The BLTS Archive- Secrets
Seventh in the Love Life series
by Belynda (belindat@ihug.co.nz)

---

Date: 14 September 1998

Archiving: Yes to all

Disclaimer. All characters, places and terminology that you recognize
do not belong to me. They belong to Paramount. Anything else you
recognize belongs to me. I make no profit from these stories.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This story is about a m/m relationship. If 
this isn't your cup of tea or if you are under 18, what are you doing
here? You have been warned!

---

Harry looked back down the corridor to make sure that no one had
followed him. He knew he was being paranoid but what he was about to
do couldn't be seen by any other person. Well, maybe Chakotay and only
because he trusted him not to tell anyone else. Noticing that the
corridor was indeed empty, he placed the disk he carried into the
holodeck mainframe. quot;Computer run program Kim Alpha Beta 89h87j."

"Working. . . Password is required."

"Kim Day Sun Earth 34f45g."

"Password accepted. Please specify parameters."

"Safeties off. Level 4.c. Situation 2.4."

"Working. . . Complete."

With one last look down the corridor, Harry entered into the darkness
of the holodeck.

--- Later that day ---

"Computer location of Ensign Kim." Chakotay ask the computer  as he
toweled his wet hair dry from the shower he had just taken.

"Ensign Kim is in his quarters."

Tossing the towel in the general direction of the bathroom, Chakotay
pulled in some clothes. Even though Harry was fit and healthy,
according to the Doctor, Chakotay still couldn't get over his fear
that something wasn't right. Oh, he knew that the Doctor was right,
Harry was healthy, but that still didn't take away the feeling that
Harry was different, changed. He had asked several times if Harry
wanted to talk about it. But he would just change the subject or kiss
Chakotay into forgetting the question.

But as each day passed he knew that Harry was keeping something from 
him. And tonight he was going to get some answers. Making his way to
Harry's quarters, he wondered how he was going to ask his lover what
was wrong. There was the obvious way, just coming out and asking him,
or there was the less direct approach. Hopefully he would have his
questions answered tonight, although he hoped that their relationship
wasn't harmed in the process. If tonight went to plan, they would end
up making love. He only hoped the sex didn't change after he asked his
questions. He blushed, remembering how over the last six weeks or so,
ever since Harry had been released from sick bay, that the sex had
been more mind blowing than ever.

Before Harry's accident, the sex had been great. A few times he had
passed out under the sheer orgasmic overload. But since the accident?
Spirits, almost every other time he passed out now or came close to
passing out. A few times Harry had even come close to calling for the
Doctor. If that was one of the things he lost in finding out the
truth, then so be it. Having Harry complete and whole would be worth
it.

Entering Harry's quarters, he spotted Harry reading a padd on the
couch. His lover looked up when he heard the door close. Seeing the
beautiful smile that spread across Harry's face, he crossed over to
the couch, and took Harry into his arms for a long passionate kiss.

Caressing Harry's silky hair, Chakotay sought out Harry's tongue,
groaning when their tongues met and slid across the other's. Harry
reached up and caught Chakotay's head between his hands, holding him
in place while they kissed. Finally the older man pulled back.
"Hello."

Chuckling, Harry caressed the First Officer's moist lips. "Hello to
you too. Are you free this evening?"

Settling into the couch, Chakotay picked up the padd Harry had dropped
while he was kissing him. "Yes. Did you want to do anything in
particular or did you just want to stay here?" Because no one knew of
their relationship, they very rarely left their quarters. Chakotay
knew that when Harry felt more comfortable with what he expected the
crew's reaction to be, then they would come out in the open. The
Doctor was the only one who knew of their relationship and that had
only been out of necessity, when on one particular night, they had
gotten a little rough in their love making and the next day they had
to go to the Doctor to have some of the more serious wounds treated.

"I though we could stay here tonight. Have you eaten yet?" Harry asked
as he stroked his lover's hand as it rested within his.

"No I haven't. Why don't we pool our credits and have something really
nice? Add some wine and music, and the evening will be perfect."

Grinning Harry stood up. "Aye, aye Sir. Coming right up." Knowing
Chakotay's taste in food, he ordered a meal that they would both enjoy
from the replicator. Then he chose the wine and the music.

Chakotay watched his lover preparing their meal for a moment, then 
looked down at the padd he still held in his hand. Curious to know
that Harry  had been reading, he tapped the on button and began to
read. Several  minutes later the smile was gone from his face and now
he was more concerned  than ever. Oh Harry, why don't you tell me? He
thought as he looked at his lover who stood with his back to him.

"Tell you what, baby?" Harry asked as he set the knives and forks down
on the table.

Luckily Harry didn't see how Chakotay's head snapped up to stare at
him. After a moment he thought Why don't you tell me your secrets?

Harry stilled, his back to his lover. "What secrets are you talking
about?"

Where shall I start? Lets start at the beginning. Why do you go still
go to see the Doctor every day, even though it had been six weeks
since you were released from sickbay - eight weeks since your
accident? Does it have something to do with the fact that you only
sleep a few hours a night? And why do I sometimes come in here, and
you are just staring at the wall or out the window and it would be a
full five minutes before you notice I'm even in the same room? Why
have you increased the time you spend on the holodeck from one hour a
day to two and a half?

This hadn't been the way that he had wanted to ask these questions but
he couldn't stop asking them any more than he could his next question.
I want you to turn around and look at me when I ask this next
question.

Harry turned around and looked his lover in the eye. It was then that
Chakotay knew beyond a doubt that Harry was hearing every word he had
thought. Swallowing, Chakotay asked his last question. Harry, how long
have you been telepathic? Holding his breath, he watched Harry's
reaction to his last question.

First he frowned as if he was trying to comprehend the question. Then
his eyes shot down to Chakotay's lips and saw that they were still.
Then he looked up into Chakotay's eyes again, this time with the
realisation that he had just revealed himself to his lover. "Oh fuck."
He whispered before he dropped down to the ground.

Crossing to his side, Chakotay lowered himself to the floor beside
Harry who was rocking where he sat. "You've only become telepathic
since the accident haven't you?"

"Yes. No. God, this is so hard. When I was a child, I was telepathic,
among other things. But when I was eleven, I was involved in a
accident. When I woke up, all my abilities and gifts were gone. And
they didn't return. At least not until this accident." Harry lifted
his head and looked at Chakotay with a sad smile. "My parents were so
glad that my abilities were gone. They hated the fact that I was
different and in a lot of ways they resented me from changing from
their son to a child with these unschooled abilities. I think they
felt threatened and a little frightened about what I could do. But
after my accident, when we all realized that my abilities were gone, I
think they were happy, despite the fact that I felt incomplete and
lost. They didn't understand. That was almost as painful as losing the
gifts."

"What are these gifts? Abilities?"

"Well, at the moment I know for a fact that I am telepathic again.
You've just proven that. The main reason that I have been going to the
doctor every day, is that he can give me a suppressant that stops the
abilities from progressing too fast for me. If they all come back at
once, then they could become a liability especially when I am on
duty."

"The Doctor knows about this? And he didn't tell the Captain?"
Chakotay was shocked that the Doctor hadn't told the Captain. But then
again what could the Doctor tell the Captain?

"He couldn't tell the Captain. Patient Confidentiality. Anyway, I'm
fine. All I have to do is watch out for the warning signs and
meditate. Sometimes I have had to meditate while I am on duty but my
job has never been affected. As soon as it does, I'll take myself off
duty. The Doctor is keeping a close eye on my progress."

"So we now know you are telepathic. What other abilities do you think
will come back?"

"You name it, I've probably experienced it. I can hear people's
thoughts. I can see their memories. I can move objects with a thought
- no matter how big or small. I can start fires or turn something to
dust with a look. But that doesn't matter now. What matters is what
you are going to do with this information."

Chakotay was puzzled. "What I'm going to do with this information?
What do you mean?"

"Are you going to tell the Captain?"

"She doesn't need to know. Does she?"

"No. Not at this time. If you or the Doctor find that the Captain
needs to know, at any time, I want you to do so. Promise me this. I
don't want to endanger the crew if I my abilities put anyone at risk.
Promise me that you will tell the Captain if this happens." Harry
asked, squeezing Chakotay's hand tightly.

Seeing that Harry wasn't going to give up until he promised, he did
so, while knowing deep down that he would also do anything to protect
Harry. "I promise. Now, weren't we going to have some dinner?" Seeing
the grin that appeared on Harry's face, he knew he had said the right
thing.

---

Several hours later Chakotay was panting heavily with desire as he
thrust downward onto his lover's hard cock. Harry lay beneath him on
the bed thrusting upwards into him. Both gasped as Chakotay sank down
to the very base of his lover's cock, which considering Harry's large
size, was a hard feat to do. Groaning he threw his head back, blinking
the sweat out of his eyes. Feeling a light caress across both of his
nipples, he looked down. Harry was lightly stroking his nipples.
Looking deep into Harrys eyes, he leaned forward and took one of
the bewitching hands and raised it until he could take one finger into
his mouth.

Harry watched with dark eyes as his finger was caressed and licked by 
the commander's tongue. Chakotay held onto the ensigns hand as he 
sucked on the finger. Then Harry started to move his finger in and out
of Chakotay's mouth, sliding against the hot tongue. The feel of the
finger moving across his lips and tongue at the same time as Harry's
hard cock was thrusting in and out of him, was to much and he released
the finger and leaned down and kissed his lover.

Harry realized that his lover was close to orgasm and with a quick
movement, he rolled them until Chakotay was beneath him. Bracing his
arms on the bed to keep his weight off the commander, he thrust harder
into the body beneath him. Harder and harder still until they were
both sent over the edge. Pounding into the commander's body, Harry was
barely aware of Chakotay's shout of pleasure as he came all over
Harry's stomach and chest. Then Harry's world exploded into stars as
he screamed Chakotay's name.

---

With a shiver Harry woke up to find Chakotay staring down at him. With
a smile, he arched up and gave his lover a kiss. Relaxing back on the
bed, Harry decided to test his telepathy. Love you baby.

He couldn't miss the start that Chakotay gave or the shocked look that
came across his face. When his lover opened his mouth to question him,
he covered Chakotay's lips with a finger tip. Think it and I will hear
it.

Swallowing, Chakotay thought the words that were forever in his mind. 
I love you too.

Harry smiled his love back. "Hey, do you want to go to the holodeck? I
think that Sandrine's is running."

"What now? Together?" Chakotay was indeed surprised. Even though they
had been seeing each other for three months, they usually spent  their
time together in their quarters or by themselves's on the holodeck.
Never together in the company with anyone else. For Harry to want to
go out with him in public, meant that he was finally accepting of
their relationship and all it meant.

Seeing the hope in his lover's eyes, Harry gave him a quick kiss. "Yes
now and yes together. Unless you would rather stay here and do
something else. . ." Another long kiss. And another.

Pulling back, Chakotay took several deep breaths. "No let's go now
before you change your mind."

They quickly had a shower and got dressed. Chakotay stopped Harry by
the door before it opened. "Are you sure that you want to do this? I
will understand if you want to leave this for another night."

"No let's go tonight. Now or never." Hiding the impulse to run back
into the bedroom, Harry looked towards the door. "Let's go."

---

B'Elanna looked up as Harry walked in the door who was followed by
Chakotay. "Hey Starfleet, Chakotay. Do you feel up to a game of pool?"

Harry stared at her for a moment, then took the pool cue out of her 
hand and steered her away from the rest of the crowd. Noticing
Chakotay  heading towards the bar to get some drinks, he leaned closer
to B'Elanna. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that as soon as I walked through the doors I could tell that
you were upset about something. What is it?" Harry didn't tell her
that he had felt her emotions when he entered the room.

She sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Tom and I
broke up tonight."

"You broke up? Why?"

"Mainly because I realized that he wasn't in love with me. I mean,
sure he loves me but he isn't in love with me. And I couldn't keep
going on like that."

Oh hell Tom. What have you done now? "Are you sure that he isn't in
love with you? Tom can hide what he is really feeling pretty good."

She shook her head. "No, I even asked him if he was in love with me.
He couldn't answer me. So we decided it wasn't fair to either of us,
and we will now only see each other as friends."

"But you are also angry." Harry stated.

"Yes. I don't know, maybe I'm angry because he didn't fight me about
breaking up. We both know that he has been after me for years now and
I'm angry that he won't fight for our relationship." She sighed,
looking away from her best friend. "It wouldn't hurt as much if I
didn't already know that he is in love with someone else."

"What? Who? I don't think that Tom would fool around behind your back
B'Elanna. Even he wouldn't do that." Harry was shocked but not for the
reasons that B'Elanna thought. It was only three months ago that Tom
was declaring his lust for Harry. It had only been because of Tom's
declaration that Harry had approached Chakotay. Looking towards
Chakotay, he knew that B'Elanna wouldn't talk to him if Chakotay was
around. He sent a thought to his lover, seeing him give only the
smallest starts as he heard Harry's thought.  Chakotay, B'Elanna needs
to talk. Could you stay away until I say so? Trust me on this,
B'Elanna isn't ready to talk to you yet. He saw Chakotay give a nod,
agreeing to do as Harry had said.

"That's what makes this so frustrating. I have no idea who this person
is. I only know that one day Tom and I are friends and the next he is
coming on to me. I was flattered at first and it had been a long time
since I had been with a lover, so I didn't question his motives. But
being that close to someone, you notice when he is thinking of someone
else. I thought that with time he would forget about her and begin to
love me, but he never did."

Harry hoped that she didn't see the guilt in his eyes. He felt
responsible for the break up of her relationship with Tom but he
didn't know what to do to make it better. "I am sorry B'Elanna. If you
like I could talk to Tom."

She shook her head and squared her shoulders. "No but thanks. I know
that your own relationship with Tom isn't to hot at the moment either,
so I don't want you to do anything for me. . . Just be there for him.
Okay?"

"Okay." He gave her a quick hug and watched as she left the holodeck.
A few seconds later Chakotay appeared at his side.

"What was that about? She didn't look very happy."

"She and Tom broke up tonight."


"What? I thought that their relationship was going fine. What
happened?"

"B'Elanna said that she had finally given up hope that Tom would fall
in love with her. He loves her but not in the way she wanted. And she
couldn't take it any more." Seeing the concern in his lover's eyes,
Harry felt a touch of pride to know that this man, who was his lover,
was one of the most sympathetic and caring people he knew. "She also
said that she thinks that he is in love with someone else."

"Tom? In love with someone else? Spirits, no wonder she's upset. Does
she know who it is?" Chakotay had his own reasons for not liking the
pilot, one of them being that when Tom had found out that Harry had
began a relationship with someone so soon after Harry had turned down
Tom's suggestion to become lovers, Tom had said that he didn't want
anything to do with Harry. Even after Harry's accident, and with Tom
in a relationship with B'Elanna, Tom still hadn't apologized to Harry
for what he had said to him. And for Chakotay that was almost as
unforgivable as the actual words. But Chakotay never thought that Tom
would sink as low as to sneak behind B'Elanna's back with  someone
else.

"B'Elanna doesn't have a clue who it is. And I think she knows that
Tom didn't do anything with this other person. But that's not the
worst part."

"What could possible be worse than being in love with some one while
you are dating another person?"

Harry sighed. "I think that I am the person that Tom is in love with.
Or what he thinks as love. I don't know, I may be wrong. But we are
talking about a man who confessed his feelings towards me, kissed me,
and thought that I was going to say yes to becoming lovers. Then I
tell him no and to make matters worse, I tell him that I am in love
with some else. He accepted that, and I think that he even thought
that he might still have a chance with me. But then I tell him hat the
same night I said no to him, I told this other person how I felt about
them and that we had became lovers. Maybe I, we, underestimated his
true feelings. And now they are paying for that."

Chakotay accepted what Harry said with a nod. Looking Harry straight 
in the eye, he whispered his love. "I love you, and Tom isn't going to
take you away from me. I feel for B'Elanna and yes, I feel for Tom
too. But you are mine. As I am yours, and no one is going to change
that. Especially not Tom."

Seeing the love that poured out of his beloved, Harry sent a mental
picture and love to Chakotay. The picture, thought, was of the two of
them standing alone in a field of wild flowers and only looking at the
other with love evident with every breath they took.

Chakotay gasped as he saw the picture in his mind and knew that Harry
loved him to the depths of his soul. Although Harry had only told him
of his telepathic abilities a few hours ago, Chakotay knew by this
evening's actions, that he had better get used to seeing and hearing
Harry in his mind. He smiled back at Harry and was glad that the
corner that they stood in was dark enough that no one could see what
he was feeling. Soon after they retired to Harry's quarters where they
made passionate love in what they now considered their bed.

Only Tuvok, hidden in a corner of the room, noticed that they left
together and more interesting was the fact that he had detected that
they had been communicating on another level. But that wasn't logical,
as both the Commander and Ensign Kim were not telepathic. Or were
they?  Maybe he should investigate this matter further. With that
thought, Tuvok left the holodeck and headed towards sickbay to have a
talk to the doctor.

---

The next day Chakotay was reading a report from engineering in his 
ready room, when the door chime went. "Come in." He heard the doors
open and close and looked up to see to his surprise Tom Paris standing
in front of his desk. "Tom, what can I do for you?"

Nervously licking his lips, Tom looked at the floor. "I was hoping we
could talk Commander. If this isn't a good time, I can come back
later."

Surprised at Tom's hesitation, Chakotay grew concerned. He knew that
sometimes, when you broke up with someone, there was a delayed
reaction in accepting what had happened. Maybe Tom was regretting his
actions. He moved out from behind his desk and motioned for Tom to
join him on the couch. He might not like the man, but he was still a
member of the crew and a bridge officer. It was his duty to help Tom
in any way that he could, for the good of the ship.

Tom sat beside him and started to twist his hands together. Chakotay 
had never seen Tom this agitated before and he was silently starting
to  worry. "Tom what's the problem? Anything you say to me will go no
further than this room."

Tom shrugged and opened his mouth to speck but nothing came out. He
tried again, clearing his throat first. "You know how B'Elanna and I
were seeing each other? Well last night we broke up." He said in a
rush, as if knowing that if he didn't, he might never get to say it
out loud again.

Glad that Tom wasn't looking at him, Chakotay was silently thankful
that he already knew that the two of them had broken up or he could
have really goofed this up. "I'm sorry Tom. Was it a mutual decision?"

"Yeah it was. I mean, she ended it first but I know that it was the
right thing to do. At least now we can go back to being friends and
maybe she can find someone who will care for her like she deserves."

"You don't think that you loved her enough?"

"No, I love her. But I wasn't in love with her. And that's what she
needs. Someone who will love her before all else. I couldn't do that.
. ."

Chakotay had a feeling that he wasn't going to like what Tom had to
say next. "Why couldn't you love her?"

"Because. . . Because I think I am in love with someone else. But he
doesn't feel that way towards me."

Oh spirits. "Why do you think he doesn't feel the same way? Have you
asked him?"

Tom laughed. "Yeah I asked him. And he said thanks but no thanks. Then
I find out that he is involved with someone already. Maybe that's why
I pushed so hard to make this relationship with B'Elanna work. I don't
think I could have handled it if she had said no."

"And now?"

"Now I have forgotten about the other guy. Oh, I still think about
him, but not in the same way. I also think that I am beginning to
become attracted to another person."

Well at least he isn't thinking about Harry anymore. This could be
good. "Do you think that is wise? After all you just broke up with
B'Elanna. Give it some time before you do anything."

Tom shook his head. "If I have learnt anything about this, it is not
to waste time fooling around. That's why I'm here."

Uh oh "Tom, sometimes taking time is the best thing. You wouldn't want
to rush into things again would you?"

Tom shifted on the couch so he was closer to Chakotay and facing him.
"If I don't take the opportunity when it is there in front of me, then
I will always be alone. Maybe my relationship with B'Elanna was
teaching me to grab a bull by its horn's. In a way. But I have spent a
lot of time thinking about this and I know that it is what I want. I
have made up my mind."

I don't like the look in his eye. I hope he isn't going to do what I
think he is going to do. Hoping that Tom couldn't see what he was
thinking, he looked down at his hands. Then he felt Tom's hand under
his chin, lifting it up. He was barely able to look Tom in the eye
before Tom kissed him. He sat there stunned for a minute, feeling
Tom's soft lips caress his own. Then Tom's tongue came out and stroked
the slowly parting lips. Chakotay opened his lips to tell Tom no, when
the pilot's tongue swept across his lips and took possession of his
mouth, enslaving him to Tom's will.

For several minutes Tom kissed his senior officer speechless. Then
Chakotay remembered Harry and how much he loved him. Grasping  Tom's
hands where they rested against his cheek and chest, he pulled  away
from Tom's hot mouth. "Tom, no. We need to talk."

As if hearing the unspoken rejection, Tom placed a finger across
Chakotay's lips. "Shh. Don't say anything. Just think about it. That's
all I ask. Just don't say no before you've thought about it." He stood
up and walked towards the door. Before the doors could open he looked
back at a silent First Officer. "Think about it." Then he was gone.

Chakotay sat there for an hour, thinking about what Tom had said and 
more importantly the kiss Tom had given him. There was no way to deny
it,  Tom was an excellent kisser. He had even made him forget about
Harry for minute there. But he knew that he loved Harry and that he
couldn't or wouldn't jeopardize their relationship. There was no
problem as to what he would tell Tom. No, the problem lay in what to
tell Harry.

Oh, Harry would listen and offer his opinion on what to say to Tom, 
and that was fine. But Harry was also a very jealous and protective
man  when it came to anyone he loved. And his love for Chakotay knew
no bounds.  When he told Harry what had happened and he would, he
couldn't be sure what Harry would do to Tom. Yes they were best
friends and had been for years. But Tom had really damaged their
relationship with his inability to say he was sorry for what he had
said to Harry. And so he was worried about what Harry was going to do.

Checking the time, he saw that Harry would now be in his quarters, 
having just finished his shift. "Computer, location of Ensign Kim."

"Ensign Kim is in his quarters."

"Is he alone?"

"Affirmative."

Time to tell Harry.

---

Harry looked up when the door sounded. Seeing his lover, he crossed to
his side and took him in his arms for a long kiss. Finally he pulled
back and all the laughter and joy at seeing his lover was gone. "Tom
kissed you." He stated, not even asking.

Realizing that Harry must have read his mind he sighed looking Harry 
in the eye. "Yes he did. About an hour ago. He came to see me. He
started off by telling me about how he and B'Elanna have broken up.
Then he told me about how he was in love with someone else but then
that person said no. That's when he told me he was attracted to
someone else. And then he kissed me."

Still holding Chakotay within his arms Harry just nodded his head. The
Commander continued. "Before I had a chance, he kissed me. And then
before I knew what was happening he was leaving, telling me to 'Think
about it'. I think that I am still in shock. You won't do anything
silly will you. Tom is still your friend and he doesn't know about
us."

Harry smiled, and caressed Chakotay's cheek. "No I won't do anything
silly. But something has to be done about Tom. I would like to find
out just who Tom is in fact in love with though. Do you think you
could arrange for us to bump against one another? That way I can read
his thoughts and know exactly how to handle this."

"Sure. But do you have to read his thoughts? It is a little
underhanded and not to mention immoral."

Harry shook his head. "No. What a person says and what he actual
thinks are two different things. A person's thoughts are the only
thing that is from the soul. And yes, if we are to find out a way to
help Tom we have to read his thoughts."

"Fine. Lets help Tom. Before he goes and does something that could get
him hurt." Together they sat down on the couch and organized their
plan.

---

It was two days later that they were able to put their plan into 
action. They were walking along the corridor when they had spotted Tom
coming  in the opposite direction. Continuing their talk about a
engineering  project of B'Elanna's they managed to make Tom bump into
Harry. They  said they were sorry, and Tom used the opportunity to rub
his arm against Chakotay's as well as giving him a pointed look.

Chakotay managed to stop the gasp that threatened to escape his lips,
and he watched as Tom walked away. When he turned back to Harry, he
saw the shocked expression that Harry was wearing. Seeing that the
corridor was empty he grabbed his lover's arm and dragged them into
the empty holodeck. "What? What's is it? What did you see?"


Takng a deep breath, Harry shook his head. "Baby, not only is Tom
still in love with me, but he is more than half way in love with you
too. And he has dreamed of the both of us together making love to him
and to each other. He's given up on me, but now you are firmly in his
sights. You are unattached and he thinks you kiss almost as good as I
do. Oh god, what are we going to do now?" He cried out, shocked to the
core by the strength of Tom's feelings towards them.

"Simple. We come up with another plan." Chakotay offered.

---

The End