The BLTS Archivve - Tabula Rasa
by BGM (bgmanic@gmail.com)

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"Spread your legs. Wider. Open yourself to me, Doctor."

His voice was intoxicating, this he had to admit. Well, a part of him
did. That part of his mind that wasn't suffused with an excited
arousal, a corner of his brain that wasn't clouded by desire and
longing. That logic was quickly vanishing.

Bashir craned his neck back, parting his lips to allow a long, breathy
exhale. It served to steady his nerves and sharpen his attention.

"I love it when you're bound by the trappings of your desire, Doctor.
It excites me."

Bashir also decided he never wanted Garak to shut up. Cardassians were
very verbal during sex, a fact Garak had warned him before they
experienced their first intimate moment. Bashir had been wary of this.
Contrary to popular gossip, Julian had nothing of a screamer, or a
talker, during sex. He was quiet, subtle. But he quickly found out
that Garak's voice excited him beyond reason. In his darker moments,
Doctor Bashir wondered if Garak had been able to break men by the sole
power of his words. More often than not he agreed with his assumption.

All thoughts fled from his mind when Julian felt Garak's blunt fingers
penetrate him. He was so skillful; gentle when needed, unceremonious
when urgent desires fractured their reason.

"*You* excite me," Garak remarked, hissing softly as he stroked his
fingers deeply into the doctor's body. "With every reaction to my
moves, you tantalize my every senses, dear Doctor."

Julian lifted his hips from the bed, breathing hard into the pillow.
"Don't s-stop," he stammered, parting his knees wide and thrusting
forward into Garak's hand. What must he look like, now? Spread so
openly under a clothed Cardassian, his every limit explored and
broken, his cock jutting with burning need.

Garak enjoyed this position usually, and though Bashir had been
uncomfortable at first, he'd soon learnt to enjoy it also. The
Cardassian said it brought him pleasure to coax Julian to climax. It
satisfied some deeper need that he be clothed and administer the
pleasure with controlled responses.

"Say my name," Garak said, using his free hand to push a knee further
apart as he concentrated on his ministration. From his vantage point,
Garak could see the most intimate parts of the doctor; the long smooth
cock, the alien sacks that hung beneath, the dark hair that twined
above. And the entrance to his body, so small and yet pliant, yielding
under his caress.

"Garak ..." Julian moaned brokenly, pleasure shattering his voice.

"My name, Doctor," Garak insisted, and Julian was surprised that the
Cardassian's voice was unsteady. How unusual.

"Elim," Julian corrected, the word dwindling into a shuddering sigh.
"I'm ... going to ... soon," he warned haltingly, his fist reaching
for his cock. Garak arrested the movement, his other hand busy with
three fingers buried deeply into Bashir's body.

"Allow me, Doctor. I want to control your pleasure," he murmured with
enough edge in his voice to make Julian pause. So Garak lowered his
tone and added, "I want to see you submit to it without reason,
without thought. I want to see you relinquish everything to me."

Julian's moans was salve to the Cardassian's misery. His fingers
probed deeper still, stroking the place he knew rendered the Human
completely senseless. Julian elevated his hands above his head, as
though forcing himself to ignore his scalding desire. He'd never
looked so desirable as he did now.

"Harder," he said through his clenched teeth, breathing heavily.

Garak parted his lips and wet his parched lips. "Would you like me
inside you?" he asked, retreating from the warmth of Bashir's inner
depths. His fingers were moist, and he used them to caress the slender
cock.

Julian's body quivered under him. "No ... I want to be inside you ..."
he managed, opening his eyes. Garak was watching him carefully, his
face harder to read than usual. His eyes, normally so expressive, were
veiled with guarded caution.

"I don't think that would be--" Garak recoiled as Bashir sat up
suddenly, pulling him with endless strength toward him.

"You're right, don't think," Bashir whispered, pressing his eager
mouth to the Cardassian's. The kiss was fleeting, bruising and raw.
Garak's whimper was lost in their passion, and whatever control the
Cardassian might have possessed vanished in the moment.

Julian leaned back, studying Garak's face.

"Again," the tailor rasped. Such vivid emotion lighted his face now,
sobered only by his conflicted instincts. "Again," he persisted, his
shoulders relaxing, his whole body anticipating the inevitable
assault.

Bashir indulged him. Again and again. Until Garak was lying on his
back and began to struggle seriously against the Human. "Doctor ...
wait ... stop ... please, Doctor, get off of me," he begged.

Lost in a haze of confusion and assertive lust, Julian broke the kiss
and stared at Garak with an open-mouthed frown. "What's wrong?" he
panted.

Garak's eyes were closed and he continued to push at Julian to remove
him. "Just ... stop, and get off," he edged.

Bashir blinked, completely bewildered now, and not a little irritated.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, sitting back on his haunches.
Garak sat up, inhaling deeply, taking in his air as though he were
suffering a panic attack.

And indeed ...

"I need ... air," he wheezed, suddenly clawing at his throat. Bashir
was on him faster than he could realize what was going on. It was only
when he helped Garak to his feet did he notice the labored breathing.
"Can't breathe!" the Cardassian cried, bending over at his waist.

"Sssh, hang on, hang on," Bashir tried to calm him, ushering him to
the washroom. Holding Garak's arm with one hand, the doctor reached
inside his bathtub and activated a scalding hydro-jet. "Come on," he
urged, moving Garak under the water stream.

The heat began working its effect before long, and Garak turned, his
hair plastered wetly over his face as he nodded weakly. He rested his
head against the wall and exhaled, the steam coiling around him.
Bashir cut the jet and entered the bathtub with him. He pressed his
palm over the Cardassian's cheek, forcing Garak to look at him. "What
happened?" he asked softly.

The light in Garak's eyes faded, familiar facades erected at the sound
of his lover's voice. "Have you no idea what effect you have on me?"
he smiled endearingly, passing his fingers over Bashir's forehead in
an affectionate Kardasi gesture.

Julian was not so easily deterred. "Don't lie to me. Not now," he
pleaded. "What happened?"

"Well if you insist ... I'm an old man, my stamina isn't what it used
to b--"

"For God's sake Garak!" Bashir yelled, stepping out of the tub
angrily. "Why don't you stay in here and spin more lies to yourself,"
he barked as he left the washroom, slamming the door behind him.

Garak looked after him for a long moment, letting himself slide down
the wall into a crouch. He sighed, combing his hands through his wet
hair.

When he felt his lungs collapsing again, he turned on the hydro-jet.

---

An hour passed before Julian heard the door to the washroom opening
and closing. He shifted in bed, keeping his eyes closed with stubborn
anger. The bed moved then dipped when Garak sidled up next to him.

"Julian."

"I'm sleeping."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I'm glad to hear it." Bashir shifted position again and fluffed his
pillow with irritation. "We've only known each other six years," he
threw over his shoulder. "You'd think by now you'd trust me with the
truth now and then."

"Perhaps I lie because the truth hurts too much, Julian. Did you stop
to think about that?" Garak's voice had turned annoyed.

Julian twisted in his sheets and tried to discern the Cardassian in
the faint light. "Do you think I'm so na�ve that I wouldn't know?
That I don't suspect the truth would hurt far more than just a quick,
easy lie?" He sat up gingerly. "Something happened when I kissed you.
When I forced you back." He paused, sensing his words were agitating
Garak again. He placed his hand tenderly on the Cardassian's neck
ridge. "Maybe if you tell me what it was, it could help ..."

"I doubt it."

"Try it. Maybe you'll like it."

Garak stared at Julian.

"Telling the truth, I mean," Bashir whispered. "Didn't /you/ ever stop
to think that bottling things up like you do might be the cause for
your claustrophobia?" Julian leaned in and gazed intensely into
Garak's eyes. "After all these years, do you even remember who you
are, Elim?"

"Sometimes," Garak said with difficulty. "Sometimes I do."

"Talk to me, Elim."

And so they spent the next few hours discussing many things. The name
of Tain often came up, and Julian waited tolerantly for Garak to
eventually confess the history he shared with the retired spymaster.
It wasn't pretty. Many times Julian had to swallow down deliberately,
had to quell his churning stomach. Near the end, Garak's voice had
become flat and cold.

"I'm a foolish man, Julian."

"Why is that?" His voice was soft, a vivid contrast to the
Cardassian's icy tones.

"Despite all that, I would still risk my hide if it meant helping
him."

"He's your father." Julian's statement was oddly logical, made sense
without further explanation. Garak leaned sideways and cradled his
head on Bashir's lap.

"He /was/ my father. He's gone now. I made sure, you know. How
terrible is that? I actually pressed my fingers on his throat to make
sure the bastard was dead. Ever since his genocide run into the gamma
quadrant I'd been fearing his return. I'd been fearing my own
reaction. He would have but to call, and I would come running. And I
did, didn't I?"

"You would have never found me had you decided to stay on DS9," Bashir
pointed out. It was a rather small comfort.

"I'm glad he's dead," Garak said thoughtfully, coldly, stroking the
Doctor's hand with his own in a detached need for contact. "When his
life ended ... when he offered me his last pathetic attempt to control
me ... I felt liberated. I truly believed my life would start having a
sense of normalcy. How wrong I was."

"A history of abuse like that won't be forgotten so easily, Elim,"
Julian said in a hushed tone.

Garak inhaled deeply. "Even in death, he haunts me. He triumphs, in
the end."

"No. We'll triumph, Elim. Together." Julian settled into bed more
comfortably, turning his hand to twine his fingers with Garak's.

"Brave words," Garak murmured.

"Only natural that they should apply to a brave man," Julian added
softly.

---

The End