Work Text:
Sensed
by Mia Athlas
Summary: Blair gets to the bottom of Jim's disturbing behavior and makes a discovery about his sentinel's abilities.
Disclaimer: The characters used here, sadly, do not belong to me. They are the property of Pet Fly and UPN. I have received no monetary reward, I do it simply for fun.
Contains m/m sex. If you are under 18, do not read this.
Sensed
By Mia Athlas
"Uh...Jim?"
"Yeah, Chief?" Jim asked, popping his head over the railing to his loft bedroom.
"What's this?" Blair gestured towards the fish mug sitting on the counter.
Jim grinned. "That's for you. I saw it in a shop downtown and I figured I might as well pick it up. Your old one is looking pretty worn out so..." He shrugged and disappeared from sight again.
"Oh, okay, thanks," Blair said uncertainly. "I actually broke my old one today, so this is good timing." He added under his breath, "too good".
"What was that, Chief?"
"Nothing, Jim. I'll start dinner." Blair moved around the counter into the kitchen wondering for the twentieth time what was going on. It took him a second to register the boiling water.
"Uh...Jim?"
"Yo," the older man said, coming down the stairs.
"What's the water for?"
"Pasta."
"What pasta? Did you pick some up on the way home? We were out yesterday."
"No, Sandburg...you did." Jim responded dryly as he snatched the box of pasta from the grocery bag that the young man was carrying. Then, ignoring his partner, he continued on with the dinner preparation.
Blair stared at his partner's back as the older man worked, then sighed and put away the rest of the groceries. No matter what Jim said, he was not imagining things. Something was definitely going on and he was going to find out what-- with or without Jim's help.
He settled into the couch with a beer in his hand, content to let Jim finish making dinner by himself. Lately, it was like his partner seemed to know what he was thinking. Maybe that was it! Maybe Jim had developed the ability to read his mind. With all the other abilities the sentinel seemed to be developing lately it wasn't that far fetched. Worth investigating anyway.
Blair concentrated and projected really hard, 'Jim is an anal retentive prick.'
He waited.
Nothing.
Maybe the thought wasn't serious enough to cause a reaction. Blair stared at Jim and tried again. 'How am I ever going to tell Jim that the mayor has forced Simon to revoke my observer's pass?'
He waited again.
Nothing.
Blair scowled and a thought occurred to him. If Jim really could read his mind then the sentinel would know that he was trying to trick him. Damn. He leaned back into the seat, closing his eyes.
"Everything okay, Chief?"
'As if you don't already know,' Blair thought. Out loud he responded. "Yeah, Jim. I'm just tired."
"Maybe you should make it an early night?"
"No, man. I can't. I've got a date."
"Oh."
Blair opened his eyes. Did Jim just sound upset that he had a date? He looked over but the older man was already back at the stove. Okay, maybe he couldn't read his mind. If he could, he would have known that he had a date and that his date wasn't quite of the female persuasion. Surely that would have gotten a reaction. Blair smiled to himself.
He had tried to tell Jim that he swung both ways but the older man never seemed to want to discuss it. It was time that he had to face up to the fact that Blair was not strictly heterosexual, hence his male date picking him up at the loft in a couple of hours.
They ate quickly, then Blair hurried into his room to change. The doorbell rang just as he was finishing. He heard Jim answer it.
"Hello, can I help you?"
"Yes sir. Is Blair ready?"
Blair could almost hear Jim's jaw hit his chest.
"Uh, sure, yeah...come on in. Hey...don't I know you from somewhere?" Jim asked.
"Yes, Detective Ellison. I didn't think you'd remember me. I don't quite make the same impression as you and your partner."
"Yeah, yeah...you're Michaels...Donald, right? The hold up a few months ago?"
"Correct, Detective. I never did get the chance to thank you for what you did."
Blair walked out of his room and grinned at his date. Donald's eyes traveled the length of his body and Blair flushed with pleasure. Nothing like being appraised by an appreciative eye to bolster your self esteem.
He had left his hair down and dressed in a soft burgundy silk shirt with a colorful Navaho vest and his best pair of jeans. Donald wasn't looking too shabby himself. The 6 foot man was dressed all in black, complete with a black sports jacket. That combined with his jet black hair and sturdy build made for a dangerous appeal. Blair was suddenly glad that he had put his cards on the table when the other man had asked him out.
He had told him that he did not want a commitment. That he was already committed to another. Donald understood and they both agreed just to go out and dance and have some fun. Throw off real life for the night.
"Hey, Donny, are you ready?" Blair asked with a smile.
"Whenever you are, Blair."
Before they could leave, Jim blocked their way. "So where are you guys headed tonight?"
Blair just stared at his partner, unable to believe how quickly he seemed to accept that he was dating a guy.
Donny answered for them. "We're going to the 'Fox'.
The detective had to know the name. It was the club to go to in Cascade for non-hetero people.
Jim just nodded. "Great place. I haven't been there in a while though."
"Do you want to come along detective?" Donny asked. It was obvious that he didn't expect Jim to say yes. It was a question of politeness only.
Jim flashed his best smile. "Sure. I'd like that. Are you sure you two don't mind?"
Blair watched in amazement as Jim leaned toward Donny and put his hand on the other man's shoulder, smiling at him. If Blair didn't know better he would think that his partner was coming on to his date. Donny looked understandably dazzled by the attention.
"No. Please. You're welcome to come," Donny stammered.
Jim turned to Blair, his expression unreadable. "Chief?"
Blair shrugged. "Sure Jim. What the hell. Maybe afterwards we can all kiss goodnight," he answered sarcastically.
Jim nodded, ignoring the tone. "Great. Be right down." With that he bounded up the stairs, presumably to change.
Blair and Donny stood uncomfortably for a moment before Donny broke the silence.
"Your roommate seems...uh...friendly," he ventured.
"Yeah, he's a regular Mr. Rogers. Listen Donny, if you want to do this another time, I'd understand."
"No, man. It's fine. But you should know, I'm not really into...well...you know."
"No...what?" Blair asked, having no idea what Donny was getting at.
"You know...threesomes. You were up front with me about not wanting a relationship so I'll be up front with you. I'm a one man kind of guy. As attractive as both you and Detective Ellison are, I'm not interested in becoming the meat in your sandwich, if you get my drift."
Blair stared at him open-mouthed. Donny thought that he had brought him there for some sort of kinky threesome with Jim?
"No, man, you've got it all wrong..." Blair was cut off by Jim's return.
"Ready to go guys?" the sentinel asked.
Blair sighed and gave up. "Sure man. Let..." he stopped dead once again as he saw Jim. He heard Donny say quietly beside him, "Then again maybe I was too hasty."
Jim was dressed in the tightest leather pants that Blair had ever seen, topped by a muscle hugging white T-shirt. Simple but on Jim...perfect. Blair couldn't help but notice how the shirt augmented his muscular chest and how the leather pants accentuated his slim hips and firm thighs. Blair stopped that train of thought immediately.
"Is this okay?" Jim asked gesturing at his outfit.
Blair found his mind wandering once again, trying to picture how his partner's butt looked encased in that tight leather. He shivered and felt his cock stir.
"Oh man, is it alright!" Donny enthused. He looked back and forth between the two men. "I think that arriving with the two of you is going to improve my image for years. Promise that you'll both dance with me at least once?"
Jim smiled. "Sure...let's go."
Blair followed behind the other men, taking the opportunity to check out how his imagination was working, and wondering what the alien looked like who was wearing a brand new 'Jim suit'.
Two hours later Blair was sitting, nursing his beer and watching Jim and Donny slow dance. Unbelievable. His worry about what was going on with Jim was replaced by seething jealousy.
"Feeling deserted, beautiful?" a voice whispered in his ear. Blair jumped and turned.
"Gary!" When did you get back?" he stood and threw his arms around the other man.
The blonde laughed and hugged Blair back. "Only a couple of days ago. Kenya was great. Too bad you weren't able to make the expedition."
Blair glanced back at the dance floor, but didn't see Jim. He'd rather the other man didn't know he'd passed up another expedition.
"Come on, let's find somewhere quieter to talk," Blair yelled.
The quieter place turned out to be a nook, outside the building.
Blair turned around to ask Gary about his trip only to find himself pushed back against the cement wall--the other man's lips pressed hard against his own. Blair pushed him away.
"Come on Gary, quit it," he sighed. "Nothing's changed."
Gary just grinned. "Come on Blair. Just like before...no strings."
Gary pressed against him again, holding him to the wall.
Blair felt a moment of claustrophobia and pushed hard, turning his face away from the kiss. "I said stop it!"
Suddenly the other man was gone and Blair wasn't terribly surprised to see a very angry Detective Ellison standing over Gary...who he had obviously just knocked on his butt.
Gary looked up rubbing his jaw. "Jim Ellison I presume?"
Jim looked a bit startled that the man knew his name but did not let his guard down.
Stepping away from the wall, Blair fixed his partner with a hard look. "Jim, what are you doing, man?"
Jim looked confused. "Saving your butt, Sandburg. He wouldn't leave you alone." His tone said clearly that the answer was obvious.
Blair felt his anger grow and struggled to speak rationally to his partner, who had gone back to glaring down at Gary.
They all looked up as Donny turned the corner. "Jim, where are you going..."
He stopped as he took in the scene before him. Blair was disheveled and scowling. Jim looked ready to pull his gun, fists clenched and some unknown guy was sitting on the ground looking like he might burst out laughing at any minute. "Sorry guys. Am I interrupting something?"
Blair sighed. "No. Just Jim rushing to my rescue...except of course I didn't need saving." He directed the last part of his sentence toward his partner then reached down and helped Gary up. "Ignore my partner, man. Sometimes he forgets to use his head."
Gary smiled. "Hey, no problem Blair." He turned to Jim, who looked ready to hit him again. "Take it easy, buddy. I was just fooling around." He backed up and ducked behind Donny as Jim took a step closer.
Blair moved quickly in front of his partner. "Jim, stop it!" he said sharply. "Gary is a friend of mine. He was just being an idiot as usual. He wouldn't have hurt me." He turned to the other two men, his back to Jim. "We're going to need a minute guys. Oh by the way Donny-Gary...Gary-Donny."
Gary look at the handsome dark-haired man and smiled. "Can I buy you a drink?"
Donny smiled back and nodded. "Sure. I've never been one to turn down a free drink." As they walked away Gary looked back and winked at Blair, then put an arm over Donny's shoulders and mouthed, "thank you." Blair grinned, then frowned and turned back to Jim.
Blair took two deep breaths before speaking. "Well?"
Jim stared back defiantly. "You were scared, Sandburg. I heard your heart rate accelerate." The sentinel said the words like an accusation.
"Jim, did you ever stop and think that maybe my heart rate accelerated because I was aroused?"
Jim blinked. "But...you said no...I heard that and he wasn't stopping..."
"Listen Jim. Gary's an old friend of mine. He was goofing around. It was nothing. Well, it was nothing until you showed up and punched him. Next time, how about a little talk before the fists start flying? That's all I ask, okay?"
Jim nodded. "I can do that. Sorry, Chief." Blair smiled. At least his partner had the good sense to look abashed.
"Good. Do you want to go back inside?"
"Not really, you?"
"Nah. Let's go home. I'm sure Donald will be plenty occupied for the rest of the night if Gary has anything to say about it." They turned to go, then Blair stopped Jim with a hand on his arm.
"Just how did you know where I was?" Blair looked around at the relatively hidden alley. No way could Jim have tracked him by hearing through all the noise in the club.
Jim got that same cryptic expression on his face that he had been wearing off and on for the last few weeks. Before Blair could question him further Jim pulled away. "I'll bring the truck around." Then he was gone.
Blair sighed and leaned against the building to wait.
While he waited, he plotted. It was obvious that Jim didn't want him to know whatever was going on...but this time there was no way he was going to let him get away with it. It looked like it was time for him to put all he had learned about detective work over the past three years to good use.
The next morning Blair went out into the living room and greeted Jim warmly. The surprised sentinel just stared at him, obviously wondering at the change in mood but wisely staying silent.
"I'm in court today, Chief. Want to meet for lunch?"
"Sure, Jim. I'll meet you at the courthouse," Blair replied offhandedly. Inside he was cheering. Perfect. They parted company at their vehicles but Blair turned his car toward the police station, not the University.
Step one underway. Canvas the neighbors of the victim...or suspect. Blair wasn't sure just which category Jim fit into yet. He began to systematically track down and question each member of Major Crimes about his partner, gathering more and more information as the day progressed.
Witness #1: Henri Brown
"Jimbo? Oh yeah hairboy. Now that you mention it he did do something odd yesterday. I was going into the coffee room and there he was, pouring coffee and staring off into space. His cup had overflowed and he was still pouring. He jumped a mile when I touched his shoulder. It was really weird. Almost like he was in a trance or something. It's happened a few times now that I think about it. Is something wrong with him, Blair?"
Blair found a way to leave without answering. Zoning. Jim was zoning again and hadn't told him. He wondered what else the sentinel was hiding.
Witness #2 Detective Rafe
"Well, I don't know whether I should say anything Sandburg. I think I'd be a dead man if he ever found out."
Blair thought it was funny how a simple threat to let Simon know just who had put that exploding cigar into the captain's cigar box on the day that the mayor was visiting loosened up the detective's tongue.
"Okay. I'll tell you but I'll kill you myself if you ever let Ellison know where you got your information. I walked into the bathroom the day before yesterday and found Ellison standing very still staring at his reflection in the mirror. His hands were wet...like he'd just washed them but forgotten to dry. He said something like, "damn, Chief," then fell silent again. I waved a hand behind him, but he didn't react. I looked around for you, figuring you had to be lurking somewhere...but you weren't. Then he...umm...you see...he...ah...OUCH! Damn it, Blair, I was getting to it!" Rafe scowled at the young man who had just slapped him on the back of the head and was now waiting impatiently for him to continue.
"He started...getting an erection," Rafe blurted out, blushing furiously. "I mean, I couldn't help but notice, he must really be well endowed," Rafe explained as if Blair were going to accuse him of walking around all day staring at Jim's crotch.
"What time was this?" Blair interrupted.
"It was after lunch. Oneish."
Blair remember very well what he had been up to right then and who he had been up to it with. "What did you do?"
Rafe looked shocked. "What do you think I did? I got the hell out of there...then I watched the door to make sure no one else went in. When Ellison left he acted like nothing had happened. I honestly don't think he remembered me being there. I'm worried about him, Blair. This isn't the first time I've seen him acting oddly. I've been debating whether to go to Simon or to you. If he's blacking out or something..." He left the rest unsaid. "You'll take care of this won't you?"
"Leave it to me, Rafe," Blair affirmed.
Witness #3: Megan Conner
"Odd? Yeah. Yesterday I guess, but then everything you Yanks do seems odd to me," Megan said, smirking. "Seriously though, I was going to talk to you about it. Jim and I were discussing a case yesterday when all of the sudden he just froze...I tried not to let on to anyone cause I thought it might have something to do with..." Megan lowered her voice even more, "....his sentinel abilities. Then all of the sudden he's back with this huge ear to ear grin on his face. He wouldn't tell me why. He just grinned and said that he had to go meet you for lunch. Is that normal for sentinels, Sandy?"
"Don't worry Megan, I'll take care of it."
Blair walked away. Yesterday he had managed to spill his carrot juice all down the front of his pants and Jim had shown up with a convenient extra pair of sweat pants in his truck. Blair was starting to get an idea of what was happening here. Fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, it didn't involve Jim reading his mind...well not exactly anyhow.
Witness #4: Captain Simon Banks
Blair approached the captain's office warily. This was the most important witness. The only other man that Jim might have shared his secret with--a secret that he refused to share with his guide. This was going to take extra finesse. He decided that the best approach would be to feel it out and adopt a policy of 'pretending to know more than he actually did.'
"Simon, can we talk?" Blair asked poking his head into the captain's office.
"Sure Sandburg, come on in." Simon put down the report he was studying and leaned back in his chair as Blair came in and closed the door. He sat down and began. "I wanted to talk to you about Jim. I'm not sure what to do about his problem. Do you have any thoughts?"
Simon took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "God, I don't know, Sandburg. This is more your line. I'm just glad he finally told you."
Blair kept his shock off his face. Jim had told Simon. His partner had told his Captain what he refused to tell his friend and guide. The realization hurt. Blair pushed away the feeling and continued. "Yeah man. I'm still not sure why he waited so long to tell me."
Simon leaned forward, elbows on the desk and regarded Blair thoughtfully. "You know how he is Blair. A thing like this...to borrow a phrase from you, he thought you'd freak or something."
"Well, ah, it was a shock Simon, I'm not denying that..." Blair obfuscated till Simon interrupted.
"You don't know, do you Sandburg? He didn't tell you?"
Blair found lying to the Captain was more difficult than he anticipated. Finally he let out a breath. "No, Simon. But I know something's wrong. You've got to tell me, man!" he implored.
"You sneaky bastard. You're good Sandburg, you almost had me convinced....almost. Sorry, this is Ellison's secret to tell. Not get the hell out of my office."
"But Simon..."The captain held up a hand, then jerked his finger toward the door. When Blair stood to leave Simon added," You tell Ellison that he either tells you what's going on or I will. It's beginning to effect his job."
Blair grinned at the other man. "Thanks, Captain." This was just the leverage he needed to force Jim's hand.
Blair was waiting for Jim when the Sentinel returned to the loft after his day in court.
"Hey, Chief, I missed you for lunch," Jim stated, hanging up his coat.
"Hi Jim, sorry about that -- I was in the middle of something. I ordered pizza. You probably just have enough time to change before it gets here."
Jim shrugged. "Sure Chief...be right down."
The pizza was waiting by the time he came back down the stairs. They ate quietly. When the meal had been cleaned up they both sat on the couch but Blair stopped his partner as Jim reached for the remote.
Jim turned and gave Blair his attention. "What's up, Chief?"
"Funny, Jim. I was just about to ask you that. Guess what I've been doing today?"
Jim shrugged. "Going to your classes is a safe bet."
"I went to the station."
"Why?" the sentinel asked warily.
"I wanted a few answers Jim and what I discovered scared me."
"Oh, and what did you 'discover'?" Jim asked nonchalantly, sipping his beer.
Blair almost smiled. Jim was definitely a cool customer. "I had a few interesting conversations with the Major Crimes detectives. It seems you've been acting strangely lately at the station.
"I don't know what you're talking about Chief." Jim stood but Blair grabbed his arm.
"Sit. Back. Down," the younger man hissed. Jim relented and sat down stiffly.
"I have a message from Simon. Tell me what's going on or he will. He says it's beginning to affect your job." Blair paused but there was no reaction from his partner.
"For fuck's sake, Jim! You've been zoning at work! What if that happens during something dangerous? You could be killed...someone else could be killed. Could you live with that?"
Jim stood and pulled away this time. He started up the stairs to his room without answering, Blair right on his heels.
"You are not going to walk away from me this time, man. Do I hear it from my best friend or do I have to hear it from Simon?"
Jim sat heavily onto the bed, hands clasped in front of him and finally met Blair's gaze. "Okay, Sandburg, I'll tell you. You have to promise not to leave or freak out on me."
Blair knelt in front of Jim. "Jim, I'm not going anywhere. I thought I made that clear when I moved back in here. Now, I know this has something to do with your senses and I know that it has something to do with me, what is it?"
"I wanted to tell you Blair, I really did, but I just didn't know how. At first I didn't think you'd stay if you knew...then later, too much time had passed and...and I liked it." Jim took a deep breath. "Remember when we were chasing Alex...how I seemed to be tuning into her? I had flashes where I could see what she was doing, almost like a movie in my head."
"Yeah," Blair said and suddenly it was all clear.
His first reaction was excitement. "Wow, Jim. Are you telling me that that's what's been going on? You've been 'tuning in' to me?"
Jim nodded, looking unnerved by Blair's reaction.
Blair's second reaction was confusion. "Why didn't you tell me? How long has this been going on?"
"Since I brought you back at the fountain. I think it has something to do with that. Lately though, it's gotten worse. I can't seem to control it."
Blair's third and overwhelming reaction was anger. "You rotten son of a bitch. That was over four months ago. Four months, Jim! You've kept this from me for four months? God, I feel like I've just discovered a peeping-Tom on my balcony."
His last reaction was fear as he remembered exactly what he had been doing during Jim's zone out in front of Rafe in the precinct's bathroom...and the very male friend he had been doing it with. Fortunately anger made a quick resurgence. He stood, hands clenched at his sides.
"I can't believe you, Jim...I can't believe you wouldn't tell me this."
"I'm sorry," Jim whispered, his head down. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe. When I tuned into what you were doing, it...I don't know...comforted me, I guess."
"Jim, I'm only going to ask you this once and you'd better have a good answer," Blair said through clenched teeth. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Jim looked up and flinched as he saw the fury in the young man's eyes. He put his head down again, staring at his hands before answering. "I knew you'd find a way to make it stop." He looked up again and met Blair's eyes. "God help me Blair, I don't want it to stop!"
Blair blinked, trying to take in the meaning behind those words. "I need time to think," he said finally and turned to leave. Jim reached out and grabbed his arm.
"You promised," he said in a soft desperate voice.
"I'm not leaving for good, Jim. I'm just going for a walk. I'll be back." The older man released his hand. Blair turned back to look at him as he started down the stairs. The sentinel had his head in his hands, shoulders slumped. Steeling himself to ignore Jim's pain, he turned away and, after grabbing his jacket, fled the apartment.
When Blair returned two hours later he found Jim on his hands and knees in the kitchen--scrubbing furiously. He was so intent on his task that he didn't hear Blair's entry.
"What are you doing Jim?" Blair asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. The older man jumped and Blair suppressed a chuckle. He couldn't remember the last time that he had managed to sneak up on his partner.
Jim went back to his task. "I'm cleaning the floor."
"Why are you cleaning the floor at 10pm...and why aren't you using a mop?"
Pausing, Jim answered. "I spilled my beer and when I knelt down to clean it up I couldn't believe how much dirt the mop leaves behind. So are you leaving?"
Blair had to replay the words back in his mind to even catch the question. It was delivered in a monotone, as if Jim were still discussing the floor. The clenched jaw though showed his partner's real distress. Blair reached down and grabbed Jim's arm, forcing him to stop cleaning.
"Stop. We've got to talk. Come over to the couch?"
Jim stopped and rested his chin on his chest silently for a moment before rising to his feet and preceding Blair to the couch, much like a man going to the gallows.
Once seated, Blair waited till Jim met his eyes before beginning. "I need to ask you a couple of questions Jim. First though...I am not leaving. If I didn't run after facing death and Alex, this certainly couldn't drive me away." Jim's face lost its desperation. "But..."Blair continued, "...I need answers. The whole truth, Jim...nothing left out. Can you do that?"
Jim nodded. "Whatever you want to know Chief, I swear."
"How often did you 'tune in' to me?"
"Usually at least once a day...sometimes more. Especially after..." Jim stopped.
"After what Jim? Tell me?"
"Especially after I realised that I saw you more if I had something of yours with me."
Blair thought about that...it made sense. Having one of his possessions might increase the connection. "What did you take, Jim?"
The sentinel reached into his shirt and pulled out an Ankh pendant on a leather cord.
"I thought I lost that," Blair mused.
"Sorry, Chief."
Blair noted that Jim actually 'did' look sorry. "It's okay, man. I would have given it to you if you had only asked." So Jim had taken his pendant to increase the visions.
"So, a few weeks ago when those thugs tried to car-jack me, you were there so fast because...?"
"I already saw you were in trouble before you called. I was already on my way with the Calvary."
Blair nodded. "My fish mug...the spaghetti...bringing me lunch last week when I forgot it...all because...?"
"I saw it," Jim confirmed.
"Okay Jim, I can accept that but what else have you seen? There are things about everyone that are better kept private. I need to know everything you saw."
Jim began speaking, filling Blair in on a day-by-day basis about the bits and pieces he had seen. Despite himself, Blair felt a growing sense of unease. It was like being watched with binoculars when you didn't know about it...creepy.
"What did you mean before, Jim?"
"When?"
"When you said you didn't want me to find a way to make it stop. Why?"
Jim looked away. "I don't know if I can explain, Chief."
"Look at me Jim," Blair ordered. His partner complied. "Try, okay? Don't worry about how I'll react or anything else, just worry about helping me to understand this."
Jim was silent for a time then nodded. "Okay. So much has happened, Chief. It seems that every time I turn around there's another disaster to deal with. Nothing that's happened hit me as hard as your almost dying and the fact that I had something to do with putting you in that situation eats away at me." Jim held up his hand when Blair would have protested.
"No. Let me finish. I failed to protect you because of my own stubborn pride and I'll be damned if I'll let it happen again. When I can...uh...check in on you...a couple of times a day, it's better. I know you're okay and I can relax. If I lose that...I'm not sure...I'm not sure I can deal with it." Jim went silent again, staring at his hands.
Blair sat still, considering his partner's words. "Wow, Jim. It never occurred to me that this might be so hard for you."
Jim jumped up and glared back down at Blair. "My partner almost died! How could that not bother me? What kind of man do you think I am?"
"Easy, Jim. I only meant that since I've been back it seemed like you just wanted to forget it ever happened."
"I wish I could," Jim said. "But I can't and if you take away my ability to check in on you I'm not sure I can take it...lord Blair, these senses have been a curse! I don't know how much more I can take here...I feel like I'm hanging by a thread as it is."
Blair reached out and grabbed his partner's arm, pulling him back down onto the couch. He could fell the tremors under his hand. He knew that Jim had been struggling lately...he just hadn't realised how close to the edge the sentinel was.
"Calm down Jim. It's okay. We'll get a handle on it. If you need to 'check in on me' for awhile, it's okay. I can deal with it. These visions of me didn't start till after you brought me back to life, right?"
"Yeah," Jim said in a whisper.
"It seems to me that in all probability, what's happening here is just a sentinel's way of dealing with the death of his guide. Maybe it's taking your senses a while to readjust, to believe I'm okay?"
"You think so?"
"Yeah. Let me think about it for awhile," Blair said pensively, then put a hand on Jim's arm at the older man's look of alarm. "Don't worry Jim. Nothing before you're ready. I promise."
"Thanks, Chief," Jim said with a breath of relief. "I feel like such an idiot."
"Don't, Jim. I'm not thrilled that you kept this from me but I think I understand. I'm finding it really difficult to be angry with you for following your sentinel instinct to protect...and believe me Jim I really want to be angry with you."
"So we're okay then...you and me?" Jim asked cautiously.
"Yeah, Jim. We're okay," Blair sighed. "I'm going to bed. This has been an exhausting day." Blair stood and started to step away from the couch. He stopped as Jim grabbed his hand. Squeezing the hand with his own, Blair looked down at the sentinel.
"Thanks, Chief," Jim said again, quietly.
With a returning squeeze the older man released him. Blair smiled down at his partner and patted his shoulder. So much meaning behind such simple words. "You're welcome, Jim." He took a step, then looked back. "But if you ever do anything like this again..." he let the phrase hang and smacked his fist into the palm of his hand. Rewarded by a smile from his partner, he headed off to bed.
After an extremely weird and jumpy four days, Blair believed he'd found the solution. Now all he had to do was to find a way to get Jim to agree that his visions had to stop. Not only were they creepy and disrupting to his own life but they put Jim in physical danger. Blair had hoped that Jim would come to the realization on his own but unfortunately the older man seemed content to go on as they were forever. Taking a deep breath to center himself, Blair left his room and headed to the kitchen where Jim was preparing supper.
"Jim. We've got to talk, man."
"About what, Chief?" Jim kept cutting up the vegetables for their salad.
"Jim," Blair said again. "Could you stop that please....you could have been killed today."
Jim stopped cutting and turned to face his partner. "Who told you?"
Blair didn't like the look in Jim's eye. "It doesn't matter, Jim. The fact of the matter is that you zoned out in the middle of an arrest. This can't continue."
"It was that damn Rafe wasn't it?"
"Jim!" Blair shouted, causing the other man to snap his mouth shut. "Your friends at the station are worried about you. They think that you have a brain tumor or something. It was not just one person who called me today...and quit trying to avoid the issue."
Jim looked down, then began cutting again. "I have it under control, Chief. Let's just drop it. I don't want to talk about it right now."
"Well that's just tough," Blair said, his voice growing angry. "Cause we are going to talk about it, we are going to do something about it and you definitely do not have it under control."
"You calling me a liar, Chief?" Jim glared at the younger man.
"I am not going to let you change the topic or pick a fight this time, Jim. Have you even considered what this is doing to me?" Blair cursed as his voice broke. Jim was staring at him. At least he finally had his partner's attention.
"What do you mean?"
"God, Jim, you are so blind sometimes. Between wondering all the time whether you're 'looking in' on me or not and worrying that you were out there getting yourself killed for the past four days, I 'm a nervous wreck. I'm sorry, Jim. I can't take this. I know I said that I'd give you the time you needed but it's too much. Time is up. It has to be. You are going to end up dead!" Blair spun away and strode to the living room, sitting down on the couch, trying to get his emotions under control. A moment later, a warm body settled beside him and he felt Jim's hand on his thigh.
"I'm sorry, Chief. I guess I never thought about how all this would make you feel. Okay."
"Okay?"
"Whatever you need...really." Jim squeezed his partner's leg.
Blair was stunned for a moment at how easily his partner had given in. He expected it to be more of a fight. He sat in silence, a bit overwhelmed and touched by Jim's willingness to do something that the sentinel was strongly against. His partner finally broke the silence.
"So you've figured this out then?" Jim asked.
"Yeah, I think so. What I think has happened here is that our connection is...offline. You rely on me for help with your senses, right? I guide you through as best I can...which I admit sometimes leaves a lot to be desired," Blair said, self-depreciatingly.
"Not true, Chief," Jim said simply.
Blair paused. "Which part?"
Jim grinned and patted the younger man's thigh, making Blair realize that the sentinel hadn't moved his hand off his leg. "I rely on you more than I like to admit. I don't think I realized how much till I almost lost you." Jim swallowed back his emotion.
"Thanks, Jim." Blair put his hand on top of his sentinel's, feeling closer to his friend than ever before. The moment passed and Blair continued. "That's the problem I think. When my heart stopped it severed our connection in a way that only death can. Permanently. When you brought me back, I think that something didn't...I don't know...something didn't...reconnect."
Blair frowned at his inability to better express what he meant. It was more of a feeling he had...instinctively. Something told him all wasn't right between him and his partner. He had just assumed that it was due to the problems between them before his near death. Now? Now he felt that it was a more primal reason. Maybe something had severed between them that still hadn't reconnected, forcing his sentinel to continually search for him with his as yet untested sixth sense.
"Yeah...that feels...right," Jim admitted and Blair realised he had been speaking his thoughts out loud.
"How do we fix it, Chief?" Jim said sadly.
"Jim, man, don't think of this as a bad thing. Maybe you've been feeling this overwhelming need to monitor me 'because' our connection isn't back to normal. This compulsion may fade if we can repair our attachment."
"You're probably right, Sandburg." Jim said the words but still didn't look convinced. "What do we do?"
"I want you to concentrate all your senses on me, Jim. Deeply. I'll be here in case you zone. We are going to get comfortable and you will let your senses go all the way, for as long as it takes. Let's have dinner, then you can go change into something comfortable and meet me back here. Sound good?"
"Sure Chief."
Blair watched Jim walk back to the kitchen, his shoulders slumped slightly and sighed. The older man had been under so much pressure lately, he hated to add to it. Jim had had to deal with Alex, his guide's close brush with death, a friend's betrayal, and increasing manifestations of the new capabilities of his senses. Not only visions but the ability to see into the spirit world. He knew that the ghost incident had shaken Jim badly. For someone who relied so much on control over his world, so many things had happened that Blair knew it was approaching the limit of the older man's ability to cope. Some days it seemed that it was all the sentinel could do to hold onto his normal appearance--his very sanity. He hated putting Jim through something else. But as much as he hated it, he knew this was necessary. Hopefully in the end it would ease Jim's mind.
Once dinner was silently consumed and Jim had gone upstairs to change, Blair set about clearing space in front of the couch. He folded up the carpet and placed two mats in the center of a ring of candles. Jim returned a few minutes later...dressed in a loose T-shirt and sweat pants. He looked a bit uncertain about the set up, but didn't comment as he lowered himself to the floor, inside the circle of burning candles. He mirrored Blair's pose, sitting cross-legged on the mat. Blair smiled at his partner and the older man smiled back in spite of himself.
"You ready?" the younger man asked.
"As I'll ever be," Jim responded. "What do I need to do, Blair?"
"First I think we should meditate, center ourselves. Then, gradually, I want you to reach out your senses to me. Okay?" Blair felt a calmness, that had been missing for the past few months settle over him. Sitting there with Jim, inside a circle of light, the rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving only him and his sentinel. He took Jim's hands and the older man met his eyes solemnly, firelight dancing in their depths. To Blair, this was a perfect moment, one that he would always remember. Regretfully he closed his eyes and began, knowing instinctively that Jim had done the same.
Blair had no idea how much time had passed before he felt a tingling begin in the pit of his stomach. He opened his eyes and found Jim watching him intently. The older man had such a look of affection on his face that it took Blair's breath away. He knew that the sentinel had begun and relaxed, trying to leave himself as open as possible to Jim's exploration.
The older man's thumbs began moving, stroking the backs of his hands and Blair felt the tingling spread as his partner raked his body with his eyes. Jim got to his knees, so Blair did the same. The sentinel placed his hands on Blair's head and began his tactile exploration.
He coiled his fingers into the younger man's hair and Blair pressed slightly into Jim's palm, giving his consent. Blair closed his eyes as gentle hands caressed his face and one moved down his neck, the other remaining to cup his cheek. Then both hands shifted down to his waist and up under his T-shirt. Blair gasped slightly as the warm hands stroked across his stomach then rose to explore his chest and brush across his nipples. They paused over his heart and Blair opened his eyes and found Jim kneeling with his head thrown back, eyes closed and his expression --ecstasy. Blair had no other word for it.
His shirt was drawn over his head and Blair leaned into his partner's touch. The hands roved over his chest and back, the younger man sighing with the pleasure of it. It was so good. In spite of himself he began to get excited. Excited by his male roommate's hands on his body. Jim's hands dipped into the waistband of his jeans then pulled away abruptly.
"Oh my God...I'm sorry, Chief."
Blair opened his eyes and captured his distraught partner's hand before Jim could stand and move outside of their circle of light. "It's okay, Jim. Whatever you need to do...whatever you 'want' to do...it's okay. If it bothers you tomorrow it will be like it never happened. One night, Jim. No strings or regrets. Do whatever feels right." Blair heard the words come out of his mouth but couldn't quite believe he was saying them. Maybe this was what Jim needed though...to connect with him in every way. If Jim couldn't handle the need in the light of day, Blair felt he could deal with it. After all, he'd had sex for worse reasons. Jim stared at him intently for a few minutes, then nodded.
"You know I've never been as close to anyone as I am to you, Blair?"
"Yeah, Jim. Me too." Blair smiled. Not a declaration of undying love but it was good enough. Jim stood and swiftly removed his clothes, then knelt back down onto his knees in front of a wide-eyed Blair, not touching. The younger man felt his partner's eyes on him as he stood and copied Jim's motions, then resumed his position facing his sentinel.
"Are you sure about this Blair?"
"Yes...Are you sure about this Jim?"
Instead of answering, Jim reached out and ran his hands up Blair's body. Beginning at his bent knees, he traced a gentle path up Blair's thighs, sides and shoulders, ending up cupping his face tenderly. Snaking a hand around to curl into Blair's hair, he pulled the young man forward, finally capturing his lips in their first kiss.
Jim tried to make the kiss a chaste one, a mere brushing of the lips but Blair felt fire race through him at the light touch and grabbed his partner's head, and opened his mouth, encouraging Jim inside. The sentinel gave in and they kissed for several minutes, exploring each other thoroughly. Soon, it wasn't enough.
Blair pulled back and kissed a path down Jim's cheek and jaw then sucked hard at the juncture between the older man's shoulder and neck. Jim moaned deep in his throat and threw back his head, exposing himself fully to Blair's touch. The young man pulled back finally and stared hotly at the beginnings of a major hickey, before backing up slightly so that he could bend forward and take one of Jim's nipples into his mouth.
Blair felt energized. He couldn't touch the other man enough, he wanted to stroke and kiss every part of him. He wanted to imprint him on his senses forever. Blair smiled against the nipple he was currently laving and pulled back. This was for Jim, not for himself. He pressed in close again and kissed the other man, stroking his back softly, allowing Jim to calm down a bit.
"Blair?" Jim asked in confusion, when he could speak again.
"This is for you, Jim. Show me what you want?" The sentinel went to the task with abandon. Blair forced himself to remain still, as Jim explored his body. His partner laved, stroked and sucked every part of him...save one. Blair was beginning to mewl with need. Finally, Jim shifted back a bit more and bent over to take Blair's cock into his mouth. Blair cried out and threw his arm over Jim's back, as the other man bobbed up and down. He knew he wouldn't last long. The wet mouth surrounding him felt too good, the foreplay had been too long.
Blair didn't try to hold back as his orgasm hit him full force. He gave a sharp cry and thrust up into that wonderful mouth as far as he could, then folded his body over top of Jim's bent form. Jim stayed where he was for a moment, suckling Blair's spent cock, the heavy weight of his partner leaning over his back. Finally, Blair felt the older man move and he leaned back, sitting on his heels, allowing him up.
"Jim...oh man...that was..." Blair didn't have the words to explain the experience. He looked down and saw Jim's still engorged cock and licked his lips. He tried to move forward but Jim closed the distance between them too quickly, gathering Blair into a crushing embrace, pulling him back up onto his knees, chest to chest...and more importantly at that moment....groin to groin. He felt Jim's cock pressing against his own groin and groaned at the sensation as his partner began thrusting. He threw his arms around Jim and held on as the older man pushed against him, his cock sliding easily through Blair's semen on his groin and stomach. Jim grunted with each short hard thrust and his hands moved down to grasp Blair's ass, holding him tightly so that he could control the movement. It didn't take long. Jim cried out and Blair felt warmth flood over his already hardening genitals.
Afterwards, they leaned together, Jim's forehead resting on Blair's shoulder, his quiet breathing gently moving the young man's curls. Blair stroked his hands up and down Jim's back, struggling to come to grips with what they had just done. It wasn't like he'd never thought Jim was attractive. He did and he had. Every time Jim strolled around in his boxers or with his robe open, the thought had crossed his mind. Only, usually the thought was accompanied by some reference to women. Such as: "Wow, what a stud--I can see why Lori can't keep her hands off that chest" or "What a butt! It's no wonder Cassie is always staring at it." Talk about self-denial. Blair grinned at his own deception.
He'd never actually thought it possible that he would end up here...like this...with Jim. He never really made the connection that it was himself personally that was lusting after Jim, not the unnamed hoards of women. He was always just objectively stating the female perspective. Blair snorted. Objective? What a laugh. Nothing like a little self-delusion to help keep unwelcome thoughts at bay. No quite so unwelcome after all.
Blair smiled then shifted with a grimace. His knees were beginning to complain about the hardwood floor underneath the thin mat.
Jim's head popped up from its resting place. "You okay, Blair?"
"Yeah, man. I'm great actually. Though I think we're going to need to move if my knees are going to work tomorrow."
Jim shifted then stood. Blair stared at the hard muscles as they flexed and found himself facing Jim's still semi-hard cock, semen still glistening on his flat stomach, and Blair swallowed convulsively, overcome with a strong urge.
"You coming, Chief?"
Blair ignored the offered hand to help him up and gave in to the urge--who knew when the chance would come again. "Maybe in just another minute, Jim."
With that, he leaned forward, reaching around his partner to grasp firm buttocks and licked the sticky substance gracing Jim's stomach. His partner's hand immediately tangled in his hair as Blair continued to taste their mingled fluid.
"God, Blair," Jim groaned and Blair felt something press hard against his throat. He laved downward and ran his tongue from base to tip of Jim's cock, causing the older man to cry out and jerk his hips forward at the unexpected motion.
Blair leaned his head back and looked up at Jim, throat exposed. "This okay, Jim?" he asked breathlessly.
Jim didn't answer; he just groaned and pushed Blair's head back toward his groin. Smiling, Blair took that as a yes and opened his mouth, sucking in the moist head of his partner's cock. Jim moaned above him and it took a moment for the older man's words to sink in. When they did Blair's head snapped back.
"You what?" he asked in disbelief.
Jim looked down sorrowfully. "I'm sorry Chief, I didn't mean to say it, I just got carried away," he said quietly.
"Say it again," Blair ordered.
"I love you...I'm sorry but I do." Jim sat back down on the mat, his erection fading.
Blair moved back into a cross-legged posture, his mind reeling. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because I know you don't want that. God, I'm sorry, Blair. I really meant to abide by your wishes, just a one time thing...no strings. I just lost control for a minute. It won't happen again."
"How do you know you love me?" Blair asked. At Jim's confused look he clarified. "I mean you were all over Alex a few months ago because of this sentinel thing, was that love?"
"No!" Jim exclaimed loudly. "No," he tried again softly. "That was about instinct. A primal urge to reproduce or something...to protect one of my own kind maybe, love had nothing to do with it."
Blair grasped Jim's arm. "How do you know that this isn't something similar, Jim? The visions started at the same time." Blair was amazed that he could continue to speak so logically, inside he was feeling anything but logical. "It might all be tied up somehow with what you're feeling. What you're feeling...well... it might not be real."
"That's not the way it is, Sandburg. I can't believe you are trying to talk me out of loving you. Is the idea so repulsive?"
"No, Jim. It's not. I just want you to realize that what you're feeling could be temporary."
"It's not," Jim said firmly. "You can believe whatever you need to believe to stay my friend but it's not."
"Why are you so sure, Jim?" Blair found he really wanted it to be true.
"Because I loved you long before Alex ever came into the picture, long before the visions started, damn it!" Jim blurted out.
Blair felt a weight lift off his shoulders. "Really?"
"Yes really. God, Sandburg. Don't you think you've humiliated me enough here?"
"How so, Jim?" It was Blair's turn to be confused.
"It's bad enough that you don't love me like that. I was really hoping to save a little dignity here, not pour my heart out about every nuance of my unrequited love."
Blair smiled and Jim narrowed his eyes. "It is unrequited, isn't it?"
Blair smiled wider. "You said that, not me. Unrequited may be too strong of a word."
Jim took Blair's hand and clasped it painfully but the young man didn't pull away. "What would be a better word, Chief?"
Blair leaned close and looked into Jim's eyes, eyes so filled with hope. "Requited...most definitely requited," he whispered.
"That's not even a word, Blair." Jim was smiling now.
Blair leaned back. "Yes it is and perhaps I was too hasty."
Jim reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into his lap, arms wrapped tightly around him, face to face, chest to chest. "I love you, Blair."
Blair sighed happily. "I love you too, Jim."
They stayed like that for a time, happy to just hold each other as the candles burned down to nothing, finally leaving the room in darkness. Jim stirred first.
"How about we go to bed? Upstairs?" he asked softly, kissing Blair's ear.
Blair smiled and shifted, standing stiffly. "I'd like that, man. So, did it work? Do you feel anything?"
Jim smirked. "Oh, I definitely feel something, Chief." He leered at Blair, over his shoulder as they climbed the stairs.
Blair slapped him on the ass. "Not 'that', Jim. Does your connection to me feel different?"
Jim pulled Blair down onto the bed with him, holding him tight. "I don't know, Blair. I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything here but how much I want to make love to you again."
Blair smiled. "I guess time will tell. And we really should make love again...you know...just to ensure I'm completely imprinted on your senses." Jim nodded and rolled over pinning the younger man to the bed underneath him.
"Oh yeah, in the name of science." Jim grinned and leaned down for a kiss.
The next day, after many goodbye kisses and a quickie in the shower Blair headed off to the university and Jim to the precinct. As much as he wanted to stay by his sentinel's side every minute of the day, real life intervened with exams and suspects. Blair sighed as he settled into his chair and daydreamed about how the previous night had turned out. Better than his wildest dreams. He sat there smiling till the phone rang. He picked it up and was thrilled to hear his lover's voice on the other end.
"I've missed you, Jim," he said in a low voice. He could almost feel the sexual tension over the phone line.
"Me too, Chief, " Jim said, his cool tone contrasting sharply with the meaning of the words. One of the problems with talking to his partner at the police station. "Blair, remember when you asked me last night if it worked?"
Blair sat up and clutched the phone. "Yeah. What happened?"
"Did you just walk down the hallway, pause and take a drink from the fountain between rooms 103 and 104, then chat for a minute with a girl named Suzie before going into your office and closing the door, leaning against it and whispering my name?"
Blair groaned. "It didn't work. I'm sorry Jim. I thought for sure it worked, I don't feel like something's wrong anymore." He was confused when he heard Jim laugh.
"Just the opposite, it seemed to have worked very well, Chief. Just not exactly the way we were planning."
"Care to explain that, Jim?"
"I was sitting in the lunch room, waiting for the coffee to perk and I found myself wondering what you were doing at that very moment. Then, Bam! I was there. This time was different though. I still was aware of my surroundings here at the station, yet I could see what you were doing...kinda of like screen-in-screen television. Well, not really, but I can't explain it. Anyway, the minute Simon walked into the break room and I concentrated on him, it clicked off."
Blair sat stunned. "So what you're telling me is that we didn't get rid of it, we made it stronger?"
"That's about the size of it, Chief. And I can't say that I'm upset about it either. Now I can be safe and still make sure you're safe."
Blair groaned at how happy his partner sounded. He could adjust. Maybe they could figure out some way for him to know when Jim was 'looking in' on him. But first things first. "As soon as we get home, the first thing we are going to do is sit down and discuss ground rules for your new ability."
"Ground rules? God, Sandburg, I must be rubbing off on you." Jim paused and Blair could hear it coming before it even got out of his mouth. "In fact I think that sounds like a good idea...rubbing off on you I mean. Maybe we could make the ground rules thing the second thing we do when we get home?"
Blair laughed. They were going to be just fine.
The End
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End Sensed.