The BLTS Archive - Prism
Fourth in the Jack series
by BratKatze (bratkatze@aol.com)

---

This is rated NC-17 for highly disturbing language and sexual
situations. Proceed carefully.

The good guys are Paramount no infringement intended, the bad ones are
all mine.

---

If Tom thought arriving early for his shift would forestall the
inevitable interview with the Captain he was sorely mistaken.
Olmark, the Gamma shift watch commander, was waiting for him. Tom
had barely set foot on the Bridge before the Bolian's deep voice
rang out.

"Captain wants to see you in her Ready Room Paris."

For a moment Tom froze as twenty pairs and one single eye turned to
regard him, their expressions mostly hovering between open disgust
and speculative curiosity. One, Martinelli the little Maquis who
worked Ops sent him a shy smile tainted with something more than
sympathy. Tom returned their regard, holding their gaze with
supreme nonchalance. If they had thought to disconcert him, they
were mistaken. He'd stared down and been stared down by the best.
The Gamma Bridge crew didn't even rate. Tom allowed himself a smal=
l smile as one by one the eyes dropped and crew returned to their
duties, all except the little Ops officer. She matched his look and
in the end it was Tom who broke, unable to bear the sadness
reflected there.

"Now, Mr. Paris. The Captain."

With exaggerated grace, Tom sketched Olmark a bow and sauntered to the
Ready Room. Whispers that were not whispered echoing behind
him.

"I hear he was passed out drunk."

"I heard he was in bed with Seven."

"I heard Kim finally beat the crap out of him."

The innuendoes didn't bother him. He'd been called and been worse. It
didn't matter what the crew thought. He had little care for their
opinion in general. It bothered him that the Captain might think
these things of him, but he had long since given up proving himself
to the crew. There was only so much bitter disappointment a body
could take before it gave up. He had too many wounds from those who
'cared' about him to bother with those who didn't.

The Captain was ready for him, waiting behind her desk, the stern
expression of her face softened by the concern in her eyes. Not
for the first time, Tom allowed himself to fall a bit in love
with her.

"You wanted to see me Captain?"

"Come in Tom. Sit down." Janeway indicated the seat on the outside of
the desk. The "hot seat" as it was called. Tom had sat there often
enough to know how "hot" it could get. There were two seats in
Janeway's ready room, the hot seat and the coffee seat. If you
were called into the Ready Room and shown the couch you were in the
coffee seat; more than likely the Captain would offer you a cup,
advice, a promotion, or a shoulder to lean on. If you got the hot
seat and you were lucky, you'd be in for one of Janeway's famous
talks; the unlucky ones got a verbal flailing that would leave scars
on even the hardiest of men. Harry was well acquainted with the
coffee seat, but Tom rarely sat anywhere but the seat Janeway was
now indicating.

"Tom, do you care to explain what happened yesterday?"

"I'm not sure I can Captain."

"Try mister."

Tom sighed. She was not going to give him any quarter. He didn't
deserve it.

"I just overextended myself a bit Captain. And needed a break."

"Were you drinking?"

"What did Chakotay tell you?'

"Answer the question Tom."

"No Captain. I'm clean. Honest. It was more a physical thing. I'd
overdone some exercising that night and was exhausted actually."

She peered at him a moment. Concern flared briefly. "Have you seen
the Doctor?"

"No."

"I think you . . ."

"Captain, please. I just got too involved with something, lost track
of the time, and didn't get enough sleep. It's no more than that.
I'm sorry."

She was looking at him with something like pity now. She thought she
figured it out. He hated that look on anyone, on her most of all.

"Tom what's wrong? Is it because of Harry and B'Elanna?" She spoke
gently as if he were fragile, crippled, emotionally infirm, she
leaned forward, her hand resting lightly on his sleeve.

"No ma'am, it's just about me."

She hated it when you called her ma'am. He'd used it deliberately to
tell her she gone too far, gotten too close. The message was
understood and acknowledged. She withdrew her hand and leaned back
in her chair, lips pursed.

"You do understand I will have to discipline you."

"Yes Captain. I understand. It's Ok."

"I doubt that, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about
it. Very well, holodeck privileges are suspended for a week and
you'll put in extra shifts with the Doctor in sickbay. If this
happens again you will be staying in sickbay; as a patient. Is
that understood?"

"Yes Captain."

"Very well. Dismissed Lieutenant. "

She still thought it had something to do with Harry and B'Elanna, Tom
could see it in her eyes. She was hurt he hadn't confided in her,
but trusted him to fix the problem on his own. That implicit vote
of confidence meant more to him than all the pips Starfleet could
offer.

"It won't happen again Captain."

"It better not." She snapped but softened her bite with a smile.

---

After Tom had left, Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room lost in
thought stirring a rapidly cooling cup of coffee.

She'd let Tom escape without pushing the issue for a couple of
reasons. First, her helmsman still looked a bit frayed at the
edges. The whole debacle with B'Elanna had taken its toll on all
of them. But Tom most of all. Harry and B'Elanna at least had each
other and might in the end find some measure of happiness. But Tom
was alone, without the support of either a lover or a best friend.
It couldn't be easy for him, facing them day to day in staff
meetings, but he'd handled it well. She was proud of him. She could
have asked Chakotay to rework the shifts to limit their exposure to
each other but that would be setting a bad example for the crew.
Ship board romances were always a problem when they didn't work
out, but she couldn't start reordering the shifts because two
people just didn't get along. Her crew were professionals and she
had every right to demand that they perform as such. It would not
be fair to make exceptions.

Chakotay would not agree. For him the sensibilities of the crew came
first. But she didn't have that luxury to indulge in. The good of
the ship as a whole outweighed any single individual, including the
Captain. Their best chance, the only chance to make it home was to
function as a unit, a single team. It was not how she would have
chosen to run her ship. She was a scientist, not a military
commander. But out here, alone, with no support and even fewer
options, she had no choice. She promised the crew she would get
them home and she would. Even if they ended up hating her.

Chakotay disagreed with this. They'd had several discussions on this
and politely agreed to disagree, yet still he fought her. The other
day, when Tom failed to show for his shift, they'd almost come to
open conflict on the Bridge. She had backed down mostly because it
was Tom who was at issue. But also because open argument between
the Captain and her First Officer was a recipe for disaster. Again,
she and Chakotay disagreed, for while he felt the crew would
benefit from the knowledge that their commanding officers had ope=
n discussions, she knew it undermined her authority. And at crunch
time, when life or death decisions needed to be made based on her
instincts alone, doubt and hesitation could be deadly.

A good XO helped relieve that burden. Unfortunately, Chakotay did not.
He was a good man, a great man in many ways and she did care for
him, once she even thought she loved him; but as a First Officer,
he left much to be desired. Tuvok, even Tom, would have filled the
position better. It was only natural she supposed, as he had been
captain of his own ship, to have his own style of command. He was
her conscience but he wasn't her foundation. He'd kept at her
with his good intentions and moral judgments, wearing more and more
away at her confidence and commitment to command till she'd come
dangerously close to second guessing her instinct. That had been
unacceptable, and that was when she'd broken off their
relationship. He made her a better woman but a poorer captain.
And there were 150 souls on Voyager counting on her to be the
best captain she could be. It didn't matter if her bed and her heart
were lonely, that was the price of command.

---

The summons to the ready room awaited Chakotay when he reported to the
Bridge for his shift. Tom was already at his station looking much
his old self. It was as if the man from yesterday had never
existed. Chakotay watched him for a moment, then went to beard
the lioness in her den.

Obviously the discussion with Tom must not have gone to her
satisfaction. Kathryn was at her desk; her eyes distant, absently
stirring a cold cup of coffee.

"Penny for your thoughts."

She looked up and gave him a tired smile for the effort. "Come in
Chakotay."

"You looked so far away. Am I disturbing you?"

"No," she shook her head. "Sit down."

When he was seated opposite her, she continued, " I don't suppose you
care to tell me what's going on."

"What did Tom say?"

"First he asked me what you had told me. What's going on Chakotay?"

"I'm not sure."

"Is it because of Harry and B'Elanna? Is he still . . . ?"

"Yes and No. I think that's part of it, but there is more."

"Was he drinking?"

"No. He was exhausted."

"That's what he said."

"Believe him Kathryn. I think Tom's going through a rocky patch at
the moment. For many reasons. He was working out his frustrations
physically and over did it, nothing more."

"That's what he said."

"It's the truth. I'm sure all he needed was a good rest. He looks much
his old self this morning."

"Why are you lying to me Chakotay?"

"Pardon me?"

Janeway sighed and pulled two padds from her desk. "I had Tuvok pull
all the holodeck logs from the past week. Tom hasn't used either
deck in the last four days. He lied to me and so did you. Tom was
in his cabin the entire night. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry Kathryn. It's a private problem. Tom is handling it. And as
a counselor and a friend, I strongly suggest that it remains
private for the moment."

"If it effects the running of my ship. . ."

"It won't. Trust me on this. Making a larger issue of this will only
make it worse. I'll see to it that there won't be more
incidences."

She was clearly not happy. She wanted to know, but in the end she
decided not to push. Tom obviously had not wanted to confide in her
but since Harry was no longer an option he needed someone. That it
should be Chakotay was somewhat surprising given their past
animosity but not completely unexpected. They had put their
differences behind them to forge a solid working relationship,
professionally they were a good team. A captain knew when to let
go; so in the end, she let him off with only a warning. "There had
better not be."

---

Tom watched the Commander disappear into the ready room. It could have
been about anything, but from the look the Commander flashed him,
Tom was fairly certain the topic du jour would be him. When he
wasn't called in immediately afterwards, Tom knew Chakotay hadn't
told the Captain why he'd missed his shift. So now he owed the big
guy another one. Yesterday had been a surprise. Chakotay had been
more understanding and supportive than one would have supposed
given their history. When Tom had awoken several hours later, a
fully programmed meal was waiting his authorization for replication as
well as a change of clothes and some topical analgesic purloined,
he was certain, without the Doc's knowledge. It was better than
he deserved and he felt oddly humbled by the gestures. It was
more than he would have expected from anyone especially the
straightlaced Commander.

You never knew. It gave him something to think about. Something other
than Jack. There'd been a message on his computer this morning. It
was as close as an apology as one was likely to get from Jack.


Tommy,

Heard you missed your shift. Everything OK? Guess we got carried away.
I downloaded some extra rations, replicate yourself something, a
nice bottle of whiskey? Soon.

Jack


Though he supposed he was as much to blame as Jack if they overdid it.
With the new rotations starting, it was unlikely they would be
together again for some time. He ought to have realized Jack
would be insatiable and it wasn't as if Jack deliberately hurt him.
He was simply sore from too much sex. Which, under different
circumstances would not have been a bad thing. Jack had just been
more persistent in getting his way than Tom had been in denying
him. That was something the Commander didn't understand. Chakotay
was probably a pure vanilla and woman-only kind of guy. He was
probably more into naked emotions than naked skin. Rough sex was
something "other" people did and only in dark shadows. For Tom it
was as natural as breathing; there had always been a "rough"
sometimes violent side to sex even when he was younger. A
dangerous edge of excitement to it from those first hasty fondlings in
his room during Admiralty dinner parties to stolen moments in the
back of his father's shuttle.

It was one of the reason he'd thought it would last with B'Elanna.
Wild Klingon sex didn't scare him. He could let B'Elanna free her
Klingon instincts without fear. But in the end it hadn't been
enough, for either of them. He wondered sometimes how Harry was
dealing with it. It hurt, almost physically sometimes, not having
Harry to talk to anymore. At night especially. He could always comm
Harry at any time, day or night when the need struck him, but those
moments in the dark, when he reached for the badge even as he
remembered he no longer had the right hurt the most. His hand would
stop only millimeters away and he'd sit there staring at it until
the pain and the shaking stopped.

At first he didn't give Harry and B'Elanna a week, but they were
still together. Then, he'd been afraid Harry would try to tame
B'Elanna's spirit, repress the Klingon for the human aspects in her
personality. It hurt to think of all the natural power and energy
chained but three weeks into their relationship Harry had come to
the Bridge proudly displaying a Klingon lovebite. Granted, he was
blushing to the roots of his hair, but there he stood defiant and
proud, certainly not Mama Kim's little boy any more. There was
more to Harry Kim the man than any of them had suspected.

You just never knew.

---

Midway through the Alpha shift Chakotay sent Tom a request to report
to his office once he was done securing his station. Tom had been
his old self, but even so the Bridge had been tense. Not even
Tom's terrible quips had done much to alleviate the tension.
Several times Chakotay had caught Janeway, Kim, and even Wildman
gazing at the back of Tom's head with undisguised concern. Only Tom
and Tuvok seemed oblivious to the atmosphere. If anything Tom was
overly jovial, overly outrageous as if to compensate. He was even
prompt in reporting to Chakotay's cabin.

"You wanted to see me Commander?"

"Come in Tom."

For a moment they stood in awkward silence. Tom smoothed his hands on
his uniform and fixed his gaze on the floor.

"Thanks Chakotay for yesterday. I really appreciated what you did."

"Tom, I'd like to talk to you about that. . ."

"Commander . . ."

"I have no right to interfere in your personal affairs."

"I sense a large 'but' coming."

"But as a friend and as your superior officer, what I saw yesterday
concerns me." Chakotay kept his voice neutral, his posture
relaxed. Though he hid it well Tom was clearly agitated. His eyes
kept darting about the room while his fingers teased with the
fabric of his uniform.

"I'm fine Chakotay. Like I said, things simply got out of hand."

"Tom, please. I've seen how Feeney treats you."

"Seen how Commander?" Tom's eyes snapped to Chakotay's face and his
fingers stilled. The temperature of the room seemed to suddenly
chill.

"I came across the two of you one night on the quai."

Tom spoke her name with a mixture of exasperation and reproach.
"Sandrine."

"Has nothing to do with this, I was studying your program and heard a
sound. When I went to investigate I saw Feeney pin you against
the bridge, kiss you, then the two of you . . ." Chakotay
stopped, his face reddening.

Tom folded his arms against his chest. His eyes pinning Chakotay with
their gaze. "Get your kicks watching Big Man?" he whispered.

Chakotay didn't answer. To his shame he had gotten off watching them
or to be more honest watching Tom. "Tom, Feeney was using you and
he hit you and then the other night . . ."

"Chakotay, I can't believe I'm going to say this to you. But I owe you
for what you did. Jack likes sex a bit rough and sometimes so do I.
It makes me forget. Maybe we went a bit too far, it won't happen
again."

"Tom there is a difference between mutual 'rough' sex and abuse.
Feeney crossed that line."

"I think I'm the one to draw that line."

"Tom please."

"Listen, I appreciate what you are trying to do but Chakotay,
honestly, it's none of you business. I know you all mean well.
You, Neelix, Meg, and Jenny, even Sandrine but I know what I'm
doing. I'm a big boy I can take care of myself." Tom had both hands
on Chakotay's desk now, he leaned forward, his voice hard.

Desperate Chakotay played his last card. "You do know Jack has a
history?"

"And so do I Commander. I wouldn't pair someone like Harry with Jack,
but I can handle it. I have a damn sight more experience in these
matters than any of you and can judge for myself. I can't see why
you people won't admit that I know what I'm doing. I'll admit
that the other night I let things get too far. It won't happen
again. I promised the Captain and no one breaks a promise to the
Captain."

Tom was trying to lighten the mood, but Chakotay wanted none of it.
"What I saw could easily qualify as sexual misconduct. Not to
mention insubordination for striking you."

Tom released the desk and stepped away. He drew himself up to his full
height and looked down at Chakotay with a mixture of anger and
disdain. "And may I point out again," he said softly, "that it's
none of your damn business Chakotay. Thanks again for the other day
Commander. Now if you'll excuse me."

Before Chakotay could stop him, Tom was gone from the room.

It was a good thing, Chakotay mused, that he had a store of
replicator rations, as the antique bowl lying shattered across the
room had been one of his favorites.

---

Harry Kim was heading to Chakotay's quarters when Tom Paris exited
them pushing past him as if a horde of demons were at his heels.
Almost immediately following Tom's departure came a resounding
crash from inside.

For a moment Harry considered turning back, then remembering why he
was there, resolutely entered the still open cabin door. The story
on Voyager was that Chakotay was rarely angered, that he
channeled all his strong emotions including passion into the spirit
world. In some ways he could be colder and more impassive than
Tuvok. The man in the cabin however, was very angry indeed, if one
could judge by the reddened face and clenched fists. The moment he
spotted Harry in the doorway, the Commander's aspect calmed as if
it had all been illusion.

"Yes, Harry? What can I do for you?" The Commander's voice wasn't
quite its usual calm even welcoming tones and his eyes kept
returning to the shattered bowl lying near the far wall,
obviously the source of the crash. He could come back, Chakotay was
obviously upset. But if he left now Harry knew he probably wouldn't
return. Stiffening his spine he voiced his request. "Permission to
speak freely, Commander."

"Of course Harry. Please come in." Dignity rapidly returning,
Chakotay ushered him into the office, away from the door and away
from the bowl.

"What the hell is going on Chakotay?"

"I'm not sure I understand you Mr. Kim."

"With Tom. Is he all right sir? I saw him leave just now, he seemed
angry."

For a moment Chakotay studied Harry. Do you really care, Ensign? he
thought. But that wasn't fair. Despite all the rumors, Harry had
not orchestrated the breakup of Voyager's most volatile couple.
B'Elanna herself had told him she'd only started to look at Harry
as more than a friend afterward. Sighing Chakotay shook his head.
"Honestly Harry, I'm not sure."

"Is it because of B'Elanna and me? Is that what's bothering him?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure."

"He's not going to do anything stupid, is he?" Nervously Harry voiced
his deepest fear.

Though staying with Feeney probably qualified as stupid Chakotay was
pretty sure that wasn't what Harry meant.

"No, I don't think so. Tom's gotten himself involved with
something/someone and there are issues he needs. . ."

"Damn it."

The crack against the wall this time was Harry's fist and it was
Chakotay's turn to jump.

"Are we back to that again? Is that what all this is about?"

"What do you mean by 'that' Harry?"

"Shit Chakotay." Running an agitated hand through his hair, Harry
paced the cabin with long angry strides. "You know, all this time I
was driving myself crazy and B'Elanna worrying herself sick that
Tom was hurt or depressed, that he might even do something rash.
And he's just taken up again with that asshole. I don't believe
it."

"Harry I'm not sure I . . ."

"I've heard the gossip Commander, but I didn't think Tom would be
stupid enough to take up with Jack again. You don't have to confirm
it, I can see it your face."

Chakotay sighed, he didn't want to break the confidences Tom had
shared with him but Harry might have some of the answers he
needed. Carefully he asked, "I take it Tom and Chief Feeney had a
previous relationship?"

"If you want to call it that. I don't know what to call it. They've
been on and again off again since a couple of months after we got
out here. And every time they're on again Tom exhausts himself.
It started one night at Sandrine's, I think they actually had sex
on the pool table. Tom could barely walk afterwards, it looked
like they had gone at it pretty heavy."

Chakotay didn't really want to know. He could guess pretty much how
'heavy' it had gotten.

"I've tried to tell Tom he could do better, but I guess Feeney's got
to be good since he keeps going back."

"What do you mean by better Harry?"

"Come on Chakotay, you've seen Feeney. Would you want to wake up next
to that?"

"Harry, of all people I would expect you to know better than to judge.
. ."

"I know, one ought not to judge by physical appearances but have you
actually talked to the guy? He's a complete Neanderthal, a
Philistine. He has absolutely no appreciation for music, beauty, or
other cultures. How he ever made it into Starfleet, I'll never
know. One night in the mess we were discussing the Kenabian system.
I was trying to explain the singing plains to Neelix and you know
what Feeney said?"

"I . . ."

"He said. . ." Harry paced, clearly still agitated by the memory, "He
said the plains were a waste of land that could be better put to
use by creatinga Risa-like complex since there wasn't a decent
brothel in the sector for 20 light years. Do you believe that! A
Federation treasure, one of the only naturally occurring instances
of pure multiple harmonic pitch and he wants to convert it to a
brothel!"

Harry was right of course. It was a disgraceful statement but it was
still refreshing to be reminded how young Harry still was.

"I'm afraid I lost it and told Feeney in no uncertain terms exactly
what I thought of him. I also told Tom that if he wanted to fuck,
excuse my language Commander, but I can't see other describe
having sex with that man, Feeney that was his business but I did
not want to be a part of it. I didn't want to hear about it,
discuss it, or even know about it. Tom is on his own here. I told
him he could do better and if he didn't want to listen, it was his
problem. When he started seeing B'Elanna seriously, I thought it was
over. Now you tell me he's gone back to Jack. Well, that's his
choice. I am not going to feel guilty over that. I felt bad enough
that Tom and B'Elanna didn't work out after I pushed them together,
I felt even worse when I started to feel more for B'Elanna that
just friendship, but I am sure not going to beat myself because Tom
Paris can't spend a night alone and has taken up again with Feeney.
If Tom is lonely, there any number of people on this crew willing
to share his bed. If he's with Jack it's his choice." Kim was
obviously agitated, words and spittle flying heedlessly from his
lips.

"Harry. . ."

"Commander, please. We might have been OK, Tom, B'Elanna, and I
with everything that happened. I think we could have worked it out
between us. But everybody had to get into the act. Everybody had
their own interpretation, reasons, fingers to blame. 'B'Elanna
dumped Tom', 'Tom dumped B'Elanna", Harry stole his best friend's
girl', 'poor Tom all alone'. It got so bad B'Elanna started to
believe the gossip. Believed that Tom was alone, broken, and
putting up a brave front. If you think her anger is hot, try guilt
Commander. You know how insecure she really is. Tom did a lot to help
that, but it all came crashing down in the weeks after. There were
days she didn't even want to report for duty. It took me the
longest time to convince her that she had nothing to feel guilty
about, that these things happen, and that maybe she and Tom just
didn't work out through nobody's fault. Then Tom missed his shift
yesterday and she was terrified he was depressed and had done/would
do something stupid. Half of Astrometrics has him on a suicide
watch like some damn Romeo. Now you tell me he missed a shift because
of Feeney, excuse me if I am not too sympathetic."

"Harry, you mentioned that Feeney is a rather rough customer. Have you
ever speculated that perhaps Tom was," Chakotay paused trying to
phrase his words delicately, "in over his head."

"Chakotay, I've been through the Feeney ride a couple of times. Tom is
a Starfleet officer and a grown man. If he continues to see Feeney,
it's his choice. No one else's. Tom likes sex with a edge on it,
you've seen what happens when he goes on shore leave. He always
picks the women with the most jealous and dangerous husbands or
irate fathers. Maybe he likes risk, maybe he's afraid of
commitment, so he assails the unassailable. That might have been
what first attracted him to B'Elanna, the thought he could never
get her. I don't know. All I know is that every once in a while he
hooks up with Feeney, and it gets hot and heavy and then . . ."
Harry turned away finishing abruptly, as if suddenly aware he may
have said too much.

Obviously Harry knew more about Feeney than he did, but did Harry know
that Feeney sometimes needed to be stopped by force. Chakotay
didn't believe Harry would abandon Tom to that if he did know, no
matter how much their friendship had broken. Very carefully he
asked, "Harry, are you aware Feeney has a reputation?"

"I am aware of rumors and gossip Commander, and from what I know of
him, I'd believe it of him. But, there never have been any
charges filed, no investigations, no complaints logged. Feeney gave
the Maquis a bit of a rough time when you first came aboard. The
gossip is probably retaliation for that. If there were substance to
it, someone would have gone to Tuvok and filed a complaint.
Feeney's not well liked below decks Sir, and makes a convenient
target. Those sort of things don't happen anymore, especially not
on a Federation ship. I don't know about Maquis ships but if there
were a problem, someone would have said or done something long
before this. Now if you'll excuse me, B'Elanna should be about
finished Engineering."

As Harry Kim left the cabin Chakotay was left wondering when he had
gotten so old. At least with the double shifts in sickbay Paris
and Feeney would have no communal time for at least two weeks. That
gave him time to think. And maybe, he deluded himself, if he were
really lucky the situation would resolve itself.

---

Tom woke with a start as hands tugged off his sleep shorts.

"What the. . . ."

"Shhh, I only have twenty minutes. I'm suppose to be doing rounds on
Deck 12."

"Jack!"

"Shhh. Come on, lift your hips. That's it Baby." Jack slid the shorts
down  Tom's legs and tossed them.

"Won't somebody notice you're not doing rounds?"

"Nah, Gavin will cover for me." Jack dismissed the questions as he
climbed on  the bed and positioned himself between Paris' legs. His
hands ran up Paris'  thighs till they rested at the point where leg
met body, splaying there.

"Jack, I'm tired and I've got the early shift tomorrow. I really . ."

"I got some time now Baby, and I want play. Come on." That said, Jack
still  in uniform, moved to lie full on Tom and captured Tom's mouth
with his. His  tongue slid past Tom's teeth and began claiming Tom's
mouth with hungry  aggressive movements whilst roughly grinding his
pelvis into the body beneath  his. Tom parted his legs and shifted
beneath Jack, trying to ease the weight  pressing down on him.

Jack felt Paris writhe beneath him and groaned. It made him so fucking
hard  knowing this body was his for the taking. He'd planned this
little visit for  days and he was so damn horny, he'd been barely able
to complete the first  part to the shift. All day he dreamed of
fucking Paris, having Paris naked  beneath him writhing and helpless
as he drilled his hot hungry cock into him.  Of having Paris arch and
moan, taking whatever Jack gave him again and again  and again. Jack
felt his groin tighten and knew he'd ruin his uniform if he  wasn't
careful. With a groan he lifted himself from Paris and began undoing
his uniform.

Paris pushed at him. "Jack, no, I'm not ready, the lube. . .."

"S'okay Baby, I got some ready."

"Jack. . ."

"Come on Tommy, look what you do to me. I'm in agony here. I need
this."

Jack slid his uniform past his hips freeing his ready cock.

"Jack . . ."

"Turn over Baby, I'm ready for you. That's it."

Jack's hands gripped Paris, rolling him over despite his protests. He
moved  quickly to lie full on Paris, pressing him into the bed and
rubbing his  erection against the back of the Paris' thighs and ass.

"You feel me Baby? I need you bad."

Jack's hands reached under Tom at the waist and slid downward. One
circled at  the hips, while the other reach further to run thick
possessive fingers over  Tom's own penis. One tightened, the other
squeezed, forcing Tom up so that  his ass pressed hard into the
swollen cock.

"Can't wait for me to fuck you, can you Tommy? You need my dick up
your ass,  don't you?" Jack whispered the words as fingers now moved
to spread Paris  open and slid inward. "You want THIS." Jack pressed
forward, forcing his  thick, barely lubricated, cock into the
unwelcoming passage.

Paris groaned against the pain and twisted beneath him.

"Damn it, Jack." Paris' words came out in a hiss through his clenched
teeth.

"You're nice and tight Tommy. Just relax."

"No, Jack, not . . . " Tom's words were lost in a muffled cry as Jack
tighten  his grip and forced himself in.

"That's it Baby. Told you you could take it." Jack remained still for
several  moments, allowing Paris' body to adjust to the penetration,
and reveling in  the feel of warm blood coating him as the muscles
gripping him twitched at  the intrusion; rippling against him,
stimulating and milking his cock. As  his orgasm built, Jack began to
move, stoking the fire within him with slow,  steady strokes.

Beneath him Paris shifted, trying to easy the weight pressing on him.
Jack  moaned, and tightened his fingers in Paris hair. "You're so good
Tommy." As  his rhythm increased Jack began roughly fondling Paris'
cock.

"Yo, Jack. You in here?"

Paris' body stiffened under him as a voice called from the outer room.

"Shhh . . . It's just Gavin, Baby. I gave him the entry code in case
he  needed to get me." Jack rested a hand on the back of Tom's neck
messaging the  tensing muscles. "Relax. I'm almost there."

"You there Jack?"

"Go Away."

"Can't." Ensign Marcus Gavin replied easily as he entered into the
bedroom  only to catch Jack, his uniform crumpled about his thighs
shoving his dick in  and out the naked body of Voyager's chief
helmsman. "Well shit Jack!" he  breathed shaking his head in
amazement.

"What . . the . . fuck . . .do . . .want? Yes, just a bit more." Jack
grunted  focusing on Paris' arching spine and tight muscles there.

"Tuvok's looking for you Jack. He still thinks you're down on 12 since
that's  where your com is, but since you ain't answering hails he's
gone to check it  out. You got about 5 minutes before he gets to the
Jeffries tube you're  supposedly stuck in."

"Shit. . . . No, no, don't move Tommy. I'm almost there."

Oblivious of Gavin's interest or Paris' increasing discomfort, Jack
closed  his eyes and accelerated his thrusts, pumping his cock deeper
into the depths  of Paris' body. He felt the precum seep from the tip
as muscles closed tight  around him in a velvet caress, pulling him
deeper. He was close, so fucking  close, just a . . .Yes.

Jack surged forward, riding his orgasm, holding Paris still and
against him  while he shuddered and spilt himself.

As Gavin watched them with a speculative gaze, Tom felt Jack stiffen
above  him and empty himself. For a moment Jack was still then he
withdrew, the  withdrawal almost as painful as the insertion. Tom was
silent, swallowing the  whimper of pain that rose to his throat;
without Jack's bulk covering him he  was suddenly very exposed to
Gavin's eyes. The shorts Jack had tossed were  behind Gavin and short
of scrambling naked over the bed, there was nothing to  be done other
than to remain lying there nude, eyes focused on the sheets,  while
Gavin's eyes ran slowly over his body and semen and blood seeped from
his battered ass.

Still devouring Paris with his eyes, Gavin moved forward and reaching
down,  let his fingers brush Paris cheek and hair.

Tom flinched and a hard hand landed on Gavin's arm, gripping tight.

"I don't share Gav. Now let's go. That damn Vulcan is probably about
to find  my com any minute now."

Without a word or a backward glance, Jack hustled Gavin from the room
and  Tom's quarters.

For a long time Tom remained on the bed staring blankly at the sheets.
Something had changed about Jack, something he couldn't yet define.
For the  first time in a long time he was afraid.

---

Chakotay had just gotten out of the shower when the door chime rang.
Sighing  at the interruption, he wrapped a towel around his waist and
went to answer.

Tom was there. He looked awful. His hair was disheveled, his clothes a
mess,  and he looked like he hadn't slept. His eyes took in the towel
and wet hair.

"I'm sorry Commander, I shouldn't have troubled you. Sorry." he
mumbled, drifting away.

"Tom wait, come in please."

"I . . . really should go."

Paris looked nervous, stiff. More fragile than Chakotay had ever seen
him. A  chill settled over Chakotay. "Tom, is it Jack?" he asked
gently.

Tom looked away, chewed his lip and exhaled a ragged breath.

"Come in, please." Chakotay reached forward and taking Tom's arm
gently, led  him into the cabin. The man was trembling. Not as bad as
that morning in his  quarters but enough to send all the alarms off in
Chakotay's head. "Here, sit  down." Tom moved unresistingly into the
chair he provided. The blue eyes were  dull, almost vacant. Even
though he feared the answer, Chakotay had to ask.  "Can you tell me
what happened?"

Tom averted his face, whispering softly, almost as if he'd done
something  wrong. "Jack came to my cabin last night during his break."

Oh Sweet Spirits.

Carefully Chakotay knelt next to the chair and very slowly reached
forward,  taking Tom's two cold hands in his. Squeezing them lightly
he spoke using his  softest voice. "Tom, did he . . ?"

"No! We had sex. I didn't want to, but it wasn't what you're
thinking."

"Tom if you didn't want to then . . ."

'It's more complicated then that Chakotay. I let Jack fuck me. He
didn't  force me or anything, I just didn't stop him." Tom's voice was
flat, distant.

"Did you tell him you didn't want to?

"Yeah, but you know how it is?" Tom dismissed his own wishes with a
shrug.

No, I don't, he thought, but Chakotay didn't speak the thought out
loud.  Instead he inquired, "Tom why are you here?"

"I . . . I'm not sure really. There's something about Jack lately. I
didn't  want stay in my quarters any more, and I didn't want to go to
the mess and  Sandrine or Meg would blow it out of proportion, I don't
know. I just came  here. I . . ." Tom's voice was soft, more as if he
were talking to himself  than to someone else. Chakotay had to strain
to hear him but the message was  clear. With Harry no longer an
option, he really had no place else to go.

"Tom has Jack come to your quarters during his shifts before?"

"Not often, but a few times, yeah. I'll wake up and he'll be there
watching  me. Sometimes he's already naked, mostly he just wants me to
suck him off.  Last night he wanted a fuck."

Oh Spirits. "Tom you should have said something. Jack has no right to
let  himself into your cabin whenever he chooses."

Tom heard the anger building in Chakotay's voice. Hastily, he
interrupted,  "Chakotay it's ok, Jack and I, I mean, . . . Anyway it's
not like I see him  at any other time."

"Tom, Jack has no right to demand anything from you whenever he wants.
If you  want to give that's one thing, but he has no right to take.
You do understand  that, don't you?"

Tom looked at him, life returning slowly to his eyes. "Chakotay you
make me  sound like some innocent on a first date. I know what I'm
doing. Jack got in  because I gave him the entry code. I know the game
and how it's played."

"Tom, if you said no and Jack is forcing . . ."

"Chakotay, I know what I'm doing. Sex isn't always about gentleness,
sweet  words, love, and flowers. I knew that even before Auckland.
Some people like  it a little rough, with an edge, I wouldn't expect
you to understand."

"What do you mean I wouldn't understand?

"Come on Chakotay." Tom laughed "You? You're the consummate gentleman.
You're  every woman's dream lover, caring, gentle, considerate of
their feelings."

"Only women?"

"I'm sorry Commander, but do you seriously expect me to believe you've
ever  even been with a man."

Oddly Chakotay felt rather affronted. "I'm sorry to disappoint you
Tom, but  if you'd bothered to check the notches in my bed post, you'd
find a few men  on there."

"Sorry. It's just . . . ."

"Tom you said Jack different lately did something different happen
last  night? Something not usual."

"Yeah. I think Jack was different but maybe it's just me. I don't
know.  Suddenly I felt cheap, dirty. It was like I didn't matter. I
know Jack wants  my body not me, it's not like he ever said he cared
about me. But when I with  him everything else disappears, it's just
his body and mine and sex. But last  night it was different, it felt
like he hated me, despised me for letting him  come to me." Tom tried
to explain the feeling without mentioning Gavin.  Sharing that tidbit
would undoubtedly land him in the middle of sexual  misconduct
proceedings. Strange, though, it wasn't Jack giving Gavin his  entry
codes that bothered him the most. Until recently, Jack never spoke in
their encounters. He merely came, took what he wanted, and left. Now
he used  words as well as his body. And with the words had come
something else.  Something 'mean'. The game had changed. It had
changed in some way Tom  couldn't define or explain and that, more
than anything, had sent him  wandering the halls ultimately finishing
before Chakotay's cabin. He just  couldn't explain that to Chakotay so
he tried voicing it in terms the  Commander might understand. "No
matter what Jack and I did, I was in control.  I could stop Jack if I
really wanted to, I just never wanted to."

Somehow Chakotay doubted it, "But last night?"

"I can't explain it. It was different. I felt something Chakotay, and
it made  me uneasy."

That feeling was fear, Chakotay was fairly certain, but it was the
phrase, 'I  just never wanted to' that echoed in his mind, gnawing at
him.

Denial! Suddenly it was as clear as a Dagarian sun, making horrible
sense and  he wondered how could he have been so blind. The mother of
all coping  mechanism, probably started when Tom was a child.
Overshadowed by a  domineering father and the all important Paris
name, Tom probably never had  any control over his life, his friends,
his time. As the last of the Parises,  Tom's whole life had been
mapped out for him from the moment the doctor told  his mother she was
pregnant. So he accepted that the choices forced upon him  as his, it
was either that or face his complete helplessness and lack of  value
as an individual to the people who should have loved and cared for
him.  Their choices were justified as his choices.

Kathryn had told him once that the Admiral never acknowledged fear or
weakness, so Tom had learned to handle fear and helplessness by
denying their  existence. By deciding to accept responsibility and a
part in what was  happening into him, Tom could justify away fear,
vulnerability, helplessness.  It was always ok as long as he allowed
it to happen. It would explain a lot.  Tom's extreme love of flying,
probably his only solo, independent activity  growing up; his lack of
self worth; his almost seemingly desperate need to go  on every rescue
mission; perhaps even the aftermath of Caldik Prime.

What was terrifying was that this behavior had carried over into
adulthood  ingrained to a point that Tom would justify sexual abuse
and/or rape as a  viable choice. For the first time, it made him
wonder what kind of hell Tom's  life before the Maquis and later
Auckland had been, that he could accept  Feeney's attention so easily.

Apparently he must have been silent a long time. Paris was staring at
him  rather nervously. Chakotay forced a smile on his face and
squeezed the hands  he still held. "Relax, let me get dressed and I'll
order you some tea and  we'll think this through."

As he dressed Chakotay could hear Tom wandering idly through the main
part of  his quarters. Tom was back in the chair blushing guiltily
when Chakotay  returned dressed with a tea tray.

"What now Chakotay?"

"First we change your codes. We'll use my clearance. Jack can't break
that.  Then we'll talk to Tuvok."

"Tuvok? Chakotay I don't think it's necessary to go . . ."

"Yes, Tuvok." Chakotay knelt before Tom and gently placed a cup of hot
tea in  his still cold hands. "Tom, Jack apparently has a long history
on this ship  of pressing his intentions on people. And most have been
too intimidated by  him and by going to Tuvok to file a complaint.
Jack will continue doing this  until someone tells him he can't. I
know you say you can handle Jack, but  what if he takes up with
somebody like Wildman or Gerron or Nicoletti? There  are no complaints
on his record because most people don't want to go through  Tuvok. I
know Tuvok doesn't scare you."

Tom closed his eyes a moment and drew in a ragged breath. Very slowly,
he  nodded. "All right Chakotay, call in the Vulcan."

Ten minutes later, Chakotay was wishing he hadn't.

"Lieutenant, if you wish to level charges against Chief Feeney, I will
need  to make a record of the specifics including times, locations,
and the  specifics of the acts committed."

"Tuvok is all that really necessary? Wouldn't a simple statement
suffice?"

"These are serious charges Commander. If an official complaint is made
Commander, I will need to investigate it. As Mr. Paris and the Chief
are in a  relationship . . ."

"Tuvok, Tom never said . .

"Commander, it is well known on the ship that Mr. Paris and Chief
Feeney have  on several occasions engaged in sexual acts. On occasion,
close enough to  public spaces to nearly warrant a reprimand. If you
do not choose to  categorize that as a relationship, that is up to
you, however for the  purposes of an investigation, it will be deemed
so." As always, Tuvok's voice  was impassive, logical, and his
conclusions unchallengeable. There was no  judgment or censure, either
in his tone or words, but in them Chakotay heard  the nails hammering
into the coffin of his hopes.

"Chakotay," Tom's voice was soft, almost apologetic. "Please don't.
It's not  a big deal. I can handle it."

"Tom, Jack is abusing his powers as a member of Security at the very
least.  He has no right to compel you do anything you don't want to. I
think you need  to get this down on record. . ."

"Chakotay, I'm not sure. An official complaint? Maybe I didn't make
things  clear. Like Tuvok said, Jack and I have a past, maybe Jack
took things for  granted. Let me talk with Jack first before we start
putting things on  record."

"Tom."

"Please Chakotay. It's not like Jack did anything wrong really. Maybe
I just  feel different about him that's all and didn't make it clear."

Chakotay knew he'd lost. Damn Feeney, damn Tuvok and his perfectly
correct  logic, and damn Paris for giving in. Though the latter wasn't
entirely fair.  He caught Tuvok's eye and motioned for the Vulcan to
step away out of Tom's  hearing.

"I am at a loss Commander as to what my presence here will accomplish.
Since  Lt. Paris does not want to file charges, there is not much I
can do."

"Fine Tuvok, just do me a favor. Change Mr. Paris' door codes to my
authorization level and set up and internal alert, my comm only, when
Feeney  and Tom are within 20 feet of each other."

"Commander, the latter action is contrary to regulations and could be
construed as a violation of the crew's free right to . . ."

"Tuvok, do you acknowledge that there is a problem?"

"I will agree Commander, that there is the appearance of a situation."

If that was all he was going to get, Chakotay would work with it.
"Then as de  facto ship's counselor accept my recommendation that Mr.
Paris is incapable  of dealing with it effectively. And it is because
of Mr. Paris that I am  recommending the monitoring not, Chief
Feeney."

"The result, Commander, is the same. However," Tuvok held up a hand to
still  to silence the protest rising to Chakotay's lips. "I am not
unaware of the  potential for emotional manipulation among humans. I
will authorize the  alert. It will be recorded in my private logs
only. Not even the Captain will  be aware of its existence. Is that
acceptable?"

"Yes, Tuvok. Thank you."

"Very well. It will take effect within the hour. Commander." With a
nod  Tuvok was gone.

"Well?" Tom asked from the other room.

"Everything is being taken care of. There won't be any reports, but I
don't  want you to see Feeney Tom. At least not right away. I think
you need some  time to think before you talk to him. Ok?"

Paris nodded slowly

"Tom, I'm serious. I think you need a break from Jack to think things
over  clearly. I don't think you should see him, just send him a
message that you  need some time. "

If anything that would probably anger Jack, but as it seemed he didn't
have  many options Tom nodded. Right now it was easier to let the
Commander take  control. "So now what?"

"First I finish dressing, then we change your codes, and then we take
our  lives in our hands and see what delicacy Neelix has created for
breakfast."

"I heard he was trying the Voraain egg remoulade again."

"Urgh, you're replicating me breakfast Paris."

"Is that an order Sir ?"

"Yes Lieutenant it is. And I'm feeling rather peckish this morning."

"Is that wise Commander? Your uniforms seem a bit tight of late." Tom
smiled,  his infamous impudence slowly returning.

"Shut up Paris, else you'll be buying me dinner as well."

---

That night after a sumptuous dinner hosted by Paris' replicator
credits  Chakotay went to see Sandrine. The bar was nearly empty. He
took his old  seat. The one from which he had first observed Tom and
Jack.

"Well, mon ami?" Sandrine slid in next to him. She was expecting good
news.  He hated to tell her how he had failed.

"We made a mistake Sandrine."

"What 'appened?"

"I reordered the shifts as we discussed and things got rough. Tom
missed the  start of his shift and when I went to see to him I found
him bruised and in  shock. He'd spent the night with Jack and he was
obviously in pain,  frightened, and he was still bleeding."

"Merde. What did you do?"

"I cleaned him up a bit, used the regenerator, and put him to bed. I
tried to  get him to talk about Feeney but he keeps insisting it was
just rough sex  that got out of hand. I didn't know what to do. The
Captain put him on double  shifts which meant he wouldn't see Feeney
for a least two weeks. I found out  this morning Feeney has been
coming to his cabin during shifts. Tom came to  me this morning. I
think Feeney all but raped him but he won't admit it or  press
charges."

"That would be admitting he can't handle this and I do not think he is
ready  for that."

"I can't see that I am doing any good here Sandrine."

"You are doing fine mon ami. I never said it would be easy or quick.
Just be  there for Tom. Spend time with him wean him away from Fe'nay
slowly. Show him  he does not need to forget or give in. Show him what
true strength is."

"Sandrine, there are issues here I'm not qualified to deal with. I
could be  doing more harm than good." This was moving too fast for
him. Once he got rid  of Feeney then what? There were long term issues
here not in the least his  own feelings. He was attracted to Paris,
he'd admit that. He'd even come to  like the pilot as a friend and
fellow officer. He had respect for him, but  more? Chakotay didn't
know. Maybe, but Paris was a long term emotionally  rocky commitment,
that beautiful body came with a lot of baggage. B'Elanna  freely had
admitted to him she couldn't handle it, but then she had her own  as
well. Torres and Paris together had enough baggage to ground a large
shuttle craft. Did he want to get involved with that? If he didn't
he'd have  to back out quickly, now, before he did serious damage.

"You care for Thomas, non?" Sandrine watched him her eyes serious, sad
almost.

"I'll admit that I am attracted to him sexually, but you know that.
I've  come to care for his as a friend, yes. As to more I don't know.
I don't think  he's ready for more at the moment."

"Then you are qualified." She said simply, dismissing his fears. "You
must  show Thomas he does not need Feeney in his life."

"How Sandrine?"

"Tell me Commander how are you at surfing?"

---

"Have I told you recently how much I hate you Chakotay?"

"Jealous, Paris?"

"In your dreams, Chief. Here comes one."

"I'll take it."

Tom grinned good naturedly and rolled his eyes. "I've created a
monster."

"Watch and learn, Mr. Paris. Watch and learn."

And then Chakotay was gone, his board expertly catching the edge of
the wave  as he surfed his way to shore. The man was a natural,
cutting and slicing  through the water with grace and power. It was
impossible to believe the  Commander had never even seen a surfboard
much less ridden one until three  weeks ago. At first the Commander
had been dubious, staring at the board as  though it would bite and at
Tom, like the lieutenant had lost his mind. It  had taken Tom an hour
to get the man onto the board and into the open ocean.  An hour spent
positioning Chakotay on the board, guiding his arms and legs,  and
reassuring him that this was not some elaborate plan on Tom's part to
cancel out the life debt. An hour in which Tom learned exactly how
well  muscled and toned the Commander's body was.

Tom had not expected to have fun. He had agreed to show the Commander
the  surfing program simply because he could figure no way to politely
refuse the  offer of friendship. Spending time with Chakotay also
helped keep his mind  off Jack. At first the messages had been
plaintive. Then once Jack discovered  he couldn't override the door
codes, the notes became angry, resentful. The  last had been vaguely
threatening. Tom hadn't told Jack why he changed his  codes nor had he
answered any of the notes, simply deleting them from the  padd after
he'd read them. He knew he'd have to deal with Jack one day and he
probably should have done so before but it had been so easy to let
Chakotay  take charge. Usually he and Jack drifted apart naturally,
with no hard  feelings on either side. Obviously, Jack hadn't been
ready to drift, and now  he felt he'd been dumped for the Commander
and he was angry. Tom couldn't  blame Jack, but that didn't mean he
wanted to deal with him. He hadn't told  Chakotay about the notes,
preferring to spend their off-time together  enjoying the sun and the
surf.

He'd tried surfing with Harry, but Harry had never gotten the feel for
the  ocean and constantly wiped out. It hadn't help that Harry was not
a great  swimmer. But Chakotay, Chakotay could swim, and once he got
his balance on  the board that was it. Quickly something formed
between them, something Tom  had never anticipated, friendship. An
easy camaraderie based on friendly  competition. Chakotay was a quick
learner and very competitive, more so than  Tom actually. With Harry,
Tom had always held back from doing his all out  best. Harry didn't
compete, not with his friends. Their times together had  been mutual
pleasure in a shared activity, the joy of friendship and being
together outweighing anything else. To Harry, Tom had always been the
better.  so there was no point in pushing the matter. Tom in turn had
held back from  pushing his own limits.

Chakotay on the other hand, never conceded anything to him. He made
Tom work  to be the better and never held it against Tom when he was
bested. Tom also  discovered that off-duty the Commander had a wicked
sense of humor, a  beautiful smile, the tightest buns this side of
Alpha Quadrant, and an ego  even stronger than Tom's. Tom had been
escalating the wave levels steadily  over the weeks and they had
reached a point where he was challenged by the  difficulty level.
Besting the Commander was an achievement, which was why Tom  opted to
try for the large irregular wave. Successfully riding it would give
him bragging rights for weeks.

The moment he hooked into it, Tom knew he botched the entry. He was
too low,  there was no way he could successfully complete the run. He
was going to  wipe, but not he vowed until he held it as long as
possible.

Chakotay watched him from the shore, his stance ridged, knowing what
was  coming.

Tom did his best, better than even he thought possible, but the in the
end,  the wave overtook him and both he and his board disappeared in a
curtain of  crushing water.

For several long minutes Chakotay prowled the shore scanning the
churning  surf, until the sea spit a bedraggled, dazed, and bloody
Paris onto the shore.

Running, Chakotay was at Tom's side immediately.

"Spirits, Tom are you all right?"

Tom coughed, spitting out the sea water. He leaned a heavy hand on
Chakotay's  leg. "Yeah. I'm fine. I think the board glanced off my
head."

"You're bleeding, lean back and let me . . ."

"I'm fine."

"Tom, let me see it. Please."

Done in by the tone of Chakotay's voice Tom nodded and lay back on the
sand.  Very gently Chakotay smoothed the hair back from Tom's
forehead. There was a  small bruised gash darkening near the hairline,
but already the flow of blood  has stemmed.

"Well doctor? Will the patient live?"

"You have a hard head Paris." Smiling Chakotay found himself brushing
the  hair gently from Tom's face, then tracing the hairline, stroking
the still  damp cheek.

Turning his face into the hand, Tom nuzzled it softly, nipping lightly
at the  salty fingers. Breathing deeply Tom raised his eyes to
Chakotay's face. What  he saw there made his groin tighten.

Desire swirled in the indigo depths of Tom's eyes, drawing Chakotay
in. Tom's  breath was warm and sweet on his face. Slowly Chakotay
lowered his lips to  Tom's, brushing them lightly. As their lips
touched, Tom's part slightly.  Pressing harder, Chakotay deepened the
kiss, his tongue tentatively entering  Tom's mouth. When Tom didn't
pull away, Chakotay began stoking the inside of  Tom's mouth,
exploring the welcoming warmth.

Tom groaned into Chakotay's mouth and reaching up, pulled the
Commander onto him.

The shock was electric. Every inch of Chakotay's body was pressing
into Tom,  skin against skin, chest, hips, legs, the wet trunks little
barrier between  them. Almost frantically, Chakotay's hands roamed
down Tom's sides sliding  beneath the swim trunks. He reveled in the
contrast between their skin tones,  in the feel of the fine golden
hairs on Tom's thighs, arms, chest as they  brushed against him. His
hands and lips burned a trail over Tom's body. This  was what he had
wanted since that first night on the quai. Tom under him, his  for the
taking. He needed to possess Tom, ravish him, plunder his beautiful
body and mark it as his. Beneath him Tom writhed and moaned, arching
into him  and pressing a growing erection against his own. Tom was as
responsive under  his hands and Voyager was under Tom's, and with
little effort, he could  probably kiss the man to orgasm.

"Fuck me Chakotay."

Tom's eyes were raw with need, a need more than physical. A need for
something more tangible than Chakotay was sure he could or wanted to
supply.  It was as if he was looking into to Tom's naked soul and it
brought him up  short. It would be wrong. To take Tom without being
sure. Wrong for both of  them. He was here to help Tom, not use him;
and to take him without knowing  his own feelings would be using. He
would not satisfy his physical lust at  the cost of Tom's fragile
psyche.

"No." With Herculean effort Chakotay rolled himself off Tom.

"What!?"

"I said no. Not now. It's a mistake."

"What the hell to you mean mistake?"

"For both of us."

"It sure as hell wasn't a mistake for me Chief. And you were pretty
much into  it yourself."

"No. Tom it would be a mistake, for you and me. I'm not looking for a
one  nighter in the sand . . ."

"And I'm not good enough for something more. Is that what you are
saying  Chakotay?"

"That's not what I meant." Chakotay said it quickly, trying to stem
the  bitterness creeping into Tom's voice.

"Sure it isn't." Tom snorted.

"Tom, I'm supposed to be helping you, not fucking you. A counselor . .
."

"Counseling! Is this what all of this is about?" Tom looked at him,
the  bitterness suddenly replaced by something else, something worse.
"Oh Shit.  Stupid Paris, of course it is. Why wouldn't it be? I
forgot, why would  anybody voluntarily want to be with me? To get in
good with my Admiral  father, to get free drinks at the bar, to get a
stupid and easy lay, or a  quick rough fuck, access to the best women
on the ship, or brownie points  with the Captain for straightening out
her 'pet project'. Or maybe you just  get off playing with people's
heads since so many aliens seem to like playing  with yours."

"Tom, I . . ."

"Shut up Chakotay. Damn you for doing this to me." His voice almost
cracking,  Tom flung himself from Chakotay's outstretched hand and
scrambled to his  feet. "You want to know something big guy. At least
Jack never lied to me. He  may not have cared what I wanted, but he
never fucking lied to me. I always  knew where I stood with him, what
he wanted from me. And that's a damn sight  more than I can say for
anyone else on this ship. Computer end program."

The seascape paradise disappeared, leaving them alone.

"Computer delete . . ."

"Tom, don't."

"Computer, delete program Paris-Alpha Kauai 10. All subroutines and
matrices."

"Please reconfirm deletion authorization."

"Tom, please. . . "

"Authorization Paris Alpha Vector Pi."

"Program has been erased."

"Thanks for your help Chakotay. I don't think we'll need any more
counseling  sessions."

Helpless Chakotay bowed his head and let Tom go. Had there been
bitterness or  anger in the tone of Tom's voice, he could have dealt
with it, but there was  only a cold, flat, emptiness. An emptiness
reflected in eyes more grey than  blue. The eyes of a stranger. The
cold eyes of the man from Caldik Prime back  from the grave.

It was a chill not even a cup of hot, plain, tomato soup would break.

---

The End