The BLTS Archive - The Pride of Lions
Part Four
by Blue Champage (rowan-shults@sbcglobal.net)

---
SIXTEEN:
"She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was
the best damn woman that I ever seen--God the walls were shakin', the
earth was quakin', my mind was breakin'--and we were makin' it"

AC/DC
---

Door chime.

"Come in if you're not squeamish," came Kashi's voice.

Ezri stepped into the room. Kashi was sitting on the coffee table,
putting cushions back on the sofa. Ezri said "Hi, where's Julie?"

"He left for Julian's quarters about an hour ago. If you're wise, you
won't check on him until tomorrow."

"Sage advice. I'd help, but you've cleaned the place up, mostly.
Though I notice there are quite a few frangibles missing."

"And I'm not going to replace them with more. This stay's been pretty
damn physical so far. Next me and Julie will get into it over Paelan
raider design specs and knock everything off the walls, too,
probably."

"How was he when he left?"

"He had a semipermanent grin, like the one I'm wearing," Kashi said.
"If you've got a few minutes, would you help me with my hair?"

"Sure, where's your brush?"

"In there--you'll be glad to know I already got the food out of it.
With our dodging ability, stuff hit the walls a lot more often than it
did us." Kashi got up and went to the bedroom; Ezri followed. Kashi
picked up a brush from the bedside table and, reaching for another,
said "I'll take this half." She roughly divided her hair and started
in on the mass she'd pulled over her left shoulder. Ezri stood behind
her and began.

"How are you getting along with the O'Briens?" Ezri asked.

"Great. Miles is being totally huggable about this whole thing, stays
with the kids and stuff so Keiko and I can pal around. They also have
friends who don't mind looking after Molly and Yoshi. I really wish I
could meet them, but I don't want to screw with their heads."

"Yes, Molly's very bright, but even she's still a little young to
understand about quantum realities." Kashi's hair was being very
co-operative; the strands were heavy and straight, didn't take a lot
of effort to detangle. "Are you going to need help getting your
arsenal reinstalled?"

"No, but I could use a little help with my arse. Julie fights sort of
dirty."

"That's what Julian says, too." Speaking of that small,
muscular--*ahem* Ezri drug her attention back up to Kashi's hair. "Can
I ask a personal question?"

"Sure."

"You and Julie don't seem to have much in the way of body modesty.
Julie does to some degree, but you..."

"Um...no, we don't, much, for several reasons, but you may have
noticed it tends to be mostly...oh, waist up. We...like to have our
arms and necks and shoulders and suchlike free." She said it very
quietly.

Ezri murmured "You don't want to talk about it, do you."

"I don't see what it would accomplish, except to make me have to think
about some nasty crap that was over by the time I was thirteen years
old. And when Julie was eleven. And hey, anyway, we do know better
than to run around naked in company, you know."

"That much is obvious. I was just curious; neither your culture nor
Julie's, on our side, is very easy about skin, except in certain
circumstances."

"Keiko is."

"She is with *you*," Ezri pointed out. "I think I've got you mostly
combed out. Where's your static brush? I'll make sure it's straight."

"Static brush?"

"It uses an electrical charge to sort the hair strands and make them
hold the shape you want. Also to keep a static charge that can shock
you from building up when you brush. Should I replicate you one?"

"Please."

Ezri went and did so, returned with it, and saw that Kashi was in
front of the dressing mirror with her hair pulled over her shoulders
on both sides. "Let me try," she said, holding out her hand for the
brush.

A moment later: "Hey, this thing *rocks*!"

"Huh?"

"Sorry. It's smokin'."

"One more time."

"It's cool?"

"Oh, Vic uses that one. Yeah, I appreciated them too when I had long
hair."

"Let me just..." She clasped the mass with her weighted clip without
bothering to braid or reinstall her arsenal.

"Is all that slang you use from the twentieth century?"

"Most of it, I think. I encountered a derelict with a small library;
the Terran material was all from the twentieth century. It was the
only sizable concentration of Terran art or information I've seen. I
went through all of it in a few weeks. I have to admit that even
though--since I was sold--well, I've never been to Earth...but I kind
of like the music." She smirked. Ezri wondered, but Kashi didn't
explain further. Instead she wandered over to plop onto the bed.

"I haven't found any other reference material on Earth culture since,
until I came here. The Alliance controls everything you can get to
easily. Terran history, artifacts, old recorded material of any
kind...the culture's decimated. I know how many cultures the Terran
Empire did that to before they were overthrown...I still can't help
but think it's not right."

"It's never right. You know the Bajoran culture in this universe was
treated similarly by the Cardassians. It's major news when any sort of
cultural find is made."

"Mm. Well...looonng day," Kashi said. "Join me?" She flopped onto her
back and patted the bed next to her. "We haven't had a good cuddle
since sharing a bunk on Julie's warp raider. With you using that
shredded-up diaphanous thing for nightgown."

"And you in a pair of shorts."

"Hey. I could've gone naked."

"I'll let you get to sleep," Ezri smiled.

Kashi sat back up. "Oh, be a sport. After the day I've had? I need to
chat with my friendly neighborhood counselor. "

"Mm, I dunno," Ezri considered, still smiling, "you've got that look
on your face again."

"You're not mad about all that, are you? I couldn't have dropped you,
even drunk."

Ezri tried to frown, but laughed instead. "No. It was fun. Not," she
added defensively, "that I want you to do it again." The smile crept
back.

"Of *course* not."

Ezri eyed her, then sat down. Kashi scooped her into her own lap. Ezri
raised a scolding eyebrow at her.

"Hey, don't blame *me*, your eyes were saying yessssss," Kashi
informed her, grinning, and rolled them both over on the bed, lying
over Ezri, pinning her not-very-forcefully to the mattress.

Ezri was giggling. "You will *not* take no for an answer! You're like
a springball, it's impossible to swat you away hard enough that you
don't come back!"

"Why thank you, though you have to admit your swats felt more like
getting tickled with a feather," Kashi said, nuzzling her ear, causing
a flush to run through Ezri. All that warm golden skin, the soft,
smooth body, finely shaped breasts pressing against her own, moist
breath on her neck...oh, no. Jadzia, Curzon, Torias, Lela, Tobin...was
there *anybody* in there who *didn't* want this beautiful little
creature?

Belying her next words, her hands came up to slide over the silkiness
of Kashi's back and shoulders caressingly. "Please, get *off*, Kashi,
I'm getting interested, and you know I have professional standards.
You're sort of a patient."

"I'm not a patient, Julie's the patient, I'm just along for the ride.
Besides, I won't tell."

"Julian should have taken lessons from you," Ezri giggled. "Jadzia--or
anyone else, practically--wouldn't ever have wound up lying under
*him*, even as persistent as he was. What *is* it about you? I saw you
with Leeta the other night--did you two..."

"We made eyes and flirted. She's adorable, either side of the quantum
barrier. But she's married here..." Kashi sighed.

"Is that the only criterion you have? 'Is she married'?"

"Now you're starting to get somewhere if you want to turn me off. Of
course it isn't." She leaned down to Ezri's ear again. "Far more
importantly comes 'Does she knock my socks off'? Sure, I like to turn
on the charm, Ezri. But I'm only this determined with a few." She
pressed down close along Ezri's body, straddling, rubbing sinuously
against her. Ezri sighed and began rubbing back, her arms going tight
around Kashi's waist to hold them together as they moved, but she kept
the repartee going. Or Jadzia did, she wasn't sure.

"I'll be flattered, then, but..."

"C'mon. One kiss. Mm, you feel good...one little kiss."

"You've already had several," Ezri said, in the tone of a parent
denying a fussy child a fourth drink of water before bed.

"I had to steal them. I want you to *give* me one."

"Well...how big a kiss?" She lowered her hands to grip Kashi's
buttocks, kneading.

"As big as you'll let me have," Kashi whispered, nuzzling her other
ear now.

"Oh...okay. One."

"One big one."

"One big one."

Kashi met her eyes, and smiled slowly before leaning down to open
Ezri's lips with her own, small sweet tongue darting in to meet
Ezri's, caress, stroke deep...Kashi's hands moved to squeeze and
massage Ezri's breasts gently.

Ezri moaned. She twisted her hips, got one leg around Kashi, then the
other, and caught her in them as Kashi became busy with uniform
fastenings; she loosened the jacket, opened it, unfastened Ezri's
shirt. Ezri began rocking her pelvis against Kashi, and Kashi groaned
and slid her hands up inside Ezri's clothes, everything, in one
motion, and Ezri shuddered all over, and the kiss broke as Kashi's
hands worked her breasts expertly.

"Can we consider this an interruption in the same overall kiss?" Ezri
panted, kicking her boots off hurriedly.

"Sure," Kashi breathed, taking the opportunity to rid Ezri of all her
clothes above the waist; Ezri caught Kashi's waist and pulled her up
farther, and Kashi cried out as Ezri took a velvety nipple in her
mouth, one hand sliding up to tend to the other.

Ezri sighed contentedly. Stars, this was happening so *fast*...she'd
gotten to the boiling point in about two minutes. She tried not to be
too rough, but breasts had always been a weakness of hers, especially
such unbearably pretty ones, pressed anxiously into her mouth by this
incredibly charming woman writhing between her legs...

Kashi was whimpering softly, trying to control her own grinding
motions, and her own hands that didn't want to detach themselves from
Ezri's ivory skin, enough to get the uniform pants unfastened. Ezri
lifted up to let her pull them down, helped kick them off, then pulled
Kashi's off in one fell swoop. She wasn't wearing anything underneath
them.

"Ohhh God," Kashi cried as they tangled themselves together, rocking,
pushing into each other. "This is *crazy*...this time's gonna take
about two more seconds..."

"I know, me too mmh, like that, oh you feel...you feel *so*--" Kashi's
mouth came down on hers again.

This was no time for finesse, they were obviously both starved for it.
Ezri felt a trickle of warm moisture move down her thigh where Kashi's
swollen, slick sex slid firmly against it; shifting one arm, she
insinuated her fingers between them there, making Kashi gasp and break
their kiss again, eyes widening. After the initial shock of sensation,
she reciprocated, lifting one shoulder and lowering her arm between
them; she slid two fingers inside Ezri at once, massaging the swollen
folds, the sensitized and firm nub at the top with her thumb; then
another finger inside, pushing rhythmically.

She started to kiss Ezri again, but before she could reach the other
woman's lips she convulsed with a sharp cry, pitching forward across
Ezri's shoulder, the movements of her hand not slowing. The feeling of
the muscles inside the slippery heat of Kashi's body, contracting in
spasms on her hand, the body flexing in abandon against hers, were
enough to finish Ezri. Her back arched as her teeth bared briefly and
she came, bucking frantically under Kashi's hot, damp form, pushing
hard, taking Kashi's hand in deeper.

They collapsed, breathing like marathon runners. Or sprinters, Ezri
corrected her thoughts with a faint smile. 'That must have been
something like a thirty-second mile.'

"That was incredible," Kashi finally whispered. "I think I saw God. I
may never have come that fast in my life."

"I think God and I got together, had tea, caught up on the news and
said see you soon in about a minute and a half," Ezri concurred.

She'd had to take her hand from Kashi to get them resettled when Kashi
collapsed, but Kashi hadn't moved hers. She rubbed and stroked inside
Ezri gently. "Do you mind?" she whispered. "You feel so good..."

"No. It's nice." She squeezed Kashi's hand a little. They lay in a
comfortable pile, Kashi propped on Ezri's shoulder as she mouthed
Ezri's breast very gently, soothingly, until the sweat had begun to
cool on them.

Kashi lifted her head and kissed Ezri, long and slow. Then she
whispered "Can I find out if you taste as good as you feel?"

"Nothing like a thorough empirical study...oh, shut up, Jadzia, this
is no time to be flip." She pulled the giggling Kashi to her again.

---
SEVENTEEN:
"You might be careful--it really hurts when it's real;
you'll go down, down, down..."

Four Non-Blondes
---

I shifted in my chair uneasily; Captain Sisko had been quiet so long I
began to wish he'd take me apart regulation by regulation rather than
let me twist in the wind like this.

He got up from his desk and went to the port, tossing his baseball in
one hand. "On a professional level, I had no real need to know, that's
true, if you want to be perfectly technical. But there isn't a Fleet
officer alive who wouldn't agree with me that the occasion calls for
less than perfect technicality. We both know that I should have been
told, under the circumstances. And on a more personal level...let me
say that I am disappointed you did not see fit to trust me. I thought
that I *had* earned that, by this time."

"Captain...you have, you know you have. It's not that I didn't trust
you--I just didn't want you worried about whether you could trust
*me*."

"Because--unfortunately--it appears I might have had some reason not
to."

"Sir--even *Miles* can't understand the way I feel, and I know about
your history with Julie. It wasn't reasonable for me to expect you to
understand. *I* barely understand."

He nodded finally, then turned back to face me. "Doctor, I'm sure
you're aware that you're still in Starfleet by sufferance, no doubt
partly because of the Dominion threat; you're needed, but I can make
no guarantees that your commission will survive this--and I can also
make no guarantees that, especially in your case, a very old military
rule known as duration-plus-six may be invoked, and you wouldn't be
allowed to resign it, should you decide to, this being wartime. I also
can't be certain your alternate won't be detained and forcibly
returned to his own spacetime; the Federation is about as fond of
tampering with the fabric of space, in terms of quantum reality, as it
is of tampering with the fabric of time."

"I've considered that, sir, believe me. But I know I have to ask this.
Listen; you were willing--provisionally--to let the Mirror Bareil stay
on the station. How is this different?"

"Changing fleet policy and generally changing circumstances. We *are*
in the middle of a war; believe me, anyone arriving at the Station
next to the wormhole the way they did is going to be suspect. Not only
that, your counterpart is a leader of the Terran rebellion; that much
is known from my own reports. His motives here are going to be suspect
as well."

"You're saying that simply because of the war, a man who might have
been welcomed with open arms after the great favor he's done us will
be detained? Deported?"

"It isn't that simple. I just mentioned changing policy; there have
been discoveries made since you offered Smiley asylum, since I offered
it to Bareil. Those discoveries have consisted of finding out how very
much we *don't* know about this sort of thing, Doctor."

I was quiet. I think he knew I wasn't completely sold. He continued.
"Is this because you feel responsible for him, having taken it on
yourself to treat his condition? I'm told becoming attached to one's
therapist is common."

"This is because we are in love, sir. He's said already that there is
nothing in his own universe that he wouldn't give up to stay with me,
and I can't imagine letting him go."

"Doctor...Julian. The rules laid down in these matters are not
arbitrary. Our understanding of this sort of phenomenon is still in
its infancy; we've learned there may be dangers, whether they are
detectable at this point or not."

"That's true of almost everything, sir. We didn't know for hundreds of
years about the effect of warp drive on the structure of space. That
doesn't mean we didn't use it."

"I could argue whether that was a valid comparison, but I don't think
there's any point." He paused, and tried one more time. "You've taken
oaths to the Federation--to uphold and follow its rules and
restrictions as well as enjoy its freedoms. Isn't your sense of
loyalty giving you any trouble at all?"

I stared at the floor. "That more than anything about this, sir. I
know what the oaths I've taken mean, and I believe in them. But I also
know...I love him, Benjamin."

He met my eyes, and I know he could see entreaty in them. He let his
breath out in a sudden whoosh, saying "I know you do..." he leaned
back in his chair with a pensive frown, steepling his fingers against
his chin. "And if you can honestly tell me that he feels the same way
about you, I have no choice but to take you at your word, concerned as
I may be that you're being...manipulated. Let me ask you one more
thing. He's said he'll sacrifice his position and his responsibilities
to stay with you. Is there anything--anything at all--that *you*
wouldn't give up for his sake?"

"There are things I hope I won't need to give up. Medicine, primarily.
But sir, if there was really no other way..."

"Then, if you mean that...if this is what you really want..." he stood
up and held his hand out to me. "Then I will back you all the way."

I stood and grasped his hand in both of mine; I was fighting tears.
"Thank you, sir. No one could ever hope for a more compassionate
commanding officer."

"Don't praise me too soon. There may be very little I can do for you."

"All that matters to me--and to Julie--is that you're willing to try.
Thank you."

"You'd better go speak to him. I'm sure he's worried."

"Yes, I will. Thank you again, sir."

I could feel his eyes on my back as I left. Something was eating at
him, something besides the obvious, but I couldn't spare the attention
to wonder at the moment, and I couldn't wait to get back to Julie.

I hurried back to my quarters and through the door. "Julie, the
Captain says--Julie?" I looked around. In the dead quiet I slowly
became aware of the sound of ragged breathing, coming from the far
corner of the room.

"Are you all right?" I crossed the carpet quickly and saw him in the
corner, on the floor, between the end of the couch and the wall. I
started to reach for him.

"NO!"

I backed up quickly. "What is it, love?"

He curled up smaller, impossibly so, face pressed into his knees. He
seemed to be trying to cover his entire body with his arms. "Make them
stop," he whimpered.

"There's no one here but us, Julie," I said carefully.

"I KNOW that!" He wailed, with an attempt at his usual growl, but he
sounded more like a lost kitten than a hunting cat. "Get it--get it
off, off me, make it stop--I want Kay," he managed, then burst into
tears. Unthinking, I reached for him again and he recoiled so
violently I winced at how badly the hard surface of the wall must be
bruising him. "Don't TOUCH me! Don't!"

I tapped my badge. "Bashir to O'Brien."

"O'Brien here."

"Is Kashi with your wife?"

"Yeah, they're in the bedroom, trying on clothes."

"Would you ask Kashi to come to my quarters at once? It's an
emergency. Tell her to come alone."

"Um, sure thing. O'Brien out."

"Kay is coming, Julie," I told him, but he was crying so hard I wasn't
sure he heard me. His head had been down, and I hadn't seen, but when
he lifted it just slightly to breathe, I realized there were ragged
gouges down the sides of his face. As I watched, he clutched at
himself again, drawing identical scrapes of red across his chest, his
shoulder--

I lunged to stop him; he screamed and fought me. "Don't TOUCH ME,
PLEASE--"

"I won't hurt you." I hated having to do this, but I couldn't let him
keep tearing at himself. Seeing it, what was happening crystallized
for me.

It was the blood, the circulation, returning to those walled-off
portions of himself. When one disconnects from one's feelings in a
given situation, it doesn't mean the feelings aren't there, that no
emotional response is occurring. It just means that you don't have to
feel it. But he'd been with me long enough, reopening the pathways to
his emotions, reactions, sensations, that now those feelings he'd
nearly killed himself to keep buried--he could feel them now. He knew
who I was, where he was. He almost certainly didn't understand the
horror that had descended on him now, though--a hatred and disgust of
himself, of his own body, the awareness of violation...

The door opened behind us. "Oh my God--" Kashi, dressed in a frilly
robe I'd seen Keiko in, charged past me and got between me and Julie,
throwing her arms around him. "It's okay, I'm here, I won't let
anything happen--"

"Make them stop," he groaned, curling up again in her grasp. "Don't
let this happen, Kay, make it stop--I can't stand it, I want to die,
make them let me die--"

"I'm here, I'll protect you, it's all right--here, now, shh..."

He took a wet breath. "Make Julian go," he whispered. "I don't want
him to see this."

She whispered back "He only wants to help."

"Make him *go*, I can't bear...myself, I love him...I can't bear it!
I'm nothing...but a...a...please don't let him..." The power of speech
seemed to fail him completely then.

She looked over her shoulder at me, eyes huge.

"Right. Call me when you can," I said softly, and left.

Starting down the corridor toward Ezri's office, I tapped my badge.
"Bashir to Dax."

"Dax here."

"I need to talk to you. Are you in the middle of anything?"

"I'm between appointments at the moment; I'm in my office."

"I'm on my way there."

Stony-faced, I tapped the signal and went in. She got up from her desk
chair and came around. "What's wrong?" she said at once, seeing my
expression.

I inhaled to speak. Instead, I started to cry.

She hurried up and guided me to the couch, moved the standard
counselor's box of tissues nearer me, and put her arm around me.
"What's happened?"

"He hates himself, Ezri," I managed to choke. "He..."

She closed her eyes, turning her face away. "He's starting to feel it,
isn't he? The bad along with the good. Is someone with him?"

I nodded. "I can't believe that I'm the one who's doing this to him.
Was he right, Ezri? Should I just have let him be? I can't stand
knowing what I've done to him."

"You're only saying that because you're in love with him. If he were
any other patient, you'd realize that those feelings are part and
parcel of getting him back to himself, making him whole again. He
won't be buried in them forever. It'll come and go, you know that."

"What if it doesn't? Ezri, he wants to die. What if he kills himself?
Plenty of people have, in response to this kind of...of re-emergence,
they can't stand to live with themselves, with the feelings
of...worthlessness, worse than worthlessness."

"He's not going to kill himself." She handed me a tissue.

"How can you be sure?"

"It's my job to know. In my honest professional opinion, he will not
resort to suicide. There are some other pretty horrible things he
might resort to, but not that one."

"He was already tearing at himself. Kashi stopped him."

"She's the one with him, I suppose."

"Yes. He made me go. He said he couldn't bear for me to see him."

"That's normal enough. Would you want someone you were in love with to
see you when you felt like you were a piece of garbage that happened
to be breathing?"

"What if he can't bear to have me near him now? What if I frighten him
too much?"

"You're working yourself into a panic, Julian. Stop thinking for a few
minutes and just cry. Come here." She put her other arm around me.

I sobbed quietly on her shoulder for a while, I'm not sure how long. I
was weighed with the knowledge that while I would do anything for
Julie, absolutely anything, there was absolutely nothing I *could* do.

She was speaking quietly. "Remember, you didn't do this to him. What's
causing this happened years before you ever met him. You may have been
the catalyst, the reason his reactions are resurfacing, but you let
him experience love and pleasure, too. I'm afraid he can't have one
sort of feeling without the other. That isn't how human emotions
work."

"There has to be some way I can make it easier for him when he's
overwhelmed by this kind of self-hate."

"There is. I suggest we start a program of medication, for one thing.
His case definitely mandates it."

"Yes, I'll...need to get him to the infirmary, give him a complete
examination..." I raised my head from her shoulder and sat back to
blow my nose.

"In the meantime, use your clearance and replicate a mild general
tranquilizer. I'll take it to him. Kashi will let you know when he's
calm enough for you to see him."

"Right. I should have thought of that first thing." I went to the
replicator and procured a hypo, which I handed to her.

"Stay here," she said, and left. I sat back on the couch, slumping
forward with my face in my hands.

"The things we bloody put each other through for love," I muttered.

---

Ezri told me how it had gone when she came back, and I left to make
room for her next appointment, and wait for Kashi's call. There was
too much ship traffic at the moment to make the docking ring a
practical stomping ground, so I was forced to walk around the habitat
ring instead. Which was good in a way; I was able to get to my
quarters inside of five minutes when Kashi commed.

They were on the couch. She had her feet propped on the replaced
coffee table; he was lying in her lap, face up, eyes closed; she'd
changed his clothes, apparently, trading the abused deep-green vest
and beige pants he'd been wearing earlier for a pair of my uniform
slacks.

I came in cautiously. "Is he asleep?"

"No, I think he just doesn't want to talk to anyone right now."

"I understand." I came up and crouched next to them. "Do you think
he'd mind if I touched him?"

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter. I don't think he can really feel
it."

I sighed and stroked his hair. He didn't react. "You know that
he...tunes out like that?"

"All of us do it sometimes," she said. "Didn't have to be training for
his specialty. They used a neural lash on us all. Among other things."

"A neural...you were *children*!"

"It's an extremely effective conditioning method," she muttered.
"Doesn't matter how old you are."

I slumped to sit on the floor, leaning on the sofa arm. "Kashi...how
do you stand it? You seem to...live with it all so much more easily
than he does."

"'Seem' being the operative word. Oh, you're right, I do manage more
easily than him, I'd say, from what I've seen. Also from what I've
heard, knowing that he's Captain Julian Bashir, which I hadn't
realized, yet..." Kashi thought. "He did go through worse than I did.
I'm not saying I enjoyed the training--actually, you probably wouldn't
call it that. Your word would more likely be something like 'torture',
though that's not accurate, actual torture is done with entirely
different goals in mind. Trust me, I know. But I did get out sooner
than some of us did, and after that, no one touched me who I didn't
want to. He wasn't so lucky."

"He downplays it so much. How much of what he says about it not having
been so horrid is true?"

She sighed. "He's right when he says I wasn't there most of the time,
but from what I *could* see, Leveren didn't...didn't get any
particular kick out of brutalizing anyone. Yeah, just having sex with
Julie here counts as brutality, since Julie didn't have any choice,
and he was only eleven when it started. Started with Leveren, I mean.
But he was used to it. He was enhanced and trained the way he was
because *he* was usually doing most of the work."

"Do you think that makes it *better*? It's unthinkable that he was
made to *become* used to it! It very nearly destroyed him, classically
violent scenarios or not!"

"I know that, believe me. I know that it's the making him able to live
with it that would have destroyed him, even more than just...hell.
He's awake, I don't want to go into it. You know how I feel about it
all; you heard what I said yesterday. And he did have to take some
pretty nasty punishment, on fairly rare occasion. I told you about one
instance. One I've never forgiven myself for."

"No, Kashi. You could have refused to...conduct him, been
disciplined...and someone else would have taken him anyway."

"I know." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I should
have...well. How 'bad' it was for either of us completely depends on
your standards. By yours, it was unthinkable. By ours... with nothing
to compare it to but the training compound, it wasn't really so bad.
We had plenty to eat, regular medical care, all sorts of
luxuries--Julie especially. One reason he wasn't popular with the
other Terrans is that he was seen as being totally spoiled. Your
average Terran could never hope to have it so good, and plenty of them
wouldn't have minded being Julie even, much less me--duties to Leveren
notwithstanding."

"He's said that to me as well. I still can't believe what must have
been done to you to allow either of you to see it that way."

She shook her head. "If you'd...you'd been there, you'd understand.
That we know it could have been much worse, and that we were lucky in
a way...and that we'd rather have died than live another day with it."

I sighed. "I hope he can forgive me."

"He's pretty good about that," she murmured. "Though it might not seem
like it sometimes."

"Kashi, I think part of him must hate me. *I'd* be bloody hard-pressed
not to hate someone who was making me go through what he is, whether I
knew it was for my good or not, and I have something more of an
emotional leg to stand on than he does."

"He loves you. He knows you aren't *making* him go through it."

"How can you tell?"

"He told me. Not just that one time before you left. He's afraid you
won't want *him*."

I stared. "*Why*?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, he has a little self-image problem."

"Well, perhaps at the moment he does, yes, but..." I thought back to
some of the things he'd said. "Semiliterate ex-whore" rather stuck in
my mind. I supposed I hadn't thought of it as self-disparagement so
much as a way of disparaging *me*, in context. He'd been so angry,
aggressive about it. That shouldn't have blinded me to how close to
the surface his self-loathing was. I thought of him in the raider, not
understanding why I was being *nice* to him. "What else is an idiot
like me good for, after all?" he'd said, bitterly, but also in honest
confusion. I began to realize that his dedication to the Terran cause
was at least as much survival as heroism. He was respected and needed,
profoundly, in that position. Anything more personal, though, was
simply out of the question since Jadzia died.

"Julie," I whispered, taking his hand. "You are more precious to me
than anything. Please try to believe it."

He turned his head on Kashi's legs to look at me. Tears swamped the
soft amber of his eyes.

Kashi kissed his cheek. "I'll let you talk, if it's okay, Julie? Are
you up for it?"

He looked up at her suddenly, then took a deep breath and nodded. I
helped pull him up sitting so she could stand. They embraced tightly
once more, and she left quietly, the soft robe trailing behind her on
the carpet.

I sat down with him. "You don't have to talk right now if you don't
want to."

"I can't think straight." His voice was broken and gravelly.

"Don't worry about it. It'll pass." I held him close.

He whispered "Julian, would you...what we did last night..."

"You want to make love, sweetheart?"

He nodded.

"Are you sure it won't upset you?"

"Do you want me to beg?" he gritted harshly.

"Julie!" I squeezed him close again. "Don't say that. I was only
worried, you did say you're not sure how clearly you're thinking."

He pursed his lips, apparently thinking hard how to explain. "I want
*you* to touch me, to make it...make it stay away. And I want to know
that you still want to be that close to me."

"Far more than happy to oblige," I assured him, finding his mouth for
a kiss.

I was still worried, but judging by what went after that, he did know
what he needed. Confused as he was by the recent upset and by the mild
tranquilizer, he wasn't cut off from me, emotionally or physically. It
seemed he *could* still feel the difference between what had gone
before with him, and being with me.

Sometime after we'd fallen asleep, I was awakened again--very briefly.
I felt myself seized, and something hammered into me, and there was a
blinding pain in my head that shot white lights across my eyes, and
then nothing.

---
EIGHTEEN:
"I might be a mess, but I sure can survive. Chasing me is a
hungry dweller--but I can escape it by pretending to die..."

Four Non-Blondes
---

I woke, and wished I hadn't; the pain was still there, a sharp hot
dagger at the back of my skull. Someone was crying quietly, and the
sound was painful for several reasons. My hand was being clenched
hard. I felt sick.

"Julie..."

"Oh God," he whispered, and released my hand at once. "I'm sorry, I
didn't...I'm sorry..."

"Julie, listen carefully. I'm going to be all right, but you mustn't
try to move me. I want you to use my comm badge--" which would make
the channel more secure, "--and call Ezri. Ask her to come at once.
Don't do anything else." I subsided, trying not to vomit. I was lying
on my back, sort of partway up against the chair by the port in the
bedroom.

Julie managed to do as I asked, then retreated somewhere; just as
well, much as I wanted to know just what had happened--though I could
guess--I wanted far more for the pain to stop and my stomach to calm
down. I also seemed to have a nosebleed. I just didn't have the
physical wherewithal to comfort him, I'd pass out again, or worse.

Ezri arrived in only a few minutes and knelt next to me. "What
happened, Julie?" She unfolded the tricorder from my kit and began
scanning me.

"I didn't mean to," he whispered. "...dead?"

"I'm sure you know the dead don't bleed like this," she said, "and I'm
sure you didn't mean to hurt him. But I need to know what he hit.
Judging by the shape and depth of the wound, and where he's lying, I'd
say the corner of the chair arm?"

"I don't know. I didn't even realize it was...him until..."

"Relax, Julie, our friend the Doctor is known for not being able to
stay out of trouble. No one will blame you." She injected me with
something; the pain in my head abated somewhat and my stomach calmed.
I heard her find the localized gravitic retractor--I know that's what
it was because she couldn't get it out at first; thing sticks for me
as well. "I'm going to have to realign this skull plate by twelve
microns, and I don't think I can take responsibility for that. I'm
going to get a team down here."

I managed to say "I don't want the whole station hearing of this."

"If that chair arm had gone in another few microns, Julian, you not
only wouldn't be conscious, you'd be on your way to total support,
hopefully before your synaptic activity dropped to the point you
couldn't be brought back from the dead. There'd have been bone slivers
in your brain. You've got bleeding inside the dura mater and I think
deeper. I'm calling Saire."

I couldn't argue.

Luma site-to-sited to my quarters, which I would have protested,
except Miles is the one who has the final sign-off on those logs; he
wouldn't talk it about.

"You haven't moved him?"

"*No* I haven't moved him. Here's the scan results..."

"Doctor, I'm getting you to--"

"No. Not if you value your life," I graveled. "You can handle this,
Luma. I've seen you do...it..."

She cursed again. "Give me a hand here, Ezri."

"Right..."

I passed out again, mercifully.

When I came to, I was in a slightly more comfortable position on the
floor; I felt fuzzy, but the pain in my head was largely gone.

"Right. That should do it, Doctor, I *will* see you in the infirmary
first thing in the morning, and I won't be handing you the night shift
log, got it?"

"Just don't tell Guirani. She's a stickler about this kind of thing.
Have me on a platter."

"I'd let her use my aunt's good silver."

"Is he really still in danger?" Ezri asked quietly.

Luma sighed. "No. But he's an idiot and one of these days he's going
to get killed. He would never have let one of *us* get away with
this." Without another word, she stomped across the room and out
toward the front door, specialized surgical kit in hand, floor-length
robe swishing the rhythm of her annoyance.

"You can sit up," Ezri said. "If you can sit up, I mean. No spinal
trauma."

I did, very slowly. Because of the angle, blood had run over my neck
and down across my chest as well as into my face--turned out that was
the "nosebleed"--and down the other side of my neck to puddle under me
on the rug. "Takes days to get that stuff out of the carpet," I
sighed. Ezri steadied me and I raised my head uncertainly.

I finally saw him; he was at the head of the bed, curled up, his eyes
huge; he'd got dressed, I suppose at Ezri's instigation.

When my eyes met his, he bolted from the room.

"Oh, no--Ezri, catch him--" she was already up, but after darting out
the door in pursuit of him, she returned, wearing a scowl. "He's
fast," she noted.

"Bloody *hell*. I wonder how Miles is doing with that glitch that
makes it impossible to locate one of us and an identical counterpart
on the station at the same time."

"He hasn't told me anything."

"God. The *last* thing Julie needs is to wind up rescued by the gentle
and all-encompassing arms of station security. How the hell are we
going to find him?"

"Let's try thinking. You're still somewhat concussed, so I'll help.
Sit down." She sat me on the couch. "Would you like me to grab your
robe?"

I took stock of my garb. It consisted of blood, and a few other sticky
bodily fluids. "Oh my God. Ezri, my most profound apologies. My
head..."

"Don't be sorry, you're very pretty. Well, maybe not right at the
moment. Funny thing is, Saire never even seemed to notice."

"Saire has seen things that make a naked blood-soaked superior look
like a banquet table centerpiece." I glanced up quickly after her as
she went into the bedroom; I realized Ezri was in the same robe Kashi
had been wearing earlier.

She came back with my robe and draped it around my shoulders; I pulled
it on as quickly as I could and still keep upright. "Mm...oh, my,
still a little...all right, help me how?"

"He threw you across the room and broke your head, right?"

"That would certainly seem to be the case. It must be these
resurfacing feelings and memories. My head breaking was incidental, he
only wanted me away from him. If he'd been dreaming
something...unpleasant, and then woke to find someone in bed with him,
who wasn't Jadzia--even *I* wake up some mornings and have to remember
just where I am and even how old I am, what year it is, for a moment.
I'm sure he was disoriented."

"So he lashed out without thinking. He didn't realize it was you when
he did it, but he did it...and he ran out of here in what looked like
panic. Meaning?"

"He thought I'd be angry."

"And probably he thought that this might be the last straw for you,"
she said, feeding me ideas. "He's not very proud of the problems he's
been having. He's not thinking clearly. He thinks you won't forgive
him..."

"He'd want to get away. Completely, I mean, from this universe. Go
home."

"And, given he's not thinking clearly, where might he run?"

"Um...we arrived via transporter...the cargo bay?"

"Maybe, where else?"

"The docking ring, or the runabout pads."

"And?"

"He knows Smiley built the device that was used originally to kidnap
Captain Sisko, might he look for Miles?"

"I doubt he'd be thinking at that level of complexity, but maybe.
Miles'll know what to do if Julie comes bombing into the O'Brien's
quarters, though I'm not sure what'll happen if Julie gets a look at
Keiko first."

"Should we call Kashi?"

"No, not this time. You get some clothes on; I'm going to call Miles
and Benjamin. Maybe between the four of us we can track him down; we
don't want security involved, and we don't want him seeing Kira or
anyone in his state. He may not even understand quite where he is, or
who they are. But we don't have much time. Julie is an extremely
dangerous man even in possession of himself, and at the moment, if
you'll allow me to state the obvious..."

"Right." I made it to the bedroom as well as I could and started
getting into uniform. While I was in there, I heard Ezri on the comm
to Miles. I picked up a cloth in the bathroom to try to wipe a little
of the blood off--not that a cloth was going to be much help--and came
out to the front room, starting to ask if Miles had seen Julie.

The door signal sounded. Ezri and I exchanged a look. "Come in," I
said.

Captain Sisko walked in, in his bathrobe and slippers, with an
unconscious Julie in his arms. "I believe you lost this, Doctor?"

I felt a resurgence of nausea. "Ahm..."

Sisko got a clear look at me and stopped. "Good God, Julian, what
happened to you?"

"I hit my head. It bled rather a lot, but I'm fine now."

"You look like a corpse."

"I'm all right. Really. Now, I mean."

He obviously didn't completely buy that--he looked down suspiciously
at Julie, who kept right on hanging there in his grip in a
consummately nonthreatening fashion--but finally he proceeded to the
couch and let Julie down, picking up lolling limbs and settling them
comfortably on the cushions.

I went for my kit, swallowing a large dry lump from my throat. Behind
me, I heard him saying "Well, Old Man?"

She started to speak, but didn't have time to continue before I came
back, beginning to scan. "What happened, sir?" I asked in my most
professional fashion.

"He used a command-level clearance to get into my quarters,
apparently. Yours, I would assume?"

"It would have to have been, I suppose--I opened the medical lab with
it the other day after a false intruder alert. I suppose he must have
heard then mine's gamma three."

"I was awake, as it happens, and naturally got up to see what the
problem was. He swung at me, rather blindly, I punched him, and then I
brought him here."

I turned my eyes up to him. "Not to security?"

"I'm aware of his condition, Doctor. I assumed you'd have an
explanation for me?" That voice. The very hot airy calm of it; I
turned so he couldn't see my wince. "Besides," he continued, "under
the circumstances--your feelings--I thought I might earn the Old Man's
cold shoulder for quite a while if I called Odo on him."

"Don't put it on me, Benjamin," Ezri muttered.

"He'll be all right," I said. "I doubt he's even completely
unconscious. Julie? Can you hear me? I think he's mostly dazed."

His eyelids fluttered. I finished what I was doing--I might have to
see to his temporomandibular joints in the infirmary, a blow to the
jaw hard enough to knock an adult human unconscious can do things to
connective tissue, but for now he'd be fine--and said "It's all right.
I'm here."

His eyes opened. He looked at me and winced and I realized I was still
a blood-soaked nosferatu. "Head wounds always bleed like this," I said
hastily. "I'll be fine, too."

His eyes flickered past me to Sisko. "I owe you another, now."

"The hell you do. That was self-defense," Sisko told him.

"How did I get back here?" Julie wondered, glancing around
suspiciously, likely for the presence of security.

"The Captain carried you," I told him.

Julie glanced up sharply at Sisko, who gazed impassively back at him.

"Thank you," Julie said.

"I won't say you're exactly welcome, but given the circumstances..."
He looked at me. "And you, Doctor--can I trust you to take steps to
insure that this sort of occurrence is a rare one?"

"Of course, sir. Thank you for...for that understanding."

Ezri grabbed his arm and steered him out the door, going with him, I
supposed to explain. He went with her, tiredly but willingly.

I sank to the floor next to Julie and put my arms around him. "Did you
really think I wouldn't forgive you?"

"Yes. I suppose that is what I thought."

"I forgive you, and I love you, and if you leave me you'll break my
heart. Do you believe me yet?"

"I've definitely tried to," he whispered.

"Why Captain Sisko?" I wondered quietly.

He sat up. "Come on," he said. "You're the one who needs to be lying
down."

Together we went back to the bedroom, and he began very calmly
disrobing me. His eyes were completely focused, his expression tense.

"Julie?"

"Hm?"

"Sisko?"

"Oh. Something...happened on the way to wherever it was I was running.
I came back to myself."

"Came...how do you mean?"

"I mean I--everything came together again. I had focus. I knew where I
was, and I knew how to get home."

"Captain Sisko."

"I knew he could arrange it quickly, and that he'd be more than glad
to if I asked."

"Not Miles?"

"I don't know where his quarters are. But Sisko is the station
Commander; and I do know where those quarters are."

"I see. Why did you jump him?"

He appeared disgusted. "I suppose I was still rather wrought up..."

"He startled you."

"That's right. Grabbed my shoulder from behind; I didn't even know he
was there, which I'd've thought would be impossible. The man radiates
like a stellar core to someone like me."

"What did you mean when you said you came back to yourself?"

His eyes glittered coldly into mine. "I mean I got my focus back."

Oh God, no. Not..."Julie..."

"I suppose...because I had accepted the fact that I was leaving, going
home."

"No! It was *me*. It was because you believed I'd abandoned you, that
you'd done something unforgivable and I wouldn't be there for you any
more."

"Whatever. As may be."

I caught his hand. "Please. Try to remember. Can't you feel it any
more?"

"Feel what?"

"The way we've been together."

"All I can remember right now is being in such a state I couldn't've
got my bleeding knickers on right if you'd held a phaser on me."

"I don't believe you."

"Julian, blast it! Is it any wonder I'm enjoying being capable of
communicating, of following what's happening? Can't you just let me
have that?"

"I could if I knew you still loved me," I managed. Emotion was
threatening to overwhelm me again and I reined it firmly in.

"Julian..." he took a deep, shuddering breath, looking away from me.
"I do. It's there. I could feel every bit of it if I let it through.
Just let me stay clear...let me keep hold of myself for a while
longer."

"All right," I said finally. "A little while. I know it feels like
this is you, and you lose yourself when you feel...and perhaps you're
right. But that's only temporary, until you get *used* to feeling. It
won't overwhelm you then. And the feelings won't be so...chaotic,
tumultuous. They'll make more sense to you, you won't have to worry
about them suddenly blindsiding you. If you only don't give up.
Promise me."

He sighed. "I promise."

"Will you sleep here with me?"

"I don't want to sleep right now."

"I understand. Shall I stay with you?"

"No, you've been bashed in the head. You need to rest."

He was right. "If that jaw hurts, wake me," I said, with a chilled
resignation.

"I will." He hesitated a moment, then kissed me, warm and tender, but
somehow perfunctory. "Leave the comm line open, in case your head
gives you any trouble...I know I don't seem it, right at the moment.
But I *am* sorry. Really."

"I know you are." I gazed after him as he left, then got up to get the
blood off me before I lay down.

I felt very, very cold. I'd have thought, if it weren't for the way he
was acting, it might be shock from the wound. But I knew it wasn't.

---

Ezri came back in, quietly. She said "You're...back, I suppose is the
word I want, aren't you?"

"For the moment. And--" he smirked. "--you've just been having it off
*very* thoroughly. Who's the lucky woman?"

She blinked. "How'd you know it was a woman?"

"I just assumed. Our Ezri isn't at all interested in men."

"Oh. I wasn't either, until I was joined. It's Kashi."

His hand covered his mouth to stifle a laugh. "That figures."

"Why? Has she got a girl in every port? Have I joined an
extrauniversal harem?"

"No, but she's been so powerfully attracted to you from the beginning.
As I told Julian, it was my job to know those things."

Ezri glanced at the bedroom door. "How is he?"

"Resting."

"No, I mean how is he."

Julie pondered. "He's upset, of course. Apparently afraid I won't love
him if I'm not in a state of hysteria."

"Did you tell him differently?"

"Of course. I may be stupid, but I'm not that fickle."

"You aren't stupid, Julie. You do still have feelings for him? You are
still aware of those parts of yourself?"

Julie's eyes softened suddenly. "Yes. I am, at least more than I
was...before I met him, and all this started happening. But I'm tired,
Ezri. I just want to take a break from it all."

"That's completely understandable. These last few days have been
horrendously stressful. But don't give up--he won't give up on you.
Neither will I."

"I know," he whispered. "I think I'd like to be alone for a while."

"You're sure you're all right?"

He nodded. "Yes. Thank you. One more thing--Captain Sisko..."

"He's sort of exasperated, but I think he's still all right. He's
willing to go a long way for Julian. Partly, I think, *because* Julian
can be such an unbelievable handful, and because...while he can't
always trust Julian's judgment, because of how idealistic he is...he
*wants* to give him all the support he can, for the same reason.
Benjamin's not at the end of his patience yet."

"I wanted to despise him, for what he did to Jadzia...but I can't,
really. Not when you and Julian respect him so much."

"I've known him more than half his life. You can believe me when I say
he's worthy of it."

"I wish he weren't so suspicious of me. Not that I haven't given him
reason."

"Let him get to know you. He's a little worried about your motives
with Julian, but he does trust my judgement, even if he's not always
sure about our shiny-eyed doctor's." She hugged him; he responded a
bit woodenly, but he responded, and she left him.

---
NINETEEN:
"At first I was scared, when I opened up my head, and the
motor that was running was the mind of you..."

Maria McKee
---

I got up when the computer started telling me what time it was. The
world teetered slightly as I sat up, but settled quickly. I decided,
since Luma had me mostly repaired and I could say I'd slipped or
something, I'd have someone do a scan of me just to be safe; and there
was Julie, of course. He and Ishikawa had a session in Ezri's office
later, but first I wanted to give him his exam and get the medication
Ezri had suggested underway.

I wandered out to the front room in my shorts. Julie had nodded off
eventually; he was on the couch, curled at one end, drooping over the
arm, the loose white boat-necked shirt he wore tugged free of the
waistband of his azure trousers. "Oh, dear," I sighed. "You're going
to have a monumental crick in your neck." I slid a hand under him to
lift him, then thought better of it and took his hand instead.
"Julie?" I didn't need a punch in the gut to go with the lump on my
head.

He blinked, stirring. "Mm..." he sat up slowly. "Hello." He brought my
hand to his mouth and kissed it. "How are you? Can I touch you or will
it knock you over?"

"I'll be all right, but why didn't you come in?" I almost winced at
the plaintive note in my own voice.

"I didn't really intend to fall asleep; besides, with your
head...I...didn't want to disturb you, ahm...here." He reached over to
the coffee table with his free hand, picked up the sketch pad, and
handed it to me. "I made you something else. To say I'm sorry, again.
I did a poor job of that last night."

I kissed his forehead. "We've been over it; it wasn't your fault. But
thank you." I took the pad and opened the cover.

It was a view, from near the arch, of the glen with the waterfall, in
Keiko's program. If anything, it was even more finely detailed and
smooth, the light effects brighter and more convincing, than in the
portrait he'd done of me. I would have sworn, in the low light
surrounding us at that moment, that the grass and the water in the
drawing looked green, the falls white, the sky between the clouds
blue...only because I knew the colors, of course, but the shadings
were so perfect...

"Julie, this is *amazing*!"

"So was that swim," he said softly. "I'd never had the chance to do
something like that before."

I sat on the sofa arm, still gazing thunderstruck at the pad. "Did you
go to the holosuite to do this?"

"Why?" He insinuated himself partway into my lap.

I draped my free arm around him and said "What do you mean, why? You
did this from memory?"

"Yes. I can take it to the holosuite and check it for accuracy if you
like, but I think I got everything right."

"That's not what I mean--very few humans could have made such a
detailed likeness from memory alone. You might have...have taken a
holo of it and scanned it flat, it wouldn't be any more accurate than
this."

"You don't like it?"

"Julie, stop, of course I like it, it's beautiful. My point is that
this is only the second drawing you've made in nearly twenty years. It
takes more than...more than good hands...are you sure none of your
mental abilities were enhanced? Your visual memory, for example?"

"Not as far as I know."

"We can check that in the infirmary. I have an idea about
something--let's get cleaned up and get down there, I was wanting to
give you a check this morning anyway."

"If I were you I'd have someone check you as well. You look rather
bleary."

"I had sort of a long night. Come on, shower with me?" 'Please?'

---

We had a little difficulty getting out of the shower--not that I did
much to fight it, I was terrified about the way he'd been last night
after what had happened to him, and I enjoyed the reassurance of his
affection. But I wasn't late for my duty shift, and things had been
calm during the night. I commed Ezri and asked her to come by, then
started Julie's exam.

Which was delayed by Luma accosting me and dragging me onto a biobed
by main force. She appeared to have read my mind; she told Dr. Guirani
I'd had a minor tumble and a quick check of her work might be in
order. If Guirani'd had any idea of the accident's severity she would
have seen the signs at once, but Luma made sure she did the larger
part of the work herself. Both of them pronounced me fit, as well as
stupid and clumsy.

"I've got a headache," I muttered.

"Good," Luma muttered back. Unfortunately for her sense of justice,
Guirani was already giving me ten mils of arisalin. The headache
became a memory. I have the highest respect for Luma; she could easily
be a doctor if she wanted to, it's evident even no older than she is.
But she's entirely dedicated to nursing, perhaps more so than I am to
surgery. I think only nurse Akula could rival her there, and he's been
in Fleet Medical for thirty-six years. Besides...every doctor needs a
nurse who isn't afraid to let said doctor have the rough side of his
or her opinion. Luma does that quite well for Guirani and I and our
lieutenants.

We were in the middle of Julie's exam when Ezri arrived. She came up
to the biobed and stopped, smiling. "You may be the only doctor in
Starfleet who still regularly thumps people on the back to listen to
their lungs. What does that tell you that the scanners can't?"

"It's just a double check. Scanners can fail."

"Same for the reflex hammer, groping at people's glands, peeking in
their ears...?"

"Look, it doesn't do to let those skills get rusty. A doctor has to be
ready to treat patients even without access to modern technology."

"I know. And especially after..."

"Yes, after what the EM fields did to the Blight sufferers," I agreed
quietly. "I've finally accepted that neither of us could have known
about that, Dax. But listen--the reason I wanted you here..." I
exchanged a glance with Julie, and he handed her the sketchpad, into
which I'd slipped the first drawing he did, too. "Take a look at
those."

She did. Her eyes widened. "They're...beautiful, are they...are they
pencil sketches? No, they..." she puzzled.

"They are," I said, "Julie did them."

She looked up and smiled at him. "They're gorgeous! Ohhh, how
sweet--you even got that pout Julian does when he sleeps."

He smirked, and I said "Most of the occasions *you've* seen me sleep,
I was sitting up. Anybody would sag a bit under those circumstances.
He did those in only a couple of hours each, too."

"And he says he likes them fine, so I don't know what he's on about,"
Julie muttered.

"I'm going to do a deep cortical scan. Finding evidence of genetic
engineering isn't easy, or no one would have it done; but especially
with what we know after working with Sarina, it should be possible."

"You think he was enhanced in ways he doesn't know about?"

"I think that if he wasn't, I may have fathomed what Julie's real
problem is. Sweetheart--" in front of God and everybody, or at least
Ezri and a couple of my staff, I called him that, then kissed him. "I
don't think you're deficient in intelligence at all. I think you're
exceptionally smart."

"You *would* say that."

"Let me get this scan set up and I'll explain."

We got Julie into the surgery, where the more specific scans I wanted
would need to be done, and I had Luma and her assistants start setting
things up. While Julie lay impatiently on the table while the
preliminary scans needed to calibrate the equipment were done, I said
to Ezri, who hovered on the periphery, "If his visual memory wasn't
enhanced, I suspect Julie can think as well as any of us. Is there a
condition, an organic disorder, that interferes with pattern
recognition without interfering with intelligence per se?"

"Yes, several, but Julie doesn't quite fit any of the profiles
exactly, as far as I can diagnose from behavior. Why? You think he
can't read easily because he can't recognize the patterns?"

"Well, that much is obvious, but I don't think it's reading per se. I
think he may have trouble with symbol systems. Arbitrary metaphors,
allegories like written alphabets, syllabaries, numerals. I've seen
him work with design specs, but he never reads the notations. He
simply remembers what he sees and works with that, sometimes by trial
and error. But once he learns something, he does remember it. Which
would mean his memory is far superior to most humans--in Miles's
culture there was an order of scholars known as the Druids, have you
heard of them?"

"Yes. How are they relevant?"

"The Irish culture at that time had no written language besides Ogham,
which was not intended for storing large quantities of
information--mostly it was a system of hash marks intended for quick
notations and brief messages. Their learned people had to memorize
VAST amounts of information to attain their positions, and pretty much
everyone who can't read or write has to do the same thing. Julie would
have developed his memorization ability highly, but it would still
take him time to keep track of and sort through all that information
when he needed it, since looking things up or taking notes is an even
bigger problem for him. That would slow him down in many situations.
He would have had to learn to act without thinking too much in some
cases--and act very methodically, systematically, in others. Once
again without thinking too much, it would take unworkable amounts of
his attention."

"Verbal language is an allegorical system, too. It ought to appear
just as random as written if what you're saying is true. But it's also
true that the brain is wired in mysterious ways; it is possible he has
a specific disorder that prevents him from recognizing visual symbols
and interpreting them, while aural ones give him much less trouble."

"Yes, that's it exactly, that's what I was thinking. I'll need your
help, of course, you'll know about the behavioral and psychological
aspects of what we may be dealing with. Another thing--those drawings.
I could learn to do that, given time and practice. He needed neither,
and his hand-eye coordination hasn't been specifically enhanced like
mine has. As I said to him, it takes more than good hands to be able
to do something like what he did with those drawings."

"You think his...ability there might be related to a visual
information processing *deficiency* in another area--symbols."

"Right. I think he has no trouble with drawings, diagrams, specs, that
sort of thing. The objects themselves make perfect sense to him. But
he can't read anything about it because all those little marks look
like a random mess to him. He can't make connections there."

"It's quite possible, Julian, but we really need more information
before we make a diagnosis like that. A lot more."

"That's why we're here. And I'll need you to administer the sort of
one-on-one aptitude tests he'll need."

"Thanks. With his patience, or lack of it, he'll be snarling inside
ten minutes."

"Not at you, he won't." I smiled encouragingly.

"We may wind up having to rethink our whole treatment program," she
said.

"I think we can consider that a given," I said. "Listen, I need to
talk to Miles. Could you wait with Julie? I don't want him getting
nervous. He loses his ability to concentrate when he lets himself get
too flustered."

"I'll stay with him. What do you need Miles for? Information on
Druids?"

"I need him in his area of expertise. No, not Irish folklore.
Engineering."

---

"Julian, I'm upside down in a service conduit," came Miles's voice up
to where I was in lower pylon two. "Can't this wait?"

"I just have a couple of quick questions."

"What about?"

"Altering certain devices to affect quantum spatial mechanics."

There was a silence. I smirked. Then a low growling noise--it sounds
like a cougar when Julie does it; with Miles, it's a bear--wafted up
from below. "Hold on a minute, I'm coming up."

He did; I grabbed his arms to help pull him out. Once he had his feet
under him, he said "All right, what's this about? Our friends from
over yonder, aye, I figured, but what else is there to say about how
they got here?"

"I need you to do some research for me. Only you would know where to
look for the information I need. I'm going to ask Dax a few things as
well, but it won't be the same as talking to Jadzia; Ezri has her
memories, but she can't make the intuitive leaps Jadzia could in the
area of physics."

"I know that. Tell me what you need and let me get back to work, all
right?"

I reeled off a few questions; he pondered a moment and said "That may
take some time. You're effectively asking me to find the source of a
problem that doesn't, technically, exist."

"I know, but if you can make any headway at all, it might help
reassure Captain Sisko and the Admiralty."

"God, ye're a pain when ye're in love, know that?"

Realizing I was being fully as obnoxious as everyone says I am when I
get enthusiastic about something, I kissed him on the mouth. He
spluttered and swatted at me. "Gor, Julian, cut it out!"

"Thank you, Miles, I owe you."

"Damned right you do. The things you put me through..." turning his
face so that I wouldn't see the big smile he'd already failed to hide,
he started back down the duct.

---

I returned to the infirmary. "How's it--oh my." I hurried back toward
the surgery. "What happened? Julie, put my chief surgical nurse down,
please." He had Luma by the upper arms, her feet swinging clear of the
floor. A thorough professional, Luma Saire; she wasn't panicking and
had apparently warned the staff away, since they were in the surgery
alone, except for Ezri.

"I told her not to touch me," he growled, and let Luma fall. She
landed on her feet and stumbled once.

"Julie! She's a *nurse*!"

Julie's gaze warred with hers a moment. Then he turned back to the
table, drooping. "In my universe," he said quietly, "she's the
daughter of the Intendant of Empok Nor. And she's insatiable. She
spent most of her vacations with Leveren."

"Oh, no..." I went to him and laid my hands on his shoulders. "I'm
sorry, love."

"No, I should know better than that." He looked at Luma. "I'm sorry.
Especially after what you...did for...you see, you startled me. I
hadn't realized it was...that you were her, I hadn't heard your name,
then I did recognize you and you..."

"I was opening his collar to give him the two-mil ampoule of
andelizine, Doctor," she explained softly. "Counselor, I think you can
handle most of what I had left to do. Would you mind taking over for
me?"

"Not at all," said Ezri. She covered Julie's hand with her own as he
swung back up onto the table. Luma took a quiet exit.

"I hope I didn't upset her too much," Julie said quietly.

I said "Have Miles tell you about the time he came in contact with a
vegetable poison in the Gamma quadrant that made him delirious, and he
punched her in the face."

"What did she do?"

"Punched him back," Ezri said matter-of-factly, "knocked him on his
can. Then she sedated him. He didn't lift a finger to stop her."

Julie smiled.

"His can?" I wondered.

"Um, rear. I heard Kashi say it," Ezri muttered.

I slid the hypo gently under Julie's collar. "Here, love. It'll make
you a little sleepy, but it won't knock you out."

"What is it for?"

"It regulates some of what we call surface chatter so the deep scan
comes out clearer. Most people think a low dosage of andelizine is
pleasant. Though I know you're more attracted to stimulants."

"Only when I need them," he said mildly. "You're right. It's nice." He
caught my hand and kissed my palm. I couldn't help smiling, especially
when Ezri did.

He snickered. "Oh God spare us. It's making me all sweetness and
light. I don't think the quadrant's ready for it."

"This one is," Ezri reassured him, patting his shoulder. "Our Julian's
like that most of the time. We need you to look up toward this light
and just relax, okay? This won't take too long."

"How long?"

"Half an hour maybe."

"How tedious. Am I allowed to blink?"

I chuckled. "What do you think we're trying to do, give you cataracts?
Of course you can blink. Ezri, if you would, I'll have the results
coming up over here, I need you to tag the pulse types as they come
through."

"Right, Julian."

"Be right back, love." I kissed Julie's forehead and started for the
lab.

---

"Since when does 'be right back' mean 'I'm throwing you to the
clutches of my staff, who will take so many samples of you you'll no
longer be sure you're here'?"

I looked around from the screen. "I'm sorry, I got caught up. Are they
through with you?"

"Unless you have some sort of detector in here that alerts someone if
a patient still contains any blood. Look at this." He turned and
pulled his hair over one shoulder; I couldn't see anything, but I
cackled, because I knew what he meant. "It'll grow back, love. Here,
let me..." I got up and took him to the main ward and sat him on a
biobed, then asked Carter for a follicle stimulator. "I won't even
make you wait for it. Now, where have they defiled that beauteous mane
of yours?"

He took the stimulator. "Just let me do it."

"No, you'd better let me. You can't see what you're doing and you
don't want to wind up with the hairline of a Klingon."

He shrugged and handed the instrument back to me. "Here," he said,
pointing to the snipped area. I was forced to take his word for it. We
do like to take samples of as many kinds of tissue as possible, but
it's not as though we need much of any one thing.

"This will take a few minutes, just relax."

"What are you doing that's so fascinating, anyway?"

"I procured my DNA records from Edigion Prime--where my enhancements
were done. I've been running your scan and sample results as they come
through against my records from before the enhancements, then after. I
wish we could get hold of your records from before the time you were
enhanced, but I suppose that's impossible."

"You suppose correctly for once. So what's the point of it?"

"Mostly just comparison, probably, additional data to determine
whether you were mentally enhanced or not, and just exactly what was
manipulated to perform the enhancements they did do on you. I don't
really need to run it myself, but it's quite fascinating. It will take
a little more time; we don't know *entirely* what may be important,
not knowing the exact avenues they took to do what they did--there are
several theoretical ways to wind up with an end result of increased
stamina, for instance--and we still don't have the entire human gene
code mapped. There is a great deal of extra material concerning
antennae and such which we can eliminate right off, but you must
understand that the actual changes made affected an infinitesimal
amount of our coding, in either of our cases; the amount of DNA humans
have as compared to--"

"I know, I know. One gene missing or encoded wrong, and you have a
lump of protoplasm rather than a human, the uncountable number of
codings that exist notwithstanding. I'm capable of fathoming that
much."

"That may be a little extreme, but you've got the idea, right enough.
So far, the only thing the computer is willing to swear to is that all
three samples came from the same person to within a probability of
several billions to one. All done, love." I switched the stimulator
off and set it on a supply tray behind me, then turned and moved up to
the biobed where he sat with his legs hanging off the side, and leaned
against the edge, between his knees, sliding my hands under his thighs
to scoot him out closer to me. He was half a head over me, owing to
the height of the biobed.

Scowling, he laid his hands on my shoulders as I put mine on his
waist. "Really, this kind of behavior in your own infirmary? How
un-Federation of you, sir Professional Idealism."

I knew that, but I was still worried and insecure, so bloody purgatory
with it. I leaned in close. "There's no one around at the moment," I
said.

He pulled back. "Anyone might walk in," he scolded.

"I wasn't going to strip you naked," I smiled cajolingly at him. "Come
here."

"Isn't there *anything* I can do or say to honestly annoy you?" he
sighed.

I made a considered study of the infirmary ceiling, mouth pursed in
thought. "Hmmm...no, there isn't. Not today, I'm afraid. I'm too wound
up in the possibilities." I whispered in his ear. "Aren't you excited
about all this?"

"As far as the sorts of things you're hoping for, about me, I'm
reserving judgement. But I *do* like where you're standing." He locked
his ankles together behind me and hugged me with his legs as well,
kissing me.

"You *can* still feel it?" I whispered, almost inaudible. I knew he
must, but after yesterday, I thought I could forgive myself for
needing to hear it.

"Yes," he whispered back. "Everything. I love you. Julian...I don't
want to hurt you again. I'll sleep on the couch."

"I don't like that idea."

"You imbecile," he murmured, "I nearly *killed* you--" his voice
vanished into a choked whisper on the last two words.

"I know, shh...we'll think of something."

We kissed again until I started thinking I might have lied about
stripping him naked, which wouldn't have been problematic, he was in
an infirmary smock. We started losing track of where we were and his
legs closed even tighter around me. I felt his hands sliding down my
back and my own fingers twisting in his smock...

"Gentlemen. I do hope I'm not interrupting."

I jumped; Julie didn't, but the kiss broke anyway. I started to spin
toward the voice, but Julie's grip on me held me half-trapped, making
me stumble instead of step away from the bed. "Garak! Not at all. What
can I do for you?"

He held up a hand. "I assisted the Constable in subduing an
altercation in Quark's between a Nausicaan and a--"

"Good Lord!" I seized his hand. There was a fork stuck through the
edge of his palm, the tines just barely protruding out the other side.
"Akula! Ten cc's of indesol, now--come on, Garak--" I dragged him
toward the surgery. "You're very calm for a man with an extremity
impaled on a fork."

"The pain is swimming upstream against the kanaar the Constable and I
were sharing."

"I didn't know Odo drank kanaar. Or much of anything, anymore."

"This variety contains bubbles. Think of it as thick champagne."

We got his hand over a sterile tray and, after Akula gave him the
blocking shot, I said "Hold him steady, Carter, Akula, ready with the
platelet activator..." I gripped the handle of the fork and jerked.
Blood spurted.

"Ah," Garak observed, glassy-eyed, "it appears a small artery was
severed."

"Looks that way," I said, still working.

"I do apologize for the blood, Doctor, I know how particular you are
about the condition of the infirmary carpet." "It'll wash. Just hold
still. Why didn't Odo bring you here?"

"He's conducting the miscreants to detention, of course. I assured him
I was quite capable of navigating on my own. Besides, I'm fairly sure
he didn't know the extent of the injury. I *am* indebted to your
lovely young friend Leeta; she doubled the Nausicaan in question over
with a formidable kick to his midsection, or this fork would have
landed in my throat."

"Leeta *could* work as a bouncer there if Quark would have it. She
understands the mechanics of a bar fight as well as anyone. Now, you
shouldn't be able to feel this..."

"You only say that when you're certain I *am* going to feel something,
Julian."

"Just close your eyes and think of Cardassia...there. That wasn't so
bad, was it? I want you to stay here a moment while the vascular
regenerator finishes up. I'm going for some antibiotics. Thank you,
Akula, you can unblock him now, the shot should be sufficient to
control any residual pain." When I turned toward the entrance, I saw
Julie leaning against the wall, watching thoughtfully. As I passed
him, I murmured "Come on, you really shouldn't be in here."

"I only want to give him a kind word. I *have* so enjoyed his
company."

I eyed him, but he is capable of presenting a completely blank
countenance when he wants to. I shook my head and continued to the
pharmacy.

When I came back, Akula and Carter were in the surgery finishing
cleanup, and Julie was in the main ward with Garak; Julie was on a
biobed in a
don't-anyone-try-to-tell-me-was-*not*-supposed-to-be-seductive pose.
He is the only person whom I've ever seen an infirmary smock drape on
quite so artistically. His legs curled to one side, his weight on one
palm, his other hand was gracefully stroking what had been Garak's
injured one.

"Yes, quite sure," Garak was saying, fairly steadily, but the kanaar
was making things a little difficult for him. For instance, he was
letting Julie's fingers caress his in a way I'm quite certain he
wouldn't have allowed if he'd been perfectly sober. I could see the
way that touch felt from across the room--not because Garak was *that*
obvious; I simply knew firsthand what it felt like.

Before Julie could blasted start massaging Elim's neck ridges as well,
I reached them and hypoed Garak firmly. "There. Gods alone know what
might have been on that fork, but that should take care of almost
everything. If you do have any further trouble, of course, begin to
feel ill or if there's any swelling or discomfort with the hand, get
back here on the double and we'll take care of it."

"Of course, Doctor. Thank you for your--as-always--prompt and thorough
attention." He bowed slightly to me and started to turn for the door,
but paused, nodding to Julie. "And yours as well."

"Any time," Julie smiled, eyes glittering. I stared. He'd said it in
Kardasi. Which I don't speak; the main comm translator informed me of
the words' content.

Their gazes clung together just a moment past the point of propriety;
then Garak turned and left. Julie's eyes closed and he began to
giggle.

"Listen, you...you teasing minx," I growled at him, moving in close to
grab his shoulder, "just what is this all about? This game you're
playing with Garak."

"You're actually *concerned*? Can it be that his dream is not as
impossible as he thinks? But if you're worried, I haven't told him
that you know. Though your awful performance at lunch the other day
may have--"

"I didn't think you had. I just don't like the way you take advantage
of an infatuation he has with *me* to play with his feelings. It makes
me feel responsible for it."

"But we are two such different people, after all," he countered, his
vocal inflection suspiciously like Garak's own. "If his
seven-year...'infatuation' with you...is shallow enough that he can be
distracted so easily by *me*--simply because I look like you--it can't
be deep enough to cause him much grief, now, can it?"

"You don't just look like me, Julie, you *are* me, a me that could
have been, and vice versa. There's something else to this, that you're
not telling--could this have anything to do with your universe's
version of Garak?"

"Why should it?"

"Because from what I gathered when Nerys and I were there, your Garak
actually made the Intendant look like an angel of mercy when it came
to dealing with Terran slaves and workers."

"Yes, he did have quite the reputation. But he's dead."

"I know that. You aren't getting some kind of vicarious thrill out of
tormenting this one, are you?"

"Don't you think we should finish this talk in your quarters, Julian?"

I hadn't noticed that we were no longer alone; some of my staff had
been moving through on their usual business, and though we were still
speaking in whispers that didn't seem to have been overheard, he was
right; I still had work to finish, a lot of it to do with his case.
"You're right. We should. I just...hate to see you doing things like
that. You're more than perceptive enough to understand why." I touched
his cheek briefly.

His scowl softened. "It's not hurting me. I told you, love. It doesn't
mean anything to me."

It was the first time he'd called me anything but Julian, or something
sarcastic.

"Maybe not," I told him, equally softly. "And perhaps that's why it
upsets me so much. I hate to think of..." I trailed off, helpless.

He covered my hand with his. "All right. If you don't like to look at
it, I promise you, you won't have to again." He leaned close and
whispered "Unless it's for you. It's not meaningless then...I enjoy
it. Good enough?"

No, it wasn't, he was weaseling. But for the moment it would have to
do. I sighed. "You speak Kardasi?"

"Of course. I can't read it...but I also speak panBajoran, which as
far as I can tell doesn't exist in this universe, and the Imperial
Klingon language. Oh, nothing very technical or...well, some
specialized things. Nothing a...courtesan wouldn't need to know,
except in a few instances, things I've picked up since--then."

I shook my head, partly at his word choice--he was obviously trying to
spare my feelings--and partly at what he'd said. "Perhaps someday I'll
manage to stop being so startled every time you drop another amazing
parcel in my lap like that." I glanced around. No one was looking; I
stole a quick kiss before helping him down from the table to dress.

"Julian..." Julie actually just smiled at me a moment; then the look
turned impish. "You know, even that fork couldn't keep Garak from
reacting to the sight of us at each other a bit ago. I don't know
where exactly he'd have gone just now; but I can guarantee you he
won't be back at work for a while."

I closed my eyes. "Rotting bloody hell. I didn't even think of that."

"I can believe it. Seven years of blank stupidity. And after all, you
have taken the concept of self-absorption to new heights."

"Stop it or jokes like that will take over our lives. Go put some
*clothes* on, you're making me crazy."

"At long last. I'd nearly given up hope."

"Go." I swatted him surreptitiously and beat an unfeigned and
undisguised retreat to the lab.

---
TWENTY:
"I am the eye in the sky--looking at you, I can read your
mind..."

Alan Parsons Project
---

Having pulled on a pair of dark canvas trousers and one of Julian's
uniform tank shirts, Julie strolled down the Promenade, gazing around
him at what seemed an unbelievable parody of the station he knew. It
was enough to make anyone laugh out loud. He stared unabashedly at the
unbelievable number of different sentient species represented,
strolling along as though they hadn't a care in the world, taking no
notice of each other. Federation. He wondered just how many species
the Federation comprised. Most of the research he'd done so far had
been with an eye to taking useful information back to his own universe
with him; and, recently, some more pointed investigations, but he
hadn't really had a moment just to satisfy his curiosity.

"Dr. Bashir."

Hearing the name, he turned automatically. Yet another species
represented; Betazoid, it looked like. "Yes?"

"Do you remember me? We attended a medical conference on Illyria Prime
together."

"Illyria Prime was plundered into a desert years ago by the
Cardassians."

She blinked. "Excuse me?"

He smirked. "I'm afraid I'm not who you think I am. Doctor Bashir is
in the infirmary. I'm...a relative of his."

"Oh! The resemblance is incredible. Though I suppose your hair should
have tipped me off. My name is Deanna Troi. I'm chief counselor for
the USS Enterprise."

"I'm...uhm...call me Julie. Julie Bashir."

She blinked. "Short for Julian, too? What on Earth possessed your
parents?"

"I don't think I'll ever know that," he said softly. "Julian will be
off duty in a few hours, if you're here to see him."

"I'm just passing through. The ship is making a short layover so our
captain can meet with Captain Sisko for a subspace conference with the
Marchioness's captain and Starfleet Command. But I thought it might be
nice to say hello to Dr. Bashir, though I'm actually looking for the
O'Briens."

"I know where their quarters are. Do you want me to show you?"

"I don't want to barge in..."

"So call them first then."

She blinked, then smiled. "Good idea." She tapped her badge. "Troi to
O'Brien."

"O'Brien. Counselor? The Enterprise has docked?"

"Yes, just a few minutes ago. Are you busy? I'd like to come say hello
and see the children."

"Keiko's home, with...uh, with a friend of hers. I'll be bringing the
kids home after my shift's over--they're at the care center right now,
if you'd like to see them there."

"Perhaps I will. We should be here long enough for me to see you,
too--and Geordi wanted to, as well, though he's tied up on the ship at
the moment. Everyone else hopes they'll at least be able to say
hello."

"I'll be looking forward to it. Good to hear your voice, Deanna.
Always has made me feel everything's going to be all right," he
chuckled.

She smiled again. "A counselor can hardly receive higher praise. Troi
out."

"O'Brien out."

"Shall I then?" Julie asked, slightly impatient. "Keiko's friend is a
friend of mine, too."

"By all means."

He waved her after him and started toward the habitat ring.

"How are you related to Julian?" Deanna asked. "It must be fairly
closely. You could be his twin."

"Closer than that. It's kind of a long story; you know about Julian's
visit to what you people call the Mirror universe?"

"Captain Kirk and his crew's visit there is required study at the
Academy. It's called the Mirror universe because it's a quantum
reality at such a nearly reversed mathematical juxtaposition to ours.
That's why it's comparatively easy to access; the alteration of the
signatures in question is relatively simple."

"Well. That's where I hail from."

"Then you *are* Julian."

"That's right."

"What brings you here? Starfleet policy..."

"Julian and I know all about Starfleet policy," he said shortly.
"Captain Sisko knows I'm here."

"Your emanations aren't much like Julian's, except that both of your
minds are constantly running at high speed."

He glanced sharply at her. "Would you kindly refrain from reading my
mind? I don't care for it."

"I'm not reading it; you broadcast like a subspace relay station."

"Lovely."

"It's all right; I can't read your individual thoughts. I'm only half
Betazoid."

"What's different between his emanations and mine?"

"He's very open and responsive. And a very loving person, I can sense
that even when he's disgruntled. You..."

"Closed, unresponsive and hostile?"

"Not quite. On the surface. But there is something...forgive me,
unasked-for analysis is never constructive. But the opportunity to
sense your emanations as opposed to his piques my professional
curiosity."

"Well, counselor, I could unload myself on you and you'd understand
just why we're not identical in many regards, but I'm frankly not in
the mood. Besides, we're here." He stopped by the O'Brien's door and
sounded the signal. The door slid open.

"Hello, Kei..." Deanna trailed off. Julie snickered. Kashi, sitting on
the couch next to Keiko, looked around and smiled, waving.

"Deanna! Come in! Kashi, this is my friend Deanna Troi, I was on the
Enterprise with her. Deanna, this is..."

"Ishikawa," Kashi said, flowing up to Deanna like a midnight river,
taking her hand and bowing over it. "Kashi, to a lady as lovely as
you."

Deanna smiled broadly. "Why, thank you, Kashi."

"I see you've met my partner in quantum signature," Kashi said,
raising back up, not letting go of Deanna's hand. "You haven't been
too rude, have you, Julian?"

"Just a little," Julie shrugged.

"Well," Kashi said, "if you're here to visit, you likely want to see
the children, so Julie and I--sorry, Julian--"

"Forget it. I'm beginning to get used to it."

"--we should be taking our leave."

"We thought it was best if Kashi didn't meet the children," Keiko
explained as she came up to hug Deanna. Kashi somewhat grudgingly
released Deanna's hand for it.

"I understand," Deanna said. She looked at Julie and Kashi. "If we
don't happen to meet again before I leave, it's a pleasure to know you
both."

"The pleasure is entirely ours," Kashi smiled, one step from batting
her eyelashes. Julie nodded absently, took Kashi's hand and dragged
her to the door and through. "Later, Keiko," Kashi called back as the
door closed over her.

"You're a goat, Kay," Julie growled as they started down the corridor.

"RrrOWWWLL!" Kashi replied, eyes huge. "What a...an...did you *see*
those *eyes*? She was incredible!"

"Yes, very pretty."

"She was *stunning*! You can't tell me you didn't notice."

"Oh, I noticed. I happen to be enamored of someone else at the
moment."

"Yeah, I guess. Well, she was every bit as beautiful as you or
Julian."

He glanced sharply at her.

"What?" she wondered.

"I didn't know you..."

"Hey, men may not float my boat quite all the way to the harbor, but I
know something beautiful when I see it. Say, you want to get a drink
at Quark's?"

"Why not. My thumbscan charges to Julian," Julie grinned. "Though
eleven hundred hours is a bit early for ale."

"So you can drink raktajino."

"I thought you and another counselor were having it off together
anyway," Julie wondered.

"Another counselor?"

"Troi is one too. That's why she said hello to me; she knows Julian."

"Oh. Well yeah, we are, and I don't bounce like a ball from one bed to
the next, but that doesn't mean I can't, ah, keep my hand in, as it
were."

"That was awful."

"So are you, you sour thing."

"Watch it or you'll be getting bombed in the middle of the day alone."

"I'm not gonna get bombed. Just a little loose, maybe."

"Where's Ezri?"

"She's working. Didn't you see her this morning?"

"How'd you know? Oh, of course. Forget it."

"I was in the shower when she left. She told me where she was going."

"Do you think..."

"Think what?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

"It's about Ezri?"

"I just wondered if you thought you might...be..."

"In love with her? Um, no, though I guess if we were together long
enough I definitely could be. I like her a whole lot. I respect her.
She gets me really, really--"

"I get the idea." Julie sighed.

"Something wrong?" Kashi asked softly.

"It's Julian."

"He okay?"

"I think he really loves me. I don't know...I don't know if I can..."

"Wait a minute, I thought you loved *him* too."

"I *do*. I'm just not used to being..." he shook his head and growled.

She was quiet a moment, then said "You aren't used to people caring
about you?"

"Only you and Jadzia. You were so long ago, and she's...she was
different, it wasn't like this. I can't believe the way I feel, Kay. I
couldn't believe he felt the same way. But I think he does. He was
honestly afraid I...wouldn't keep loving him, that I'd..."

"Retreat. From feeling, from him, like that?"

"Yes. I don't understand. How could he think that?"

"I get the feeling Julian hasn't had a lot of luck with this kind of
thing. He looks at you...it's like he's in pain just being around you,
but he can't stand not to be. You know. In love."

"Have you ever been?"

"Yes. I loved you first, though I know that's not what you mean.
There've been one or two people since then, but you know what my life
is like, has been for years." They'd reached Quark's, and entered.

They found a table near the main Promenade entrance and sat, were
approached by a waiter and gave their order.

"I could get used to this place," Kashi murmured. "In general, I mean,
not Quark's. This universe."

"You're thinking of staying?"

She eyed him. "Are you?"

"I don't know. Julian's people wouldn't let him come back with me;
they'd find him and bring him home. And prosecute him. And it wouldn't
be hard to find him, either, I'm bloody second-in-command of the
Terran resistance. Far too visible for him to hide."

"You could give up the position."

"How can I do that? The only one who might replace me, who can do what
I do as far as holding the rebels together with Smiley's factions, is
T'ser, and she's badly needed where she is."

"Then you'll have to give up Julian."

"I can't. I've only just found him. I don't...as long as he wants me,
I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him."

"Then you've got a very serious problem."

"We know." Julie accepted his raktajino and sipped from it. Kashi took
a slug of ale. "We...don't know yet what we're going to do. He's told
me not to give up, that there are still things he can try...Kashi, I
told him I'd stay if he asked me to, if they'd let me."

She blinked. "It sounds like you *have* made up your mind."

"I wasn't lying. I would stay. But I don't know how I'd live with
myself."

"If you stayed...would you want me to stay?"

His gaze flashed up to her; he was quiet a moment. Then he said softly
"I don't want to lose you either, Kay, but I couldn't ask that of you.
I'm asking enough of myself and Julian."

"Like I said, I might be able to get used to it here. I don't know.
You still don't know what's going to happen with you, so..." Her eyes
suddenly flicked to the Promenade. She made a motion too fast to
follow with her right arm, then went back to her ale.

There was a scream from outside. A scuffling pile of people developed
on the other side of the Promenade. Julie watched with mild interest.
"What was that?"

"Saw someone grab a kid and start to run off with it."

"What'd you use?"

"Blunt star."

"Where'd you hit him?"

"Midface right side, drew a slash starting under the corner of the
eye. Lodged the star in the cheekbone. How's the raktajino?"

"A little sweet...hm. There's Odo. Can you tell what they're saying?"

She cocked her head. "He's telling everyone there's nothing to see.
The Bajoran I saw grab the kid dropped him; the kid's screaming for
his mother. She's picking him up, telling Odo that the guy I pegged is
her ex-husband. He doesn't have custody for the same reason she
divorced him, he's abusive." She had another slug of ale.

"Nice of you not to blind him."

"He wouldn't have stayed blind here, anyway. I need another ale..."

"I thought you weren't planning on making a lunge for oblivion."

"I'm not. You know how much alcohol it takes to affect me--what good
is a drunk bodyguard? Waiter!"

"Here comes Odo. Shall we save him some time?"

"Sure. Odo!" Kashi waved at him. "Over here!"

He looked at them and came over. "Yes, Ms. Ishikawa?"

"It was me. That was my star in his face. Have you got it?"

"Yes, but I'm afraid it's being impounded pending the completion of
proceedings. You'll get it back when they're over."

"I can deal with that. I guess you want me to come with you?"

"If you'll answer a few questions for me right here, it won't be
necessary."

"Sure thing. I saw the man yank the kid out of the woman's arms and
start to run. I nailed him. That's it."

"For all you knew, he might have been the child's legitimate
guardian."

"I know furtive when I see it. That guy was screaming guilt all over
the promenade." "I see...and you were able to ascertain that from this
distance, with a crowd in the way?"

"It used to be my job to ascertain things like that. I'm enhanced for
it."

"I see...in that case, thank you for your quick action, though in
future I would prefer that you remembered this station has a
constabulary for a reason."

"Sure thing," she said offhandedly, accepting another ale.

There was a stir from outside and suddenly a shape bolted through the
crowd toward Quark's. Odo heard the commotion and started to turn just
as the man was passing. Julie stuck his foot out. The man flew three
meters and crashed into a blood-smeared heap on a Dabo table.

"This ale's from a different distilling," Kashi muttered. "Not as much
bite."

"Send it back."

"I didn't say it wasn't any good. He hurt your ankle?"

"No, it's fine. Waiter! Another raktajino."

Odo rolled his eyes and harrumphed. "A few genetic enhancements and
everyone's a hero."

---

"Dax, Doctor. I trust this is good news?" The Captain stood as we
entered the wardroom.

"Yes, sir, and we've got some very interesting ideas," I said, working
hard not to literally bounce up and down. Ezri put her hand on my
shoulder and I calmed slightly.

"Counselor Troi," Sisko said as Deanna came in behind us. They clasped
hands as Deanna said "Good to see you again, Captain." Miles came in
behind Deanna; the Captain looked strangely at him but continued
speaking with Troi.

"Have you been working with Dax and the doctor on this case?"

"Briefly. I was able to add some insights to their findings after
meeting Captain Bashir."

"I can just imagine." We all sat, Ezri and Deanna on one side, Miles
and I on the other.

"In brief," Ezri began, "Julian's intuitive leap appears to have been
largely correct; exactly how correct we won't know until work with
Julie has progressed farther. Using some of the equipment Julian's
friends from the institute modified to help work with Sarina Douglas,
he and Dr. Guirani were able to determine that Julie's connective
pathways--which as you know are the most obvious indication of what we
think of as intelligence--are abnormal only in certain respects. After
going over the data, Deanna and I believe Julie actually has a
disorder somewhat similar to Sarina's--"

"Only superficially," I jumped in.

"Superficially will do," Sisko said smoothly. "Continue, please, Old
Man."

"Sarina's brain was attempting to function at two different speeds, or
more than two, and was out of synch, making it impossible for her to
keep continual track of her surroundings--and most importantly, making
it extremely difficult for her to communicate. Sarina, however, was
far more at home with written language than with spoken; Julie
experiences the opposite effect."

Deanna spoke up. "Captain Bashir is trapped not by a synergistic
malfunction, but by the fact that his methods of observing,
processing, storing, and retrieving certain forms of information are
unique to him, and incompatible with the way most biped sentients
perform all those functions. He is not deficient in intelligence,
Captain Sisko; I can sense a very sharp intellect very clearly. He
simply can't understand the world around him, in some areas...but it
could as easily be said that the world around him is incapable of
understanding him. His brain and mind's methods are as systematic as
ours. It's just his very own system."

"And it not being a randomizing problem that he's dealing with is the
reason that by focusing, concentrating very hard, he *can* interface
with other information systems," Ezri picked up again. "He translates.
He's had all his life to learn to do it, and some of the things he's
been through helped him learn to narrow that focus even further--even
as those things disrupted his concentration in other areas."

"Not only that," I spoke up, "but with all that chatter going on in
there, as he has to make one manual connection after another through
the way his own mind processes, he winds up with a situation
that...well...it explains his emotional states, in part. Much of that
is simply trauma, behavioral. But part of it makes it impossible for
him to keep his...well..."

"His cool," Miles said quietly. "Sir, the way they explained it to me
was that Julie's got several sets of dedicated hardware in his head
trying to work together, but they're all from different and
incompatible technological systems. Like the hell we have with the
Cardassian technology here on the station."

"Hm." I could see Sisko was thinking that he perhaps should just have
asked Miles for the diagnosis right off. Deanna and Ezri and I all
exchanged a mildly embarrassed glance and Ezri picked back up.

"In any case, Benjamin, part of the therapy we've been working on is
behavioral, psychological; and part Dr. Bashir would conduct."

"'Would' conduct?"

"This is a new therapy, sir," I said, "and before I can initiate it
I'll have to run it by Fleet Medical. There are aspects...similar to
the genetic resequencing that was performed on me."

Sisko's eyes widened. "I'm going to assume that you did *not* walk in
here expecting to propose genetic enhancement on Captain Bashir."

"No, sir. As I said, similar, not identical. Technically nothing
illegal...but the factors are combined in an unprecedented way."

"Really, sir," Deanna added, "if Dr. Bashir were not...who he is, this
would probably not occur to anyone as an issue. Genetic therapy is not
the same thing as genetic enhancement."

"I'm aware of that. You're saying this falls into a grey area?"

"It might. Legally speaking, because of the specific methods. But
practically speaking, no," Deanna answered. "The end result is
correction of a disorder, nothing more."

"Well, something more," I said. Sisko looked at me. So did Ezri and
Deanna, and their looks spoke volumes. "Ahm," I continued, "we can't
deactivate the neural net Julie already has. The result of the
treatment would be that he would be able to process information the
way we do--and the way he does. Without having to translate, one to
the other."

"I see. And this would give him...special abilities."

"There's no way to tell that for certain, sir," I said. "In fact, this
procedure would not be without risk to him. He's already indicated his
willingness, but..."

"What sort of risk, Doctor?"

"It's possible," Deanna started again, "that the two systems
would...interfere with each other."

"Wouldn't that make his situation worse?" Sisko puzzled.

"Once again, it might. Or it might only make it different. Or...there
is the possibility of a...joining between the two systems."

"An emergent property, they told me," Miles supplied. "The whole may
wind up greater than the sum of the parts."

Sisko sighed and leaned back in his chair. "So Captain Bashir might
wind up able to process information either the way he does, or the way
we do, at will. That was the effect you were hoping for?"

"It's the one we believe most likely, sir," Deanna said.

Sisko continued "Or he could wind up with the two systems crossfiring,
interfering with each other, to such a degree that he either
experiences no great increase in his quality of life, or he
experiences a decrease, correct?"

"A remote possibility, but yes, sir," I sighed.

"Or thirdly, he might wind up with an intellect of a power and breadth
of scope that you can't currently predict or even begin to describe?"

"That would be the third possibility," Ezri nodded.

"You never throw me the easy ones, Julian. I take it you need me at
bat for you again with Fleet?"

"Um...I was rather hoping for that, sir. But only if it comes to it."

"I've written a psychological evaluation of Dr. Bashir in connection
with this matter," Deanna said. "For inclusion with his report. It's
my professional opinion that Julian sees the possibilities and
ramifications of this matter clearly, and has no motive in mind other
than the most conservative possible treatment of this patient that
will give the greatest chance of success."

"Despite the fact that this treatment could be seen, in some lights,
as genetic enhancement, a subject to which the Doctor is rather
close."

"Yes, sir."

"Despite the fact that the patient *is* Julian Bashir."

"Yes, sir."

"Despite the fact that Doctor Bashir is in love with this patient."

"Yes, sir."

Sisko sighed one of his blustery sighs. "Deanna, I know your
reputation. If you're willing to go out on a limb for this, then I
suppose I'm willing to follow you there. I hope it holds us both."

"I spoke to my CMO and Captain Picard, sir. They're standing at the
bottom of the tree with a net," Deanna smiled. Sisko smiled back at
her.

Then he looked at Miles. "I suppose you're not only here to offer the
Doctor moral support."

"No, but we haven't really got to me yet, sir. You three want to
finish?"

I nodded. "The treatments themselves--the one's I'd be
performing--wouldn't take that long. But evaluating their efficacy
would take more time. And Dax's part of Julie's therapy would of
course take longer."

I thought we might have tipped over the cart with that one. Sisko just
stared at me a moment. I reassured myself that Sisko is not the kind
of CO to hold a man's hand one day and have him spaced in his
underwear a week later, and waited.

He licked his lips. "How long?"

"At least a month. Maybe two...maybe..." Ezri said in a small voice,
cutting off the comment as Sisko's features congealed.

"Which brings us to me," Miles said brightly, hopping with alacrity
out of his chair almost before the last word left Ezri's mouth. "I've
been doing some more research into the Mirror phenomenon--as you know,
it's been an interest of mine for many years..." Miles set up the
computer, using data from a padd. He then entered into the most
spectacular song-and-dance I have ever seen that God-lovely man
perform. I don't know if Sisko was fooled. *I* was bloody near fooled,
and it wasn't hard to see that the good people at the Admiralty would
be fooled, because they had not the slightest forsaken hope of
following any of it. Miles is good; he would have made sure that it
all *could* be followed by someone with enough specialized knowledge.
There would be no holes discovered by the Engineering branch. But as
far as transporter technology goes, no one in Starfleet *has* as much
specialized knowledge as Miles.

"And at this point I'll cede the floor to Lieutenant Dax, who will go
over some of the theoretical physics involved; Jadzia and I used to
work together frequently on these projects," Miles said, and beat a
retreat to his chair. Trepidatiously, Ezri got up and tapped keys on
the display.

"As you can see," she said, and a word came out of her mouth that must
have had fourteen syllables in it. She did stop to define it, but it
didn't help.

The reason they'd gone to such effort was the same thing Miles had
complained about when I asked him to do the research. The Admiralty
was worried that things we knew not what of might be occurring to the
fabric of spacetime as a result of travel between our universe and the
Mirrorverse. They wanted to know that there were no such dangers
before they allowed such passage on a regular basis or for extended
lengths of time. The fact that there was no information whatsoever to
base the suspicions on, or to begin from as a point of reference to
conduct experiments to *test* for dangers, made rather less than no
difference to them. "You're Starfleet, by God, and we want *answers*,"
was their motto.

So the obvious course is to brainstorm, look at the technology, the
history of transuniversal travel, and come up with whatever problems
might potentially present themselves under whatever combinations of
conditions, and troubleshoot. This is a bad idea, at least when you're
dealing with Fleet. All that does is make them ten times as nervous
and a hundred times less likely to be cooperative. It doesn't matter
if you show them the precautions you've taken to forestall the
occurrence of any of these completely hypothetical dangers; the end
result is they think the whole undertaking is *far* too dangerous to
waste any more time on and sink the entire project.

In this case, that translated to Kashi and Julie being sent home with
all possible speed, medical attention received or no.

So what Miles and Dax had had to do was come up with a report for
Fleet that did not state possible dangers (that weren't already
known), and which *could* not deal with *established* dangers, because
there weren't any.

I think I may have the most loyal friends a genetically engineered
doctor ever had.

When Ezri finished, she sat down as though expecting to be swatted on
the nose if she didn't hush, sort of squeaking out the last sentence
"...any reason for concern so far, or for the foreseeable future.
Ulp." Deanna patted her hand.

Sisko looked around the table at the four of us, expressionless. "So
those are your reports."

"And one psychological evaluation," Commander Troi added.

"And one psychological evaluation," Sisko graveled quietly. Silence
prevailed in the room for a moment.

"I can't fight this," the Captain finally said, standing. "Doctor,
send your data to Fleet Medical. Commander Troi, add your appraisal.
Miles, Ezri, submit your findings..." he drawled the last word just a
bit too long, "...to Engineering branch. I'm going to be in a
holosuite for the next couple of weeks." Finally he smiled slightly at
us all as we stood there looking abashed. "Good luck, all of you. For
Captain Bashir's sake."

"Aye, sir," I answered fervently. "For his sake indeed."

Sisko sighed again and left.

Miles and I nearly pounded the life out of each other as Ezri and
Deanna hugged like long-lost lovers.

---

"Julie! Captain Sisko--" I stopped still just inside the door to my
quarters. Julie was sitting on the desk with the sketchpad. Keiko and
Kashi were on the couch. He was sketching them, apparently, or else
they'd been far too warm. There was a gauzy drape over Kashi, and she
was lying back across Keiko, rather in her lap; Kashi's unbound hair
covered everything Keiko probably wouldn't want seen in public. "Ulp,"
I said, quoting Ezri. 'Miles, you are an *extremely* lucky man', I
thought for maybe the thousandth time.

Keiko looked abashed. I don't blame her. I've seen most of her, but
it's always been through the medium of a medical scanner. Kashi said
"Hi Julian--what happened?"

Julie looked up at me, then back down at the sketch pad.

"He's scared," Kashi explained. "He doesn't feel like talking."

"Um, Captain Sisko gave us all the go-ahead," I said. "I'll be
submitting my data to Fleet Medical this afternoon. How much time
we'll have exactly is still...up in the...Julie?"

Kashi insisted "He's upset. He wants to think about the drawing.
Pictures. Words are giving him a little trouble right now. You've seen
him get like that, haven't you?"

"Oh. Yes, I see. Would he mind if I touched him?"

"No, no more than he did the other night."

I went to Julie and put my arm around him, carefully not looking at
the sketchpad. "Is he worried about what Captain Sisko was going to
say, or about the procedure?"

"Before, what he'd say. Now, the procedure." She tilted her head back
and opened her mouth. Keiko popped a sand pea into it.

"Ahem. Well. Shall I leave the three of you alone?" Keiko was turning
pink in several different places. It was apparent Julie didn't bother
her, because it was obvious Julie was looking at her, at least at the
moment, as only an exercise in light and shadow. Me, on the other
hand...

"It's okay, Julian," Keiko said. "You *are* my doctor. And I think
Julie would like you to stay."

"He would," Kashi confirmed.

"Very well." I moved Julie over a little, and got to work getting my
treatment outline sent to Fleet Med.

Julie looked up, straightening his back a moment, stretching. "Then I
beheld, and lo, a likeness as the appearance of fire, from the
appearance of her loins even downward, fire; and from her loins even
upward, as the appearance of brightness, as the color of amber."

"What was that one?" Keiko asked.

"He wants me to lose the drape," Kashi said, gathering said drape up
and dropping it on the floor.

Julie bent over the sketchpad again.

"Um," I said. "What...what's he..."

"Haven't you heard him do that yet?"

"Do what?"

"Use phrases like that to communicate. I grant you I thought he'd
never do it in front of anyone but me--he'd just shut up and glare if
he was having trouble putting sentences together--but I never thought
he'd be with anyone like he is with you, either. I guess you haven't
heard it?"

"Not *quite* like that. Was it by any chance from the Bible?"

"I think it was book of Ezekiel, but I'm not sure. I tried to stay
away from Ezekiel. Lots of getting bent out of shape over whoredoms,
and abominations against assorted touchy persons, that sort of thing."

"Kashi, what are you talking about?"

"I used to read to him, out of a pile of miscellaneous old books they
let us have. Real books, and the owner of the training center thought
they were nothing but trash. They were mixed in with a crateload of
old stuff I think must've been auction leftovers, or whatever he
couldn't unload from a bulk purchase. He dealt in a lot of things, not
just kids like us. Anyway, most of the kids shredded the books up or
drew on them, but some of us already knew how to read. I could, in a
couple of scripts. I wouldn't have picked the Bible--or most of others
we went through--first thing, but I really wanted something Terran to
read to him, and what there was had probably been somebody's Terran
classics collection. King James version, no less." "And he remembers
enough to...I think I see. It's his rote memory. The phrases are in
his auditory memory already, meanings intact, and since he doesn't
have to put them together--just remember the sound of the entire
phrase--it's as though the phrases are very long, very specific words.
No need for sentence construction...I can see why he wouldn't do it in
front of anyone but you; you could figure out what he meant, knowing
what he was doing. Anyone else would have considered him a loon." I
looked back at Kashi, blinked and looked elsewhere. "And his rote
memory *is* amazing. Interesting. It's rather similar, in its ultimate
effect on the patient's communicative ability, to certain
brain-centered speech disorders, such as Broca's aphasia--"

Julie glanced around at me in mild irritation. "'And David said, what
have I now done? Is there not a cause?'"

"Sorry, sweetheart. Whatever works for you. I just thought it was
interesting--I'm making a note of it in your case files," I said,
doing just that.

"You think the Bible is fun to decipher," Kashi said, "wait 'til he
gets started on the Book of Amura. Sand pea, Keiko." Keiko flipped the
requested item in the air; Kashi caught it neatly in her teeth.

"You read to him from the book of Amura?" I said, jaw dropping.

"Like I said, our options were limited. Besides, he was learning
things that make the Book of Amura look like Grey's Anatomy for
Cardassians."

Julie sighed. "But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil,
full of deadly poison."

"Sorry." Kashi made a shutting-up-now gesture.

"He's probably working on your pout," I muttered. The signal sounded
and Miles came in. "Julian, I got hold of an old shipmate of mine at
the--oh my God." He nearly went down, grabbing for the door lintel.

"Hi, Miles," Kashi said, nudging Keiko with the top of her head for
another sand pea.

Julie smirked. "'When I said, "My foot slippeth, thy mercy, oh Lord;
hold me up".'"

"Good idea," I said, moving to get a shoulder under Miles's.

Miles gazed in incomprehension. "*What'd* he say?"

"That you need to sit down."

"Keiko," Miles stammered, "um...isn't this a little...I mean,
*really*..."

"He just wanted to do a sketch of Kashi and me together, Miles. And
you can't see much of *me*..."

"Does it matter? You're also what's covering you up. I *swear* you two
are the living--"

Julie, impatient, snapped "For the woman which hath an husband is
bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth--but if the
husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband."

"All right, all right--no need for threats," Miles said, "I wasn't
trying to tell her what to do, but I think I'll go pick up the kids
and wait at home if it's all right, Keiko."

"Sure, honey," Keiko said, trying to get further lost in Kashi's hair.

"Don't be offended," I muttered to Miles. "He's worried right now
about the procedure."

"Well I could tell *something* was up. But no, I don't want you to
explain now. I'll talk to you later this evening, all right?"

"Certainly. Speak with you then."

As I went and sat back down at the desk, Julie looked up at Keiko and
Kashi and said "'Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend.'"

"And that one?" Keiko asked.

"He wants us to get a little more affectionate," Kashi explained.

"Julie," Keiko wondered, eyebrows arching, "how much more affectionate
does it get than *this*?"

"Maybe we need Ezri," Kashi wondered.

"Or Leeta," Keiko grinned.

"Say--is Deanna still in port?" Kashi grinned back.

Julie explained reasonably "And to the woman were given two wings of a
great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place,
where she is nourished for a time, and times, from the face of the--"

"Why don't I just let you all work on that while I help Miles with the
children," I said, bolting out the door. Julie continued explaining,
"And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and
swallowed up the flood which--"

No, I'm sure they weren't serious about Leeta and Ezri. Or Deanna
either. But Miles would probably feel better about it if I waited
things out with him, anyway, instead of kibitzing, with his wife in
that particular state of dress. And I could work almost as easily from
his terminal.

---

I stayed to talk with Keiko and Kashi a bit when they came in at the
O'Brien's, but, Julie being in a state of at least minor upset, I soon
left to return to my quarters.

It was dark when I went in. "Julie? Can I turn the lights up?"

I was bowled into and railroaded--carefully--onto the sofa. "Boo,"
said Julie, nose to nose with me.

Laughing, I hugged him back. "Feel like talking now?"

He considered. "And I tell you, in that night, there shall be two men
in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other...shall, too." A
slow smile spread over his face.

I giggled. "All right. We'll talk in a while."

Julie was very quickly learning the meaning of the word "demanding"
when it came to making love, and he was also learning to enjoy some of
the things his training and enhancements allowed him to do. He'd been
able to do it to some degree with me all along, but his initiative was
growing, and my reservations about it were vanishing slowly. But I was
still concerned over the fact that I might be unique in his ability to
experience pleasure with another person...speaking of which...

"Julie, love."

He looked up at me, but, having sort of kissed me into the bedroom and
sunk down on the coverlet with me, he'd begun unfastening my clothes
and didn't pause in that. I started on his. He still didn't speak.

"I know you felt very little at all in terms of response until we'd
been close for a while, and I know you don't feel much of it with
anyone but me, even now. What about with you, though?"

He froze. I touched his face, and it felt suddenly warm. He turned his
head shyly away.

"You *have*! That's wonderful, love, it's a very good sign. I'm so
glad for you...here." We kicked out of the rest of our clothes, and I
pulled him down into my arms, cradling him in my left one with his
head lolling easily on my shoulder, his body spooned slightly up
against mine. He sighed as I nibbled his throat and took his hand--and
gasped as I laid his own palm against his swelling erection.

"I'd like it very much if you would," I whispered, my lips against his
ear. "Let me feel it too, how you move..." I kissed and sucked gently
at his ear and neck and shoulder, and let go of his hand to take his
testes. I began a careful manipulation, and kept caressing his long,
sensitive throat with my mouth, and he moaned suddenly and his hand
tightened; I could feel the muscles in his forearm flex. His hips
pushed slowly back against my own hardness as he began to move, and I
murmured softly in encouragement and contentment.

I wanted him to be comfortable with touching himself, of course,
understand how acceptable it was to act on the desire, but it was much
more than that. As the sweet cereus smell bloomed up around us,
bringing its usual slight heightening of my perceptions, I moaned too,
and sank my teeth carefully into the nape of his neck; he gasped
again, turning his head a little to accommodate it. I could feel, with
the arm that lay down across him to bring my massaging hand in reach,
the subtle twists of his wrist as he ministered to himself, the faint
vibration that indicated the incredibly subtle, amazingly powerful
contractions of microfine muscle strands.

After a while he began to thrust more firmly, and I moved my left arm,
that had been supporting his head, down below his shoulder to slide up
around his chest and pull him tight against me, with one
uncontrollable thrust of my own against him. I always loved this--the
thought of how exactly and perfectly the one with me was being
pleasured, the warmth and arousal of holding that thrumming body, of
being trusted so much...he rocked against me, feeling me there,
holding, touching.

I made an almost desperate sound as he convulsed, writhing, letting me
support him. Still moaning and bucking a little, he reached up over
his own waist to catch mine and rolled to put us face-to-face, then
took me in the same hand he'd held himself with, slick with his
still-warm essence. He kissed me, pumping me hard, not making me wait.
The kiss broke as I collapsed with him, moving helplessly in his
embrace.

He moved his head to kiss me again, determinedly, as I relaxed, moving
his right hand out from between us and rolling me on my back, his
mouth hot and demanding on mine. I wrapped him tight in my arms,
twining my legs with his.

He released me from the kiss for just a breath, and both of us
whispered "Thank you," before we forgot about speaking again. Soft
kisses, so eager, so easy with him...

They soon became less soft. We couldn't even slow up long enough to be
overly conscious of the wetness drying, winding up smeared all over us
and the area, to be dampened again soon in any case with the warm
crystalline fluid we both produce copiously. He twisted a hip and
moved, instead of straddling me, to shifting his hips between my
thighs; going to his elbows on the mattress, propped over me. I bent
my legs and helped him get up into position, and my head pressed the
mattress hard as my back arched at the feel of him pushing into me,
stretching me, sliding in deep with one slow stroke.

I shook, still rigid, straining against him, then locked my legs
around him and pulled him against me hard. He slid his knees up,
moving in as close as possible, lifting so that I was half in his lap.
We rocked together, straining, fingers digging into each other's backs
and shoulders as all our muscles clenched to bring us even closer,
grinding hard as I moaned, over and over...never enough, no such thing
as enough...

He stopped his soft biting of me and clenched his own lip in his
teeth; I could barely see well enough to recognize the gesture, but I
knew what it meant, and I gave up. My hands lost their grip on him as
my body knifed backward, my legs clenching even tighter around him as
my back arched and arched again. He shouted hoarsely as he fell
forward across me, his hips slamming into me, his legs extending again
to shove himself against me with the leverage from his knees, trapping
my still-weeping penis between the clenched muscles of my abdomen and
his.

My orgasm lasted longer than it ever had with him.

Finally, after we were both still, he moved just enough to let me
release my leghold on him, sliding down off me, shifting to the side
before resting part of his weight on me again. "It's never been
so...rough, with you." His tone of voice--and his behavior a moment
ago--didn't indicate any upset over that.

"That wasn't...terribly rough," I considered, smiling, as I panted in
time with him. "Some people like it to hurt and such. I never cared
for that."

"Me, neither. Should I not bite you so hard?"

"Oh, you don't bite hard, my love." I turned my head to nuzzle the
tumbled, damp curls of his hair. "So you feel more like talking,
then?"

"After that, I could sing Moby Dick in Korean."

We laughed, and I chuckled "Moby Dick?"

"Kashi did tell you, her options on Terran reading material were
limited." He sighed and moved a little more, lifting one hand to
caress me. "We're a mess again."

"So? So's the bed."

"Mmm...come on." He pulled me to my reluctant feet, and after him,
toward the shower.

Once there, he helped me support my weight so the heat could soak the
slight tension from my abductors and iliapsoas. When I'd stopped
stretching and turned to pull him close, he barely let me brush my
lips against his before he slid fluidly downward out of my arms, to
his knees.

"Oh, God, Julie, no, I *can't*..." But I could, and he knew it--so
could he. He grasped my buttocks, his thumbs sliding in a soft massage
in the deep hollows of my hips, as he took me in his mouth. He was
absolutely merciless. It couldn't have been a minute before I was
begging him to slow down--what he can do with his mouth should require
a health certification to experience.

A bottle of soft oil soap was knocked off the shelf next to me by his
non-visually guided hand--he wouldn't stop long enough to look up--and
he found it and released me from his mouth, spreading the slick stuff
over me, and I groaned loudly as he stood, turning. He reached back to
find my arms and pull them around him from behind, leaning forward
slightly, gripping the rounded edge of the shelf as he leaned up
against the tiled wall.

I loosed one arm to pick the bottle up, and poured a bit of the soft
soap into my hand against the drying friction of the hot water
spilling around us, closed my eyes with an anticipatory intake of
breath, and pushed inside him, slowing myself a little to savor the
sensation of him enveloping me warmly, tensing welcomingly around me.
He nearly knocked me off balance pushing back before he controlled
himself. I reached around him and caressed him with my soapy hand as
my other arm hugged him tight around the waist. And we moved together.

We were easy this time; it felt almost dreamy. I snugged up against
him, letting my head drop to rest my forehead on his shoulder, as he
was resting his on one forearm laid flat to the wall, his other hand
loosely holding the shelf.

Occasionally we'd pause, pressed together, hips flush, and I'd rest a
little against him; he'd release the shelf and lay his arm over both
mine where they held him. We didn't speak. It was so completely
unnecessary. Then one of us would push a little against the other, and
we'd begin to move again.

At last he took my hand and moved it more firmly against him, and we
increased our pace, and he began to moan, and I gently set my teeth in
his shoulder, shuddering. I reached blindly past him to clutch the
shelf myself, to keep from dragging us to the floor as my knees
weakened. I stepped up the rhythm of my stroking hand, and cupped the
head of his erection as his seed spilled out, almost just as mine did.

He rested against the wall for a minute, eyes closed, lacing his
fingers with mine as I slid both arms around him again, my chest still
pressed to his back. Then he let out a soft sound, almost a lamenting
wail, but quiet; and he let me slide out of him and turned, his
water-slick body smooth in my arms, and pulled me close again as we
sank to the floor of the shower, slowly, resting in the warm watery
light.

His voice was clear and soft, the lowest register of our baritone,
barely trembling. "I was dead before you found me," he said.

I couldn't answer him; I couldn't speak. I made a soft strangled
sound, stroking the heavy dripping waves of his hair back from his
face to kiss him, kiss him again...I understood, then, what he'd
meant, saying he *had* to tell me something, but he didn't know what,
didn't know how. I'd never felt so much in my life.

---

continued in part five