Archive of Our Own ^beta

Author's webpage: http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci/

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. That's all I have to say.

Love Trouble by J.C.

"Ellison."

"Hey, Jim. It's me."

"Yeah, what's up, Chief?"

"I need your help, man. It's my car..."

The smile that had automatically formed on Blair's face when Jim had answered the phone fell away at Jim's next words.

"Sandburg, I'm working on a murder investigation, here."

"You're doing paperwork, Jim. The investigation is done, man. And seriously, the Volvo--"

"Look, I wanna wrap this up. This isn't the time for...games. I'll see you at home later."

When the click sounded in his ear, Blair mumbled, "Yeah, love you too, man," and turned to kick the tire of his beloved car, which at that moment finally stopped spewing smoke from under its hood. With a sigh, he picked up his bag from the ground beside him, and dropped his cell phone inside it. Actually, it had been months since he and Jim had played that 'car trouble' game, and after almost a year and a half as lovers, Blair was thinking that they were having some very real troubles. With a shrug to settle his bag on his shoulder, he turned up the collar on his coat, and headed up the street towards the bus stop.

+++++

Blair uttered a stream of curses, the hot words forming puffs in the cold air. It was freezing, and he had just realized that, since it was Sunday, the buses wouldn't be running as often as on weekdays. He started to call Jim again, but dismissed that along with the idea of begging any of his friends for a ride. Better to be alone...and think. And foremost on his mind was Jim.

There had been a time when a call citing trouble with a car would have had both their hearts racing. Of course, that was because it had long since ceased being truly about needing a ride...not one that involved a vehicle, anyway. Blair shook his head... he still couldn't believe that, a year ago, Jim had gotten him to fool around in Simon's office, of all places. The idea of it had had them both so keyed up that just giving Jim a blowjob had been more than enough to make the experience worthwhile.

The last time they'd played that game had been a few months ago at the university. An empty hall that Blair had been readying for an upcoming lecture. Him lying on top of the table that was at the front the room, feet flat on the surface, knees spread wide while Jim sucked him off. Then, him riding Jim's dick with considerable enthusiasm while Jim was sitting in one of the front row seats.

Somehow, though, everything had changed. And as exciting as those outrageous moments had been, that wasn't what Blair missed. Jim had seemed to withdraw over the last months, and sometimes Blair felt his absence as a physical ache. Even when they were together, it was like Jim was elsewhere, and that included making love. They did it, and it was good, but Blair could tell the difference. A rift had grown between them, and Jim's reaction on the phone was just another indication of their recent state of affairs.

And an hour's wait in the cold for a bus was enough to drive home to Blair how far apart they had become.

+++++

By the time Blair had gotten off the first bus, waited for the second, gotten off that bus, walked the six blocks to the loft, and climbed the stairs to the third floor, (the idea of actually waiting for an elevator seemed oddly unappealing), he had worked up a good head of steam. The past few hours had only raised more questions, not given him any answers about what was really going on. His frustration at that had given way to the fear that maybe things wouldn't work out. In trying to force back those depressing thoughts, he had ended up just plain mad.

'Damn that close-mouthed, repressed jerk, anyway,' he thought as he unlocked the door to the loft. And slammed it shut when he saw Jim just...sitting there.

Jim was on the couch reading through some files, and he looked up with a frown at the sound of the door shutting with a loud bang.

"Thanks for nothing, man," Blair said, the words huffing out angrily as he dropped his bag on the ground.

"What's your problem?"

"You could at least have swung by and picked me up. I didn't expect you to just drop everything to give me a ride, but damn, Jim."

If he hadn't been so pissed, Blair might have thought that the rapid changes that took place on Jim's face were actually funny. He could tell the exact moment that Jim finally got the picture.

Files spilled to the floor as Jim stood. "You mean...your car..."

"The Volvo was smoking, Jim. I told you--"

"I thought...I mean...I wasn't... Shit. I didn't know you were really stranded."

"Yeah, whatever."

Blair hung up his coat, then carried his bag over to the table, taking out his cell phone to charge it up. He was trying to ignore a little voice in his head that was telling him to rebel against those obviously Jim-influenced acts, and wasn't aware that Jim had approached him until he felt a touch on his shoulder.

The soft "I'm sorry" made Blair turn around.

"Forget it, Jim," he said with a sigh. "I'm just tired. The Sunday bus schedule sucks. I'll call Iverson from the PD motor pool tomorrow and have him go down and take a look at the car. He still owes me a favor. So, don't worry about it."

"Um...how about you take a shower, and when you're done, come upstairs and I'll give you a rubdown?"

"I have a better idea...why don't you come get in the shower with me, and we'll rub each other down?"

"No, you said you were tired. Go shower. I'll heat up something for you to eat," Jim answered, turning away from Blair as he spoke. "You haven't had dinner, right?"

Blair stood for a few seconds, watching his lover's retreating back, hurt spreading like a stain inside him, even washing away the traces of anger that he had been harboring. Then, he turned away himself, suddenly needing the warmth that a hot shower would bring.

+++++

Feeling refreshed and slightly revitalized, Blair came out of the bathroom, only to find the loft dark except for a light in the kitchen. Jim had left him a plate of food, and then, evidently, turned in for the night. Despite himself, Blair looked up towards their bed, though in the low light and without his glasses, he couldn't see much. He lifted the cover off of the food, and even the sight of one of his favorite meals didn't make him want to eat. Instead, he put the dish away in the refrigerator, and pulled out a beer. Only to put that back a minute later, unopened, before walking slowly up the stairs.

When Blair slipped in under the covers beside Jim, he wasn't surprised that Jim didn't turn to him, but it still stung. That was the way it had been the past week...Jim staying to one side of the bed, and he to the other. But as he settled himself, he determinedly faced in Jim's direction, anyway.

"Hey." It was a barely a whisper, but of course it wouldn't escape Jim.

"Yeah?" Jim's voice was quiet as well, but he didn't sound at all like he was on the verge of falling asleep.

"I'm not mad at you...but are you mad at me?"

Jim rolled over onto his back; his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. "No, Chief. I'm not mad."

Blair could feel the emotions swelling inside himself. He wanted to throw off the anger, toss aside the hurt, until there was just the love left between them. The need for that was so strong that he didn't even realize that he had reached out until he was touching the side of Jim's face.

"Then, can we kiss and make up?"

Jim went completely still for a second, and then rolled over towards Blair. Their lips met, and just that initial contact was enough to fire sizzling energy along Blair's nerve endings. And when Jim pushed him back, covering him with familiar weight, all he could think about was getting them out of their boxers, getting skin to skin, getting Jim in him. It seemed like so long ago since the last time...

But before he could make any progress along those lines, Jim broke off the kiss.

"Feel better?"

"Yeah...I..."

"Good. 'Night, Chief." Turning his back to Blair again.

Blair fought back the impulse to push Jim out of the bed and onto the floor. "Okay, Jim. Out with it."

"Out with what?"

"Look, I don't know what's going on, but it seems obvious that you're not happy. In fact, it's been a while since you've seemed really happy. I've been trying not to overreact, but--"

"But nothing, Sandburg. There's...nothing to worry about."

"No, there's something, and not to sound paranoid or anything, but it has to do with me. You seem fine everywhere else, but when it's just us, when we're alone, when we're... Just tell me. What did I do?"

Blair thought it was very telling how grateful he felt when Jim turned to face him. Even if it was just to silently stare at him. He was almost startled when Jim finally did speak.

"You...gave me...freedom, Blair. Freedom...to be me, I guess. I don't like to think about how I'd be without you."

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. What's the problem?"

There were a few more minutes of charged silence, and Blair realized that this time Jim wasn't going to answer.

"You know, I've tried not to let it really bother me that you joke about having to keep me satisfied so that I'd stay with you, but you weren't just joking, were you?"

Jim plopped back down on his back again with a loud exhale. "Chief, you bring this...positive energy to everything you do. You helped me with my senses, helped me with the whole Sentinel thing. You got me to take a look at what I'd been keeping inside about...wanting men, and made it easier for me to deal with that. You made me see myself as an okay guy...not some 'freak'. And you make me want you so bad that I don't even think twice about screwing you all over this city. I've just been thankful that so far I could keep up with that level of intensity that you give off. But, I don't know...."

"Jim, if you think I'm sticking around because you let me suck your dick in Simon's office or because we gave a seat in a university lecture hall a hell of a workout... I mean, tell me, Jim. Is that what you think that I'm about? Is that what you think you need to worry about to keep me here? That whole 'car trouble' game started accidentally. I loved it, I thought it was hot that you seemed to want me that badly, but if it's just some weird plan cooked up out of your desperation and insecurity, then, I'm so not flattered, man."

"I didn't know what to do..."

Blair reached one hand out, touching Jim's balls lightly through the blanket, caressing them gently.

"I love making love to you. Sex with you, I don't just feel it here..."

His fingers followed the line of Jim's cock, squeezing it gently.

"...I feel it in here."

His hand moved up until it settled over Jim's heart.

"Every single time, Jim, no matter when, or where, or how. So, sex is not the problem...or the answer."

Ignoring the change in Jim's breathing, and the stiff length trapped beneath the covers trying to make itself known, Blair drew his hand back, and was rewarded with Jim again speaking up.

"Yeah, I know. But, you just...slipped into my life...into my job, my home...my bed. Going deeper and deeper. How long before you get in far enough to see that there's just not much to me...and start to slip away?"

"I'm not fucking around here, Jim. I love you. I've never felt this connected to anybody in my life. This rooted. I don't know if I even have the words to make you understand how much I want this, but you don't have anything to worry about."

Blair stopped, trying to keep his voice calm, and searched for a way to make Jim see.

"You remember when I met you? This average, ordinary grad student with a jones for tribal watchmen actually meeting a living, breathing Sentinel? You know how badly I wanted to get to know you? Study you? So badly that I faced down a big, tough cop who literally pushed me up against a wall. So badly that I tackled you and let a freaking garbage truck run over top of me. And when I did get to know you, became friends with you, that was even better."

Blair tangled his fingers in the sheets, resisting the urge to touch; his eyes focused on Jim's chiseled profile.

"Your friendship was so important to me that I jumped out of a plane...over a jungle. I gave up an opportunity that other people I know would have killed for, gave up the chance to work with one of the greats in my field. And that's still nothing compared to being in love with you, and hearing you say that you're in love with me. To being your lover and having you in my life that way. You think I slipped in? Hell, Jim. I jumped, man. I've been jumping all over you since the day I met you."

Blair swallowed, trying to keep the words from getting caught in his throat.

"I know you love me. I know you trust me. So just--"

Without warning, Jim grabbed him, cutting him off with a fierce kiss. But it was a kiss that gave as much as it took. Blair's heart pounded, and he didn't fight it. He just tried to give what Jim was asking for, and take what he himself needed.

Just as suddenly, Jim broke it off again, but he didn't let Blair go. Instead, he pulled Blair tighter against him, his ragged breathing a heated whisper in Blair's ear. "I've never needed anyone this much before."

"Me either, Jim, and I'm not going anywhere, and, man, I've missed you."

Jim pulled Blair on top of him, aligning their bodies so that movement and friction would produce the best results, and kissed him again. It was almost like their first kiss, Blair thought. Though that had been in the front of Jim's truck and had taken them totally by surprise. But the intense need and desire, the tangled emotions of crossing some line, changing what they had...

Jim's hands were on Blair's ass, in his hair, and moving everywhere in between while they kept up an almost frantic bump-and-grind as Blair held on.

Hungry lips stopped kissing Blair's mouth and moved on to other areas equally receptive to the attention. Sucking on the pulse in Blair's neck, licking along the outside of his ear, biting a tingly line to his shoulder...

"Jim..."

"Chief..."

"Jim, wait..."

"Chief..."

"Oh, shit, Jim."

"Fuck, Chief."

It was probably no more spectacular than any other orgasm between the two, especially considering that they hadn't even gotten naked, but it felt like it hit at least a 6.2 on the Richter scale to them both.

"I'm sorry, Blair."

"For what? Making the top of my head explode with just a kiss?"

"No, for...leaving you."

"Yeah, that sucked. Pull away from me before I can pull away from you, right?"

"I guess."

"I can't give you absolutes, Jim. You can't give them to me, either. But I don't plan on going anywhere. I'm where I want to be. I know it was different in a way...no dating or anything, just bam--Ellison and Sandburg become Ellison and Sandburg. But, I don't have a problem with that. Do you?"

"No."

"So, how are you doing?"

"Better. Much better."

"And?"

"And I love you."

"And?"

"And I'm sorry for the mix-up earlier about your car."

"And?"

"And this is where I want to be too, for as long as you can put up with me."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And I just wanted to see how long you'd keep coming up with answers. That was pretty good for an uncommunicative bastard, like yourself."

"You know, I love you despite your tendency to be a smartass."

"Nah, one of the many reasons you love me is because I'm a smartass."

"Anything you say, Chief."

"That's my boy."

"So, what now?"

"Well, I'd like to get out of these boxers. It's like not being able to get out of the wet spot."

"No, I mean...what now."

"We're good, Jim, right?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"Then now, we just move on. And the next time I call you for a ride, pay attention."

"Okay."

Jim rolled them over, stripping off both pairs of messy underwear, then took off his tee shirt and wiped them up as best he could. He looked at the clock, trying to decide whether to wrestle Blair downstairs for a shower, or let it go until the morning.

"Chief."

"Yeah?"

Blair was feeling incredibly relaxed...and cold, so he pulled Jim closer, trying to soak up some secondhand heat.

"It's uh...Valentine's Day. I didn't...with things... Well, what do want and what do you want to do?"

"What do I want? I want us to be okay. What do I want to do? I just want to be with you."

Dismissing the idea of a wet, soapy Blair in favor of not wanting to let him go just yet, Jim replied, "Well, that seems to be covered, so Happy Valentine's Day."

"You too, Jim."

Jim finally started to let his body unwind...anticipating that drift to unconsciousness with his arms full of the comforting presence of his lover.

"Hey, Jim..."

"Hmmmm?"

"I think...I could use...a ride..."

+++ THE END +++