The BLTS Archive - Their Cragged Path
by Bats (BatsRGr8@aol.com)

---

Viacom are the owners of all things Star Trek - Although I know that
they will have more fun with me. I shall return them when I done... 
this of course could be as late as next century.

---

Julian laid his head down into folded arms, fear gripping him now
that the danger had passed. For the first time in a great long
while he was forced to examine exactly how he felt. When at one
point, the possibility of losing Garak had become a very real
possibility, Julian had been so terrified of truly losing his
Cardassian friend, that the wash of emotions that he found
himself experiencing was so tumultuous that he had to shut that
part of his head and heart. It took him to Tain, the monster that
had the implant inserted in the first place. He had gotten the
answers he needed to save Garak, only because that monster wanted
Garak to suffer some more.

It was at that moment that Julian had decided that Garak would
not be alone as Tain had hoped. He would become a better friend
and…Julian hesitated in his thoughts, and in that minute
hesitation, allowed the wash of emotions locked away to flood his
being. He had to face that he felt a great deal more than
friendship and wanted more than friendship. But, why, oh, why
would a worldly, experienced being such as Garak see an
inexperienced human as a romantic interest.

Julian sat straight up, poleaxed at his own thoughts, romantic.
That was a lot more than simple desire. He hadn't entertained
those thoughts with any of the females that he's been with in a
very long time. How did that happen? Julian thought on Garak, a
Cardassian, a tailor, a spy. Yes, all that, but actually so much
more. Educated, sharp, an extraordinary conversationalist and
mixed in with this was a tender side that was rarely exposed.
There was also the fear and aloneness that Julian could empathize
with, something that tugged at his inner core.

There was also respect, not that he thought Garak actually
respected him, but he had treated him with respect from the very
beginning. Something the command staff had not. Yes, it was
possible at times that he was a tad arrogant, but he had been
right. The inspired conversation that challenged his intellect
always kept him coming back for more. That was the one place he'd
always felt equal with Garak. He knew that he had challenged
Garak many a time.

Garak acted like a mentor and Julian despaired that the
Cardassian would not see him in a different light. But he had to
try, the anguish that Garak had revealed gave him a peek into the
lonely world Garak suffered alone. Not anymore, not if he could
help it.

---

How could he have been so foolish. Oh what he had revealed?
Hopefully he had confused him with enough different tales, but he
feared that the dear Doctor was bright enough to see through some
of the tales.

Garak wasn't even sure he remembered all of what he said, all he
did. He did remember telling Julian he hated him, but the doctor
probably wouldn't have figured that for the lie it was. He had
tried to choke Julian, oh not to kill him, just to silence him.
His truths were unpalatable at the time he heard them. But it was
possible that the doctor didn't know that either.

He was open, exposed, the worst a Cardassian could be. When he'd
acted like a strong Cardassian, he had hurt Julian. He had
sneered at the doctor, but in the moment of decision, Julian
stayed, where a Cardassian would not. Doctor or not. The foolish
man went to Cardassia and braved Tain himself, not realizing the
danger he was in. Then and still. Tain must now realize that the
Doctor knew more than he should.

Odo had questioned him relentlessly since his recovery. But at
the end of the last secession, he had revealed that the Doctor
refused the Security Chief any access to the Cardassian during
his recovery. Julian had protected him too. Odo had left with
more questions in his eyes. He hadn't been able to understand why
the human doctor would protect a suspected Cardassian spy. Garak
didn't know either.

He wished he didn't have to see Julian again, but just the
thought ripped his guts out. He didn't think he was strong enough
anymore to resist the lure that Julian was. Garak wasn't sure
that he could handle seeing hate and disdain in those lovely
hazel eyes.

---

Julian pushed the chime of Garak's quarters. He had not come to
the infirmary today and Julian was not going to let a day go by
that he did not see the tailor. He pushed the chime again. The
door opened.

On the couch, Garak lay with blanket on him. Julian rushed to his
side. "Garak, are you ill again?"

"No, Doctor. Just tired. You woke me." He hadn't of course, but
Garak wanted the Doctor to go.

"I am sorry, Garak. I was so worried when you did not come to the
infirmary, I had to check." He ran the tricorder and only noted
the accelerated heartbeat. "How about some juice?" Julian smiled
down at the Cardassian.

"I can take care of myself, Doctor." Garak said harshly.

The man felt insecure, but the doctor had a job to do, the doctor
won out and pushed the issue. "Your system was depleted and it
will actually be several weeks before you are fit as a Cardassian
again. If you come to the infirmary you won't have to suffer my
presence in your quarters." Julian hope that the last part didn't
sound as needy as it did to his ears. To distract himself, he
looked around and saw no evidence of food. "Garak, when did you
last eat?"

"I had soup about an hour ago." He picked up and sipped the juice
that Julian had handed to him. He threw his legs to the floor, but
kept the blanket on him. He put his Cardassian face on and looked
up at the doctor, "I am sorry that I caused you concern. In the
future I will come to the infirmary to save you the bother."

"You aren't a bother Garak." Julian cleared his throat and took
his glass to the recycler, afraid his face might share too much.
"I'll leave now, but I will see you tomorrow." The Doctor didn't
make eye contact, just nodded and left without waiting for
Garak's reply.

The doctor chastised himself all the way to his quarters. He'd
practically drooled on the man. Luckily, Garak was tired or he
would have asked pressing questions. Jules, my boy….. where the
hell is your poker face. Oh, that's right he didn't have one. So
he had to hide behind the Doctor mask. This he could do.

Oh, but seeing Garak laying there, all the fear of losing him had
rushed to the surface and he had just wanted to gather the man in
his arms. Doctor. I am Dr. Bashir. That's how I deal with it. But
that didn't stop the dreams.

---

He saw Dr. Bashir. But that is all he saw. Julian had retreated
behind his doctor status and nothing else peaked out. Garak had
thought that the night that Julian had come to his quarters, he
had heard something in his voice, saw something in his eye, but
he must have been mistaken. The good doctor was probably hiding
his contempt behind the doctor veneer.

The Cardassian hated to admit it, but he missed his friend.

The Doctor looked like he was finished with what he was working
on so Garak made his presence known. "Ah, Doctor. I had a
customer that took all afternoon and I wanted to save you the
trip to my quarters." Garak thought he caught a hurt expression
cross Julian's face but it was gone so fast even he couldn't be
sure.

Bashir replied without actually looking at the tailor, "I would
have called first. I know you don't want me in your quarters."

"I just wished to save you the trip." Garak thought he detected a
path.

Julian turned around, an odd expression on his face, "Garak, you
made it plain the other night that you didn't want my presence in
your quarters. I will abide as best I can."

"Doctor, you must have confused something else with my tiredness.
I merely wish to save you the extra trouble of having to wait on
me."

Not willing to argue, Julian just nodded his head. "Okay Garak.
Whatever you say." He picked up his tricorder and checked all of
the Cardassian's vitals. "You seem to be fully recovered. A
couple of more days and you'll be released."

Something was really bothering Julian. He always argued with him.
It must be that he was truly disgusted by what he had learned
about him, and the things he'd said. He just nodded his head and
left. Julian was lost to him.

---

With Garak fully recovered, Julian had no excuse to see Garak
everyday. Sometimes he would stand on the fringes of Quarks and
watch the Cardassian eat a meal, just to see him. It seemed that
the things he'd said during withdrawal were in fact his true
feelings. Julian felt like he had a big hole in his heart. He
turned and walked back to the infirmary.

---

Jadzia Dax was tired of seeing Dr. Bashir. She wanted to see
Julian again. She traced it back to Garak. She knew that the
tailor had been sick, and Julian had been very concerned that he
would die. Since then, Julian wasn't around, just the doctor. She
figured she'd have to talk to Garak.

Did she think she was meddling? No. Just helping out a friend.
She sat across from the tailor.

"Lieutenant, what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

"Nothing really, just wanted to sit and have lunch with you." Dax
answered.

Garak sighed, "Lieutenant, we both know that you wish to speak
about the good doctor."

Jadzia shook her head, the Cardassian was too observant by far.
"What's wrong with him?"

"What exactly do you mean?" Garak asked.

"Garak, if you knew I wanted to talk about Julian, then you must
know why." She was almost frustrated.

Garak shook his head, "I don't know. I thought it was just me."

Dax sat back in her seat, thoughtful, putting things together.
"No. We all only see the Dr. Bashir. Julian seems to be
gone…….Why are you two not having your customary lunches?"

The Cardassian squirmed on the inside, but outwardly showed
nothing. "After my illness, the Doctor hasn't resumed them."

Dax paused, sighing inward at what had become so obvious. She
laughed mentally at herself, well maybe having 12 different
lifetimes to draw on does help. To Garak she said, "Was it not
you that initiated the lunches between the two of you?"

The Cardassian nodded.

"Then, maybe it's that he thinks you don't want to lunch with
him?" She posed gently.

The Cardassian tailor sat silent for several moments. "What does
lunch have to do with the Doctor's behavior?"

"He thinks you're his friend."

"Cardassians do not have friends."

"Except Julian. He is your friend." Jadzia smiled as she left the
table, leaving the tailor to his thoughts.

---

Garak watched as the Doctor looked for an empty table. Miles
spoke to him but Julian shook his head no and continued
searching. After finding a table on the fringes, he sat with his
tray and ate without conversation. The Cardassian steeled himself
for being rebuffed and moved ahead.

"Is this seat taken?" Garak asked.

Julian looked up at the voice and half closed his eyes. "No, it
isn't."

"May I?"

Julian put out his hand, "Please."

"I believe that Quark has eliminated some of the Cardassian
selections." Garak started out with a familiar complaint.

"Quark doesn't think enough people eat Cardassian food." The
Doctor rejoined with the expected answer.

"Obviously he doesn't have good taste." The Cardassian hated
himself for enjoying the warm feeling that stole through him at
Julian's voice.

"When has Quark ever had good taste." Julian smiled.

---

What resumed as once a week, built up to several days then to
almost everyday. Julian would rush to Quarks or the replimat,
lunch was the highlight of the day. The went back to literature
and music and Julian lived for the argument. Garak's eyes would
sparkle like days of old and Julian could almost believe that
Garak enjoyed himself.

Always lurking just below the surface were the feelings that
Garak wasn't there for pleasure, but some other Cardassian
reason. But Julian would convince himself that he didn't care.
Just being with Garak would have to be enough.

Julian sat at Miles' table as he could see that the engineer was
done with his lunch and he never lingered after a meal.

Miles noticed Julian looking around. For the Cardassian no doubt.
He stood up and couldn't resist a parting shot, "Julian, don't
you take your doctoring duties a bit far. You don't have to spend
all that time with the Kardi to make sure he's okay."

As Miles move away, just behind stood Garak and he obviously had
heard Miles' comment. He looked at the doctor coldly and hissed,
"I don't need your pity, Doctor." He put his tray down on the
closest table and walked away.

Julian got up immediately and couldn't see Garak anywhere. He
went to the shop. Garak was already there behind his counter.

Garak turned and reacted from his pain, "I'm a Cardassian, I
don't need a Federation doctor thinking that he can save me. You
feel sorry for the older man. Think he is past his chance in
life. I don't need an innocent child to pity me."

Julian blocked off all the words except the word pity. He stomped
up to the Cardassian, beautiful even in anger. "Pity," he yelled.
"Pity…….does this feel like pity?" He grabbed Garak's hand and
pressed it to his crotch. He pressed it into the obvious erection
there. Then he dropped the Cardassian hand and moved quickly
away, adding, "Excuse me. I just didn't want you thinking that
pity had anything to do with the time I spent with you."

The Cardassian, unable to believe that any positive emotion
motivated that erection, called after him, "You want to
experiment with a Cardassian? Why not the one you saved from near
death. He should be beholding to you and you could have your fill
of curiosity."

Julian looked at Garak, the soul gripping pain evident in his
eyes.

---

Garak had closed the shop and made it back to the refuge of his
quarters. After he had secured the privacy lock he fell to his
knees as sobs racked his body.

At the look in Julian's eyes Garak knew he had made a mistake.
Never had he seen such agony. All the interrogations hadn't
delivered a look such as Julian's. Even as he watched Bajorans
die, he had never seen that look. He might as well driven the
dagger through the doctor's heart, then his own.

---

Julian made it back to his quarters. Numb, he just felt numb. He
was afraid to let himself think, afraid that his heart would be
destroyed. He had so wanted the words that Garak had said in
withdrawal to be the lies, but they weren't. Now there was
nothing.

He got a bottle of Kanar from the replicator and sat on the
floor. He wanted to get drunk and figured he's start where he'd
end up. He threw back three glasses before the emotions hit, then
the glass slide from his hand and shattered as it hit the floor.
Much like how his heart shattered. He was a young, stupid fool
that just had his heart broken. Why'd he ever think the
Cardassian would care for him or even really want him as a
friend. A weak Federation human.

Garak had nearly died when the wire had stopped working and
Julian had found it hard to cope with that, what was he to do
now. He crawled to the corner by the couch and said aloud,
"Lights off."

His thoughts didn't go away with the darkness, it just felt like
it was where he belonged, in the dark, alone. And he was alone.
He might be human, he might be Starfleet, but he was alone. Garak
had bridged that loneliness, befriended him, made him look
forward to their meals. Now it would be worse. All he would know
was the loneliness.

But it was as he sat vigil over him, that his mind had faced the
deeper feelings….now nothing, not even friends. How could he
think I wanted to sleep with any Cardassian? Julian's thoughts
jumped around, rambled. Empty. Raw. Alone. The tears fell.

Ring! Ring! The door chime sounded. Julian heard it as he woke
and realized he must have dozed off. "Time?"

"One forty."

Julian heard his door lock begin an override, "Computer, block
override." He heard the block and another override. He walked to
the door in the dark and stepped on the shards of glass. In pain
he growled out, "Block again."

"Unable to comply." The computer announced as the door opened.
Garak stood at the door.

Julian turned defeated, "Go away." He walked in the glass again
as he returned to his corner.

Garak ignored him and entered. As he heard his own feet crunch he
called out, "Lights."

"Belay that, no lights." His voice vacant. "Go away, Garak."

"I need some light Doctor. There is something broken on the
floor." It was the lunch voice that spoke.

Weary, beaten, crushed, Julian said softly, "Go away, Garak."

Garak's heart twisted at the defeated tone. "I need to speak with
you."

The dejected tone made the words that much harder for Garak to
hear. "Go away, you've said enough hurtful things. Enough for six
months, come back then."

The voice was so final sounding. Julian had pulled himself far
away, and the Cardassian felt the last vestiges of hope drain
away. He had lost him. Garak turned to leave, at the door, he
turned back one last time and using the light of the corridor he
searched the room for the human. He located a huddled, dejected
form in a corner.

The pridefull Cardassian knew at that moment, that if he left he
would destroy something he actually wanted very much. He couldn't
leave without talking to Julian. He stepped further in and the
door closed. He could he the quiet sobs coming from the corner.
He moved to where the doctor was and sat across from him.

He heard the intake of breath as Julian realized that he was not
alone. Garak talked into the darkness. "When I was a young man, I
was assigned to fetch a Gul's daughter from a tiny village. The
villagers took one look and disliked me. Never asked why I was
there, just threw rocks and other objects at me. My father has
never acknowledged me, and as a member of the Obsidian Order, I
was feared and hated. I am not tolerated by my own people. I am
not tolerated by alien people. How could I believe that another
could actually care without some other motive."

Garak knew that Julian listened as he had controlled his
breathing. "Is any of that true?" A sad voice asked?

"Yes, it's all true, but I'll deny it." His hand contacted some
sticky stuff that smelt like blood. With an urgency in his voice,
"Lights, fifteen percent."

Garak saw the blood on Julian's feet and picked the doctor up
despite his protests and took him into the bathroom. He washed
the cut feet and dried them with a towel. Julian remained
listless throughout. He carried him to his bedroom and laid him
on the bed. Garak sat on the floor by the bed, even as it made
him uncomfortable. Julian rolled on his side, away from Garak.

Garak was afraid, truth seemed his last option. "Today, what
Chief O'Brien said hurt me. But I'm a Cardassian so I get angry.
Then I thought you mocked my feelings for you and I lost my
temper. Julian please talk to me." Pleading as no Cardassian
would. His torment plain in his voice.

Julian didn't move, but did speak, "You thought I mocked your
feelings? What feelings?"

Garak squirmed and as if connected, Julian rolled to face the
Cardassian. He started on this path of truth, "My feelings for
you."

"The smug, sanctimonious face that you hate." The hurt naked in
his voice.

"Out of all I said, why pick the lies to believe. I was raw and
exposed. You see too much as it is, I had to push you away."

"Those lies were easy to believe." The voice said plainly.

"Always. The truth is usually unpalatable." Garak said sadly.

"So what is the truth?"

"I don't hate you. I do like lunch with you." Garak said
truthfully, but it was just a safety net.

"Okay, fine you don't hate me." Julian rolled away again.

Fear gripped Garak and he laid it on the line. Cardassian style.
"An older man took a liking to a younger man and if found out,
people would talk. The younger man had an important job and
scandal could ruin him, so the older man did nothing. Then the
younger man helped the older man and started spending more time
with him and the older man doubted the motives. Why would he
choose to waist time on an old nothing. Then he heard a coworker
confirm his worst fears. The older man had no reason not to
believe the hurtful words. None."

"You are not an old nothing." Julian said as he rolled back
again.

Garak started to deny that the story was about him, then stopped,
more truth instead. "The older man did a most terrible thing."

"What?" was whispered.

"He fell in love with the younger man even though he knew it was
hopeless. That it couldn't be returned. And he would gladly
settle for friendship, but he ruined that chance too."

"What if he didn't?" Julian asked, some life in his voice.

"Didn't what?" Garak asked, holding his breath.

"Didn't ruin his chances."

"He would be very grateful." Oh, his heart started beating again,
he could still see Julian each day.

"What if it wasn't hopeless?" Julian asked.

"He'd cherish the friendship." He figured Julian wanted
clarification.


Julian sat up and moved so he was facing Garak, "It isn't
hopeless, Garak."

Garak's heart stopped and then continued in triple time as the
word order came back to him. He sucked in his breath, could he
mean that? "Julian, I love you more that a Cardassian loves his
homeworld."

Life rushed back into Julian, "Oh Garak, I love you too." Neither
could say who leaned into the other first, but they were in each
other's arms. Lips sought and claimed the other's in a soul
searching kiss.

The need for air had Julian breaking the contact and he looked
into the bright blue eyes. He saw doubt, then it was quickly
masked. Julian sighed and laid his head on the Cardassian
shoulder.

"Why is it so hard to believe I love you?" Julian asked simply.

The voice told the stark truth, "Nobody has before."

"I do." Not said with intense passion, not said as a plea. Just a
straight forward response. "I do Garak. I know some of your
horror, I know a few truths, I know a lot of lies. You've done
things I don't want to know about, and all that doesn't matter.
Because it doesn't take away the man you are now. It made who you
are now and few actually see it. But I do, you are gentle and
caring and I love you."

Garak slumped forward as the tension drained away and he leaned
into the soft human body. The human wrapped his arms around the
Cardassian and pressed him close. He wanted to believe so very
much, he put his arms around Julian's waist and hugged him back.

Garak loved the smell of Julian, the musky, earthy scent made his
blood hum and he kissed the ridgeless neck, the smooth jaw and
captured the soft lips. Julian returned the kiss measure for
measure. When Garak broke the kiss, he found them lying side by
side on the bed. He looked into Julian's face and murmured,
"Beautiful." Julian stiffened in his embrace. He rolled on top of
him and looked down into closed eyes, "Doctor?"

Beautiful, he'd heard that before. He'd felt like a prize on many
an arm, including his parents. In his clinical voice, "My beauty
will fade. What happens when you tire of me?"

Hazel eyes opened and held the same fear he'd had, now he looked
down into eyes that had convinced him of their love, now he had
to do the same. "Your physical beauty is all and more that one
could dream for. I look forward to exploring it. But it's your
mental beauty that's bewitching. Not even on Cardassia had I met
any that could challenge me as you have. There's no predicting,
always surprises. There is nothing to tire of." Garak watched as
the fear left the expressive eyes and in its place was only love.
"You love an old man."

"You are not an old man." The doctor's voice stated.

"I'm fifty in your human years, Julian ,you're thirty."

"You're intriguing and sexy, you're multi layered and smart, I'm
never bored," he looked up into blue eyes that wanted to believe.
He emptied his soul into his eyes and transferred it all to
Garak. "I love you, don't doubt that Elim."

His breath stilled, his name on those lips, he closed his eyes.
He opened them and still the hazel were there, sharing his life
in a stare. "In your eyes I see I can't." He leaned and pressed a
gentle kiss on lips that spoke of love.

The kiss did not remain gentle as their long denied desire took
over. They kissed and nibbled, explored the scales and hair,
ridges and smoothness. Delighting in their differences, learning
how to pleasure the other, loving each other's uninhibited
responses.

Julian growled and flipped the Cardassian over and hastily undid
the hidden clasps to his tunic. He moved his hands all over the
gray chest, loving the textures beneath his fingers. He dragged
his tongue down the path his fingers took, all stopping as they
encountered the dark nipples. Fingers on one, tongue on the
other, the Cardassian body quivered and trembled. He sucked and
flicked and the now erect nubs, blossomed and grew twice there
size. Julian blew softly, eliciting deep growls and a quaking
body beneath his. He grabbed hold of the neck ridges as his
tongue traveled downward.

Julian wanted to take his time, to learn every scale, but the
scent of the Cardassian's arousal was so intoxicating that he
rubbed his face in it. The sensual human gesture was something
that Garak had never experienced before and was nearly his
undoing.

"Julian." The deep, throaty sound was hardly recognizable as
Garak's.

The human looked up and grinned at the Cardassian just before he
plunged his mouth on the engorged shaft. It felt as though he was
being devoured and Garak loved it. He writhed from side to side
in profound delight. It wasn't the hard pounding of a Cardassian
coupling, but it was just as passionate and amid all the
exquisite sensations, he felt loved. He bucked as Julian sucked
forcefully and set an intense rhythm and Garak lost all his
control and virtually exploded into the moist human mouth. When
he thought the spasms were through, the human squeezed his
testicles and began a second wave of ejaculations. He shouted
Julian's name as the last seed burst out and he collapsed. He
captured the human enchanter in his arms and held him close.

Softly, so softly that Julian had to strain to hear, Garak
whispered, "Never have I felt like that. Never have I yelled a
lover's name."

Knowing how unCardassian that was, Julian treasured the
revelation from his lover. "This is just the beginning, my lover,
my love."

Garak held him closer, feeling Julian's rock hard erection
against his thigh. He sucked and nipped an earlobe. "Your turn
now." The growl promised heights.

"Oh, yes," he purred as he locked onto eyes that loved him.

---

The End