The BLTS Archive- Montgomery's Shock: Len's Letter
Fifth in the Edge of Forever series
by S.R. Benjamin (phil@temples.com)

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Dear Scotty:


Fine timing, you're probably gone and won't get this. Although I'm glad
you wrote at all, truthfully.

Since you contacted  me, I'll assume I can talk frankly about what came
to my mind when I read your transmission.  But first, we've got to agree
that it happened and it's over, all right?  You don't remember what it
was like back then, or you wouldn't be so hard on yourself.  Redjack had
terrorized everyone, you stood accused of murder on a planet whose laws
we hardly knew.  Don't you remember the nightmares, how you would page
Sickbay mid-gamma shift and I would go to your quarters and we would
talk after you finished shaking and could breathe again?  And yes,
sometimes I held you.  But don't make those times a ghost you have to
flee.  Maybe you did cross a line you would have preferred not to, but
it's past now.  I certainly don't feel any differently about you because
you asked me.  Do you feel differently about me after that  Cordrazine
accident?  Whether it's stress or terror or drugs talking, it doesn't
matter.  It's OK.  And I'm glad you wrote because I don't think you
heard me say these same things the morning after.

In the long run, I think we're closer because of how it turned out.
Your respected my saying no, and the next day we could just go on.
Isn't that good enough?  How long are you going to reproach yourself for
doing what you needed to do to get through it?  If I had been accused of
doing to that woman what you were, I'd be likely to prove it wasn't
women I wanted, either.  So forget it.

The real question is, why spend all the effort saying you're running
from Spock and Jim?  You and I could name half a dozen ships where
senior officers are in relationships which Starfleet conveniently
ignores.  And all of those ships are functioning just fine.  So don't
hide behind those two.  Tell me you're really running because you can't
face yourself, and let me be a friend to you.  Scotty, minds aren't like
engines.  Engines fail, they stop; minds get confused, maybe things
happen that wouldn't in a clearer time, but minds keep going.  Most of
them, anyway.  Yours, certainly.  You've got to bring to your view of
the situation the compassion it deserves.  You deserve.

Just remember, you can't run from yourself, not even with transwarp
drive.  So think about coming back, willya?

Hope you get this, really get this,


Len
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The End