The BLTS Archive - Selfishness
by ILuvKate

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The doors slid closed on the slender red and black form and B'Elanna
favored them with a bitter glare that could've melted deuterium. Her
jaw clenched in fury and her hand blindly reached out to close her
fingers around a metal mug sitting on the table beside her. In one
fluid motion, and with all her considerable strength she hurled the
mug at the closed doors. It hit the metal surface with a jarring thud
and bounced back across the room toward her. It hit the floor once and
rolled to a stop against the toe of her boot.

She reached down to pick it up and fresh rage anew, irrational and
unreasonable, flared within her as she saw the crumpled dented side of
the mug. But surprisingly, she set it down back in its spot on the
table and slumped back against the couch cushions. She could think of
few people who could make her madder than Captain Kathryn Janeway.
What made it so bad was that the smashing surf of her rage could only
hurl itself impotently against the solid rock of Janeway's command
presence and position.

But this....this latest was the absolute limit. This time, the woman
was meddling in things she had no right to be. Kathryn Janeway might
own her military soul, but by Kahless, she didn't the hell own the
rest of her. If she didn't want a Cardassian butcher operating on her
to save her life, that should be her own goddamn choice to make.

Fresh fury coursed through her and she surged to her feet, stalking
across the room to stand staring out the viewport at the stars
streaking past against the black velvet of space. Her hand absently
rubbed her ridged forehead as she stared unseeingly at the spacescape.
She'd had a headache ever since she left Sickbay, but she was damned
if she was going back there.

The thought of the Cardassian doctor sent a shudder of revulsion
through her. What had the Doctor been thinking when he called that
monster up? Programmed with the medical knowledge of forty-seven
Starfleet doctors, as well as many other Federation medical
practitioners, and he had to conjure up a Cardassian monster.

She felt drained, suddenly, and turned back to the couch, dropping
down on it heavily, laying her head against the back. Her anger
dissipated and in its place, seeping insidiously into her
consciousness was a surprising hurt. She had thought she and Kathryn
Janeway had formed a friendship over the last four years,
metamorphosing from a prickly hostility to a closeness born from a
mutual love of the mysteries of science and engineering.

But there had been no warmth, no closeness in the cold closed
countenance Kathryn Janeway had worn when she'd stood here a few
minutes ago and told B'Elanna to--what boiled down to a callous "get
over it" in response to B'Elanna's fury at having been treated by the
Cardassian physician.

Yes, that had hurt. B'Elanna reflected on the revelation a few seconds
and then the anger reasserted itself once again. What the hell did she
care, anyway, what Kathryn Janeway thought? Janeway obviously didn't
care about her feelings. Why did it matter?

It mattered, B'Elanna thought tiredly. It mattered. Maybe Janeway was
justified in being so impatient with her Chief Engineer's feelings.
Maybe it'd been silly to get so mad at a hologram for Kahless' sake.
Voyager would be hard-pressed to continue her sixty-plus year journey
home and stay in one piece without a Chief Engineer of her ability,
B'Elanna thought, without conceit. Maybe that's what Janeway was
thinking about. What she always thought about: the well-being of her
ship. It came second only to the well-being of her crew. Everyone knew
that. Too many times, the captain had proven it by word and deed.

Perhaps her anger at the Doctor, Janeway and the Cardassian had been
self-indulgent. Didn't everybody like to play the martyr sometimes?
B'Elanna ducked her head, feeling her cheeks warm with an embarrassed
blush. She'd almost been willing to cut off her nose to spite her
face, so to speak. Perhaps she owed Kathryn Janeway an apology. And a
word of thanks for keeping her from making a fatal mistake.

Before the devil in her could talk her out of it, B'Elanna jumped to
her feet and hurried from her quarters. Querying the computer, she
discovered that the captain was in her Ready Room. Outside the Ready
Room doors, she pressed the chime.

"Come in." She stepped through the doors as they slid open and as she
walked across the room to stand in front of Janeway, she saw the
captain's gaze flicker over her for a brief moment. It was then that
she realized she'd come to see Voyager's Commanding Officer clad only
in her uniform trousers, boots, and tank top. Her face flooded scarlet
at the realization.

"Uh, Captain," she stammered. "Forgive me. I--uh...." She gestured at
herself and Janeway smiled.

"No matter, B'Elanna," she said kindly. "Was there something you
wanted?"

You.

The thought inserted itself into B'Elanna's mind and it was only her
stunned surprise that kept her from blurting the word aloud. Where the
hell had that come from? Hastily, she brought her attention back to
Kathryn Janeway whose smile was beginning to look a little strained.

"Ah...Captain," B'Elanna said, "I...um, I just wanted to
apologize...."

"Apologize?" Janeway echoed. She blinked at B'Elanna.

"For being so angry a few minutes ago. For....being so selfish...in
Sickbay." B'Elanna bit her lip. Janeway pursed her own, glancing down
at the PADD she held in one hand as though considering her response.
She leaned forward and placed the PADD on her coffee table and then
sat back. She looked up at B'Elanna. She was silent so long, that
B'Elanna shifted from one foot to the other, and started to speak, but
Janeway forestalled her. She sat forward, elbows on knees and fingers
steepled.

"B'Elanna," she began, "I want you to know....that my motives in
ordering the surgery to proceed were entirely selfish." She flicked
her gaze up to B'Elanna's and then back to her hands.

"Captain, I know the well-being of the ship was foremost in your mind.
Now that I've had a chance to reflect, I see how selfish my own
motives were." She stopped as Janeway held up her hand.

"You don't understand, B'Elanna," the captain said quietly. "My
motives were entirely selfish." She emphasized the last word with a
curious intensity and punctuated it by tapping her own chest with her
hand. B'Elanna stood stock-still, knowing with one part of her mind
what the captain meant by "selfish," but refusing with another part of
her mind to acknowledge it.

She realized suddenly, with a shock, that Kathryn Janeway was standing
in front of her, just scant inches from her. Their eyes locked.
Kathryn put out a hand and caressed B'Elanna's cheek with the tips of
her fingers and B'Elanna felt an answering shiver to the very core of
her soul at the touch. She swallowed.

"K-Kath--Kathryn." She faltered at the unfamiliar sound of Kathryn's
name on her lips and Kathryn smiled. "That's right. Kathryn." Kathryn
cupped B'Elanna's face in her palms and B'Elanna could hardly keep
herself from crying out at the warmth that spilled through her in
response. "Oh, Kathryn," she whispered, this time the beloved name
dropping from her lips as though she'd been murmuring it all her life.

Their lips met and B'Elanna reveled in the taste of Kathryn Janeway,
the smell of her hair, the rustle of the crisp fabric of her uniform
as it brushed against her bare arms, the feel of the silken heat of
her hands still cradling her face. B'Elanna opened her mouth to
receive Kathryn's gently probing tongue, offering herself and feeling
Kathryn accept.

They kissed until they were both breathless and then Kathryn stepped
back, her hands on B'Elanna's waist. B'Elanna's hands rested on
Kathryn's shoulders and they gazed into each other's eyes. "Oh, how
I've wanted to do that, and for so long," Kathryn breathed and
B'Elanna's face was radiant with joy.

"What have we been waiting for?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Kathryn said helplessly. "So much time has passed."
B'Elanna smiled, moving to close the scant gap between them.

"And there's so much time yet to pass." She brushed Kathryn's lips
with her own. "Neither of us is going anywhere." Kathryn captured her
mouth again, kissing her hungrily. B'Elanna unzipped her uniform
jacket, sliding her hands inside to circle Kathryn's slim body with
her arms. Kathryn groaned and pressed herself against B'Elanna. Her
hands pulled the tank top from B'Elanna's trousers and up over her
head in one fluid motion.

She held B'Elanna away an inch or two and bent to kiss the swell of
B'Elanna's breasts, dipping her tongue in between them and sending a
shudder of delight through B'Elanna's trembling body. She kissed all
the bare skin she could reach from B'Elanna's elbow up her arm, across
her shoulder, up one side of her throat and down the other, to repeat
the process on the other arm and shoulder.

"Kathryn, Kathryn,Kathryn,Kathryn,Kathryn," B'Elanna kept murmuring
Kathryn's name over and over, her voice breathless with what Kathryn's
mouth was doing to her. "Oh, God, Kathryn....." When Kathryn pulled
her bra down just enough to cover another area with hot, wet kisses,
she thought she would explode.

Finally both naked, they collapsed onto the couch in a tangle of arms
and legs, giggling like two schoolgirls. Kathryn sucked on B'Elanna's
hyper-sensitive nipples until she cried out, while at the same time
her hand slid down across B'Elanna's belly to tease swollen cuntlips
in their nest of damp hair. B'Elanna writhed, her own hands kneading
Kathryn's breasts while her mouth devoured Kathryn's.

Kathryn slithered down until she was poised between B'Elanna's spread
thighs, and spread the swollen netherlips apart, revealing the
engorged clit, bright red and slick with B'Elanna's juices. She
flicked it with her tongue and B'Elanna cried out.

"Oh, yes, Kathryn, please!" she urged her lover and with a grin,
Kathryn obliged her, lowering her head to lick, suck, nibble and probe
until with a long, drawn-out cry, B'Elanna climaxed, her body
shuddering in the throes of a massive orgasm.

As soon as she could pull herself upright, B'Elanna put Kathryn on her
back and returned the favor in spades. She couldn't get enough of the
delight that was Kathryn Janeway and she lost count of the number of
times Kathryn's body convulsed with orgasm, until she found herself
being pushed back with legs and feet. She stared blearily at Kathryn,
who sprawled bonelessly back against the couch.

"God, woman," Kathryn said hoarsely. "Have mercy." B'Elanna gave a
crooked grin that was as tired as Kathryn looked.

"Sorry," she said, hitching herself up until she, too, lay back
against the arm of the couch. "I guess I got carried away."

"Please," Kathryn responded, "feel free to get carried away any time,
but let's kind of work up to it, all right?" B'Elanna threw her a
snappy salute.

"Aye, Captain," she said, grinning. "With pleasure."

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Copyright 1999 ILuvKate

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The End