Tom?" Again he stopped. "Maire said... Maire said I was to ask you about a tattoo." She blinked as his hand automatically came up to his left bicep and she remembered Maire tapping her own as she had commented on her strange request. "Ask me again another time." The moment he was gone, she permitted the tears to fall. --- Chakotay stood uncertainly before the panel next to Holodeck Two. Sure the New Kildareans -- for lack of the proper name for them, they still thought of them as that -- had said the ECH was finished and in the holodeck programmes, but he did not know whether to believe them or not. Not that he could think of a reason why they would lie to him about this, but he still remembered the last time he had been present for this programme's activation and the failure that was. "Computer, run ECH programme." After an unconscious deep breath, he stepped through the doors. They had designed the interior of the ECH's "office" to look like his own office, but with slightly more room in the informal seating area so those seeking counselling would feel more relaxed than sitting in the chairs before her desk. Behind said desk was precisely where she was sitting at that very moment. As he looked at the hologram, he marvelled at the fact all of the questions the New Kildareans had pestered him with had resulted in this woman. "They actually were able to pull it off," he smiled to himself. "Commander," she greeted in the warm voice he had spent hours tweaking. "Come in. Come in." "You work." She smiled indulgently. "Clearly. Actually, I 'worked' the other day, but we wanted to wait before we told you that. Now that you know the truth about New Kildare... Well, now it's up to me to sort things out." "Why did you have to wait? And how do you know we know about New Kildare? And sort what things out?" "Answering your questions in order. We wanted to wait before letting you know I was fully functional because it gave Stephane, Declan, and Nana an excuse to meet with you. I know about New Kildare because you are here and alone instead of them with you to show you they perfected me. And as for sorting things out, I mean you and your situation with one Thomas Eugene Paris." She cocked her head to one side and watched him appraisingly. "You want to talk about it, Commander?" "Talk about what?" "Your hostility towards Tom Paris. That was part of the reason they volunteered to help you create me. They saw your and everyone else's anger towards Tom Paris to be a major wrong that had to be righted." "I have no desire to become your first patient, Counsellor." The door behind Chakotay opened and the Commander saw Tom Paris step through. Before he could say anything about having meant his last comment, the ECH jumped in. "Pretend this is Tom Paris," she suggested, drawing Chakotay's attention back to her. "What would you say to him right now if he were here and willing to listen to what you have to say?" "I don't want to-" "Come on, Commander. Every time his name is mentioned, you seem to have a lot of things to say. There he is, standing before you. Why aren't you saying them? Or are they just words? Are you all talk and no action, Commander? You made at yourself for something and taking it out on him? What did you do? Is it because it was your akoonah that Woke him? Made him remember what he is?" "Fine," he shouted, responding to the challenge in her voice. "If you're going to keep harping on the point. Let's start with-" "Don't tell me." She gestured to the figure behind. "Tell him." "Fine, I'll talk to your hologram." He turned to face him and let loose with a barrage of every grievance he had against him. "Your past. You knew for months what you were. How the people that made you probably were going to come for you eventually. Or when we made it home, they'd intercept Voyager and interrogate and possibly kill all of us to find out if you'd told anyone about them or what you were. But you didn't tell us. You told Tuvok. Eventually. And that was only because he found out by accident." Chakotay jerked a hand towards Tom's head. "He was in there so you couldn't hide it from him. But you somehow convinced him, not telling the rest of us, not giving us any type of warning so we could prepare was the way to go. What if they had used a different tactic? What if, instead of trying to get us to confide in them by pretending to be Special Ops, they had just come in here and killed us all outright? Eliminated the entire problem, just took you and blew us to space dust. They could have easily. "But then you're nothing but a cold and unfeeling bastard, aren't you? You didn't care what happened to us anymore than you did all those Rachar and Gherop you so easily condemned to death on Rachar. You displaced the Gherop from their ships. Beamed up some Rachar then took off, leaving everyone else there to die when the planet exploded. All coolly done apparently. Not surprising really considering you're the type of man who wouldn't come back to defend Voyager when a Gherop ship came back into the area. If we had had our engine problems before we lost them, not after, we'd be slaves or dead right now all because you and Sunfire didn't come back. You were still in range to detect them. You had to have been, but there was no sign of you when we needed you. "Of course, I'm the only one who's figured that one out. Everyone else either has been obsessing about getting you back here or their own imagined guilt in all this to think this through, but I have. And actually, I'm glad I'm the only one who's figured this out, because I don't know what it would do to B'Elanna or Kathryn to realize you're not the good, misunderstood, and under-appreciated man they think you are. Do you know how much it hurt them when you left? Do you? B'Elanna was a wreck. This close to taking over Voyager and going off after you. Megan Delaney was little better. Naomi wouldn't talk to anyone and had to overhear your so-called real reason for leaving and lived with that secret for I don't know how long before she told anyone. That poor kid was torn up inside thanks to all that. And Kathryn. There were times that I literally thought she was going insane. Hell, I came up with this ECH idea just to try to stop that. She felt so guilty and so responsible for you leaving the ship. And for unknowingly leaving you behind in that tunnel cave-in. She spent days in her Ready Room, not eating or sleeping or even moving off of that couch. Do you know how scared I was for her? How I couldn't figure out how I was going to look after her *and* captain Voyager if it came down to that." He shook his head to force back the tears that were forming in his voice. "You know, as selfish as it sounds, I think the worst thing in all this, is you tricked me. Admittedly, I let you. I put aside my distrust of you and fell for your wannabe heroic façade. The golden boy who had done wrong but was trying to do right. You tricked me to the point I actually told myself I liked and respected you. That you were the good guy Kathryn kept insisting was in there. And then I find out my gut instinct was right all along. That The Protectors engineered your induction into the Maquis. That the only reason you were there was to contact your AlphaOmegan on the inside who had gone missing. You used me. You used me to get inside the Maquis. I knew at the time you weren't there because you believed in the cause, but I never dreamt the real reason. Or that there was anyone like your Protectors controlling my and everyone else's lives and that you were helping them. I never thought I'd find anyone worse than the Cardassians until I found out the truth about you." At that point, he ran out of steam and venom. He stood there, eyes closing as he tried to control his breathing. There was no other sound in the room. The ECH, having precipitated this outpouring, seemed at a loss. Whether the Tom Paris before him was capable of speech, Chakotay did not know. Until he opened his eyes and saw the look on the face of what he had thought was a hologram. It was then that Chakotay realized he had been yelling at the real Tom, not a projection of his image. "I always did what I thought was best for this ship, Commander," Tom stated in a quiet voice. "If that meant keeping some things from the crew, then I did it. But I always did it with their safety in mind. I did everything in my power to keep them from being endangered. Just as I did for the Rachar. If my cool head in the evacuation or the decision to leave behind those I could not save were interpreted any other way than they were meant to be, that is someone else's problem. It was nothing other than keeping my head in a crisis and having to choose to save some or none of those in danger and leaving behind those who had created or abetted that danger. As for not coming back to your rescue, Sunfire picked up no Gherop ships as we were leaving, but she travels at speeds so much faster than Voyager and the Gherop that it is possible it came after we were out of range." He paused for a second. "Leaving Voyager and how it hurt everyone else. That was the next complaint? I am sorry for what happened to Naomi and I have told her so, but if anyone else felt guilty, then they only have themselves to thank. Everything they felt guilty for was valid. They *did* do things that made me leave. Granted maybe not quite as I may have thought, but still, it happened. Why should I be the only one to be consumed with guilt all the time? Why should I be the one who always has to pay for things? I'm not the one who made me what I am. I'm not the one who made me do all those horrible things." The life came back into his voice. "But I'm the one who keeps apologizing and doing penance for everything. I took all of the blame when all of you got together and devised that parole test. I went to each of you and *apologized* for having been withdrawn and failing you in the test, but all of you gave me faint hearted apologies, if any apology at all. I wasn't the only one in the wrong there. All of you lied to me about the parole test. You made me think we finally were home. I went through Hell lying to B'Elanna, telling her we'd be together soon when I really was planning to kill myself as soon as all of you were gone and the Doc was waking the others up. All so all of you would be safe from The Protectors. But none of you really did much apologizing. This time, Commander, I'm not going to meekly take all the blame. I have enough things to feel guilt over. There's no way I'm taking more than my fair share." Tom turned to leave then turned back. "And as for the Captain going crazy, you may want to go to her in about twenty minutes. I'm on my way to see her. Whether or not she's going to have a relapse, I can't say, but you might still be on hand just in case. And try telling her you love her. That might be something she might like to hear right at this moment." The instant the younger man had left, Chakotay turned on the ECH who was staring at him, not so much amused, but at least with a definite interest on her face. "Why didn't you tell me that really was him? Why'd you let me think that was a hologram of him?" "What would you have done differently, Commander? Not told him how you felt? Walked out? Greeted him like an old friend and pretended there was nothing wrong? You needed to say what you just said and say it to him. You could have said it to me, but who cares what saying it to me is worth. It is with Tom Paris that you have issues and it is with Tom Paris that you had to talk. And keep talking until you two can work through this anger of yours and maybe, just maybe, rediscover that friendship you accused him of tricking you into." "That won't happen. And I wouldn't have run or lied about how I feel. I just wouldn't have yelled at him. Not at this time anyway. The man's just found his honorary grandparents were alive then that they weren't and had a daughter but didn't have one after all.... I just would have picked a different time to confront him." "Sounds to me like you are showing an awful lot of compassion and sensitivity towards a man you claim to loathe and despise. I think you should be going, Commander. I think there's a certain Captain who may just be needing you right now." Chakotay suddenly was standing in the middle of an empty holodeck, the ECH having turned herself off. --- Ver was not happy. First there had been yet another argument with LaKeysha. Now there was the news that Paris had been seen back amongst them. Just what he did not need. And it was going to change if he had anything to say about it. --- Tom stepped off of the turbolift at the Bridge and caught the arm of Tuvok at Tactical. "If it's just coincidence, Tuvok, then fine. It's coincidence. If I find out you actually warned her I wanted those coils and told her to take them so I'd be sure to see her, then you and I are going have some words. Of the four letter variety. Starting with 'nosy' and getting more profane from there." Tuvok did not even try to deny his hand in arranging B'Elanna and Tom's meeting. "Whatever my role, Mr. Paris, the fact remains you were in her quarters for over twenty minutes. And you do not look as tense as you did when I first saw you." "Do Vulcans have a concept of Hell?" "Why?" He headed down the stairs. "I'd like to tell you to go there." The conversation had attracted the attention of everyone, including Baytart who had swivelled his seat at the Conn fully around. "Tom," he smiled, standing and gesturing to the chair. "Just been keeping it warm for you." "She made you Conn Officer," Tom stated, stopping half way between Baytart and the Ready Room door. "And promoted you. Good." "But now that you're back, I'll be more than happy to step aside and you can go back to-" "I am not resuming my duties, Pablo. That's your chair now. You've earned it." With the exception of Tuvok, who already had known Tom was not returning to the ship, Baytart and the others on the Bridge were stunned. Tom ignored them and continued on to the Ready Room door. "Come," was the command from inside. He stepped through to find the Captain seated at her desk. "I heard you were aboard," Janeway smiled when Tom entered her Ready Room. "How are you?" "I came here to see you merely as a courtesy, Captain. Sunfire is in need of two 42-J coils and Lieutenant Torres has them for some experiment or something she is running. Once she has finished with them, she has promised two of the three to me. Is there a problem with that?" "No, that's fine." "Good. Once she is repaired, we will continue to remain with Voyager until we return to the Alpha Quadrant so if there are technical questions that arise, we will be on hand to answer them." Her smile faltered. "You're not coming back to us?" "No." "But Tom-" "There is no need for my continued presence aboard." "No need...?" She rounded her desk to stand before him. "Tom, there's every need. The reasons you left... The part about B'Elanna and Harry-" "I have discussed the issue with them." "Good." She could not meet his eyes any longer. "And the part about not breaking the Prime Directive-" "You followed the rules, Captain. I will not say I am pleased about that, especially in light of the number of times you have broken or bent it yourself, but it is a non-issue now, isn't it?" Grey eyes met blue. "Tom, about the Rachar, I'm so sorry about what happened to them. It wasn't fair." "They died free, Captain. That is what matters. They were free." He paused. "But Voyager's crew would have died too if they'd been there." Her eyes dropping to his sweater covered chest, she nodded, accepting the slight concession he was making. "After you left, I was... I was a wreck. Chakotay thought I was having a nervous breakdown." Hesitantly, she touched his chest. "I guess I was. Some people think you and Seven are my surrogate children or that the entire crew is. They're right you know. And one of my 'children' left, just when I was learning to accept what happened to him and what he'd done." Tom stepped back and gave her an injured look as her hand dropped and she looked up. "That's just the point, Captain. If you, all of you, loved me the way you say you do, you shouldn't have had to *learn* to accept my past. If you cared about me, you would have listened to what I'd said and accepted me despite things that weren't my fault. But you didn't. None of you. Yes, it was a great shock. Yes, I had done terrible things. But all of you knew it wasn't all my fault. Only that didn't matter. You were too wrapped up in your own horror at what you'd learned that you never gave me a chance." "I know and we are sorry for that, but we're just human, Tom. It takes us a while to accept and deal with things that come as shocks or surprises. The idea that people like The Protectors exist and what they've been doing to everyone and have done to you, it was hard for us. We all grew up thinking our lives were our own, that we decided our own destinies. Only now we know how wrong we were and it scares us. We know we aren't AlphaOmegans, but what about our families and friends back home? We were worried about how things were going to be when we arrived home,for the Maquis, for the rest of us, all of us trying to readjust to being home again. Now we're worried about what The Protectors have in store for us when we get there. We know too much. The odds are they won't just leave us alone. They'll try to stop us from telling what we know." "You leave that up to me. I'll take care of them." "How?" "That's my worry. Getting Voyager home is yours." He turned to go and she caught his arm. Slowly, he looked back at her. She stepped closer and put her arms around his thin frame. "I'm glad you're back, Tom," she whispered. Tom stood there for a moment then laid his hands on her back. She held him tighter. "And I'm sorry about the aliens. I'm sorry they weren't really who we thought they were." Nodding, he drew away and twice tapped the combadge he wore. Tim was waiting there for him aboard Sunfire when he appeared. Throughout the couple of hours Tom had been on Voyager, the Starfleet combadge he wore had been an open line over which Tim had been able to listen in to what was being said. They had not been able to discover the reason for Sunfire and Moonfire's inability to monitor Tom's implanted communicator, therefore the combadge. Through it, he had been able to vicariously at least be a part of Tom's meetings with the crew and he knew what Tom needed when he rejoined him was not words. He put his arms around his "father" and held him. "Why does everyone in my life lie to me?" he sobbed. "I don't know, Tom." "My life keeps moving in circles, you know. High. Low. High. Low. Fate keeps jerking me around. What did I do to deserve this?" "Nothing. It's just the Hell Fate decided we were to endure." "We should go find Fate and toss her out the airlock." "Okay," he smiled and held him tighter as the emotional rollercoaster they had been on for the passed two weeks on slowed to a halt. --- Sunfire and Moonfire were not pleased with what they had heard. It appeared Tom might actually reunite with that Klingon bitch if she and the others had their way and that was not a prospect either of them wanted to consider. Moonfire had Tim, but Tom was Sunfire's. She did not want to lose him, certainly not to the likes of B'Elanna Torres. The two ships talked this development over between themselves, not letting their male counterparts overhear. They did not know others were listening in. --- "See?" Q said to her son in a tone that suggested what they had heard the ship's saying had proven her argument for her. "None of them are worth your interest." If he had inherited his father's curiosity, q showed his parents he also had inherited his mother's glare in equal measure. "Enough of this," his mother chastised severely. "You will come back to the Continuum with us now." "Yes," his father concurred. "If you wanted to study someone like Janeway or Picard, then perhaps we might have approved, but this one hardly is suitable unless you are studying the violent and self- destructive natures of their species or how they can fall into insanity. Which appears to be a short trip for this one, given his plans." His mother was too angry to react to his father's inclusion of Janeway's name as a good person to study. Q silently breathed a sigh of relief at his mate's having missed his slip of the tongue. "And that's hardly the subject for one so young as yourself to be observing yet," she continued. "Once you are older and have a better grounding in other areas, then you can address this subject again." Their son responded to this logical argument by defiantly moving closer to Tom and his clone where they still stood together. "Q!" his parents warned in unison. He furiously shook his head and wrapped his arms around Tom's right leg. --- Pulling away from Tim, Tom frowned down at his right leg. "What is it?" Tim asked, following his eyes. "It felt like something was touching my leg only there's nothing there." "Just a muscle spasm." "Exactly." --- End Part Six