Author's webpage: http://www.wn.com.au/firefrog/senwarn.htm

Author's disclaimer: A whole bag of chocolate coins was consumed during the writing of this story. Be warned.

Author's notes: Thanks to Kelly for being my ever cheerful beta and Waldo for his hints. Warnings: Use of stereotypes. Use of a foreign language by a non speaking writer. Key to words at bottom of the page.

Ghosts Of Yentas Past.
By Fire Frog.

It was Christmas holidays, and Blair was waiting for his lover to come home. He had a party for them to go to, and a special present planned for when they got back.

As he waited, Blair flicked through the Dickens book he had got at a garage sale the other day. As the pages turned, the book grew heavier and heavier. Blair's eyelids went lower and lower, until they closed, and he was asleep. Asleep on his sofa, in the safety of their loft.

"Well, would you look at this! B'xayai! What a ragamuffin, and he with a husband to keep, no less!"

Blair's eyes shot open. There were three old crones at the end of the sofa, dressed in peasant costumes. And...why were they wrapped in washing lines? With pegs on them?

"Um, how did you get in here?" he asked, drawing his knees up to his chin. Something about them made him feel like a defensive eight-year-old.

"How did we get in? Look at this place - such a balagan - it practically forced us in." sniffed the oldest crone.

"There's ironing to be done, the ice box needs defrosting, and the state of that oven! Are you nothing but a klumnik?" crone two, with the hardest eyes, snatched an empty milk carton off the side table and shook it like a club.

"And where's the food you should be preparing for the working man of the house? A nice hot meal is what he wants when he gets home, not the sight of some schmooze with his feet up on the couch!" the third, beady eyed, crone snapped.

"Hey, I'll have you know Jim likes me on this couch!" Blair straightened defensively.

"Walla? Well young one, let me tell you, sex won't hold him forever! Before you know it, kuku, middle age." Crone one smiled evilly.

"Libido will start dropping off." Sang crone two happily.

"You'll both have flabby belly's and dimpled thighs," crowed the third one, rubbing her thin hands together. "What will bind you together then, hey?"

"House work." Intoned crone one.

"A thrifty nature." Lectured crone two.

"Cooking." Growled crone three.

"I cook!"

"Phah - you call that cooking?" One almost ran out of room on her face, the sneer was that big. "Lettuce and bean sprouts. Ixs. He needs real food, something you have to spend time preparing. Something with lard in it. And dumplings."

"And take a look at yourself." Crone two approached him and poked at his chest. "Sa'ir. You plan to seduce him wearing all that flannel? Tidy yourself up a bit, shave, shine your shoes."

"Cut your hair."

"Lose the earrings."

"Workout."

"Wake up."

"Huh? What - Jim!" Blair threw himself into his Sentinels arms.

"Chief? You Ok? Looked like you were having a nightmare."

"I was. Jim, tell me strait." Blair leaned back and gripped his lover's forearms tightly. "Have I been slack with the house work?"

"What?" the image of the time Blair 'helped' with the polishing flashed through Jim's mind, and he hurried to reassure his lover. "No, no Blair, you do just fine. No need to do more. But...we do still have that hamper issue..."

"Ok, Ok - how about when I cook, you like my cooking?"

"Well, I know you have my best interests at heart - what's this all about?"

"What about the way I look? Jim, do you find me attractive?"

Jim looked at his wild-eyed lover. His glasses were hanging off one ear, obviously forgotten, the top flannel shirt was buttoned up crooked and there was a mysterious green smudge above one eyebrow.

"You look hot baby. I could do you right now." His cock gave a hopeful leap, and Jim felt a low growl start in his throat.

"Great! Then let's party!" Blair grabbed Jim's head and kissed him, before springing up and away. Sighing heavily Jim readjusted his arousal. After several years together, he was beginning to get used to Blair Sandburg and his moods. There would be no 'reaffirming their bonds' just now, but later...

Blair headed up to the bedroom, after first stopping to toss some book in the trash can. He quickly came back down with two lengths of wide ribbon and started twinning one around his body. Jim looked at his bit of ribbon, then over at the industrious Blair.

"What happened to our elf costumes Chief?"

"Well, I figured you wouldn't want to get dressed up in dusty clothes after such a long day and...remember what you said about the green dye? It was true."

"Oh."

"So now we can go as candy canes instead!" Blair smiled brightly, and headed for the door.

"Blair."

"Yeah?" Sandburg turned puppy dog eyes on his partner, and the big goon's heart melted. "Come here, you've got some schmaltz on your face." Using a hanky and some spit, he wiped off the green dye mark over his friends eyebrow.

"When we get home," Blairs voice was low and promising, "I've got something special planned." He kissed Jim's lips tenderly, before pulling away and dashing down the stairway. "Hey, by the way, Jim." The younger man's voice came back to him as he struggled to lock the door. "I think the ice box needs defrosting. And the stove could do with a clean."

"I'll get right on it Chief."

"I love you man."

"I love you too, Sandburg. I love you too.

Oh My.

Key.
B'xayai = In my life I've never seen anything like that!
Ragamuffin = scruffy.
Balagan = mess.
Klumnik = worthless person.
Schmooze = laid-back person.
Walla = really?
Kuku = peek a boo.
Ixs = yuck.
Sa'ir = hairy.
Schmaltz = smudge.
Yenta = town match makers and busy bodies.