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Everything I Do, I Do It For You

Copyright © Carlito

Note: Hi everybody, this story could be a missing scene from the episode 1.5: "Cypher"... What could have happened while Jim was searching for Blair and Blair was taken hostage by David Lash?... I would like to thank Maria (nothing would have been possible without you) and Ruthie so much for their wonderful and hard job in beta reading it for me and for turning this story into real English... because I'm French-speaking. Enjoy your reading... TYK...

Rating: NC-17.

Pairing: Blair/Jim, Blair/Lash (rape)

Song Lyrics, Episode related.

Warning: This is a Rape, m/m, slash, Drama, Romance story... It contains m/m sexual graphics and rape descriptions. Please, do not read if you are under the legal age and/or are offended.

Summary: When Blair is raped by David Lash, Jim and Blair have to deal with the aftermath...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story (unfortunately), they belong to Pet Fly Production, Paramount Network Television and UPN. I just borrow them for our enjoyment and will give them back later... much later... when I'll have an epiphany... I do not own either the song used in this story, it is called "Everything I Do, I Do It For You", and belongs to Bryan Adams.

Everything I Do, I Do It For You

by Carlito

Blair left the club, came back to the loft and locked the door. He was extremely nervous because he was sure he had seen Lash at the club.

"Whew. Just relax. Relax. Oh, man, just calm down. Whew."

Blair breathed deeply a few times. Suddenly he heard a noise and saw a shadow. He started to lock the windows. Then, he picked up the phone and called Jim.

Jim was at the gym, lifting weights and didn't hear his pager.

Meanwhile, Blair was still in the loft, watching by the phone, hoping it would ring.

"It's okay, it's okay. Ring! Come on, please!"

Suddenly, the door burst inward and Lash rushed in.

***

Blair and Lash struggled and fought for quite a long time. Blair was throwing objects at Lash, trying to escape. But Lash hit Blair with a chair and he fell unconscious to the floor. David Lash shot Blair with tranquilizers, carried him into his car, and headed towards his abandoned warehouse.

Lash arrived at the abandoned building, got out of the car and walked around to the other side. He opened the passenger side door, lifted Blair on his shoulders and carried him into the warehouse.

Lash lay Blair on the ground, tied him up and put a yellow scarf in his mouth to gag him. After a few minutes, he patted Blair's cheek, rose to his feet and took a few steps back. Blair opened his eyes in a flash and looked around, trying to remember what had happened.

"Hello sunshine," whispered Lash huskily, kneeling next to Blair and caressing his cheek.

Blair flinched as he felt the ropes biting into the skin of his wrists. He started to panic, frightened by what he saw in Lash's eyes... lust... David Lash wanted him... //Oh, Shit//.

Lash pushed Blair onto his back and held him still with his left hand pressing firmly on his chest. He slid the fingers of his right hand along the slant of Blair's throat, moving to his Adam's apple and pressing it with the tip of his index finger.

Blair gasped and attempted to shake his head, but Lash cupped his face with his right hand and bent over him. He nuzzled Blair's neck, sniffing him.

"Um, you know you smell really good, hippie boy? Especially now that you're afraid... That's exciting, huh?"

Lash drew his tongue along Blair's neck, leaving a wet trail from collarbone to ear. Blair shivered in horror and tried to push Lash away from him, but Lash was holding him strongly with his left hand. He started to suck on Blair's earlobe, pulling on the silver loops, then kissed his way down to Blair's Adam's apple.

He started to suck on the bobbing lump, biting it, and marking it with a bright red hickey. Blair's guts twisted inside him and he felt like throwing up. Lash started to kiss and lick Blair's face, tasting and exploring his forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, cheek, jaw, jawbone... every bit of Blair's face. Then, Lash bit Blair's chin and sucked hard.

Blair struggled again, trying to push Lash away with his knees, but Lash was stronger due to the drug that was still in Blair's system. Lash continued kissing Blair's neck, sucking and nibbling the tender skin. He slid his right hand along Blair's torso, then slid his fingers below his blue sweater.

When Blair felt Lash's fingers on his skin, he jumped, desperately trying to move away. But Lash pursued his exploration. He slid his fingers along Blair's belly, then dug one fingertip into his bellybutton. Blair felt his strength abandon him, the drug was still too powerful. He wasn't strong enough to fight Lash. Blair let his head fall back and closed his eyes... //If only I could drift back to sleep.//...

Lash slid both hands beneath Blair's blue sweater, pushing it up below his armpits. The sweater slid along Blair's back, between his leather jacket and his skin. The cool fabric and Lash's fingers on his body gave Blair goose bumps.

Lash bent his head, kissing Blair's belly and nibbling it. Blair swallowed hard and wanted to scream, but the gag prevented him from doing that, and all that came out was a moan. Lash lifted his eyes and stared at Blair.

"You like that?" he whispered against Blair's skin.

Blair shook his head furiously, but Lash was already back to kissing his belly. He ran long, hot wet licks along Blair's skin, and then dug his tongue into his bellybutton. Blair closed his hands into tight fists, praying for Jim to hurry.

Lash nibbled, kissed and licked his way up, following the thin path of hair on Blair's stomach. He reached a dark patch between Blair's nipples, nuzzled into the soft hair and moaned deeply.

"You taste so good, you know. I want you bad... I'm gonna make it good for you."

Then Lash plunged his mouth onto Blair's left nipple. He closed his lips around the little nub and licked it. Blair jerked in disgust... but what repulsed him even more was Lash sliding his left hand between his thighs and grabbing his balls.

Lash pulled on the ring, sucking roughly on the nipple. Then, he started to lavish the other one. He sucked on it, biting it hard. Blair jumped and attempted to scream... a scream that was turned into another moan because of the gag. Lash lifted his eyes and mumbled around Blair's nipple.

"Oh, yeah, you want more."

He started to unbutton Blair's jeans and slid his hand into his boxers... and Blair's tears began to run down his cheeks.

//Jim... Oh, Jim, please... Jim, where are you, man?... Jim...//

Lash pushed Blair's sweater further up and bit harshly on Blair's collarbone. He closed his fingers around Blair's completely soft cock and started to stroke him, still biting and sucking his skin. Lash kissed Blair's neck, sucking and biting the tender skin, creating a second hickey on the young grad student's throat.

Lash finally released Blair's neck but his relief was all too brief... He started to shove Blair's jeans and boxers down to mid-thigh, revealing his soft cock.

Blair groaned in protest.

"What's wrong, baby? You're not hard?... Don't worry, I'll take care of that," said Lash.

And Lash plunged his mouth onto Blair's cock. He held it with his right hand while engulfing it, and slid his left hand between Blair's thighs, cupping his balls.

Blair bit hard into the gag and shouted something Lash didn't understand.

"JIMMMM... HELPPPP... MMMMMEEEE..."

//Oh Jim, please... please... Jim, help me... Please...//

Lash was busy working on Blair, sucking him, massaging his balls and stroking him.

Suddenly, Blair's penis hardened. He couldn't believe it... it was the most disgusting thing he had ever felt, and he was getting harder. He couldn't understand the manner in which his body was responding to Lash... It was like as if his body and his mind were disconnected and functioned as two different entities. It disgusted Blair even more.

Lash sucked him harder, massaging his balls fervently and stroking him faster... All of a sudden, as in his worse nightmares, Blair's cock throbbed lightly and jerked shyly into Lash's mouth. Blair didn't feel anything. He was aware he had come because he heard Lash's moans of satisfaction.

Blair wanted to die, horrified by his body's betrayal.

Lash released Blair's soft penis and smiled proudly, licking his lips.

"Mmmm... You know you're delicious, pretty boy... My turn now."

Blair's jeans and boxers were still down on his thighs. When he saw Lash unzip his jeans, he panicked, his eyes widening in pure fear and horror.

//Jim, please... Jim... Don't let me... Please, Jim, I need you...//

Lash opened his jeans and pushed them down along with his boxers. He was completely hard and already leaking. He was close. He grabbed Blair by the shoulders and pulled him to a seated position. Blair closed his eyes and turned his head away. But Lash cupped his face, removing the gag from his mouth. Blair started to shout.

"Leave me alone, you fucking freak! Don't even think ab..."

Blair's words were cut off by Lash's hand.

"Now, listen to me, my little hairy Blairy... I'm gonna remove my hand and you're gonna suck me... No, no, no! Don't even try to bite me 'cause I am the one with the gun here. But first, I'm gonna taste that wonderful mouth of yours."

Lash stepped back and grabbed a gun from the table. Removing his hand from Blair's mouth, he bent down and pressed his lips against his closed mouth. Lash started to kiss Blair, licking his upper lip, nibbling it and biting it. Then he went for Blair's bottom lip. Blair didn't move, his mouth was still sealed with fear and disgust. Lash pushed his tongue strongly against Blair's lips and forced them apart. When Blair didn't respond, he stepped back.

"Now, open your mouth! Remember, I have the gun."

Lash bent down again and pressed his lips against Blair's. When Blair didn't respond, Lash pushed his tongue further between Blair's lips, pressing the gun against his temple. Blair gave up and opened his mouth, but refused to respond to Lash's kisses. Lash pushed his tongue deeply into Blair's moist cavern, tasting and exploring him... licking his palate, his tonsils and his teeth... sucking on Blair's tongue.

Finally, he pulled back and breathed deeply.

"Whoa! Wonderful... Now..."

Lash took his cock in his left hand and held it in front of Blair's mouth. Blair turned his head away.

"NO!" shouted Blair.

"No?" echoed Lash. "You want a hole in that pretty head of yours? No, huh? Then suck me!" ordered Lash.

Lash pushed the gun harder against Blair's temple and pressed his cock against his lips, forcing them apart.

"Remember... you bite me and I'll blow your head away!"

He pushed hard causing Blair's jaws to part. Blair closed his eyes and thought about Jim... desperately trying to forget Lash fucking his mouth, his left hand clenched in Blair's hair and thrusting frantically deep into his mouth.

Tears were running down his cheeks as pictures of Jim and him passed in front of his eyes... when he first saw Jim in the hospital room... the first time Jim came into his office... when he had held him up against the wall... when Jim had introduced him to Simon... when he had watched a movie with Jim and Larry... when he had moved in with Jim... when he had prepared breakfast for Jim...

He was lost in his memories of Jim and the moments they had shared together... //Jim... I don't want to die like this... Jim, c'mon, man... Oh my God, please... Jim... Jim...//

He suddenly heard Lash groan above him and felt something disgusting, hot, sticky, distasteful, repulsive... on his tongue and against the back of his throat... and he realized Lash was coming, shooting his sperm deep inside his mouth.

"Urghhhhhhh, mmmmmphhhhh, oh yeahhhh..."

Blair tried hard not to swallow. Finally, Lash pulled away and slipped out of his mouth.

Blair turned his head away quickly, spitting the semen out and throwing up. His body was convulsing, and he was bringing up everything he had inside of him... and even more.

Lash looked at him and smiled.

"Whoa, that was fucking good. You didn't like the taste, huh?... I guess you don't do it often to your pretty boyfriend?" laughed Lash.

Blair stared at Lash.

"You, bastard, you..." yelled Blair.

"Shhhhhh, shut up. Just answer me... You don't do it to your pretty boyfriend, then?"

"Jim and I... we're not... we're not..." babbled Blair, feeling the distaste of Lash's sperm mixed with the sour aftertaste of what he had just thrown up.

"So, you're not lovers? I must be really lucky, then... I'll be the one who fucks you first."

Blair's eyes and mouth opened wide in pure panic.

"NO! You can't! You, fucking bastard. When Jim finds you, he'll kill you."

"Maybe... But I'll already have fucked you, my pretty Blairy."

And before Blair could protest, Lash put the gag back into his mouth.

***

Lash pushed Blair onto the floor again, lying him on his belly. He grabbed some lube from the table. He kneeled and pushed Blair's jeans and boxers down to his ankles. Blair was shaking from fear. He had never been with a guy before and his first experience would be a rape.

Blair had wanted his first experience with a man to be with Jim... He had fallen in love with Jim the first day he had seen him at the hospital. Falling for Jim was like getting hit on the head by a piano plunging from the tenth floor... Blair Sandburg, the guy who had always dated women and never would have thought it possible to become attracted to a man... had fallen in love at first sight with an ex army ranger, a cop, Detective James Ellison.

From the first time he had saw Jim, he had known that they were soul mates. He felt complete the moment he met Jim... it didn't matter that Jim was a man... Blair knew it was Jim that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Blair had dreamed of making love with Jim from the first day he had met him. And he would be happy to give Jim his *virginity*... his first time with a guy at least... but now... now, everything was over...

Blair's thoughts were cut off when he felt Lash's cool and sticky middle finger slide inside him with one thrust between his buttocks.

He screamed around the gag and bit hard, tears rushing from his eyes from the pain. Suddenly, he felt a second finger join the first one and thrust deep inside him. He felt the pain stabbing him again, as his muscles fought against the intrusion.

He was trying desperately to push Lash away, but was only making it worse. Lash started to thrust his fingers in and out of Blair's body. Suddenly a third finger joined the others and Blair thought his body would explode from the pain... but it was only the beginning.

//Jim... Jim... Jim... Oh, God, Jim, where are you?... Help me, man?... Help me, please... Jim...//

When Lash grabbed Blair's soft cock and started to pump it hard, Blair thought he would die. The pain stabbing his ass and the constricting grip around his cock were stinging and excruciating.

This time, Blair's body didn't respond to the stroking causing Lash to become angry.

"You don't like that, my little Blairy? You're not getting hard? Oh, maybe you're waiting for me to fuck you?... Well, babe, I'm ready for my second round, so..."

Blair froze, his internal muscles tensing and clenching around Lash's fingers.

"Mmmmmm... No, no, no, wait, pretty boy, wait before doing that... I'm ready..."

Lash pulled his fingers out and released Blair's cock. Blair heard the noise of more lube being spread... //Oh, shit, he's putting lube on his dick... he's ready... shit... Jim, oh Jim... Please, don't leave me alone... Jim...//

Blair felt the pain rushing through his entire body as Lash lay heavily on his back and slammed inside him with a long, hard thrust. It was as if he was being ripped in two. The pain was unbearable. Blair closed his eyes and sank deep into a dreamland, a land where he and Jim were happy, working together, living together, making love together...

Lash was pounding deep inside him, thrusting hard, fast, deep... pumping Blair's soft cock roughly, making him hurt even more. Lash had pushed Blair's sweater and leather jacket up again and was biting his shoulder harshly, digging the fingers of his free hand into Blair's back... scratching him, bruising him.

Blair was surrounded by pain, fear, despair, disgust... still hoping for Jim to arrive. After what seemed like an eternity, he felt Lash shiver and bite his back hard, almost piercing his skin. He felt Lash's burning sperm rush through him.

"Urggggg, oh shit, you're good... uhhhhhh... you're fucking good..."

Lash slipped out of Blair and buttoned himself.

"Wow, pretty boy... You're good you know... I've never come like that before."

Lash kneeled down next to Blair and started to put his clothes back on. When he reached Blair's ass, he saw the blood between Blair's buttocks and on his balls.

"Oooooh, you're bleeding, my little hairy Blairy. You really were a virgin, huh? That's a shame for your pretty cop."

Lash put Blair's jeans and boxers on, turned him on his back and buttoned him up. He sat Blair back up, pulled him to his feet and lifted him onto his shoulders.

***

Meanwhile, Jim had seen his pager with his number followed by 911. He had rushed back home to find an empty, completely destroyed loft.

Jim had called Carolyn to find out more about the water, but she had found nothing. He had then rushed back to Susan Frasier's apartment and found a feather in the bathtub.

He brought the feather to Carolyn and asked her to break the seal on the water samples. At first, she had refused but Simon had given his authorization and so she did it.

Jim had sniffed the water and discovered it smelled like duck waste. He had come to the conclusion that Lash had drowned his victims in a duck pond, so Carolyn started to search for the possible duck ponds where Lash could be hiding with Blair.

***

Lash carried Blair down a staircase, placing him in a dentist chair. They were in some kind of relics room, with candles lit everywhere and personal belongings from his victims.

Seeing the strange room caused Blair to freak out as he realized what it was. Lash saw Blair's shocked gaze.

"I'd like you to meet my friends. I only have four of them now, but there will be more. You know, friends are, like really easy to make, dude. There's, uh... Adam Walker. He was really easy. He didn't struggle at all. But I guess it's 'cause he was really stoned. And then there's... Billy Bright. Bright... he was not. But I... overlooked that because, man... 'Cause he had talent. Oh... then there was sweet Susan."

Lash slid drumsticks along Blair's cheeks, down his throat to his chest, caressing him erotically.

"She had really good taste in cars, but that hair, those clothes? I mean, what was the girl thinking? You know... I think my finest hour... was getting up into your partner's face. But now... it's time for hairy Blairy and the beautiful... china doll."

***

Jim, Simon and Carolyn had searched for the duck pond, finding a few and examining where they were located. Jim had picked one... the actual one which appeared to be located in the middle of the old warehouse and abandoned building district. He rushed out, climbed into his truck and sped towards the warehouse, followed by Simon in his car and backup teams.

***

Lash was putting a brown, curly haired wig on his head, attempting to look like Blair.

"Yeah, this is going to really be fun. You have a wicked sense of humor. You know... Kind of hip... With a touch of the nerd. All in all, man... Quite a piece of work."

***

Meanwhile, Jim had arrived at the warehouse with the other cops. He searched for Blair... listening for his Guide's voice. He was afraid something had happened to Blair. He had always felt something strong between them... but had always thought it was friendship... until Blair had disappeared a few hours ago.

It was when he saw his phone number followed by 911 that his heart began to beat faster. When he had come into the loft and found it empty and ravished, it was then that he realized he was in love with his roommate. It had taken him by surprise since he had never been attracted to a man before... but the feelings he had when he found Blair was missing weren't the feelings of a friend... but the feelings of a lover...

In fact, Jim had never felt this way before; he had never been so afraid in his entire life...

He was listening, searching for Blair when he finally heard his beloved Guide's voice, first muffled and then more clearly, as if a gag had been removed. Blair was attempting to argue as well as reason with David Lash.

***

Blair had decided that he had to gain control over Lash. He had to forget the rape for the moment, ignore his fears and talk to Lash, allowing Jim more time to find him.

Blair began yelling at Lash, and when he saw Lash become angry, he started to talk to him about his past.

Jim could hear his Guide, could hear him tell Lash what he knew about his mother, his brother, his little duck Omer... he could hear Lash losing his temper and completely switching his personality... he could hear Lash trying to force Blair to drink something, probably some Trichloroethanol...

Jim rushed into the warehouse and found them. Lash was bending over Blair and had forced him to drink the Trichloroethanol. Lash's lips were moistened as if he had kissed Blair. Lash wiped his lips and looked at Jim. Jim wasted no time in attacking David Lash, and they fought violently. When Lash raised a large piece of wood attempting to hit him, Jim fired his gun 5 times, killing Lash instantly.

***

Jim rushed back into the room where Blair was tied up. He quickly untied him. Blair was shaking and breathing harshly.

"Chief? Blair? You okay?" Jim cupped Blair's face and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Oh, Jim, I knew you'd come... I knew you'd come," gasped Blair, resting his head on Jim's chest.

Blair slid his arms around Jim's neck and held him tightly. Jim put his arms around his Guide's waist and hugged him firmly. Then, he slid the fingers from his right hand through Blair's soft curls, damp from sweat.

"Shhhhh, it's over, Chief. Everything will be okay," whispered Jim against Blair's ear.

Blair looked up into Jim's eyes.

"Is he..."

Blair couldn't finish his question.

"Yes," reassured Jim.

"Thank you, Jim."

And Blair laid his head back on Jim's chest again, his entire body shivering.

***

They lay like that for a few more minutes before Simon arrived.

"Sandburg! Oh, thank, God," said Simon, approaching the Sentinel and his Guide, still in each other's arms. "You, okay, Blair?"

Blair turned to look at Simon, and Simon saw the fear, the horror and the relief in Blair's eyes.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Simon," stammered Blair.

"You need to go to the hospital, Blair," insisted Simon, knowing his proposition would be refused.

"No, Simon. No hospitals. I'm fine. All I want is a good warm shower to.... to... and go to bed."

Blair was shaking harder now, but only Jim noticed it, feeling his Guide's body pressed tightly against his own, shivering helplessly.

"Well, I guess nothing can change your mind, huh?" Simon smiled shyly.

Jim wanted to get Blair to the hospital but decided to let it go in front of Simon. He decided to wait until they are in the truck.

"He'll be okay, Sir. I'll take him home and look after him," reassured Jim.

"Yeah, I'm just a little shocked, Simon," said Blair, not meeting Simon's eyes.

"Well, then... See you tomorrow, guys. We'll need to fill out the report and... uh... Blair, I'm sorry, but... we'll need your deposition, you know..."

"It's okay, Captain. We'll be there at 8.00 am."

"See you tomorrow."

And Simon left them to each other.

***

They disentangled and walked outside, saying nothing. Once in the truck, Jim clenched the steering wheel with both hands and couldn't start the truck. Jim knew exactly what had happened... he could smell it... he could see it in Blair's eyes... The muscles in his jaw clenched, he couldn't stand it anymore, and he needed Blair to talk about it.

"Chief... Blair..."

"Not now, Jim, please. Let it drop," Blair cut him off while gazing out the window, purposely avoiding looking at Jim.

Jim was feeling nauseous... he could smell the fear, the faint remnants of Blair's semen, of lube, of... of Lash's semen on his Guide's body... in his sweet breath... The idea of Lash touching Blair, hurting him... made Jim sick and he had to fight desperately not to throw up. He gulped and swallowed repeatedly to repress his gag reflex.

"No, Chief, I can't. I can't let it drop. I perfectly know what he did to you."

"Look, man, I tell you, I'm fine. I just wanna go home," said Blair.

"Oh, no, Chief. We're going to the hospital. You need to be examined by a doctor. You can have internal injuries or something even worse. I'm taking you to the hospital now!" said Jim, determinate.

"No! Jim, I'm not going to the hospital under any circumstances and if you keep forcing me, then I'll leave... I'll just walk away and never come back, man," said Blair, his voice breaking.

Jim was angry and hurt but knew how much he loved Blair and he was afraid to loose him.

"But Chief..." started Jim, very softly.

"Jim, I need you more than I need a doctor," cut Blair in. "I need someone I can trust and who will stand by my side no matter what I chose to do. And if you can't do that, then maybe it would be better for me to leave," said Blair, looking Jim pleading.

Jim was torn between doing the right thing and doing what Blair wants him to do. He decided to do what Blair wanted because he loved Blair.

"Okay, Chief. I'll do whatever you decide to do. If you wanna go home, then we'll go. But you'll have to see a doctor tomorrow."

Jim started the truck and the drive to the loft was made in silence.

***

Finally arriving at the loft, Jim parked the truck and they rode up the elevator. Jim noticed that Blair was walking with difficulty and that he was still shivering. He laid a hand on his Guide's shoulder to assure him that he could trust him, but Blair flinched and pulled away. Jim let his hand fall back against his side and felt the pain stab his heart.

They exited the elevator and Jim opened the door. When Blair stepped inside and saw the loft in complete chaos, he turned to Jim, his eyes filled with tears.

"Jim... I'm... I'm sorry."

Blair looked down to his shoes, afraid to look at Jim. Jim crossed the short distance between them and placed his hands on Blair's shoulders. Reaching out a hand, he cupped his Guide's chin and lifted it up so their eyes met. Blair didn't move away this time.

"To hell with the loft, Chief. The only thing that matters is that you're alive."

Blair smiled sadly and gazed into Jim's eyes, then looked away.

"I... I'm gonna take a shower man."

And Blair disappeared into the bathroom. Blair knew perfectly well that a rape victim shouldn't take a shower so as not to wash the evidence away... but since Lash was already dead, there was nothing more they could do. So, Jim, clenching his jaw, allowed Blair to wash away the traces of that bastard.

Jim heard the shower, but below the sound of the running water, he could hear Blair crying, and it tore him apart even more. Suddenly, the crying stopped and he heard a loud *THUD*. Rushing into the bathroom, he saw Blair lying on the shower floor... he had passed out.

Jim knelt under the shower taking Blair into his arms. The water was still running and his clothes were becoming soaked but he didn't care. He caressed Blair's hair, sliding his fingers along his Guide's cheeks, trying to wake him up. With his other hand, he reached out and turned off the water.

"Chief?... Blair?... Can you hear me? Please, Blair, wake up... Chief, please..."

Blair opened his eyes blinking a few times, then he looked up into Jim's eyes. It was at that moment that Jim saw the blood on the shower floor.

"Blair, you're bleeding. God, Chief."

Blair placed his hand on Jim's biceps and looked away, not able to face Jim.

"Jim... I... He..."

Blair couldn't finish his sentence, his voice faltered and he started to cry.

"I know," was all Jim could say.

Jim reached out and grabbed his bathrobe, wrapping it around Blair, and holding him tightly as he started to cry.

It was the first time Jim had allowed himself to completely let go... they were tears of hatred against Lash for what he had done to Blair... tears of joy for having Blair back alive... tears of fear for Blair's sake... tears of love...

They remained on the shower floor in each other's arms, crying... crying for what seemed an eternity.

***

Finally, Blair fell asleep in Jim's arms. Jim moved slowly, not wanting to wake him. He stood up, lifted Blair into his arms and carried him upstairs. He lay Blair on his bed, covering him with the comforter. Sitting next to him, Jim stayed like that, watching over Blair while he was sleeping... monitoring every breath, every heartbeat, every tremor, every moan, every shudder... every tear...

Blair slept for about an hour when he suddenly had a nightmare. He was sweating and moaning, his breathing labored, his heartbeat speeding up, while his body shivered and trembled.

"NO!... NO!... STOP!... PLEASE!... NO!... JIM?... JIM?... JIM HELP ME... PLEASE...JIIIIIM..."

Jim took the trembling body of his friend in his arms and tried to wake him up gently.

"Shhhhh... It's okay... I'm here... I'm here, Blair...Shhhh... It's over... It's over honey..."

Blair opened his eyes in a shot and looked at Jim with a puzzled expression.

"What... W-what did you just say?" asked Blair stunned, eyes wide open.

"It's... It's over... He's dead, Chief... That bastard is dead."

Blair shook his head.

"What... what did you call me, Jim?"

Jim's heart was thundering like a storm, he was certain he was going to explode. Now wasn't the time to confess his feelings to Blair, not after what had happened... but it was too late...

"I... uh... I'm sorry, Chief... I..."

"Jim, please," pleaded Blair.

"I... I... I... honey," whispered Jim.

"No! No! Nooo! No," said Blair, shaking like a leaf.

"I'm sorry, Blair... I didn't mean to..."

"No! No! No! No!" was all Blair could say.

"I'm sorry," Jim repeated.

"No... No... It's not fair... It's not fair..."

And Blair started to breathe with difficulty, almost suffocating.

//Oh, Shit! He's having a panic attack!//

"I'll be right back, Chief. Breathe. Breathe."

Jim rushed downstairs, grabbed a paper bag from one of the kitchen drawers and rushed back upstairs. He sat on the bed, taking Blair into his arms and placing the paper bag over his mouth. Blair clenched his hands around Jim's and started to exhale and inhale into the paper bag.

Finally, his breathing resumed to normal and he fell asleep in Jim's arms.

***

Blair woke up slowly at the sound of the radio... //No... wait... it wasn't the radio... it was Jim!//... Jim was holding him in his arms, humming a song to calm his sleep... It was the first time he had ever heard Jim sing, and his voice was so soft, so sweet, so full of love and emotion... Blair didn't open his eyes as he lay in Jim's arms and listened to him sing.

"Look into my eyes, you will see, what you mean to me. Search your heart, search your soul, and when you find me there, you'll search no more. Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you... Look into your heart, you will find, there's nothin' there to hide. Take me as I am. Take my life. I would give it all. I would sacrifice. Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for. I can't help it; there's nothin' I want more. Ya know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you... There's no love, like your love, and no other, could give more love. There's nowhere, unless you're there. All the time, all the way... Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for. I can't help it; there's nothin' I want more. I would fight for you. I'd lie for you. Walk the wire for ya. Ya, I'd die for you. Ya know it's true, everything is do, I do it for you..."

Blair immediately recognized the song... *Everything I do, I do it for you*... it took his breath away and he felt tears rushing out of his eyes. He blinked a few times and opened his eyes. Jim immediately stopped singing.

"I... I'm sorry, Chief... I thought you were sleeping," babbled Jim, blinking to repress his own tears.

Blair pushed himself up slowly, reaching his hand out to caress Jim's cheek. He did just what the song lyrics said... He looked into Jim's eyes and saw what he meant to Jim... He searched into his heart and found Jim there... Then, he moved upwards slowly and, as if in slow motion, he kissed Jim. It was the lightest touch of a kiss... Blair brushed his lips against Jim's slowly; amorously... holding his breath... then backed away.

Jim was startled. It took him a moment to remember how to breathe. They were looking deeply into each other's eyes.

"Blair..."

"Shhhh... I love you, Jim... always have."

Jim's mouth fell wide open.

"But... but... you... Last night, you kept saying *No! No! No!*..."

Blair looked down and he shuddered.

"Jim... I was saying *No, it's not fair*... it's not fair to you... I mean, he... he... he took everything away..."

Jim took Blair's chin in his hand and lifted his head up.

"Took what away, Chief? I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"What I had to offer you, Jim... It's not fair to you... I'm not good enough for you, Jim."

"Don't ever say that again, Blair! Never!"

"But..."

"No but's, Chief. You are everything to me. I love you Blair and no one can ever take you away from me."

"Jim... He... He... He raped me... I... I... I feel dirty... I feel like I'm not good enough for you... like I don't deserve you..."

"Chief, I told you.... Don't ever say that again... It doesn't matter what that bastard did to you... I mean, of course it matters... but... it doesn't change anything about my feelings for you..."

"Oh, Jim... I love you so much."

"I love you so much too, Blair."

"What are we gonna do?" asked Blair, resting snugly against Jim's chest.

"Fight together and get over this, together... you and me... I know it'll take time, but we'll succeed, Blair... I swear to God that we'll succeed."

Jim closed his arms around Blair and rested his chin on top of his Guide's head.

***

After a couple of minutes, Blair spoke hesitantly... He needed to tell Jim, he had to be honest with him... but he felt scared, ashamed and sullied.

"Jim?"

"Yes?"

"There's something I gotta tell you..."

"What? Tell me, Chief, " asked Jim worried.

"He... He... He didn't use condoms."

"SON OF A BITCH! FUCKING BASTARD!" exploded Jim. Then, he calmed down for Blair's sake. "Chief, you don't have to be afraid... his medical report stated that he was tested in the institution where he had been committed, and he was clean."

"Yeah, clean till he escaped..." whispered Blair.

"Shhhh... It's okay, Chief. We can call Lou, you know, Steven's friend... the doctor. He can come here tonight. You don't have to be afraid. You need to see a doctor and Lou is a good friend."

Blair was shaking helplessly in Jim's arms.

"But I am afraid, Jim... I'll do the examination and the test... But we'll have to wait... We'll have to wait to be sure... And what if... what if..."

"I know, I know... But didn't I just tell you that we were worth fighting for? Didn't I just tell you that you were worth fighting for? I'm sure everything will be okay, Chief."

"I hope," murmured Blair.

"Trust me."

Jim bent down and kissed Blair. The kiss was a little stronger this time but not too pressing. Jim knew too well that Blair needed time. Jim pressed his lips against Blair's, then licked his upper lip. Blair jerked from the touch, but even if he felt dirty and ashamed, he needed the comfort and reassurance of that kiss. Blair moaned and opened his mouth slightly. Jim slipped his tongue slowly into Blair's moist cavern and started to taste him... licking his tongue, teeth, palate, tonsils... sucking on his tongue. Then, Jim drew Blair's tongue into his own mouth and Blair returned the favor, exploring that pure wonder that was Jim Ellison's mouth.

It was a deep soul searching kiss... they kissed till they were out of breath, moaning into each other's mouths. Finally, they broke apart for air.

"Oh, Jim, if only you knew how long I've been waiting for this..."

"I know," answered Jim, before kissing Blair again.

They kissed again, more passionately this time. The kiss grew in intensity, becoming wild and hot. They were devouring each other's mouths, lips and tongues... But they didn't do more than kiss. Jim didn't try any moves on Blair, he knew Blair needed time and that he wasn't ready for anything more now...

Suddenly, Blair disentangled from Jim, shaking his head.

"I... I... I'm sorry, Jim... I can't..."

"Shhhhh, honey, it's okay. Don't be sorry. We'll take our time. We'll take all the time you need."

Jim looked into his Guide's ocean blue eyes and brushed one wild strand of curl behind Blair's ear.

"Jim?"

"Yes?"

"Hold me, please," begged Blair, shaking helplessly.

And Jim tightened his arms around Blair's shivering body.

***

Blair shot up in bed and jumped away from Jim. Jim opened his eyes quickly and stared at Blair, who looked panicked.

"You okay, Chief?" asked Jim concerned.

And Blair burst into tears again.

//Shit!// thought Jim. He leaned forwards on the bed and put his hand on Blair's shoulder. Blair jerked away from Jim's touch, rushed downstairs and went into the bathroom, locking the door.

Jim fell backwards on the bed, put his hands over his face and sighed sadly... //This is going to be really hard.//... He listened to Blair who was still crying. He was taking a shower, again, washing himself frantically and it tore Jim's heart apart.

Jim stood up, noticed he was still in his clothes and undressed. He put on his bathrobe and headed downstairs, towards the kitchen. He put on some coffee to brew and started to prepare scrambled eggs, toast and bacon... even if he knew he couldn't eat... but they had eaten nothing since the day before, so, they would have to force themselves to eat something before going to the Precinct.

Suddenly, Blair emerged from the bathroom, still in Jim's bathrobe, freshly and drastically soaped. He went to the kitchen and placed a hand in the small of Jim's back.

"Jim... I'm sorry, man," said Blair, turning Jim to face him.

"What for?" asked Jim, trying to feign ignorance.

"For pulling away this morning when you tried to comfort me," said Blair, looking into Jim's ice blue eyes.

"Don't be sorry, Chief," said Jim, reaching his hand out to cup Blair's face, but suspending it in the mid-air.

Blair grabbed Jim's hand and kissed his palm, then put his Sentinel's hand on his cheek and rubbed against it.

"Really, Jim, I'm sorry... It's just that... that sometimes I need to touch you, I need to be touched... and other times, like this morning, I just can't stand someone looking at me."

"Chief, I swear, there's no need to be sorry. I understand... I can't say I know how you feel, but I understand," said Jim, caressing Blair's cheek.

"Thanks, man," said Blair, reaching upwards and giving Jim a quick, butterfly kiss on the lips.

"Sit down, Chief. Breakfast will be ready in a minute."

Blair went to the table and sat down.

"Thanks, Jim, but I'm not really hungry."

"Chief, you have to eat something. I'm not hungry either but we can't go to the station like that."

"Okay," said Blair nodding. "Jim?"

"Yes?"

"I... uh... I gotta ask you something," said Blair, chewing his bottom lip.

"You know you can ask me anything you want, honey," Jim bit his tongue. "I'm sorry, Chief. I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay, Jim... I kinda like that honey stuff of yours... but don't use it at the Precinct, man," joked Blair, trying to give himself courage to speak.

"Yeah, sugar," teased Jim back, knowing the worse was still to come. "So, Chief? What do you wanna ask me?"

"Jim, this is really hard for me to say... really hard for me to ask. Please, don't say anything till I'm finished, or I'll never be able to say it. Okay?"

Jim nodded.

"Okay. Okay. So... uh... Jim, I'm gonna ask you something really important to me... or, rather... I'm gonna beg for this... Okay, here I go... Jim, you know he raped me?"

Jim nodded.

"Well, he's not known as a rapist, right?"

Jim shook his head.

"Good... I mean... It looks like I'm... uh... I'm his first victim..."

Jim nodded again, biting his bottom lip and fighting the tears that were filling his eyes.

"Jim?" said Blair, watching him, pleading. "I don't want to report the rape. I refuse to make it public knowledge."

That was it! He had asked it. Blair waited silently as he watched Jim shaking and swallowing hard before speaking, his voice breaking with emotion.

"You don't want me to report the rape, Chief? I mean, yes, he was a serial killer, not a rapist and you are the last person he kidnapped, but luckily you were rescued before he could kill you. But you're asking me not to report this?!" asked Jim, incredulous of what Blair was asking of him... no, begging him... not to report the rape.

"Yes," breathed Blair.

"Chief, do you know what you're asking me to do?!"

Blair nodded.

"Jim, I don't want people pointing at me, saying *Hey, that's the guy who's been raped... Hey, you know, he probably begged for it*... blah, blah, blah... Jim, think about my career at the University, think about my students... what are they going to think? That I'm a slut?"

Jim opened his mouth to protest, but Blair held a hand up to stop him.

"And what about the guys at the PD? I know guys like Simon, Joel, Rafe or Brown won't ever joke about it... but what about the other cops, huh? How am I going to face them? How am I going to live with that, Jim? Please, Jim, I'm begging you, man... don't report it..."

"Chief, do you know what you're asking of me?! You're asking me to go against everything that I was taught to protect and defend. You're asking me to go against my better judgement and my principals! You want me to..."

"Jim! Jim, wait! I know that I'm asking a lot from you, but have a thought about what the media will do to me! Have you thought about what the courts will do to me?! Are you willing to stand by and let lawyers drag me through the mud? To let them rip and tear apart every word that comes out of my mouth so they can prove a point? Just so these lawyers can win a case and then go on happy with their lives never caring that my life was not only ruined once by being raped and humiliated but twice by announcing it to the world? Are you willing to stand by and watch me be stripped of what little dignity I have left for the name of justice? I have been humiliated Jim and... and... Don't you realize that I have nothing left except for you? And if you go against my wishes, then I don't even have you Jim!"

Jim stared at Blair who was in tears again and found the information really difficult to swallow. His eyes clouded with tears realizing that Blair was right, but it was so hard to go against years of training and brainwashing, wanting only revenge against this beast that had hurt the man he loved. But what was the point of dragging this on in court if Lash was dead? Lash had hurt the love of his life but even now beyond his grave he was still causing him pain. Maybe Blair was right and he was just being selfish wanting to report this to get even with Lash. But because of his anger he hadn't stop to think about the consequences of seeking revenge, he hadn't stop to think about Blair's needs and Blair's wishes.

Jim knew it went against his convictions, against his job, against everything... But because of the word love, he would do anything for the man he loved... He would do anything... anything Blair asked him to do.

"Chief... It's okay... I won't report the rape. I'll do whatever you want me to do," said Jim.

Jim walked over to the table and sat in front of Blair. Ice blue eyes locked with ocean blue eyes and Jim reached out a trembling hand to grab another trembling hand.

Blair felt his tears running down his cheeks like Niagara Falls.

"Thanks," was all he was able to mumble.

"Chief, let's get this straight, okay?... We need to get our story straight... You came back here after leaving the club..."

Blair nodded.

"You heard a noise and saw a shadow, so, you called me and tried to contact me on my pager..."

Blair nodded again.

"The door burst open, he rushed in, you fought, he tranquilized you and brought you to the warehouse..."

Blair nodded sadly.

"He cuffed you and gagged you... but you were still under the drug influence and can't remember what happened..."

Blair looked up, his eyes shining and nodded.

"You woke up on the floor, tied up, then passed out again and woke up when he put you on that dentist chair..."

"Yes," said Blair.

"You saw that he was preparing the Trichloroethanol and you tried to reason with him..."

"Yes," repeated Blair.

"It didn't work, he forced you to drink the Trichloroethanol and that's when I showed up..."

"Yes," breathed Blair again, feeling a little smile form at the corners of his mouth.

"Okay, I think we got this straight," said Jim, smiling.

He released Blair's wrist and stood up.

"Thank you, Jim," murmured Blair.

Jim turned to face him and smiled.

"For what?" asked Jim, crooking an eyebrow.

"For... the breakfast," answered Blair, his smile broadening.

"Anytime, buddy."

And Jim came back with the eggs, toast and bacon. They surprisingly discovered they were starving and ate everything.

***

"Jim?" asked Blair, watching Jim as he drove.

"Um?"

"About that Lou..."

Jim glanced at Blair and felt his guts twist inside him. He swallowed a few times before answering.

"Yes?"

"You think he can come tonight?" asked Blair, his voice trembling.

"I'll call him but I'm sure he can."

"Good. Good. Thanks, man. I never would've been able to bear the humiliation of going to the hospital. I'll always be grateful for what you did, man," said Blair, still watching Jim, his eyes again filling with tears.

Jim glanced at Blair and smiled.

"Blair, I told you, I love you. I'll do anything for you, anything you ask me to."

***

They had spent the day doing the usual. There had been news on TV, reporting that Detective Ellison saved the life of a police observer by gunning the killer down moments before he would have struck again. They had joked about it and everything went all right.

They made their report, stating Blair had been kidnapped, drugged and rescued but didn't mention the rape.

When no one was around, Jim called Lou and asked him if he could drop by the loft around 6.00 p.m., saying that him needed a favor for a friend and Lou had agreed immediately.

They finally returned to the loft. During the drive Jim told Blair that he had called Lou.

"Chief?"

"Yeah," said Blair, looking at Jim.

"I... uh... I called Lou, he'll arrive at 6.00 p.m.," said Jim, glancing at Blair and smiling shyly.

"Thanks, man," said Blair, looking down at his knees.

***

They reached the loft. Jim parked the truck and they took the elevator. Once inside, Jim tossed the keys into the basket on the table next to the door and hung his coat on the coat-rack. Blair came in, dropped his backpack on the floor and hung up his jacket.

"I'm gonna take a shower, man," said Blair, heading towards the bedroom.

Jim glanced at the clock and read 5.30 p.m., Lou would be there soon.

Blair emerged from his bedroom with fresh clothes and headed towards the bathroom. Jim went into the kitchen and put on some coffee to brew. He dialed his hearing up and listened for Blair... he wasn't crying this time... Jim returned to the couch with the news paper, waiting for Blair and Lou.

Blair exited the bathroom and sat next to Jim. He put his hand on Jim's thigh and stared at him. Jim looked at Blair and Blair reached out his hand, cupping Jim's face.

"Kiss me, Jim. Please," asked Blair sliding his thumb along Jim's cheek.

Jim slid his fingers into Blair's hair and bent slowly. He brushed his lips against his Guide's, then started to give Blair little kisses... gentle kisses... Blair slipped his hand from Jim's cheek to his neck and drew him closer. He licked Jim's lips and Jim opened his mouth. Blair plunged his tongue into Jim's mouth and Jim sucked it gently, savoring the silky, burning intruder.

"Hold me," mumbled Blair into Jim's mouth.

Jim released Blair's hair and slid both arms around his Guide's back, drawing him closer against his body. Blair broke the kiss and buried his face into Jim's neck.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door and they both jumped... Lou was here. Blair stared at Jim, panicking, his eyes growing wide with fear... He looked like a wounded deer caught by a predator, facing his execution.

Blair clenched his fists into Jim's T-shirt, his eyes pleading for him not to open the door.

"It'll be all right, he's a great guy. Don't be afraid," said Jim.

Blair released Jim's T-shirt and Jim stood up, going to the door to open it for Lou.

"Hi, Lou, how are you?"

"Fine, Jimmy, thank you. And you?" asked the old man.

"Fine," lied Jim.

Jim stepped back to allow Lou to enter. Lou was an old man, around 60. He was a doctor approaching retirement... but he loved his job so much that he couldn't resign himself to retire.

Lou walked into the room and saw Blair curled up on the couch, staring at him like Lou was going to shoot him.

"You must be Blair? My name is Lou. Nice to meet you, Blair. Jim told me a lot of good things about you," said Lou, not giving Blair the chance to answer, wanting Blair to know that he didn't judge him.

Then, Lou turned to Jim and stared at him.

"Jimmy, didn't you tell me you had something to do? Pick up some groceries or something like that?"

"Uh... yeah... Uh, Chief, I'll be back in 30, I gotta go to the store, you know."

Blair looked even more frightened, but he knew Jim was leaving for his benefit... so he could work with Lou... Blair didn't want Jim there while Lou was examining him out, but he was also afraid to be alone... He was glad Jim understood how he felt without even talking.

He smiled shyly to Jim, nodding, then looked at Lou.

"Hello, Sir. Yes, I'm Blair. Nice to meet you," he said, rising from the couch.

Jim headed towards the door, picked up his coat and keys and left, knowing Blair was in good hands.

"Please, Blair, call me Lou... May I call you Blair?"

"Yeah, sure, Si... uh... Lou."

They shook hands.

"Uh... I... uh... I would prefer if you could... if you could check me in my room," said Blair, pointing towards his own bedroom. "If it's okay for you?"

"Yes, no problem, Blair. But I'd like to talk to you first."

"Uh, okay, sure. Please, sit down. Uh... you... you want something to drink?"

Lou sat down on the couch and smiled warmly at Blair.

"Oh, yes, thank you. Do you have some coffee, please?"

"Yes, Jim just made some."

"Perfect," said Lou.

Blair headed towards the kitchen, poured two cups of coffee and came back to the living room, placing the mugs on the coffee table and sitting on the other couch.

***

"Blair, I need to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind," asked Lou.

"Yeah, sure," answered Blair, but he wasn't sure at all.

"I know this isn't easy for you, but you can trust me, Blair."

"Thank you, Lou."

"Before we start, I'd like to tell you something."

"Yes, Lou."

"I know what you're going through because I've been raped," said Lou, without flinching.

Blair's mouth fell open but he didn't say anything.

"It happened long ago, when I was still in school. I was at the University studying medicine. One night, we had classes very late and it was a long walk home. My girlfriend was out of town for a week and she had the car. On my way home, I stopped at a store to buy something for dinner, and I'd been followed. I didn't notice it until it was too late. I'm quite small and thin, and there was four of them. They all raped and beat me. They didn't use condoms."

"I'm sorry," said Blair.

"I could barely stand up. When I came back to my apartment, I took a shower and washed away all the evidence. As a future doctor, I knew perfectly well that I shouldn't have done that and that I should've gone to the Police... but my first thought was of me... of my career, my girlfriend, the University... I thought about what people would think of me if they found out I had been raped... So, I didn't tell anyone but my girlfriend when she returned. You're the only other person I have told this to, Blair. Anyway, I didn't say anything and I didn't go to the Police, I didn't want it in the media. I examined myself the best that I could, took some pills and antibiotics in case I had some unforeseen infection. Three months later, I went to my doctor and told him that I had been stupid and made love without protection. I told him that three months had passed and asked him if he would run an HIV test for me... Voilà, this is my story, Blair."

"And your girlfriend didn't force you to go to hospital? She... she... uh, no... nothing."

"No, she didn't force me to go to the hospital or report the rape, because she loved me. She did what I asked her, she went along with my wishes... and, no, she didn't abandon me," said Lou, knowing it was the question Blair was afraid to ask. "She didn't abandon me, and she wasn't repulsed by me. She loved me and we fought this thing together. She stayed by my side... and we've been married 35 years now."

Blair looked at Lou and smiled.

"Jim loves you, Blair. He'll do everything you ask him and he'll stand by your side. You don't have to be ashamed of yourself. There's nothing to be ashamed of or repulsed by. You have to fight it, Blair. With Jim's help you'll get over it. Don't push him away. You have to find trust and believe in yourself again, and you have to trust Jim."

Blair opened his mouth wide. //How did Lou know that Jim was in love with him? How did he know that he was in love with Jim?//

"Jim... Jim told you?" asked Blair, stunned.

"No. He didn't tell me anything. He told me that his friend had been raped and that he needed a favor. He asked me not to tell anyone and he asked me to come here at 6.00 p.m."

"So... How... how do you know?"

"Blair, he didn't need to tell me anything. Just hearing his voice when he told me that his friend needed help... that told me you were so much more than a just friend to him... and, the fact that he, a cop, didn't report the rape, shows how much he loves you."

"Thank you, Lou. Thank you for your own story, it... it means a lot to me... I mean... knowing that you know what I'm feeling."

"No problem, Blair."

"So, where do we start? You said you had to ask me some questions?"

"Yes, I need to know if he was wearing a condom," said Lou, not hesitating.

"No," answered Blair.

"Is he known as a rapist?"

"No."

"Do you know if he's clean?"

"Last time he was checked, yes. It was in his rap sheet... He... uh... he was a criminal," said Blair.

"Was?" asked Lou.

"Yes, he's dead."

"Okay... Well, uh... if he was clean last time he was checked, it's already a point in your favor, Blair. You'll have to wait at least three months before doing the test, but I guess you already knew that?"

"Yes."

"Meanwhile, I advise you to use condoms with Jim."

Blair opened his mouth to say that he and Jim hadn't had sex... yet... but closed it and nodded.

"I'm sorry to ask, Blair, but I need to know what he did to you," asked Lou, in a sympathetic voice.

Blair took a deep breath and knew he could talk to Lou.

"He... he performed fellatio on me... Lou, I... uh... my body reacted... I mean..."

"You had an erection?"

"Yes," breathed Blair, ashamed.

"It's totally natural, Blair. You don't have to be ashamed."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Blair, the first man who raped me also performed fellatio on me... and my body reacted too. I was scared as hell, disgusted by the four of them half naked, yet I still became hard. I cursed myself for that, cursed myself for my body's betrayal. But it's only a normal biological process, Blair. You don't have to be ashamed of yourself."

Blair nodded and pursued his story.

"He... He forced me to... to perform fellatio on him," stammered Blair.

"Did he ejaculate into your mouth?"

"Yes, but I spit it out."

"Good. But I'll have to check your throat to see if there isn't any lesions."

Blair nodded again and continued on what he considered the most horrible part.

"Then, he... he..." but he couldn't finish and burst into tears.

Lou didn't move, he didn't try to touch Blair. He just comforted him with words.

"It's okay, Blair. Relax. It's okay."

Blair wiped his tears with the back of his hand and glanced at Lou.

"He sodomized you, didn't he?"

Blair nodded.

"And he didn't use condoms," said Blair.

"Don't worry Blair. But I'll have to check you out to see if there are any lesions or internal damage."

"Okay."

"You'll also have to come to my clinic tomorrow and I give you an injection of antibiotics and some medicine to avoid any infections or illnesses."

"Uh... would I have to go... to go to the drugstore?" asked Blair frightened.

"No, Blair. Don't worry. I'll give you everything."

"Oh, thank you, Lou."

"You're welcome. Blair, I'll also give you an ointment that you'll have to use twice a day; once in the morning and once in the evening. To heal the lesions and prevent infection."

"Okay. Okay."

"Blair, if you're ready, we can start."

Blair's heartbeat sped up but he knew there was nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. He nodded and showed Lou to his bedroom. They went inside and sat on Blair's bed. Lou checked Blair's throat.

"Good. I don't see any damage in your throat, Blair. You're a little irritated, but that's all. You can get rid of it with a simple syrup."

"I use an elder syrup for my throat, is that okay?" asked Blair.

"Yes, as long as it calms the irritation. Now, Blair, if you give me your consent, I have to check over your body."

"Okay," said Blair.

He started to take off his clothes. Lou looked into his medical bag, searching for some supplies while Blair undressed. Blair sat down and looked nervously at Lou.

"Okay, I'm going to check your ribs. But he didn't beat you."

It wasn't a question but a statement. Blair shook his head.

Lou checked Blair's ribs.

"Good. Now, would you please lie down on your back. I'll check your genitals."

Blair lay on his bed and closed his eyes, while Lou checked him.

"Good. Okay. Well, uh, now, Blair, this is... this is the worse part. I'm sorry. But I will have to..."

"It's okay," Blair interrupted.

He turned over and lay on his belly. Lou took a pair of latex gloves and a tube of ointment. He put some of the gel on his fingers.

"Blair, this is going to be cold. It's a lubricant. I have to give you an internal examination. Are you okay with this."

"Yes," whispered Blair. "Do I have a choice?" he asked, trying to joke.

"I'm afraid not," answered Lou, attempting to put a little laugher into his voice to relax the tension. "Okay, are you ready, Blair?"

Blair nodded.

"Just relax. Breath slowly. Take a deep breath and relax. Everything will be okay and I will try not to hurt you."

Blair tried to relax, as Lou had asked him to. He took a deep breath. Blair jumped up from the bed when he felt Lou's cold index finger between his buttocks.

"It's okay, Blair. Easy. It's okay. Don't be afraid. You have to relax."

Blair bit his bottom lip, breathed in deeply once again and tried to relax... but it was impossible. Lou slid his index finger inside of Blair and started to check him. Blair felt the memories of the rape come back in a rush. Finally, Lou slipped his finger out of Blair and took his gloves off.

"Good, Blair. It's over, you can put your clothes back on."

Blair stood up, shaking and put his clothes on, sitting on his bed again.

"So?" asked Blair.

"Well, I didn't notice any internal damage, Blair. That's a good sign. You are irritated and you have some external lesions, probably caused by the penetration. But the ointment I brought should calm those irritations and heal the lesions. Don't forget to use it though, because if you don't take care of those small injuries, they could become infected. But if you take the medicine and use the ointment, everything will be okay. There's no severe damage."

"Oh, thank God," said Blair in relief.

"And for HIV or other diseases, Lou?"

"Well, you'll have to wait three months before doing the HIV test. You'll have the result after a couple of weeks. For the other tests, I can continue the testing at my clinic tomorrow morning if you're willing to come in for a routine blood test," said Lou smiling gently.

"Will you be doing the test?"

"I'll do it if you agree."

"Thank you, Lou."

"Well, tomorrow when you come in for the blood work, I'll inject you with some antibiotics to fight off whatever he exposed you to."

"Okay."

While Lou was putting his things into his doctor's bag, they heard the door, Jim was back.

"Well, we're all finished, Blair. Remember what I told you," said Lou, motioning his head towards the door, talking about Jim. "And don't forget to take the medicine and to use the ointment."

"Thank you so much, Lou."

"No, don't thank me. Thank Jim," said Lou smiling.

They stood up and exited Blair's room to find Jim busy in the kitchen counter, preparing dinner.

***

"Hi, Jimmy. Well, you're just returning and I'm just leaving," said Lou, smiling to Jim, letting him know that everything went fine.

"You don't wanna stay for dinner?" asked Blair.

"No, thank you, Blair, but my wife is waiting for me."

"Thank you," repeated Blair.

"For what?" asked Lou, crooking an eyebrow. "Ah, yes, the book... oh, no problem. I promised Jim to bring it a long time ago. I just didn't take the time before," and Lou as he winked at Blair and then at Jim.

"So, guys, I have to go."

"Lou?" called Blair.

"Yes?"

"How much do..."

"For bringing the book back?" interrupted Lou.

"Thank you, Lou," said Blair again, smiling.

"Yes, thank you very much, Lou," said Jim.

"You're welcome, guys. Now, I really have to go."

Lou left Blair and Jim alone to each other.

***

They ate and after they washed the dishes; then watched a game on TV. When it was time to go to bed, Blair stood up and went into the bathroom. He took another shower and put on a clean T-shirt and boxers. He exited the bathroom to go into his bedroom.

"G'night, Jim," said Blair, not looking at his Sentinel.

"Night, Chief," answered Jim, sadly.

Jim felt the pain stabbing at him again... the examination had probably caused Blair to remember the rape. Jim would have preferred Blair to sleep in his bed so he could watch over him. But it seemed Blair needed to be alone.

Jim went into his bedroom and laid down. He listened with despair to Blair who was crying. Finally, Blair fell into an restless sleep. Jim spent the night listening to him, checking him to ascertain that everything was fine.

***

It lasted two weeks... Blair didn't kiss Jim at all anymore, nor did he touch him... he was spending every night in his own bedroom.

But except for that, Blair seemed to regaining strength, courage, confidence and trust in himself and in Jim... He was just physically distant but mentally closer to Jim. They appeared to be back to the good old times, with the same complicity, even stronger... but minus the touching.

Jim needed to touch Blair, wanted to touch him... but as long as Blair wasn't ready, Jim would not do anything... He would give Blair time and would wait until Blair approached him.

Two weeks later, Jim was in his bed half asleep, when he heard footsteps on the stairs. He didn't move and waited... Blair climbed the stairs, slipped into Jim's bed, slid below the comforter, cuddled against Jim's back and slid his arms around his Sentinel's chest, resting his head against his shoulder blades.

Blair fell asleep immediately.

Since that night, Blair became more self confident. He started to kiss Jim again in the mornings to say hello... in the evenings to say goodnight... and lately, whenever he could.

Every occasion was an opportunity for a kiss... from a light, feathery kiss to a hungry, passionate kiss... but he didn't try anything else... until...

***

"Jim?" asked Blair, cuddled up against Jim on the couch.

"Yes, Chief?"

"I... uh... I... Kiss me, please?"

Jim reached his head up, sliding his fingers into Blair's soft curls and drew him into a loving kiss. Jim kissed Blair's lips gently, brushing them briefly, licking them amorously.

Blair purred under Jim's kisses and opened his mouth to welcome his Sentinel's tongue. Jim wasted no time and plunged his tongue into the hot, moist cavern which was Blair Sandburg's mouth.

Blair moaned deeply into Jim's mouth and sucked on his tongue hungrily. He returned Jim's kiss and started to thrust his own burning tongue in and out of his Sentinel's mouth.

Suddenly, Blair slid his fingers into Jim's sides and Jim froze. It was the first time Blair had touched him intimately since the rape.

"You... you sure, Blair?"

"Uh, uh," answered Blair, his tongue plunging back deeply inside Jim's mouth.

Blair slid his fingers along Jim's sides, then along his arms, from his hands to his shoulders. Jim moaned throwing his head back. Blair kissed Jim's cheek. Then, he started exploring his Sentinel's skin and body. He kissed, licked, sucked and nibbled Jim's jaw, jawbone, chin... up to his lips again... his nose, eyes, forehead, ears...

Jim was fighting hard to control his growing erection, but it was useless. Blair sucked Jim's right earlobe drawing it into his mouth, nibbling on it and scraping his teeth slowly, gently against the burning skin. Jim was shivering with pleasure.

Suddenly, Blair pulled on Jim's T-shirt and slid it outside his sweat pants. Jim groaned loudly when he felt Blair's cool fingers on his hot skin.

Blair slid his hands below the soft fabric of Jim's T-shirt and started to caress his lover's skin tenderly. His fingertips trailed lightly on Jim's flat stomach, up to his broad chest. He opened his palms wide and started to trace round patterns on his muscular pectorals.

Jim caressed Blair's back, letting his fingers wander along his spine, back up into his soft curls. Blair hungrily kissed Jim's neck. Without warning, Blair began to roll his thumbs around Jim's nipples.

All of a sudden, Blair sat back on Jim.

"Jim... I... I'd like to touch you. I'd like to kiss you... I mean... can I undress you? Please?"

Jim was startled by Blair's request... the way he had put it... but he agreed immediately.

"Of course you can, Chief."

Jim sat up and took Blair's hands placing them on his waist.

Blair slipped his fingers back beneath his Sentinel's T-shirt and pushed it up and off Jim's shoulders. He froze, his mouth open wide.

"Oh, Jesus, Jim, you're beautiful," said Blair huskily.

"Thank you," answered Jim, leaning back on the couch.

Blair leaned forward and kissed Jim. Then, he started his exploration again... He kissed, licked, sucked and nibbled Jim's neck, earlobe, collar bone and Adam's apple. He slipped his tongue into the hollow at the base of Jim's neck and literally feasted on Jim's shoulder.

He kissed his way down Jim's broad torso, reaching an already hard nipple. Blair plunged his lips on the begging nub and sucked gently, rolling the tip of his tongue around the trembling skin. He felt his Sentinel's nipple harden against his tongue and lapped it up. Finally, Blair released the over-stimulated nub and devoured the other one.

Jim was moaning deliriously, his hands traveling down Blair's back, gripping his shoulders, his fingers sliding through the softness of his Guide's hair.

Suddenly, Blair slipped his right hand along Jim's leg, then between his thighs. Jim opened his eyes wide and stared at Blair... but Blair didn't stop. He glided his index finger along the outline of Jim's erection, feeling it through his pants. Jim bit his bottom lip and grasped Blair's T-shirt tightly, attempting to keep himself from thrusting against the delicious finger.

When Blair kissed his way down Jim's belly and slid his open palm against his Sentinel's erection, Jim almost came.

"Oh, Blair, honey... you're making me nuts," mumbled Jim.

Blair looked up, his eyes begging for permission. Jim nodded and Blair slipped his fingers into the waistband of Jim's pants. He pushed them down along with his Sentinel's boxers very slowly, releasing the fully erect cock of his lover.

Blair stopped and contemplated Jim's cock.

"Jim, you're beautiful," breathed Blair.

Blair slid his fingertip along Jim's penis, from base to tip... from tip to base. He closed his trembling fingers loosely around his Sentinel's throbbing cock and started to pump him slowly. He reached his other hand between Jim's thighs and cupped his balls, rolling them gently with his palm.

He continued to jerk Jim off for a few more minutes, then he backed away and stood up.

Jim opened his eyes and stared at Blair, frightened.

"It's okay, Jim. I'm okay. I'll be right back."

Blair rushed into his bedroom and came back with a small packet. He opened it and took a smaller packet... condoms...

Blair opened the packet and removed a condom, he pinched the tip and looked into Jim's hungry blue eyes. Jim smiled and Blair rolled the condom down Jim's throbbing penis.

Jim watched, eyes wide open, as Blair leaned over slowly and kissed the head of Jim's cock. Jim took Blair's head into his hands to hold him still.

"Chief... Blair... wait... why... why are you using a condom... The taste must be disgusting."

"Jim, I wanna do it... I wanna feel you in my mouth... but I don't want you to... you know... to be infected from it..."

Blair's words died in his throat.

Jim reached down, cupped Blair's face and drew him up for a kiss.

"I don't care, Blair. Really, I don't care. Besides, I don't care taking risk... and even if there was a..."

Jim stopped when he saw Blair's pleading eyes... he knew too well that Blair felt ashamed and dirty... he was only starting to feel a little comfortable with sex, and he understood Blair didn't want to risk contaminating him... So, if it was what Blair wanted, Jim would do it...

"Okay, baby... we'll do it your way... If you don't mind chewing latex," said Jim, trying to relax the sudden tension in the air.

Blair smiled, kissed Jim and plunged his mouth back onto his Sentinel's needing cock.

He took the head of Jim's cock into his mouth, sucked on it and rolled his tongue around the glans. Jim arched his back and Blair slid his left hand between Jim's thighs, cupping his balls. Jim spread his legs wider, the right one falling off the couch, his foot resting on the coffee table.

Blair closed his fingers around the base of Jim's cock, holding the condom in place as he started to suck his Sentinel's penis. He took half of Jim's cock and started an up and down motion, closing his lips tighter each time he went up, loosening them each time he moved down, licking with the flat of his tongue.

Jim was delirious and couldn't hold on. When Blair took all of his cock deeply into his mouth and the head of his penis hit the back of Blair's throat, Jim climaxed.

He arched his back and threw his head back, his cock throbbing. He jerked violently, shooting his seed into the condom, Blair sucking him greedily still massaging his balls.

"Uhhhhh... mmppppp... Blair... baby... oh God... Blair..."

Blair released Jim's penis, smiled and took the condom off, tying it and tossing it onto the coffee table. Jim was too far gone to care... Blair reached up and lay on top of Jim, snuggling himself between his Sentinel's open legs, resting his head on his broad chest and closing his arms around his lover.

"I love you, Jim," murmured Blair.

"I love you too, Chief," whispered Jim, caressing his Guide's soft curls.

***

After a few minutes, Jim called to Blair.

"Chief?"

"Ummmm?"

"I... uh... Do you want me to... to... to massage you?" asked Jim.

"Massage me?"

"Yes. Massage your shoulders and your back, you know."

"Yeah, sure," said Blair happily. "But not here."

Blair stood up, grabbed the condoms, took Jim by the hand and lead him upstairs. Once in Jim's bedroom, Blair took Jim into his arms and drew him closer. Jim was still naked and Blair was purring against his Sentinel's skin. Jim kissed Blair gently, sliding his fingers along his Guide's spine.

Blair took Jim's hands and slid them beneath his T-shirt. When Jim touched his Guide's skin, he moaned huskily.

"Take it off, Jim," said Blair against Jim's neck.

Jim slid his hands upward along Blair's back and slipped the T-shirt off his shoulders. Blair lay on the bed on his belly, resting his head on one of the many pillows. Jim sat next to Blair and waited.

"Touch me, Jim, please," said Blair, eyes closed.

Jim started to massage Blair's shoulders, sliding his fingers along his shoulder blades and into Blair's neck. His palms trailed along Blair's sides, then back up along his spine, and down into the small of his Guide's back. Blair was purring under Jim's caresses.

Suddenly, Blair rolled onto his back. He took Jim's hands and rested them on his stomach. Jim immediately saw the rising erection which was starting to form a bulge in Blair's boxers. Jim felt tears fill his eyes. It was the first time in two months that Blair was sexually excited... the first time in two months that he was able to have an erection.

Blair knew what Jim was thinking about.

"It's been a while, man," said Blair, his voice trembling.

Jim smiled timidly and looked into Blair's eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Blair. Blair lay back comfortably on the pillow and closed his eyes. He took Jim's hand in his and slid their entwined hands along his stomach and up towards his chest.

Finally, he released Jim's hand and Jim started his discovery alone... he brushed his fingertips along Blair's broad chest, feeling the soft hair against his fingers. He caressed his Guide's collarbone, sliding one fingertip into the hollow at the base of Blair's neck.

Blair took Jim's hand and sucked on his index finger. He placed Jim's wet digit on his left begging nipple and growled aloud. Jim started to roll his fingertips around the little nub, tugging gently on the nipple ring.

Blair grabbed Jim's right hand again and placed it on the elastic of his boxers. He opened his eyes and stared deeply into Jim's. Jim slid the tip of his fingers into the elastic of Blair's boxers, then let them slide downwards. He felt the soft hair against his fingers and felt the tremors in his Guide's belly.

Blair was moaning appreciatively and Jim slid his fingers further down. He finally brushed Blair's half erect cock. At the brief contact, Blair's hips bucked upward and the burning flesh against Jim's hand hardened a little more. Jim closed his fingers loosely around Blair's penis and started to pump slowly, feeling his Guide's cock filling completely.

"Oh, Jim... that's good..."

Blair grabbed his boxers and pushed them down, revealing his fully erect cock throbbing into Jim's gentle hold. He looked at Jim's penis which was fully erect again.

Blair placed his hands on Jim's shoulders and pressed him down onto the bed, straddling him. He took the condoms, rolled one onto Jim's cock and another one on his own penis. He leaned forward and kissed Jim.

"I love you, Jim," murmured Blair into Jim's mouth.

"Love... you... too... Blair," mumbled Jim around Blair's tongue.

Blair slipped one leg between Jim's, so now he was straddling Jim's right leg and had his right thigh pressed between Jim's. He started to rock slowly, thrusting his erection along Jim's hip and feeling Jim's penis slide along his own thigh. He moved like that gently, slowly, still kissing Jim deeply, lovingly.

Suddenly, Blair groaned and cried madly into Jim's mouth. He convulsed violently and came, his body shaking helplessly.

"JIM... OH JIM... ohmigod... Jim... Jim... Jim..."

Jim closed his arms tightly around his Guide's back and came, thrusting upwards against Blair's thigh, his body trembling underneath Blair.

"Oh Blair... Blair... urgghhhhh..."

Blair took the condoms, tied them and threw them into the trash. He lay back on Jim and fell asleep on his Sentinel's body, cuddled tightly in his arms.

***

It was now three months since the rape... Jim and Blair were waiting for Lou. Suddenly, a knock on the door announced Lou was there... even if Jim already knew it was him.

Jim opened the door and greeted Lou.

"Hello, Lou. How are you?"

"Fine, Jimmy and you?" asked the older man.

"Fine, thank you."

"Hi Lou, nice to see you again," said Blair from behind Jim.

"Well, hello, Blair. You look wonderful."

"Thanks."

They shook hands and went to the couch.

"So, this is the moment," said Blair, nervously.

"Yes," answered Lou. "Soon you'll have the results and then, you can rest easier."

"I hope so, Lou. I'm afraid, you know."

"Oh yes, Blair, I know how it feels. But don't worry, everything will be alright."

Lou did the blood test on Blair and was about to leave.

"You'll call us when you'll have the results?" asked Jim.

"As soon as I receive the report, Jimmy, I'll bring you the results. Promise."

"See you in two days, guys."

"Bye, Lou," said Blair and Jim together.

***

The next two weeks seemed to take forever... they seemed longer than the three months they had had to wait before the test. When they came home from work, Jim picked up the mail and saw a white envelope addressed to Blair. He gave it to his Guide and Blair read the note stuck on it while they were taking the elevator upstairs.

"Dear Blair and Jim, here is what you were waiting for. I thought it would be best if the two of you shared this alone... Sincerely. Your friend, Lou."

They exited the elevator and entered the loft. Jim closed the door, dropped his keys into the basket and hung up his jacket. He turned to face Blair who had gone pale with fear.

***

Blair held the envelope in his hand... he was afraid to open it. What if the results were positive?... What if Jim wouldn't want him anymore if he had HIV?... What if...

"Blair, baby, I can hear what you're thinking... no matter what the results are, I will never leave you. I love you Blair and always will, for the rest of my life."

Blair's hands were shaking and he was shivering from fear... he opened the envelope with caution and removed the white sheet of paper. He held his breath and unfolded it... Jim felt his heart constrict... Suddenly, Blair burst into tears and stared into Jim's wet ice blue eyes...

"Negative," whispered Blair.

"Oh, Chief, I knew it. I knew it. I knew it."

They fell into each other's arms and cried.

"Jim, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Blair. I love you so very much too."

They kissed passionately. The kiss was earth shattering... They devoured each other in pure lust and fervor... Tasting, eating, drinking each other... the passion of the moment mixed with the salt of their tears.

"Chief, why don't we go upstairs and celebrate this?" smiled Jim.

"Oooooh, yeah, man." said Blair, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.

***

Jim took Blair by the hand and led him upstairs to celebrate the news they had been waiting for these last few months. They climbed the stairs slowly, in silence, as if it were some kind of ceremony. Once upstairs, Jim took Blair into his arms and held him closely against his body. He slid his arms around Blair and started to caress his back lovingly.

"I love you Blair. Always did. Always will."

"I love you too, Jim. I love you so very much too."

Jim leaned down and kissed Blair in a deep soul searching kiss. Their tongues met, danced, fought... until they were both out of breath. They broke the kiss and Jim cupped Blair's face in his hands. He stared into his Guide's ocean blue eyes and smiled.

"I wanna taste you, Blair," said Jim huskily.

"Ta... taste me?" asked Blair, stunned.

"Yeah, taste you."

Jim slipped his hands along Blair's sides, then reached behind him and cupped his buttocks. Jim kissed Blair's chin, then licked and kissed his way to his Guide's neck. He licked at the bobbing Adam's apple, sucked it and marked the tender skin. He let his tongue trail down the burning flesh, and dug into the hollow at the juncture of Blair's neck and shoulder.

Blair moaned and threw his head back, leaving Jim room. Jim kissed his way up along the line of Blair's throat, then sucked on his earlobe, biting it, pulling on the silver loops gently.

Suddenly, Jim's hand left Blair's buttocks, came between their bodies, and Jim started to unzip Blair's fly. Within a few seconds the jeans and boxers were down around the young grad student's ankles. Blair started to do the same and fought with Jim's pants and boxers.

Jim yanked Blair's shirt open, sliding his palms over the broad chest of his Guide, feeling the soft hair and the taunt nipples. Jim slid Blair's shirt off his shoulders and began to kiss his shoulder, biting it, leaving another mark.

Meanwhile, Blair had managed to get both Jim's pants and boxers down. They kicked off their shoes and stepped out of their clothes... Jim still busy on Blair's shoulder and Blair attacking his next adversary... Jim's sweater.

Blair slid his fingers underneath the soft fabric of Jim's sweater, his fingertips travelling along his flat belly, up to his hard stomach, up again to his broad chest. Blair brushed an already hardened nipple and Jim groaned.

Jim leaned over to Blair's chest, licking the wide patch of hair on Blair's torso. Then, he reached the pierced nipple and took it into his mouth. He sucked it gently, rolling his tongue around the sensitive nub, nibbling on it and pulling on the small loop. Blair shouted in pure bliss and his cock jumped against Jim's belly.

Blair pulled Jim's sweater off his shoulders, not without some protest from his Sentinel, who was forced to abandon his meal during the process. As soon as the fabric was off, Jim plunged back with revenge onto Blair's nipple, attacking and feasting now on the other one.

They both were naked and completely hard.

Jim pushed Blair back gently on the bed and lay on top of him. He settled between Blair's legs and let his fingers trail along Blair's sides. Jim kissed Blair amorously, then the kiss turned wild, and without warning, Jim broke the kiss and licked his way along Blair's body, down to his already leaking cock.

Jim closed his fist around the base of Blair's penis and looked up at his lover... Blair was staring at him, eyes wide and dark with love and lust.

"I love you, Blair. I wanna taste, you... wanted it since the first second I met you."

Blair nodded and Jim didn't waste any more time... He bent down and breathed deeply, filling himself with the pure scent of Blair Sanburg... the strong male musk mixed with pre-cum... Jim shivered from desire and peeked the tip of his tongue out from his lips. He licked slooooowly along the slit on Blair's cockhead, tasting the rich essence of his lover. Blair screamed in ecstasy.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH, Jim! Jim! Jim!..."

Blair's hips bucked upwards and Jim reached out with his free hand, placing it on Blair's hip to keep him still. Jim released Blair's cock and slid his fingers along his muscular thighs. He bent down and kissed his Guide's scrotum, took one testicle into his mouth, sucking it and licking it smoothly. Then, he did the same courtesy to the other one.

Blair was whimpering above him, moaning and groaning helplessly.

Jim licked the base of Blair's cock, then, gave a long, slow, feline lick along the length of his Guide's penis... from base to tip. Jim could feel the burning flesh under his tongue shudder and pulse. He closed his lips around the head of Blair's cock and sucked on it passionately, rolling his tongue sensually around the glans and along the slit.

"Jim... Jim... ohmigod... ohmigod... Jim... Jim... Jim..."

Hearing Blair's pleadings drove Jim crazy. He took all of Blair into his mouth and started to deep throat him. Jim was going up and down his Guide's cock, working his lips and tongue hungrily on the burning skin, working the back muscles of his throat on the head of Blair's penis.

He slid his hand between Blair's thighs, cupped his balls and started to massage them at the same time he was sucking him. Blair was now clenching the sheets frantically, biting his bottom lip to muffle his screams.

Suddenly, Blair arched his back, threw his head back and cried out so loudly Jim though the neighbors would come and ask who had been killed. Blair came hard; his body convulsing and trembling mercilessly. His cock pulsed furiously and released his hot milky juices.

"JIM!!! JIIIMMMM! URGGGHHHHH JIM!..."

Jim swallowed it all, savoring his Guide's essence. He drank the last drop, and licked his lips, moaning.

"Oh, Blair, honey... you taste so good... I... I love you so much."

Jim lay back against Blair and took him into his arms. He positioned Blair so that his Guide's head was resting on his chest. Blair sighed in delight and slid his arms around Jim's waist. Then, he let his fingers trail around his broad chest.

"I love you so much too, Jim." whispered Blair around Jim's right nipple.

Jim shivered, feeling the moist breath of his lover against his burning skin. Blair closed his lips around the hardening nub and sucked on it hungrily, making slurping, lapping noises which drove Jim even crazier.

Jim cupped Blair's face and drew him close for a feverish kiss. Blair could taste himself in Jim's mouth. He moaned and broke the kiss. He plunged his mouth down onto his Sentinel's straining hard on. He wasted no time and swallowed the whole length of Jim, sucking hard and fast, cupping his lover's balls and massaging them with his palm.

Jim couldn't hold on anymore. He slid the fingers of his left hand into Blair's soft curls and grabbed his Guide's shoulder with his right hand. Blair felt Jim shiver and moan louder and knew his Sentinel was close.

"Blair... Blair, baby... OH, BLAIR..."

Blair sucked hard once, twice... Jim growled like the black jaguar he was deep inside, arching up so high off the bed that Blair thought he was going to take off, and came in strong, long pulses into his Guide's mouth.

"BLAIR... URRGGGHHHHMMMMPPHHHH..."

Blair drank the whole nectar that was his Sentinel, sucking him clean and licking the last drops from his lips and the corners of his mouth.

Blair lay on Jim and kissed him. They could taste each other in the other's mouth. They finally broke apart and Blair rested his head on Jim's chest. They remained like that, listening to each other's thundering heartbeats.

***

Some time later, Jim was still sliding his fingers along Blair's spine and Blair was still purring under his caresses, his head resting on Jim's chest. Blair rubbed his cheek against Jim's torso and kissed the sweaty skin between his Sentinel's nipples. Then, he kissed his way up and nibbled at Jim's shoulder, neck and Adam's apple, causing a bright hickey to form on Jim's neck.

Jim could feel his Guide's renewing erection as Blair began rocking gently against him, his own penis starting to harden in response. Jim cupped Blair's buttocks and pulled him closer, shifting a little, so now, their cocks were sliding along each other.

Blair lifted his head, staring into Jim's ice blue eyes and kissed him. Jim released Blair's buttocks and reached between their bodies with his right hand. Blair lifted himself a bit to give Jim better access, and Jim closed his fist around Blair's cock.

Blair moaned deeply in his throat and threw his head back. Jim started to pump him slowly and Blair reached for Jim's cock, matching his Sentinel's movements. Then, Blair let his hand trail down to Jim's balls and massaged them with his palm, fingers spread wide.

Jim was thrusting upward into Blair's hand and quickened his strokes just a little. Suddenly, one of Blair's fingers slid between Jim's buttocks and brushed his anus inadvertently. Jim bucked hard against the burning digit and growled.

"Urrggghhhh, Blair... want you... want you in me... take me."

Blair froze and his erection faltered in Jim's fist. His penis passed from fully hard to completely soft and he started to shiver helplessly. Jim closed his arms around his Guide's trembling body and held him tightly.

"What's wrong, Chief? Blair, honey, tell me."

Blair buried his head into Jim's neck and cried.

"I'm so sorry, Jim. I can't... I... I... I just can't..."

"Shhhhh, it's okay. It's okay... You wanna talk about it? Just tell me what's wrong."

"I can't... I can't do it to you, Jim. I don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't hurt me, we'll take our time and everything will be okay. Unless you don't wanna do it... It's up to you, I don't want you to do something you don't wanna do, Blair."

Blair lifted his head and Jim could see the fear in his ocean blue eyes.

"Jim, I... uh... I'd give everything to make love to you, but I'm afraid to hurt you... Do it to me first, Jim... I need to know I won't hurt you..."

Now, it was Jim's turn to freak out. Blair having been raped, Jim was afraid to make love to him in that manner for fear he might hurt Blair, who might panic from the memory of the rape...

"You sure? I mean, you sure you're really ready for this."

"Yeah," breathed Blair huskily, trying to stop crying.

Then, he rolled off Jim, lay on his belly, and spread his legs, waiting. Jim felt the tears running down his cheeks, watching Blair submit to him like that tore his heart apart.

He leaned over Blair, giving him a few butterfly kisses on his shoulder blades, then he placed his hand on his Guide's arm and turned him over so they were face to face.

"No, Blair. Not like that. I want to see you. I want you to see me... And I don't want you to have to submit... I... uh... I... Oh, God, Chief... you know I'm bad with words," laughed Jim nervously. "I'd like... I mean... even if you want me to do it to you... I'd like you to lead... I'd like you to do what you want, whenever you want..."

"Yes... but how?" asked Blair still shaking.

"I don't know..."

Jim closed his eyes and started to think, suddenly, he had an idea. He lay next to Blair, rolling him on his side to face him. He grabbed the lube, drew Blair closer and started to kiss him amorously. He opened the lube, took Blair's hand and entwined their fingers.

Blair pulled Jim closer so their bodies fit perfectly. He closed his free arm around Jim's back and started to slide his fingers along his spine. Jim held Blair's hand in front of his mouth and kissed his Guide's fingers, then sucked on them. He released the wet digits and spread some lube on them.

Blair stared, puzzled, into Jim's eyes.

"Jim... you... I want you in me."

"I know, baby."

Jim took hold of Blair's wrist and led his lubed fingers between his Guide's buttocks. Feeling his own sticky fingers against his burning skin made Blair moan, and his cock started to harden again.

Blair looked into Jim's eyes and saw them sparkle with love. He smiled as he began to slide one finger along and around his opening.

Jim held Blair's wrist to let him know he was there with him, but didn't push him, didn't force him. He pulled Blair even closer and kissed him passionately.

Blair slid one finger inside himself; to the first knuckle, then the entire finger. He started to thrust slowly in and out of his body, letting his muscles adjust to the intrusion. After an eternity, he attempted a second finger. This time, the muscles fought a little more and Blair bit his bottom lip.

"Wait," said Jim.

He took the lube and Blair slid his finger out. Jim brought Blair's trembling hand in front of him and sucked the digit that had just been inside his lover. Blair moaned because of the erotic act and his cock hardened a little more. Jim poured more lube on two fingers and guided Blair's hand behind him again.

The first finger slid in back inside easily. It took some time, but the second one finally joined its mate. When the tip of the second finger entered him, Blair bit his bottom lip and held back a little cry of pain. Jim immediately cupped his Guide's face in his hands, and watched the angelic face with concern.

"Blair, honey, are you okay? Is it painful? We can stop if you want."

Blair relaxed and smiled.

"No, I'm okay, Jim. And, oh man, I sure don't wanna stop."

Jim returned Blair's smile and resumed his kisses... on Blair's lips, chin, neck, Adam's apple, ears, eyes... Blair relaxed completely and his second finger slid entirely inside with the first one. He waited a moment, then started to thrust them slowly in and out of his body.

Finally, Blair slid his fingers out of himself and looked at Jim. Jim reached out a trembling hand and caressed his beloved Guide's cheek.

"I'm ready, Jim. I want you inside me."

"Oh, Blair, I want you so much too."

Jim sat back up and drew Blair onto his lap. Blair straddled Jim and began to kiss him, his fingers trailing all over his Sentinel's smooth chest. Blair could feel Jim's penis against his balls and ass and leaned backward a little, moaning huskily.

"Take me, Jim. Please, take me," groaned Blair, plunging his mouth into Jim's neck, ravishing it with hot kisses.

"No, Chief," whispered Jim.

Blair looked up, pain all over his beautiful face, his erection faltering again. Jim knew too well that Blair had misunderstood him.

"Oh, no, Blair... I... no, I didn't mean... I didn't mean I didn't wanna take you... I... I... Oh, shit, what a moron I am... Blair, honey, I meant... I want you to lead... I want you to do it your way... to take control, to go at your own pace... Go when you want, stop when you need... You understand me?"

Blair's face lit up and a bright smile appeared.

"Jesus, Jim... You should learn to express your feelings, man. Look what you're doing to me," Blair looked down at his softened penis, then looked back up at Jim smiling devilishly.

"I'm sorry," whispered Jim into Blair's neck.

Jim kissed Blair, taking his hand in his and sliding their joined hands between his Guide's thighs. He closed Blair's fingers around his painful erection and Blair started to pump him slowly. Jim was purring under Blair's caresses. He grabbed the lube and gave it to Blair.

Blair took the lube, spread some in his hand, closing it into a fist to warm the cool gel. Then, he started to lubricate his Sentinel's cock. Meanwhile, Blair reached for Jim's hand, placed it around his penis and started to pump himself between their hands.

Blair took his hand off his cock and Jim began to caress him. They were still kissing as Blair placed his free hand on Jim's shoulder. He lifted himself up, and with his other hand, brought the head of Jim's cock against his burning opening. When their skin made contact, they both growled in ecstasy.

Jim started to slide the fingers of his free hand through Blair's soft curls, while still pumping him with the other. Blair turned his head, kissed Jim's wrist, giving it a hot, wet lick. Then, he lowered himself slowly onto Jim's cock. He made a few attempts, brushing the head of Jim's penis against his anus, then pushed harder.

Blair cried out in pain/pleasure when Jim finally slid into him.

"Chief? Blair, baby, you okay?" asked Jim worried.

Blair stared into his Sentinel's ice blues eyes and smiled.

"Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. I'm more than okay."

He pushed harder and half of Jim's penis slid inside. He pushed back up and let Jim slide almost completely out, except for the head of his cock. Then, he plunged back down again. This time, Jim slid entirely inside. Blair again cried out in pain/pleasure. He stopped, allowing his muscles to relax, and kissed Jim.

"I love you, Jim," murmured Blair into Jim's mouth.

"I love you too, Blair," answered Jim.

Blair started to move up and down, impaling himself on his Sentinel's penis. Jim was still pumping Blair's cock which was completely hard now. Blair was moving slowly, savoring the feelings that flowed trough his entire body. Suddenly, he shifted and changed the angle of his body. His next movement caused him shout out in pure bliss when the head of Jim's cock hit his prostate.

He sped up the rhythm a bit, Jim matching his strokes. They rocked and moved like that for a while when suddenly, Blair grabbed Jim's shoulders with both hands, threw his head back and howled... coming hard... shooting his milky essence on his lover's hand and chest.

"JIM... AHHHHHHHHHH GAWD!!!... Jimmm... Jiiiimmmm..."

Feeling Blair's muscles contract around his cock and watching him experience such an intense orgasm sent Jim over the edge, and he followed Blair. He tightened his grip on Blair's hair, still pumping him with his other hand, and shot his own milky juices into his Guide's body, shaking helplessly, spiraling into the power of his own climax.

"URGGGGhhhhhhh... Blair... baby... Oh god, Blair..."

Jim dropped backwards onto the bed and Blair fell flat against his Sentinel's chest. Jim closed his arms around his Guide's body, caressing his back as he gave his forehead a tender kiss.

"Love you, Blair."

"Love you too, Jim."

***

They slept for a few hours. Jim was awakened by the feel of something... or rather someone... sucking his right nipple. Blair was sleeping but erotically sucking Jim's already hardened nub. He closed his eyes and allowed Blair's tongue and lips to drive him crazy. His cock started to wake up.

When the pleasure turned to pain from the intense stimulation, Jim woke Blair up.

"Chief? Chief? Wake up. Wake up, baby. Blair?"

"Mmmm," protested Blair, still sucking on Jim's nipple like a baby's bottle.

"Blair? Wake up, please."

Jim took Blair's face in his hands and lifted his head, trying to detach him from his nipple. Blair's lips released the aching nub with a wet slurp. Blair started to open and close his mouth, searching for his lost pride; then, he opened his eyes.

Jim was staring at him, smiling.

"What?" asked Blair in a sleepy voice.

"Oh, God, Chief, you look like a fish..."

"What?" asked Blair stunned.

"You're moving your lips like a fish."

"What?" asked Blair for the third time.

Jim shook his head and pulled Blair in for a kiss.

"Nothing, Chief... forget I said anything."

Jim continued to kiss Blair slowly at first, the kiss becoming passionate, igniting them both on fire. Their tongues met, danced, fought... Blair started to rub his hardening cock against Jim's.

Blair broke the kiss and stared into his Sentinel's ice blue eyes which were darkened with desire and lust.

"I want you, Jim. I wanna make love to you."

"Oh, Blair, baby... You sure?"

"Jim, stop asking me if I'm sure," mocked Blair. "Oh, yeah, man. I'm sure... really sure... really really sure that I wanna make love to you."

Blair slid down Jim's body, leaving a wet trail of licks and kisses along his Sentinel's skin. He kissed his muscular thighs, then nibbled gently at Jim's ass. When he slid his tongue between his buttocks, Jim growled loudly and arched his back. Blair circled Jim's anus with the tip of his tongue, pushing against the puckered opening.

Finally, the tip of Blair's tongue slipped into Jim's body and Jim thrust back, fucking himself on his Guide's tongue. Blair started to massage Jim's balls with one hand and stroked his cock with the other. Jim was purring and moaning mercilessly under Blair's caresses.

Blair slipped his tongue out of Jim and reached for the lube. He poured some on his index finger and started to tease Jim's opening. After a couple of strokes, the muscles gave in and Blair's digit slid inside easily, all the way in a single thrust. Jim arched his back and moaned in pure bliss.

Blair started to thrust his finger in and out of Jim, Jim pushing back against it. Blair slipped his finger out and poured more lube on his hand. This time, he probed the entry with two fingers. After a couple of attempts, the muscles gave in and his fingers slid inside up to the first knuckle.

Blair thrust a few times and his fingers slid all the way inside. Jim started to rock backwards, impaling himself on his Guide's fingers, moaning louder and louder.

"Blair... oh God... Baby... Now... Please... Please..."

Blair removed his fingers from Jim's body and took the lube. He put a large amount of the sticky gel on his cock and with a shaking hand, spread Jim's legs wider. He lay on top of Jim, grabbed his cock and positioned himself between Jim's buttocks.

He pushed against Jim's opening tentatively a few times, then, the head of his cock slid inside. Jim bit his bottom lip and moaned. Blair looked at Jim, hesitating.

"It's okay, baby. Go on. Go on... Oh, God, Blair, that's good."

Blair felt his heartbeat slowing. He took a deep breath, regaining his strength and pushed again. He slid halfway inside, then slid back out a little. Jim put his hands on his Guide's hips and pulled him closer, pressing against him. Blair pushed back in and slid all the way inside smoothly.

Jim growled loudly and closed his arms around Blair's back. Blair lay on top of Jim, thrusting slowly, gently. Jim kissed him and they moved together... as if in slow motion... savoring the moment.

Blair reached between their bodies and closed his fist around Jim's cock. He started to pump him in the same motion as he was pounding into his Sentinel's body.

Jim moved with Blair who started to thrust deeper, brushing Jim's prostate. They were both extremely close and couldn't hold on too much longer. Blair kissed Jim's neck, sucking on his skin and licking the sweat from his lover's body. He kissed his way up to Jim's ear and nibbled it, slid his tongue inside, then bit and sucked on his Sentinel's earlobe.

Blair pursued his kisses, still thrusting slowly into Jim and pumping his cock with the same rhythm. When Blair closed his lips around Jim's begging nipple and rolled his tongue over his shivering skin, Jim screamed as he came.

"URGGGGGGGGGHHMmmmppphhhh... Blair... Oh, Blair..."

Feeling the burning muscles constrict around his cock, and Jim's hot milky seed on his hand and between their bodies triggered Blair's arousal, who joined Jim with his own intense orgasm. He released his own creamy essence deep into his Sentinel's body in long, wild pulses.

"JIIIMMM... Ohmigod... Ohmigod... Jim... Jim... Jimmmm..."

Blair fell on top of Jim, his body limp.

"Oh, Chief... Blair... that was... that was incredible," breathed Jim harshly.

"Oh, yeah, man," answered Blair, already drifting into sleep.

"Blair, honey?"

"Mmmm?"

"I love you."

"Luv... u... too... Jim," and Blair fell asleep.

Jim felt tears running down his cheeks as he tightened his arms around the wonderful man sleeping on top of his body, still buried deep inside of him... the man he loved with every beat of his heart, soul, body and mind.

They had finally gotten over it together... They may have lost the battle, but they had won the war.

The End

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