The BLTS Archive - There are Always Alternatives
Third in the Crisis Team series
by Blue Champagne (rowan-shults@sbcglobal.net)

---

Hi, Blue Champagne here. Paramount owns everything and everybody, even
Telnori. I own only the specific dialogue and narrative.
Please don't print or post this story anywhere without running this
header.

---

"THERE ARE ALWAYS ALTERNATIVES"
A truism quoted from Commander Spock;

Or

"ANYTHING FOR YOU"

---

Julian was at his office terminal, puttering with his files, getting
them back into his personal system of order, which the other doctors
and staff kept refiling in standard order whenever he was out of the
infirmary for more than a day. His devout wish that Doctor Andelghi
develop the oozing pin molt so he could screw up *her* files had not
come to pass. "Yet," he muttered. "It'll be time for her annual
physical soon..." Painfully old joke, he scolded himself. He was
intent in this work when Miles walked in without signaling. Julian
looked up briefly, then went back to his terminal. "Please, Miles, do
come in."

Miles plopped into a chair over to the right of Julian's desk, elbows
on knees, head hanging. "It's not working," he muttered, barely
audible.

"Sorry, what was that?" Julian said, closing a file.

"I *said*," Miles repeated, getting up to pace around the limited
confines of the room, "it's NOT WORKING." The door kept swishing open
and shut whenever he passed it. When a technician walked by outside
the office, Miles leaped backward like a snake from a mongoose and
made sure not to get too close to it again. Not that he stopped
pacing.

Julian leaned back in his chair, folding his fingers together and
saying slowly, "It's not working."

"That's right."

"How unfortunate."

"You're telling ME? Cool and collected as the android I used to serve
with? Oh, *God* what a metaphor."

Staring up at Miles from under tense brows, Julian followed the
chief's
peregrinations, feeling like an observer at a tennis match. "You're
referring to Commander Data?" he asked softly.

"I already said it was a lousy metaphor. And you don't need to be
bragging about it, either."

"I'm sorry," Julian said.

"Oh, I know, I shouldn't be so uptight, shouldn't worry about it so
much. But I can't help it, it's the way I am. And what am I going to
tell Keiko?"

Julian's brow got even tighter. "Keiko?"

"You don't think I'd try to keep it from her, do you? You know what
happened last time I tried that. Wish I could be more like you. Turn
it on, turn it off, and there you are, it's that simple."

"It does sound simple." Privately, Julian thought that whatever the
hell the chief had in his bonnet this time, it was likely to be
anything but simple. Miles had forgotten the possibility of observers
and the door was getting a second workout.

It swished open one time too many and Julian suddenly got up, came
around the desk, grabbed Miles by the shoulders and shoved him into a
chair by main force. He seized Miles's jaw and lifted his head to look
into his eyes. "All right, Miles--you're going to have to tell me
sometime, it might as well be now--what in the bloody memory of
Admiral Nelson are you going on about?"

Miles squirmed, refusing to meet his eyes. "You know..."

"Would I be holding your head with one hand and pinning you to a chair
with the other if I rotting well knew? Just spit it out."

"The...we..." Miles was flushing. Julian relented a bit and let go of
him, but pulled a stool up close enough that he was within arm's reach
in case Miles tried to get up and start bouncing off the walls again.

"Tell me," Julian repeated, quietly but firmly. "What is it that's not
working?"

Still managing not to look directly at Julian, Miles started "You know
how we...how Keiko..." he paused and sighed. "Blast everything."

"You might as well relax. I'm quite prepared to wait as long as it
takes."

"I know. That may be why I...decided I didn't hate you, but right now
I'm not seeing it as one of your more endearing traits."

Julian smiled. "Thanks, love you too. Now what in the name of all
things holy has got you in such a panic?"

"You."

"Me?! And what exactly have *I* done?"

Miles finally looked at him. "I'd hate to think you'd forgot already
what exactly you did."

Julian stared blankly for a moment, then smiled slowly. "Ah. I see.
No, I remember that in vivid detail. I thought we'd all three of us
worked that issue out."

"That's what I thought, too."

"So...you mean the agreement about how to handle the aftermath. That's
what isn't working?"

Miles just nodded.

"How exactly isn't it working? I haven't laid a hand on you, and
unless I'm more mistaken than I could possibly be about something like
that, you haven't touched me, either."

"And therein lies the problem," Miles muttered.

"Therein lies...do you mean...you...it's not for lack of wanting to?"
Miles nodded again.

Julian stared, completely taken aback. "You...ah...hm. Really?"

Miles lifted his head. "No, I just made the whole thing up as an
excuse to have a nervous breakdown in your office, YES really, for
God's sake!"

"Oh. Um...I'm flattered."

"I know, you said that before. The question is what the bloody hell to
do about this."

"Yes, that is something of a conundrum." Julian thought a moment while
Miles stared at the floor. Then he reached over to brush his fingers
down Miles's cheek, saying "There has to be a--"

Miles made a truly impressive leap backward, knocking the chair over
and saying in a furious whisper "Do NOT touch me. Under ANY
circumstances. If I break both legs and my neck, I want Doctor
Andelghi."

Julian, getting his bearings back after nearly knocking his own stool
over, hastily raised both hands in a gesture of conciliation. "Your
wish is my command. I'll consider your body completely off limits. And
I'll keep my hands where you can see them. Good enough? Will you sit
back down now?"

Miles did, but he did it in Julian's desk chair, placing a
Cardassian-designed shield between himself and the doctor. "And try to
stay away from words like 'body' when I'm around."

Julian couldn't completely control the shriek of laughter this request
provoked; it translated to a bug-eyed expression and a catch in his
voice when he spoke. "I'll try to remember that. But it might be
difficult. I AM a doctor."

"Say whatever you want when I'm not in the room."

"Right. Um...I suppose you're going to speak to Keiko."

"God. I'm not looking forward to that. It's not quite even two weeks
since she left and I'm already...I already--"

"I understand," Julian said, rescuing Miles from the rest of the
sentence.

Miles glanced over at him. "And you. Like I said, cool as a--you know.
How'n the hell d'you manage it?"

"I'm not married, mostly. And I'm not worried about what you'll think
of me; I have no reason to get into a tizzy. It's of no great moment
to me to spend an indeterminate time unable to look at you without
seeing you naked, or remembering the way you--"

Miles clapped his hands to his ears, assuming a hunched posture.
"CRIminy, Julian, don't SAY things like that!"

"Right, right. Sorry." Julian fiercely controlled his upwelling mirth;
this really wasn't funny. A very genuine love-match marriage, complete
with issue, might be in jeopardy here. Not that Miles would ever
initiate the breakup. It would be Keiko who would take the dim view
and file intent, unless she managed an extremely understanding turn
of mind about the whole thing. And Julian doubted the traditional
Keiko would appreciate suddenly being married to a man who had a male
lover. Or a female one, for that matter. But she HAD been
understanding enough to arrange a nearly week-long tryst between the
three of them, which Julian would never have counted on. Keiko could
be an amazing mass of contradiction, which somehow always seemed to
balance.

"Look, Miles," he began, leaning on the desk, but careful not to get
too close to Miles and send him sprinting from the room. "Perhaps you
should wait a bit on talking to Keiko. Just a bit; I'm not suggesting
you keep things from her. But there has to be some way to handle this
without...without us breaking up, as it were. And without Keiko
feeling betrayed. One thing doctors and engineers have in common--we
know that when we HAVE to find an alternative, we will find an
alternative. Maybe not one that's as desirable as the plan A scenario,
but something that will do well enough. Even if only for a time."

"And what exactly would you suggest in this instance, doctor?" Miles
asked sardonically, raising an eyebrow.

Julian folded his arms on the desk. "Let's look at the obvious first.
One--the most obvious. We could have an affair."

"*That's* right out," Miles said.

"Correct. Even if you were capable of it--and the fact that you're not
is one of the things I respect most about you--*I* wouldn't do it,
because one, you wouldn't be the Miles I know and love in the first
place, and two, I wouldn't back-door Keiko; she's my friend."

"All that's plain enough. What's next most obvious?"

"Two: Never see each other. And I hate that option with a passion."

"So do I, or this would never have gotten to this point. Our breaking
up is out, then. Next?"

"Three: Solicit Keiko's permission. Keep her fully informed. She
*might* be reassured enough by that to allow it, at least for a time."

"Won't happen, if I know Keiko. And I do know Keiko."

"Would you have expected her to ask me to make love to you, or the
rever--"

"CHEEzit, Julian!"

"Sorry. But you have to concede the point. Option three is open-ended
but dubious, then. On to option four; inquire whether Keiko's
interested in joining us again."

"For God's sake. She's got work to do. Even if she went for the
idea--which I doubt--she can't be commuting on that transport as often
as she'd have to, when you consider how bad I--how much it's...oh, you
know."

"I do now." Julian smiled slightly and continued. "Five--and I doubt
you'll care for this one either--I can give you a hypo canister full
of something that will leave you completely uninterested in--ah, the
s-word--for months. There are a few side effects, mostly having to do
with your testosterone levels."

Miles shuddered. "I dearly hope it doesn't come to *that*. I haven't
sung soprano since I was eight and I've no ambition to start again."

"We'll consider option five last resort, then."

"What's option six?"

"I'm not certain yet. Give me a moment." He sat pondering for a couple
of minutes while Miles fidgeted, and finally said "How about this one;
I could do something so overwhelmingly obnoxious you wouldn't be able
to stand me."

"Julian, you ARE overwhelmingly obnoxious, and I can't stop thinking
about you anyway. Move on to seven."

"Right, of course, forgive me. Seven...hm...I don't think I can come
up with a whole seven. But there's a sort of proto-option you might
find acceptable."

"Which is?"

"We could get some advice from an outside source."

"WHAT?"

"Relax, I don't mean we'd spread this about. I was thinking of a
professional source."

"You mean a counselor."

"Yes, that. I know you're not fond of being analyzed, Miles, but I
think we've hit a dead-end. I'm qualified as a counselor, but you can
hardly come to me about this."

"Mm." Miles looked contemplative for a moment. Then he asked "Did you
have anyone particularly in mind?"

"Perhaps. I do know a counselor who can clarify issues a patient never
even knew existed as easily as drawing a comb through her hair; I'm
always finding her papers published in my psychological journal. She
has experience it's almost impossible to equal without working where
she does--I've only actually *met* her once, but you served with her
for several years. Deanna Troi?"

"Counselor TROI?"

"What is it, Miles?"

"I KNOW Commander Troi. And so does Keiko. I danced with the woman at
my
wedding. I can't bring something like this to her, it wouldn't be
fair."

"You were close on the Enterprise, then?"

"The Commander and I worked together--we've pulled out of some
incredibly tight spots together, one of which while Molly was being
born, and we were stuck on the bridge. She made a very tough call that
saved us all. I suppose you could call that close. But what worries me
is that she and Keiko were close, even outside work."

"Right, I suppose that does place her too near the problem. Also, her
methods involve her empathic senses, which wouldn't have much luck
with subspace. But there are other counselors I know enough of to
recommend. Are you willing to give it a go?"

Miles sighed. "I can't think of anything else to try, either. You set
it up, and we'll go. When?"

"I think I can arrange something almost immediately. I'll call you
with the exact time tomorrow morning. Is that agreeable? Can you spare
yourself from work for a couple of hours tomorrow?"

"I'm sparing myself from work even as we speak, but things've got
enough out of hand. I'll be ready. God..." Miles slumped in the chair,
rubbing his temples with one hand, eyes covered by his palm. "Who
would EVER have thought I'd come to this?"

"Not me, certainly. But I'm glad you're being so reasonable about the
therapist idea."

"Last time I refused to be reasonable about this sort of thing, I
nearly wound up divorced and playing darts alone. Don't think I'm
enjoying this."

"No," Julian said, his voice soft, "I can see that you're not."

"When I take my hand down," Miles said in a quiet but threatening
tone, pointing with his other hand at Julian, "you'd better not be
looking at me like I can feel you looking at me right now."

Julian didn't laugh. "I can't help it."

"Try."

Julian smiled sadly. "Miles..." He turned the stool so that he was
facing the door, and sighed. "Anything for you."

He heard Miles getting up behind him, saying "Bloody hell. I told you
not to say things like that." He passed the desk and was out the door
so fast Julian tensed against a sonic boom.

"The things I go through," he murmured, "for that man. Keiko...we've
created a monster."

---

"Aloycius? What's wrong with Aloycius?" Miles was white as a sheet,
and Julian could see the cords in his neck standing out with tension.

"Nothing, as far as I'm concerned," Julian said as they started down
the final corridor toward the counselor's office. "But he hates it.
That's why he goes by the one name."

"I have more than one uncle named Aloycius."

"And I'm sure they're proud of it, too. But this man is agreeing to
see us so quickly as a favor, so don't call him that."

"How'd you come by this fellow anyway?"

"He sends his clients to me for prescribing, and I recommend him and
an
associate of his when I have a non-Starfleet patient I think would
benefit from a therapist."

"What do you get out of it? You get your credit from Starfleet in any
event."

"I get favors like this out of it. He gets the extra shekels. And it's
a good idea for general surgeons like me to cultivate specialists.
Just remember to call him Telnori."

"If you didn't want me to call him Aloycius, why'd you tell me the
name?"

"You asked me."

"Right. Got to remember to stop doing that."

"Oh, and don't touch him."

"Don't what?!"

"His grandmother is Vulcan. He has some limited telepathic abilities."

"Oh. You mean the same reason it's rude to offer to shake a Vulcan's
hand."

"What did you think I meant?"

"Shut up, Julian."

Julian sighed and inaudibly muttered "'Shut up Julian'."

"If this Telnori fellow is competent enough for you to be sending
people to him," Miles asked, invalidating his own injunction, "why
didn't you suggest him to begin with?"

"I thought arranging subspace sessions from my office comm with
someone off of the station would make you more comfortable--avert any
possible gossip."

"I *was* thinking about that, actually. If anyone does notice, and
says
anything...we'll tell them you thought I should see him about missing
Keiko and Molly and y'came along to make sure I showed for the
appointment."

"*That's* plausible enough. Good thinking, chief."

They reached their door of destination; Julian sounded the signal, and
the door slid open. "Come in, gentlemen," said the man who rose from
an end chair to meet them. The office was in stark contrast to the
corridor outside; the walls were hidden with hangings in shades of
aqua and teal, the lighting was soft and indirect, and the deckplates
were carpeted. There was a desk on the upper tier of the floor, just
in front of the port, and what resembled a conversation-pit
arrangement of chairs and sofas, surrounding a low carven-wood table,
dominating the lower tier. A soft chiming sound, notes tuned to a
major scale--in E, Julian thought--lent a feeling of a fresh breeze.

Julian said "Counselor Telnori, this is Miles O'Brien, chief of
operations here on the station."

Miles hadn't been sure what to do if he wasn't supposed to shake
hands, but Telnori bowed just slightly and said "A pleasure to meet
you, Mister O'Brien."

Nodding in return, Miles said "Same here. And just call me Miles, or
chief."

"And you can just call me Telnori, or counselor," the man grinned
back. He was surprisingly young--he looked young enough to be Julian's
son, given Julian an early start at fatherhood--but Miles assumed that
was the Vulcan ancestry, also evident in the slight tapering of his
ears and the length and angle of his eyebrows. His skin was a deep
gold color, and his hair was russet brown, in a ponytail that reached
his waist. He was several centimeters taller than Julian, but somehow
Miles didn't find him intimidating.

Julian could feel some of the tension leave Miles, and thanked
whatever deities were in charge of that sort of thing. Meanwhile,
Telnori was gesturing them to the sofas. "Please sit down. Can I get
either of you something to drink?"

"I'd love a Tarkalean tea," Julian said as he got comfortable.

"And you, chief?"

"Oh, I'm, uh, fine. Thanks."

Telnori stepped uptier to the replicator and came back with two
steaming mugs, one of which he handed to Julian. "Not sweet, if I
remember correctly?"

"Yes," Julian said, smiling and accepting the mug. "That's right.
Thanks."

Telnori resumed his chair; Miles had selected a cushioned, brocaded
straightback chair that faced Telnori's across the table. Julian
sighed internally as he sipped tea and relaxed on the couch. But
really, he hadn't expected anything else. At least he'd got Miles into
the room, which not long ago he would have believed impossible.

"Julian tells me that you gentlemen find yourselves in something of a
quandary," Telnori began. "He didn't say much more, other than that
there's a serious decision facing the two of you."

"Several serious decisions," the chief said, nodding. "That's right."

"Can you tell me about them?"

Miles looked at Julian in a near panic. 'The least I can do is start
things off,' Julian thought, leaning forward to set his mug on the
table. "It's sort of a long story," he began. "It started...a couple
of months ago now, right, Miles?"

"About that," Miles agreed.

"Well," Julian continued, resting his elbows on his knees and
interlacing his fingers, "Miles and I have been close friends for a
couple of years. We've come to be rather dependent on each other,
actually. We spend most of our free time together, and our work time,
when we can arrange it, which isn't often; not many jobs call for the
services of an engineer and a surgeon both. It usually boils down to
time in the same room."

"I understand," Telnori said, nodding. "Go on."

"At first--Keiko--heavens, I hadn't thought this out at all. It's hard
to know where to start."

Surprisingly, Miles spoke up. "My wife, Keiko, is a botanist, and
she's away on Bajor working, most of the time, and our girl Molly with
her. She...she doesn't think so anymore, of course, but for a
while...I suppose I was talking about the things Julian and I did more
than I thought. When she called me on subspace once, and I said his
name, she just...combusted. 'Julian, Julian, always and only Julian,
every other word out of your mouth is Julian!' Or something to that
effect." He fell silent.

Julian took up the ball again. "I think that was *exactly* what she
said. It turned out that she could see--from Bajor--something that
everyone here on the station but me, it seems, could see. It appeared
that--to put it bluntly--which is the only way to put this--he was
attracted to me. He became...how shall I..."

Miles was leaning against the chair back with his arms folded, staring
out the port. "Counselor, as you've likely noticed, Julian can talk
until everyone in the room has a stroke and dies just to get away from
the noise. I fell in love with him, that's what happened." Julian's
jaw threatened to make contact with the table.

Telnori said calmly "Do you think that might've occurred because of
your wife's absence--finding security in Julian, becoming attached to
him in a bond similar to the one you have with Keiko?"

"Actually, Julian said that very thing, or almost, when I finally told
him why I'd been acting like a donkey's arse for about a week. His
version was more like, it was him I picked to obsess over because I
knew there wasn't a chance in hell of anything happening between us,
which turned out to be wrong, no shock there. He also made me talk to
Keiko about it, so that she could stop worrying. And he was right;
once it didn't seem to her like I was hiding something, she felt a lot
better, and even apologized for a couple of things she'd said about
Julian. Not for what she said to me, though; I'd deserved it."

"But it didn't stop there," Telnori said. Miles sighed and looked
pensive.

Julian affirmed "It didn't stop there. For me, it started the night he
told me about that first conversation with Keiko, when she blew up on
hearing my name."

"God, Julian, do you have to bring THAT up?"

"Miles, this is just an hors d'oeurve compared to what we're going to
be
telling him in a few minutes."

"You've got a point there."

"We got drunk that night," Julian explained, "and we kissed."

"More specifically, I kissed him," Miles said, studying the ceiling
hangings.

"I *did* kiss back. Enthusiastically, to hear you tell it."

"More than once?" Telnori asked.

"No," Julian said, taking refuge behind his tea mug. "I...succumbed to
the grape, as it were."

"For which I thanked God the next day," Miles said, "but
eventually--when I told him everything--I told him about that, too."

"How did you feel about it?" Telnori asked Julian.

Julian beat the grin looming on the horizon into submission, and only
smirked slightly as he said "I very nearly laughed myself sick right
in front of him. The only reason I didn't is that we were in a
runabout and I knew he'd space me in my underwear if I so much as
chuckled."

"But you were uncomfortable with it," Telnori said, directing the
statement to Miles.

"Damn right I was uncomfortable with it. I still have a hard time
believing it."

"Then he spoke with Keiko, like he said, and everything seemed to get
back to normal. For a while."

"Until you died," Miles clarified at Julian while crossing his legs
the other way.

Telnori nodded."Yes, I heard about Julian's injury, and that it was
you who saved his life."

"That's right," Miles nodded. "What I didn't know--and what Julian
forgot--was that a day or two before Julian took that plasma shock, he
and Keiko had had a little chat."

"Oh, she's told you?" This from Julian.

"Sure. Eventually she always does. In any case...I had realized
that...if he--if Julian had died--permanently, I mean--I wasn't sure
if I could live with it. Maybe if I'd told him...that it wasn't just
missing Keiko and us being so close. Our being so close was part of
it, sure, but..."

"Keiko told me that he'd been terrified, and was having nightmares
about the accident. Ones in which he hadn't been able to save me,"
Julian supplied for the floundering Miles.

"And this occurrence served as a focus for your feelings," Telnori
suggested to Miles.

"It bloody well did. But I still couldn't...face it, deal with it. I
did tell him how I felt--but it was while he was unconscious, or I
thought he was. When he remembered it to me later I was good and well
humiliated."

"You did laugh, at the last," Julian reminded him, smiling.

"Aye, after you pushed every button I had for about five minutes. I
had
to laugh or kill you."

"I know. I was quite nervous there for a few minutes." Julian grinned
and picked his mug back up. "In any event, Keiko had decided that what
Miles needed to clarify things for him was to...as she put it, get me
out of his system. Apparently I'd agreed to her plans before the
accident, though I still don't remember that conversation, and I
agreed again once she'd explained, though I was a bit worried about
being eviscerated with a coil spanner."

"What exactly did her plans entail?"

"We stormed him as a united front," Julian said, and Miles actually
choked on a guffaw. "She came back to the station for a visit, and we
ruthlessly proceeded to..."

"...work me so well that eventually, I voluntarily got in bed with the
both of them," Miles said to the ceiling. Julian almost snorted tea.

Telnori nodded. "So Keiko was involved."

Julian and Miles exchanged a look. "Yes, part of the...uh, sometimes
she was there, and sometimes she wasn't," Julian essayed. "But yes,
she was extensively involved. Orchestrated the entire pageant, in
fact."

"And did your deeper involvement with Julian, Miles, continue after
Keiko returned to Bajor?"

Miles agonized, and Julian leapt into the gap with "No. We largely
accepted the situation--that it had been a one-time, unforeseen and
unbelievable windfall for both of us. For Keiko too. At least that's
what she said..."

Miles snorted. "That's not hard to believe. Look at the man, why don't
you," he said to Telnori, gesturing toward Julian with his head, arms
still crossed.

"Michelangelo's bleedin' David has got nothing on our good doctor
Julian. I know when Keiko's happy, and I thought I'd seen happy women
before that first night."

"First night?"

"That they managed to get me out of my clothes."

"How do you feel about Keiko enjoying being with Julian so much?"

"How can I blame her? He's her friend, and he looks like a minor god.
He's also got enough stamina for three or four men, give or take the
odd tissue rejection."

"Um, Miles," Julian said, staring at the table in embarrassment.

Miles blithely ignored him and continued. "To make a long story short,
he cheered us both up so much we'd've hugged our own fetches. He was
ill--until the last day when we found him in a heap and took him to
the infirmary--and he managed to impress the hell out of me anyway."

"Miles," Julian repeated with an overtone of urgency creeping into his
voice.

"Oh, suffer, you," Miles finally said, "you live and breathe jerking
MY tether. Can't you take it yourself?"

"I could if you were only jerking my tether, but..."

"What he's trying to avoid saying over there is that I'm telling the
God's honest truth, not a gram of exaggeration in it," Miles
elaborated.

Julian put his hands over his face, quaking with suppressed laughter.
"You really mean to make me pay, don't you," he managed to snort.

"Why, Julian. It's shocked, truly shocked I am, to hear you say such a
--"

"Oh, hush. It's no more than I deserve, after all." Julian dropped his
hands and sighed.

"Julian," Telnori said, "I remember hearing about your tissue
rejection--an unprecedented error in the gene sequencing; it was
talked about all through the medical community on the station."

"And some off it, too, I'm told," Julian said, nodding.

"That would make it...not quite two weeks ago that your 'windfall'
ended."

"That's right."

"So. I take from your being here that there are unresolved issues
surrounding your time together with Keiko. The cathartic effect you
were all hoping for was not completely successful?"

"You could say that," Julian muttered.

"You could DEFinitely say that," Miles added.

"Then I take it we've reached the crux of what brought you to see me,"
Telnori further prompted.

Julian chuckled. "He won't come right out and ask, Miles, I know his
style. One of us is going to have to say it."

"I'll do it," Miles sighed, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward to
rest his elbows on his knees--mirroring Julian's position, though
Julian reflected he almost certainly didn't realize that. "It's my
problem, after all."

"It's all of our problem," Julian said softly. "I don't want to lose
you, and neither does Keiko."

"I told you not to say things like that." Miles was crimson, but he
spoke steadily across the table at Telnori. "I still love him. I'm
still IN love with him. When I'm not with him, he's all I can think
about, unless I distract myself by thinking about Keiko. And when I am
with him, I can barely think at all."

Julian felt his throat closing and a suspicious moisture dampening his
eyelashes. He hoped he wouldn't be called on to speak for a moment.
'He can barely say those things to himself, and he's saying them to a
total stranger, just because he wants us to stay friends.' He gave
himself a few mental roundhouses for radically underestimating Miles.

"Have you spoken with Keiko about these feelings?"

"Not yet. Julian thought we might...we went through all the obvious
options, and finally came up with getting some professional advice.
His idea. We need an alternative that just doesn't seem to be out
there."

Julian had mastered himself and said "Yes, exactly. We can't have an
affair, neither of us could do that. We...we *really* don't want to
give up each other's company. We don't believe Keiko could stretch her
understanding far enough to encompass Miles having a lover without her
being involved, and it's totally impractical--and she probably
wouldn't care for the idea anyway--to directly involve her for any
length of time. There are medical options, but they have side
effects--"

"And what if Keiko came home to visit after I get a massive dose of
saltpeter and have all the interest in her as a woman that I'd have in
a squid? She'd *really* know something was up then."

"And, finally," Julian said, "I apparently can't BE obnoxious enough
to...to change his mind about me. I already drive him to distraction,
and he still...that was more a joke than a real suggestion anyway."
But it wasn't true Julian couldn't drive Miles away from him if he
wanted to. He could. He'd done it before, when he had to, for the good
of everyone involved. But in this case he'd die before resorting to
that.

"Julian," Telnori said after a moment, "we've talked about Miles's
feelings and Keiko's, but not yours. How *do* you feel about this
matter?"

'If Miles can be brave about this, so can I,' Julian enjoined himself,
and waited for the words to come, but nothing did. His brow furrowed
over his closed eyes.

"Take your time," Telnori said, his vaguely Vulcanesque mantle of calm
and reason seeming to expand. 'Odd, that,' Julian thought. 'Wouldn't
think a Human-Vulcan would make a specially good counselor, but that
aura of rationality has quite an effect.'

"I'm frightened," he finally blurted. Miles's gaze shot over to him,
and
Telnori said "What are you frightened of?"

"Losing Miles. Miles losing Keiko. Their unhappiness laid at my door
because I'm too selfish to sacrifice what Miles and I have even to
save his marriage."

"Why do you say selfish?"

"Because...if I really loved him, wouldn't I do what was best for him,
instead of clinging to him like a child?" Julian felt his face getting
hot. He had no idea where these words were coming from. Damn Telnori
and his partial telepathy, anyway.

"That's difficult to determine absolutely," Telnori replied serenely.
"It seems to me that you're simply exhausting your options before
taking the step of sacrificing a beloved friend."

"I don't think you're being selfish, Julian," Miles said quietly.
"It's my problem, not yours."

"I told you that isn't true," Julian reminded him sharply. "We're all
involved."

"Miles," Telnori said, "have your feelings for Keiko changed?"

"Not in the slightest. I love her as much as the day we married. I
just also love that piece there," Miles told him with a wave of his
hand toward Julian.

"And I'm past wondering why, or caring why. I only know..." Miles was
silent a moment, then got up and sat next to Julian, looking like a
person carefully choosing words. "You remember I told you...the last
night...that if I fell into it with you, I didn't think it could last?
That eventually, in that kind of relationship, you'd drive me stark
mad in a few months?"

Julian nodded, glad that Miles had phrased it as a yes-or-no question.
He didn't feel like trying to talk at the moment.

"That's what frightens *me* most," Miles said. "What if I *can't*
resist you? What if we fall in, Keiko files intent, and you and I wind
up hating each other? Everyone loses."

Julian nodded again, staring at the floor. "That's why I said I was
being selfish."

"Look here now--you can refuse to see me if it's what you feel you
have to do. But do you think that's going to stop me thinking about
you or wanting to be with you? Don't you think that Keiko is
eventually gonna suffer for that, too?"

"Then there doesn't seem to be ANY way out of this short of having our
memories of each other erased, which would make gaps so large we'd
have no choice but to find out what we lost."

"And anyway, we'd only meet again. This isn't the biggest station in
the
quadrant."

"But at least you'd hate me at first," Julian extrapolated with a
vague smile, imagining it.

"I'd only get around to loving you again."

Julian rested his forehead in his palms, elbows on knees, eyes closed.

"Julian," Telnori said softly. "Do you feel the same thing for Miles
that he feels for you?"

Julian was quiet until he was sure he could speak clearly, but he
didn't raise his head. "I don't really know," he said in a thin,
breathy voice.
"I don't know if I have any idea how to love anything smaller
than...abstracts. Entire populations."

"Things at a remove from you," Telnori said.

"I've certainly been fond of people. I AM quite fond of a number of
people. But like what Miles and Keiko feel for each other, for their
daughter...assuming I did know...hell, I don't know if it's what he
feels for me or not, but I think I love Miles more than I've ever
loved another person in my life. With the possible exception of my
mother, but for reasons that are irrelevant here I can't even be sure
of that. I just...don't know."

There was a silence as Julian got a hold of himself. Telnori waited
quietly; Julian could sense Miles's tension. In only a few seconds of
listening to the soft chimes, he was able to raise his head and speak
again. Got it all under control, he thought sarcastically, but refused
to let the thought affect his demeanor.

"Miles, maybe you should reconsider our separation. I've thought that
if
you...came to me, I would simply make you understand that I wasn't
what you wanted until you got over the impulse. But I was almost
entirely fooling myself. Another reason I'm selfish." He laughed, with
an edge to the sound. "And I couldn't see any of this until this
moment. Damn but you're good, Telnori. No, Miles, don't." Julian stood
suddenly, moving out of Miles's reach. He strode over to the port and
leaned against it, staring out. "And that's where we stand," he
affirmed in his bitter-irony voice. "Damned if we do, et cetera.
Rather an ill-considered idea Keiko and I had, wasn't it? Though we
THOUGHT we'd thought of everything. Instead of cleaning house, we wind
up reinforcing the problem."

"He's right about that," Miles said. "Now that I know what it's like
to be with him, I want him even worse."

"Exactly," Julian muttered in a dead monotone. "Me, too."

---

Well, that certainly hadn't worked out at all like he'd expected,
Julian thought in self-disgust as he flopped in bed like a landed
fish. "Me," he muttered aloud. "I'm supposed to be the enlightened
one. I was supposed to make that session endurable for Miles, and he
winds up catching ME."

He threw his pillow on the floor and sat up. 'That Telnori. Even the
renowned Troi couldn't have done a better job of holding the
should-have-been-obvious under my nose. God, after all this time, all
this work, don't I even know my own mind?'

Then, more chillingly, he wondered if--as he and a few other people
had always thought--his lightsome surface demeanor was, really, an act
at all. He got up and went into the front room, to the replicator.
"Bashir Banellian toddy program one, double strength, with nutmeg."

The drink materialized. He set it on the dining table to cool a bit
and wandered around his quarters, poking at keepsakes and riffling
through books, seeing none of it. 'I have GOT to get a grip on
myself,' he thought, squeezing his eyes closed as he shut the book he
currently held with a loud report of displaced air. 'Won't be any good
to anyone, in this state. I've got responsibilities.'

He suddenly realized this mental chatter was utterly meaningless, not
to mention useless. He started laughing, but stopped and held his
breath for a moment before that could get away from him, too.

He went back and picked up the drink, knocking back a healthy slug of
it. It stung his mouth, of course. He'd planned it that way. 'What I
need is a good slap in the face.'

He slumped into a chair, an underwear-clad picture of dejection. 'No,
that isn't what I need. My body's been telling me what I need ever
since Telnori got it out of me.' Only one thing to be done there. Best
just finish the drink and get on with it.

The door signal sounded.

"Blast and damn," Julian hissed as his fist contacted the table with a
thud. "What is he trying to DO to us both? Come in," he called, loudly
enough to activate the lock mechanism.

He refused to look toward the door. "Miles," he said, "no, no, NO. We
aren't supposed to be seeing each other unless it's in Telnori's
office until we have some better understanding of all this."

"I'm sorry for what happened to you this morning, Julian."

"Sorry?" Julian finally looked up. Miles was in his favorite off-duty
green tunic, and he didn't look like he'd slept, either, despite it
being nearly 0200.

"Sorry that Telnori cracked my facade? You usually love it when that
happens."

"You usually aren't so upset by it. And it was on my behalf."

"Oh, please. Not another game of Who-Wins-the-Fault. It's so trite."

"Yeah, well. So's this whole thing then, isn't it?"

"Excellent point." Julian washed down some more of the toddy. "Damn.
Still too hot. Is that what you came to say at two in the morning,
Miles?"

"You're only acting like this because you're angry at yourself."

"No, I am acting like this because I am *disgusted* with myself.
Entirely different matter."

"Gods, yer so *bloody* arrogant," Miles snapped, "and I've had enough
of it. Climb down out of your sanctified tower and join the human
race, ye high-handed self-important pipsqueak!"

"I love it when your brogue gets thick."

"I should clean the rotting deck with you, that's what you need."
Julian poured down the rest of the toddy, set the mug on the table
with a bonk and stood up, gesturing come-here with both arms. "Have at
it then. I don't get much more defenseless than exhausted, half-drunk
and in my scanties."

"Criminy. You know what'll happen if I come anywhere near you. I came
to tell you...I called Keiko."

Julian froze. "I thought Telnori told you not to."

"He said not to do it until I felt sure I was ready for it. I decided
about six hours ago that I wasn't going to get any more ready."

Julian sank back onto the dining chair, folded his arms across its
back and rested his chin on them. Then he said, very quietly and
clearly,
"How much did you tell her?"

Miles rested his weight against the sofa back, folding his arms again,
looking at the floor. "Everything."

There was another silence.

"What did she say?" Julian finally asked, not wanting to hear the
answer."She's coming to the station. She'll be here day after
tomorrow."

"Dammit, Miles, aside from that."

"You won't believe it."

"Then you might as well tell me."

"SHE'S trying to take responsibility for everything."

Julian lifted his head. "You jest."

"Sir, I do not."

"My God." Julian began that semi-hysterical laughter again, this time
just letting it escalate. "All three of us?"

"Calm yourself, Julian. I told her about our little battle of
humility, and she said the one thing that makes any sense about all
this. That all of us are adults, all of us are human, and all of us
make mistakes--so it's not unreasonable that the three of us together
were able to accomplish a screwup of spectacular proportions."

Julian was wiping his eyes, feeling as if a dam had burst somewhere
inside. "It always is Keiko that makes things right, isn't it? I love
that woman. I think."

"She knows y'do. Don't worry yourself on that score."

"There's one thing," Julian sighed, "one thing, if I could just
convince myself of it...I wish that I was sorry it happened. I'm not,
Miles. I'm sorry you and I have both gone barmy, for our many and
various reasons, but I'm not sorry it happened."

Miles stared at him. "Getting telepathic in your old age, Julian? She
said the same thing. Not the bit about wishing she was sorry, just
that she wasn't. And she hoped I wasn't."

"Are you?"

"Sometimes I feel I ought to be. But I didn't know how...Gor, how do I
bloody say this...all the *ways* I felt for you, love and irritation
and all the rest, until...'til I was there with you, holding you so
close..." He paused a bare moment, not looking at Julian, then
continued "Do you remember how I stared into your eyes? I'd always
wanted to do that. Never had the native gut. So I knew...you. I only
knew ALL of you then; all the time we've spent together over the last
few years and it didn't come home to roost 'til I let myself do one
damn simple thing like look in your eyes just to be doing it."

Julian's forehead thudded onto his arms on the chair back. "We aren't
supposed to be saying things like that. Besides, I didn't know how bad
I had it until this morning. Lost my head and walked around without it
for however-long before I knew it was missing. Now *that's*
embarrassing, if you like."

"I always did say--"

"--that I'd forget my head if it weren't attached, that is so BAD,
Miles."

"You've a low tolerance for the banal this evening."

"I've got a low tolerance for everything this evening. Including you.
So if you've said your part, you'd best put a few walls between us. I
haven't been able to bend at the waist all day and I'm not feeling
strong at the moment. Besides, this thing is *really* starting to
hurt."

Miles groaned, rubbing his forehead, eyes closed. "I thought we're not
supposed to be saying things like that?"

"Would it have mattered? It's not like I'm trying to hide it. I know
you're not that unobservant."

"No," Miles said, coming over to Julian and taking his arms, coaxing
him out of the chair, "I'm not."

Julian wanted to hesitate, ask Miles if even a hug was wise, remind
him of Telnori's injunction. He grabbed the back of Miles's head and
kissed him harder than he'd kissed anyone in his life, he was fairly
certain, since it hurt, but Miles's mouth was opening and returning
it, such release, a violent, desperate, delicious kiss.

Julian wrapped his arms around Miles, straining against him, grinding,
and that hurt him too, since he couldn't seem to lighten it up at all.
It was one of those situations where, he reflected, one couldn't
realistically help it. Especially since Miles was running his hands
hard over Julian's back, squeezing his shoulders, moving down to grip
his buttocks and pulling Julian up against him, hard enough that
Julian could feel Miles's own arousal through his trousers and the
heavy green tunic. A growling sound emanated from low in Miles's
throat, next to which Julian's own moans sounded like frantic
whimpers. 'Well, I'm
frantic, right enough.'

It just kept escalating--Julian's shorts were wet and he thought he
might lose it right here, standing up, in the--

They banged unceremoniously into the dining table, knocking them off
balance and making the mug fall down and over the table edge. When
their mouths pulled apart, both feeling bitten and bruised, Julian
gasped; he was shaking and attached himself even more firmly to Miles.
He whispered
"THAT certainly had a hell of a buildup. Wouldn't've thought it could
live up to expectations."

"It did, though. Didn't it."

Julian nodded against Miles's shoulder.

"You're going to have to let go for a moment."

"I can't. I think I'm paralyzed."

"Well, I've no great yen to make love on the dining table, so if you
can't walk as far as the bedroom, I'll carry you."

Julian lifted his head. "Anything for you, but tell me--what did Keiko
say that...that you can do this? Especially since I came right out and
told you I won't stop you."

Miles shook his head. "It was what I said to her, about what happened
this morning. I've been worrying for you all day. When I told her
about your..."

"My little revelation?"

"She said 'If I know Julian, he's tearing himself to pieces. Go hold
him
together.'"

"She...she said it was all RIGHT?"

"Not as a regular occurrence, no. She just told me to hold you
together tonight. We're not to indulge further until after she
arrives."

"And she trusts us not to?"

"I once failed to trust Keiko, and I've regretted it ever since. We've
no secrets, Julian. She trusts us."

"I'm going to marry that woman."

"Back of the line."

In the bedroom, Miles reached for him again, but Julian fended him off
until he could get his own shorts and the older man's clothes off,
which he accomplished with ruthless efficiency, throwing everything
outside-in onto the floor. He pushed Miles down on his back and lay,
or fell, on top of him, and at the feel of that both of them exclaimed
something to the effect of oh GOD, and Julian tried to stop moving,
sliding his erection against Miles's, across his groin and belly, but
he couldn't stop, he-- "Miles I--hate to--oh sweet Gods say this--"

"Go ahead, it's all right, let go--"

Julian clasped Miles hard up around the shoulders, and exploded with a
single loud cry, arms clenching like cables on Miles, loosening, then
tightening again; Julian's mouth strained in a silent scream, his
smooth dark body tossed and plunging, for a subjective eternity.

When it was over, he lay collapsed with his head on Miles's shoulder.
He felt the pressure of Miles's hardness, sliding gently against his
stomach in the sleek moisture between them, moving in the pressure of
their bodies. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Oh, Julian..." Miles's arms firmed around him. "If ye were tellin'
the truth earlier, ye've had that bleedin' duranium in yer trousers
all day."

"I have. And that hasn't happened since I was a boy. I don't know if
it was you in particular, or your telling me how you felt, or
needing--something--needing to..." he sighed, then kept whispering "To
fill that void that I found behind...what I finally saw. What I
finally lost."

"Anything for you, laddo, it doesn't matter to me why."

"I do love you. Some way. However it is I do that, I love you."

"I know it, Julian. Just rest a few, get some air in your lungs. I'm
not done with you by a long toss."

Julian smiled.

---

"Miles."

"Mm."

"I'm an idiot."

Miles waited a moment before replying "And?"

Julian rolled over and poked him in the ribs. "And I'm sorry for
making a prize ninny out of myself. You're right; it was arrogant of
me to think this was all my responsibility."

"You save people's lives for a living, me love. It makes sense you've
an
overblown sense of responsibility. I just hate to see you tearing your
heart out."

Julian rubbed his cheek against Miles's shoulder, moving over close to
him, feeling loose and lithe as a cat. Appropriately, Miles lifted a
hand to start stroking the younger man's dark hair.

"You really think we'd self-destruct inside a few months?" Julian
whispered.

"I know it. I love you, but it takes more than that. We're inherently
incompatible. Besides, you'd get tired of me. We'd make one compromise
too many, some lovely young thing would catch your eye, and that'd be
that."

"How rude. I'm not that shallow, Miles."

"Shall I ask how deep you are of that Dabo girl you've been hanging
about Quark's to see? Leeta, that's her name. Pleasant woman. Brings
me and the other engineers free drinks when we're repairing whatever's
broken most recently in that place."

"Leeta and I aren't serious."

"Yet, you mean."

"She's Bajoran, devout, and as libidinous as most Bajorans are. Even
if we start something, I doubt it will lead to much. I do like her
company, though. My status and credentials don't impress her a bit.
And you're avoiding my question."

"I answered you."

"But how can you be so certain of it? As if either of us could have
foreseen what's happening between us now."

"If you're thinking of throwing in with Keiko and me, I've got to tell
you that she'd never consider a clan marriage."

"Don't be smart with me. I wondered what your reasoning was, that's
all."

"I told you. Now it's time for paranoid egotistical doctors to get to
sleep, eh?"

"You sleep. I don't want to."

Miles was still a moment, then turned on his side and gathered Julian
close, leaving the other man's head where it was on Miles's shoulder.
"I won't insult you by asking why. Criminy. I can't *imagine* how you
could possibly feel *this* way about me. Compared to you, I'm not
exactly a prime specimen of--"

"Shut UP, Miles. I may never be this close to you again after tonight
and I won't waste the time convincing you of what you know perfectly
well. Good Lord, I nearly soaked it in my shorts a few hours ago just
from kissing you. Keiko's an absolute pearl, and you don't question
that SHE loves you, do you? Forget why. I just do. Leave it at that."

"Consider it left. Anything for you."

"That's my line."

"Shut up, Julian."

"That's such a sweet pet name. 'Shut up Julian'. So sentimental."

"Shut up, Julian."

"I've a pet name for Keiko, you know. I suppose it's not a pet name
really, just the words 'Keiko, my Keiko' uttered in a theatrical
fashion."

"You're shameless flirts, the pair of you."

"You shouldn't have let us revel amidst the cushions so many times if
you didn't want us flirting."

"I can see," Miles said, lifting himself on one elbow, "that there's
just the one way you'll be shut up."

"I'm all expectancy."

"An' for tonight, yer all mine."

Julian abandoned his baiting and kissed Miles back with something like
desperation. For one wild moment, he thought he was about to burst
into tears. The thought was so startling that the feeling abated and
he was able to devote his attention entirely to Miles.

---

Julian woke, curled around a pillow, after about two hours of sleep;
he knew before his eyes opened that Miles was gone. "Damn," Julian
whispered, "damn, damn--" his hands clenched in the sheet under him as
he buried his face in it.

He took a breath, controlling himself. He couldn't guarantee he
wouldn't have done the same thing if he'd woke first. Now, at
least--if it never happened again--they'd remember only the being
together, not a drawn-out breaking apart.

He sat up slowly, looking at the clock; alpha shift had started a few
minutes ago. He leaned over to the comm by the bed, buzzed the
infirmary, and told Nurse Tora he'd be in in about an hour.

In the shower--a hot water shower, this morning--he had to choke off
sobs twice. What made this even more irritating was that he knew it
was as much for the purely personal epiphanal shock he'd had, as for
Miles.
Miles always had told him he had no business setting his standards for
his own behavior, ability, or control several parsecs higher than he
expected of anyone else. He'd usually phrased it something to the
effect of "stop being so bloody arrogant", but "be easier on yourself"
was what he'd been saying, in the only way he could manage.

Likely why Julian was...like he was. 'Self-involved; I define the
term.' He let the shower blast him in the face for the shock of it,
then turned it off and stood there a minute, dripping. 'I could show
up in the infirmary. I might even manage to accomplish something. But
no better than I can concentrate, I'd be mostly in the way.'

He toweled off and buzzed the infirmary again. "Me again, Tora. I
don't think I'll be in today after all, unless there's an emergency.
Anything untoward, any serious cases, call me at once. I can leave
what I'm...sorting at any time, so don't hesitate."

"Right, Doctor. Nothing nonroutine scheduled so far. I doubt we'll
need to call you."

"Fine, then. And Tora...don't even get near my files."

The nurse sighed. "Yes, Doctor."

"Thanks so much. Bashir out."

"Infirmary out."

A couple of hours later, he was lying on the couch, a hand over his
eyes, where he'd been ever since he pulled on a clean uniform after
calling the infirmary. He almost wished someone would end up with a
case of decompression syndrome, or multiple fractures, or SOMEthing;
if one thing could take his mind off anything else, it was a patient.
He hadn't been thinking so much as getting used to a few very alien
ideas, forcing himself to observe them without bolting into a
rationalization, or going
overboard in the *other* direction; he was perfect, or he was a
pathetic fool, one or the other.

Remembering what Keiko had said to Miles was all that kept him on, for
him, a fairly even keel. Human: committing errors was inevitable.
Adult: everyone was responsible for their own contribution to error,
no matter how inevitable it might be. She seemed to be saying that
fault was not, in her opinion, the issue. She was right. The issue was
what in the name of all Gods could possibly be done to amend it--or at
least blunt the worst of the repercussions.

Always alternatives, he thought. Too late for Plan A, which as far as
Julian could see, would have been to skip the whole experience with
Miles and Keiko--then he'd never have known...no, eventually,
something would have brought it to his attention. One session with a
good semi-telepathic counselor had brought it out. And Miles would
have had to discontinue their acquaintance, and been left with all
this buried and unresolved, and even Keiko and Molly would have
suffered for that. But what alternatives could there be now...?

Unsurprisingly, he found himself swimming to wakefulness with a minor
crick in his neck. But it wasn't the crick that woke him; it was his
terminal comm, signaling repeatedly. He swung his feet down, blinking
and running his hands through his hair, stood slowly and went to sit
at the desk, acknowledging the signal. "Bashir here. Hello, Major."

"Doctor. You're not an easy man to find today. I checked the infirmary
and all the labs; it's not like you to miss a work day."

"Had something of a shock to the system--catching up on sleep. Tora
didn't call, did she?"

"No, I haven't spoken to her. You have a subspace signal coming in
from Bajor. It's Keiko."

Julian surmised that his face had gone truly priceless, since the
Major's already-large eyes widened even farther. "Are you all right?
Julian?"

"I--ahem." He coughed. "I'm fine. Please..." He took a deep breath,
and said the only thing there was to say. "Please route her through to
me."

"Routing the call now." Kira's parting nod was replaced with the comm
logo, then with Keiko O'Brien's visage. She looked tense and tired,
not much different than he likely did himself.

"Julian."

"Hello, Keiko."

"You look tired."

"You aren't the picture of serenity yourself," Julian said. "I take it
you took today off too?"

Keiko was wearing one of her kimono robes with underwrap, not
something she wore outside the house, and her hair was pulled back in
a ponytail, a style she detested wearing in public. "Yes, I did.
Though it's nearly the end of my today." She paused, holding a breath
she'd caught to speak, then said "I told Miles to take care of you. I
know he's at work now; it's how he deals with things like this. Did
he?"

"Come to me?" Julian sighed, closing his eyes. "Yes. But I think it
took him a couple of hours to decide it was the right thing to do."

"We talked for almost two hours. Blew our subspace allotment through
the
ceiling."

"Then it took him four hours to get here. Hardly mattered; I wasn't
asleep."

"No, I'm willing to bet you weren't. You were awake, with a bunch of
bloody olive switches in your hand, weren't you?"

"An accurate, if unappetizing, assessment." He opened his eyes. "And
you, Keiko? How are you feeling about this monster we've created?"

"At least you said 'we'. That's one battle we won't have to fight--you
can see that things that happen aren't always all about you, or your
responsibility."

"I can now. Miles told me what you said to him. I've been remembering
it
repeatedly--continuously. It's the reason you see a tired but calm
fool in front of you now, instead of--let's not talk about instead of.
You're feeling...?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling," she sighed. "It all seemed so...not
just harmless, but *intelligent*. I really thought I had it all
figured out. You at least had the sense to be nervous about it."

"I was *only* nervous about Miles vivisecting me with a phaser torch
if I touched him, or you. I never would have anticipated...Miles not
being able to get it out of his head, or what would happen to me
because of the counseling session I dragged him to. I thought you had
it all figured out, as well--it made sense to me, provided Miles was
interested and co-operative. I think the only one in this situation
that we can count as completely innocent is Miles. We ambushed him,
after all."

"Except that it's Miles who can't stop thinking about you now."

"Keiko, I...I can't stop thinking about him, either. Not only because
I...care--"

"Love him."

"Call it that if you like, I certainly don't know how to put it,
because--I don't know if I've ever really loved someone in my life. He
may be the only one. But I don't know, I can't tell, because I'm so
locked off from so much of my own..." he let his breath out, rubbing
his face with one hand. "Recently I find myself growing...
dissatisfied with who I am, and in one burst of light I was shown that
many things that I believed were...why I am like I am...weren't true.
I needed that trip to see Telnori far worse than Miles did. He asked
me one question--whether I felt for Miles what Miles did for me. If
he'd said 'do you love Miles,' I'd have said certainly. But..."

"Miles said something like that. But which of you needed the visit
worse is debatable."

"Keiko, he told Telnori that the only way he *could* stop thinking
about me was to think about you. He said, and I believe him--and so
does Telnori, I'm certain--that he loves you no less than the day you
were married."

"But there's a very important point--"

"I know. I know...I'm several AUs closer to him than you are. And I
can't think what to do about that save request reassignment. I badly
don't want to do that. I want his friendship, Keiko, not that part of
himself he reserves for you. But the things I've discovered...I'm
terrified of losing him. He may be..."

"...the only one. That you've really loved."

"And I can't even be sure of that. But if he is..."

"Julian." Keiko reached toward her screen, apparently touching it
somewhere to the side of the pickup at the top. "I can't
believe...that what we shared will end in such a mess. It was too
right. We WERE right, Julian. We'll find what it is we're not seeing,
any or all of the three of us, we'll..."

"Find the workable alternative?" Julian smiled sadly.

"We *will*," Keiko said sharply. "I'll accept nothing less. If I have
to take it on myself, I will. If not for my bright idea, none of this
would have happened--"

"You don't know that. Miles was having such feelings, and eventually I
would have too."

Keiko smiled. "You're starting to get the idea, Julian."

Julian laughed softly. "I sincerely hope I am...oh, Keiko, my Keiko."

"I always meant to ask you if that came from the poem that starts 'Oh
Captain, my Captain.' Pretty depressing piece of literature."

"No. Just from my constant amazement with you. I told Miles I was
going to marry you, and he said I had to get in line."

"No more than the truth there. I'm already so engaged, pardon the
pun."

"I take it I won't be seeing Miles again until after you've arrived?"

"Meet my shuttle flight tomorrow. Eleven hundred, your time. He'll be
there too."

"How long have you got?"

"Three days, this time. Not bad, considering."

"No, it's not. You must have a very understanding supervisor."

"Julian, for all practical purposes, since I got my doctorate, I AM
the
supervisor. I have a lot of freedom as long as I don't throw my weight
around too much."

"Not much of it to throw. I *can* lift you with one arm, after all."

"That was the first time I've ever been clean-lifted naked." She
laughed, then sighed. "Oh, Julian...I don't want to stand between you
and Miles, but I can't...Miles and I know what we want in our family
life..."

"I'm not even thinking of disturbing that, Kei. Ever."

"I know...I was angry, and if you'd been here when I first talked to
Miles I would have said some pretty hateful things to you. But I've
calmed down and it's going to be all right. By the way, Molly's
staying with some friends we have here; I didn't think it was the sort
of trip to bring her on."

"Very wise. Children sense such extreme tension, even if it's not
directed at them. I'll see you tomorrow at eleven hundred, my Keiko."

"Try to get some rest, Julian. You look like you could use it." The
screen flashed the usual logo.

"Get some *rest*," Julian almost laughed, rubbing his eyes. "Rest..."

---

Miles was already there when Julian arrived at the airlock. Julian
came up to stand next to him, and they locked eyes for a moment, then
simultaneously turned to face the gear-shaped door, silent.

Miles finally spoke, though he didn't raise his eyes. "Nervous as I
am?"

"Worse. I'm the other...um..."

"I know what you're the other. But I'm the straying husband."

"You only strayed the once, and she basically gave you permission."

"I told you already; it's not for lack of the desire. And she knows
it. Besides, it was more than once. What, five was it?"

"I suppose it depends on how you count, but in any case, all on the
same
occasion." Julian paused, then continued "She called me yesterday."

"She said she was going to."

"You could've warned me."

"Why? What did she say?"

"It wasn't what she said, it was that she called me. I nearly fouled
my
drawers."

Miles chuckled.

"Bounder. You did it on purpose."

"Actually, I was going to tell you, but when I finally worked up the
nerve to come to you and you were practically naked when I walked
in--with a log in your shorts the size of my arm--it went out of my
head, for *some* reason. I remembered when I woke, but..."

"...you didn't want to wake me, apparently."

"Your heart'd hurt enough. You needed the rest. And I needed not to
feel your eyes on me when I left."

Julian sighed. "It's all right. I understand."

They were quiet for a few moments.

Julian said "Is this blasted flight always late? And don't tell me
it's solar activity again."

"It's not late. We're early."

"Not by my clock."

"Remind me and I'll come by and reset it for you."

"I know how to reset a Cardassian clock, for..."

"Fine, don't remind me. I'll come up with another excuse to see you."

Julian was quiet a moment, then said, in a small voice, "Sorry."

"Ah, well. You wouldn't be you if you didn't ram your leg down your
throat on a regular basis."

"And you wouldn't be you if you weren't incessantly commenting on it."

"Well, there you are."

The shuttle's arrival was announced and the lock rolled open. It was a
very different scene from the last time they'd greeted her here. Both
of them stood there frozen as Keiko walked up to them carrying a
shoulder bag; far less than she'd brought last time--shorter stay, no
child. She stopped in front of them and stood there, looking back and
forth between them. "Can't ONE of you at least look me in the face?"

"Sorry, Kei," Julian said, leaning to relieve her of the shoulder bag
and kiss her forehead softly; once Julian had the bag Miles embraced
her, pretty much enveloping her.

"Me love. It's so good to see you."

"You didn't look like it a minute ago. No, don't say it--I know. It's
all right. Come on; let's not stand around by the lock all day."

As they headed for the O'Brien's quarters, Julian wondering what the
hell they were all going to say to each other once they got there, he
also reflected that while Keiko didn't exactly look cheerful, she
didn't look angry, either. Tired and thoughtful, which he supposed was
the best he could have expected--it wasn't as though she usually got
off that transport cheerful. She really seemed to hate the thing.

He went into the bedroom to set her carrybag down; when he came back
out Keiko had obtained a cup of coffee and was sucking fixedly on it.
Definitely tired, Julian thought.

"All right," she finally said after they'd all sat down, Keiko taking
a chair, evidently to spare Miles the decision of whether to sit next
to her. Miles and Julian sort of lined up on the sofa, like errant
children. God, I hope the other night was worth it, Julian thought,
trying to stop sweating. She continued. "Miles told me the
seven-alternatives story, and about Telnori. I think I'd better try to
see him too while I'm here."

"I'll arrange it," Julian said at once. "He'll cut you in somewhere
for me."

"Fine. First off, I'm going to ask you both to calm *down* before you
give ME an embolism, all right? Miles, go ahead and hold his hand. You
know you want to."

Julian nearly developed another advanced case of dropjaw, but he
obediently interlaced his fingers with Miles's when the other man
reached for them. "We'll get to the other parts of him you want to
hold in a minute."

The woman was merciless. She does have a right to be, Julian
reflected. She was continuing. "I have what I think may be an idea,
but there's a lot of things that need clarifying before I feel right
about suggesting it, especially since the last time I came up with an
idea of this nature it sent my husband over the edge for someone else.
Oh, stop blushing, Miles. You can hardly say it's not a legitimate
concern."

"Yes, but WE don't know what to do," Julian said, "and you usually
manage to...find answers, when things go wrong."

"Did Telnori have any ideas?"

"Not immediate ones, no, except that he thought it would be advisable
if Miles and I only saw each other in his presence until we weren't so
thoroughly confused about everything, especially on my part. We're on
his schedule twice weekly for the next two months. He only gave us one
directive, and we've already broken it about as badly as it's possible
to."

"And he doesn't know yet that I called you, or that you're here,"
Miles said.

"He told me to wait until I felt a little surer of the situation. I
just decided that this is an unstable situation and no point waiting."

"Can't fight you there." She set her empty cup down. "I'm tempted to
see if Deanna's in subspace range."

"Actually, she was the first therapist I suggested," Julian said, "but
from what Miles said, she's a good friend of yours--too close to the
problem."

Keiko smiled distantly. "She's closer to it than he knows. Deanna and
I had a three-week affair."

There was a dead silence, then Julian nearly got all the fingers of
his right hand broken as the chief, agog, was finally able to emit the
word "WHAT?"

"It was before Data introduced me to you, Miles. Almost right before,
in fact."

Miles was completely incapable of speech; Julian said dryly "I take it
you never told him."

"No. I thought that it might make him uncomfortable, they worked
together so much, and Deanna agreed with me. Also, Miles used to have
a nasty habit of getting jealous, and Deanna is my friend. I didn't
want him worrying."

"Did he have anything to worry about?"

"No, but that never stopped him. I really thought I was in love with
her for a while, but she very gently informed me that I wasn't. I was
young, and hadn't ever been far from home--she was so intelligent and
exotic..."

"And not at all hard on the eyes," Julian contributed.

Keiko grinned. "That either. Plus there's something to be said for
having a lover who can...sense what works best for you."

"I can just imagine. Miles? Are you all right?"

"You and the *Counselor*?" the chief gasped out.

"I told you, it was before we met."

"It does explain why Miles formed an impression of you two being very
close."

"We were. We don't talk as often as we'd like, she's always off at
some obscure end of the quadrant, though I saw her not long ago--you
remember, Miles, she visited the station, too. Beverly Crusher was
here at the same time."

"That must be when I met them both...what is it, a couple of months
now?" Julian pondered.

"But only because they were between assignments," Keiko clarified.

"Mostly Deanna and I exchange letters. And now that that's been
explored, let's get back to--"

"Counselor TROI?"

"Miles!" Keiko rolled her eyes and threw up her hands, letting them
fall to her thighs with a slap. "We have things to discuss besides a
relationship I had before I ever met you."

"I can't believe you never told me."

"Now I have."

Miles had the look of someone reshuffling an entire category of their
memory. "The counselor. My God. I'm amazed you settled for me."

Julian asided to Keiko "He's been like that lately."

"It happens periodically," Keiko said. She added "Miles, she and I
could never have worked. Her culture and mine are different enough to
make yours and mine look like next-door neighbors. Besides, sometimes
I think she was only interested in me that way because she got the
full tsunami of my feelings about her whenever I saw her."

"Though the way she looks, she probably has that problem fairly
often," Julian muttered. "She can't go to bed with them all."

"Then either I had the highest lust quotient or maybe I just lucked
out. It's a dead issue, all right?"

"Right," Julian said, squeezing Miles's hand. "We *do* have other
things to discuss."

Shaking her head as she stared ruefully at Miles's continued blank
stare, Keiko sighed "Great, now he's going to be distracted for hours.
Probably getting visuals. TRY to pay attention, Miles."

"I'm here," Miles said, blinking a few times. He cleared his throat
and managed to focus on Keiko again.

"I need to verify something Miles told me he said to you, the
last--make that second-to-last--time you two were in bed together."
That said, she paused, apparently choosing words. "He told you you
were--in a different category from me. Besides the obvious."

"He told me he loved you with his whole soul," Julian said gently,
almost a whisper. "And that I was more of a...a temptation, that he
could see himself falling hard for me--"

"And so I have," Miles muttered almost inaudibly.

"--but that we'd never work, even dismissing his being married as a
factor. Said I'd have him raving within a few months. And he said some
version of the same thing--adding that I would inevitably get bored
with him--the night you told him to hold me together. Or I suppose it
was early morning by then. Rather irrelevant on a space station
though, isn't--"

"Stop babbling, Julian, we've had enough distractions. All right;
that's what he told me, too; it appears he really believes it."

"Of course I believe it," Miles said, stung.

"I know you love me, Miles, but I still can't put it completely past
you to say something like that just to make me feel better, even if
you have no intention of dumping me for Julian, which yes, I know, you
don't. All right?"

Miles settled himself, grumbling.

"Now, this is going to sound strange, especially considering what
happened last time I came up with an idea like this." She paused, then
continued "And I'm sure that Telnori wouldn't approve of it. I know
Deanna would tell me to think twice, considering."

"Keiko, if you have an idea, let's hear it. We can't come up with any
alternatives that we don't hate."

"Maybe," she finally said, deliberate and slow, staring into space,
thinking, "the problem is you're trying to find ways to back out of
the situation. Make it so that week never happened, that Miles
never...developed those feelings for you, you two return to the sort
of friendship you had, like that."

Julian nodded. "I suppose..."

"Oh my God," Miles said.

Julian looked at him. "What?"

"I know what she's gon'ta bloody SAY, that's what."

Keiko smirked. "Maybe you'd like to tell him, then."

"I can't believe you'd suggest this."

"Believe me, I've pinched myself more than once since I came to this
conclusion."

Miles still looked stunned, and Keiko went on. "Time, and life, only
flow in one direction, barring the occasional accidental slingshot
effect, right?"

Julian smiled. "Right."

"What I see is this; you can't go back and change anything, it's way
too late to head what's happened with the two of you off. The only way
out now...may be to go through."

Julian's brow wrinkled. "Through?"

"She means," Miles said in the same strangled voice he'd responded to
Keiko's Deanna revelation with, "that we should...do it."

"Do what, exactly?"

"You know, IT. Have the relationship. Be with each other for however
long it takes to get bored or go mad and break up."

"If, of course, you think your friendship will survive it," Keiko
clarified as Julian's eyes went glassy. "I'm sure it would,
personally; I took into account the fact that neither of you can bear
the thought of losing each other as friends. But the decision has to
be yours, of course."

"Oh my God," Julian said.

"See? Like I said! Keiko, you are either the most optimistic human in
the entire quadrant or you're out of your mind," Miles said.

"Or both," Julian managed to blurt. "Kei, are you sure about this?"

Keiko sighed and got up, wandering around the room. "What do you want
me to say, Julian? How can I be completely sure about anything? Last
time I came up with a way to get Miles over you, he just lost any
remaining reservations he might have had about you as a lover."

"Yes, that's what I said to Telnori," Julian responded. "That you and
I had intended a sort of cathartic experience and wound up aggravating
the problem."

"Which is why I can't tell you I'm sure about this--either whether it
will work or whether I want you to try it. But from what Miles tells
me...you're out of options. If I asked him to, Miles would never see
you again. But can you imagine what that would do to our marriage, to
the way he sees me? I'd no more ask him to give up his best friend
than ask him to give up being an engineer. Yes, Miles, I know you'd
still love me. But you can't deny that things wouldn't ever be quite
the same again. A sacrifice like that, you don't forget, even if you
make it willingly."

Miles stared at the floor and said nothing.

"On top of that," Keiko continued, "Miles told me what happened to you
in Telnori's office, Julian, remember? So did you, for that matter. If
I took Miles away from you now...I don't know if you'd be all right
eventually or not, but I know that it would kill Miles to know he'd
abandoned you, justifiably or not, when you needed him more than you
ever had."

Now Julian was mute also.

Keiko sat back down, picked up her dead coffee cup, remembered it was
dead and got back up to take it to the replicator. "Nothing to say,
either of you?"

"There's nothing *left* to say," Julian managed. "You've pounded every
nail down completely flat. You are the wisest woman I have ever known,
Kei--"

"Not if you've met Deanna," she muttered, but quietly enough that
Julian just talked over it.

"--but this...I have to question such an idea's...propriety."

"Propriety?" Her voice and eyebrows rose on the word. "Don't you think
it's a little late to worry about propriety? It's time to forget the
appropriateness of it all. If you come up with another idea beyond the
first seven, I'm ready to hear it."

There was silence. Keiko leaned against the wall, looking at them, her
gaze intense as a precision-focus scanner beam. The silence stretched.
Finally Keiko levered herself away from the wall and said "I'm beat; I
think those transport shuttle flights are actually getting longer
every time I take one. I'm going to have a nap. First, though, I'm
going to say one more thing--the lure of the forbidden is a powerful
force. I suspect that if I remove that factor...well, it may be
relevant, you get the idea. You two talk amongst yourselves."

She went into the bedroom and the door closed behind her.

Miles and Julian sat there frozen for a good thirty seconds. When one
of them finally spoke, it was Julian saying "My God" again.

Eventually, Miles let go of Julian's hand and got up to pace.

Julian finally said, "You're the one who's so sure it couldn't work
between us. What do you think?"

"I think...damn and blast, Julian, I don't know what I think. I
*can't* think."

"Neither can I. We're a great pair to be making a decision like this,
aren't we?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd think Keiko's brain hadn't completely
rematerialized the last time she stepped off a transporter."

"The way she must feel right now, she'd probably agree with you."

The chief sat down again, leaning his head in his hands. "I think of
her, and I don't see how I could ever do something like that to her.
But when I think of you...I don't see how I could *not*."

"I'd live, if you decided to go for option two," Julian said quietly.
"I
wouldn't enjoy it, but I'd do it."

"Same here. But the problem is, *Keiko* doesn't want us to live
without each other. Explained why in some detail."

"She also has a point about the lure of the forbidden."

"There's that too."

"Miles, how the hell DID we get ourselves into this? It's...it's
surreal. Again."

"Y'know, a couple of years ago I'd've fainted laughing at the idea I'd
be in a tumult like this for love of *you*."

"Mm..." Julian nodded. "Keiko was very big about things before, a few
weeks ago--"

"Believe me, that experience she wouldn't have missed either. What I
said to Telnori was only truth."

"But this is entirely different. How can she stand this? It's contrary
to everything she believes in."

"Nor does it fall in that well with what I believe in. But...hate to
say it...we don't really have a choice to make, here."

"It's an intolerable situation, and the best we can come up with only
makes it more intolerable. She's right. The only way out is through."

"If there *is* a way out, you mean," Miles corrected him grimly.

"Aye, there's the rub," Julian muttered. "How sure are you I'll drive
you batty in a few months?"

"Completely."

"That's it, then," Julian said. "We just become lovers."

"You'll understand if I don't rent a hall and make an announcement."

"Oh, certainly. Wouldn't do for the whole station to know."

"The whole station 'knew' we were having an affair back when the only
time I'd ever touched you was to hand you things. How much harder will
it be to keep this quiet?"

"It shouldn't be impossible. No one knows about my week with you and
Keiko. Remember, what people noticed last time was when you started
treating me like a bag of--"

"Yes, there was that. So I suppose if we want to keep this quiet, we
should go down to Quark's and have sex on a dabo table."

"Tongo. The dabo tables look rather uncomfortable."

"It's a lot of faith you've got in my sense of balance."

"I believe the wheel, in Tongo, can be locked to slower motion."

"Julian, shut up and come here."

Forgoing comment, Julian did. They stood wrapped together for a few
moments; then Julian said "We'd...better tell Keiko."

"When she wakes is soon enough. Besides, d'you think she doesn't
know?"

"You've a point there."

---

About an hour later, Miles was staring fixedly into the living room
terminal, running maintenance records; Julian was in Molly's bedroom,
playing with her zoological hologram set, trying to program a
green-and-blue zebra of his own creation to dance a modified waltz
with a lobster. The zebra was starting to get the hang of it, but the
lobster was suffering from polypod klutz syndrome. Miles got up,
approached the open door of Molly's room, and leaned on the doorframe;
he watched a moment, taking in the muted Strauss in the background and
the odd couple in the foreground, then offered "The lobster's ahead on
the downbeat."

"It's the only way I can fit all those legs into one measure. I
*would* pick three-quarter time."

"How are you? Feeling all right?"

"Don't worry. I don't expect to burst into tears again for the next
while."

"You don't--and when did THIS happen?"

"Actually it hasn't, quite. I retained my composure."

"When, I said."

"When we'd started up--devil, which was it--fourth. The fourth time we
pounded the pillows the other night, and twice in the shower yesterday
morning." His voice was that of the easy, carefree Julian, and he
didn't look up from the line he was entering into the holoset board.

Miles let out a long breath, his forehead falling on the wrist he had
braced against the doorframe. "I'm sorry, Julian. I can't begin to
tell you."

"Hardly your fault. I told you I'd likely have done the same thing.
And in any case, it was mostly about me, not you, at least in the
shower. That's what annoyed me about it so much. It would have helped
a lot to be sure I was worried about your situation, or at least
lovelorn, instead of just stripped of some very immature illusions
about myself. So self-indulgent."

"I still should have been there for you." He went down on one knee,
resting an elbow on the other, next to where Julian was sitting in a
lanky pile on the floor. "I *want* to be there for you. That's what
all this ballyhoo's about."

Julian closed his eyes, momentarily abandoning the programming board.
"I know. And now it looks like you will be, at least for a while. Long
enough."

Miles ran his hand through Julian's hair, and caressed his cheek,
saying "Didn't we say something about that line 'long enough' two
weeks ago? Doesn't matter if we do any pillow-pounding. You've been
here for me for years, as much as I'd let you be, no matter how
roaring a bastard I was to you."

Julian half-smiled and raised his eyes to Miles's. "I know, chief. But
the intrepid Doctor Bashir has just had a number of paste gems knocked
out of his corona, and he's rather embarrassed...and you know how
self-absorbed I can be."

Miles muttered "Don't I just," and kissed him.

Julian abandoned the board, surprised at how fast he reached up to
wrap his arms around Miles's neck, eyes closing, mind blanking,
retreating into the warm sensory shelter of the open mouth on his.

Finally Miles got an arm farther down Julian's waist and pulled the
narrow body up against him, letting Julian's head rest on his shoulder
again. Julian reflected that he was really getting to like the feeling
that gave him. "Cinnamon," Miles murmured.

Julian chuckled. "Perhaps it's my dentifrice."

"Not unless you rub it all over your body, it's not."

Julian convulsed in a spasm of stifled laughter, pressing his face
into Miles's neck to keep the noise down. "Miles, I could stay like
this all day, but if Keiko finds us...well, the term 'rude slap in the
face' does occur."

"Right," Miles said, then released Julian after a moment. "I'll go
finish coordinating those maintenance reports. And if I were you, I'd
switch that lobster to something with fewer legs. Like a paresi
squares team."

"I'll certainly consider that advice."

---

Miles stood again as soon as Keiko stepped out of the bedroom; she'd
spruced up a bit, her hair coiled in a twist knot with a couple of
hair brooches wound in, and she was wearing the red dress Miles was so
fond of, with some red satin flats. Miles took her shoulders and
kissed her; she kissed back with no evidence of disquiet. Julian
hastily shut off the holograms, punching the reset, and came out to
the living room.

Keiko raised smooth eyebrows. "You two have just been waiting?"

"Ah, basically, yes," Julian affirmed, locking eyes with Miles. "We do
have something to tell you."

"I know. I'm right, aren't I?"

Julian stared; Miles just nodded.

"Then let's celebrate your decision. There are a few details I'd like
to
mention, some guidelines to lay down. Over dinner at Ansar's."

"Ah...Bajoran sounds..."

"Good," Miles finished for him. "Sounds just right, eh Julian?"

"Oh, yes. Smashing. Let's go." 'Details and ground rules,' Julian
thought, following the two out. 'Perhaps that'll ease my conscience a
bit, but Miles...?'

Several people greeted the serenely smiling Keiko as she walked down
the
promenade with her husband and the station CMO, looking like the pearl
Julian had compared her to two days ago. A black pearl, he thought
now. Iridescent with a multitude of colors up close, gleaming the
single color of hematite from farther off.

"Keiko!" came a bright voice from the walkway over their heads. They
stopped and looked up. "Jadzia!" Keiko called back, waving.

"How long are you here for?" Dax asked, leaning her weight on the
guardrail to peer almost straight down, dark hair falling over one
shoulder.

"Not long, I'm afraid," Keiko told her. "A few days. I'll be spending
the time with Miles this trip, but it's not long before the holidays
on Bajor. I'll be back for a couple of weeks then."

Dax nodded and lifted a hand in farewell. "We'll look each other up
then. Nerys and I could use some help with the decorations--our
tradition has turned into a monster." She grinned.

"Count on me!" Keiko laughed, waving back as Julian, as a result of
Jadzia's chosen metaphor, put every nanowatt of his brainpower into
keeping his face fixed in a pleasant smile. 'I'm being paranoid,' he
enjoined himself as they continued on their way. Though Dax often
*did* seem to have some sort of mysterious intuitive power-- 'But
then, so would I, if I'd been seven different people and lived three
hundred years.'

Neprim happened to be in evidence in the main room of the restaurant,
and smiled at seeing Keiko. She came over to them and took Keiko's
hands, giving them a squeeze and repeating Jadzia's question; Keiko
reiterated her explanations, and Neprim seated them at Keiko's
favorite table, which overlooked one of the largest ports on the
station. A tiny flame burned in a Bajoran twisted-glass vessel in the
center of the round tabletop, creating the feeling of an island of
light floating in the night sky. They ordered, and as the waiter
headed down the
stairs Keiko said "All right, I think we can get this part over with
fairly quickly, and be free to enjoy dinner."

"Whatever you say, me darlin'," Miles said quietly.

Keiko's demeanor was completely relaxed, her voice clearly audible,
but just as clearly inaudible to any of the other patrons. "First,"
she said, "I may wind up regretting this, but I want to be kept
informed. I'll be talking to Telnori, and I'll be talking to both of
you, probably separately. Usually not during Alpha shift."

"Telnori's got a private subspace line, doesn't go through ops,"
Julian
supplied, "and so do I, in my office. The calls'll go on the station
communications log, though."

"The whole call, or just the date and time?"

"Date and time, and recipient and caller."

"I might be able to see that no one has reason to wonder at Keiko's
call
volume," Miles said. "I'll just have a word with my communications
chief--I'll think of something to tell her."

"That'll have to be good enough. You give me a call about once a week,
Julian--Miles can tell you when I'm likely to be home. If more than a
few extra days go by, I'll call you."

"Got it."

"Now this isn't the brightest question, but I have to ask it--you
don't intend to start sharing quarters on a regular basis, do you? It
would be the most effective arrangement for all *our* purposes, but
it's also bound to cause talk. I don't think it's necessary for my
family to suffer for this."

"Unless we can come up with a plausible explanation for it--and I
admit none is occurring at the moment--we'll likely stay over with
each other about as often as we do now. Whenever it winds up that
way," Julian supplied. "We've discussed--although to no great
effect--the best method of keeping this quiet. No one knows about a
few weeks ago--"

"That's because we had an excellent pretext for you to be staying with
us--you were still recovering from being dead."

"From a plasma shock."

"Whatever. You've pretty much established that you're fully recovered;
and we're talking here about...a longer time than a week."

"True."

"The one thing you do have going for you in terms of secrecy is that
everyone is used to seeing you together whenever you have a free
moment--" she smiled slightly. "As I stated so profoundly in that epic
call with Miles a while ago."

"I remember," Julian and Miles both said.

She smiled a little more broadly. "Glad to know I have such an impact
on you both."

"Crikey, darlin', any more impact and you'd've blown the comm out."

"In any case. You two are going to have to remember to act as you
always have before with each other--if you start avoiding each other,
or get quiet and uncomfortable--" she addressed the last part directly
to Miles, "--people are going to notice that, too."

"They did," Julian said. "Quark was one of the busiest speculators,
pardon the expression. I shouldn't have any trouble concocting a
suitable public facade so as not to either...forget myself, or seem
suspiciously reserved."

"Yes, you probably can, but...look, I've found that Bajorans are
very...perceptive, they operate well on instinct, and they don't feel
any silly reservations about stating an opinion about what they
observe. Do us all a favor and be on your guard, even against being
too on your guard. If you have to, deliberately act naturally." She
directed this at Julian; asking Miles to pull off a successful fakeroo
for any length of time was like trying to get subtlety out of a
turnip.

"I think," Julian said, "that I'm going to be pretty wrapped up in
myself for at least a while. Nothing unusual there."

"Fine. Just remember what I said. Now, we don't know how long this is
going to go on; so we'll have to assume that Molly and I will be home
for a number of visits in the meantime. While we're back here--Julian,
you're completely welcome to spend time with us, but if we're going to
bring this off without anyone the wiser, you're going to have to
return him to us for the time we're here."

"I'm not trying to take him from you even temporarily, Kei--"

"Word it however you want to, then, but whenever Molly and I are here,
it's business as usual--or as was usual before...this."

"I understand. It's what I expected. And it's hardly unreasonable,"
Julian assured her. Miles was quiet; he may have been the topic under
discussion, but he was used to Keiko--and occasionally
Julian--deciding what it was he needed, or wanted, and arranging it
without consulting him. That was the big drawback of his personality,
but it avoided things which, for him, were harder.

The food arrived a few moments after they settled that they'd all be
seeing Telnori before Keiko left; Julian took one bite of his entree
and ordered a second pitcher of ale. Keiko tried hers, wheezed, and
told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming.

"This is a sign of that instinctive receptivity from Neprim, right?
Right?"

"Eat your burning coals, Julian," Miles said, tucking into his food
with a will.

"I love Neprim's food once my mouth goes a little numb," Keiko said,
taking a massive swig from her glass.

---

Julian woke up and realized that he'd been not asleep for a while.
Just not awake, either. He started to lift his head and stopped. Ale.
Bounteous lots of ale.

'Got to get to a replicator,' he thought, 'at least I'm in my
own...wait a minute. I don't think this is my...'

He got his eyes open; this was the O'Brien's bedroom, he was sure,
though the only light came from the Cardassian-patterned lights at the
head of the bed, and starlight through the port.

All right. Thinking back...buckets of ale, right. And some extremely
serious Bajoran food. Everything up to the latter part of dinner came
back easily. Things started to get a bit foggy after that point.
'Miles, he's...right here, definitely Miles's side my knee just met.
Kei--blast, can't get--wait a moment, what's--' he realized too late
that his impediment to rising was Keiko lying crosswise across him and
Miles, and his determined heave upward had sent her weight sliding,
then rolling, and flipped her out over the rug, where she landed with
a thud and a grunt. As he tried to scramble out of the sheet he was
tangled in, he gave thanks to Dionysus that she had cursed and started
trying to move almost immediately after the grunt.

"Keiko?"

"Ungh...leave a message. She'll call you when she thinks of a reason
to live." She'd landed face-down in a puddle of starlight--lovely as
usual, entirely naked, so was Julian, and Julian didn't think he
really needed to check to know Miles's state of dress.

"I'm going for...oh God, my...selashol."

'Actually', he was thinking, 'this could have turned out a lot worse'.
He drank one of the three selashols at once, by the replicator; he'd
used his clearance to infuse the usual hangover remedy with some
higher-powered armament, and he stood braced against the replicator
for a grand total of maybe eighteen seconds before he was clear-eyed,
pain-free, stable-bellied and unusually content.

"Still need water, but first things first," he said to himself as he
reentered the bedroom and went down on one knee next to Keiko, having
already set the other glass next to Miles on the bedtable. "Here. Lift
your head. Just a little--no, it'll make you feel better, now, come
on." A few gut-spasming sips at a time, she got the smaller dose of
the compound down. He sat down on the rug next to her and waited,
lightly stroking her glossy hair. In about half a minute, she started
trying to sit up.

"Julian, what did you...put in the..." she was blinking rapidly, and
her legs didn't hold her when he started lifting her to her feet.

"Get ready for your second naked clean-lift," he whispered, smiling;
when he raised her from the floor into his arms, she flailed a bit as
her perspective settled, whacking him in the side of the jaw with her
near arm. "Oopph. Thank you, my dear, I've been meaning to bruise that
side of my--never mind," he muttered as he turned and took her the few
steps to the bed and climbed onto it, still holding her. He let her
down between himself and Miles, and considered shoving Miles over a
little, but Miles's stomach had a tendency to rebel under these
circumstances.

He was remembering more, gradually, and with a grin he realized that
by the time they made it back to the O'Brien's they'd all been
thinking the same thing. There'd been practically no discussion; as
she walked in, Keiko had peeled off the red dress and kicked her shoes
off in the same motion, and applied herself to removing Julian's
uniform.

"Miles, you're...good at working...these...these..." Julian tried to
say "Fastenings", but abandoned the idea after the first attempt  and,
when Miles came up to help with Julian's uniform, Julian started
trying to
demonstrate on Miles's. Then Keiko, always the practical one, laid
hold of whatever portions of their anatomy were within reach and
tugged them into the bedroom, and had, as she had on one previous
occasion, curled up in the corner of the bed while Miles and Julian
went completely bats on each other. This time, she didn't need to tell
Miles what to do. That sort of thing had gone on for quite a
while--Julian knew that for a good stretch there, he and Keiko had
been as intimately physically involved as it was humanly possible to
get, barring artificial assistance.

"I'm going to get us some water. Lie still."

When he came back with it, she was lying, gaze upward toward the
reflected starlight, arms folded across her, knees bent and feet
tucked up, all slumped against Miles's back--he'd turned up onto his
left side, creating a welcoming crash pad for her--and she turned her
head toward Julian, saying "Is he all right?"

"Oh, I'm sure he is. We are, and we all divided that ale between us
more-or-less evenly." As he slid a hand behind her shoulders and
helped her up to drink the water, he slipped the cup into her
hands--it was big enough she had to use both--and used his free one to
check Miles's pulse and breathing.

He took the cup back and let her down to the mattress again, went and
got himself an equally large draught, cleaned himself up a bit, then
brought the refilled cup back and set it at the bedside next to the
Selashol. He'd also steamed a towel, which he gave Keiko, who started
unstickifying herself and Miles while Julian located all the
bedclothes and arranged them in some semblance of normalcy. The
starlight was coming through the port so brightly, he noticed, because
the ornamental gauze drapes had been ripped down. When...oh, yes.
Then. Julian smiled to himself.

As he climbed back up on Keiko's other side, he noticed that the skin
of his knees was evincing a slight painful heat. "Kei, where did I get
this rug burn?"

"Um...wait. With me, in front of the dresser. And then with Miles,
next to the bed, right where those pillows are down there. Honestly,
Julian, you did about eighty percent of the work."

"I've always been something of an overachiever. Plus it's rather
difficult to think of it as work." She slumped over toward Julian, and
he caught her and spooned her close, rearranging the various
still-skewed covers over them all.

Keiko said "Still. Miles and I owe you a few things. I think...yes,
I'm sure you're the only one who never took a break."

"I hold my ale fairly well, skinny as I am."

"You aren't skinny. I'M skinny. I've got the body of a
twelve-year-old."

"You'd better give it--no, no hitting! I retract the comment. But if
you had the body of a twelve year old, neither Miles nor I would find
it of any interest."

"Actually, on the Enterprise, I once DID have the body of a
twelve-year-old, mine. It was still me inside, but he wouldn't touch
me--like this, at least, which I suppose I can't really blame him
for."

"I read Dr. Crusher's write-up of that incident in my transporter
medicine journal. One of the most unusual articles I'd ever seen in
that dry rag." They chuckled, and were still for a bit, then Keiko
turned her face up and cupped Julian's cheek, pulling his face down to
hers. They kissed for a few minutes, and then Keiko giggled and
whispered "What did you put in my selashol, Julian?"

"I put the same drug in mine, and in Miles's. It masks the symptoms of
hangover more effectively--selashol cleans up the effects of the
alcohol in the system, but you still don't feel that wonderful for a
while. I didn't want to wait that long."

"Yeah, we were all feeling pretty wonderful for quite a time." She
stretched, her compact body straining against him, and turned, her
legs thrown over his. "Up to feeling wonderful again?"

"These rug burns...maybe a dermal rege--"

"No problem." She grabbed him in all four limbs and shifted him onto
his back, sitting on top of him. "Like I said, you shouldn't have to
do all the work."

"Won't we...Miles..."

"I hope so. We'll just be ready to pour the Selashol down him the
second he makes a noise."

"We'd better, or, with his stomach, things could become exceedingly
unwonderful."

"You're telling me."

Just then Miles shifted his weight ominously and Keiko, legs anchored
by their lock around Julian, lunged across Miles--careful not to put
any pressure on his midsection--and grabbed the selashol. She slid her
fingers into his hair and tilted his head back, whispering "Swallow.
Swallow swallowswallowswallow...good, very good...now just lie back
down...you'll feel better in a minute."

"You're a master," Julian murmured.

"I have a child."

"Of course...you'd still make a lovely care technician, even a nurse."

"Actually I could get my old care technician qualifications updated if
I wanted to, which I don't, really. The last time I used that
knowledge was right before I had Molly. Why not a doctor?"

"You wouldn't like how much you have to hurt people, physically or
otherwise. Nurses have to do that too, but not so much, now."

Wrapping herself back around him, still on top, sliding her feet in
and pushing her arms under Julian's shoulders to lightly support his
head in her hands, she sighed as he wrapped his arms around her and
cradled her body with his. "You're right, I don't think I'd like that.
But then, I don't think you like it either."

"No doctor does."

"No, I don't mean that most doctors don't care at all...I mean, you
don't see a compound fracture, a case of Tirellian flu with lymph node
swelling and a history of allergies, fetal shoulder dystocia. You see
people."

"I seriously doubt I could have pronounced all that correctly, at the
moment," he sighed, pleasantly buzzed, moving gently under her to make
them both more comfortable.

Miles rolled over on his back, half-squishing them; they both hastily
helped him resituate. Julian once again started rearranging the
covers, but halfway through Keiko said "Oh, I've had enough of this--"
she kicked at the covers, saying "Computer!" The computer chirped.
"Increase ambient room temperature eight degrees."

As the computer cheeped acquiescence Julian told Miles "If you think
you can sit up, grab that cup over there and drain it. It's water,
before you ask."

"No argument," Miles graveled, though in fair stead from the soothing
lotion in the selashol that acted immediately on the mouth and throat
membranes. He got up on one elbow and Keiko slid off Julian to help
Miles balance the extra-large tumbler, but due to the additive with
which Julian had blessed the selashol they were soon both giggling and
zigging when the other zagged, and Julian had to outrage his knees
crawling up to lean over their shoulders and balance their merry
paroxysms of overcompensation.

"Now, now, one at a time," he admonished them with feigned irritation,
and unfortunately this made them both laugh so much that Julian had to
take custody of the water. "And my knees are killing me," he sighed
theatrically. "Really. Why I should--"

He was silenced by a chorus of "SHUT UP, JULIAN!" from the other two,
which redoubled the laughter, and he landed a token kick on one or
both of them, he wasn't sure which; this nearly toppled the water, but
Keiko saved it.

"You two are hopeless," Julian asserted, getting up as Keiko took the
tumbler, and went out to the other bathroom for the dermal regenerator
he remembered they kept there.

"Oh, hopeless now is it," Miles called after him, after ingesting his
current mouthful of water while Keiko, who still held the tumbler,
giggled uncontrollably. "That's not what you said a while back."

"What did I--oh, no." Julian paused in running the regenerator over
his left knee and let his face fall into his free hand. "Not more of
that blasted memory-loss business."

"Don't torture him, Miles," Keiko managed to cackle. "He rugburned his
knees on our behalf."

"Speakin' o'that..." Miles shifted uncomfortably and sat up, taking
the water tumbler. "Julian, bring that regenerator in here and run it
over my back a few passes, would you? Darlin', you'll pass out if you
keep that up much longer, y'know."

At that point, Keiko began to hiccup, which she found even funnier
than anything else so far, and when Julian came in he began to be
slightly concerned.

"Keiko..." he handed the regenerator to Miles and sat down next to
Keiko, taking her shoulders. "You'll choke yourself. Honestly now,
relax--" at that point a particularly painful diaphragm spasm caused
her to emit a gurgle of discomfort and her eyes flew open.

"See? Now take a deep breath...now another...here, if I can't get this
down your throat I'll try pouring it over your head." She sipped the
last of the water and sighed, slumping against Julian. Holding her
with one arm, he took the regenerator back and said "Turn around,
Miles."

"Always the selfless healer," Miles said, turning around; it was an
invitation to spar, but Julian only smiled.

"Anything for you. Or you," he added, nuzzling Keiko's hair.

---

Julian felt creaky and wrung out, but he made it in to the infirmary,
only an hour or so after Alpha shift began. He was bleary with lack of
sleep and there were aches in muscles he'd not been so particularly
aware of since Keiko's last visit, but the persistent smile on his
face cared nothing for either debility. He was still, somewhere,
plagued by everything that had come down on his head so recently, but
he could ignore it for the moment, being so worn and so relaxed...

'Say it, Romeo,' he thought, nearly chuckling out loud. 'So well and
truly laid.'

Keiko had been asleep next to him on the sheet on the floor when the
computer woke him, and she didn't stir at the alarm. Miles had already
left, but not, apparently, before returning the environmental settings
to normal and covering them both with the heavy comforter that Julian
remembered had been lying by the foot of the bed when sleep finally
claimed him.

A couple of hours later, going about his business, he suddenly smacked
himself in the forehead, remembering that he and Miles had an
appointment with Telnori that afternoon. He wondered if he should ask
Keiko to come, or if she'd want to see Telnori alone first.

"Something wrong, Doctor?" Tora asked, pausing on her way by the lab,
where Julian was currently working.

"Oh, just...I nearly forgot something. Remembered in time, though."

"You look tired," the Bajoran said hesitantly. "And you're moving like
you're in pain. You're not having symptoms of rejection again, are
you?" Her voice firmed. "Because if you are, this time we won't wait
for you to collapse before we do something about it."

"No, no, nothing like that, Tora," he reassured her. "A late night
combined with several deadly rounds of photon bomb with the O'Briens.
Don't worry."

"You *always* say that," Tora mumbled, moving off, "especially when
you're half-dead."

"Or even completely dead," he added softly, turning back to his work.

Just then Technician Carter appeared at the open lab door. "Doctor?
Professor O'Brien is here complaining of severe muscle aches. I've
helped her onto a biobed, but she said she wanted to be treated by
you."

'I can see why,' Julian thought, dropping what he was doing and
heading for the front of the infirmary. 'Photon bomb wouldn't account
for some of the more delicate sore areas. Which reminds me, we should
have settled on a story...'

"Julian--" Keiko began as soon as she saw him, but he held up a hand
to stop her words.

"Say no more, Keiko, it's been quite a while since any of us played
photon bomb."

"Um...yes," she said, turning her head to hide a smirk from the rest
of the room. "I suppose we should have started with something a little
less strenuous."

"But then, what fun would it have been?" Julian continued jovially.
"What challenge?" He began scanning her with hand-held instruments
rather than using the bed's scanners, which displayed data on the wall
monitor over the bed. "Tsk. I believe you've strained both sets of
adductors, among other things."

"I was challenging myself," she said dryly.

"And you were magnificent, truly, my dear," Julian smiled, patting her
hand as he finished up his scans, and she stared at him with an
expression that promised him a slow and painful death the next time he
turned his back. "I'm proud to have had such a flawlessly executed,
strategically perfect game with you and Miles--no quarter asked and
none given, each player giving it everything he or she AAHG!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Julian, are you feeling sore too?" Keiko asked
innocently, releasing his left triceps as he bent cautiously to
retrieve the instrument he'd dropped. He shut it off as he
straightened, and met her wide-eyed straight face with a barely
controlled grimace of irony.

"As I said," he murmured softly, "no quarter, indeed. Step into the
surgery with me, please."

She began, with the utmost care, to climb down from the biobed; when
he saw how much trouble she was having, he set the scanners down and
moved to help her.

'Poor thing,' he thought. 'If I'm sore, how must she and Miles feel?'

As they reached the surgery and Julian called the privacy screens on,
Keiko smacked him in the chest, which made them both wince.
"'Flawlessly executed,'"

Keiko said. "*Really*, Julian."

"I'm sorry," he said, helping her onto the table, "I'm just
feeling...I don't know..."

"Considerably better," Keiko said as she lay back, "obviously."

"For the moment, at least," he sighed, and got to work on her various
strains, burns, and swellings.

It took a bit, perhaps twenty minutes, and he finally pressed a hypo
to her neck, saying "There. That ought to take care of any residual
discomfort."

"Oh..." Keiko stretched in relief as she sat up. "Thanks, Julian. I
wonder why I was so much sorer than the last time we all wrecked the
bed."

"We started earlier," he reminded her. "And even with the ale, we only
slept three or so hours at most."

"And we had fewer breaks," she added. "What with that...whatever it
was in the selashol, we didn't know when to quit. Wait a
minute--Julian..."

"No! I declare by all I hold holy--"

"Holy? You?"

"--I hadn't a thought of that when I added the sutroxin. In fact, if
it had occurred to me, I might not have chosen that particular
medication, but I didn't expect us all to...rally so well after the
first round. I actually even thought it might make us sleep better."

"Better check your pharmaceutical journal," Keiko grinned as they
exited the surgery.

They were brought up short by the sight of Miles, lying on his back on
a biobed, eyes closed. Nurse Akula came from the direction of the lab
and said "There you are, Doctor. The chief's insisting on you to--"

"I'll take over from here, Akula, thank you." He approached Miles as
the latter opened his eyes and turned his head, looking like he feared
a pain backlash even from that small movement.

As he started scanning, Julian said "Photon bomb match took it out of
you as well, eh, chief?"

"Photon bomb." Miles chuckled. "Right, but 'took it out of me' isn't
how I'd put it." Julian nearly dropped the scanner and Keiko muffled
her mouth with her hand.

The scan results erased the lascivious expression on Julian's face.
"God, Miles, how did you GET as far as the infirmary?"

"Jarvis and Thierry practically carried me. Told 'em I was feeling
faint. Which I was, by that time."

"The sutroxin must still not've worn off you completely when you got
up this morning," Julian said in real concern. "You're a mess. Carter,
would you bring an antigrav stretcher, please? We need to get the
chief into the surgery and I don't want him walking even so far."

"He said," Keiko whispered to Miles, "that he thought the
sutroxin--the extra drug in the selashol--would make us *sleep*
better."

"And there's yet another theory shot to hell," Miles said, before
letting out a string of curses as Julian and Carter started shifting
him onto the antigrav pallet.

---

Julian wished his mood of the morning was surviving this counseling
session, but his dose of cheer was on its last legs. Keiko was curled
up on the opposite end of the sofa he himself was on, at the end
farthest from Telnori; she was leaning on the armrest, biting the end
of her
thumb, strained and tense. Miles was in his straightback chair,
staring out the port again.

"And you're the author of this strategy, Keiko?" Telnori was saying.
There was no judgment in his voice; it was only a request for
verification.

She let her hand fall and said, lacing her fingers together over her
knees, "Yes. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I
suggested it." She wasn't smiling.

"Then you weren't expecting her to recommend this method again, after
what happened the first time," Telnori said to Julian and Miles.

"Hell no," Miles said. Julian added "Perhaps it's more a variant of
the last attempt--and a version of our third idea, with an
addendum--but no. We've been fighting the idea that it was this method
that got us into this situation."

"Then you know that both of you would have run across these
difficulties in any event."

"We're coming to terms with that idea, yes," Julian said; his eyes
closed as he laughed dryly. "We've all done our best to sacrifice
ourselves on the altar of sole responsibility, but logic--and each
other--defy all our attempts."

"Keiko," Telnori said in his deep, measured voice--Julian wondered if
you had to be born with a voice like that or was it something one
learned in college as a psychology major. "You're obviously very fond
of Julian."

"Yes," Keiko nodded. She wasn't looking at Telnori, but none of them
were, except Julian, on occasion. "I've had my moments of jealousy, I
admit, sometimes horrible jealousy, when it seems...like he makes
Miles happier than I do. That being with Julian is enjoyable to him,
and being with me is...work."

She held up a hand to forestall Miles's inevitable attempt to
interject. "I know you don't see it that way, Miles, I'm talking about
my...maybe skewed perceptions. I know Miles loves me. It isn't that."
She sighed. "I think I'd be fond of Julian even if he weren't Miles's
best friend, though I'd be a lot more guarded. Julian's too beautiful
to trust right off." Julian's head swiveled sharply toward her, but
she didn't look at him, continuing "And he's accomplished, brilliant,
all that."

Julian found himself studying the carvings on the table again.

As oblivious as her husband had been before, Keiko was finishing "You
really don't expect the phaser burns all over his ego. Until you get
to know him. And if it weren't for Miles, I doubt I'd've had the
opportunity to do that."

"Would you say that, as a friend, you love Julian?"

"I'm starting to feel like him. That I don't know what I feel, and I'm
not sure what love is. Oh, I love Miles, Molly, my family--that's
easy, those things I don't question--but if I do, the answer is always
obvious. Julian...sometimes I think I feel like Miles does.
Julian's...almost irresistible. With someone like that, you have to
wonder if you really love--or you just can't resist.

"But I guess to answer your question...Miles loves him. Molly loves
him, and I know he honestly cares for them, and for me. The best I can
say for sure is, how could I not love him?"

Julian, far from feeling insulted, sympathized with her, though he
wondered if Keiko and Miles were in league to embarrass him to death
and solve their problem that way. By the end of the session, he
thought, he was going to be fiercely glad of his dark complexion.

Telnori's next question seemed to echo this. "Julian. You've been
listening to what Miles and Keiko say about you, and how they see you;
it seems to make you uncomfortable."

"Wouldn't anyone be? 'Irresistible'. 'Michalangelo's bleedin' David'.
Great heavens."

"Not to the degree you are, necessarily--"

Telepathic counselors, Julian thought ruefully.

"What's your opinion of their observations?"

"I think they're both insane."

"That would make you, Keiko, the only one of you who does not seem to
have some reservation about your own attractiveness to the other
two--even though one would expect you to be the one having the most
doubts in that area."

"Oh, they care for me. And they respect me a lot more than they do
themselves, either of them."

"Do you agree with that, Miles, Julian?"

"Maybe not a *lot* more, but I do," Miles said.

"I'm forced to agree as well," Julian sighed. "She sees things--she
simply knows things--or maybe I should say understands. How many
people in her position would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how
much Miles and I respect her? 'Respect' wouldn't be the first word
that came to most people's minds in a situation like this."

"That's true. Judging by what you've all said, Keiko is very
objectively aware of all the circumstances surrounding this
situation."

"A hell of a lot more objective than Julian or me, for damn sure,"
Miles agreed.

"The Japanese are famous for not losing their equanimity," Keiko said
dryly. "It's still a rather remarkable example of perspective,"
Telnori said. "Now, from what I understand, the effectiveness of your
plan hinges on whether Miles will, in fact, tire of such a level of
closeness with Julian, and whether their friendship will survive that
occurrence."

Keiko made a face. "I know it's an awfully big 'if'. Two of them, in
fact. We're really forced to count our chickens prematurely, here."

"Yet you suggested the plan anyway."

"What else could I do? They're a couple of idiots and they'd never be
able to get out of this on their own. I had to come up with
SOMEthing."

"And that you did," Miles muttered. "In spades."

"And how do you think you'll feel about the situation on your return
to Bajor?"

"Nervous. Anyone would be, if her competition were 'Michelangelo's
bleedin' David'."

"Kei, I'm not trying to com--"

"Julian. Please," Telnori said softly.

"Sorry," the doctor sighed. "I'll be good."

Telnori continued to Keiko, "You've explained in detail the effects
you believe separating Miles and Julian would have on your marriage,
and your reasons for believing in them. What kind of effect do you see
your solution having on your relationship with Miles?"

She sighed. "I really don't know. All I know is, we've been through
some
horrible things in our marriage. I've even made threats about
leaving--my actual presence, if not the marriage itself. Miles has
never done that. The opposite, actually. And whenever it came down to
it--to stay married or not--we have. I don't think we're capable of
breaking up."

"I've told you, I'll never leave you," Miles said quietly.

"He won't. Believe me," Julian added. "Not at all, and certainly not
for me, of all people."

"Miles," Telnori said, "Keiko has expressed concern in the past, and
just a few minutes ago, concerning whether you're happier with her or
with Julian. Do you have a response for that?"

"It's...hard to respond to. They're just such completely different--I
mean, the question's bootless, if you follow me."

"Can you elaborate on that a little?"

"I...can't imagine being without Keiko. Permanently, I mean, and this
separation while she's on Bajor is bad enough. She's my *wife*. She's
my daughter's mother. The word 'love' isn't anything like enough, I
can't even begin to describe how I feel about her. It's so..."

"...all-encompassing," Julian helped out.

"Yes, that. Thanks."

Telnori asked "And your feelings about Julian?"

"Oh, that's easy. He's my best friend."

"And that means...?"

"Means I love him, and we do a lot together, and we're there for each
other, you know."

"You described yourself the other day as being 'in love' with Julian,
and said you were very preoccupied with him."

"Aye, did say that. I suppose I am. It's really taking the edge off my
darts game, too, what with that look he gets when he's concentrating
on setting up a throw. But it's still parsecs away from what I feel
for Keiko."

Julian thought 'That look is caused by my wondering how badly I should
miss the triple twenty this turn.' "I think what he's trying to say,"
the doctor supplied, "is that what he feels for Keiko borders on
worship and what he feels for me is a cameraderic love that's
complicated, at the moment, by lust." Keiko stifled a snicker with her
hand.

"Julian! Thanks a right pile."

"Am I wrong?"

"That *is* one way to describe it. Pretty well on, I suppose."
Telnori, picking his padd back up, asked "Do any of you mind if I ask
you some questions about last night?"

Miles, Keiko and Julian all exchanged a look. Miles turned a bit pink,
Keiko and Julian both broke into grins, and when Keiko started
laughing, so did Miles and Julian.

"We're sorry, Telnori," Julian got out, "it's just that...last night
was
perilously close to unbelievable."

"Then it's all right?"

"Sort of depends," Miles cackled. "Do you want details?" This set them
all off again, and Telnori managed not to smile too broadly while he
entered something on the padd.

He then said "Discreet, general questions, I promise."

Julian, face in hands, trying to wipe his smile off, said "Well, then.
Ask away."

"Should we tell him about the infirmary?" Keiko wondered, and Julian
and Miles both broke into hilarity again.

"Keiko?" Telnori said to her, with an inquisitive look.

"We, ahm, we told you what we all did."

"Yes, and that you've all done it before. The fact's rather central to
the issue."

Miles was starting to slide down in his chair, arms folded, trying
extremely hard to master his expression. Julian leaned back on the
sofa and let his head drop, staring at the ceiling. "We did it so
vigorously," Julian said to the false ceiling of aqua-colored cloth,
"and for so long, that we all--"

"Not you," Miles interjected.

"I felt it too, believe me, and I WAS in the infirmary."

"You *work* there."

"Miles and I were so sore," Keiko cut in, "that we had to go to the
infirmary and get treated by Julian. Miles barely survived."

"It was the selashol," Julian explained. "My fault. I infused it with
sutroxin. Probably the worst judgment call I've made to date."

"Now, that's debatable," Keiko asserted.

Light dawned for Telnori. "And you all found yourselves with
remarkable
recuperative powers?"

"Bloody, you can say *that* again," Miles sighed, leaning his elbows
on his knees and staring at the rug, a distant smile on his face.

"Michelangelo's David is quite the machine, y'know."

"MILES!" Julian came bolt upright.

Keiko and Miles were off again, and Julian wished powerfully that he
were Odo and could sink through the deckplates.

"Oh, Miles, how could you," Keiko managed to get out in scandalized
glee.

"I suppose," Julian began, "that this makes it all right to discuss
how a certain chief of operations of my acquaintance ripped the drapes
off the port while I--"

Keiko lunged down the sofa's length to cover his mouth with both
hands. "No! You two are NOT going to start up with this! Next you'll
be after me. Now both of you stop."

"I'm forced to agree with Keiko," Telnori added. "Julian, it's not as
if he insulted you. Relax."

"Relax," Julian sighed, rolling his eyes. "I'm relaxed, then. I'm a
relaxed machine." Keiko prodded him in the ribs and he fell silent as
Miles smirked.

"Now," Telnori resumed when he was sure order had been restored. "The
afteraffects notwithstanding, I was noticing, Keiko, that your
feelings about Miles and Julian being together seem to be quite
different when you're involved as well."

"You could say that, yes. Isn't that pretty normal?"

"Normality or the lack of it isn't what we're here to determine,"
Telnori said, not unexpectedly, Julian thought. Counselors were the
quadrant's bes tap-dancers. "If you weren't occupied on Bajor,"
Telnori continued, "and lived here with Miles, were a continuous part
of their sexual relationship, do you think you'd be nervous or
displeased at Miles's feelings for Julian?"

She thought, settling back on the sofa, next to Julian this time. "I
don't...I don't know. We don't even know that Miles *would* be feeling
like this if I were here with him all the time."

"That's true."

"I don't...it just keeps coming back to Julian. If it were anyone
else--it couldn't be anyone else."

"No, not really, it couldn't," Miles murmured.

"It's...it's not what I was raised to expect, or to be comfortable
with, whether I'm involved or not. But somehow, that it's Julian makes
it different. Somehow...that it's him...I won't lie, I like going to
bed with him--"

"I can attest to that," Miles muttered again, and Keiko shot him a
look but continued.

"--though I've never done it without Miles there, and I can see why
Miles wants to. If it were anyone else, I think I'd be around the
bend. But it's him. In a strange way, it almost makes sense." She
sighed, resting a hand on Julian's shoulder, staring into space. "It
doesn't make it all right. But it makes it something I can live with.
He and Miles without me, I mean. At least...for a while."

---

"THAT was torture," Miles said much later as the doors closed behind
them all in the O'Brien's living room.

"It was difficult," Keiko agreed, guardedly.

"You think it was bad for you," Julian said, falling into a chair. "I
thought I knew what it was to be embarrassed."

"Sorry, Julian, I couldn't resist."

"Oh, that. The machine bit was only part of it. I can't fathom why
I've never felt as irresistible as you two kept saying I am."

"Because inside, you're actually a fairly miserable puppy," Miles
said,
surprising the hell out of Julian. "That's what the song-and-dance
that drives everyone around you to considering murder is for hiding.
Though I grant you you're starting to learn when to shut up.
Starting."

Keiko only nodded. "You don't show it much," she elaborated to Julian
as she sank into Miles's lap on the sofa. "You don't show...an awful
lot of things."

"You have no idea," Julian muttered, but knew he was in very dangerous
waters and got up, wandering behind the sofa while he tried to think
of a way to change the subject.

"It's like...you have to be perfect, you have to be in control, all
the time," Keiko said. "I don't know why, though I think you do."

"Will you two kindly get out of my head? I'm having enough trouble up
there without having to entertain guests."

"We're only worried for you," Miles said quietly, and Julian leaned
against the sofa back, his eyes closing.

"I know you are," he almost whispered. "And it's more than I deserve,
especially from you, Keiko. But there are some things I honestly
cannot discuss."

"Do they have anything to do with what happened to you in Telnori's
office the other day?" Miles asked, raising his gaze to Julian. "The
paste gems?"

"Indirectly." He pondered a moment, then shook his head; better get
back in control of this, quick. "Do you two want privacy this
evening?"

Keiko considered. "I'd have said yes, before we talked to Telnori. But
now I don't like the idea of you being alone. You looked terrible on
the comm the other day. And I don't feel so threatened, after last
night. Stay."

"Only if you're sure."

"We're sure," Miles said in mild exasperation, reaching up and taking
Julian's hand from the sofa back. "Stay."

"All right, all right," Julian said with a lopsided smile. "I'm not
going anywhere. Except back to the infirmary for a few minutes. I need
to tidy up a project."

"We'll have dinner when you get back," Keiko said. "What would you
like?"

"As tired as we all are, something easy to chew would seem to be in
order."

Keiko chuckled. "Potato casserole it is."

---

The following afternoon, Keiko stood with Miles and Julian in front of
the transport airlock, bag ashoulder; she had just released Miles from
a one-and-a-half minute hug and was turning to Julian. He leaned down,
grabbed her around the waist and lifted her, her feet clear of the
floor, squeezing for all he was worth. Far from objecting, she clamped
a welcomely suffocating hold around his neck with both arms. They
stayed that way a moment, then Julian reluctantly put her down.

Kissing his cheek, she whispered to him "Don't wear him out, David."

Julian managed a smile. "Anything for you, Kei."

Keiko backed up a few steps, looking between them. 'If this goes on
much longer,' Julian thought, 'Miles and I are both going to fall to 
our knees and beg her to stay.'

But she turned, finally, and almost ran through the lock, as if she
might be having similar thoughts.

Miles and Julian stood there a moment, quiet, then Julian looked over
at Miles, saying softly "Darts again?"

"Mm, not this time," Miles mused. "Let's just go to your place and
screw ourselves blind."

"Right," Julian said heartily, clapping Miles on the shoulder as they
started off toward the habitat ring.

---

The End