The BLTS Archive - Diamond Wall
Second in the Crisis Team series
by Blue Champagne (rowan-shults@sbcglobal.net)

---

I'm Blue Champagne. Merry meet again.

Paramount owns these characters, settings, and references
to episodes, assuming I make any in this story. I do not
own the aforesaid, nor am I seeing any cash from this. I
own only the specific actions taken and dialogue spoken.

The song Julian sings for Molly in this story is from
Enya's "The Memory of Trees." To Warner UK: I'm not making
any money from this, and neither, to my knowledge, is
anyone else.

To the company that makes Bushmill's whiskey, whoever,
exactly, they may be; thanks for the use of the Bushmill's
name. I'm not making money from using it.

Please do not post or print any part of this story anywhere
without the above credits and disclaimers.

Thanks go to Max Alfredo, who made sure I did my homework
about when Sisko became a Captain, when Miles and Julian
started getting so chummy, etc.:

To Alexander Van Koll, who pointed out that my handy
automatic indent device was screwing up my paragraphs
during mailing:

And to Miriam and everyone else who gave me helpful
Beta-comments and assured me that a slash between Miles and
Julian COULD be done, in character, without making anyone
look like a jerk, a bitch or a homewrecker. Thanks,
everybody, this one's for you.

---

Julian was in a body muffled by a thick sock.

That didn't include his head. There were bright colors and
lights impinging on his visual field, and they hurt,
despite his eyes being closed. Sounds faded in and out--a
voice, for one thing, someone had been talking to him for
some time, or talking, at any rate. He knew the rest of his
body must be down there somewhere, but he couldn't have
sworn to it under oath. The rest of him he could feel only
as a vague, seminumb blur below his neck, with a
generalized stab of pain whenever he took a breath. The
sounds he heard were producing images to go with them, but
only as one sees sounds when on the edge of sleep;
everything went together, but nothing made sense.

He was hearing the voice, more clearly now.

"…don't know what else to try. I know the stuff's
dangerous, but…"

He'd been listening to the voice for...how long? If he
could just think clearly--

There was a hissing, felt as much as heard; a familiar
sound--and another familiar sound, a tricorder, along with
a thrumming, almost inaudible hum that was probably an air
circulating system. 'Where am I, then?' he thought. 'I'd
better not be trapped inside my own mind again, I've had
quite enough of that, thank you. The station?'

Then he felt a rush in his head, and felt more of the rest
of him in a peripheral way that wasn't pleasant--rather
like being, increasingly, ballast, the farther down his
body he tried to feel. And the colors and lights reached
nova proportions. Hell, opening his eyes couldn’t be much
worse than this, head or no.

Wait--my hands...they're broken--no. Trapped, under
something--

"…got to wake up, Julian, I couldn't live with it if
you…I'm no better than a front-line medic…"

Wait a moment.

"…the doctor, damn it! You've got to wake up! I've stopped
the bleeding from your legs, but I don't know how bad your
head wound is, and I don't know why you won't wake--" the
already rough voice broke on what might have been a sob.
There was a pause, and Julian began a concerted effort to
get his eyes open.

He felt one of his hands being released from whatever it
was trapped under. That's a help, he thought blankly.

The voice continued, quietly. "Don't die on me. Don't die
on me now. I love you--you're the only man I wasn't related
to that I've told that in my life. Come on--" he felt a
touch on the cheek on the side away from the duller pain
near his temple. "Open your eyes for me…Julian, damn all,
open your *eyes*, you blasted--"

With every ounce of determination he possessed, the doctor
gritted his internal teeth and contracted the muscles in
the side of his neck just enough to turn his head
fractionally toward the touch.

"Julian!" A pause. "You're awake? You are awake, aren't
you--Julian--"

"Miles..." the name resounded like a drumbeat in Julian's
head, but he suspected that to the rest of the world, it
was a barely-audible whisper. His throat felt like
sandpaper and his mouth tasted like bile.

Miles must have slapped the cheek he'd touched, because a
balloon of pain exploded BLAM in Julian's head and a
crimson flare filled his personal universe.

"Julian, come on, stay with me, you'd better not be taking
off again on me now--"

The doctor breathed once, grated "Then stop...trying
to...kill me..." He began another stab--how apropos, he
thought--at opening his eyes, and quickly abandoned the
project as soon as light struck his optic nerves.

"Talk to me, Julian, stay with me. I have to know what to
do for you."

"...trying. What did you...give..."

"The hypo? Cordrazine, one cc."

"...unh...head wound, you idiot."

"I *told* you, you're the doctor, not me!"

"Great heavenly...what...sort of party were we..." Julian
shifted his head again and became aware of his ears. They
hurt.

"You don’t remember?"

"No. And I don’t know how much time I have..." he didn't
feel very awake. "...awake. What happened to me?"

"A panel blew up in front of you."

"That’s *all*?"

"Let me rephrase. The panel was attached to a bulkhead
which came with it in the explosion and slammed you right
over the back of your chair. You were using instruments I'd
TOLD you might disrupt the control circuit I’d rigged--"

"Then a--" his voice caught, and he graveled "circuit
explosion--" Julian coughed on his sandpapery throat, and
winced again. "Plasma shock. The injuries might not…did my
heart stop?"

There was a pause, and Miles said very quietly "Yes. It
did. And your breathing. Julian, I've had a plasma shock or
two myself...they're painful, but they don't cause any
lasting harm. I certainly wasn't...knocked out."

"Minor ones...you're right. Hurts like hell, no damage to
speak of. Severe plasma shock...has killed people. It
causes...nervous system damage...when my heart stopped,
that's when...cordrazine?"

"No, that's when I gave you a little battlefield medicine."

"That explains the broken ribs."

"I gave you a local anesthetic for it."

"Hmm…so you pounded on my chest and blew air down my throat
until--Miles, are you shining a light on me?"

"Yes. Half the ship's systems are down, including the med
unit, and the cabin lights are out."

"Well, stop it, it’s hurting my head."

"Sorry." The light was removed. "Just making sure you
weren’t passing out again."

"All right..." Julian took a deep breath. "Battlefield
medicine...then what?"

"You gasped, and your eyes opened a little. You threw up,
of course, and I thought 'good, he's coming round' but you
didn't. I had to roll you over to keep you from breathing
it."

"Speaking of which, I’d really like some water." And my
lower nasal passages burn. Ugh.

"In a moment. I have to know what to do for you first."

Verily Julian did not feel like thinking or talking, but he
knew his life probably depended on doing so. "What other
injuries?"

"There's a lump on your head, but it’s not bleeding much; I
haven't even bandaged it. You had a nosebleed for a few
minutes, and your eye is swelling up. Your legs were
bleeding, where the bottom edge of the panel caught you,
but they aren't broken; a few puncture wounds. I tried to
clean them, but I can't tell if I've got all the material
out."

"You can’t use a medical tricorder?"

"I can turn one on. I can adjust the settings, and I can
tell if I’m looking at a live Vulcan or a dead Andorian."

The doctor’s eyes were starting to focus. He said "I rather
wish you hadn’t given me the local, much as I appreciate
the thought."

"Whyever not?"

"There could be spinal injuries, and I can't…also there
might be a cut or puncture inside me somewhere, you moved
me with broken ribs--"

"I didn't know what else to--"

"You didn't have a choice, Miles, you could hardly let me
aspirate the vomit."

"Now you’re conscious, can't you use the tricorder to work
all that--your injuries--out?"

"Yes, but you'd have to hold it, and lift my head to see,
and that's not a good--no, you wouldn't. You could scan me
a bit at a time, then show me the results. Where’s the
tricorder?"

"Right here. I’ve been using it to make sure your heart was
still beating."

"Let me check the settings..." Miles held the tricorder in
Julian’s field of vision and shone the handlight on it.
"Right, fine. Start on my head, and touch the control your
thumb’s by, then show me the readings. Hold the
tricorder...about two inches from my skull...move it slowly
over--"

"I've seen it done, often enough."

"But that wasn't--"

"Show some quiet for once," Miles said; in a moment he
showed the doctor the tricorder results.

"All right…a bit lower now, lower mandible...to...damn, I
can’t think..."

"That's all right. I can't understand a blasted thing
you're saying anyway."

"Just hold the tricorder over my sternum, my breastbone, at
a height of about four inches, and scan the same way you
did my head. Then let me see..." This was accomplished, and
Julian noted the results, then said "All right. Abdomen and
pelvis."

"Uh…is there a particular spot..."

"Just hold it over the middle of whatever's left of me, all
right?"

After all the results were in, Julian said "Where's the
medkit?"

"It's right here. Where do you think I got the tricorder
and the--"

"There's an instrument in there labeled 'vascular
regenerator.' Take it out and put it on the lowest setting.
Run it over my head at a distance of about two inches.
You’ll have to lift a little to get to the back--"

"Whatever you say," Miles said, "but the lump’s on the
front of your head."

"Sometimes the cerebral contusion received from the brain
slamming into the other side of the skull’s interior is
worse than the one from the...initial blow..."

"You’ll live, all right. Shut up, I can’t hold your head
while you’re going on."

In a few moments Miles released his head, letting it gently
back to the carpet. Julian said "Let me see a tricorder
scan now." Miles showed him, and he said "All right. Not
completely repaired, but a portable vascular regenerator
can't do that--at least, not unless a doctor’s holding it--"

"Oh, he’s picky about the help now."

"--but I’m not in danger from what’s left. There should
be…oh, my." He breathed heavily once, his eyes closing.

"Julian," Miles said dangerously. "Don't do that. I said
don't--"

"*Don't* slap me again, you--" He blinked at the pain
engendered by raising his voice. "Barbarian. I’m surprised
you were ever let near a medkit. Now, there should be a
small unfoldable frame in there that'll make an adjustable
arch shape."

"Got it."

"Unfold it and set it up over my thoracic--over my torso. A
little tighter. There, about six centimeters off on the
sides, that's right. There's a square-shaped instrument
with little clips on...no, not that one...that’s it. Clip
it to the frame, set it at three..."

"Got it. It’s coming on automatically. I’ve never seen you
use this thing--the frame, I mean." The little machine was
riding along the rails of the arch, beeping softly.

"Doctors don't need them. This kit is designed to be used
by laity such as you. Right, now move it down to…feel for
my third lowest rib."

"Got it. Good thing you're so gangly."

"Set the frame there, and repeat the process. And then it
should be safe to move me, assuming there's anywhere to
move me to. Where are we?"

"You don't know? You don’t remember anything?"

"I remember an endless voice droning on about something,
but nothing else. Which isn't at all surprising, before you
ask. We're in a runabout?"

"Yes. You were using the ship-to-surface sensors, you
thought there might still be survivors on the--"

"SurVIvors?" Julian raised his head and shoulders, bumping
the boneknitter frame, and Miles hastily removed it and
laid a hand on Julian’s shoulder, but it wasn’t necessary.
The doctor was down again, holding his breath with the
effort not to announce to the area at large how bloody
execrable plasma shock could feel.

Miles said "Just relax. I'll take you into the rear cabin,
there's not so much debris and damage back there, and get
you into a bunk. Then there are things I have to--"

"Urgent? I can wait, if--"

"Necessary, not urgent. We're in no immediate danger."

"Good...next to where you found the medkit, there’s a
stretcher you can use to--"

Miles gave a short laugh. "You're a beanpole, Julian, I
could carry two of you. And without aggravating your
injuries. That is, if you can keep your feet in. Can you
put your arm around my neck?"

"Of...course," Julian replied, the pause predicated by the
shrill screaming of his muscles as he started lifting the
arm. "Ungh, I feel like I've been..."

"Slammed between a flying bulkhead and the door of the
summerland, with plasma shock for pudding. Hold fast, now."

As Miles lifted him, Julian felt the stirrings of a repeat
appearance of the regurgitative episode he'd had earlier.
"Ngmn..." He let his head sink to Miles's shoulder and
reached up shakily with his other hand, clenching on the
fabric of Miles's uniform, thinking about anything but the
fact that the world swung about one hundred sixty degrees
out of true.

Then Miles was saying, in a practiced parent voice, "Right,
there's a lad, head on the pillow, that's right..." Julian
blessed the bunk and all its kindred as he attained
stability.

He said "I don't suppose I could have that water now,
Miles?"

"Oh, certainly. Just a moment--"

"Wait. I’d like something else. In the medkit is a hypo
cylinder labeled 'ecpetrine'. Prepare a three-cc shot of
that."

"What is it?" Miles said suspiciously.

Julian chuckled, then fought down a cough. "I’m the doctor,
remember? It's a stimulant, nothing like the family that
cordrazine is in; think of it as three or four double-sweet
coffees in a hypo."

"Hnh. All right." Miles fetched the water and the shot.
After administering both, he said "Will you be all right
for a few minutes?"

"We're in no immediate danger, you said?"

"That's right, why?"

"I'd like one more thing. Help me get this uniform off."
Julian's eyes had finally stopped strobing and adjusted to
the dimness of panel and emergency lights just enough to
see the immediate look of apprehension on Miles’s
soot-stained face.

"What is it? Your ribs?"

"Not at all. In case you’d forgotten, I threw up on these
clothes. They're a bit aromatic."

"Oh. Right. I couldn’t smell it, all the other burnt
stenches in the air."

"I'm rather closer to it than you are. Could you at least
help me with my boots? The jumpsuit won't come off over
them."

"Bloody." Miles began tugging carefully on Julian’s right
boot. "Just keep your mouth shut for once, all right? I'll
not be known to have helped you with your clothes off."

"How long was I unconscious?" That he couldn't think
clearly was brought home to him once again; that ought to
have been one of his first questions.

Miles worked the second boot off more gently. "About two
and a half, three hours."

Julian was speechless for a moment, then said "You weren't
with me the whole time, were you?"

Miles snorted. "No, there were a few *little* things I had
to attend to, thank you, such as putting the fire out and
stabilizing the flight control circuits before we wound up
in hell's half-acre with no navigational ability--"

"Miles?"

Miles paused in unfastening Julian’s uniform. "Yes. Most of
it."

"Then the voice I heard--"

"Rest your throat, Julian."

"--was you, trying to keep me here, get me conscious."

"Lift your narrow arse and shut up for once in your
blatherskite life."

Julian shut up and did his best to cooperate as Miles got
the befouled jumpsuit the rest of the way off.

After Miles had pulled the bunk blanket over Julian's
underwear-clad person and was bringing him another cup of
water, Julian said with, he thought, rather silly concern,
"Did I throw up on you, much?"

"No, it wasn't much of a heave. It just sort of flowed up.
That's why I had to turn you over, and it should've clued
me that you weren't conscious. It got on my hands, but they
wash."

"Good..." He sighed. "In a few hours, I think I'll be able
to take a sedative or a painkiller, one or the other. The
local you gave me--what was it?"

"Rytelocaine."

"That should…oh." He breathed in and out. "Hold off the
worst for a while. But since I've got two cerebral
contusions still, and such powerful plasma shock is nothing
to take lightly, you should probably make hourly checks,
make sure I'm breathing and know my name and suchlike. A
routine precaution, obviously there's nothing to worry
about…Miles." The engineer was gripping the expended water
cup with unwarranted force. "There’s nothing to worry
about."

"Right," Miles said too heartily. "I'll see to some serious
business now. The comm line's open, just make a noise if
you need anything."

"I'm all right, Miles." There was a pause. "Go away and let
me rest, you--"

Julian felt his hand gripped. "I’ll be back in a few
minutes. Fifteen, at the outside. If you're not here, I'll
never let you hear the end of it."

"Well I'll hardly jump ship in my underclothes...Miles..."
his voice gentled to a point he had never dared use with
Miles before. "I'm going to be fine. You've seen to that.
Now you need to see to the ship. I'll be here when you get
back."

"Bring my mood down, why don't you." Miles released his
hand and hurried out of the cabin. Julian tried to tune out
the flashing colors and lights that still jumped at the
edges of his vision. 'I love you too, Miles,' he thought
briefly.

Julian's mind started--grudgingly, refusing to work too
hard--wandering over recent events, trying to remember why
they had been out here, what the survivors Miles referred
to might have survived, the events of the past few days in
general. He had some small luck, getting flashes such as
the technician handing him a medical supplies case as he
was boarding the runabout, not being able to locate his
toothbrush that morning and scolding himself--he really
*must* tidy up his quarters...all in all, no real
explanations, but enough for him to know that if he was
patient, the rest might come back.

Miles was back in what seemed a much longer time than
fifteen minutes. "Still with me, Julian?" The doctor felt
his hand being lifted, his wrist gripped, and he opened his
eyes.

"Will you leave off?" Julian took his arm back, and winced.
Every muscle in his body felt wrenched. "Oh. I told you--"
he coughed, then continued "I know I must look a perfect
horror, but I’m not in danger."

"Then why the checks to see if you remember your name, hm?"
Miles took the wrist back peremptorily, and Julian sighed.

"Routine, Miles. Simply routine."

"What you look like is your own fetch. And you weren’t
there for the pounding of the life back into you or a very
long one-sided chat. What's your pulse rate normally?"

"Fifty-eight. Do I win a prize?"

"Close enough."

"Where are we, Miles? What are we doing out here to begin
with?"

"Still don’t remember?"

"I've been remembering things in fits and snatches. I'm
sure it'll all come back eventually. In the meantime, what
was I looking for survivors of?"

"A containment breach in the reactor of the Voras Len
Memorial Research Station. Before you ask, everyone is off,
and on their way to the Starfleet base on the second moon."

"If everyone is off, why was I looking for survivors?"

Miles sighed and sat down on the floor next to the bunk.
"You were being your asinine 'heroic frontier doctor' self.
We were plainly told; anyone left alive on that station was
for it by that point, even with the most advanced medical
techonology in the Federation; and we, and the other ships,
were ordered to tow the station out of danger range for the
destroying of it."

"Destroy it! With people still alive--"

"It isn't likely there was anyone left alive, Julian, and
as I said, if they were still on the station at that point,
nothing could have saved them. And we had to get the thing
out of range and destroy it before it blew up in low
synchronous orbit over Bajor. We'd have had to give
hyronolin treatments to half the hemisphere, and
controlling the radiation damage to the biosphere--we
couldn't let--"

"All right, all right." Julian closed his eyes, probing at
the swollen area around his eye. "Ow."

Miles took his hand and pulled it away. "Stop that. We're
on our way back to the station; Doctor Andelghi will have
you fixed up good as new in no time."

"What happened to the sensors? Why was I using
ship-to-surface?"

"When a second containment wall blew, there was an EM burst
that knocked out most of the sensor grid--these runabouts
aren’t the Defiant, that's for sure. I rerouted around the
burned-out circuitry, but we still couldn't read anything
beyond about ten thousand kilometers. You noticed that
ship-to-surface was--technically--up, and even as I was
telling you I hadn't routed with the intent of USING those
sensors--was using their circuitry as a cross link--you
heard Lieutenant Witrin, on the Cantosian, saying that
there were still fourteen people unaccounted for."

"Dead or alive, still on the station."

"Dead, Julian. Doctor Rosenbloom came on almost the same
instant, and said that even a few of the people we had
managed to pull out would never recover completely; Major
Rushah gave the order to get the station out of danger
range of the planet and send it for deep space."

Julian sighed. "Fourteen people. Damn. Damn and blast--"

"I know, Julian." Miles kept hold of the hand he’d snatched
from Julian’s face earlier. "We all felt it."

"And then..."

"And then you telling me to turn the runabout around, and
me calling you a flaming loony and *trying* to tell you not
to use the ship-to-surface array."

"And the rest, as they say..."

"I don't know why I even bothered," Miles said, his
umbrage-taking obvious. "You. You NEVER listen to me."

Julian smiled faintly, eyes closed. "If I really listened
to what came out of your mouth sometimes, I'd think you
hated me."

"I did, for a while."

"I know."

"But that hasn't got anything to do with this. You have the
brains of bait, Julian. Next time I tell you NOT to touch a
control, you'd damn well better not touch it! Now, does
that make it through your bloody invulnerable titanium
skull?"

"Excruciatingly clear, Miles."

"Do you need anything?"

"That painkiller would go down well about now."

"Has it been long enough?"

"I don't know, how long has it been?"

"An hour and a--no, closer to two hours, now."

"And I’m still conscious and coherent, so it should be
fine. I thought you were going to check me in fifteen
minutes."

"I did." Miles stared intently at him. "You knew your name,
and who I was, and where you were. You were a bit
glaze-eyed, so I let you be, except for two more checks.
Same result. You don't remember?"

"No, but once again, nothing to be alarmed about. I may
remember those visits later, or I may not. It doesn't
really matter."

"This is spooky, Julian. Are you sure you're--"

"Miles--" Julian reached up and touched the other man’s
shoulder. "I am going to be *fine*. Now stop fretting and
get me that painkiller. The trip back to the station's
going to be dreadfully long without it."

Still looking unconvinced, Miles got up and moved out of
Julian’s immediate field of vision.

---

"No," doctor Andelghi said again, her headfeathers flaring
dangerously toward a cresting, "you are not going to go
over the data from the Starfleet moonbase, on the radiation
victims or anyone else. You are not going to your office.
You are going to your quarters, and you'll remain there at
least for the rest of the day and tonight. You may resume
light duty in the morning. A few of the milder Voras Len
station cases were sent here after triage, and we’ll have
reports prepared on--"

"I'll have you demoted for this," Julian grumbled, pulling
on a black T-shirt. "I’ve been here days already. Things
must be piling up."

"Nothing the rest of us can't handle. If you were
administering this case, doctor--"

"I would take into account the obviously above-average
constitution of the patient and--"

"--send him to his quarters."

"I am FINE. What must I do to convince you?"

"You must go to your quarters and stay there until tomorrow
morning," Dr. Andelghi rasped, refraining from adding a caw
of irritation likely only due to his being her commanding
officer.

"I'd do as she says, Julian," Miles's voice came from the
doorway. "She sounds like you when you get like that."

"I'm not nearly the hardliner our doctor Andelghi is,"
Julian protested, pulling on his second boot--he'd skipped
the jumpsuit, going with the black shirt and some loose
pants.

Miles snorted. "You don’t have to be. One look from those
fawn eyes of yours and your patients are ready to--"

"Don't say 'die for you', Miles, or you'll be taking my
spot in the recovery room."

"Thank you for coming, chief," doctor Andelghi said. "If I
had time to take him home, I would. Although he'd try to
sweet-talk me the whole way."

"Oh, he'll try it with me, too."

"But with anyone but you," Julian finished for him, getting
down off the biobed, "it might work. Come on, then, if
we're going."

As they started down the corridor, Miles said "Julian, stop
acting like a spoilt child."

That gave Julian a pause. He offered, knowing it was only
part true, "I suppose...I'm still not over the fourteen
people who never made it off the Voras Len. And the three
who did, but were too far gone to respond to treatment."

"You can’t help them by pushing yourself now."

"I know...I just keep expecting to someday get used
to...losing patients. I never do."

"They weren’t exactly your patients--"

"No, not exactly. But close enough. We were there to help
them...and they died."

"That’s right. And how do you think I feel? At that stage
of the game, the other engineers and I had a lot more
responsibility than you did. I couldn’t save them either."

"I know, chief. I'm sorry; you know how self-absorbed I can
be."

"Don't I just."

Julian paused the chief with a hand on his arm. "I'VE got a
SMAshing idea. Let's gather our gear and slip down to the
court. We don't have to tell Doctor--"

"DON'T. Make me call security." Miles leaned threateningly
into Julian's face. "Because you know that in your
case...ohhh, Julian. I'd *love* to see Odo carrying you
kicking and screaming down the main--"

"If youre not up to it, all you had to do was say so. How
about a few rounds of darts, then?"

Miles grabbed Julian's bicep and proceeded to drag. "All
*right*, all--" Julian twisted free and held up his hands
in surrender. "--right. If you're that determined. You can
drop me off and I'll go straight to bed, no fooling about."

"Sorry, Julian. I can't throw you that far."

"No..." Julian smiled slowly. "But you could carry me."

"Only if you promised not to heave up again. Now come on."

"So," the doctor asked as they started down the final
corridor to Julian's quarters in the habitat ring, "who's
keeping watch on me? Are you installing a bioscanner over
my bed or are you going to brave the sofa?"

"That's what that scanner on your arm is for, I'm told,
making sure you stay healthy. And quiet. No, I'll be
playing nurse until tomorrow. Just don't call me bunkie or
anything. What I'd do might set the scanner off."

Laughing helplessly, Julian palmed the door open and they
went in.

---

"Doctor?" Kira's face on Julian's computer screen was
puzzled. "It's nearly midnight. Why isn't O'Brien answering
your comm? You should be asleep."

"I've done nothing but rest for days. The chief has done
nothing but work. He lasted about six rounds of five card
draw before he started yawning. He's asleep on the sofa
about two feet from me." Kira was smiling, and gave one of
her rare full-on grins when Julian added "I could practice
my backhand off him and he'd never wake. Was there
something you needed him for?"

"Not from the looks of things. You have an incoming call
from Bajor, and since he requested time to stay with you
while you convalesced--"

"*Requested* it?" Julian smirked evilly and glanced behind
him at the somnolent Irishman.

"--I thought I'd be talking to him right now." Kira sighed.
"If you tell him I told you, he won't be through with me
for a week."

"The secret's safe. For now. Who's calling me from Bajor?
Why didn't the comm officer explain my medical status and
take a message?"

"In this case, I thought it'd be all right for Miles to
take it. It's Keiko."

"Keiko? For me? Are you sure it's not some mistake about
Miles staying here tonight?"

"No, I offered to have her patched through to the chief.
She said it was you, specifically, she wanted to speak to.
Maybe she’s planning a surprise for Miles or something.
Shall I put her through?"

"By all means. Thank you, Major."

The comm logo flashed briefly on the screen, almost
instantly replaced by Keiko O'Brien’s face. Her brows had
been constricted, and when she saw him at the comm relief
flooded her features. "Julian, thank heaven, I was so
*worried*!"

"You were?" Now Julian’s brow knit. The last he'd heard, he
hadn't been, precisely, Keiko's favorite person. "About
what?"

"*You*, of course! Miles has been calling me every day
since the runabout got back to the station. He's been
terrified, Julian--he said you nearly died. When you were
hit by the plasma bolt, and your heart stopped--he said
he's been having night--well. He said that without having
your nerve pathways regenerated, you'd have suffered
permanent loss of mobility, and that would have meant--"

"I know it must've looked frightful to Miles, but nothing
that happened to me is uncommon with severe plasma shock,
Keiko. I’m going to be even worse than I was before." He
grinned. "Your ever-vigilant husband was there to beat the
life back into me, as he put it. I'll be back on duty
tomorrow. He's here, sleeping on my sofa; would you like me
to wake him?"

"No!" Keiko's heavy silken hair swung as she held a hasty
hand out toward her own comm screen and its pickup, and she
quickly reached up to check her twist knot. "I wanted to
ask you if..." she paused. "Miles said you were having some
problems with your memory."

"Yes, nothing serious. Disorientation after the shock, a
little amnesia stretching a few days before it. I've been
remembering things here and there."

The distress on her face was all out of proportion with
what he'd said, and he tried to reassure her, "Don't worry,
Keiko, it’s not unusual. Even if I don't remember
everything--I probably won't, not to the last detail--it's
not as though I've lost any crucial memory at all. Don't
let what Miles said frighten you. I'll be fine."

"Then--" she hesitated, biting her cherry-red lip. "You do
remember our talk the night before the bad plate went out
on the Voras Len station?"

"Our talk...you and I, you mean?"

Keiko nodded, beginning to look nervous again.

Julian wracked his brain a minute, then said "I'm sorry,
no. I may remember it later. I've been remembering all
sorts of things in the infirmary, but that...hasn't
surfaced yet. We talked about something important, I take
it?"

"*Very* important."

"Did it have anything to do with that tiff you and Miles
had, over how much time he was spending with me?"

"You could say that. Do you remember that he told
you...that he was having some...unusual feelings for you?
Unusual for him, I mean."

Julian sat there for a minute. "In the Rubicon, just
after...yes. He'd been acting like a complete bastard for a
week, and I demanded to know why, and...I mean yes, I
remember. He *has* talked with you, then?"

"Yes. Almost as soon as you returned to the station." She
quickly added "He said you were the one who insisted he do
it."

"I did say something along the lines of the imagination
being more painful than the reality. He never told
me...wait a minute. He did tell me he’d spoken with you,
and that...you'd worked it out."

"Yes. I mean, I could see that he was...Miles is a terrible
liar; anyone who looked close enough could see it, but he
wouldn't admit it. I think that’s what upset me more than
anything else, made me afraid I was losing him."

"I'd never do that to your family, Keiko."

"I know, Julian. But you have *no* idea how much he talks
about you; I had to work pretty hard to separate his
talking all the time about you from--you. *You've* never
been anything but perfectly sweet to me--and Molly loves
you. But since I could see he was covering something up, I
guess my imagination got carried--"

"In the last few of weeks--since he and I talked--he seems
to be considering the matter closed. I take it you don't,
as yet? Is that what our discussion was about?"

"Not exactly. This isn’t easy to talk about over the comm--"

"But we have before, you say."

"It was a secured channel, and--"

"Great Scott, Keiko, are you and I involved in an
espionage--"

"Julian, shut UP a minute! Miles is right. You could talk
the ear off a Ferengi."

Julian smiled broadly. "I am now officially shut up. Speak
freely. Or as freely as you think wise, of course."

Keiko sighed. "Like I said, I'm not really comfortable
talking about this over an open channel." She seemed to go
into pacifying-parent mode. "Why don't you get some rest,
and see what you remember over the next couple of days. I'm
coming for a visit within the next month, I'm not sure
exactly when yet--as soon as I can make it, for sure--are
you still on alpha shift?"

"Usually. I may be taking off a bit early for a few days,
just because I can get away with it." Keiko rolled her
exquisite eyes in disbelief, and he grinned. "I'd love to
reprise our chat, whatever it was about."

"We will, soon. You work on seeing what you can remember,
and tell Miles...no, don't tell him anything. Depending on
how quick I can get away, I may call you, or--if it's soon
enough--it's the sort of thing that goes over better in
person." She shook her head at him, folding her arms in
mock admonition; a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth
and her eyes were sparkling. "Really, Julian. Of all the
things to forget." The screen blanked, then was filled by
the comm logo and the words "Transmission Ended".

Julian stared at the screen, withholding a loud curse of
frustration only by reminding himself that he'd have to
explain it to Miles.

He wandered back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed,
then decided he was, in fact, tired, and pulled his slacks
and socks off, crawling under the coverlet in his T-shirt
and underwear. Thank holy Supply, he'd finally got his
standard-issue human double bed. He didn’t think he could
tolerate that Cardassian...thing he'd been sleeping on for
so long, at the moment; despite what he'd show the world,
there was still a faint ache in every sinew of his body,
and he kept remembering little things at odd times--he'd
nearly fallen out of bed in recovery more than once, eyes
alight with revelation.

Supply, unfortunately, couldn't do anything about Miles's
snoring. He'd've shut the bedroom door, but the medical
monitor on his arm wouldn't allow it, unless he got Miles
in here, which would recreate the whole problem.

Blast. He should've asked Keiko what her solution was. Then
again, considering how long she'd been voluntarily working
on Bajor, maybe he didn't want to know.

Finally he got up and padded back out into the front room.
"Computer, low lights." The light level dimmed, and Julian
peered over the sofa back. Miles was still on his back,
right enough.

"Miles. You're snoring. Turn over."

Nothing, and Julian hadn't really expected it, not the way
the chief slept. "Miles." He jostled the other man’s
shoulder a bit, was rewarded with a symphony of snarking
and snorfing as the chief batted him away and rearranged
himself--still on his back. The rasping narcolepsy
treatment continued.

"That's it." Julian grabbed Miles’s nethermost arm and
heaved; as he rotated on the sofa under Julian’s impetus
and flopped forward on his face, Miles made a noise the
doctor would have thought humanly impossible--largely in
the way of the probable destruction of nasopharyngeal
tissues--and choked once, then waved his clear arm. "What
the devil--"

"You’re *snoring*," Julian informed him without remorse,
leaning on the sofa back with both hands.

Miles pushed himself up on his arms and got his bearings,
then sat up, blinking at Julian where he stood behind the
sofa. "You woke me for *that*?"

"I certainly did. Did Keiko ever sleep a night with you
before your wedding?"

"That's none of your--"

"You were on your back. Go back to sleep on your front, and
it'll probably stop."

"It will?"

"Humans usually snore because the soft palate's supportive
muscles become very relaxed in sleep, and it descends to
block the airwa--"

"Gor, sorry I asked. Never mind. Go back to bed. I'll lie
on my face."

"You could always sleep at your own--"

"Go back to bed or I'll carry you there myself."

Feigning terror and fading back, Julian cringed, then
straightened up and said "On your front, remember. Or I'll
be back."

"Very funny."

"Actually, it just came out that way. But I still mean it.
This 'thing on my arm' won't let me close myself into a
room alone--got an ear-piercing alarm on it, goes off if I
do--so you sleep on your front or I don’t sleep at all."

"Oh." Miles seemed to reconsider his position.

---

Julian was dreaming.

"...and after that, all I could think was 'what a bloody
self-important little IGNorant pipsqueak'!"

They both laughed, and Julian tossed a pebble into the
still pool between them, watching with interest, in the
cloudy half-light, what formed on the surface. "It looks
like Dax was a lot more tolerant of me than you were."

"Hmp. She's lived a lot longer than I have; grew a longer
fuse. Dax even gets along with Quark, for God's sake." They
chuckled.

"Tell me more," Julian invited, with a sincere, shy smile
he knew he'd never use if this were real.

Miles readjusted his position, bracing his boot heels on
the rocks, folding his fingers together, hands hanging just
between his black-clad knees. He frowned purposefully into
the non-distance. "More. Let's see. When you and Dax, and
Commander Sisko, were timelost. I didn't think I'd ever see
any of you again, really. Not that I stopped trying, or
hoping. But I remember thinking that maybe I
hadn't...really given you enough of a chance. I was more
worried about the Commander, but I did think of you, and I
was...a little remorseful."

"Mm." Julian tossed another pebble into the water, and this
time he could see a blue sky in the water, filled with
gull-winged birds. He looked up to see the unchanged soft
greyness. "I'd really hoped to make an impression on you,
you know."

"You'd hoped to make an impression on the fabric of space,
Julian, don't deny it."

Grinning, Julian asked "Where are we? Is this the Celtic
fairyland? Are we 'Under the Hills'?"

Miles shivereded. Julian glanced into the pool and saw a
little character of a man, a form out of fairytale. "Sorry.
Didn't mean to bring that up. Tell me something else before
I see my own fantasy demon from then. Tell me...tell me
whatever came next."

"What came next...well." Miles pondered, then shook his
head. "I talked forever, and didn't say what I really
wanted to 'til I'd gone for broke and given you the
cordrazine."

"Yes, you did, didn’t you? Talked forever, I mean. You kept
at me."

"Man, your heart was beating, there was brainwave
activity...all I did was make noise."

"You gave me something to focus on."

"I gave you a shot of cordrazine."

"That, too, and thanks for it. Miles--" he reached across
the pool, but midway his hand struck a diamond wall;
ultimately hard, more than perfectly clear; and for the
moment his fingers struck it, prisming with a full spectrum
of colors.

The water in the pool rippled, and he saw a mirage,
timeless and indistinct, of tennis balls, bouncing around
and around an empty court.

"Sorry."

Miles shrugged. "It's all right. I've done the same thing."

"Did I talk to you? Like this, was it?"

"No, you were after the record my daughter set at drooling.
I talked."

"And I listened. You must know I did."

"Oh, sure. I knew you could hear me at *some* level, or
I'd've gone off to something constructive. I *did* rather
hope you’d forget it all. But I guess what you hear
subconsciously will come out subconsciously." He gestured
around them.

"So what else did you say?" Julian leaned forward, smiling.

"I talked about the time you had Molly for the afternoon,
and how she started crying the moment you left her with us.
Keiko wouldn't stop about how wonderful you were with her."

"Molly's a very sharp girl."

"There you go, sucking in the innocent." Miles chuckled
with Julian, but sobered and said "You *are* innocent,
Julian. Stupid enough about it to drive anyone stark
staring mad, but innocent. D'you know why I finally loved
you?"

Julian, wide-eyed and silent, shook his head. Miles tossed
a rock into the pool; there was a good-sized splash, and he
watched the water’s surface. Miles cursing, Miles waving
him away, Miles blatantly acting as if Julian weren’t there
in front of the other officers..."I was a bleeding--"

Julian puzzled "You loved me because of all that?"

"I loved you because it never made a difference to you. You
near drove me to murder, because there was nothing I could
do to make you GET the fact that I hated you. You refused
it. And you saved me--physically and...otherwise, and I
needed saving, let me tell you." Another rock splashed,
maybe even harder, into the water, but this time the
rippling picture was of a racket flying toward the chief as
he stood alone, facing a closed airlock. "I didn’t know if
I was worth having. Keiko..."

"I WAS the one who told you to let her be what she was,
work at what she loved."

"But you didn’t leave me hanging afterward. And I let her
go because I knew it was right, not simply because you said
that."

"But it would have been easy to blame me."

"I very nearly did. Especially when things got so rough
with her, and especially when...you and I got so close,
and..."

"Wait, we're going forward a little quickly."

"That's the way it happened when you were out. I wasn’t
sure how much time I had."

"Oh. Sorry. Go on."

"No, you’re right. I should relax. We should go over this
at leisure, not with all that burnt carrier fume around
us." The soft mist surrounding them picked up a raw smell
like burning plastic, but it was gone in a moment.

"Relax, then," Julian invited. "Tell me more about the
things you said. We’ve only been talking a half hour or so.
You said there were at least two that you remember of this."

"I would, but your alarm's about to go off."

"What?"

There was an insistent chiming noise that almost drowned
out the chief’s next words. "Your ALARM, idiot," he could
see the chief mouthing clearly, but then he couldn’t hear
anything but the...

...chiming noise. "Computer! Alarm!"

The noise stopped.

Julian lay still for a long time, determined to hold on to
as much of the dream as possible.

"Awake, Sleeping Beauty?"

Julian nearly ruptured something crucial, galvanizing at
the sound of the chief’s voice right next to him.

"Steady, steady, good God." Miles looked rumpled and
unwashed, but otherwise much as usual. He was holding a
trayful of food and he set a hand on Julian’s shoulder.
"I'm not your bainsidhe. Here. Andelghi told me to make
sure you ate before I let you out of your quarters."

Julian shakily accepted the tray, but was, apparently, too
shaky to suit Miles, who sat down on the bed and said "I'll
hold it. You eat. And forget the coffee, I'll have that,
you don’t look strong enough for it." He proceeded to set
the coffee on the bedside table where only he could get at
it, holding the food tray in the crook of his other arm for
Julian, who was left with excellently replicated bangers
and mash, with orange juice.

"Bangers and mash for breakfast?" Julian managed to wonder,
and Miles overrode him with "You need something solid in
you, not those pathetic delvan fluff pastries you eat in
the morning. What's wrong? Sick? Can't get it down? Let me
call Doctor Andelghi..."

"No, really. Excellent. And I can hold the tray. Really."

"You can hold it, but I won’t leave 'til you’ve eaten it."

"I'll eat it." Julian determinedly took the tray and forked
in the food, noticing that the replicators had reached a
new high in the area of grease. "What's a...oh, banshee.
You said banshee."

"I said bainsidhe." Miles took another swallow of coffee.

"You said...my bainsidhe?" Julian prompted.

"She comes when the head of a house is going to die. I just
said that I wasn't your death." Miles was obviously more
interested in the coffee than the explanation.

"Well I knew *that*."

"Not right then, you didn't. You looked like she was right
at your ear."

Julian shut up, eating his bangers and mash like a good
boy, though he was making plans as he ate about later
spewing it into a crucial central circuit relay.

His first day back went--well, it went. Of course, his
staff fell all over themselves keeping him from anything
arduous--or even anything stultifyingly boring, such as the
routine deskwork. He was starting to feel like a lab
fixture by the time he insisted on checking the progress of
the survivors of Voras Len.

They were all Bajoran, and they all had the same thing to
say to him, in essence; you did your best, and we
appreciate it, doctor. Have you heard any news of my
(lieutenant, son, squad leader, mother)? Do you know
anything about (the experiment I was conducting, the files
I was trying to load, the specifics of the cause of the
breach)?

He was able to say gentle doctor things for a bit, but it
wasn't long before he stomped off to Ops to get some
answers, for himself as well as the patients. The lift rose
over the floor, and Julian ducked off quietly and headed
for Commander Sisko's office. The doors were open; the
office was occupied only by the Commander, who looked up
and said "Doctor! Good to see you. Come in. How are you
feeling? Can I get you anything?"

What, Julian wondered, in the name of the bloody bainsidhe,
had Miles told these people? "I'm fine, Commander. Thank
you."

"Well." Sisko sat back down at his desk, made a motion
Julian could recognize toward his baseball, but instead
folded his fingers. "What brings you here, Doctor?"

"Sir, what...I know that what happened to me is often
fatal, and that Miles's quick thinking is the only reason
I’m here right now--but what isn’t he telling me? I've been
adequately treated, I'm in no danger, but he's acting as
though I'll shatter at a touch, and so is my staff."

"Computer. Lock."

The doors slid closed behind him. "Sir?"

Sisko paused, getting up and coming around the desk. "I
don't really know how to put this. A doctor, and a doctor
as insightful and skilled as you are--I thought you'd
have--"

"Much as I'd bask in that at any other time, right now I'd
like an answer to my question."

Sisko braced his hip on the edge of the desk and folded his
hands. "You were dead, by any standards that the chief
could detect, for more than a few seconds."

"Miles can't detect lice in his underwear, much less--"

"The tricorder records show--doctor Andelghi referred to
cellular residue scans that Miles did after you came
around--"

"Yes, that would've been included in the scans I had him
run."

"--that by all useful standards, you were clinically dead
for between twenty minutes and half an hour."

"Oh." Julian stared a minute. Then he started to speak,
cleared his throat, then tried again. "He...only told me
how long I was unconscious, he said my pulse and
respiration stopped, but...why on earth didn't he use the
equipment in the medkit? There's a cortical stimulator that
sends a current into the brain that--"

"According to his report, he couldn’t get to the medkit
immediately. The compartment--which, as you know, is under
the copilot console on a Euphrates-class runabout--was not
so much blocked by debris as wedged shut by the force of
the explosion above and to the right of it. He didn't know
how long it would take him to reach it. He’s an engineer,
not a doctor; according to his report, you were getting
‘clammier by the second’. He decided against taking the
time to break the medkit out."

"He couldn't phaser it out?"

Sisko sighed. "You, lieutenant, are a doctor, not an
engineer. He wasn't about to fire a phaser anywhere near
that console until the systems running through it were
stabilized."

"Oh. Right. Forgot that bit. So how did he--wait. He
didn't--"

"He used old-fashioned manual CPR."

"I know, he told me, but--"

"He pumped your heart, and breathed for you, for over
twenty minutes."

Julian stared. "Oh. My. I hope he didn't have his mouth
over mine when I started to vomit."

Sisko shivered. "Ew. So do I."

"That also explains why my whole chest was black when they
took the shirt off me. It's a wonder he didn’t
hyperventilate enough to pass out. Trust Miles--and my
ever-discreet staff--not to tell me any of this. You know,
that method doesn’t often work on its own--usually when
manual CPR saves someone’s life, it's because it keeps the
victim alive long enough for the med team to show up with
rather higher technology." Julian, dazed, realized he was
babbling.

"Well, we're all grateful--and I'm sure you are--that it
worked this time. Once you were breathing and had a pulse,
he managed to pry the medkit loose. His report said it took
him between an hour and an hour and fifteen minutes; he
only succeeded because he was able to jury-rig a hand
phaser for use as a low-power cutting torch. During that
time you remained unconscious, breathing steadily, but with
a slightly irregular pulse. I'm sure you can have one of
your people show you the records."

"No wonder they wouldn't let me near the deskwork."

Sisko looked mildly surprised. "Surely they don’t think
they can keep you from finding out."

"I don't have any idea what they were thinking. That Miles
or doctor Andelghi would tell me, perhaps." Julian glanced
away; the first time I’ve had cause to be really grateful
to my parents for such an abnormally strong constitution,
he thought. "Sir, does...are you the only one who knows?
How long I was dead, I mean."

"Dax accessed the medical files to check on your condition."

"Oh. Dear." Julian sighed. "I'm sorry about everyone’s
worry, sir, really. I'd undo it if I could."

"Just don't do such a damnfool thing again, and we'll call
it even."

"Miles’s already told me what he'll do with me if I ignore
him again when he tells me not to touch a control. At least
Major Kira didn't seem that concerned when I spoke with
her."

"Major Kira was the one person who maintained, even in the
face of the chief's report, that you were never in real
danger. She doesn't always show it well, but she believes
in you."

"Knowing that what she believes in is that I'm too
obnoxious to grant her the pleasure of my demise, I think
I’ll pass on thanking her. Sir...the more important reason
I came here is that I'm getting a lot of questions from the
Bajorans in the infirmary; all I have access to are the
medical reports on the victim's conditions. They're
wondering about things I can't answer. I was either dead or
about to be when all the relevant events took place--I
still don’t remember much from shortly before the accident."

"Now, that's something I can help you with, Doctor." Sisko
went back around his desk and started keying up reports and
correspondence.

---

Julian headed for Miles's quarters in a tumble of the most
disharmonious feelings he could remember enduring in years.
Torn between utter gratitude and utter pissedness, he
wondered which would surface first.

He tapped the signal; the door slid open automatically. It
usually did while Keiko was on Bajor, if Miles was in.

Julian came in and stopped just far enough in for the doors
to close. Miles was in front of the terminal, and he looked
up, clearly unsurprised. "So, first day back go all--’’

"Over TWENty MINutes of manual CPR? Dead for half an
HOUR?!" Pissedness: game, set and match.

Miles looked off over toward the lower right hand corner of
his vision. "...oh. Who told you?"

"Who cares? Why didn’t YOU tell me?"

"Didn't want to worry you?"

"I just think I had a right to know, thank you VERY much,"
Julian further groused, flopping onto the sofa. "My staff
wouldn't let me touch a thing, and now I know why. And the
whole command crew knew about it before I did. I'd really
rather not have had to find out that way, Miles. It gave me
QUITE a turn."

"I'd've told you today, really I'd've done."

"If only to keep me from finding out elsewhere. What else
don't I know? Am I missing any key organs I should look
into replacing? Tossed up a pancreas or a gall bladder
during my stint as pile to your driver, did I?" He turned
to face Miles over the back of the sofa. "My God,
Miles...how could you not TELL me?"

"I couldn't tell you because--because *I* was afraid, all
right? You were getting blue by the time I got to you, and
I hadn’t even--"

"Blue? Wait a moment. Just wait a--how long was it between
the explosion and you pulling the bulkhead off me? Two
minutes? Three?"

"More like ten."

"TEN?!"

"The ship was going up--thanks to your swift work, I might
add--and if I was going to save you I was going to have to
save it first; we wouldn't even have lasted long enough to
get one of the other ships in range for an emergency
beam-out. Assuming the subspace'd been working; it went out
with the sensor grid."

Julian sat there for a minute. Miles didn't say anything
either.

"That's...I see. Yes, that makes sense." Julian covered his
eyes with one hand, rubbing his temples with forefinger and
thumb. "Ow. Damned eye. Miles..." he got up and came over
to the terminal where the chief was. "You must know at
least this much--with humans, if there's no hypothermia
putting a drag on things...manual CPR is only twenty
percent effective as far as blood flow and oxygenation. The
brain would be damaged or dead in about eight minutes.
Exactly how long were you planning to pound on me before
you gave up?"

"When I was a soldier, we were taught not to make that sort
of judgment call--the levels and types of brain damage that
can be repaired are increasing all the time. I had no plans
to quit until you told me to let the hell up or I fainted,
whichever came first."

"Miles...with the cortical stimulator available, yes, that
would've made sense. But you couldn't get at it."

"What is this, Julian, are you trying to tell me I
should've QUIT, then, Julian? Is THAT what you're trying to
tell me?" Miles demanded, standing up to face him. "Because
if it is I'm starting to agree with you!"

"What I am saying is--" he took a breath, waiting for
something to come, then heard "--that I'm glad it was the
stubbornest Irishman in the quadrant on that ship with me.
Thank you, Miles."

Miles sort of deflated, at a loss for words, finally
muttering "You'd've done no less for me."

"True, but I'd probably have tried to phaser that medkit
out and turned us both into a meteor shower in the Bajoran
atmosphere." A toothy grin spread over his face and the
chief grinned back, then laughed and caught him
close--extremely close, according to the doctor's newly
healed ribs, and Julian's eyes bugged out and he fought
down a cough, thinking 'Don’t pound me on the back. Don't
pound me on the back. Don't pound me on the back...'

Miles didn't pound him on the back, and his voice was
surprisingly mild when he said "Never die on me again,
Julian. I'm not going to bring you back twice, believe I
won't."

"I'll remember that." He pulled back a bit, but caught
Miles's arms before he could disengage completely, and said
"If it helps any, no matter what those records might have
said--I couldn't really have been dead. Very nearly,
perhaps. But it's all just...too unlikely, don't you
think?" 'Buy it, Miles,' he thought frantically. 'Please
buy it.'

Miles shook his head. "You were too close to it to suit me,
that's all I know."

Still holding his arms, Julian raised querying brows at the
chief. "And...?"

Miles puzzled at him. "'And' what?"

Julian smiled again. "Don't you still love me?"

"Oh, for--’’ Miles collapsed out of Julian's hold back into
the desk chair. "Bloody terrific. Everything I said and
THAT bit you hung onto."

Julian leaned down to grasp the arms of the swivel chair
and turn Miles to face him, then lean down and bonk his
forehead against the chief's, bringing them eyeball to
eyeball. "...because I still love *you*," he finished,
realizing he was actually giggling, at least until Miles
shoved him backward and he fell ass-over-teakettle across
the back of the near sofa.

"Get AWAY from me, y'scrawny git. Don't EVER tell anyone I
said that to you."

Julian, still chuckling, crawled upright and sat in the
couch. "I won’t. I just wish I hadn’t had to have been at
death's door for you to say it in the first place. I do
love you. I don't see what the big problem with it is."

"It just is. Have you forgotten everything I told you a few
weeks ag--"

"No, of course not. That's my point. It was such a horrid
strain on you, having to deal with it all, and it doesn't
need to be..." Julian sighed. "That's all I wanted to say."

Miles was sitting with his head in his hands; he’d’ve been
staring directly into the terminal if his eyes weren’t
closed. "Just don't spread it about."

"I don't need to. Everybody knows."

"KNOWS?"

"Keiko could tell, and she’s several AU’s away. If you
don't want people to know you care for me, don't spend all
your time with me."

"That's NOT WHAT I MEANT and you KNOW it, you--"

"I know what you meant. And I've already given you that
promise, though you did say you'd've trusted me without
one. Or did that promise expire because I did for close to
half an hour?"

"Don't be so bloody difficult!"

"You started it."

"You are an unmitigated, insufferable PEST!"

Julian rolled his eyes. "Miles, I *told* you I love you,
too; let's not get tiresome with it."

Miles tried to glare at him, but instead dissolved into
helpless laughter. Julian grinned and propped his feet on
the coffee table. "So what are we having for dinner? I'm in
the mood for some Bajoran. Or Klingon dim sum. Anything you
need three pints of ale with."

"Uh, I don't think I'm up for Klingon. Let's try that
restaurant Major Kira likes."

Julian hopped up, gesturing toward the door. "Age before
beauty."

"Oh, bad. Grow up, Julian. And *you* won't be drinking any
ale yet, so forget that."

---

"Hello, Julian, how are you feeling?"

Julian looked up across the small, artfully bedded stream
he'd been staring into

and grinned. "Keiko!"

"Who else?" She smiled, gesturing around them at the
exquisite Japanese garden.

He smiled back. "I might've known. I do think of you
whenever I see a well-tended garden or a bonsai tree."

"I do other things, too, you know," she said, stepping
easily across the stream to put her hands on his shoulders.
She only came up to his breastbone. "I'm a botanist, not a
horticulturist."

"And I'm sure there are those who consider grainfields and
blight-free potato plants just as beautiful as this, but
this sort of thing--" he gestured at the shining leaves on
the small trees, the patterns of symmetrically-bloomed
flowers, the rounded smooth shapes of the rocks. "It looks
like you. Small and gleaming and perfect."

She grinned up at him. "You should tell me that sometime."

"I really should. I'm just afraid Miles will put me through
a bulkhead."

"He knows I'd never forgive him."

"Not that I mind, but why am I able to touch you? I
couldn't touch Miles."

"Think for a minute, Julian. Miles is paranoid about that
sort of thing. You know that."

"Still, you'd think he could make an exception for me."
Julian realized he sounded petulant.

Keiko raised her eyebrows. "Ah ha. See? Why do you *think*
you'd be unable to touch him, even in a dream?"

"Because I know Miles," Julian sighed. "You're right."
Taking Keiko's hands, Julian sat down on a rock; she sank
to the emerald-green moss that carpeted the garden. "So,
are you going to tell me what we talked about? Or are you
just waiting to see how long it takes me to crack and beg
you for the information?"

She laughed. "No, I wouldn't do that to you. Miles, maybe,
if I was angry enough. As I'm sure you've figured out by
now, we talked about him. I told you what he'd told me, and
what I'd said to him."

"Which was?"

"To make a long conversation short, he told me he'd been
having some strange feelings about you--nothing very
explicit, but he'd been having impulses to touch you, and
he thought about you when you weren't together--not as much
as he thought about me, but in the same way; and he hated
the way he felt whenever you...left his presence, left him
alone. He missed you."

"That explains why he'd been keeping me up so late."

"He could hardly invite you to sleep over with him."

"Whyever no--"

"Now, now, Julian. Sure, neither of us would balk at that,
but we're talking--"

"--about Miles, yes." Julian sighed. "He's certainly
different from most of the other Irish people I've met."

"In what way?"

"He's much more enclosed. The Irish culture is
traditionally very demonstrative. Miles can be that way,
sometimes--enough that he doesn't seem closed in--but
really, he is, in a lot of ways."

"He's stubborn, too, but I think that's supposed to be
normal for the Irish. I think partly his being so closed
off comes from his time as a soldier, and partly
because...well, his family had very different expectations
for him than he did for himself. Did he ever tell you his
father wanted him to be a musician? And that Miles had to
run off and join Starfleet without his blessing?"

"Yes, he did tell me that. I never connected it with this
before now, though."

Keiko removed one of her hands from Julian's to reach over
and stroke a pink flower petal. "He told me that he knew he
was in real trouble when he saw you talking to one of the
Dabo girls--I can't remember her name--"

"Was it Erevis? The Hsan-Kloi girl?"

"Yes, I think that was the name. You were laughing and
flirting with her, and Miles said his head nearly exploded.
He was so upset by it--and by his reaction to it--that he
told Quark to tell you he'd been called to deal with a
mechanical emergency somewhere, or something like that, and
left."

"Oh...*that* day. Yes, I remember now. That was a few days
before I found him in the holosuite we'd booked for the
afternoon, sitting in a simulation of the Irish landscape.
He told me you wanted a divorce because you hated me."

Keiko made a rueful face, looking into the stream. Julian
followed her gaze, and saw a picture of a very stressed-out
Keiko, surrounded by the decor of her apartment on Bajor,
snapping at Miles's image on a computer terminal. "I must
admit," the Keiko whose hand he was holding said, "that
when he said your name nearly the first thing, I
overreacted."

"Miles makes a career out of overreacting, you can be
forgiven the occasional trespass, I'm sure. So, he told you
about it--told you a lot more than he told me; I didn't
hear any of the specifics, except the kiss when we were
drunk."

Keiko covered her face with her free hand, cackling. "Miles
*really* didn't appreciate my reaction to that. I'd been
sort of worried--oh, since he was finally talking to me,
I'd calmed down, but I wasn't sure where I stood--until he
told me about that. He was so *red*. I tried to hold it in,
but I couldn't help it."

"Wonderful. You laughed, too."

"Is that what you did when he told you?"

"Worse. I yanked his chain for a bit."

"We aren't very sympathetic, are we." They both giggled,
and Keiko sighed. "He does make it so easy, though, doesn't
he? Not that that's an excuse...oh, stop it, Julian." She
waved her hand as if to slap the grin off his face. "We
need to finish our talk before you wake up."

"Miles and I haven't really finished, either. I must've
felt the need to speak with you worse this evening. Miles
is out on the sofa, by the way." He gestured behind him,
where a trellis of bright blue flowers climbed into the
indistinctness overhead. "He thought someone should check
on me at least once during the night, and Andelghi--the
doctor covering my case--agreed with him. I told him he
could sleep on the bed with me--if I'm weak enough to need
checking, I'm weak enough not to endanger his virtue, and
he might not snore so much. He looked at me like I'd grown
another head."

"I'm not surprised."

"Then he told me to go to bed and get some rest. He never
really answered me."

"Like he told you a while ago in the Rubicon, Julian--it
isn't you he doesn't trust."

"I'd figured something like that. Keiko, where do I go from
here? He finally said he loves me, though I had to be
nearly dead for him to do it--"

"Oh, he was so frightened, too--he cried when he told me
about it."

Julian paused. "I know. I suppose I can't fault him for
being so mother-hen now. Anyway, I think I've managed to
make him understand that this doesn't have to change our
relationship, or pose any threat to his relationship with
you. I'd be all right if we never mentioned it again--as
long as I knew *he* was all right. That's the problem. How
do I make things easy for him again?"

"That was the focus of our talk. We hadn't exactly planned
everything out yet, but we agreed that this was very
unusual for Miles--I know him as well as anyone, and you
know him as well as anyone but me--and...well. He's never
had any interest in another man before now, and we have no
reason to think he will again. This situation is unique for
him. If you were a woman, and he was having these feelings
about you, but stayed so close to you anyway, I'd probably
have already registered my intent to divorce, but
this...this is something unusual, and I know you could
never replace me to him, so..." she paused, looking
pensive. "Also, he is finally talking to me about it,
involving me..." she paused again.

Julian was nodding thoughtfully. "Yes, I see. We hadn't
decided on a definite course of action, you say?"

She chewed her lip, glancing into the stream, but she
looked away again too quickly for Julian to see what she'd
been seeing. "Taking everything I just said into
account...we thought it might be possible for him to
just...get it out of his system."

"Get it out of his..." Julian's eyes widened. "...system?
You mean...I don't think I could get him to...go along with
that," he demurred in a half-whisper. "God. I'd draw back a
bleeding stump if I laid a hand on him."

"You couldn't get him to go for it, maybe," Keiko said. "Or
maybe you could--but we agreed that I'd probably have
better luck."

Julian sat there in stunned silence a moment, then said "I
can't believe I forgot this conversation."

"Obviously, part of you didn't, or I wouldn't be here right
now. You told me something very similar to what you just
said--that you were for the idea if Miles was, but that you
seriously doubted your ability to convince him. Like I
said, we decided that maybe I could convince him. You just
had to be willing, and you said you were."

"Of course. He's my best friend. I'd never have tried to
initiate anything myself; he's obviously very devoted to
you. Besides, as I told you last night, I wouldn't do that
to you, Keiko."

"I know that. If I didn't believe that, I would never have
come up with this idea."

"*You* came up with it?"

"It *is* you we're talking about." She colored a little,
but she was smiling. "It might be...nice to be involved in
something like..."

"...involved?" Julian felt himself losing his precarious
mental grip on the situation. "Involved ho--"

" --Julian! Wait!"

"Keiko--"

Her hand vanished from his as everything went dark, and
when he opened his eyes again he was staring at a familiar
ceiling. "Damn and blast," he muttered, "we weren't done,
not by a long shot."

He lay still, as before, deliberately retaining as much of
the dream as he could.

But when he wasn't asleep again yet after half an hour, he
sighed and got up. It was only a couple of hours after
midnight. Perhaps a sleep inducer was in order.

He padded out into the front room in his underwear,
unworried about waking Miles, who'd be dead to the universe
for anything but his name over the comm or a stationwide
alert, and headed for the replicator. Just before asking
for the inducer, he changed his mind and said "Computer,
Bashir Banellian toddy program one, with nutmeg."

It materialized in a tall stoneware mug, and he picked it
up and took a sip. Ouch; a trifle too hot, but fine
otherwise. One never knew, on this station.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Julian's jump slopped the toddy onto his hand and he nearly
shrieked. He kept control enough to set it down quickly on
the dining table, and started swabbing his hand with the
nearest convenient piece of cloth, which happened to be his
t-shirt, swearing under his breath. "Blast it, Miles, stop
doing that!"

"I'm not doing anything, but I've noticed YOU're pretty
jumpy lately. Like I said, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Except for the first-degree burn that came with it. Why
aren't you asleep?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Miles was sitting up;
this evening he'd thought to provide himself with blanket,
pillow and a set of blue pajamas.

"I had a...very odd dream. I'm trying to decide if I should
pay attention to it or dismiss it as the meaningless raving
of a plasma-shocked brain."

"What was it about?"

"Oh...this and that. Keiko was in it." He gave up and
pulled the toddy-soaked t-shirt off.

"You'll catch a chill, running around like that."

"I've got no plans to go running anywhere except back to
bed." He picked the toddy up again, wiped the outside of
the mug with his shirt and went to the laundry chute,
dumping the shirt down it. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No. The computer did. I was about to come in and see if
you were still with us."

"Well, here I am," Julian said, gesturing with the arm not
burdened by the mug. "Near all of me, in fact, thanks to
your unexpected state of wakefulness. You can go back to
sleep now."

"Yes," Miles said, looking at him strangely. "I will.
Promise you'll lie down again when you've finished with
that?"

"Yes. I will," Julian said, imitating the chief's brogue.
"Goodnight, Miles."

"Goodnight." Miles was still looking at him strangely as he
returned to the bedroom with the mug. Now what is it, he
wondered in exasperation. I must be quite the picture of
confusion. He sat on the bed and took a swig from the mug.

'Oh, for...' Also, he now understood, the picture of Julian
naked but for a pair of snug black undershorts. 'I'm sorry,
Miles,' he thought. 'It should've occurred to me.'

Too late now. He pulled his coverlet up as he killed the
rest of the drink, feeling it warm his stomach as the
alcohol swam through his veins. He was tempted to get
another, but that much would interfere with normal sleep
brainwave patterns. He composed himself and went into a
relaxation exercise.

As he felt himself drifting off, he hoped Keiko would come
back. He had a few *bloody* questions about this 'idea' of
hers...

---

There was an almost tactile quality to the fog; he could
see the palpable tendrils and wisps of it moving around his
fingers when he held his hand out. It was pleasantly cool,
without the clamminess of normal fog.

'Dense, though,' he thought, looking around. 'This feels
like one of those odd lucid dreams I've been having lately,
but before, my subconscious was trying to inform me of what
I'd forgotten. This just looks like Miles's Irish landscape
program.'

He had a thought, and started walking. "Miles?"

"Over here, Julian."

This time he was prepared, and didn't nearly fall into the
chief's lap when he rounded the white granite boulder.
Miles was sitting there in his flight gear, minus the
jacket and gloves. Julian looked down at himself; he was
wearing the same thing. He wondered if it was relevant to
anything, but likely it was only a random grab by his
subconscious.

"So you've spoken with Keiko, then?" the dream-Miles asked.

"Yes, but not nearly long enough. I rather thought it'd be
her I met, if anyone. All this dreaming. I hope I'm getting
enough deep-level sleep. I can't afford to go without it
right now."

"Don't worry. These dreams aren't taking that much time.
You just remember all of them because they're so vivid."

"They certainly are. Here's that blasted heather patch
again. This time I'm not sitting on it for half an hour."
He moved over, scooting around to face Miles. 'There might
be no pool or diamond wall,' he thought, 'but this fog's
enough to do the job. I can barely see him.' "Thank heaven
for canvas flying trousers. Is there a reason we're dressed
like this?"

"Yes," Miles said, pulling up one knee and clasping his
hands over it. "It's because I think you look hotter than a
warp-core meltdown in that outfit."

Julian stared a minute, then cleared his throat and said
"But...I don't know that. Or rather, I didn't--I mean,
you've never said so, so how would..."

"Oh, I told you. While I was nattering at you when you were
passed out on the runabout."

"Oh, of course. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you've got a fluff pastry for a brain."

Julian smiled. "That must be it. Do you know about what
Keiko and I discussed?"

"I do, sure. That fellow out there on the couch hasn't got
the faintest, though."

"What do you think? Of her idea, I mean. Do you think she
and I have a hope of bringing it off?"

"Hard to say." Miles was quiet a moment, then said "You
know you've got to try something; this is putting a real
cramp in our friendship. It's like I said on the
Rubicon--the closest we can get to our normal way is acting
casual, and we can't keep that up forever."

"I told Keiko I'd be glad to drop the subject for good if
that's what you--or the fellow on the couch--want. Like *I*
said on the Rubicon, I'm flattered, and I suppose a little
intrigued--"

"You didn't tell me you were intrigued. Only flattered."

"Oh, that's right...I thought saying something like that
might...upset you."

"Scare me into bolting like a rabbit before a fox, you
mean, and you're right, it would have."

"I want things to be the way they were before, honestly.
But if this idea of Keiko's...if it doesn't work..."

"You're afraid it'll backfire and you'll lose me
completely."

"That's it."

"I can't tell you how the couch fellow will react. But I
can tell you this. One of the things I said while I was
going on at you in the runabout was that you couldn't die
yet because there were so many things you didn't know, that
I had to tell you, that I'd never had the courage to say."

"And did you...tell me any of them?"

"The most important one, you already knew, I just needed to
say it."

"Yes, I was glad to hear it anyway. What else?"

"How beautiful I think you are, physically and as a person
both. How I was a changed man as a result of my friendship
with you; how I'd never met anyone but Keiko who
complimented me as exactly as you do."

Julian felt an odd sensation, and realized his throat was
closing up. This is one realistic dream, he thought.
"You're...not as reticent as you were last night,
certainly."

"That's because you're starting to feel pressured."

"I suppose. I'm starting to be worried, anyway. I want to
do whatever's best for you, but it's up to Keiko and I to
figure out what that is and do it, maybe over your
protests. That's just the way you are."

"Yes," came a voice from the fog. "Irritating, isn't it?"

"Keiko!" Julian started, as Miles reached out an arm,
saying "Hello, me darlin'."

Keiko appeared at the end of Miles's arm, holding his hand,
and sank to the ground beside them both. "Hi, Julian."

"This is a timesaver," Julian gulped. "Startling. But a
timesaver."

Keiko patted his knee. "You wanted to finish our talk, but
you didn't want to leave Miles, here."

"If you say so. You two are in charge, in here. Though I
don't know how I'll react if anybody else decides to show
up. Could get distracting."

"No one will show up that you don't want to see."

"Is that right, Miles?"

The other man shrugged. "Beats me. I'd listen to Keiko, if
I were you. She knows about these things."

Julian grinned. Miles all over, all right. "So, then,
Keiko. Miles and I were just discussing the possibility of
your idea backfiring."

"You and I talked about that too, Julian. We agreed that my
sounding him out about it too obviously would only make him
defensive, less likely to cooperate."

"You make it sound like we're planning to trick him into
betraying his government or something."

Keiko laughed. Julian noticed he could see her perfectly
well; it was only Miles the fog rendered indistinct. "Think
of it more as tricking a four-year-old into eating her
vegetables. If you make a flat-out point of it, they just
get more difficult."

"I see. So did we come up with a strategy?"

"A tentative one. I would tell him I was glad he had been
honest with me about you--and that I was going to be honest
with him about you, too."

"Honest with...you're going to tell him that YOU..."

"Really, Julian, you're not exactly chopped liver. It's not
that difficult to believe."

"But is it *true*!?"

Keiko rolled her eyes. "You're getting bogged down in
technicalities, Julian."

"Humor me."

She sighed. "I'm not in love with you, but I do think
you're a very attractive man. Obviously. Or I wouldn't have
gotten jealous of you, would I?"

"I suppose," Julian replied, in a daze. For lying flat on
his back asleep, this was turning into one hell of a night.

"And you are my friend. I may stretch the truth with Miles,
but I certainly won't need to tear it."

"What...were we just going to ambush him? Tell me we
weren't just going to ambush him."

"Not first thing, no. Ambushing him is sort of the backup
plan."

"Then...what we'd agreed on...does involve both of us?"

Miles spoke. "You don't think I'd hold still for it if she
weren't there, do you? Her blessing wouldn't be enough. I'd
get convinced she was just being tolerant and that I really
was hurting her, and that would be the end of that. The
only way to get it through to me that she's enthusiastic
about it would be to demonstrate her enthusiasm, if you get
my drift." He patted Keiko's leg, and she smiled at him.

"Oh. My. All right. Let me get this straight. One: Keiko,
did I really agree to this?"

"Yes, and you thanked me for the compliment--being
willing--more than willing--to try this with you."

"At least I remembered my manners. All right. Two: we had
this conversation shortly before my accident, so you must
have been thinking about this for at least a few weeks,
correct?"

"I was very sure of what I wanted to do by the time I
called you. Believe me."

"Believe her," Miles added. "She never does anything
without hashing it out a dozen different ways, unless she's
pregnant, in which case I might walk in one day and find
all the living room furniture replaced."

Julian smiled. "I remember you telling me about that. All
right...three, then. What was plan A?"

"I'd tell him how I felt--that I was interested in you too,
I mean--some way and time that wouldn't make him feel
threatened. We don't need *him* getting jealous, either--"

"That wouldn't be very rational of him, considering."

"Neither is Miles. Considering."

"Thanks, me love," Miles groused, and she patted his arm,
and continued.

"How to approach it, phrase it--this whole aspect was the
tricky part; we even talked about getting him drunk."

"That might work, actually, judging by what's gone before."

"I'd planned to relax him somehow first, but we don't want
him *too* drunk. I don't want him telling himself later
that it was only the whiskey. We'd be right back at square
one."

"Good point. You really have thought about this."

"Yes, that's what you said when we had this talk in the
first place. We didn't know whether your quarters or ours
would be better--on the one hand, he might feel better on
his own ground. On the other, he might be more willing to
loosen up and roll with it if it weren't his own marriage
bed."

"So that was still up in the air."

"Yes, and some other things; like I said, we knew we were
going to have to wing it to some degree."

"Keiko, when we had this conversation, did I, at any point,
ask you if we were really HAVING this conversation?"

She laughed again. "About three times. You said it was
too...what was the word you used..."

"Surreal," Miles supplied. Julian covered his face with his
hands, trying to stave off a giggle fit.

"Quick, Keiko," he said "We'd best wrap this up. I don't
think I'll be able to stay asleep much longer at this rate."

"All right. That was mostly it, except you and I...flirted
a little."

"We WHAT!?"

"Yeah, you what?" Miles echoed.

"When you asked me if it was true, that I was attracted to
you. I played coy. We had a little fun with it. Nothing
blatant; I'm not much of a flirt."

"My God. I don't...but then, I guess I don't need to
believe it yet, do I? Until I can talk to you and verify
all this, it could be just a dream, for all I know."

"I'd believe it if I were you, Julian," Miles said. "She
hates it when I make her repeat herself."

"I can imagine," Julian muttered, and Miles said "Imagine
what?"

"That she hates it when you..." he opened his eyes; Miles
was sitting on the bed, holding Julian's wrist. Julian
experienced brief cardiac arrest.

"Damn it, Miles...!"

"You're swearing at *me*? You're the one who's talking in
your sleep."

"I was? Out loud?"

"Not *right* out loud, you were sort of mumbling. I thought
you might be in trouble, so I came in to check you."

"I was 'mumbling' loud enough to wake you up?"

"Nah, I'm not sleeping that well tonight. I was at the
terminal reading."

"Oh." Julian sat up slowly, the coverlet sliding down to
his lap. "I was...having another dream."

"Must've been a hell of one. Do you think all these dreams
could be a result of the accident? Should I get Doctor
And--"

"NO you should not bother Doctor Andelghi at this hour. I'm
having my next follow-up tomorrow. I'll mention the dreams
then. They are getting something ridiculous."

"If you're sure..."

Julian relented slightly and put his hands on Miles's
shoulders. "I know how frightened you were that I was going
to die, and I know how worried you are now, but Doctor
Andelghi would never have released me from the infirmary
unless I was out of danger. If it makes you feel any
better, I think she asked you to stay with me another night
more to calm your nerves than because anything might happen
to me."

"Oh, sure."

"I'm serious."

"You're a flaming loony is what you are."

Julian sighed and rolled his eyes--looking very like Keiko
when she did that, as he'd have realized if he could have
seen it himself--and said "Don't make me kiss you again,
Miles. God knows neither of us want that." He grinned a
grin calculated to make Miles return, under a full head of
steam, to his reading.

Miles only considered him a moment, then said "Not unless
you're prepared to follow up."

Julian stared at him, then broke out laughing. "Why, Miles!
You called my bluff! I'm PROUD of you!" He pounded Miles on
the shoulder.

Miles cackled. "I'd've done it before if I'd known you'd
get such a priceless look on your face."

"Oh, dear," Julian sighed, still chuckling, and flopped
back down to the pillow, closing his eyes. "Go away, I'm
going to try to get some real sleep. These dreams'll be the
death of--I mean, they're getting to be a problem." 'Damn
all,' he thought. 'Brilliant thing to--'

Then he went into brain freeze as he felt a warm, dry kiss
pressed against his mouth. "I'll be out there if you need
anything," Miles was saying calmly, heading back into the
front room, when Julian opened his eyes.

'I'll be damned,' he thought, still feeling the pressure on
his mouth. 'Either he's messing with MY head for a change,
or this isn't going to be as difficult as Keiko and I
thought.'

---

"It was supposed to be here when?" Julian was bouncing with
impatience.

"They're delayed by solar flare activity."

"You mean the transports can't screen out solar flare
radiation?"

"It's a routine precaution, flying under the extra shields,
slows them down. Will you come down OFF the ceiling? You're
making me nervous. I'd think it was *your* wife and
daughter due to arrive."

"I'm just touchy. Pay me no mind."

"I wasn't."

"Then how could I make you nervous?"

"Shut up, Julian."

" 'Shut up, Julian,' " the doctor sighed. "Will I ever stop
hearing that?"

"Not until you shut up."

"YOU shut up."

They were in real danger of falling into a scuffling pile
right there by the airlock, but fortunately the transport's
arrival was announced just then.

The lock rolled open, and people started filing through,
and various noises of welcome were made, and then Keiko
came staggering toward them under the weight of her
carry-on baggage and a sleeping child.

Julian quickly moved in to take the bags, and Miles
relieved Keiko of Molly's weight, then clasped her with his
other arm. "Hello, me darlin'."

Julian nearly dropped a bag. Keiko was sort of collapsed
against Miles, and no one noticed.

"What a flight," she groaned, and lifted her head, kissing
Miles quickly, then spotted Julian. "Hi, Julian. Thanks for
meeting us."

"Not at all. I'm just surprised you managed to get away so
quickly. You barely had time to call yesterday and tell
Miles."

"I told my group head on Bajor that I have my priorities."
She gave him a meaningful glance outside Miles's range of
vision, and Julian winked at her, then said "Good for you.
I'll just take these on to your quarters. You three follow
as you feel--"

"Wait," Miles and Keiko both said, and glanced at each
other, and Keiko continued "Are you sure you're up to
carrying all that so far? After all, you were...uh..."

"I think 'dead' is the word you're looking for," Julian
said dryly. "And I'm quite up to it. In case you hadn't
noticed, I'm rather an odd fellow in some ways."

Everyone laughed, as had been his intention, and he turned
to head for the O'Brien's quarters. Truthfully, his right
arm was starting to get tired, and he wondered how Keiko
had managed all this, but human mothers regularly performed
physical feats that no amount of physical conditioning--or
even genetic engineering, for that matter--could begin to
equal.

At the O'Brien's quarters, rather than putting anything
down that he'd only have to pick up again, he said
"Computer, open, authorization Bashir gamma four."

Inside, he dropped everything just far enough away from the
door that no one would trip, then collapsed on the sofa,
telling himself he had to be up in sixty seconds.

The next thing he knew, Keiko was hovering over him,
patting his cheek, and he could hear Miles saying "No, he's
on the sofa, it looks like--"

"Doctor Andelghi!" Julian yelled, causing Keiko to fall
back and land on her rear. He gave her a look of apology
and held out his hand to her as he continued to Andelghi "I
fell asleep. I'm fine."

"That is what I was just telling the chief," came
Andelghi's voice, rendered even more nasal and squawklike
by the comm. "Obviously you pushed a little too far today.
Rest, and I'll see you for your next follow-up tomorrow. By
the way, do I get that time off next month?"

Miles and Keiko snickered as Julian threw up his hands. "Of
course you do, Imachram. Just don't put me on permanent
invalid status."

"I would never think of doing such a thing, Doctor Bashir."
The comm went silent.

"Of course not," Julian muttered. He noticed that Miles and
Molly were absent, and said softly to Keiko, as he handed
her up onto the sofa, swinging his own legs down to the
floor, "Sorry about that. Where...?"

"He's putting Molly down," she whispered back. "It's so
good to see you, Julian." She squeezed his hands. "After
the things I was thinking, to think you might really
have...I'm so glad you're all right."

They hugged, and she said, as they pulled back, "Have you
remem--"

He laid a warning finger against her mouth. "I've had
dreams. I wish you'd been able to call me before you came
back--I take it there was some sort of window you had to
take advantage of?"

"Julian, I made a window. I kicked a hole. I demanded a
week and managed to get five days. This is important. You
say you've had dreams?"

"I'll tell you about it as soon as we have an isolated time
span."

"But I only have five days! We need to talk." Her serious
stare left him in no doubt of the immediacy of her
intention.

"Then we'll need a pretext. You know best what will work
with Miles."

Keiko thought--Julian recognized the scanning pattern her
eyes took on when she was working something out
quickly--and said "Hang on." She got up and went into
Molly's room; there were muted murmurs. When she came out,
she gestured sharply toward the door with her head, and he
rose silently to accompany her.

Once outside, he asked "What did you tell him?"

"That I was going to walk you back to your quarters, and
make sure you were all right."

Julian shook his head. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because it wouldn't have worked, coming from you."

They walked along the nightlit ways and corridors, arms
interlaced, for a bit. Then Julian said "I see what you
mean. Why is he like that?"

"He just is." Keiko smiled. "And I'm like that too, which
is one of the things we like in each other."

"You're both paranoid."

She laughed softly, pressing her face briefly into his arm.
"No. We're both very traditional. With traditions, there
are many things attached to every action you take. You know
that. It's like a...web, or...the symmetry in a bonsai."

"Keiko, I love you, but I ought to mention that I don't
love bonsai. They look damaged to me."

She squeezed his arm. "That's all right. My bonsai talk to
me. They aren't unhappy, to hear them tell it."

"Really?"

"Really?" She mocked him gently, adding "And what about
these dreams you've had?"

"Those." He paused, as they continued to walk with a slow
rhythm, set by Keiko's short, tired legs and Julian's long,
exhausted ones. "I dreamed about the things he said to me
on the runabout--do you know the name of the runabout? I
still can't remember."

"It was the Yhppat."

"No wonder. Anyway, he told me he loved me, that he thought
I was beautiful, that he wished he'd told me things before
I was close to dead. Is any of that... right?"

The pause was caused by Keiko stopping. She stared at him
in the empty, nightlit corridor. "He *told* you that?"

"No, I don't know, except for saying he loved me. I dreamed
the rest. If he did tell me, it was while I was
unconscious, or nearly so. And I dreamed the things you
said to me."

"And what were they?"

He held out his arm, and she looked around them, then
wrapped her arm around his and they continued walking.

"You brought me up to speed on the conversation I can't
remember," he murmured, and mentioned a couple of
particulars.

"I did say those things." Keiko was gripping his arm and
hand tightly. "This is spooky, Julian."

He stopped, almost laughing, but held it in and started
walking again.

"What is it?"

"Miles said the same thing when I didn't remember his
checks on me in the Yhppat. Was there EVER a river with
that name?"

"Yes. It's an earlier derivation."

They turned the last corner, and he palmed the door open.
They went in, and Julian threw some loose objects off the
sofa. "Sit down. Can I get you anything?"

She smiled and plopped down, but said "Come here, Julian.
We don't have time for the niceties."

"Just what *did* we talk about, Keiko?"

"We were going to...to make Miles realize what he's felt,
and...we both..."

Julian was sitting down by her. He said "That's right...so
you *do* think I'm attractive."

She jumped up and flung a loose object at him. "You
REMEMBER, you--"

"No! I--ouch!" He ducked behind the sofa.

She stopped flinging loose objects and peeked over the sofa
back. "I'm sorry, this whole thing has got me worked up. I
always expect you to...bring some objectivity to things.
Miles and I are so..."

"...powerfully opinionated."

"That's one way to put it. Come back up. I won't throw
anything else at you."

Julian sighed and crawled up onto the sofa. "I seem to be
doing this a lot lately."

"Doing what?"

"Crawling onto sofas after being floored by O'Brien angst."
He hauled his narrow person over next to Keiko. "Miles
threw me over the back of your smaller couch when I teased
him day before yesterday."

She held his arm tightly as he settled in, and said "Tell
me what you dreamed."

When he was done--it only took a few minutes to hit the
relevant points--she was sitting propped against him with
his arm around her. She'd helped with a few details, but
mostly, what he'd dreamed had been right on.

"Nice ability to have." She squeezed his hand. "I've
been...sort of looking forward to this," she said shyly,
"...but now that it's come to it, I think I'm getting cold
feet."

"Over what aspect? Convincing Miles, or seeing me without a
stitch on?"

"Actually, that...seeing you was one of the things I was
looking forward to," she said, and continued bravely
through the furious blush that suffused her, "it's
convincing Miles that's the problem. Look, I have an idea.
I think we can use the weakness you just demonstrated to
get us a head start."

"Really?" He turned on the couch to face her more squarely,
adjusting his arm around her. "How?"

"Miles has been staying with you, to check on you during
the night, right?"

"Yes. But with you here, I'm sure he'll--"

"Yes, of course, but you could come stay in our quarters in
the spare room for a few days. Because you're still not
feeling quite yourself. Are you, Julian."

"Now that you mention it, I've been a tad dizzy..."

"Stay here tonight, and I'll sow the ground with Miles.
Then have a dizzy spell tomorrow, and I'll suggest you stay
with us. It'll give us more opportunity to...wing it. And
he'll hardly be able to say no, with you fainting all over
the place."

"The way he's been acting, he may suggest it himself. I've
never seen him so upset over anyone but you."

"You DIED, Julian! Right in front of him! Of course he's
upset."

Julian twitched. "I wish people would stop saying that."

"Then you should stop saying it."

"Good point." He continued pensively "Seems not cricket to
use his concern to trick him like this."

"Julian, we're doing this for *him*. I have to do this sort
of thing with him all the time. He knows about it. He
expects it. Don't worry about it."

"Then won't he guess our game?"

"Even if he did, he never does anything about it. I'd
better get back to him. Uh...we'll have you for dinner. I
mean..." she blushed again and he chuckled at her.
"...we'll invite you for dinner, tomorrow. Have your dizzy
spell after we eat."

"If I'm tired enough, I may not have to fabricate one. I'm
fagged." He leaned back on the sofa, rubbing his eyes.

"*Are* you all right? Miles and I can talk in the bedroom;
maybe you should come tonight--"

"No. I just wore myself out a bit today. I'll expect your
call after Alpha shift. Keiko..." he picked up her hand in
both of his. "The Keiko I dreamed...the setting we talked
in was a lovely little garden. I told her it reminded me of
you--small, and gleaming, and perfect. She said that I
should tell you that sometime." He kissed her forehead.

She ducked her head, unable to meet his eyes, with a shy
smile. "After that flight, I don't feel very gleaming or
perfect. But thank you, Julian. You're not a bad piece of
work yourself." Without looking at him, she got up, hurried
to the door and out.

Julian, rather trepidatiously, went to bed, remembering to
switch on his metabolic monitor; Andelghi had deactivated
the never-alone alarm that day, but insisted he wear the
monitor itself a few nights more. As tired as Julian felt
right now, he was inclined, for a change, to agree with the
precaution.

---

"You forgot to tell her I kissed you again."

Not ANOTHER dream, and he'd just laid down, too. "Miles!
I've got to get some rest."

"Relax. Just popping round to check on you."

Julian realized he wasn't asleep.

He opened his eyes, blearily focusing on the chief leaning
over him in a bathrobe and pajamas.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Get your hand out of my face. What time is it?"

"Oh three hundred."

Julian blinked. "I thought I just laid down."

"No, you've been out for a while, according to your
monitor, there. Can you see me all right? Know where you
are?"

"I'm in my bedroom, on the station, and what I see is a wad
of overcaution the size and shape of its chief of
operations. Go back to your wife, man."

"Keiko mentioned you were dead on your feet; I thought it
couldn't hurt."

Julian reined himself in, managed a tired smile and gripped
Miles's hand briefly. "You're right, it can't hurt. Thanks.
I appreciate it. Now go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

"This is me going," the chief said, suiting action to word.

Julian laughed softly to himself. 'What did I ever do,' he
wondered as he dropped back off again, 'to deserve a friend
like him?

'Wait a minute. Did he say...nah.'

---

"Your knowledge of spices and herbs is unmatched, Keiko,"
Julian said, patting his mouth with his napkin. "Rarely has
Sea Berry Surprise made such an impression on me."

"Takes getting used to," O'Brien muttered at Julian behind
his own napkin, "but it's worth it once you get there."

"Mommy!" Molly's heels kicked the bottom of her high chair.
"Cherry cobbler!"

"With ice cream," Keiko added with a flourish as she set
plates down in front of everyone. "I didn't have anything
to do with this, it's just the replicator's, but she loves
it. I suppose it's all in what you grow up with. Honey,
watch your hair." She pulled several long brown strands out
of the mound of sweet balancing precariously on Molly's
spoon, just before the child shoveled the mass into her
mouth. "Her hair just WON'T stay in the braid," Keiko
fretted, sitting down with her own plate. "But I can't
stand the thought of cutting it. What do you think, Julian?"

"I think--" he paused to masticate and swallow, continued
as he was fishing up another bit with his spoon, "that her
hair is lovely. It's a matter of how much you and Miles are
willing to work at it, I suppose."

"Miles! He only brushes it until she starts whining." She
took another bite.

"I stay with it," Miles insisted, not wrought up enough to
be distracted from the dessert. "She sees me tie her tail
as often as you--when you're here, of course." There was a
brief moment of tension.

Julian broke it by dropping his spoon. "Oh. My goodness."

"Are you all right?" Keiko said quickly.

"I'm a bit...dizzy. My sleep patterns have been disturbed
lately and I can't...seem to shake this exhaustion."

"Do you need to lie down?" Keiko said around her current
bite of cobbler and ice cream, gulped it and rose from the
table, but Miles suddenly came out of his post-prandial
semicoma and stood, extending his arms. "Here, Julian, lean
on me."

Not having to fake much dazedness after *that*, Julian did,
and Miles guided him into the spare room, dumping him
gently on the bed. Then he said "Computer, locate Doctor
Andelghi."

"You don't need to bother Doct--"

"Doctor Andelghi is in the infirmary," the computer said
quietly.

"Put me through. Doctor Andelghi?"

"This is Andelghi. Go ahead."

"This is Chief O'Brien. Doctor Bashir just went faint on us
at our table."

"What were you serving?"

Julian saw Keiko, out in the front room, acquire a bug-eyed
smirk and double over as Miles controlled himself. "Nothing
unusual. He said he's been losing sleep and feeling
exhausted. Should we bring him to the infirmary?"

"No, you should see that he takes sleep and food and the
supplement shots I gave him and anything else which might
perk him up. He will be wearing the monitor, and I
understand you took it upon yourself to check him last
night?"

"Yeah. Keiko said he was looking pretty fagged."

"Then I doubt serious medical intervention is needed at
this time. Observe him, and if anything drastic
occurs--mental confusion and disorientation, sudden
unconsciousness, or his heart ceasing to beat--feel free to
contact the infirmary, and aid will be dispatched at once,
although if he is wearing his monitor, the infirmary will
be alerted automatically. Have a good evening, Mister
O'Brien."

"It's not Mister," Miles said softly out of reflex, but the
comm was already silent. "Bleeding bird doesn't know when
someone's sick. Are you still dizzy?"

Julian lifted his head, but was startled to find that it
did take something of an effort. "I'm just worn. I only
need to rest."

"You can stay here in the spare room," Keiko said quickly,
carrying Molly into the room. "Your monitor will alert the
computer and the infirmary, and we'll be right here to
help. Don't chew on your dress, Molly."

"There's cherry!"

"You've had enough cherry. I think you need a bath. Miles?"

Miles hesitated only a moment before taking the squirming
child from Keiko's arms. "Bath, Molly," he said
encouragingly as he left, and she made a cacophany of
responses, from happy acceptance to do-or-die avoidance, as
he managed to respond reasonably to each.

Julian took Keiko's hand as she settled on the bed next to
him, and said "Do you think this is working out?"

"So far. You really look drained, Julian. I think I'm glad
we decided to do this; I'd worry otherwise. How do you
feel?"

"Tired." His eyes kept trying to close. "I'm beginning to
think Miles is right. Maybe I went back to work too soon."

"Get some sleep, then; you know where the bathroom and
everything are, if you want a shower later. I'll go pick up
some of your things--no, I'll send Miles, he'll have a
better idea of what you'll need. After he has Molly out,
I'll tell him; it shouldn't take long. He never bathes her
well enough, she starts complaining, and he gives in too
eas--sorry. You don't need to know all this..."

"I am fascinated by all this. I must admit I don't know
Molly well, it's hard to know a child that small without
constant exposure. But you and Miles...Keiko, thank you,
it's a side of him, and of you, that I don't get to see
often."

"Julian?"

He realized his eyes were closing of their own accord.
"It's all right. My heart's still beating."

---

He woke in dimness. The monitor on his arm glowed softly,
all its lights still green.

He tried standing up. No problem. There was a pile of
folded clothing at the foot of the bed, and some personal
items on the dresser. He picked up some underwear and
wandered into the darkened front room, where he said
"Computer, quarter lights." He made his way to the
bathroom, peeling off various pieces of uniform in the
process, catching them and bringing them with him.

In the bathroom, he piled his uniform on the counter,
turned on the shower and stood in hot water for a while.

The heat started getting to him surprisingly quickly.
Pensively, he shut the shower off, then opened the frosted
door and stepped out. There was a chilly draft; had he left
the bathroom door--

'Oh my God.'

"You don't look like my Daddy," Molly complained.

"No, I'm...." he snatched a towel strategically around him.
"...not your Daddy. I'm staying here with you and your
Mommy and Daddy."

"Why?"

"Because I've been ill."

Molly glared him in the eye. "That's not why."

"It's partly why."

Molly considered. "Can I play in your room?"

"Of course."

"Are you my uncle?"

"I'm Julian, Daddy's friend. You remember me."

"Yeah, but--"

"Molly? Molly! What are you doing out of bed?" Keiko's
voice. Molly darted out of the bathroom, probably hoping to
make it back to her room past her mother.

Julian died quietly, then scooped up his things and made
tracks back to the spare room as quickly as humanly
possible.

Unsurprisingly, Keiko showed a few minutes later, wearing a
red satin nightgown and saying "How are you? All right?"

"No, I'm a mess. Your daughter saw me naked."

"It's not unusual for her; she sees her father that way all
the time."

"I know. She said so. She made an editorial comment. GOD,
I'm mortified."

"Relax. She's back in bed, and trust me, she doesn't care,
unless you plan on keeping her from playing in the spare
room."

"No, I told her she could..." he realized he was still
wearing the towel. Better, at least, than not wearing it,
he supposed. "Sorry. I'm a bit underdressed to be
entertaining..." he trailed off as they both thought the
same thing, and she grinned at him.

"Uh..." he cleared his throat. "Speaking of that, how goes
it on the groundlaying front?"

"It's going great! He told me he kissed you again. Calling
your bluff or something like that."

"Something like that, yes, he did, and it's a good thing I
was already lying down."

"Well..." she sidled conspiratorially up to him and said
softly "I told him I understood why he found you
attractive, that anyone with at least a few functioning
senses would--and that I did. He asked a couple of pretty
sharp questions, but he's okay now. I think we'll be ready
for at least a preliminary move tomorrow night."

Julian shook his head, his already large eyes expanded to
the size of saucers with bemusement. "This is getting more
surreal all the time. Plotting the seduction of my best
friend. With his wife, no less."

Keiko grinned. "I'm really starting to enjoy it. You know,
I think Miles suspects something's up, but like I said, he
won't do anything about it. He wants us to trick him into
doing what he wants to do already..."

"...but won't admit to. Yes, that's his usual modus
operendi."

Keiko got a mischievous look on her face. "You know,
Julian, I've never seen that towel look better."

He smiled. "Thanks. You do some fairly creative things with
that nightgown."

She looked behind her, toward the door, then quickly raised
on tiptoe, balancing with her hands on his chest, and
kissed him on the mouth, just a bit more than a peck. "Mm.
Miles never mentioned that you smell like cinnamon. I'll
see you in the morning."

He blinked in surprise, then was exasperated with himself
for doing so. What they were planning made small potatoes
of a kiss in a towel and a nightgown. "In the morning."

With a grin on her face a crate of lemons couldn't have
budged, Keiko slipped out into the front room and back to
bed, calling the lights off as she did so. Julian got into
his underwear and fell over on the bed. Come on, old man,
he was telling himself as he drifted off
again--surprisingly quickly. This sort of stunt is just up
your alley. You wouldn't have balked at it in med school...

But it wasn't so important then, he sighed as he realized.
This wasn't a joke, or a bet--this was much more serious.
And it was Miles, not just some grad-program classmate who
needed a push in the right direction.

---

"I'm afraid, doctor," Andelghi told him the next morning as
he sat on the exam bed, "that the subdermal monitor goes
back in."

"Oh, not the--that infernal itching," Julian complained,
but there was already a hiss and a pressure at the base of
his skull that told him it was too late. Nurse Akula
must've been standing by with the thing.

"If you don't preen at it, it won't itch. And I'm giving
you a course of phagospecific immunosuppressors--for some
reason, your body is having trouble accepting your own
regenerated tissues. It is possible we'll have to get you
back in the chamber and take another look at the situation,
especially if you insist again on playing tennis, or any
other--"

"Please, not yet. I'll take the suppressors. How am I
otherwise?"

"I hate to tell you this, doctor--"

"No. Not ag--"

"--but I'm relieving you of duty for two days."

"Aaargh!"

"The immunosuppressor course will be over then, and we'll
check you again. If this bothersome fatigue has left you
and your histamine counts are down, you'll be back on duty
then."

"My files will be a hopeless mess again by then."

From behind him, Nurse Akula said "If you would use a
standard filing system--"

"My system is more efficient."

"--rather than the 'Doctor Bashir's stream-of-consciousness
association' system, you wouldn't have to reorder your
currently active files every time you're away from the
infirmary for a few days. If you're not here to tell us
where things are, we have to put them where we can find
them."

"Yes, well. Thank you, Nurse, Doctor Andelghi." He climbed
down from the table--he realized with irritation that
Andelghi had noticed the lack of his usual spring-loaded
hop--and left the infirmary, to a chorus of well-wishes
from the staff which he dutifully nodded and smiled at.

"Hope you get the oozing pin molt," Julian muttered as he
stepped onto the lift to return to the habitat ring. "We'll
see how you like having *your* files bungled up."

He tapped the signal at the O'Brien's. "Who is it?" Keiko's
voice called through the door speaker.

"Me."

The doors slid open and he went in; Keiko was just putting
the breakfast dishes back in the replicator. "How did--"
she turned and saw the look on his face, dropped what she
was doing and hurried over to him. "What's the matter? What
did Andelghi say?"

"Our good Imachram feels I should be relieved of duty for
two days due to persistent fatigue and increased histamine
counts."

"Are you in any danger?" She laid the backs of her fingers
against his cheek as though checking for fever; he smiled.

"Not really. She did put the subdermal monitor back in,
though."

"Where?" Keiko scanned him up and down, and he turned his
head to show her. "At the base of my skull, here. It glows
green, in the dark. Unless it detects anything beyond a
prescribed range in any of several different chemical
systems, in which case it glows red and alerts the
infirmary. It's more precise in range than the model I had
on my arm--and supposedly less cumbersome, though
personally I think it's used because the subject can't lose
patience and rip the blasted thing off if it's worn
subdermally."

"Would anything like--exercise--make it go off?"

"Not unless I became severely dehydrated or--" he broke off
as he saw the grin spreading over her face. "No," he
chuckled. "Unless I get very much sicker, in which case we
can forget this whole thing; I'll hardly be in the mood."

She wrapped her arms around his right arm and steered him
to the couch. "You can just spend the day with Molly and
me. Miles will be taking off early today."

"Where *is* your little replica?"

"Playing in her room. She has a holoset there that she
can't play with on Bajor; our apartment hasn't got the
facilities to install it. So every time we visit, she
spends quite a bit of time with it. I got her a new program
on Earth birds and mammals to go with her Bajoran program.
She was terribly excited--she's never been to Earth, and I
think even though she fits in well enough with her Bajoran
playmates, to some degree she's aware she's different from
them."

"I'm glad she's managing to be comfortable with her
heritage and her companions both. It's a difficult
situation for some children."

"I think partly it's because she doesn't look that
different, and the Bajoran children her age don't remember
the Occupation any more than she does. So..." she unwrapped
one of her hands from his arm to rub his shoulder. "...what
should we do for the next five hours or so?"

"Keiko..." he didn't exactly pull away from her, but he did
turn a little to face her, unwinding his arm and putting it
over her shoulders instead. "Are you sure you and I should
be quite so...affectionate? Aren't we jumping the call a
little?"

She gave him an elaborately confused look. "We've always
been affectionate before. Right in front of Miles, usually."

He leaned close to her, tipping her chin up with a finger,
lowering his voice. "But we're not right in front of him.
And you've never had such a wicked look in your eye before,
and I've never..." he dropped his voice even farther.
"...felt such a response to your touching me." He glanced
briefly at the door of Molly's room and continued "Not that
I don't like it, don't doubt that. But if the chief...if
what we have in mind doesn't come off..."

"It will, Julian, don't *you* doubt it." They moved closer,
as Julian raised his eyebrows in query, until they were a
small knot of intrigue on the sofa. "He's in the palms of
our hands. All we have to do is sweep him off his feet just
right, and I've had a *great* idea how," she twinkled at
him.

'Oh Keiko, my Keiko,' he thought in half amusement,
half-confusion. 'You never cease to amaze me.' She'd been
married young, Julian knew, and was obviously relishing the
role of she was playing now--at least, as long as it
extensively involved her husband; safe enough not to
threaten her traditional views of marriage, outré enough to
fire a shot of adrenaline through her.

"Don't keep me in suspense," he murmured, and she opened
her mouth to continue, and Julian's knee was vigorously
slapped by a child's large-keyed PADD. "Jh'lian! Come see
my am'mals! Leggo of him, Mommy!"

"It'll wait," she conceded as they both laughed, and
Julian's left pinky was captured by Molly, who used all her
inconsiderable weight to get him up off the sofa and drag
him to her room.

Two hours later, he was still in there, and having an
excellent time, if he did say so, bouncing stuffed animals
and whatnot through the slightly transparent
holograms--they were programmable, but that was still a
little beyond her scope--and answering all the questions
she could think of. He was a font of information for Molly,
even if he did have to back her up and tell her which
questions to ask a couple of times. "Who keeps the gravity
working on Earth" was one of them. He seemed to be the only
adult she had ever met who just kept answering her
rapid-fire "Why?" until she herself got bored with the
relevant topic. He was able to say he had seen a number of
the birds and animals her program contained, and she
started trying to find more exotic ones to stump him with.

Eventually, Keiko came in. "Molly, it's time for lunch and
nap. You can play with Julian some more later."

"Come on, then," Julian grinned, swinging Molly high just
in time to break up the stormcloud that was forming on the
child's face. "We'll have a bite and a lie-down."

"YOU won't hafta take a nap."

"Actually," Julian sighed, depositing her in her chair, "I
might. Like I told you last--uh, I'm getting tired, myself."

Grinning at his momentary discomfiture, Keiko brought Molly
her lunch, and set two small plates of sashimi rolls and
cups of green tea on the table. Julian perked up at once.
"I *love* sashimi."

"I remember. Miles hates it."

"Yes, didn't he call it 'whale gums' or some such?"

She picked up her tea. "To the best-laid plans..."

"...of doctors and botanists. Cheers." They clinked their
teacups lightly together.

They snacked until Molly began to fuss around in her chair
and knock things onto the floor, at which point Julian got
up and said "Naptime, my girl."

"Wanna story!" Molly demanded indignantly.

"You'll get a story at bedtime, Molly," Keiko said firmly
as Julian took Molly to her room.

"Song!" Molly insisted, then. Julian laughed.

"Molly..." Keiko said, with a soft warning in her voice.

Julian said "It's all right. I know one she might like." He
got her situated and covered, then knelt on the floor next
to her and said "This is a very old song, in Gaelic. Does
your Daddy ever sing to you in Gaelic?"

Molly nodded, rubbing her face.

"This song is called "Athair ar Neamh."

"What's it mean?"

"I don't know what it means; I've been told it's a sort of
blessing. Your Daddy's people are very big on blessings;
and I always thought it was pretty." He began to sing in a
soft, mellifulous baritone.

Athair ar Neamh, Dia linn; Athair ar Neamh, Dia liom;

m'anam, mo chroi, mo ghloir, moladh duit, a Dhia.

Fada an Ia, go samh; Fada an oich', gan ghruaim;

aoibhneas athas gra; moladh duit, a Dhia.

Moraim thu o la go Ia.

Moraim thu o oich' go hoich'.

Athair ar Neamh, Dia linn, Athair ar Neamh, Dia liom,

an ghealach, an ghrian, an ghaoth,

moladh duit; a Dhia.

Molly was, for all practical purposes, unconscious by the
time he reached the end of the song, but he repeated it,
more softly, just to be safe; then he got up quietly and
slipped out, where Keiko was waiting for him by the door.
They stepped away and let it close silently.

"That was beautiful, Julian! Where did you ever learn that
song?"

"At the academy. I had a roommate named Siubhan Ni Cuimen.
She sang it every morning and night. Not that I minded, she
had a lovely voice; I asked her to teach it to me, and I
still sing it sometimes in my pediatric work. When I asked
Siubhan, she gave me a rough translation, but all I recall
of it clearly is that it refers to God and the soul, so I
suppose it's some sort of prayer or blessing. Or a
meditation, perhaps."

"I'm sure Miles will want to hear it."

"Miles says the only way he can abide my singing is to sing
loudly enough himself to drown me out."

"Miles *says* a lot of things, in case you'd forgotten."

He shook his head, leaning against the wall, smiling into
the distance. "I hadn't."

"Besides," Keiko added, "I doubt you've ever sung to Miles
like *that*. All right," she said, taking his hand and
leading him from Molly's door. "This is my idea..."

They sat on the sofa, and when she'd told him, he blinked a
moment, then said "It certainly has the virtue of
simplicity."

She nodded, pleased. "What could go wrong?"

"Plenty. But I'm in."

---

Miles had come home to find the two of them smiling and
talking over cups of tea, and had evidently been so
relieved that there was no longer any possibility of being
forced to choose between his wife and his best friend he
had transformed at least partly from the anxiety-ridden
knot he'd been since Julian's accident into a reasonably
jovial version of his usual self.

Julian was wearing a loose white shirt he happened to
own--not quite as billowy as his WWI flying ace shirt, nor
with the mandatory scarf at the throat, but it had gathered
sleeves and was a fair approximation. His pants were dark
brown, with a flat frontwaist, snug a little lower down on
the legs; similar to the flying trousers in all the
respects Miles probably liked about them.

It was after dinner--decidedly *not* Miles's favorite,
Keiko said he always knew something was up when she served
that, but he was comfortably fond of potato casserole--and
Julian was sitting back in an armchair that matched the
rest of the station-issue furniture in the living room.
They'd been chatting and relaxing for a couple of hours.

Julian was gazing into his glass of pale sherry, listening
to Keiko relate a misadventure that had occurred on Bajor,
involving herself, two of her assistants, and about a
week's worth of crossed communications. While the story
really was amusing, Julian kept having to bring his eyes up
from the glass of liquid; images kept trying to form in it.
And they were at least as interesting as Keiko's story.
'Thank God, at least I don't have subconscious memories
emerging into the mirror every morning. I'd never get out
of bed.'

"Hey, now. Innit a bit early for him to be having that?"
Miles's own choice had been his usual alternative to ale;
whiskey.

Julian realized he was being discussed and lost his mantle
of inertia. "Sorry, Miles? Oh, this. No, this is tame
compared to that toddy the other night." Keiko was
adjusting her hair knot, which included all of her hair
this evening. Her neck, Julian couldn't help noticing, was
swanly graceful.

"Julian's a doctor, he knows what's good for him," Keiko
said, then looked meaningfully at Julian and said "It's
nearly Molly's bedtime."

"Oh, I'll bath her and put her down," Miles said at once,
getting up, and Keiko grabbed his hand and whispered
something in his ear. Miles's eyebrows rose. "You don't
say. Julian, my wife here says our girl's come raving
attached to you."

"She likes the sound effects I make when she throws her
stuffed animals through the holograms from her set. Shall
I?"

Miles exchanged a look with Keiko. She raised her brows
significantly at him, and he said "By all means."

Molly either had been too engrossed in her terminal to
notice all this or, more likely, was doing the instinctive
thing children do to prevent unwelcome occurrences, such as
punishment or bed: Lie low, and the adults might forget
about it.

Julian got up and approached Molly, stood primly at
attention and tapped her tiny shoulder. "Mister Molly,
we've had a directive from Captain Mommy--bathtime. With a
Class One inspection afterward. It'll go hard with us if we
disobey orders."

Molly looked up at him. He gave her a penetrating,
concerned look and said, in a voice loaded with
fellow-feeling, "We'll be on report for a week, I shouldn't
wonder, if we're not in there scrubbing in thirty seconds.
The Captain's not a patient woman, you know."

"I know," Molly said, looking a little disgusted, then held
up her arms to Julian.

Julian was woefully ignorant--by Molly's standards--on how
to give a proper bath, and she directed most of it, letting
him have his head only when it came to being scrubbed dry.
She'd braved the hair-washing with only the occasional
splutter, and pointed out the correct detangling spray and
the right combing implements. He got her into her sleeper
and took her to her room.

"Let's have you then, Sir," he said, sitting down on the
bed and lifting her into his lap. "Here, this is the one,
right?" He held up a brush.

"Right."

"How am I doing?" he said, his surgeon's hands picking
skillfully through the long damp mass of brown with the
brush and comb. "This is my first bath assignment; you
*will* give a good report of me to the Captain, won't you?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded earnestly. "What was your firs'
'signment? Daddy's was Rutledge."

"This is my first assignment, Sir. I've never practiced
anywhere but here on DS9."

"Oh," she said, a little downcast.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Sir. You won't let it go on my
record, will you?"

She shook her head, and he adroitly released his hold on
her hair just in time.

He'd been aware of the O'Briens surreptitious observation
of all this, somewhere in the background; Keiko had wanted
Miles to see it, partly for the most innocent of
pleased-maternal reasons and partly as indignation
sabotage. Julian was just glad Molly was in a cooperative
mood. If she'd decided on a screaming fit, this whole thing
would have been sunk.

"Assignment complete," he announced finally, snapping the
soft clip shut on the end of her braid. "Now for the
inspection. Here comes...why, it's Commander Daddy! I
suppose Captain Mommy's busy with vital ship's business?"

Miles met Julian's playful grin with rolled eyes, and held
his arms out to Molly. "C'mere, lovey. Ohhhhh, aren't you
sweet..." While they were having a large hug, Julian
scuttled out into the front room.

Keiko, in delight, met him on the way to the sofas and
clasped his hands. "He's been staring at you all evening,
Julian!" she half-whispered excitedly. "I mean, when he's
not staring at me, but he always stares at me when I come
for a visit. You look GREAT in that outfit."

"That dress is quite a compliment to you as well. No, I
mean it. I take it you wore it on purpose?"

"This thing?" She released one of his hands to gesture at
the tight red dress she was wearing, long-sleeved, but snug
in all the most aesthetically pleasing places. "I certainly
didn't wear it for comfort. It's one of Miles's favorites.
Oh, your shirt sleeves are soaked--perfect! When Miles
comes out of Molly's room, start taking your shirt
off--wait for my cue."

"Just as you say, madam. I must admit, I'm glad one of us
feels confident enough to orchestrate this."

"Everything will be fine." They were sitting down,
apparently casually, next to each other on the sofa,
picking their drinks back up; but when Miles emerged from
Molly's room, it was only far enough to call "Julian!
Sweetie wants a song she says you sang her this afternoon."

"Oops. Glitch," Julian muttered.

Keiko patted his hand. "We can work with it. When you're
done and come back out, just watch me."

Julian got up and went to Molly's room; Miles stood in the
doorway, apparently planning to stay for the duration.
Julian smiled at Molly and kissed her forehead, then sank
to his haunches next to the bed and sang the Gaelic tune
again, in his softest, most consistently smooth voice,
calculated to relax a child into sleep; he'd had some
practice with it, having not been joking when he told Keiko
he sometimes sang the song for his younger patients.

Molly conked out, if anything, even more easily than she
had that afternoon. Miles had already turned the lights
down; now he touched a switch by the door and faint,
golden, floor-level lights came on all around the walls.
Julian stood quietly in the dimness and went to the door;
Miles gestured him out, then followed, and the doors closed.

While they were gone, Keiko had changed the music program,
and now something like muted Peruvian drums and flutes
reverberated quietly through the room. Julian, wondering if
maybe she wasn't laying it on a little thick, hurried back
toward the larger sofa and sat down again; Miles followed.
Since Keiko was sitting at one end of the sofa, and Julian
took the other, Miles, rather than removing himself to the
other couch, sat between them. He immediately picked up his
glass from the coffee table and knocked its contents back.

While he was doing so, Keiko gave a smile of ecstatic
encouragement to Julian behind Miles's head, and Julian
said "Heavens, I'm wet. I think I'll get out of this
thing." 'Won't win any acting awards for that one,' he
thought wryly, starting to undo the three buttons at each
of his cuffs; those done, he started at the collar.

By the time he was out of the shirt, having taken it to
hang in the spare room and come back bare from the waist
up, Miles was making a point of looking absolutely anywhere
other than at Julian. Keiko wasn't helping him, continuing
to address comments to the doctor so that Miles had no
choice but to include him in the conversation.

"No," Miles was saying in answer to something Keiko had
said. "I couldn't begin to translate that. It's as he said,
there're a few words that come through--to be with, God,
soul. I've never heard that song before."

"Wasn't it lovely?" Keiko said, rubbing Miles's knee.

"Oh, it was," Miles agreed readily, then seemed to realize
what he'd said and glanced at Julian to see if there was
any reaction there, then quickly glanced away again as he
remembered that the doctor was dressed only in those
extremely well-fitting pants tucked into a pair of dark
brown boots.

"You've got the right idea, Julian--time to relax," Keiko
said casually, rising and pointedly not stretching, which
might have stressed the dress's seams to the extent of
undressing her right there; she shook herself a little
instead, then strolled off to the master bedroom, slim hips
swaying beneath small, balanced shoulders and the golden
skin of her back.

"You're a lucky man," Julian opined, leaning over to pick
up the whiskey bottle and refresh Miles's glass.

"No faking," Miles smiled into his glass. "A wife like her,
a girl like Molly, a--"

"A what?" Julian's brows rose; he sipped at his sherry and
waited.

"Nothing," Miles muttered, and killed the newly filled shot
glass.

"Perhaps you'd best cut back a bit," Julian offered, moving
the bottle to the endtable next to him. "We don't want
anyone other than me sick around here. It would make Keiko
far too busy."

"Oh, but she's busy then," Miles muttered.

Julian laid a casual hand on his shoulder. "Here, let me
get at those kinks. I know where to find them--upper
trapezius, intravertebral strands, that sort of thing. Turn
around." 'Julian, you silver-tongued devil,' he thought
with a mental sigh.

"No, I'm fine," Miles said, without much conviction. "You
shouldn't put yourself out so, in your condition."

"Come on, it'll hardly kill either of us. And it's a
healthier way to relax than too much of Bushmill's finest."

Miles, poised on the edge of indecision, finally turned
around. Julian's long, powerful fingers began seeking out
the knots and strains in the deep, dark corners of Miles's
spinal column and attendant musculature.

"Feel selfish," Miles muttered, "you so weak and all. We
ought to be coddling *you*."

"Don't worry. I won't strain myself." Julian was starting
to feel an even, warm relaxation, and the radiant heat and
solidity of Miles's body under his hands was increasing it.

They were quiet for about five minutes; Julian moved in
closer to Miles, pulling one leg up on the couch in front
of him and scooting up. Not long after that, they heard
Keiko's voice. "Computer, half lights."

They both looked up from their near-trance, induced by the
music and the massage, Miles from receiving and Julian from
the mindless rhythm of seeking and destroying tension.
Keiko was approaching them in a red satin nightgown, the
same in basic design to the one she'd worn the previous
night. The difference seemed to be that the edges of it
reached a little less far everywhere.

She sat on her heels on the sofa, facing Miles, and leaned
forward on both arms. "That looks comfortable," she smiled.
Her hair was down, falling across her throat, gleaming jet.

"Mm," Miles said, eyes half-lidded.

Keiko hesitated only a fraction of a second--and that only
to Julian's admittedly distracted observation--and kissed
Miles, a soft peck first, then more deeply.

"Take his shirt off, Julian," she murmured, her mouth
centimeters from the chief's. "You can't give a proper
massage through clothes."

Once again wondering if this was actually happening, he
reached around Miles with both hands to set his fingers on
the placket of Miles's shirt, the buttons coming undone as
neatly as if he'd been perfectly alert and looking at what
he was doing. New meaning came to Miles's words "'She's
busy all right.'" Keiko'd probably picked the shirt out
herself.

Keiko was right. Miles knew what was happening, but he was
going to have to be led the whole way. 'I'm up for that,'
Julian thought, gently tugging Miles's shirt over his
shoulders, down his arms and off. 'But I'm glad Keiko's in
charge.'

He continued his massage; he couldn't see all of what Keiko
was doing in front of Miles, but he was starting to envy
the chief. Then Keiko reached around either side of Miles
and took Julian's hands, pulling them toward her; getting
the picture, Julian leaned up against Miles's back, sliding
his arms around the chief, his hands flat to the other
man's chest. He pressed a slow kiss into the side of
Miles's neck.

It had come without conscious thought, an automatic
reaction to the feeling of Miles in his arms, of their
contact; he didn't think until he'd already done it how
Miles might react. He lifted his mouth slightly and
breathed into the older man's ear "Still all right?"

A brief inarticulate noise, then, "...Julian," Miles
murmured, letting his head fall back to rest on Julian's
shoulder.

'Oh, good,' Julian thought in an excess of relief, saying
aloud "Mm, that's right. Relax..." The whisper and Julian's
lips brushed delicately along Miles's neck.

Keiko was visibly smoldering. With Miles's arms around her,
she lifted her head a little to kiss Julian, her small
moist tongue flickering between his lips; then she returned
her attention, for the moment, to Miles. He was pulling at
the shoulders of her gown, pulling it down; she lowered her
arms and slipped them through the straps, leaving the gown
around her waist, and Julian reflected that pregnancy and
childbirth didn't seem to have had any visible physical
effect on Keiko.

Julian reached down with one hand to pull his footgear off;
Keiko was busy getting rid of Miles's. Then she took
Miles's arms and pulled them all to their feet by holding
Julian around the triceps and tugging, keeping Miles
between them.

"Come on," she said, and began leading them toward the
bedroom. Julian kept his arm around Miles, but didn't try
to meet his eyes. A bit early for that yet.

Miles, sitting where Keiko gently pushed him down onto the
bed, finally did meet Julian's eyes, and his expression was
lost, hopeful, frightened, eager.

Rather than the automatic blurt of reassurance that came to
his lips, Julian instead used only the look full of
penetrating warmth that seemed to so reassure his patients;
but without the smile. He knew that with Miles out of his
element to the point of near panic, Julian would probably
find himself falling over a lot worse than a sofa if his
lips should so much as twitch upward.

Keiko kissed Miles, then turned to Julian and started
unbuttoning the double placket of his pants. While she did,
he slid his hands under the shimmering fabric of the gown
where it festooned at her waist, stretching and sliding it
just enough that it fell around her ankles of its own
accord. He met Keiko's eyes, a searching, desperate look.
'Are you sure this is right? Tell me what to do...'

She touched his cheek, kissed him, and slid his shorts off
the same way he had her nightgown, careful not to catch his
warm hardness.

They stepped close, embracing, and exchanged a kiss. Then
Keiko led Julian with her eyes and hands, and they both
turned to Miles, Julian resuming his stroking massage of
Miles's shoulders and back, while Keiko saw about getting
rid of the rest of Miles's clothes. She took a while at it,
with several stops along the way, Julian's massage
gradually transforming more into firm, smooth caresses.

Finally getting up on the bed beside them, she kissed Miles
deeply--then pulled back, looked expectantly at Julian, and
retreated to the far corner of the bed, pulling a pillow to
her and curling up around it, watching them. She smiled at
Julian and nodded once.

'She's left it in my court?'' Julian wondered at the wisdom
of that, but Keiko must know what she was doing. Julian
would never have expected this to get nearly so far.

Julian laid his hand on Miles's cheek, turning his face so
that their eyes met. "Still with me, Miles, love?"

Miles didn't speak, but he laid his hands on Julian's
shoulders, letting them slide along the doctor's smooth,
muscular arms; then he reached up, twined his fingers into
Julian's dark hair, and kissed him. Pulling Miles down with
him, Julian leaned back, his hand at the back of the
chief's neck to keep the kiss from breaking. They moved
together, stroking and kissing. 'Never in a million years,
how, how is this happening...' it ran through the back of
Julian's mind, a pestiferous chatter. 'This is real," he
told it. 'Accept it. Past the diamond wall...'

He was almost supernaturally aware of Keiko's presence; it
was as if he was touching her, too, her small, smooth body
at the corner of the bed, curled around the pillow. He
imagined he could feel the blood beating in her skin as he
felt it in Miles's, and Miles's own awareness of her, from
where she lay, eyes wide, breath soft and deep and heavy.

Miles and Julian were moving more urgently, but the chief
was obviously shy and hesitant; a totally different man
than the blustering Irishman Julian knew. He rolled Miles
gently over on his back, holding him close, nuzzling and
kissing at his collarbone, neck, and finally mouth. "Let
me, Miles," he whispered. "You've never done this before.
This first time, let me." He turned his head to look at
Keiko and held out his hand; she took it, and he laid her
hand in Miles's. "Relax," he said softly again.

"Julian..."

"Yes?" Julian prompted after a brief interval, his hands
and mouth still moving.

Miles took an unsteady breath and said "I never would've
thought you'd see me like this," the chief said in a rush,
shaking all over with sensitivity and desire; he quieted,
holding his breath, as soon as the words were out.
Obviously, he was not referring to his nudity. "It's...not
me, but--"

"I never thought that I would be so lucky, to see you like
this," Julian responded in a half-whisper. "It's you. Be
sure of that. It just isn't part of you that you show
everyone. Only Keiko, really. But please--" he broke off as
their continued slow, pliant motion against each other made
him quiver, too. "Don't be afraid this will change what we
are to each other, any of us. And as I said on the Rubicon,
this is between you, me and Keiko. And Keiko is right here."

"Listen to him, Miles," Keiko whispered, with only enough
volume to be heard over the ambient music. "Julian, show
him...show him you love him."

Julian met the other man's eyes, intending to say something
reassuring; but as they gazed at each other, breath warm on
each other's mouths, Miles's expression lost its component
of fear. He barely nodded to Julian, holding his eyes
steadily; the doctor nodded back, kissed him again, deep
and soft; then he began to slide down Miles's body, running
his mouth and hands over warm skin, soft, curling hair.

Reaching his destination, he hesitated when he felt Miles
tense, and began stroking Miles's lower stomach and thighs,
not straying too close yet to his sex. He trailed butterfly
kisses along the edges of the older man's pelvic bone,
nibbling gently, whispering reassurances. Keiko was
murmuring something too soft for Julian to hear; in a
moment, he felt Miles relax again, and stopped hesitating.

The shudder that ran through Miles when Julian's mouth
touched his erection hardened Julian himself almost to the
point of discomfort, but he managed to remain gentle, using
his hands along with his mouth, hearing himself moan as
Miles did, the other man's hips starting to rock.

Julian tried to prolong it, but the warm salty taste of
Miles in his mouth and increasingly energetic movement of
Miles's body conspired to erode his control; he took as
much of Miles's length into his mouth as he could, his
tongue moving and sliding firmly, and then Miles was crying
out, his body arching.

Finally, Julian wrapped his arms tightly around Miles's
waist, face pressed into the other man's side. "Miles...oh,
God..."

He felt Miles touch and stroke his shoulders, fingers
sliding through his hair.

Keiko whispered "Julian."

Julian looked up; Keiko had slid the pillow aside,
uncurling, and was holding her hand out to him. Wordless,
she beckoned, holding his eyes, sliding carefully closer to
Miles, who was lying on his back, eyes closed, wrestling
with some inner beast.

Julian pulled his left arm out from under Miles's back,
leaving the other across him as he pulled his knees under
him and slid up, hand out to take Keiko's. She moved close
against Miles, under Julian as he stretched out; she
reached down and grasped him in her right hand, and in the
state he was in after Miles all Julian's limbs gave and he
gasped, almost collapsing on her.

"Miles," she whispered to her husband. "Here." She took
Miles's hand and laid it over her own, where it held
Julian. "Like this. Just like this...slowly..." his hand
covered hers, following the motions it made, until she
gently withdrew her right hand, leaving Miles's wrapped
around Julian. She slid out from under Julian then toward
his left, and Julian put his arm around Miles to bring them
up onto their sides, facing each other.

Past that action, Julian was unable to think, and he began
to move in Miles's grasp, shuddering; he found Miles's
mouth with his own and kissed him, held the kiss together
determinedly as they moved with increasing rhythm. Miles
was holding Julian with his free arm, running that hand
over his back, through his hair, finally down to clench on
Julian's straining buttocks.

Julian was able to stand about a minute and a half of this;
then he broke their kiss, his body spasming, shaking into
slight laxness, then straining again, hands gripping
Miles's back.

He collapsed, panting and trembling. Miles held him
crushingly close, and Julian rested his head on the other
man's shoulder. "Julian," Miles whispered; an affirmation,
not a question.

They both heard Keiko whisper "I'll be right back." Her
slight weight left the bed.

They lay wrapped loosely together, Julian still panting a
little and Miles trying to slow his own breathing. Neither
of them spoke; they only absorbed each other's warmth,
scent, presence; they both knew that they couldn't continue
at this level of closeness for long--the rest of Keiko's
stay, perhaps. But that would be enough.

She was back in a moment with a warm, damp towel; Julian
smiled and took it from her as she sank back onto the bed.
He took a great deal of comforting, satiated pleasure in
mopping Miles and himself clean. Miles shuddered a little
as Julian stroked him with the towel; having brought Julian
to orgasm had moved him closer to being ready again, as
well.

Meticulously swabbing Miles's hand, Julian whispered "How
do you feel?"

The chief's gaze moved to Keiko, who was stretched out on
her side, smiling like a cat, then back to Julian. "Lucky."

"So do I." He knew it was safe to smile now, and he did.
"Miles, aren't we neglecting someone?"

"Can't have that," Miles agreed.

Keiko laughed lightly. "Believe me. I don't feel
neglected." Then she paused, saying more softly, with a
compassionate note in her voice that reassured both men on
an instinctive level, "Miles, didn't you mention something
to me? Something you'd like to do with Julian?"

Julian, dropping the towel on the floor and lying back
down, propped on his elbows, next to Miles, looked at him
and said "What is it?"

Miles just stared at him a moment. "God, how your eyes
glow," he murmured, then continued "I told her that I'd
like--at least once--to...I don't know, I didn't explain it
very well then, either. Show you what I feel. Not just tell
you."

"Show me...in what way?" This was obviously not a reference
to things like staying at Julian's when he was just out of
the infirmary.

"I wouldn't really know how...what to do." He reached up
and stroked Julian's hair. "Touch you, I suppose. The
way...oh, I don't know..."

"You mean the way you touch me," Keiko said softly from
behind Julian. "Don't you, Miles? Don't--" she sat up and
leaned across Julian--bringing her into firm contact with
his back, which was enough, in this situation, to make
Julian's breath catch. "...don't be upset, you haven't
betrayed me. You aren't betraying me. I'm right here--and
if you think I wouldn't enjoy it..." she shook her head
slowly, her heavy hair brushing repeatedly across Julian's
shoulder. "Don't think it. It isn't true. But--" she seemed
hesitant, for the first time since this had started. "If
you want me to leave you alone--"

Before Miles could lunge desperately toward her, Julian
turned up on his elbow and caught Keiko's arm. "No. Don't
go. Not yet, not now."

Miles expression echoed the sentiment, and Keiko nodded,
kissing Julian's shoulder before she moved back to her spot
in the pillows by the head of the bed.

Julian turned back to Miles and pulled them close. "Show
me. Please," he whispered into the other man's neck.

Miles did. He started at Julian's face and shoulders,
stroking, kissing, running his tongue lightly along jawline
and collarbone--experiencing Julian, the sight of him, the
tastes and smells. As Miles moved down his body, Julian
felt a curious lassitude, and a profound tenderness
swelling in him.

Miles devoted attention to almost every part of Julian's
body, occasionally pausing to press his cheek against
dark-ash skin, breathing in, eyes closed; but he would
resume in a few moments, gazing briefly at Julian's arm and
hand before leaning to exhale warm moist breath across the
inside of that wrist, sliding both hands under the younger
man's back to search out the flex and motion of the muscles
and velvety skin there, whispering something, his lips
against a smooth incurve of hip before pressing his mouth
firmly there.

The emotion literally thudding in Julian's heart was nearly
enough to bring on tears. He needed to touch Miles, too,
show to him....but as he took an unsteady breath to speak,
Miles's mouth found the delicate skin of his erection, and
the breath escaped his lungs in a rush, in a
groan--"Miles..."

Caressing him as Julian had been doing before, Miles paused
only long enough to whisper "I love you, Julian."

"I love you, Miles...ah, God..." he reached out blindly and
felt his own hands taken in small strong ones, Keiko
leaning over him, gripping his fingers as Julian went
through each wave of sensation and responsiveness, riding
through it with him, finally giving him her mouth to close
his own on.

Miles's mouth released him before he could reach the point
of no return, and he felt a reaction almost like a respite
from torture, though if there were an antithesis to
torture, this was it. Keiko released his hands and Julian
felt weight shifting around on the mattress. Then she was
straddling him, leaning close to press against him, and as
he slid into her his eyes flew open once, then slitted
helplessly closed again.

Now it was Miles holding his hands, but he pulled Miles
down in a clinging, storm-tossed embrace, valiantly trying
to forestall the inevitable. But Keiko knew what she was
doing. He didn't last long.

---

"Jh'lian!"

The doctor was swimming up from the deepest sleep he'd
experienced since the accident. He could smell Miles, and
another scent that had to be Keiko. He shifted, turning his
head, then propped himself up on his elbows and rubbed his
eyes.

When he opened them, it was to see another pair of eyes,
huge in context of accompanying face, peeking over the edge
of the bed at him. He was glad the sheet was still covering
him. "Hello, Molly," he smiled, blinking sleepily.

"Mommy says come eat," Molly informed him, then turned and
paced back around the bed and out the door, which swished
closed behind her.

Sitting up, he stretched and looked around; he was alone in
the room. The clock said that alpha shift had already
started; he supposed Miles was at work. The chief usually
took at least some time off during Keiko's visits, but she
had a few more days here yet; and Miles certainly couldn't
spare himself at work for the better part of a week.

He got up, had a brief thought concerning the pants he'd
been wearing yesterday, then noticed the robe hanging in
the open closet. He assumed it was Miles's, but, when he
got to it, saw that it was his. Keiko must've thought
ahead. Again. The woman was either psychic, or a master of
human psychology. Or perhaps just of Miles's and Julian's
psychology.

Whatever; he was infinitely grateful, full to the brim with
the sensation and emotion that infused him from last night.
He sat back down on the bed, not sure if he was ready to
face Keiko yet--but then, why shouldn't he be? Hadn't she
handled everything perfectly so far? He stretched again,
then got up and went out to the front room.

Keiko was taking a plate out of the replicator, and turned
to face him when she heard the door. "Good morning,
Julian," she said brightly, setting the plate on Molly's
high chair and lifting the girl in. "How are you feeling?"

"Spectacular," he replied, a little startled by the fact
that he didn't have to fabricate a gram of sincerity. Keiko
settled Molly in her chair, and she and Julian were
motionless for a moment, with matching radiant smiles; then
they both began giggling, and Julian held out his arms.
They came together in as heartfelt a hug as had ever
occured in the history of human civilization. He kissed her
forehead, and she turned back to the replicator. "What do
you want for--you're not going to eat those rich
puff-pastry things in your condition, are you?"

"My condition has improved to the point of its own
nonexistence. If it weren't for the fact that I'd *far*
rather stay here with you and Molly today, I'd go straight
to the infirmary and demonstrate the fact to Imachram. And
yes, delvan fluff pastries, please. With raktajino."

Keiko shook her head, setting her own plate on the
table--Julian couldn't identify the contents; various small
loaves and objects which undoubtedly grew naturally in salt
water--and said "You two. Miles and his gravy and scones,
you and those things. I'm amazed either of you ever managed
to grow as children."

"That's a little ironic coming from you, my dear," Julian
said, accepting the plate and mug she handed him. "Aside of
that, this isn't what I ate as a child."

Keiko was saved the necessity of replying by the sudden
event of Molly knocking her juice onto the floor. "Molly!"

"I'll take care of it," Julian, who had not yet sat down,
said. "You do enough around here. Miles is off to work, I
take it?"

"Not for long," Keiko informed him, handing him a towel.
"He's just going to check up on a few things, then come
home. He said he'd be gone an hour at most. And then
Molly--" she exchanged bright smiles with her daughter,
"gets to visit with the Artinsseks and spend the night
there with her friend Amanda!" Molly kicked her
sleeper-clad heels in anticipation.

Julian had just picked up his raktajino; Keiko sat down
across from him as it halted halfway to his lips. She gazed
at him expectantly.

"Oh," he said, then, as she reached across the table and
took his free hand, turning it over to tickle his palm,
"*Oh.* I see...ah, I do have time for a shower?"

Keiko grinned. "Sure. We're all through in the bathroom. By
the way, I'm taking Molly to the Artinsseks, and I'll be
staying to visit with Chandra and Diess for, oh...don't
look for me until after suppertime."

Julian's raktajino mug bonked back onto the table with
unintentional force. "Keiko--!"

"Now, Julian, don't get--"

"Does Miles know you won't be here?"

"I told him I might visit the Artinsseks for a while. I
didn't say how long. Don't look so panicked. Anyone would
think I was throwing you to the wolves."

"You rather are, Kei."

"Eat your pastries and stop worrying. How can you be so
nervous after last night?"

"*You* were there last night."

"And I'll be back tonight. You and Miles will only have to
entertain yourselves until then. However you like. Go
kayaking in a holosuite, if that's what you'd rather do.
But if I were in your position..."

"Kayaking's out. Imachram's forbidden it, along with
tennis. And you don't have to do this for us, Keiko; Miles
hardly sees you and Molly. Neither of us has any difficulty
with your presence."

"I'm doing it for Molly and me, too. Diess Artinssek was my
lab assistant for over a year on the Enterprise; he and
Chandra are good friends of mine. And if kayaking's out,
take in a concert or play a few games. No one's holding a
phaser on you, you know."

"Keiko, you don't understand. I'm not worried for myself.
It's Miles who's going to go into instant provoked-bear
mode."

"No, he won't."

"And on what, precisely, do you base that assumption?"

"As soon as you come out of the shower, you're going to get
into that black T-shirt and those drawstring pants I saw in
the pile of clothes Miles brought for you and lie down on
the sofa, feeling a little tired. And if I were you, I'd
have a headache, too; Miles gives wonderful neck massages.
If you present that unthreatening a picture, he won't have
anything to be provoked by."

Julian took a stiff slug of raktajino. "As you say, of
course, madam. Would there be anything else you'd care to
add in line of advice?"

Keiko, forking a final green food item into her mouth, rose
from the table. "Yes. RELAX." She emphasized the point by
brandishing her fork at him. "The one thing that might
still set Miles off is *your* being tense."

"Oh. No problem then. Pressure's off." Julian snapped his
fingers, sighed, and went back to his pastries while Keiko
took Molly and herself to dress.

Julian was still in the bathroom when Miles got back. Aware
of this possibility, Julian had already put his pants on,
along with a not-entirely-feigned bearing of neurasthenia,
when he emerged.

Miles had either not put his uniform on to make his rounds
or had had time to change out of it already, since he was
wearing a dark green tunic and black trousers over his
uniform boots. He was at the table with a cup of coffee and
two PADDs, apparently checking the information on each
against the other. He looked up as Julian, carrying the
T-shirt, came out of the bathroom.

Oops. Better not give him time to get nervy. Julian smiled
sleepily and strolled directly to Miles, taking his
shoulders and leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Good
morning. How's everything on the maintenance front?" He
squeezed the chief's shoulders once and continued down to
collapse on the large sofa, once again not having to make
much of a show. The heat of the shower had made him just
faintly dizzy.

"Well enough. Nothing that needs me right away. Keiko said
she was off to the Artinsseks with Molly for a bit."

"Yes, Molly's staying the night to visit with their girl
Amanda." He picked up the PADD on the coffee table, then
put it down and began massaging his temples.

"Head ache again?"

"Mm."

Miles got up, and Julian felt weight settle to the couch
next to him. "Here." Miles's hands rested a moment on
Julian's back, then slid up and began kneading the muscles
of his neck and shoulders. Julian reflected that Keiko was
right. Again.

"OH my," he muttered as Miles engaged and defeated a knot
near the right edge of Julian's spine, just below his neck.
"You're quite good at this, you know?"

"Had plenty of practice on Keiko. Pregnant women get their
bodies stressed in all the wrong places and directions--as
though I need to tell YOU that--and it was only my wringing
the pain out of her that made both our lives bearable in
the last few months of her carrying Molly."

"Mm." Julian just soaked up the massage for a while--he
became aware that his head had, actually, been aching a
little--until Miles's hands started moving down his spine,
probing deeper into the muscle. Julian began to manifest a
fairly common male physical reaction to that sort of deep
massage. By now, it didn't worry him, loose drawstring
pants or no.

In a few minutes, Miles let up a bit, began stroking more
lightly, and finally put his arms around Julian's waist,
pulling him close; Julian leaned back, happily and utterly
without concern as to Miles's state of mind.

The chief said "Head any better?"

"Mmmm..." Julian broke off the satiated moan as they both
chuckled, and said "Much. Thank you." Then his eyes came
open as he felt Miles kissing him just under the ear. As
Miles began to work his way down Julian's neck, the younger
man managed to stammer, through his unbelieving/ecstatic
state, "Ah...didn't you say we fell off, the last time we
tried to do this sort of thing on a sofa?"

"We were blithering snockered."

"Still, it might be...ah...advisable to...oh God..." he
couldn't finish. Miles's hands were too busy. But Miles
took the point anyway and assisted Julian to his feet,
whereupon they made their way, increasingly amorously, and
gracelessly, to the bedroom.

---

Julian woke up lying wrapped close to something large, warm
and fuzzy. The heartbeat and breathing he could hear ruled
out an enormous teddy bear. "Mm...good heavens, did I..."
he raised his head a bit, but it thunked back into Miles's
shoulder in unexpected weakness. "...fall asleep on you?"

Miles stroked Julian's hair with his free hand. "Sort of,"
he chuckled. "You're on me, and you've been asleep for half
an hour. What's wrong? Is your memory giving you trouble
again?"

Julian blinked, thinking, and the events just prior to his
nap came back to him, with a clarity resounding enough to
make him sigh and bury his face in Miles's neck, squeezing
him close. "No, I remember...I suppose I just wasn't quite
awake yet. I don't usually do that, you know."

"Do what? Fall asleep right after?"

"Yes, that. It's rather embarrassing."

Miles patted him comfortingly. "We were at it quite some
time, and you've got a way to go, recoverywise. At least we
didn't set your watchdog off."

"THAT blasted thing. I very much look forward to getting
rid of it tomorrow. It's odd, though; your rubbing my neck
didn't make it itch."

"It's not hard to tell where it is; I just didn't get too
near it. Did Keiko say anything about when she'd be back?
She's been gone a couple of hours now."

"She told me..." he cleared his throat and moved a little
away from Miles, propping up on his elbows. "She said not
to look for her until after suppertime."

Miles just stared at him a moment, then started laughing.
"That woman! Plays me like a fiddle, she does."

"In this latest symphony, I've been no less one of her
instruments than you. I envy you her, Miles."

"Aye. Like you said last night, I'm a lucky man. Come back,
I'm not done with you."

Julian unhesitatingly crawled back up to lie half on Miles.
They were quiet for a while, Julian content to lie there
and feel the rhythm of Miles's breath.

"This's been nice," Miles finally said quietly.

"Mm," Julian agreed, trailing his fingertips idly across
Miles's chest. When Miles didn't continue, Julian realized
something was the matter and lifted his head to look at
Miles. "What is it? You're radiating pensiveness."

"I suppose...it's that I--I wonder how--I mean, we can't go
on like this for long, but--"

"Are you worried about ending it? Going back to the way we
were?"

"Not worried, exactly. I just don't want...you to..."

"Oh, for--" Julian shook his head firmly. "Keiko and I set
this up from the beginning primarily as a way for you to
work out your feelings for me. I know that you wouldn't
feel right about doing this while she's away on Bajor, and
I don't think she'd care for it, either."

"I *know* she wouldn't."

"As for me..." Julian trailed off, thinking. Finally, he
said helplessly "I suppose that I--as attractive as the
prospect of being with you like this is--mostly, I wanted
to do whatever would make you happy again. If it meant
never to think of this again, I'd've accepted it. But I
have to admit...I'm glad of Keiko's intervention. I'm glad
it worked out this way."

"Me too." They kissed, long and deep.

"Why were you so off the idea of letting me close, anyway?
I don't mean like this," Julian asked, getting his head
comfortable on Miles's shoulder again. "I mean at all. I
can't get within a centimeter of where you really live
without you knocking me into orbit again. You're not like
that with everyone."

Miles sighed. "You really don't know?"

"I wouldn't ask if I did."

"Julian..." Miles was quiet so long Julian wondered if he'd
given up finding an answer, but just before Julian could
speak, Miles did. "You touch me every time you look at me.
When I meet your eyes, I have to do my damnedest not to
fall in. If I got into a relationship like this with
you...honestly, I'd fall hard for you, but within about two
months you'd have driven me flat round the bend."

Julian lifted himself on his elbows, staring at Miles,
almost dropjawed. "*Really*? I had no IDEA you felt like
that."

"You'd probably do rightly to forget it, too, after Keiko
leaves. Keiko is my life partner, Julian. I love her with
my whole soul. You...fall into the category of a well-nigh
irresistible temptation. You're the closest friend I've
ever had, but if we became more than that to each other for
long..."

Julian was nodding. "I see what you mean. We couldn't make
it long that way, no, you're right about that. Damn...that
explains so much. You've always been so touchy and moody
about this sort of--well, that, and the fact that you're
generally touchy and moody."

"I am when it comes to you. If you haven't noticed, you
bring that out in people."

"I think I've been insulted."

"Observant of you."

Julian rolled his eyes. "I'm going to have to kiss you for
that."

"Ah, well. Let's get it over with, then."

---

Julian was awakened by the sound of the door opening and
closing in the front room. He listened a second and knew it
was Keiko, and that she was alone. He carefully unwound
himself from Miles and slipped his robe on, then stepped
through the door.

Keiko was still by the front door, taking off her second
shoe. Her eyes widened. "Julian?" she whispered. "It was so
quiet. I thought you were asleep."

"No. Miles is. I was--" he rubbed his eyes and managed to
look a bit more alert. "How was your visit?"

"Fun," she smiled as he came up and put an arm around her.
"How, ah...how has your day gone?" Her grin and her look
between Julian and the bedroom door indicated she suspected
the answer.

"Good, I suppose," he said casually, then broke into a
grin. "Considering we've barely been out of bed for the
last nine hours."

Keiko convulsed with giggles, holding his arm for support.
"Then I guess that neither of you are going to be any good
to *me* tonight."

"Never assume," Julian muttered conspiratorially into her
ear, then kissed the ear, making her stifle another laugh,
adding "We *have* got a bit of sleep."

"Enough to wake Miles?" She pressed herself against his
side, cocking her head in query.

"Oh, I think so. Let's go tell him you're home at last."

---

Even though it was early in the morning, Julian managed to
prevent himself from biting the head off the lab technician
that brought him, at his own request, the readouts of his
last round of his tests, but he couldn't help a snap at
Andelghi. "Blast it, this is past enough! I feel fine."

"I am gratified to hear that, Doctor. But your histamine
counts have not come into alignment with the projected--"

"I know, I know, I know all that. But they ARE far closer
to normal balances, aren't they?"

"That is, judging by the types and levels of immunocells
and suppressants involved, purely a result of the
phagospecific suppressant. Doctor, for some reason, your
body is not accepting the regenerated myelin, and--"

'Deep, deep, deep trouble,' Julian was thinking. "Look," he
interrupted. "Let's give it another day before you stick me
back in the chamber, all right? This is QUITE anomalous,
and even tissue from external donors is sometimes accepted
only after a period of readjustment by the body. This could
easily remedy itself."

"Perhaps it will. Very well, another day. But you have a
two-degree temperature and your blood pressure is
unacceptably low. I cannot allow you back to regular duty.
You should remain in the infirmary where we can monitor--"

"My monitor hasn't gone off yet, has it?" 'And it won't,'
he thought determinedly. 'One good thing about the
subdermal model is that I can fool it, at least a bit.' "If
I promise to rest, and take the prescriptions, there's no
reason not to let me go. I've been staying at the O'Briens
until my condition improves; I won't even be alone."

"That is helpful," Andelghi agreed. "Very well. Nurse," she
cawed to Akula, who was in the supply area. "Prepare the
following for Doctor Bashir to take with him..." she went
to where the Andorian was, and the two began assembling a
formidable array of hypospray canisters.

Taking the filled case, he ducked out of the infirmary
through the lab. 'It's true,' he thought, 'doctors make
horrible patients. Especially so in my particular case.
I've always been the one still on his feet after everyone
else has bitten deckplate.'

Despite what he'd said to Imachram, he was determined to
give Keiko and Miles some time alone this last full day of
her current visit. He quietly made his way to his own
quarters, taking note of all the socks and general
disarray, but he was too tired to deal with it. 'I'm too
tired for everything, in this ridiculous condition', he
thought in disgust. 'I was nearly too tired to make love
with Keiko and Miles last night, and It's supposed to be me
wondering why my partner, or partners, have fallen asleep
so soon.'

There were certainly a lot of socks.

He plopped, in disgust at his own weakness, onto one of the
sofas.

Then he realized he was unconscious.

---

"Keiko!" The wind was blasting, but somehow it didn't blow
the fog away, just made it course against him in gale-force
clouds. He couldn't see a damned thing. "I can't see you!
Where are you?"

"Over here! Hurry! You're sinking! Can't you feel the fog?"

And the fog was thickening, catching on him as it blew
against his face and body, twining around his arms and
torso, weighing on his feet. "Keep talking!"

"Forward, Julian! You're coming the right way! Just keep
walking!"

"I..." he was getting weaker against the wind, the fog
heavier, his breath harsher. "Where are you? Why can't I
see you?"

"You're too far down, too far in--Julian, MOVE! You can do
it, but I can't help you! I'm not strong enough, all I can
do is lead you--"

"Then keep talking," he rasped, and he heard her commencing
a patter of encouragement. "That's it, keep moving, you're
on the right way...don't worry, you're doing great,
keep--JULIAN! LOOK OUT--!"

He tripped and tumbled down a sharp but shallow depression,
winding up full-length at the bottom. "Keiko, you've--" he
could hardly take a breath down here, barely move his
limbs. "--I can't get up, you've got to help me..."

"I CAN'T! I'm not strong enough! Only Miles can lift you,
and you haven't reached him yet! Listen to me. Take one
deep breath--just one, as deep as you can--and hold it,
then put everything you have into climbing out and getting
up. You can do it!" Her voice took on a preternatural
focus. "You can do it, or I WOULDN'T STILL BE HERE."

She's got a point, he thought, and did as she said. There
was the effort of drawing in the breath--heavy, full of
fog, but a full breath--and then he gritted his teeth and
saw spots before his eyes, rolled over, grasped a rock with
one hand, and heaved, gaining an armlength. 'What's the
good of all this athletic coordination if I can't climb a
few yards of moss and rocks', he told himself, and reached
out with the other arm.

"Good, Julian, you're going to make it--once more, you'll
be over the lip--"

He hauled his angular person over the rim of the
depression, rolled, and his legs were out. He exhaled, and
almost lost consciousness; he wasn't sure he could take
another breath.

"Dammit, Julian! You arrogant little holier-than-thou
Mister Aristocrat--"

Good God. It was Major Kira.

"BREATHE! Breathe, you pathetic, scrawny--"

He breathed. Once, twice. Three times. He rolled onto his
front, pulled his knees under him, got to his feet, weaving
dangerously.

"Way to GO, Julian! Now impress the hell out of all of us
and WALK, think you can manage that one, golden boy? One
step. One little step. C'mon, frontier medicine man--"

He took the step, then one more, then was lunging forward
more in a controlled fall than really walking, but he was
moving. Forward, against the wind. "If you'll...pardon my
asking, Major...what happened to Keiko?"

"I'm still here," Keiko's voice called, sounding closer
now. "Can you see me yet?"

Julian could focus his eyes a bit more clearly now, and he
thought he saw a small shape in the distance, waving its
arms.

"If that's you waving," he paused for a huge, effortful
inhalation, "yes, I see you."

"Wonderful! Come on! I'm sorry I can't help, but like I
said, Miles is the only one strong enough, and you haven't
come far enough for him to take you yet."

"How far is far enough?" he rasped desperately, but she
only said "You're doing great. You're getting stronger.
Keep coming. I'm right here. Look up, do you see me?"

Now he could distinguish her, like Hamlet's father or
something, out of the fog. 'Hamlet's father? Where the hell
did that come from?'

"Don't worry about it, Julian." Had he had the wherewithal,
he'd have vocalized his extreme startlement as a firm arm
grasped him around the back and another swept his knees out
from under him. "We're going to get you out of here now."

"Miles..."

"Don't fuss. It makes this harder. And remember to keep
your feet in. We may have to go through some narrow spots."

"Just as you say," Julian panted, and in a few breaths he'd
regained enough strength to raise an arm and wrap it around
the chief's neck.

"Ah, there, you see? Good lad," Miles said as Julian took a
little of the strain off Miles's arms.

"Miles, how did Major Kira get in here?"

"Everyone you've ever known is in here, and plenty you
haven't, at least not out THERE." Miles snorted the last
word derisively.

"I thought Keiko said once that no one would show here that
I didn't want to see."

"What you wanted was to get the bloody hell onto your feet,
and Kira did that for you right enough. Now stop talking.
Just breathe, get stronger. We're going to have to wake you
up in a bit here, and it's not going to be a picnic for any
of us."

"Am I injured?"

"You nearly died of a massive tissue rejection."

"How?"

"How should I know? All I know is I took you to the
infirmary and they stuck you in a chamber and slammed the
lid." The ground seemed to get squishy, and Miles swore
briefly as he pulled his feet up, out and forward. "That
Doctor Andelghi was squawking like a laying hen and half
the infirmary staff was mobilizing, last I saw. Someone
said something about a, what was it...they were going to
'repeal' the regeneration."

"That means to kill the regenerated tissue and initiate a
new regeneration. They must have found what my body was
rejecting in the new tissues."

"If you say so. All right, this bit may be tricky--hang on
and try not to shift your weight."

Julian, without moving his head, looked down and saw that
Miles was walking on rounded black stones that thrust, each
with its own riffling wake, from the surface of a
winter-dark stream. Twists of cold mist, just as with a
current flowing slightly too fast to freeze in ambient
freezing air, rose from the water. He had a feeling that
falling into that would get him a lot worse than a cold
soaking.

Too unnerved to speak, Julian simply followed Miles's
directive and kept his feet in and his mouth shut, holding
as much of his own weight as he could with the arm across
Miles's shoulders.

There was a bad moment when Miles had to get up the
iced-grassy bank, and Julian nearly tensed and squirmed,
but he realized his life probably depended on his not doing
so.

"Right," Miles grunted with finality as Julian felt the
other man's footfall strike solider turf. "Good job."

"Glad to hear I'm doing so well."

"Oh, you're a dream. You'll not need us any more in a bit.
You'll be good as new."

"Not need--what do you mean?"

"Your regular neural system's'll be working fine again. You
won't need us intermediaries. Damned inefficient, when you
consider how quickly we can affect changes in your
metabolism, but that's the way it goes."

"Wait. You mean my dreams will be gone? The dreams with you
and Keiko?"

"We're only here to tide you over. But we--"

There was an unexpected joggle in the entire landscape,
ground, fog, indistinct sky, the works.

"Miles, don't--"

But Miles was swinging Julian down, steadying him with both
hands, saying "Give my love to Keiko, and Keiko's love to
me, and Molly a good hug."

"Miles!"

---

"Criminey, Julian, I'm right here."

Julian realized he was being lifted out of the regeneration
unit on a pallet.

"Doctor!" Andelghi and Doctor Knerent were both in
attendance, along with Nurses Akula and Tora and several
technicians. "What are you doing conscious?"

"Wondering what happened."

"Keiko and I," Miles informed him, "found you unconscious
in your quarters. And its a damn good thing we did; I
assume that scanner you're wearing is supposed to notify
the infirmary if you faint, and it hadn't let out a peep,
apparently."

As he was being settled in a biobed, Keiko slipped between
everyone to take his hand and hold it in both her own. "We
were terrified, we thought you must be dying. You were
breathing, but Miles couldn't find a pulse."

"Excuse me, madam," Akula said, leaning past her to run a
scanner over Julian.

"I've got very low blood pressure."

"You had virtually nonexistent blood pressure by the time
Chief O'Brien carried you here," Nurse Tora told him. "And
your respiration was as close to that as makes no
difference. Anaphylaxis."

"From my OWN tissues?"

"There was an error in the regeneration sequence, one which
I have never encountered," Andelghi said, "and I will be
having that regeneration unit scrapped shortly, but first
I'd like to examine it and see where the errors were made.
I am sure Starfleet Medical will want to--"

'Uh, oh.' "Wait a bit on that," Julian cut in, letting his
head fall against the pillow. "I'd...like to go over it
myself." 'And invent a malfunction. Shouldn't be too
difficult.' "Have you checked the results?"

"We have checked the unit monitors, readouts, and functions
thoroughly, and we are now--excuse me, chief--trying to
check you as well, if your friends could give us a little
room, please?"

Julian smiled at Keiko and Miles. "They'll be done in a few
moments."

Still looking protective on Miles's side and worried on
Keiko's, the two fell back, but didn't leave the room.

Finally Andelghi pronounced the regeneration a success, but
it took her nearly an hour of extra checks and repeatedly
run and cross-checked scans. Julian was patient, so to
speak, knowing that he'd be doing the same thing in her
position, but Miles was a bit of a problem, demanding to
know what was going on every five minutes. "Is he bloody
all right or no?" Keiko finally shushed him.

"So," Julian said, receiving a cup of tea from Keiko where
he sat in his quarters. "How did you know to come for me?"

"We didn't know to come for you. We were just coming
to...see you," Keiko said going back to the replicator for
some coffee for Miles.

"As much of me as possible, I suppose that smirk means," he
grinned, and sipped his tea.

"That thought did cross our minds," Miles said, an arm
slung casually around Julian's shoulders.

"How did you get in? Does your clearance code open private
residences, Miles?"

"No, but a good whack to the lock unit and a hotwired
connection does."

"You jimmied the lock? How did you even know I was in
trouble?"

"You've been looking like all hell. When the computer
located you here and you didn't answer the signal, we knew
better than to take a chance. Thanks, me love." Keiko sat
down on Julian's other side.

"What went wrong with the regeneration, Julian? Did they
ever figure that out?"

"Apparently something went wrong in the sequencing," he
shrugged as casually as possible. "New error, never
happened before. Andelghi will be writing up a report for
Starfleet Medical." Thank God, the 'error' hadn't been
difficult to arrange, or to make look reasonable.

"So you're all right now?" Miles asked.

"Never better, Miles. One hundred percent."

"Good," Miles said, and he and Keiko exchanged a look. "I'd
carry you to the bedroom, Julian, but I think my back's had
quite enough of that sort of activity."

Julian blinked, looked at Keiko. "Ah...are you sure..."

"Don't look at me. I might be able to drag you, but I'd
never get you picked up. Come on." She took the half-empty
teacup from him and stood, pulling him up, grinning. "This
is my last day here for a while. Let's not waste it."

---

He woke up; it was getting late. Before he even opened his
eyes he knew that Keiko was missing. He sat up, looking
around.

"Computer, half lights," he said softly, but knew as the
words left his mouth that Miles was awake.

The chief ran a hand down Julian's back. "Before you ask,
she's gone to get Molly, and give us a little time."

"Yes," Julian sighed, lying down again, this time half on
Miles. "I suppose this will be our last...intimate episode,
for at least a good while."

"Will you miss it?"

"Of course I'll miss it. But I'd miss you a lot worse if we
wound up having to forbid ourselves each other's company."

Miles sighed, stroking Julian's back. "I suppose it's a
good thing, in a way. Much more of this, and I think I'd be
too attached to it to stop."

Julian lifted his head and looked at him for a moment. "I
think I've just been complimented."

"Observant of you."

"I'm going to have to kiss you for that."

"Feel free."

Julian did, and they tangled themselves up in each other
and stayed that way, wordless, for a good while; finally,
the comm beeped, and Miles said "Keiko. She's home. I'd
better get back to her. Will you meet us at the airlock
tomorrow morning?"

"Count on it. Miles, in case I never have occasion to say
this again...I love you."

Miles was quiet, smiling slightly for a moment, then
answering "And I love you. Don't forget it. And it'd be
best if you didn't mention it, either."

Julian smiled too, a little sadly. "I suppose it would be
best, at that."

---

As the airlock closed behind Keiko and Molly, Julian still
felt the print of her mouth on his, the surprising force of
the hug her diminutive arms had encircled him in. Molly had
cheerfully kissed his cheek and waved over her shoulder as
the great gearlike lock rolled shut.

He and Miles stood there a moment, surrounded by new
arrivals and their greeting parties, and well-wishers of
those who'd taken the transport out, as all got their
collective thing together and went about their business.

Finally Miles met Julian's eyes. "You on duty?"

"No, I've got a day off. Imachram insisted."

"I'm off today, too."

They stood there a moment longer, then Miles continued "Up
for a round of darts?"

Julian grinned. "I'll spot you a triple twenty."

---

The End