The BLTS Archive- The Morning After the Night Before by Delta Story (deltastory@geocities.com) --- Herefore and forever after, world without end, all of the ST world is owned by TPTB, and I'm a mere scullery maid spinning tales for my own amusement... --- Was it always like this... had this ever happened before to her? It had been such a long time, like so many memories of a life long past, leaving only ephemeral images -- dreams that disappeared upon awakening, or wisps of transient sensations occurring at the least expected time. She really couldn't remember what it had been like before... with Mark, that night before she left Earth almost six (or was it sixty?) years ago. She smiled her greetings to the bridge crew as she walked the short distance from the opening doors of the turbolift to her command post. Seven hours ago -that's all it had been. For all the time they had had to prepare for the inevitability of that moment, neither had thought ahead enough to anticipate the consequences of their actions. Now -how would each of them react, as they faced each other on this, the morning after the night before? It had been 0300 when Chakotay went back to his quarters. A work session that had casually led to a simple question. That question opened the floodgates that had been damming back the surging emotions, emotions that had been stockpiling ever since that fateful day of their first encounter. A simple question that had led to a casual kiss; and a kiss that had led them eventually to an outpouring of raw, absolute desire, so long denied and sublimated within them. Six years of disavowal of the emotions that drew them together and pushed them apart, now being revealed in six delirious hours last night. Now that they had finally found each other, they were reluctant to deny themselves any longer; but both decided that for decorum's sake, they should at least make a pretense of normality. But what *was* normal now? There she stood, ready to take her seat beside him... the same places they had occupied for all their time together. There he was -only a few feet away from her; but, for all that it mattered, he could have been a thousand light years away. She wanted to touch him... hold him... breath in the musky odor of his body... taste the salt of his skin... become one with him yet again. She couldn't look at him; was he looking at her? She burned as if his eyes were carving her with a laser torch. He might as well -last night, he had carved ever ounce of resistance out of her. When she had gotten up from the few hours of twilight sleep that she experienced after he left, she had fixed herself coffee -- just coffee -to start her day. She looked at the cup, half drunk; many minutes had passed since she had pulled it from the replicator. Did she really need it? Her body was as alive as if she had consumed an entire pot. She had spent extra time in the shower that morning, opting for real water to soothe her body and calm her spirits. But even its therapeutic effects could not quench the rising tides within her. The warm liquid merely aroused latent memories in her body, as she felt long-denied muscles stretching and contracting in sensual rhythm... aching and throbbing with need and desire once more. She washed and scrubbed, with the residues of their liaison swirling down the drain. But even as she dressed, the tang of their mingled love still hung in a heavy aura around her, wafting with every move she made. Her eyes were stinging from the lack of sleep; but they were wide and brilliant from the adrenaline rush of her aroused passion. It was almost time for their shift together -THEIR shift together! How many times had that occurred before -with little anticipation of seeing him... just being with him. She looked at herself in the mirror before leaving her quarters -picture perfect as always... except for an adolescent haziness in her eyes, and an idiotic grin that had probably been on her face for hours. Professional, Kathryn; you must remain professional! You are the captain and must set the example. It's only Chakotay... the ship's first officer... your loyal advisor and confidant... your lover. Now they were on the bridge together. She chanced a glance at him; her earlier suspicions were confirmed. His eyes tracked her every movement as surely as a tight tractor beam. Their eyes merged for one infinitesimal moment; just as quickly, they broke contact to disparage any curious suppositions. *We were too quick in looking away,* she thought. *Surely Tom or Tuvok will guess...* Her guilty introspection was abruptly interrupted by Tuvok... always Tuvok! Had he been reading her mind... pulling her back to the reality of the bridge? What had he seen... understood? Had he probed into her reverie? What... "Captain, I am picking up signals on long range scanner of an unknown anomaly." She turned to respond to the tall Vulcan. "Um... very good, Commander. Uh... can you ...ah... detect anything more?" Tuvok looked up at her, all business in his expression. "Negative. Only that it appears to be a small vessel. I cannot, at this point, determine if any lifeforms are present, nor its direction." "Stay on it, Tuvok," she responded. Without looking at Chakotay for confirmation for her actions, she walked over to the op's conn. "Mr. Kim, what sort of adjustments would we have to make to our course to look into this... anomaly?" Harry was quickly making calculations. "It might take us about 2 million kilometers off our designated course..." She gave him a cognitive nod. That's what she *would* do... under normal circumstances... wouldn't she? Of course she would! Careful now, Kathryn; next you would talk with Tom... "Tom, use Harry's calculations and make the necessary course adjustments," she ordered briskly. "Yes, ma'am," came Tom's standard reply, turning back to the helm. "One anomaly coming up!" *Good,* she thought. *It's normal. I sounded... normal. But I'm far from normal. Now... I must go over to my place... and I must address him. Yes... that's what I should do... easy now, Kathryn; casual... smile...* He spoke first. "Good morning, Captain." His eyes were trying to keep the heated emotion in check. "Good morning, Commander," she answered back icily. *No... that wasn't right,* she thought. *Why would I be answering him like that? How do I redeem the tone now?* She quickly glanced around her; it appeared that no one had noticed the tone. *Don't be so sensitive,* she thought, shaking her head. He was grinning at her, knowing what she was thinking. She could feel her control disappearing... that look... the look she had seen so many times... now caused a fire in her. I've got to sit down before my legs give way. In one inelegant move, she plopped into her conn chair. Her face was becoming flushed as anger rose within her. Anger with herself. Anger with her reaction to him. Anger with his reaction to her. *See, this is just the reason I knew we shouldn't... become involved. See what is happening to us when we are on duty? We can't separate the two factions of our lives so easily. It interferes with duty... and concentration... and focus. And God knows... I'm having a difficult time with focus! This is only supposed to happen when you are young; I'm well beyond that now! Focus, Kathryn; focus! This was a problem I had with Justin, so many long years ago... but I can't remember it with Mark. I was always so... in control with Mark. Maybe it did happen with Mark... I just don't remember. Oh, yes... now I know why Starfleet discourages this sort of relationship. And... maybe... maybe... that's why the emotion is so strong -- we're delighting in the forbidden; we're breaking the rules...* The everyday buzz and banter of the bridge sang around her. He had gone over to the helm to check the course adjustments with Tom. Her eyes scanned the other people on the bridge. Only Harry's eyes met hers and he smiled back at her. *He knows,* she thought, her heart racing and her palms getting wet and clammy. *They all know; they must...* She got up, starting to walk over to join him and Tom but acknowledging to herself that she would be better off alone. *Reports to do... in my ready room. Yes, that's what I'll do,* she thought, relishing the numbing business of daily work. She looked up and announced, to no one in particular but the bridge as a whole, "I'll be on my ready room." Chakotay turned from the helm and caught up with her. "Kathryn..." he whispered. All of the moments of the night before spun across her consciousness -- his lips, his hands, his body... each separately, then entwined into a fluidic oneness...no beginning, no ending. All of the moments and touches and actions became a cataclysmic collage, whirling in a looping replay in her mind. *Just looking at him... hearing him speak her name... throws my body into paroxysms of indefinable spasms. I can't have this... I can't... I can't...* She sidestepped off her path, trying to break his hypnotic grasp. She turned and walked closer to Paris, who looked up at her. An unbidden expression crossed his face as he looked at her, predatory and knowing, like an alpha wolf sniffing the air, sensing the involuntary release of rich pheromones. Silent and potent; inviting and seductive; consuming and lethal. "Captain?" Tom Paris queried. His face softened as comprehension played across his face. He shot a brief sideward glance at Chakotay, whose eyes had never left her --- following, caressing her... wrapping invisible tendrils around her. Paris's smile broadened, as he winked at her and repeated the previous single addressing word, now as an understanding statement, "Captain." Her faced became flushed, and then darkened as she realized that he knew. Horror shadowed her face, but Paris merely nodded in acknowledgment of a relationship finally righted. *I've got to get to my ready room,* she thought, as she fumbled with her steps that took her there. Chakotay's eyes still followed her, as he moved back to the command area, watching as the doors closed behind her. She breathed deeply of the cool air in her sanctuary... her inner sanctum. Relief! No more eyes... no more temptations. She walked over to the replicator and called up coffee, but quickly changed it to tea before it materialized. No, she didn't need any more stimulation, thank you. Her body needed to be calmed. She wrapped her hands around the steaming mug and walked over to her desk, willing herself into a more calm, disciplined state. Warm... the mug was warm. Her hands were warm, just like they had been last night. Warmed all the more as she ran her hands down his body, gaining warmth from the bronzed firmness of his torso... his legs... his buttocks. Warm wetness as he anointed her with his lips and his tongue... as they joined in a long delayed and denied union... No, Kathryn... work! You need to work! You need to get beyond this crazy obsession! Concentrate! Yes... concentrate. You know that today you feel better, more rested, than you have felt in months. And with so little sleep... no, there wasn't much sleep, she thought with a knowing smile. You just must get over this initial phase... this addictive, hormone-driven initial stage... settle down into a more sedate, established routine. So that's it. Accept it and allow it to continue. And move on. Of course... as soon as it gets to be all part of the normal, everyday part of their routine lives, it would be better. Get over the adrenaline surge. As the novelty of it wears off, it won't be as bad; won't be as obvious. We'll get to that "comfortable as an old shoe" stage, when a conversation can be more banter than passion... when we can use the fire to sustain the warmth rather than feed the flames. That's it... I've just got to get myself past this emotional high; it's as bad as when I was depressed! Is it going to hurt when it leaves? Chakotay... are you feeling this, too? Or, is it anticlimactic after your long wait? Does your head feel light, as if it were in another galaxy? Are you replaying the magic of those moments last night... the feeling of blessed relief of release after all these years... or am I just another of the in and out entities that have paraded through the path of your affections here in the Delta Quadrant? Last night... this morning... whenever it was that you left... you said that this was the beginning of the rest of our lives... did you mean it? Each time you called my name last night, it was like hearing you say it the first time... softly, supplicating... as if you were summoning a sainted spirit. That's what you are to me... my saving grace... my sanity... my healer. A stern voice reached out to her: *Kathryn, get a grip. We've got an anomaly to identify... a possible leak in the warp core... a new shuttlecraft to inspect... program modifications in the EMH... you have enough work to fill the next twenty hours. Concentrate... concentrate...* But, she had become addicted and like any addict, she needed her "fix". She needed to feel his hands on her pleading skin... taste his mouth consuming hers... feel his need that could only be satisfied by her own. Just once more... then I can handle the day. One hand was already unfastening her jacket, as the other one activated her commbadge. In a wavering voice that she hoped would not betray her urgency, she managed to summon him. "Commander Chakotay, I would like to see you in my ready room." The word 'now' was not necessary; it hung heavily, unspoken, over every word in her request. The first officer answered, "On my way." He arose from the conn, hoping not to betray any suspicion in the others. "Mr. Tuvok, the bridge is yours." He walked towards the doors of her private area. His head felt light... spinning... as his body reacted to the sound of her voice... that beautiful voice!.. as his body was focusing its need elsewhere... It had begun. --- The End