The BLTS Archive - Valentine's Wish
by CPWatcher (gsan2@att.net)

---

Disclaimer: Paramountowns everything STAR TREK. I'm just using them 
for my own enjoyment.

Archiving:  Sure, just tell me where.

Feedback:Please. All comments are appreciated.

Beta: The talented Mysticmcknight, to whom I am gratefully indebted.

Author's Note: Back in April I posted the first few chapters of this
story. As a work in progress, I found that I had left some gaps that
needed to be filled in. This is a revision of the first few chapters,
along with the final sections of the story. I apologize for the delay,
and hope you enjoy it.

I started writing this to fulfill the ChakotayFest Valentine 
Challenge. It's a little late, but hopefully still enjoyable. It's a 
songfic, kinda. Tom sings. Others listen. Kiss the Pain Away is 
written by Ron Kersey & Alex Brown and sung by Patti LaBelle. This 
song screamed to me C/P angst, so I just HAD to wrap a story around 
it.

I also give many thanks to Nadai, Brynn, Pris, and Kim (aka 
Mysticmcknight), for helping me past a metal roadblock. I want to give 
a great big THANK YOU to Kim, aka Mysticmcknight, for betaing this 
story for me. You are wonderful. Without your help I would never have 
finished this. You rock! Without your help I would never have finished 
this.

---

Tom stood off to the right of the stage, hidden by the curtains,
looking out over the audience. He was next to perform. He was nervous,
not because of the performance, but because of what it would mean to
him, and hopefully, to another. He looked at all the couples sitting
at the small round tables. It was Valentine's Day night and the
Holodeck had been turned into a cozy restaurant/nightclub. The tables
were draped in red, and held small red and white floating tea light
candles, invoking an intimate setting.

Tom continued to scan the room and was not surprised by the couples
who were in attendance. Sitting at one of the three center tables was
B'Elanna and Ken. To their right, at another table were Harry and
Seven. Tom sighed silently. Harry and B'Elanna. His two best
friends.Probably the best thing that ever happened to him when he got
stuck in the DQ was having them as friends. He'd almost ruined it too,
by getting too close to them. By getting involved with them beyond the
boundaries of friendship.

B'Elanna had been the first, for she thought she was in love with him.
He let her continue to think it because he so desperately needed to be
loved. They hadn't lasted, couldn't have, because he 'did' love her,
but only as a friend, and that wasn't enough. She deserved more, they
both did.

He and Harry just kind of happened. After his split with B'Elanna, he
was lonely. Tom knew Harry had always been interested, but he kept
putting his friend off. One night Tom was needy and Harry was
offering. So in a moment of weakness he took his best friend to bed.

Harry fell in love quickly or at least admitted it quickly. Tom knew
his friend had had a crush on him for a very long time and knew he did
wrong by his friend. He didn't want to take advantage of Harry,
anymore than he already was but he needed to be held in strong arms,
strong male arms. But in the end, it too wasn't enough for either of
them. It came to a head that night when Harry told Tom he loved him,
and asked if Tom felt the same way. Tom couldn't lie to him. "Harry
you're my best friend, of course I love you," Tom had replied. Harry
had read between the lines and called him on it. The breakup had been
hard, but eventually they realized the mistake they had made by
crossing from friends to lovers, just like him and B'Elanna. And just
like he and B'Elanna, his relationship with Harry eventually went back
to normal.

Tom gazed at his two best friends with love and tenderness. He was
glad that he had not lost their friendship. He needed that from them
more than anything, especially now. He looked at first one then the
other and noticed how their brown eyes sparkled in the glow from the
candles. They were both now very happily in love, and he was ecstatic
for them, for they needed what he could never give them, what he had
already given to someone else long ago; his heart.

Tom closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Brown eyes. That's what they
all had in common. He knew it wasn't the only reason he had turned to
Harry and B'Elanna, but it *was* one of the reasons. Sometimes, when
he would make love to them, he would imagine there was a different set
of brown eyes looking back at him, it helped make it better somehow.

He suddenly heard the quiet voice even above the many conversations
going on in the crowded room. He could always recognize that baritone,
even when its only words were a whisper, *especially* when they were
whispers. He felt his breathing hitch as he thought about those times
when that warm strong voice whispered words of love and devotion into
his ears, as they lay entwined in each others arms. He remembered how
that voice begged him for more, or teased him wickedly, as they
consummated their love. He felt his heart lurch as he recalled that
same voice call him a traitor and a whore. Even now, years later, he
still hurt from those words; but in the end it was nothing compared to
the emptiness he felt inside.

"Damn it, Chakotay." Tom's whispered plea was heard by no one but
himself.

He opened his eyes and saw that Chakotay and Janeway had taken the
table just behind, Harry's and B'Elanna's. Magnificent brown eyes,
three sets, but only one had the ability to see into his soul.

The music finished and people began to applaud. He straightened
himself, wiped a hand across his face, feeling the wetness. He hadn't
realized he had been crying, //shit.// He wiped his face with his
sleeve, fixing himself one last time, as the piano began playing the
introduction, he walked onto the stage, it was time.


Tom sat on the stool in the center of the stage and removed the mike
from the stand. "This is for all you lovers. If you really love each
other, do whatever it takes to make it work, because lost love is such
a shame."

Three sets of brown eyes looked up into blue, upon hearing his words
and the pain hidden within. Soulful slow music begins to play, and
then Tom begins to sing.


Mmmmmmmm Take it away Mmmmmmmm

All the wrong things to be said...we said them. We let anger guide the
way. I say you're at fault You say I'm selfish. Now the accusations
must be paid with the Strain of losing you Pain of feeling blue You're
hurt And I'm lost Tell me what are we gonna do

Please come back and kiss away the pain We can be happy once again
Please come back and kiss away the pain We can make sunshine from the
rain


As Tom is singing he looks across the audience to Chakotay. The First
Officer sits impassively, looking back at the pilot, his face for all
Tom can tell because of the lights, is showing no emotion to his song,
his plea.

---

B'Elanna hears Tom's words and looks quickly at Ken. She begins to
wonder, was Tom singing about her, about them, about what they had
together? She couldn't believe that he would do that. Not after so
long, now that she was with Ken. Sure, she still loved Tom, but he was
the one who said he didn't love her enough. Perhaps he was just a
little lonely.  //Perhaps I've been spending too much time with Ken,
he's feeling neglected�somehow?// she reasoned. //He couldn't possibly
want us to get back together could he?// She looks into Tom's eyes.
She sees that he has tears in them. //I'll talk with him tomorrow,
spend some time with him, let him know, we're still friends.//

---

Tom continues singing.


Without you my life has no music Rhyme and rhythm cease to be (to be)
Those friends tell me that you're acting heartsick Is it all because
you're missing me the Pain is clouding your eyes Pain too deep to
disguise You're blue, Baby I am too Tell me, tell me,tell me What are
we gonna do.

Please. (Please come back and kiss away the pain) We can be happy once
again (Please.) Come back and kiss it away. (Please come back and kiss
away the pain) I'm talking about pain Baby. We can make sunshine from
the rain

---

Harry looks into the tear-filled eyes of his best friend and former
lover. Tom was hurting. //Oh, Tom.// Harry had seen him moping around
lately, had asked him about it even. Tom had told him that it was
nothing. Told him he was just a little restless. But Harry could see
it now, very clearly. Tom was heartbroken. //This started right around
when Seven and I started dating,// Harry mused. Harry was both pleased
and disappointed that Tom was missing him so much. //Oh, Tom, why now?
Don't you understand, I can't just up and dump Seven like she has no
meaning to me�she does,// he sighed mentally. Harry decided he would
talk with Tom tomorrow, make him understand that sometimes things just
don't work out, but they'd always be friends. //Always friends, Tom,
always.//

---

Tom continues singing, his gaze never leaving Chakotay's brown eyes.
But even as Tom continues to pours his heart and soul into the song,
the big man seems to remain impassive, and unaffected by his words he
sings.

Please come back Baby Please come back Baby Kiss it away We don't even
have to explain Please come back and kiss away MY pain Lost love is
such, such a shame

The sorrowful sound of a saxophone plays a haunting melody.


Please come kiss away the pain Your kiss is guaranteed To take all the
pain Take all the pain Take all the pain Away from me Please come back
and kiss away the pain

Please come  kiss away the pain


As the chorus of the song repeats in the background, Tom watches as
Chakotay finally reacts, he gets up from his table, excuses himself
and heads to the exit.


Please come  kiss away the pain


Chakotay pauses for a moment, his back to the pilot, and then leaves
the Holodeck. Tom's heart breaks as the Holodeck doors close silently.
As the song's music begins to fade, Tom barely sings the final words.


Please won't you do it? Kiss it away Please


Tears begin to stream down Tom's face. He drops the mike and rushes
off to one of the empty dressing rooms behind the stage. //Shit, what
and idiot! Why didn't I just leave well enough alone, // he sobbed.
//No, you had to push, to open your big mouth.// He recalled watching
Chakotay as he sang. Nothing! He got nothing from the big man, no
reaction whatsoever. //No, that wasn't true. Chakotay did react�he
turned his back and walked out! // That was even more devastating than
if he would have told him to go fuck off. Damn, it hurt. //So what,//
he told himself, //It doesn't matter// he added, but then why the fuck
couldn't he stop crying?

---

Harry and B'Elanna both saw their best friend crumble before their
eyes, and each told their dates they'd be right back, Tom needed them.
Both thought to themselves that they had no idea how hard Tom had
taken their breakup. Together their individual thoughts turned to
those of perhaps, just maybe, they could give it another try. They
walked past the stage, rounded the corner together and stopped at the
first set of dressing room doors. As they opened the first door, they
heard Tom crying and cursing quietly to himself, his back to the door.
"Idiot.I'm a fucking idiot. I had my chance and I blew it. Now it's
too late."

Harry and B'Elanna looked at each other. B'Elanna was the first to
move. She walks quickly across the small room and stands behind the
pilot. She rests her hand on Tom's shoulder. "Tom, Tom its okay. It's
okay. I'm here. I'm sorry you're hurting sweetheart, but I'm with Ken
now. I still love you, but I can't just..."

Tom suddenly stops crying. He turns to face her. "B'Elanna, what are
you talking about" He sniffs. His eyes are red and puffy, and
confused.

"The song Tom. You were singing about lost love, right?" she asks
suddenly feeling a bit awkward.

He nods his head. Realization finally hits him. "You thought�I was
singing about you, about what we had?"

"Weren't you?"She asks, kind of taken aback.

"B'Elanna, I sorry." He shakes his head, and turns back away from her.
"No. I wasn't singing about us. I was singing to someone else.  I..."
His voice falters, from guilt of the mistake and pain of loss.

Harry walks over and touches Tom's shoulder. "Tom?"

Tom sighs. The two people he hadn't been singing to both thought that
he had been singing to them. And the one that he was singing to
couldn't give a damn. "No Harry. The song wasn't for you either. I'm
sorry.  I'm really sorry that you thought that I..." He starts crying
again. "I'm such a fucking idiot."

"Well, if you weren't singing to us, then who were you singing that
song for?" Harry asked, for he could see his friend was in a great
deal of pain and perhaps talking would help, for he didn't know what
else was left.

Tom continues to cry, silent sobs that shake his whole body. B'Elanna
asks him quietly. "Tom who were you singing to?"

"Me."Chakotay's rich baritone spoke softly from the door. Harry and
B'Elanna both looked stunned into the soft brown eyes of the First
Officer. He had arrived via transporter, seconds after Harry and
B'Elanna entered the room. He had heard Tom's sorrowful crying, and
the responses of the two junior officers, and had been taken back by
the whole exchange, touched that Tom has such dear friends.

"Chakotay?" Tom whispered, almost too afraid to say the name aloud,
not sure if the man were really here or if it was just his
imagination.

"Chakotay?" Harry and B'Elanna chorused with astonishment.

Tom turns and looks into Chakotay's eyes, warm brown eyes. Eyes that
were filled with love and sorrow.

Chakotay steps into the room. "You were singing to me, weren't you
Tom?" His voice is soft, almost a whisper, a hint that perhaps, just
perhaps he might be wrong as the other two had been. Tom nods his
head, too afraid to speak. "You're not an idiot Tom. If anyone's an
idiot, it's me." He walks over to the younger man, completely ignoring
the incredulous looks from Harry and B'Elanna, and stops in front of
Tom, who is shaking nervously. Chakotay reaches a hand up and wipes
away a tear, leaving his hand on Tom's cheek."I'm an idiot for wasting
three years. Three years we could have been together. I'm sorry Baby.
Please forgive me."

---

Tom reaches up and covers Chakotay's hand with his own. He turns his
head and kisses the palm. He's still too overwhelmed to speak. //Oh
gods, Chakotay was here, saying he was sorry. He knew the song had
been for him. He's asking me to forgive him. // Tom could barely
breathe he was so happy, but he was also hurt. He swallowed as he
tried to find his voice. "Why?" Tom croaked. "If you knew I was
singing to you, why did you just sit there like it didn't mean
anything? And why did you leave? Shit, it hurt so much when you just
walked out." Tom began to cry again, the tears running down his face.

Chakotay seeing the unintentional additional pain he caused his love,
pulls Tom into his arms. "Spirits, Tom. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to
hurt you. I won't ever hurt you again. I promise. The song, the words,
they had meaning. It meant everything. When I saw you were willing to
give me, give us, a second chance, I didn't want to blow this, Baby. I
knew then that I didn't want to lose you again. I never want to lose
you again," he hugged his love tightly emphasizing his words. "I found
myself frozen in rememberance of what we had and then I knew what I
had to do, I had to go to my quarters to get these."

Chakotay releases Tom and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out two
elegant gold bands. Tom looks down at the two rings, the one, slightly
larger than the other, surrounding, protecting the smaller one. He
looks back into eyes that sparkle with love and tenderness. Tom is
again speechless.

"Tommy, let me take the pain away. I need you Tommy. I don't want to
go another day without you by my side. Please Tommy?" Chakotay asks as
he removes the larger ring and holds the smaller ring out. Tom smiles
at him and extends his hand. Chakotay places the ring upon his finger.
He gives Tom the larger ring and holds out his hand. Tom slips the
band on Chakotay's finger. "Please Tom. Let me kiss away the pain," He
whispers again, this time sounding more like a vow.

Chakotay pulls the trembling young man into his arms. He kisses his
forehead lightly, followed by kisses and gentle whispered words of
love over the pilot's eyes, down his nose, on his cheeks. Upon Tom's
lips he places a soft, tentative kiss. "Tommy I love you and, by the
Spirits, I will never bring you such pain again." He kisses Tom again,
soft deep loving kisses.

B'Elanna and Harry continue to look on with mouths open. Neither is
able to say anything. Neither had expected Tom to be singing such a
sad song of pain and longing to, of all people, Chakotay. They hated
each other, or at least barely tolerated each other. B'Elanna is about
to speak up when she hears Tom starts talking again.

"Oh Chakotay. I love you so much. I cried each night, Cha. Cried
myself to sleep because you hated me, you turned your back on me. I
had lost my husband and there was nothing I could do."

"Husband?" Five voices ask in unison. Harry and B'Elanna turned to see
Janeway, Dalby and Seven enter the room.

Chakotay and Tom turn when they hear the question. "Yes" Tom sniffs.
"Chakotay and I are married."

"Married? Since when?" asks Torres.

"Coming close to four years now" Tom replies.

"Three years, nine months, three weeks and two days" Chakotay states
as he looks into Tom's eyes.

Tom smiles brightly at his husband. "I didn't think... I guess I
thought that...that you didn't..."

"...that I didn't care? That it didn't matter? Of course it mattered,
Baby. You've always mattered." //To be honest Tommy, you've mattered
too much.//


Chakotay's mind is suddenly flooded with memories� ...a poorly lit bar
on a backwater planet ...dilated blue eyes filled with love and desire
and a warm slim body withering beneath him in ecstasy ...wedding bands
and vows exchanged ...a request that they 'don't tell anyone yet'
about the marriage ...conflict with Seska about undercover agents ...a
night of passionate loving followed by days of pain after hearing
Tom's ship was captured by the Federation ...the sting of betrayal
from Seska's *proof* of Tom's duplicity ...hurt from opening himself
and his heart to a traitor ...resentment at being used in a Federation
setup ...surprise at seeing Tom on Voyager's bridge ...anger at
realizing that any hope he held that Seska's words had not been true
were shattered ...hatred of the man he had given his heart and soul to

As Chakotay looks into Tom's eyes the memories continue to assault
him� ...Tom had come to his quarters that first night on Voyager and
tried to explain, begged him to listen. But he had only gotten furious
with the young man, calling him a traitor, a bastard, and a whore.

Chakotay was defensive as well, saying he never really loved Tom, had
only used him as a tool for the Maquis. He had gotten angry and
spiteful at Tom's insistence of innocence and his declarations of
love. He lied to the younger man to hide his own pain. He had kicked
Tom out of his quarters, but only after telling him that the only
reason he had ever touched him was so he could fuck over someone that
Admiral Paris cared about, just like the elder Paris had fucked over
the Maquis.

"I never loved you. All you ever were to me Paris was a slut to be 
fucked in the mouth and up the ass. I bought your *services* with that 
ring..."

He had been cruel. He had wanted Tom to hurt just as much as he did. 
With his next statement he succeeded. "Come on Paris, get on your
knees and do what you do best, what you've been paid for. Suck my 
cock, you fucking whore, it's all you've ever been good for!"

Direct  hit. He saw the pain in Tom's eyes as the pilot gave back his 
wedding ring, cursed him and left.


Months of bitter hatred followed, neither man revealing the extent of
their relationship, nor the reason for their animosity. Then Seska's
identity was uncovered, her lies unraveled. She had been the plant.
She had used him. She had destroyed his relationship, and in doing so,
she had destroyed him. He wallowed in his impotence, a broken man,
wanting to reconcile with Tom, but believing it impossible. Chakotay
had hurt the man he vowed his heart to. He had treated Tom like shit.
Tom hated him, with good reason. Chakotay saw it in Tom's eyes, every
time he looked at him, the hatred, the loathing. Chakotay knew he
didn't deserve another chance, not after what he did, not after how he
behaved. He didn't deserve another chance, so he never asked for one.

//Oh Spirits, Tom. How do I explain what a fool I've been?//

"Tommy, you've always mattered. I've always cared. But I was a fool
Baby. When your ship was captured, I was so hurt. I thought I had lost
you. Then Seska started with her lies. And, shit, Tommy," Chakotay 
runs a hand through his hair, "you didn't want us to tell anyone we 
were married. I was confused; I began to believe her lies. Then when 
you showed up on Voyager's bridge, it was like everything Seska had 
said made sense. I was angry and hurt. I felt used. I wanted to hurt 
you like I was hurting."

Chakotay takes a shuttered breath and continues his attempt to explain
things to Tom. "Time after time I have replayed what I said to you
that first day on Voyager and the months following. I was a prick
Tommy. I was being mean and spiteful. Then Seska was revealed for the
traitorous bitch that she was. Everything she had said had been a lie.
Spirits, I knew then I had made a big mistake. I knew I was wrong. But
by then you had moved on. By then, there was no place for me in your
life."

Chakotay wipes his eyes clear with his sleeve. "So many times I wanted 
to tell you how sorry I was, beg you to take me back. Even when you 
were with some of the others, inside I felt I could have said 
something, should have said something. Yet I said nothing, fearing 
the rejection and disdain that I knew I would get, that I knew I 
deserved. And then you started something with B'Elanna, then Harry. I 
figured Ihad blown any chance, because these were not like the casual 
affairs you had had before. Spirits, it hurt me each day I got up and 
the other side of the bed, your side, was empty. It hurt knowing you 
were in someone else's bed, in someone else's arms. But I've always 
cared Tommy. Even when things were so strained between us, I always 
cared, and always hoped that this day would come." Chakotay pulls Tom 
in for another hug and kiss on the lips.

Janeway interrupts, the sound of disbelief lacing her words. "Are you
trying to imply that Tom and you have been secretly married all these
years?"

"I'm not trying to imply anything Kathryn. Tom and I *are* married.
Have been since the day he joined the Maquis."

Tom smiles dreamily, "Yeah. He hired me to fly for him. Then he took
me to bed that same day. He made love to me�love, Captain not sex, but
love, profound love. It was so intense, so right, that the next
morning we got married."

Chakotay is holding Tom around the waist. The slim pilot turns in his
arms, and speaks to the bigger man. "Oh Cha, I gave you my heart that
day. I loved you so much. But I was scared. It was so sudden. I was
afraid it wouldn't last. That's why I didn't want to tell anyone. Not
because I didn't love you, but because I didn't know if you would
still feel the same way days later. I knew I only wanted to be with
you. I knew I only loved you. And I never stopped loving you. Even
through all that shit, I never stopped loving you." Tom begins to sob
softly. "At first I didn't understand what was happening when I saw
you on the bridge. I didn't understand why you hated me, why you
looked at me, with so much anger and hurt."

Chakotay begins to quiet his love, but Tom stops him, the need to
speak strong. "I couldn't understand why you didn't believe me,
wouldn't listen to me. I hadn't done anything wrong. Hell, I lied to
Janeway and Starfleet just to get out of Auckland, just to get back to
you. But Seska had gotten to you first, and you turned your back on
me. Then after the Jonas incident, I felt I well and truly blew any
chance to get back together. When the anger and tension settled
between us, I knew I should have gone to you again and try to resolve
things. I didn't, for by then I got on my self-righteous horse,
thinking I never deserved your anger in the first place. So, instead
of facing you and talking to you, I too walked away. But in my heart
of hearts I never stopped loving you. Yeah, I tried to move on, but I
couldn't lie to them or myself any longer. I loved you, I needed you.
I couldn't bear to be so close to you, and not be able to touch you,
not be able to hold you. I couldn't bear to hear your voice, and not
hear you say 'I love you'."

"I do love you Tom." Chakotay kisses him again, feathered soft kisses
on his face and neck. "Baby I'm so sorry. Three years wasted because
we were both stupid and foolish, but I'll spend the rest of my life
making it up to you. Spirits, I love you Thomas Eugene Chakotay. I
gave you my name as well as my heart that first day. I have never
stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you. You are my soul
mate, and I've been so empty without you."

Chakotay kisses Tom. It is a passionate kiss, full of longing and
desire. Everyone else in the small room look on at the two lovers
sharing this intense moment. The kiss continues as each man melts into
the other. Lack of oxygen is the only thing that separates the lovers,
who rest their foreheads together and share whispered words.

"Chakotay, please, make love to me. Show me how much you love me. Kiss
away my pain."

"Yes Baby. Tonight and every night. I'll show you how much I love you
Tom. Show you how much I've missed you, how much I need you."

Chakotay begins to walk with his husband out of the small room. He
pulls Tom close to his side, the pilot resting his head on his
shoulder. They continue to whisper words of love to each other,
oblivious to the incredulous stares.

Janeway is about to speak, about to stop them. Did they really think
they could drop a bomb like that and then just walk away? She looks
first at Chakotay, then at Tom. She had never seen either man as at
ease as they were now. There was tranquility about them, a bond that
she could 'see'. She could feel the love radiating from each man to
the other. Not sex, not lust, love. She held her tongue. It was
Valentine's night, a night for love and lovers. She would let them
share this night. She would let them heal each other tonight. But
tomorrow, she would get the whole story out of them or what was left
of it, for she was sure she had heard most of it as the two men poured
their souls out to the other before her.

"Chakotay,"Kathryn calls.

Chakotay stops. "Yes?"

"Happy Valentine's Day." She smiles at the two men. "Computer
transport Chakotay and Tom Paris to Commander Chakotay's quarters."

---

Lights shimmer. Molecules coalesce. Two men materialize in the First
Officer's quarters. Two bodies cling to each other as they share a
passionate kiss. Chakotay pulls away from Tom as the need for air ends
the kiss. He caresses Tom's cheek. "Beautiful. Tommy you are so
beautiful."

Tom sniffles, "You must be kidding. My eyes are puffy from crying. My
nose is red and runny. Beautiful? I don't think so."

"Baby, you're even more beautiful to me like this."

"What? You got a thing for emotionally wrecked blondes?"

Chakotay pulls him close. "No. I have a thing for you. I love you Tom.
No matter how puffy your eyes get. I'll always love you, Pooka."

Tom begins to shake in Chakotay's arms, sobs wracking his body.
"Baby?"He asks as he holds Tom, who gives no reply. "Tom?" Still no
answer, only the crying gets stronger. He pulls back from Tom. "Tommy,
what's wrong? Pooka, please...Tell me what's wrong."

Tom tries to control himself. He takes several deep breaths. "Do you
know how long I've waited to hear you call me that again? Do you know
how much I've missed that name?"

Chakotay cups Tom's face and wipes the tears from his cheeks. "As long
as I've wanted to say it to you again, more than 3 years."

�Three plus years wasted." Tom sighs. "Chakotay, what if I hadn't sung
that song? What if you didn't show up? Would we have continued for
another three years as if there was never anything between us? What if
one of us would have died? How could we have let this go on so long?"
Chakotay looks into the pleading eyes of his husband. He pulls the
younger man into an embrace.

"I don't know, Pooka. I don't know. All I know is that you DID sing
that song. I WAS there to hear it. And because of that we are back
together. Would we have wasted more time and continued like we had
been? Spirits, I hope not. I hope I would have finally gotten enough
sense to beg your forgiveness." Chakotay pulls back and holds Tom's
hands to his chest. "I DO know that every time you went on an away
mission, I felt like I was holding my breath until you returned
safely. And when you were injured, I would pray to the Spirits that
you would be okay, that you would return to me, even if it wasn't as
my husband. I could not bear to lose you, Pooka." He brings Tom's
hands to his lips and kisses them gently. "I love you. I need you."

"Show me. Make love to me."

Chakotay looks lovingly at the younger man. It felt so good to tell
everyone that Tom was his husband. This beautiful young man had given
him the honor of being his husband once before. And now, by the
Spirits, he was being given a second chance. He would make love to his
Pooka, his beloved, his soul mate. He would make love to him just like
he did that first time.

Chakotay walks Tom into the bedroom, not stopping until they reach the
bed. His mind is in a whirl. For so long he had wanted Tom here with
him. For so long he had wanted to touch this man, love this man, fuck
this man. He had wanted to love Tom the way he used to, hard and fast.
That was how Tom liked to be taken. That was how Tom needed to be
possessed. //I need it that way too.// he mused. He had wanted Tom to
feel his need, to know his hunger. He had wanted Tom's body to quench
his desire. //But not now. Not this time. Maybe...maybe that would
come later.// What he needed to do now was to show Tom how much he
missed him. What he *had* to do now was to show Tom how much he needed
him. What he *MUST* do now is show Tom how much he loved him.

He had to show Tom how much he loved him. //It has to be perfect.//
Theirjoining had to be perfect, //just like the first time//. Chakotay
looks up into trusting blue eyes. He feels his heart ache. //Spirits,
I love this man.// He reaches out his hand to unbutton Tom's shirt.
Chakotay's hands are trembling. //Shit. Got to make this perfect. Got
to show him how much I love him. Can't hurt him. Got to take it
slow.//

---

Tom sees Chakotay's shaking hands, and attributes it to his building
passion. //Hell, I'm a little nervous myself.// The anticipation of
finally being held in Chakotay's strong arms again after all these
years was wreaking havoc on Tom's own control.

---

Chakotay fumbles with the buttons on Tom's shirt. "Spirits help me. I
have to show Tom how much I love him... it has to be perfect... I
can't hurt him... I need him too much... Damn... I can't... hands
shaking too much... too scared I'll hurt him again... too scared I'll
lose him again... Shit... can't undo these damn buttons... can't undo
the pain I've caused him... can't hurt him again... got to take it
slow and easy...love him slow and easy... love him too much..."

---

Chakotay's hands are stilled by Tom's. The big man looks up, his eyes
wide with confusion and apprehension. That look told Tom that Chakotay
had no idea he had been speaking aloud. THAT look told Tom that those
words had been Chakotay's fervent prayer. Tom's heart begins to ache
seeing this strong passionate man in such turmoil.

Tom had expected to be ravished by his insatiable Maquis Warrior, and
was surprised by Chakotay's demeanor. He remembered how good they were
together, each man bringing out the primal raw desire in the other. He
loved being taken by Chakotay. The Big Man would make his body hum,
the sex was always so intense. But, no matter who fucked who, sparks
always flew when they made contact.

//Oh shit, at least be honest// Tom muses //I like it the most when
Chakotay sticks his fat cock up my ass.// He loved the way Chakotay
would possess him, lay claim to what was his, and take all that he
wanted from Tom. Of course, Tom gave willingly all that Chakotay
demanded. And for all that Chakotay took, he gave as much of himself
in return. Because when Chakotay touched Tom, when he fucked Tom, it
was like no one else had ever touched him before. //Was it physical?
Hell yeah. Chakotay's big body, and thick cock. You bet your ass it's
physical. But shit, his fucking is emotional, spiritual.// When
Chakotay fucked Tom he felt whole, complete, loved. //That's what I
want. That's what I need. I want to 'feel' again. I want to be whole
again. I want Chakotay to make me whole again. Damn it, I want to be
loved again.//

Tom thought briefly that perhaps Chakotay's desire for him had waned.
They had been apart for over three years now. If anything, that
separation made Tom want the older man more, not less. Then Tom
realizes what Chakotay had been saying. //Oh shit. He thinks he hurt
me too much to love me. He's too scared to even touch me. But I need
him to touch me, to fuck me, to love me. Hell, he needs this too.//
Tom's mind screams. He didn't want to see this strong passionate man
behaving so insecurely. He had to do something, or he'd lose his
lovingly intense Angry Warrior.

Tom takes a step back from Chakotay, releasing his hands in the
process. //I need you Cha. I need you to love me like before, take me
like before.// A quick decision is made. He would entice his lover.
//I'll seduce you. I'll make you think with your cock. I'll make you
want me, make you take me. We'll talk later. But now, 'right now', I
need you to fuck me Cha, fuck me hard.// He smiles cheekily at his
husband. "Let me show you what you've missed."

Tom slowly unbuttons his shirt. Chakotay looks on quietly as Tom
reveals his upper body. Chakotay sucks in a lungful of air as Tom
licks a finger, then uses his finger and thumb to roll his right
nipple to a peak. He watches as Tom runs his hands over the fine hair
on his stomach as he continues to undress. Pants and underwear are
removed in short order. The sight of Tom's arousal brings a smile to
Chakotay's lips and a heat in his groin. But it's the vision of Tom
stroking himself as he cups and weighs his balls; it's the way Tom
looks as he wets his lips with a quick dart of his tongue; the way he
throws his head back exposing his long pale neck; it's the way he
moans as he says "I need you to FUCK me, Cha. I need you to take me
Baby. Take me hard. Take me now", that makes the former Maquis Captain
groan.

"Oh Spirits!"Chakotay mind had forgotten how incredibly erotic
watching Tom touch himself was. However Chakotay's body remembered and
was responding with a vengeance. "Shit," he groans as his sudden
erection aches as the material of his pants becomes too restrictive.
"Yes," he whispers as he watches Tom sink to his knees in front of
him. Slim hands on his hips pull him close. "Ohhh" he murmurs as Tom's
cheek brushes against his cloth covered erection. His right hand
gently strokes the hair on Tom's head. When Tom turns his head and
presses his mouth on Chakotay's cock, breathing warm puffs of air onto
the pulsing bulge Chakotay rasps out a throaty "Fuck!"

Big hands clamp onto Tom's head. Thick fingers entwine in the soft
blonde strands. Hips move forward and back in a building rhythm as
strong hands hold a head in place. Tom grabs handfuls of his ass and
is kneading him roughly as he runs his mouth up and down Chakotay's
erection. Without thought Chakotay began to respond to the
stimulations assaulting his body. Chakotay mind screams //Suck it// as
he pulls back slightly from Tom and unfastens his pants. Tom's hands
help to pull the impeding material out of the way. Chakotay quickly
steps out of shoes and pants, whipping his shirt over his head in the
process, the need to have Tom's mouth on his cock overpowering.

---

Tom's senses are overwhelmed with the scent of Chakotay's sex.
However, he has only seconds to take in the musky male aroma of semen
and sweat. Only seconds before his head is yanked back forcefully and
a hard cock is shoved deep into his mouth. Just as quickly the oral
invader is removed, only to be slammed back in again, just as deep.
//YES! Fuck my mouth, Cha. Fuck my throat, Baby. I want this. I need
this.// Quickly, a rhythm was developed. On every in stroke Chakotay
grunted "Suck it". On every out stroke Tom took a quick breath.

---

Chakotay is in a sensual haze of erotic pleasure. His cock is being
expertly sucked by Tom, who knows exactly how to draw an orgasm out of
him. He is well on his way towards climax as his blonde siren works
his penis with tongue and teeth. He looks down on the head bobbing
back and forth on his erection. He looks at his own hands, guiding the
head in the rhythm he preferred. He slows down, tilting the young
man's head back slightly, watching his cock slide in and out,
stretching the pilot's mouth.

Chakotay sees that Tom's hands are not idle. Tom is still stroking his
own erection, which is leaking profusely. Tom is just as close to
climax as he is. Chakotay knows it, and realizes Tom knows it too,
especially when he sees Tom using his own precum to coat two fingers.
Chakotay groans deep in his chest. //Oh Fuck!!// He knows what Tom is
about to do with those semen slicked digits. Once they were coated to
his satisfaction, Tom was going to increase the rhythm of his sucking,
then slips first one then the next finger into Chakotay's ass. Tom was
going to stroke his prostate while simultaneously engulfing his rock
hard cock deep in his throat. At the same time he would reach up with
his other hand and twist Chakotay's nipple.  //Oh Spirits!!// Chakotay
would wail. He would grab Tom's head and pull him close, burying Tom's
face in his groin. And then Chakotay would empty himself into Tom's
throat, his cock jerking in Tom's mouth, his ass clenching around
Tom's slender fingers.

//Shit. Shit. Shit! // Chakotay mind plays back the first time Tom had
done that to him. He fucking nearly passed out from the sensations, it
was so intense. The last time Tom had done that to him was the day he
went on that mission for the Maquis. Tom had asked to speak to him in
his office, in private, not even half an hour prior to his flight.

At first he thought Tom only wanted to neck a little, as he had
thoroughly fucked his young husband into a boneless heap the night
before. He had loved Tommy slowly, gently, exploring every inch of
that firm body first by hand then by tongue. Tom had begged him for
release, as he kept his husband on the cusp of climax for a long time.
Their orgasm had been filled with so much love, so much passion, that
it left each man shaken with its intensity. He assumed that neither he
nor Tom would be up for anything more than a little petting until Tom
returned from his trip. Somehow, though, before he knew it, Tom had
Chakotay's pants at his ankles in the middle of his small office. His
cock was in Tom's mouth, Tom's fingers up his ass, and his nipple was
being pulled and pinched. He came with such a great shout that the
crew thought he was cursing the pilot out.

Oh yeah, he had cursed him alright. He'd called him a cock-sucking,
ass-fucking, son of a bitch, as Tom had then bent him over his own
desk and fucked him hard and fast in his semen prepped ass. //Shit it
had been so damn good. So damn right.// Tom had lain on his back,
fucking him deeply, pressing his own cock painfully into the desk. But
he didn't care about the pain, not then, because Tom was saying he
loved him. Tom was asking him whose ass he was fucking, who's cock had
he sucked. He had told Tom, 'Yours Pooka, only yours' as he felt his
husband spill his essence into his ass. Chakotay had turned his head
and kissed Tom then, long and lovingly, saying with his mouth what he
felt in his heart. He told Tom he loved him, then sent him off on that
damn mission.

That was over three years ago. That was before the Kazon, before the
Delta Quadrant, before Voyager. It was before Seska had told him the
lies. It was before he believed them. It was before he hurt Tom.
Before he lost his husband. //'�I never loved you� All you ever were
to me Paris was a slut to be fucked in the mouth... I bought your
services... Come on Paris, get on your knees...Suck my cock, you
fucking whore...'// As past memories flashed by, Chakotay's mind was
brought up short by the present reality.

"Oh Spirits, no. No." He pulls out of Tom's mouth. He releases his
hold of the blond hair. "No!" He steps back away from the kneeling man
so fast, Tom struggles to maintain balance. "No. I can't..."

"No. I won't use you like that. I won't hurt you like that. No!"
Chakotay repeated.

Tom looked into the pained eyes of his husband. "Cha?"

---

Tom wondered if he had made a mistake. He questioned if seducing his
husband into taking him had been the wrong thing to do. *He* knew that
it wasn't just about sex. *He* knew that it was about their bonding,
about their vows. *He* knew that no matter how intense the fucking
was, no matter how hard, how fast, how rough, he *KNEW* that every
kiss, every touch, every stroke of Chakotay cock deep into his body,
was done with love. //I know Chakotay loves me.// From their very
first times together Chakotay had told him he loved him, shown him he
loved him. They may have initially come together as two men looking
for a quick fuck. But they wound up becoming one, as they joined mind,
body and soul.

He knew Chakotay loved him. There was no question in his mind. //Damn
it. Why couldn't Chakotay see that? Why couldn't he understand that?
Why was he fighting me on this?//

Tom went over to his husband. "Cha please."

"No Tom. No, I can't do you like that. I won't... Not any more. I
won't treat you that way. I won't hurt you like that."

"Hurt me like what? Chakotay, what are you talking about?"

"I won't treat you like a whore Tom."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you being on your knees at my feet, sucking my
cock, like you're some kind of prostitute."

Tom looks at him incredulously. "Is that what you think when we do
this? When I suck your cock, is that what you think of me, that I'm
some kind of whore?"

"Spirits, no! No, Tom. It's not what I think. But I said it. I called
you a whore, back then. It's how I hurt you. Oh shit, Tom. I'm so
sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean those things I said. I was angry,
hurt. I wanted to hurt you. I was wrong to have said those hateful
things to you. I was a bastard back then.�

Chakotay looks at Tom with pleading eyes. "But now, I just want to
love you. I want to tell you how sorry I am, show you how sorry I am.
I wanted to make love to you Tommy, slowly, gently. But, shit, I'm
just as big a bastard now as before. Spirits, I wanted our first time
back together to be special, to be perfect. Yet I don't even have the
fucking decency to get on the bed and make love to you. No, I just
forced my cock in your mouth, forced you to suck me. Fuck, all I
wanted just now was to fuck your throat till I came Tom. I just wanted
to come in your throat." He runs his hand through his hair,
frustration evident on his face and in his voice. "*I* was treating
you like a whore. Damn. I'm so sorry."

---

Tom listens to the anguished words of his husband and drops his head.
"Shit." //Did I make a mistake? I know this is what we need.// He knew
Chakotay was just being mean and hurtful to him before. But he had
forgiven the older man. He had forgiven him for that, and for
everything else. He said so in the song. They didn't need to explain
anything. He just needed Chakotay here with him, holding him, loving
him. He just needed his husband back. //Damn all the things that kept
us apart.That was done, history. But Chakotay doesn't know that I've
let all that go. He doesn't understand that I had forgiven him months
ago. And fuck, idiot that I am, so intent upon making love to my
husband, I didn't bother to reassure him. I didn't bother to tell him
how sorry I was for the things *I* had done and said.// "Shit, Cha."
Tom is exasperated with himself.

---

Chakotay, unknowingly takes Tom's statement as one validating his
comments. "I'm sorry Tom. I didn't mean to force myself on you.  I
don't want you to think that that's all I want from you Tom. I don't
want to use you. I want to love you Tommy, slowly, gently. I just want
to love you. All I've ever wanted to do was love you. I never meant to
hurt you." Chakotay turns away from the young man, his heart hurting
at the way he had just treated his love. "Spirits how can I ever make
this right?"

---

Tom walks over to his husband. He stands behind him, wrapping his arms
around Chakotay's waist. "Oh Baby I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Cha you
have done nothing wrong, Baby. Nothing." He kisses a bronze shoulder
gently. "You've never hurt me. You've never hurt me. In all the times
that we've been together, in all the times that you've loved me,
you've never hurt me Baby. You only did what I wanted you to do Cha. I
wanted you to fuck my mouth, I needed you to fuck me like that."

"No Tom, I was wrong. I used you." He tries to pull away, but Tom
embraces him tighter.

"No Cha, it was what I wanted, it's what I needed."

"No Tom, no. It was wrong. We shouldn't have done that. *I* shouldn't
have done that. I can't..." He walks away from the pilot.

"Cha please. Listen to me. Please."

Chakotay turns to look at his husband.

"Cha please. Listen. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. *I*
made the mistake Baby. *I* made the mistake." He walks up to the older
man. He opens his arms wide, hoping Chakotay would do the same. He
wanted to hold and be held by his husband.

Chakotay saw Tom's hesitation and uncertainty. He pulls Tom into a
warm embrace. Tom continues talking into the broad chest. "Oh gods
Cha, I love you. I love you so much. I just wanted you to love me
again, love me like you used to. But I saw you were too afraid to
touch me; too afraid you would hurt me. I didn't want to lose the
intensity that we use to have. But instead of talking to you, instead
of reassuring you, telling you I forgave you, telling you I was sorry.
Instead of doing the right thing, I did the wrong thing Baby. I
thought with my cock not with my head. Baby I'm sorry. I purposely got
you so worked up till all you COULD think about was fucking my mouth.
I knew what I was doing to you Cha. I knew what I was making you do."

He pulls back and looks his husband in the eyes. "I'm sorry Cha. I
should have talked with you. I should have told you that the past was
behind us. That none of that shit mattered anymore. We're together
again. We have our future ahead of us. I should have held you close,
just like I'm doing now, when you were so troubled. I should have told
you all these things ten minutes ago. Please Cha, please forgive me."

"Oh Spirits Pooka, of course I forgive you." He kisses Tom lightly.
"You were right, though. I was scared to touch you Tom. I still am. I
don't want to hurt you Baby. I don't want to hurt you. I just want to
love you."

"Then love me Cha. Let's start all over, Baby." Tom takes his
husband's hand and draws him over to the bed. "Lay with me Cha. Lay
with me and love me."

Tom kneels on the bed, pulling the Big Man with him. "Lie down Cha."
Chakotay lays down upon the bed. Tom covers the bigger body with his
own.

"Oh Cha, I've waited so long for this day. When you would hold me in
your strong arms again. When you would love me like you used to.Make
me whole again Cha. Show me that you still want me."

He looked up at Tom. "Want you? Of course I want you. Spirits Baby,
you're beautiful. Of course I want you." Yeah his Tom was beautiful,
very beautiful. He remembered the moment he saw this man he wanted
him. And that hadn't changed, even after all these years. He still
desired Tom.

Tom sees the fire blaze in Chakotay's eyes. This is the man he wanted.
This is what they both needed. Tom strokes gentle fingers over
Chakotay's skin. He sees the older man shudder. Tom begins to slowly
kiss Chakotay's shoulders, his chest. "Cha Baby I missed you. Missed
holding you, touching you. I miss feeling your body, so soft, so hard,
and so strong. Oh Baby you've been so strong through all of this." He
licks one of Chakotay's nipples.

He hears Chakotay moan. "Oh Tommy. Pooka."

That's what Tom longed to hear. "Yes. Pooka. I'm your Pooka. Make love
to your Pooka, Baby."

Chakotay pulls Tom close and takes in a shuddered breath as he feels
Tom's body hot and hard against his own. "Oh Spirits, I missed you
Tommy, I missed you so much. I love you. I need you."

"Take me Cha. Show me. Love me now. I need you Chakotay. I need you to
love me. Please." Tom's words tug at Chakotay's heart.

Tom pulls away from Chakotay for a moment. He leans over to the
nightstand, opens the drawer. He smiles to himself. He knew the
lubricant would be there. It was just how he and Chakotay had always
done it. He knew that hadn't changed. He places the tube within easy
reach on the bed. He looks back down at his husband.

"Please Baby, I need you. I need to feel you in me. I need to feel
that connection again. With you in me, loving me.�

"Tommy I'm scared. I'm scared I'll hurt you. It's been so long."

"Don't be scared, Cha, you won't hurt me. We're together. We're where
we are supposed to be. You're here for me and I'm here for you.
There's no need to be afraid. This is where we belong."

Tom rolls off his husband. "Tommy?" Chakotay questions Tom's sudden
movement.

"I want you to lay on me. Please Cha, I need to feel your body, I want
to feel your weight. Can you do that for me? Can you let me feel you?"

"Yes Baby. I can do that." Chakotay rolls on top of the younger man.

"Ohh, yeah,"Tom breathes, as he feels Chakotay's massive body settle
on top of his own. He wraps his arms around the broad back, and
whispers in Chakotay's ear. "Oh gods, I've missed this so much. I've
missed feeling you on top of me, missed feeling your weight.  I missed
having your strength. Do you know how much I depend on your strength
Cha? How often I just needed your strength to see me through. How many
times I needed your presence just to make it another day out here in
the Delta? It's all perfect now, Cha. Being here with you now makes it
perfect, in your arms, in your life."

Chakotay pulls back from his husband and looks into his eyes. He sees
the sincerity in them mirror the words he is speaking. //Tom was
right.// Their being back together made it perfect. Everything else
after that was just a bonus. He kissed the younger man passionately.
They both feel the desire start to build again. Bodies move against
each other. Chakotay begins to murmur and kiss Tom across his face and
neck. "Pooka, my Pooka. I missed touching you. I missed your body so
much.  I missed your smile, your presence in my arms. I love you Tom.
I love you. Let me love you."

He kisses Tom on his neck, nipping, teasing. He hears Tom moan.
"That's it, Tommy, moan for me. Show me how you like it. Moan, Pooka."

He turns them onto their side, they continue to grind against each
other, kissing, caressing, holding each other. Stroking. Pressing
their body close, rubbing erections together. Strong bronzed hands
clasp a pale ass, squeezing, making the younger man groan.

"Ohh please Cha, please, I need you inside me. I need you now. Please,
Baby."

Chakotay feels the need just as strongly as Tom.  "Shhh, its okay,
Tommy. Its coming, I promise. It's coming. Let me stretch you Tommy.
Let me open you up."

Tom starts to turn onto his stomach. Chakotay stops him with his hand.
"No, I want to watch you, want to kiss you as I love you."

Tom lies on his back and  parts his legs, bending his knees, exposing
himself to Chakotay. The big man looks down at his husband, baring
himself, baring his soul, baring his all. "Oh I don't deserve you. I
don't deserve you Tom, but I'm glad you're here."

"And I don't deserve you, but I don't want to be anywhere else. I'm
not going anywhere else. I love you Cha. Love me. Love me now."

Chakotay takes the lube and squeezes some onto his fingers. He slowly,
gently presses into Tom's center, first one finger and then another
until finally Tom's moaning and withering on his two fingers. But
Chakotay is cautious. At three fingers, Tom is begging him, pleading.
"Cha please. I need you. I need you now. Please."

Chakotay removes his fingers and begins to slowly press himself inside
of Tom. The act is gentle, loving. Slow strokes. He doesn't want to
hurt this man, not now, not ever, not in any way.

Chakotay thinks to himself. //Oh Spirits, he's so tight. So fucking
tight.So good. Shit. Take it slow, take it slow.//

Once he's fully sheathed inside Tom's warm channel, Chakotay leans
down, pressing his big body against Tom's smaller frame. Kissing Tom's
mouth softly, he begins a slow in and out thrust, pumping rhythmically
into his husband, whispering words of love. �Oh Tommy, I love you so
much.� His movement is slow, sensual, but it's not what Tom needs. Not
what he needs.

Tom understands it's been a long time since they were together. And
yes, they both wanted this to be perfect.  But the fact they were
together, like he told Chakotay, made it perfect. Now he just wanted
to be loved the way he knew Chakotay could love him. Tom senses the
bigger man's desire to speed up as well, yet Chakotay maintains the
slow stroking rhythm. Tom says "Cha, Cha please."

Chakotay pulls back to look at Tom, as he continues the slow thrusting
of his hips. Tom says, "Cha, I need you. I need to feel you. I need to
know that this is real. Please, Baby, please. Love me like before.
Please. You know how I want it. You know how I need it. We both need
it. Please Baby."

"Tom, I don't want to hurt you."

"You've never hurt me. You never have. You never will. Not like this.
Please, Cha. It's what we both need."

"Tom�"

"Please Cha�Please."

Chakotay looks deep into Tom's eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes Cha, I'm sure. Please Chakotay. Please. You're my husband. I
*need* you to be my lover. I need you to love me. Love me Cha. Take
me, Baby. Take me hard. Please."

Chakotay's voice is tight as he struggles to maintain control. Tom's
words were what he wanted to hear, needed to hear. He looks deep into
Tom's eyes, seeing the younger man's desire. He says to Tom, "Put you
hands by your head." Tom obeys the command immediately.

Chakotay entwines their fingers together. He leans forward and kisses
Tom passionately. A deep kiss. Putting all his feeling, all his
emotions, all his love into this one kiss. Tom reciprocates, kissing
Chakotay just as eagerly in return, giving as much as he is receiving,
in this one kiss. Chakotay pulls away, panting. "Spirits, I love you."

"I love you too," Tom breathes. "Show me, Baby. Fuck me. Fuck me
hard."

Chakotay pulls his hips back to the point where his erection almost
leaves Tom's body. He pushes forward with a sudden thrust.

"Oh yeah," Tom moans. "Yes. Yes. Just like that. Please. Just like
that."

Chakotay looks into Tom's eyes. He won't release his gaze. There is
intensity between them. He pulls back out and thrusts in again,
harder.

"YES!" Tom breathes.

Chakotay begins to drive deep and hard into Tom's body. All the time
that he's pumping inside of Tom, he's looking into his eyes, keeping
the connection, feeling Tom's grasp get tighter and tighter as Tom
gets closer and closer to climax. His body is sliding over Tom's
erection. Tom's breathing shallows out as Chakotay continues to pump
into him.

Tom murmurs, "Oh yeah� yeah�please Baby� oh please�Cha please. So
good. So good... I'm close� Almost� Oh please� so close."

"Fuck. You're so tight Tommy. Shit. So fucking tight. I gonna fuck
that ass Tommy. Gonna fuck that ass. "

"Fuck me Cha. Oh. Harder Baby. Fuck me harder. Take it. Take it. Ohh
Cha I love you, only you."

"Oh Pooka, love you. Need you. Need you Tommy."

"Cha I need you now."

Tom is being held down on the bed by the weight of Chakotay's body.
Chakotay's fucking him with hard fast strokes. They are both grunting
now, they are almost beyond words, almost beyond thought. It's all
physical now, all primal. Their bodies are speaking to each other.
Chakotay fat cock driving deep into Tom's clenching ass, muscle
squeezing muscle.

"Oh shit"Chakotay groans, sliding in and out deeper and deeper and
harder with each stroke. Tom's cock, pressed between their bodies, is
hot and hard, throbbing and sliding against their stomachs, leaving a
film of sticky fluid.

Sensual loving pleasures and wanton carnal desires, blurred the line
between making love and having sex. The scent of sweat and sex filled
the room, filled their senses, driving the lovers higher. Explicitly
lewd language, of want and need, stoked the fire.

"Oh Tom, you're so tight, so fucking tight. I wanna fuck you Tom. I
wanna fuck you all damn night Pooka."

"Fuck me Cha. Fuck me. Shove your cock in me."

"So good Tom... so tight... your ass is so damn tight. Squeeze me Tom,
squeeze my cock with your ass. Ohhh so good. Shit."

"Fuck me Cha. Oh please fuck me, harder, harder." Tom wraps his legs
around Chakotay's waist, planting his feet on Chakotay's ass, angling
his body for deeper penetration. "Take it Cha, take my ass."

"Gonna fuck you Pooka, gonna fuck you good ... shit so good... ass is
mine, your ass is mine. I'm gonna ride your ass Tommy."

Chakotay continues to pound inside his husband. Pounding out his need,
pounding out his want, pounding out his love into Tom's ass.

Affirmation. They are on the edge. So very close to the edge. Hands
still entwined. The Big Man feels the heat deep in his body, rising
up. His stroking becomes erratic as he gets closer to climax. Chakotay
looks deep into Tom's eyes and says "Every stroke Pooka. Every time I
pump you, every time I touch you, every time I fuck you, I love you.
Know this. Know this Tom. "

Tom pants "I know Cha, I know. Love me. Love me. Love me more. Harder.
Love me harder."

"I love you Tom. I love you. Love you." Chakotay pumps faster. "Oh
Spirits. I'm gonna cum. Oh Tommy... gonna show you how much I love
you. Here it comes. Here it comes, Pooka. All my love. All my love. Oh
fuck..."

"Give it to me Cha. I need it. Give it to me. Give me your love Baby,
give me your love..."

Chakotay pumps one more time, pushing his cock balls deep into Tom's
ass. For a moment he is suspended in time. Then he explodes, sending
white hot semen flooding into Tom's body.

"Oh FUCK!! Feel me Tommy. Feel me� shit... feel my love Pooka. Feel my
love."

"Oh Cha. Oh Cha. So hot. Oh fuck, so hot. Oh Cha I feel you. Oh YES. I
feel you. So good, Cha. It's so good. Ughhh... FUCK!... CHAKOTAY!..."

Chakotay groans at the sudden pressure squeezing his penis. "Oh fuck.
Cum for me Tom. Cum for me. Cum now."

Tom's orgasm seizes him. His entire body clenches up. His hands
squeezing Chakotay's tightly. His cock jerks between their bodies in
warning. Tom's release is spectacular. Thick strands of liquid heat
are expelled from his cock in waves which shake his entire being.

Connection. Tom's very breath is taken from him as Chakotay's mouth
covers his own. The older man's body is a heavy counterweight upon the
younger man's shaking form. Hands still entwined, squeeze each other
tightly. Chakotay's shaft still buried deep inside his husband,
pulsing out the last of his seed, squeezed by Tom's muscles. Tom's
essence, flowing between their two bodies, binding the men together.

Purification. This act of intimacy is the union of mind, body and
soul, where two become one, its intensity, both gentle and aggressive,
giving and taking. This act of intimacy, where the white hot fires of
life shared between lovers is a soothing balm, erasing all the pain,
all the hurt, all the lies, all the deceptions. There are no need for
words. No need for explanations. Each had done their own share of
hurting the other. Both had just apologized. THIS act of intimacy is
the spoken and unspoken forgiveness of the past; the renewed vow of
eternal commitment in the present; the forging of unbreakable bonds in
the future. They are made whole again. They were together again, the
way they were suppose to be, forever.

Consecration. "Oh Cha, I love you. I love you." Tom wraps his arms
around his husband, holding him tight, kissing him, riding the waves
of their union out together.

The older man buries his head in Tom's neck, kissing him, murmuring
"Pooka I love you. I love you. Always. Forever."

The bigger man rolls over onto his side, taking Tom with him, holding
him close. Refusing to break their bond. He cups Tom's face with his
right hand, kissing his husband softly. "For the rest of my life Tom,
I will always love you, always be here for you. I'm never leaving you
Tom. I'm never letting you go again."

"And I'm never letting you go either, Cha, not again, not in life or
death�never," Tom vows softly, the pledge sealed with a kiss before
both men found peaceful sleep for the first time since coming to the
Delta�they were once again one.

---

The End