The BLTS Archive- At Least I Get to Say Goodbye
by Delta Story (deltastory@geocities.com)

---

The orb of the yellow dwarf sun was almost directly overhead; it was
late springtime on this third planet in its family of seven worlds.
The solar body's rays scattered like fractals, bouncing and banking
off obstructions along its path, but finally gathering together to
illuminate the images on the surface below.  As they reached the
surface, the beams softly wrapped around the form of the small woman
kneeling on the ground, embracing her with their warmth and energy.

She smiled as an undreamed dream drifted across the still waters of
her soul.  Her face glowed in the sun, smooth and alive with a new
found peace. Wisps of rich brown hair escaped from the mass of tresses
she had tied at the nape of her neck, tickling her ears and nose and
lips.  She brushed it back with hands darkened with the rich dirt she
was working, leaving smudges on her chin and cheeks.  She had been
humming, but had quickly stopped, when, listening to herself, she
admitted to herself that she could not sing ... no, not even hum.  But
then, some days are meant for singing, days when words alone cannot
express happiness.  She sat back on her heels, admiring the fledgling
strength in the young plants she was tending.  She replaced her
humming with a soft laugh, wondering why it had taken her so long to
realize what he had known for so long.

So immersed in her gardening, she had not heard him come up behind
her.  Only when his hands encompassed her shoulders and began kneading
the work-worn muscles did she recognize his presence.  She leaned back
into his grasp, surrendering to his healing caress.

"So ... how is your garden doing?" he finally asked, lowering himself
to a seated position, encircling her body with his.

Her laughter rang as pure and golden as the sunlight flooding them.
"Well, we will probably have tomatoes in another two months," she
answered.  "You know, I never thought that I could find such complete
happiness in such a job."

It was his turn to laugh.  "It's a dirty job, but someone has to do
it."  He picked up one of her hands and gently brushed the soil off.
He raised her hand to his lips, and kissed each finger, finally
twining his hand with hers.

"Come inside.  There's something I want to show you."

"What now?" she laughed.  "Chakotay, you just have to stop surprising
me with your gifts.  You're spoiling me, you know!"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he grinned.  He swooped her up
into his arms, and she hooked her dirty hands around his neck, pulling
him down to her and welcoming his lips on hers.

"And you have to stop spoiling *me*!" he finally gasped,  reveling in
her touch and taste.  She wriggled free from his arms, and ran on
ahead.

"Last one in has to cook for three days!" she taunted.

"Then I'll just take my time," he laughed while strolling along
leisurely, knowing that her cooking was pretty much limited to making
coffee and peeling fruit.

She reached the modular building that had been their shelter for
almost two months.  Chakotay had been modifying its structure,
expanding the walls and redesigning the interior configuration.  After
the plasma storm which had nearly destroyed everything, his
renovations had begun to take on the semblance of a real house.

She stood in the great room, waiting for him to come in, memories of
that night tumbling all over each other.  That had been the turning
point.  Even if she hadn't lost most of her research equipment, just
the experience of having survived the howling devastation, huddled
under the table with him, had bared the innermost emotions in both of
them.  In the following days, as they cleared away the debris of the
storm ... and of their relationship ... she knew that they would be
rebuilding themselves also.

She first recognized it in his touch as he pulled back her hair to rub
her ravished muscles after all their physical exertion.  Slight and
hesitant, his feelings flew from his fingertips into her heart.  He
stopped ... as did her heart.  Why hadn't she realized this before?
It had been there all along, in both of them.  She could recall his
looks, his laughs of the past two years, all calling out for her,
wrapped in his love.  And she knew now that she had buried her similar
feelings under the facade of command and uniform.  But now ... now ...
they were just Kathryn and Chakotay, two ordinary people trying to
survive.

That night, she couldn't sleep, and knew that the problem had to be
addressed.  As she lay in her bed, she could hear his discomfort in
anxious movements.  She finally got up and went out to him, stating
that they had to decide on how they were going to continue.  Overtly,
they agreed to remain as the loyal friends they had become on Voyager;
he even spun a lovely tale of being an angry warrior who lived only to
serve his beautiful, wise warrior queen.  But she saw through his
attempt.  She reached out her hand to him, and his fingers meshed with
hers.  The narrow table between them suddenly disappeared, as they
both leaned into each other, their lips hungrily consuming one
another.  And that night, the angry warrior and his queen became
lovers.

A tingling sense told her that he was standing in the door, watching
her. She turned, her own glowing smile matching his.

"Well?  What is this surprise you have for me?"

"Come," he said, taking her hand and leading her through the door in
the solid wall that he had constructed, replacing the opaque cubicle
walls they originally had.  There, in the compact area that had been
her bedroom, he had pushed their two beds together, held securely in
place by the double bed sized headboard that he had made.

"So ... what do you think?" he asked smugly.

Her look was one of mock severity, her right eyebrow higher than
Tuvok's had ever been.

"Don't you think you should have asked me what I wanted?" she
provoked.

He swung her up into his arms, and laid her on the surface of the bed
before positioning himself on his stomach next to her.

"You're kidding, aren't you?" he teased.  "Kathryn, we haven't slept
apart ever since ... well, ever since *that*  night!"

"Of course I'm teasing," she responded, reaching up to pull him within
lip range.  "I can't even begin to imagine ever being without you."
Her kiss was a long, thirsty one, as her hands ran down his back.
"Chakotay, I'm beginning to think that this virus was the best thing
that ever happened to us."

"You don't miss Voyager?" he asked gently.

"Well ... yes; in a way.  But on Voyager, we could never have each
other
like this; we both know that."

"Mmmm.  So... I have bug bites to thank for bringing you to your
senses," he chortled.

She became pensive.  "I'm sure that Tuvok is doing all right.  And the
crews are working well together now."

He soothed her concerns.  "Yes, they're all good people.  They'll make
it back fine.  And I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't talk
Starfleet into coming back for us, after they return."

She laughed.  "And will they find an old rickety couple who can't even
remember why they ended up here?"

"Perhaps," he grinned.

"With children and grandchildren?" she continued.

He sat up, his face gleaming with surprise at her words.

"What?  What did you say?"

"Well, we *would* want to make sure that Starfleet found something
that told them they made it back to the right planet," she responded.

He wrapped her in his arms, his words getting lost in her hair.  "Do
you mean that, Kathryn?  I mean ... us ... with children?"

"Well, I certainly haven't seen any indication of other humans on this
planet.  And somehow or another, as fond as I am of *him*, I don't
think that the monkey is quite my type."

"So that leaves me."

"That's right. What do you think?"

"Kathryn, you always have a plan.  That's one of the things I've
always loved about you.  Your mind is constantly plotting the next
move, whether it's unknown space ahead of us, or which rock would make
the best retaining wall."

She pulled him over to her.  "*You* are my retaining wall, Chakotay.
You bring stability into my life, and have always quelled some of my
more idiotic ... um ... plans.  Never again could I function without
you."

He smiled back at her.  "Nor could I ever be complete without you.
You are the life in my spirit; the flame in my fire."

A silence froze the air until his words cut into it. "Have we just
repeated some sort of commitment vows?"

She lovingly kissed him.  "I guess we have."  She paused and tenderly
took his hand.  "And as a former Starfleet captain, I pronounce us ...
human companion mates on this planet.  Mr. Chakotay, you may kiss the
bride."

"I'm going to more than that," he grinned, reaching for the opening of
her dress.  "How about inaugurating our ... marital bed?"

She smiled back at him.  "With the greatest of physical pleasure."

---

Each day brought with it new discoveries and small pleasures.  Flowers
resembling bluebells lined the banks of the nearby river with a swath
of periwinkle.  Chakotay had begun to cut down some nearby trees and
was notching them, following Kathryn's instructions on how to
construct a solid exterior to their home.  She was venturing further
and further in her explorations of the areas around them, each day
noting new species of plants and animals.  The ever-present monkey
became her guide and constant companion on her investigation jaunts.
Ever since his warning of the plasma storm, she welcomed his company.

The Talaxian tomatoes and maize were gaining stature.  All of the
plants were now about 15 cm. tall, and thus far seemed free of major
insect infestations.  Still, Kathryn daily tended them, freeing the
surrounding soil of any unwelcomed sprouts or pests.  She didn't mind
the dirt and grime, for it only gave her an excuse to use her
wonderful bathtub...her first "love gift", as she now thought of it,
remembering that evening when she had been in it and Max (the name she
now had for her small primate friend) had first shown himself.  It was
that night when she first noticed a far-off look in Chakotay's eyes
that foreshadowed the love that that was now so resplendent and
welcome.

Chakotay silently came up behind her; but she could sense his
presence.

"Hello there," she said, patting the disrupted soil around one of the
plants.

"Mmmm," he murmured.  "Looks like your garden is succeeding. Kes'
skills seemed to have rubbed off on you."

"Well, I *was* exposed to some skills when I was growing up, you
know."  She stood up, brushing off her hands, a wistful look in her
eyes.  "My mother would be very proud of me.  I usually begged off
such endeavors when I was growing up; quantum physics was much more
interesting!"

He groaned.  "Oh, yes; how well I agree with that!"  He took her hand
and as was his practice, brushed the dirt off and kissed her fingers.
"It's surprise time."

"Oh, my; what this time?" she laughed.

"Something I think you'll like," he smiled.

They put their arms around each other's waist and walked to the house,
which was now a quarter of the way covered with dark logs.

He led her to the table, where there was a large padd with a three
dimensional image, turning in degrees so that she could see all the
sides.

"A boat!" she cried out gleefully.  "You're planning to build a boat!"

"Well, with the weather turning warmer, I thought that this might give
us an opportunity to explore a little more ... maybe even leave this
area for two or three days."

"Oh, yes," she cried out, clapping her hands and twirling in a circle,
finally stopping and hugging him.  "Oh, Chakotay; I do love boats!"

"Why do you think I designed it?" he laughed.  "Once a captain, always
a captain!"

"And you can be my first mate!" she sang.

"Of course," he nodded in agreement.

"Oh, Chakotay ... how long do you think it will take you to build it?"

"It's already started.  I had hoped to get the log exterior of the
house done first, but I think I can divide my time and have both
finished in about a month.  Now ... granted this isn't going to be the
admiral's yacht..."

"I wouldn't want it to be," she grinned.  "This is to be ours ... and
ours alone.  Oh, Chakotay... I *do* love you!" she exclaimed.

"Glad that you're happy," he smiled.  "How about a little down
payment?"

She reached up and pulled him down for a kiss that would have bought a
planet.

"Hmmm," he whispered. "I think I'd better get to work."

"Right now?" she asked, leading him towards their sleeping room.

"Well, maybe I should wait until it cools off a bit," he laughed,
following her tempting lead.

A muffled cracking sound interrupted their banter.  She looked around.

"What was that?" she asked.

Again, the static noise called.  Now, she could hear the source of the
static-riddled noise.  It was a voice.

"Captain Kathryn Janeway ... please respond."

Her eyes looked up at him, wide with surprise and fear.

"It's Tuvok!" she cried out, running to the shelf where their comm
badges lay buried.  She picked up the metallic devices like they were
hot coals, and quickly placed them on the table.

"Captain Janeway... Commander Chakotay..."

She hit hers in response.  "Yes, Tuvok. Janeway here."

"Captain, we have an antiserum for your infection.  We are coming for
you."

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other, their eyes playing through
a myriad of emotions at hearing the familiar voice ... words both
welcomed and devastating.

"Yes, Tuvok; we understand."

"Captain ... it is good to hear your voice.  We will be there in
approximately 30 hours. You and the commander are well, I trust?"

"Yes ... yes; we are fine.  And we... " she stammered.  "We ... look
forward to rejoining you and the rest of the crew."

"As do we anticipate your return, Captain.  You and Mr. Chakotay have
been ... sorely missed."

The communication was broken.  The couple continued looking at each
other, more questions than answers in their minds.  A lifetime ahead;
a rescue and a trip resumed.

"We have a lot to do," Chakotay said quietly.

"Yes, we do," she agreed, knowing that her tone should sound more
jubilant.

---

He brought out the last metal container, setting it on the ground next
to her.  She was standing as still as a willow tree on a windless day.
Her hair was coiled tightly against her head in command mode, her body
clad in severe Starfleet red and black.  Only her face betrayed her,
with quivering lips and eyes blinking back tears.

"Are we doing the right thing?" she asked in a barely recognizable
voice.

"We are doing what we have to do," he answered, cradling her tremulous
face with his broad hands.

"Will the crew understand?" she continued.

"Yes," he said.  "And so will you ... in time."

"Will I?" she murmured.

His eyes wavered for an instant.  "Our spirits will always be
together; you must remember that."

She took his hands in hers.  "Nothing will be the same.  I don't know
if I can go on."

"You will.  This is the only way it can be.  Any other way would
betray our promises to ourselves.  If you stayed here, you would
always regret not fulfilling your vow to get our crews home.  If I go
with you, I would have to remain your first officer, denying that our
lives ever meant anything else.  Anything more than that would one day
destroy both of us.  No ... it is right for us to be doing it this
way."

"Voyager *will* make it back to the Alpha Quadrant; I know that," she
said, her voice attempting to remain firm and resolute.  "And then ...
and then..." she continued stammering, "And then... I promise to find
a way to come back for you.  I do promise you this."

"I know," he nodded with gentleness.

Janeway's comm badge buzzed.  Tuvok's voice cleared itself before
saying, "Captain..."

She nodded to him, as if he could see her voice. "One more moment,
Tuvok."

"Understood," came the empathetic reply.

"At least I get to say goodbye," she whispered, reaching for him one
last time.

Their lips comforted each other with memories of what had been and
promises of hope for that to come.

"I will always love you, Kathryn Janeway."

She touched his chiseled cheek, imprinting its image in her soul.
"And I you, my angry warrior." She tapped her comm badge.

"Mr. Tuvok, one to beam up."

Her image shimmered into its submolecular transport, leaving a space
as immense as the universe itself next to Chakotay.

---

The End