Archive of Our Own ^beta

DISCLAIMER: Pet Fly Productions owns everything in the Sentinel Universe. I own the characters Holly and Kerri, and my fantasies about the boys.

WARNING: Rated NC-17 for graphic descriptions of m/m sex between two consenting adults; along with a teeny bit of potentially offensive language and an even teenier bit of violence. No one under 18 permitted--come back when you're legal.

Note: I've wondered for a long time what it would take to push Blair over the edge. Every episode we've ever seen him get angry in, he's left and gone somewhere (presumably for a walk). What if he couldn't leave? Or the problem was still there, unsolved when he returned?

I owe special thanks to Susie and Sherry for beta reading for me, and to Joanne (and her hubby!) for the idea about the bathrobe. Feel free to share this story with whomever you wish, as long as you don't make any money from it. Copyright belongs to me. As always, comments are warmly welcomed and much appreciated. Michelle, please archive under the category Drama/Romance. Synopsis for archive: Blair has feelings for Jim, and an inability to act upon those feelings has built up extreme levels of tension in him. What will happen when the two are stuck together for several days by an unexpected snow storm?

Snow Furies

by Kim Gasper
Copyright March 23, 1997
Tuesday evening

"...expected snowfall of one to five inches in the metropolitan Cascade area. Temperatures will hover around the zero mark for the next several days, then begin to rise again just in time for the weekend..."

Blair reached over and shut the radio off with an impatient gesture. He was tired, tense and frustrated, and hearing about snow and more cold weather was just making it worse. He sighed, glad there was no one else in the old car to hear him.

Tonight had been...well, fiasco wasn't the right word--nothing had happened. And that, exactly, was the problem. NOTHING had happened. He liked Kerri. Really liked her. Wouldn't mind being friends with her. But he felt *absolutely* nothing for her, in terms of sexual attraction, romantic attraction, whatever. //Why'd you ask her out, stupid?// His stomach tightened as he answered his own question. //Jim.// He had to do something to get his roommate out of his brain, before he went absolutely fucking insane. He'd been dating women left and right for the last six months, trying to find one that could take his mind off of Jim Ellison. So far every single attempt had failed...

Blair shook his head, and smiled bitterly. //Figures,// he thought. //I finally decide I'm ready to date guys again, and what happens? I fall in love with the straightest man in the universe.// He looked out the window at the snow that was beginning to fall heavily. The light turned green and the car behind honked for him to get moving. Snow. //Please, whatever deity is watching over me...don't let us get snowed in. I couldn't deal with it...// He put the car into gear and headed into the swirling white.

Jim gasped for air as Holly pulled away from him. There was an almost feral gleam in her eyes as she slid her hands down from his shoulders and over his chest.

"Want to come in for a while?" she nearly purred, running her hands back and forth over his chest. He thought about it for a quick second, then decided against it, figuring he could use a quiet evening at home, just relaxing.

"No...Not tonight, Hol. I need to get home, take care of some stuff there. Next time?" He gave her a lazy, sexy smile, and Holly decided that she'd give him one more chance...Maybe.

"Well...I suppose I'll try again next time. You sure, Jimmy?"

He winced slightly at the name she called him. Even though they'd been dating for almost three months now, he couldn't convince her that he *hated* that name. "I'm sure, honey. See you in a few days?"

"Sure, sweetie. Call me tomorrow, and we'll figure it out, okay?" She was already putting the key in the lock, speaking over her shoulder.

"Sure thing, Hol. Good night."

"'Night, Jimmy."

He sighed and turned back into the swirling mass that was quickly signalling more than the 'trace' of snow he'd heard forecast earlier this afternoon. Thank goodness for Sentinel sight...

Once on the road he had good reason to thank God once again for that sight. The roads were treacherous...quickly becoming icy underneath the snow that was rapidly accumulating. He clenched his hands around the steering wheel, playing over the evening in his head. It kept happening. He kept turning Holly down, whenever she invited him in. What was it? Not her...he enjoyed her company, liked doing things with her--they had quite a few common interests. He liked kissing her... But something within him balked at getting any more intimate with her than that. What, though? //Maybe I'm not ready for a serious relationship. Maybe Sandburg has the right idea--date 'em all, and figure it out later.// Jim laughed silently at that thought. His partner had gone through 10 women in the last six months. That was a record, even for him. //In fact,// Jim considered, //I don't think he's dated the same woman more than twice. What's up with him?// He abandoned all thoughts other than the roads then as the truck hit a patch of black ice and skittered across the road.

Jim pulled the truck into its parking space, noting with interest that Sandburg's battered Corvair was still missing. //Must be a good night with the latest one,// he mused, wondering why that thought bothered him vaguely. //Or maybe the weather... Hope he has the cell phone with him.// Then he cut the motor and headed for the loft, pictures of hot coffee--maybe with a shot of kahlua in it--and a fire dancing through his mind as he walked.

Blair blew in through the door about thirty minutes later, borne on a gust of cold air that crept up the stairwell. Jim was stretched out on the sofa, dressed in a terry-cloth bathrobe, legs crossed at the ankles. He had a basketball game on the TV, and a steaming cup next to him on the floor.

"Hey, Chief."

"Jim. When'd you get home?"

"About half hour ago. I was hoping I wasn't gonna have to go fish your butt out of the harbor, if you hit an icy patch." Jim tried to inflect a light tone into the words, but he still felt his stomach clutch at itself with the thought that Blair might be in trouble.

"Just drivin' slow, man. Roads are nasty out there."

"I know--I about slid off a couple of times." Jim shifted into a sitting position, and watched Blair shrug out of the heavy outer- clothing. "Want some coffee? I made a pot just a little bit ago."

"Yeah, that'd be great, man. Thanks." Blair couldn't stop the shiver that rippled down his frame. He sniffed the air then. "Man...what is that I smell? You got the kahlua out?" He grinned at Jim. "Put a shot in, would you?"

"Sure thing, Chief. Why don't you take a shower, get warm? Coffee'll probably do it, but you look frozen."

Blair shrugged. "Yeah, guess so. Man, it's like a total white out, out there." He began pulling off his heavy sweater, and looked up from untangling himself to see Jim grinning at him. "What?"

"How many layers you got on under there, Chief?"

Blair smiled. "It's like about ten degrees out there, Jim. I am so not into the cold...lotta layers is the only way I survive winter here."

"Go on, hit the showers, Chief. Get warmed up." Jim stood up and stretched slightly, and Blair felt his mouth go dry at the sight of that long, lean body rippling sinuously; hard muscles under the soft flesh. He turned quickly, and headed for his room.

He reappeared a minute later, clad in nothing but his boxers, bathrobe draped over his arm. Jim paused for a moment, unconsciously cataloging the beauty of his partner's form...until he was aware of who he was looking at. He shook his head. //Better not refuse Holly the next time she offers, if Sandburg is starting to look good.//

Blair stood in the shower, hot water streaming over him. The water temperature was nearly scalding, but not as warm as the blood pounding through his veins. What was it? What was it about Jim that made him feel this way? Was it simply because he knew Jim would be uninterested? Or *did* he know Jim would be uninterested? Hell, yes, of course he was uninterested. Had Jim, in all the time they'd known each other, *ever* exhibited signs of interest in members of the same sex? No...he hadn't. Had Jim ever exhibited any signs of interest in *him*, in particular? Beyond friendship? No. Blair buried his wet head in his hands, and felt tears of frustration slide from his eyes and mingle with the hot water. This just wasn't fair...

//What's taking him so long? How long can it take to take a shower?// Jim snickered as he thought about the answer to that question. Considering the number of times Blair had left him without hot water for his own morning ablutions, a while. He sighed when he heard the water turn off, and filled a mug with coffee, adding a shot of the kahlua to it. He refilled his own mug, sans liquor, and carried them both into the living room. Blair emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a cloud of hot steam, rubbing a towel over his head.

Blair stood there for a minute, surveying the cozy scene of fire, TV, and hot drinks, and sighed. It was going to be a long night. "So," he asked wearily, sinking down onto the loveseat, "Who's winning the game?"

Jim turned the TV off, and leaned back against the cushions. It had been a good game. Seattle won. He was glad he'd come home, rather than staying over at Holly's. He and Blair hadn't spent much time together lately, and he missed it. Oh, sure, they still worked together; however, dual commitments to Jim and to the University had begun to weigh on Blair...even his boundless energy had seemed taxed these last so many months. Jim wondered when was the last time he'd really seen his guide look rested. He looked over at his partner, who was watching him intently.

"What's up, Chief?"

"Huh?" Blair refocused, and Jim guessed Blair hadn't been staring at him after all, probably more like through him.

"Never mind. Did you hear the weather report this evening?" Jim turned his gaze toward the windows.

"I heard it around 8:00pm, when they were still saying one to five inches."

"I'd say more like five feet from the way it's falling out there." Jim shifted to stand up, and Blair almost choked on the swallow of coffee he'd taken. The change in angles, and motion necessary to stand up had shifted Jim's robe--he seemed totally unaware, or didn't care--of the fact that he was flashing Blair.

Blair closed his eyes as Jim finished standing up, seeing the image burned into his brain...the hard thighs, dark bush of pubic hair, flaccid penis resting against those thighs. He felt his pulse speed up, and prayed Jim wouldn't notice. //Please not now...Please...// Jim's voice penetrated his private prayers.

"What?"

"Turn the TV on, would you? Weather channel, or local, whatever."

Blair leaned over for the clicker, and aimed it at the TV. "What's up, man?"

"The level of snow, for one thing." Jim grinned at Blair's groan over the bad joke. "Seriously, Chief...about a foot of snow, I'd guess."

"Oh, man..."

"We stocked up on groceries?"

"Yeah--I went yesterday."

"So, it's no big deal if we get snowed in, is it?"

//Maybe not for you,// Blair thought, //but I may go crazy.// "No, it's no big deal."

Wednesday Morning

His cell phone shrilling woke him, and Jim fumbled for it on the bedside table. Damn! Where was it...Table downstairs, next to the basket. He bounded out of bed, and hurried down the stairs, not taking notice of the fact that he was naked.

Blair stumbled out of his room, bleary-eyed and irritable from an evening of fighting his thoughts and dreams about Jim. He had just fallen into a good sleep a couple of hours ago, and now some idiot was calling at...God, 5:15am! He stopped short and drew up in surprise at the sight of Jim--a totally, completely naked Jim- -standing next to the front door, talking on his cell phone. Jim's attention was focused on his phone call, so Blair let his eyes sweep over his partner in unabashed admiration. So beautiful...so sexy... Jim obviously had no idea how sensual the lines and planes of his body were, or he'd have taken advantage of it long ago, and not been single now. With a feeling of dismay Blair realized he was growing hard...his boxers beginning to tent out. He turned and fled back into his room.

Jim cut the connection and folded up the cell phone, turning toward Sandburg... "Blair? Where'd you go?"

"Back to bed, man. Where all good people should be this time of the morning." Blair's voice was muffled slightly, an odd tone ringing in it.

Jim moved to stand outside Blair's door. "That was Simon, Chief. He says the whole city is snowed in. We're under about three feet of snow...and he wants us to stay put. Not worth it to get stuck somewhere. We're officially off-duty for the next couple of days."

"Great." Blair didn't sound as happy as his statement warranted. "Now, can I go back to sleep? I hate waking up before the alarm..."

Jim could almost feel the tension coming from behind the closed door, but didn't know what the source was. "Sure, Chief. See you later."

"Yeah, man. Later."

Blair breathed a quiet sigh of relief as Jim's footsteps echoed up the stairs. At last... He reached down to touch his aching flesh, freeing his erection from it's cloth prison. He almost groaned out loud as he slid his hand up and down the hard, hot length; then he remembered that Jim would be able to hear him-- could hear him now, if he thought there was something he should be listening to. He gritted his teeth, and focused on the images of Jim's muscular ass, that flowed into the hard lines of his legs...the biceps that bulged...the smooth, hard pecs with small flat nipples that almost begged to be licked and suckled... Blair sucked his breath in through his teeth as his cock surged forward, and he felt a flood of warmth moving over his hand. //Nothing like jerking off first thing in the morning,// he thought bitterly. //And when the real thing is laying only 100 feet away...// He stood up and opened his door, then headed for the bathroom.

Upstairs Jim had nearly gone back to sleep, when a slight, breathy sound caught his attention. It was only once though, and he'd just about ignored it when the air was suddenly flooded with a rich, musky smell that carried elements of salt and bitterness with it. Blair...

Jim rolled over and pulled his pillow over his head, trying to ignore the tightening response of his own body. No wonder Blair had acted so strange--trying to hide his condition from Jim, and Jim standing outside his door chatting away. Jim closed his eyes, and buried his nose in the other pillow, trying to lose himself in the scent of detergent and laundry softener. Who was Blair thinking about while he stroked himself? //Why do I care?// The still reasonably sane portion of his brain queried. //Because he was standing right behind me just a minute or so before I got off the phone. I could feel the heat from his body.// As if to tell his brain--which was vehemently trying to deny the implications of that--what it thought of that idea, he began to grow hard. Jim buried his nose deeper into the pillow, and began to think about cold showers, icicles, and snow banks.

The cold thoughts must have worked, because the next thing he knew he was waking up, the scent of coffee filling the air around him. Jim rolled over and took a deep breath. If he concentrated he could--just barely--detect a faint hint of that musky smell. But he wasn't going to concentrate...was he?

Blair glanced up as Jim padded down the stairs in... Jesus, was the man never going to be completely dressed, ever again? Blair raised his eyes heavenward, trying to decide what he'd done in a past life to deserve such cruel punishment.

"Chief?"

"Yeah?"

"Why's it so chilly in here?" Jim had proceeded directly to the fireplace to build up the fire.

"Electricity was off for a while. The only clock in here that works is my watch." Blair paused and hazarded a glance at Jim. "Plus...you know, if you like, wore some *clothes* man, instead of running around half dressed..."

Jim looked down at himself. "I have shorts on."

Blair smirked slightly. "Yeah--and if you had more clothes on, you wouldn't be so chilly. I'm very comfortable." Yeah--with an inferno raging inside, how could he not be? And every ripple of the muscles in Jim's back raised the temperature a few degrees... He shook his head. "There's coffee in the kitchen."

"Yeah--it smells good. New brand?"

"Uh-huh. The coffee market had it on special--thought we'd give it a try."

"Good idea." Jim headed in toward the kitchen. Blair tried not to watch him, desire to do so warring with the urge to get up and run out of the loft. //And go where, hmm? There's umpteen feet of snow outside.//

Okay, maybe an exaggeration, but if he couldn't leave, it might as well be. The feeling of frustration welled up again, and Blair wondered if he was going to spend the next 72 hours being teased by a man who didn't even know he was teasing...

Wednesday afternoon

"I hate the snow, I hate the cold, I hate Cascade. I'm going back to the jungles and never return..."

Jim looked up from the magazine he was trying to read and sighed. Blair'd been muttering this litany over and over again, pacing in time with it. He was beginning to bug Jim, the tension radiating from Blair was transferring itself to his body. He slapped the magazine shut and cleared his throat. No change in the muttering or the pacing. Time to increase the attention-getter.

"Chief."

No response.

"Chief!"

Blair's head snapped up. "What?"

"What is your problem?" Jim gestured outside. "So we're snowed in. Since when would that bug you? I'd have figured you would have half a dozen tests for me...or you'd be grading papers...working on your dissertation. What's up?"

Blair closed his mouth on the smart-assed comment he longed to fling at Jim. //You!// He wanted to scream. //You're my problem! Sitting there like you don't fucking have a clue!// "Nothing. I'm just--I'm tired. I didn't sleep so well last night."

"Take a nap then."

"In the middle of the day, man?" Blair actually managed to look shocked.

"It's not like you're going to be going anywhere, is it?" Jim shifted forward on the couch, knees touching the coffee table. "Blair...talk to me. What's wrong? You having trouble with...Candy?"

"Kerri," Blair corrected. "No, no problems. She's a nice girl, but not what I was looking for."

Jim sighed and stood up. "I'm gonna get a beer. Want one?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"So what are you looking for? Have you set the standards too high?"

"Probably," Blair admitted, accepting the bottle that Jim handed him.

"Tell me what they are...I'll let you know." Jim smirked at him.

Blair glared back. "You think you know me so well?" //Hah!// His brain retorted. //We'll see about that!// He wanted to shock Jim--say something that might make the other man realize what was happening under his nose. "What if I told you I want to date a guy?"

He watched Jim swallow hard, and his heart sunk. It was as bad as he'd feared.

Jim took a deep breath, aware of Blair's eyes on him. //What guy? Who do you want?// "Did you have someone in particular in mind?"

"Yeah."

"Well...I'd say first, it's none of my business...and second, if you want to go out with him, you should ask him out."

"What if he's totally straight?"

Jim took a swallow of beer, considering the question. "I don't have any practical experience with this, Chief, but my gut says that you should at least tell him--let him make his own decision."

"Yeah, my gut says the same thing...but it's hard to do."

"I'll bet." Jim took another drink, wondering who the guy was. "Anyone I know?"

"Huh? Oh...no. No one you'd know." Blair gulped his beer, hoping Jim wouldn't see through that one.

"Ah. Well, good luck, Chief." Jim didn't really know what to add to that. What he *did* know was that the thought of Blair dating a guy was causing strange thoughts to filter through his head. //Why another guy? Why not me? Where'd that come from? Since when would Sandburg be interested in me? Since when am I interested in Sandburg?// "Christ," he muttered, and went to get another beer.

Blair began to pace again. //Good move, Sandburg. Why don't you just blurt it out for everyone to hear?// Blair could feel the anger welling up inside him, and tamped it down--barely. He didn't know why he was so angry about this--except he'd been frustrated for so long that the anger seemed to be a natural progression--and he was trapped in here with no escape.

If he was honest with himself, escape was what he'd been practicing for the better part of the last six months, since he'd first become aware of his attraction to Jim. Oh, he'd been aware for a long time that he had special feelings for the other man...he loved him deeply. But he'd attributed that to being such good friends, and all that they'd been through and shared together. It wasn't until one night when they'd been goofing around on one of their many camping/fishing trips, and had started wrestling, that Blair became of totally aware of what he felt--and how deep it went. He raised his head and found Jim watching him. The sudden feeling of suffocation that swept through him nearly caused him to panic. He had to get out--now. Before he did or said something he'd regret later on.

Ignoring the question that Jim asked him--that he didn't hear anyway, he only knew Jim had spoken because his brain registered sound--Blair grabbed his coat and scarf from the peg by the door. He didn't care how cold it was outside right now--he'd probably be able to handle it without the coat, his internal temperature felt so high.

Blair slammed the door behind him, leaving an astonished Jim sitting on the couch, staring after him. //What the hell got into him?// Jim shook his head. Every time he thought he was beginning to understand his guide a bit more, Blair turned around and threw him for a loop. And while he was wondering what was up with his roomie, what *was* up with Blair? What had all that 'I want to date a guy' stuff been about, anyway? Since when did he have any say in who Blair dated? Like Blair would listen anyway. //I wonder who he wants to ask out? I'd probably say yes...// Jim sputtered and choked on the swallow of beer he'd just taken, the random thought moving through his body like so much ice water. Where'd *that* come from? Jim got his coughing under control, and sat back to consider that last thought. //Back off, Jim, old man. Your life is complicated enough without adding *that* to the mix...// Still, he couldn't help but consider the bare expanse of Blair's back last night...

Blair tromped through the snow, welcoming gladly the mildly exhausting--not to mention cooling--exercise. Out here, surrounded by snow and cloudy, gray, snowy skies, he could almost breathe again. God, he wanted Jim so much. Not just to have sex with, although he certainly wanted to explore that option, but to *be* with. To add that next level of intimacy. No more sleeping alone, thinking alone...being alone. To have someone he already shared so much with... And so what was up with Jim anyway? Flashing himself like he was. Not that he or Jim had ever gone out of their way to be prudish around each other...but the last couple of days had seemed excessive, somehow. It seemed every time he turned around, there was Jim--naked in some way, teasing him...taunting him. Proof of how rattled he was came in the form of that conversation this morning. What in the *hell* had he been thinking? 'Yeah, Jim--I'm thinking of dating a guy.' How about, 'Yeah, Jim--I'd like to throw you to the floor and make love to you until you can't see straight?' or, more in keeping with his current mood...'Yeah, Jim--I want to throw you down and fuck you until both of us can't see straight.' Yep, either of the last two were definitely options he'd like to see played out. Blair stopped and looked around, noting with surprise that he'd walked almost six blocks. Better get back home, while he still could.

Jim looked up, concern written all over his face, when the door opened and Blair walked in. The younger man was shivering, teeth chattering audibly, and his face was red with cold. Blair held a hand up.

"Don't say it," he warned Jim.

"Blair--"

"I mean it, Jim. I'm not in the mood."

"I don't care--what were you thinking? It's *cold* out there, Sandburg! Dangerously cold."

"No. You think? Well, *duh*, man." Blair shrugged out of his coat and scarf, and hung them up. Jim could see the shudders moving through him from across the room.

"C'mon over here, Chief. Let's get you warmed up."

Blair stared at Jim. Was his partner an idiot? Did Jim really think that he was going to sit over there by him, and...what? Let Jim put his arms around him? Of course, on the other hand...it provided a nice opportunity to get Jim to touch him some.

Jim wasn't intending to wrap his arms around Blair though. His thoughts from earlier--which had spun 'round in his head in a disturbing fashion, until he was nearly dizzy--were still very much with him. No, his intentions were more along the lines of settling Blair near the fire, blanket tucked around him, hot cup of coffee in his hand.

Blair sat in the corner of the couch, nearly seething, and very disturbed by it. The small rational corner of his brain that was able to watch all of this objectively was amazed. On the one hand he didn't want to be anywhere near Jim; on the other hand he wanted nothing more than just that. So when Jim opted not to do what Blair didn't want him to do, he got angry anyway. Mentally he shook his head. How weird could you get? In any case, he was still angry, and the frustration--over everything, now--was mounting. His walk was quickly fading into nothing more than a memory.

Wednesday Evening

Blair put the remaining dishes into the cupboard and glanced around the kitchen. Everything appeared to be done... He hung up the dish towel, and headed for the couch not already claimed. Although this had been his night for clean-up detail, he'd also taken over the cooking from Jim, and made them stir-fry. He'd taken a perverse amount of pleasure in chopping up helpless vegetables...venting a small amount of frustration.

"TV back on yet?" he asked as he flung himself down on the couch.

"Not yet. Probably'll take a couple of days. You know how the cable gets in bad weather." Jim answered without even looking up from the magazine he was perusing.

Blair sighed. He really needed to do something--take advantage of this time, get caught up on his notes, or something. He couldn't make himself want to move though. He suddenly felt so tired...the constant tension over Jim was draining, and he felt like all his energy was suddenly sapped. Added to that the continuous level of anger he'd been maintaining over the last 24 hours...coupled with the frustration... He sighed again. Another long night...this one even without the relative merits of basketball.

"You okay, Chief?" Jim caught the second sigh, and looked over at his guide, so pale and listless looking.

"Fine."

Same answer he'd been getting all day. "Yeah? Well maybe you could explain that little stunt of yours this afternoon then."

Blair sat up, angrily brushing the hair out of his eyes. "Man, not that again. I thought we were past that, Jim."

"You could have gotten frostbite...or, what if you'd fallen? Not many people were out, I'm sure--you might have suffered from hypothermia--"

"Jim, just shut up, okay man? You're not my mother--"

"No, I'm your friend, idiot!"

"--so stop trying to act like it." Blair glared at Jim. "I'm gonna go to bed. The hell with staying out here with you if you're gonna be an ass."

Jim stared in open-mouthed shock. He couldn't believe he'd even heard what he knew he'd just heard. A faint (whist) of air moved by him as Blair passed him, and Jim could almost smell the tension that was radiating from his partner. He shook his head, hoping it was something that Sandburg was going to get straightened out soon.

Blair threw himself onto his bed and pulled the pillow over his eyes. //Gods, please get me out of this...I know he means well...I don't mean to snap at him. I just can't take much more of this wanting him and being afraid to show him...I know he doesn't care for me like I care for him--to him I'm just a friend. Well, maybe more than just a friend, but certainly not potential lover candidate. Please...please end this. Let me stop feeling this way...Or make him change his mind. Please...// He was helpless to stop the tears of anger, frustration and sadness that slid down his cheeks, and finally gave up, succumbing eventually to total exhaustion.

Jim sat and stared at Blair's door for a long time, hoping against hope that his guide would reappear, that they could talk about what was happening between them. Eventually he picked up on the calm, even measures of heart beat and breathing and knew that Blair was asleep. He sat a bit longer, then decided there was no point in staying up. Jim got up, turned out the lights, and headed up the stairs for his bed.

Thursday Morning

Blair groaned and rolled over. He was in bed...he was still dressed. Had he fallen asleep in his clothes? God, what a night last night. What a dream last night...

He'd dreamt about Jim. He and Jim, making love...kissing, touching...caressing. He'd held Jim in his arms, and stroked him until he came, crying out Blair's name. Realization of that dream made him aware of the state of his clothing--obviously his body hadn't thought it was a dream--he had the remnants of a powerful orgasm dried all over himself. He made a face and began to strip down. A shower would be real good right now...

And dammit, Jim was in there! If only he had the courage to walk in and claim what should be his... Blair stood outside the bathroom door and felt the anger and frustration well back up inside him, a huge tidal surge threatening to break. He pushed it down and walked back into his room. He'd change clothes, and try to wash up later.

He was in the kitchen making coffee when Jim sauntered out of the bathroom, totally nude, still pink from the heat of the shower. Blair dropped the canister, then nearly dropped the coffee mug.

"Hey, Chief. Sorry--" Jim ducked back into the bathroom and grabbed his towel. "I didn't know you were up--you were sound asleep when I came down."

"Yeah...just woke up a few minutes ago." Blair busied himself picking up the canister and wiping up the spilled coffee, willing his instant erection to go away.

"Sleeping kind of late, aren't you, Chief?"

Blair looked up and shot Jim an exasperated look. "Like I've got anything better to do?"

"Hey, sorry. Just making conversation."

"More like trying to pick a fight."

"What?" Jim stopped near the stairs. "You're the one who's been prickly for the last couple of days. Not me." He turned and walked up the stairs, unaware that Blair was shaking with emotion behind him.

Blair had himself under control--barely--when Jim came back down again, in sweat shorts and muscle tee. //Jesus, does he think it's summer in here? It's two below zero outside.// However, that rational portion of his brain reminded him, inside it was warm and cozy. Maybe too cozy...

Jim settled himself on the couch, at the other end from his partner. He could almost *see* the waves of tension pouring off of him, and decided he didn't want to be shut up with Blair like this any longer. There had to be better things to put their energies towards...fighting wasn't one of them.

"Hey." Jim stretched out a long leg, and poked Blair in the side with his bare foot. "Chief...talk to me. Okay? What's wrong? Has something happened? Did *I* do something?"

"Jim...just leave me alone, okay? I don't feel like talking-- stop that!" He pushed Jim's foot away, where the other man had begun playfully poking about his ribs.

"C'mon, Chief. You've been brooding for days. What's the problem? It's not like you to sulk about something."

"Sulk? *SULK*? I don't think so, Jim. I'm just in a...mood. Give me some space, and some time...I'll get over it." He pushed Jim's foot away again. "Leave me alone, dammit!"

Jim couldn't resist the urge to tease at him just a bit more. Blair couldn't really be that angry...he seldom got mad. Uptight maybe, but Jim was usually the one getting pissed about something. And he looked kind of cute, sitting there glaring across the couch. He reached his foot out again, and poked Blair one more time.

The effect was electric. Blair jumped up off the couch like a bee'd stung him. "DAMMIT--I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" He screamed as he backed away from the couch, where he began pacing the floor, movements like a panther stalking prey.

Jim sat there for several long moments, staring at Blair, his mouth nearly gaping open in astonishment. Blair had never been this angry--at anything--in all the time he'd known him. This had him floored. And he'd made it worse by pushing with the teasing bit...

Jim stood up and walked toward him, intent on apologizing. He wasn't aware that the other man had moved until Blair was up in his face...he saw the arm come out, moving toward him as if in slow-mo...and bent over double then, gasping, when Blair's fist caught him square in the solar plexus, all his weight behind the punch. He stood there, wheezing, trying to regain his breath. He sensed Blair in the background pacing, and muttering, "I told you to leave me alone...Now get up, damn you...Jim, get up...GET UP!"

After a long minute of forcing his body to relax and try to breathe, Jim could feel the oxygen working it's way through his system, and he straightened up. Anger was beginning to replace the astonishment he'd felt. What was going on here? Blair was still pacing behind him, muttering under his breath. What in the hell had pushed Blair to throwing that punch? A quick look at Blair told him that his partner was ready to go at him again--he was moving in 'fighting mode' as Jim used to call it. He held his hands up. "I'm not going to fight you, Chief."

Blair sneered at him then, that beautiful face (what?!) twisted into something ugly. "Why not? I'm not good enough for you even to fight with?"

"What?" *What* had he just heard? He shook his head, arms coming up defensively when he saw Blair edging closer. "No...Come on Chief...I don't want to hurt you..."

"Hurt me? *You* don't want to hurt *me*? Oh, that's rich...C'mon, big guy. Take a swing at me...you know you want to...come on..."

Jim shook his head warily. "No. I'm not going to."

"Pity for the smaller man? I'll show you--" Blair rushed toward Jim, who feinted out of the way, then quickly moved up behind Blair, and pulled him back against him. Jim pinned Blair's arms down against his sides, holding him tight by wrapping his arms around Blair's chest. Blair struggled against the iron bands that were holding him. "Let go of me!"

"No way, Chief. Not until you calm down some. Jesus, if I didn't know better I'd say you were on drugs. Hold still, damn you!" Jim tightened his hold on the younger man, trying to still his thrashing. "C'mon, Blair...calm down...calm down..." He dropped his voice a bit, trying to imbue calm through his speech. He thought Blair had calmed down a bit, and relaxed his hold slightly. That was a mistake.

Blair seized the opportunity by immediately renewing his thrashing. He shook his whole body, and in one moment flung his head backward, making contact with Jim's jaw and lip.

"Uhhh! Ow, dammit, Blair!" Jim dropped his arms completely from his hold on Blair and brought a finger up to touch his lip. It was already beginning to swell, and he could taste a faint coppery tang on his tongue where blood had welled out of the split.

Blair stood in front of him, panting, trying to regain control over himself. He couldn't even remember now why he was so angry- -just that he was, and he needed to do something to relieve the incredible pressure of that anger. He couldn't see anything beyond the reddish haze behind his eyes. He didn't know what he was doing anymore--the intense emotions of the last couple of days had caught up with him, amassing into a swirling miasma of rage that burned all rational thoughts from his brain. Blair was working on auto-pilot now. All he knew was that he wanted to strike out at something, do anything to relieve these feelings.

Jim watched the struggle playing out on Blair's face, hoping Blair could bring himself down. He himself had no intention of doing anything that would hurt Blair--he couldn't even stand the thought of it--but he didn't want Blair to do something that would end up hurting himself.

"Oof!" He didn't have time to think again then, when Blair launched himself across the floor and tackled Jim, pushing him down with all his weight behind him. Jim's head hit the floor and he felt the sickening thud reverberate through him. Blindly he began pushing at Blair, trying to shove him off--the other man's hands were scrabbling at him, grabbing at his throat, ripping at his shirt.

They grappled with each other, rolling over and over on the floor, each one gaining then losing the edge as the heat of the battle began to fade a bit. They came to rest in front of the fireplace, with Blair straddling Jim's thighs, hands pinning his shoulders to the floor.

Jim lay under him, dazed from the impact as well as the blow to his head when he hit the floor. He could feel Blair's weight, heard him panting--and knew he was too, trying to get breath into a body that was still running on pure adrenaline.

"Why?" He wheezed unsteadily, lifting his eyes up to meet Blair's. "What's wrong with you?"

Blair shook his head, feeling some of the rage draining out of him at the look on Jim's face. He closed his eyes against the confusion and hurt he saw there. Confusion, hurt, and something that looked like affection. Blair opened his eyes again. "I can't explain it..." His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes again. "Don't ask me...Please don't ask me, Jim."

"Ask you what, Chief?" Jim tried to keep his voice gentle, but his patience was beginning to wear a bit. He'd just been attacked by the last person in the world he would've expected that from...and now he wasn't supposed to ask? He opened his mouth to form the actual question, when he felt Blair's temperature increase, and a new source of heat against his body. He felt the evidence of Blair's arousal pressing into him; felt himself growing hard against Blair in response. //In response to Blair, or to the fight?// He questioned himself. He knew it wasn't unusual to get a hard-on after fighting--all that adrenaline rushing through the body, heart rate and respirations increased, tactile sensitivity heightened... He just usually hadn't been in a position to do much about it, like he was now...

Oh, shit. What was he thinking?

He raised his eyes back up to meet Blair's, and was shocked by the raw hunger he saw there--and by what he suddenly felt coursing through him. He also saw something else...love? ...shining in Blair's eyes. "Chief? What's going on?" He tried to steady his voice; wished it hadn't wavered as much.

Blair shook his head. "Like you don't know? Right. You want it too, man...I can feel it."

"You've got to be kidding, Chief. I don't--" Jim broke off as Blair ground his pelvis into Jim's. He gasped as their cocks rubbed against each other, heat against heat, even through the clothes they were wearing.

"You want it too, don't you?" Blair lowered his head slightly toward Jim, and Jim pulled back into himself; half wanting, half fearing that Blair would kiss him. The hands that had been pinning him to the floor were suddenly soft on his shoulders, slightly caressing.

"Want...what?" Jim heard the hoarse quality to his voice, knew he was drawing this out as much from fear as anything.

"Me. Us. This--us together. You feel it, don't you? A connection between us?" Blair gazed down at Jim, noting the darkened, dilated eyes. He was calm now, the rage spent--gone as quickly as it had appeared, like a hurricane. Now there was only the aftermath to deal with, and he hoped he hadn't ruined everything. His eyes bore into Jim's, trying to communicate what he was feeling, what he'd been feeling.

"Blair...I--" Jim broke off, not sure of what he wanted to say. 'Let me up?' 'Kiss me?' 'Take me, make me yours, let me make you mine?' He watched the slow descent of Blair's head as it inclined toward his, and felt his stomach curl in anticipation. He *did* want this. Wanted to feel Blair's mouth on his own.

Blair did kiss him then, a hard kiss that was almost punishing in it's intensity, bruising pressure against Jim's split lip. They struggled with each other for domination in the kiss, Jim finally giving over to Blair with a faint groan. Blair explored Jim's mouth with his own, nipping and sucking, stroking tongue against tongue. He pulled away when he felt Jim's hips beginning to move hesitantly under him. Both men were breathing hard.

"You do want it, don't you?" Blair brought his hands down from Jim's shoulders to caress his chest, fingers lightly pinching at nipples that were already hard from other stimulation.

Jim groaned softly. "Oh, yeah...God, Blair..." He covered Blair's hands with his own, and together they finished ripping the torn T-shirt off him. Blair gave Jim a wicked smile, then lowered his head to lick at those hard little nubs. Jim groaned louder, and captured Blair's hair in one hand, tugging his head back up for more kisses.

"Eager for it, huh?" Blair gasped when they pulled apart again. He worked his way, kissing and licking, down Jim's body until he reached the shorts--and Jim's cock that was throbbing through them. "Want me, big guy?"

"Yesss... Do it..." Jim pushed his groin up toward Blair, straining against the fabric that was encasing him. Blair lowered his head and began nuzzling the hard organ through the cloth, mouthing the head of it, breathing warm air over all. Jim twisted and pushed up, moaning almost continuously. Blair reached down and pulled Jim's shorts off, baring his cock. He lowered his head, taking Jim into his mouth. The bigger man gave a gasp that sounded almost like a scream when Blair took him all into his throat, swallowing him as far as he could. After several repeats of that, Blair backed off slightly, and began to lick up and down the hard shaft. He licked all the way down one side, stopping to take each testicle in turn into his mouth to suckle on it, then licked his way back up. After several long caressing licks to the head, he sucked the hard cock back into his mouth, and began a steady sucking, pulling and massaging the heavy sac of Jim's testicles.

Jim lay beneath Blair, writhing from his ministrations, brain in total meltdown. Everywhere he wanted Blair to touch, he was there. It was as if Jim had only to think what he wanted, and Blair did it. Now he wanted to touch Blair...had to feel his skin beneath his fingertips. He made a slight noise, and Blair shifted a bit, turning his body so that Jim could reach him better. He ran his hands across Blair's back, then down further, massaging and caressing Blair's ass. He moved one hand around to Blair's front, and massaged his hard cock through the jeans Blair still wore. He felt his body tightening up in response to Blair's incredible blowjob, and tried to pull himself away. He didn't want to come yet... Blair grabbed his hips and held them down, pistoning his mouth up and down with a ferocious intensity. Jim felt his body spasming, and came into Blair's mouth with a yell.

Blair sat back with a smug grin that quickly faded into a look of wanton hunger. "I want you, Jim." Blair leaned close and whispered into Jim's ear, "I want to fuck you..." He ran a hand down the length of Jim's body, and felt that body shudder beneath his touch.

Jim nodded, feeling his heart racing out of control when Blair stood up and stripped off his clothing. In the weak light of the room, backlit with the glow from the fireplace, Blair's body was a thing of beauty. He wasn't as tall as Jim, but broad through the chest, //Why didn't I ever pay attention,// Jim wondered muzzily as looked up and down his--lover's body. Lover. He shivered with the thought.

Blair crouched down next to Jim, feeling a bit of that wild intensity beginning to flow through him again. Not rage this time...but an adrenaline surge nonetheless. He ran his hands over Jim, following with his tongue, wanting to taste every inch. "You're so beautiful," he muttered as he licked and kissed and touched his way around the large frame. "I want all of you...I want to bury myself in you, take you and make you mine."

"God, yes..." Jim breathed, feeling his cock beginning to harden again from the erotic tone of the words. Blair was pushing at him, and he rolled over onto his stomach, and drew his knees up under him.

"Oh, man...you've got the greatest ass..." Blair whispered the words as he stroked Jim, and Jim felt the words burning themselves into his brain along with the touch. He wiggled his hips slightly as Blair's motions became more precise, faster. He heard a sucking noise and looked back over his shoulder at Blair pulling two fingers out of his mouth. The first wet finger traced a line down the cleft of his cheeks, then began rubbing at the puckered entrance to his body. He moaned as the finger pressed against him, seeking entry. Something gave slightly, and the finger gained entrance. Jim moaned at the evasive feeling, and squirmed slightly. Blair steadied him with a hand on his hip. "Just relax, Jim. Relax..." The finger began a gentle thrusting in and out, and Jim felt himself relaxing into the motions. A second finger was added then, and the motions repeated. By this time Jim was rock hard again, and he began stroking his own cock in time with Blair's thrusts. "Ready, big guy?"

Jim managed a terse nod. He didn't think he could have spoken if his life had depended on it. He heard Blair spitting, and a wet stroking noise, then felt the head of Blair's cock pressed against him.

"Ooohhh..." This was much larger than one, or even two fingers. It hurt-- He relaxed his body as much as he could, and had to concentrate on his breathing. It felt as though he was being stretched apart...

Then Blair was all the way in, panting over him with the effort it took not to shove all the way. He held still for a moment, giving Jim a chance to get used to him, then began moving. Jim gasped at the sensation, felt the burning spread through him. He welcomed it--it sent shock waves tingling throughout his entire body.

Blair stretched his body up along Jim's, and nibbled the side of his neck, caressing the light bites with his tongue afterward. He thrust in and out, quickly gaining speed and force. He'd dreamt of this for so long...wanted Jim so badly. He wanted to make love to him; fuck him; hold him tight and never let him go. He wanted Jim to want him just as badly, for as long as they lived. He wanted him forever. Blair reached around and wrapped a hand around Jim's as he stroked his own cock. Together they pumped him, as Blair thrust harder and faster into Jim from behind. Blair felt his orgasm start--it felt like it started in his toes, the intensity was so great. Jim came just a split second before he did, and the tightening muscles around Blair's cock sent him over the edge. He gave a hard thrust and felt himself explode into the hot channel surrounding him.

When Blair came back to his senses he and Jim were laying in a tangled heap on the floor in front of the fireplace. Jim was stroking a hand through his hair, gently caressing his head. He turned to face him, intent on apologizing for the fight, and to thank him for the precious gift he'd just shared. The sight of the swollen, split lip caught his attention and he gasped.

"Oh, God, Jim..." He couldn't even force the words out. What had he done?

"It's okay, Chief. It's okay." Jim stroked the curly hair back off the hot forehead, and brushed a kiss across Blair's brow. He lay back then, his own head throbbing from the banging it had received earlier. Jim sighed, and licked his lips, still tasting Blair there.

Soft warm lips covered his then, moving gently over the injured lip, drawing back slightly at his gasp of pain. A soft tongue easing out to lick at the split, then pushing slightly against his own lips, seeking entry.

Jim opened his mouth under Blair's then, granting entry to him, allowing the questing tongue in. Blair leaned closer in against Jim, and Jim raised his arms to cradle Blair into him, holding him close. They kissed, softly and tenderly, then more fiercely as passions began to flow again. Blair pulled away from Jim then and ran a finger across Jim's lip.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, barely whispering the words. Jim could see the emotions reflected in his guide's eyes, and knew he was; Blair was not a man to hurt someone on purpose. "I don't know what happened...I wanted you so bad--I've wanted you for so long--and then we were stuck here..." He broke off, eyes closing as he considered what he'd done. "I hurt you. I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't." Jim rolled them onto their sides and pulled Blair closer. "It's superficial--don't worry about it." He leaned close to brush a whisper soft kiss across Blair's lips, then pulled Blair's hips against his, emphasizing the hardness that was there, pulsing impatiently. "What you should worry about is the injury *I'll* inflict if you don't finish what you started here."

Blair pulled away slightly and gaped at Jim. "You're not mad? Jim, I acted like a complete ass."

Jim sighed and rolled onto his back. "I'm upset about it--I wish you had talked to me about it...not assumed I wouldn't be interested."

"Would you have been? Six months ago?"

Jim looked at him speculatively, running his eyes up and down the lithe form stretched out next to him. "I honestly don't know. But at least I'd have known...and could have made a decision based on that. You didn't even let choose yes or no--until it was almost too late."

"I love you, you know." Blair whispered the words, eyes searching Jim's for clues to his reaction.

"I know. I love you too. I wish you'd trusted me with that."

"So do I. Do you think...you could trust me again?"

Jim smiled at his lover. "I'm willing to give it a shot--if you promise you'll let me know when something's bothering you, rather than keeping it bottled up inside of you."

"Promise." Blair's response came out as a heartfelt breath of air against Jim's face. He snuggled up to Jim and sighed. "God, I love you so much. I'm so, so sorry, Jim."

Jim wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Words didn't seem necessary, just reassuring gestures.

Epilogue - Monday morning

"C'mon, lazy butt. We have to get to work. Just because we've lazed around all weekend..." Jim paused to kiss his partner thoroughly. Blair stretched and smiled, then cracked an eye open.

"It's 5:00am, Jim! Since when do we get up this early?"

"Since I woke up at 4:45am, hard as iron from wanting you." Jim growled the words into Blair's neck, nibbling along the sensitive skin there. Blair gasped and came fully awake.

"Gotcha. Ooh, yeah...right...there..." He gasped again when Jim's warm mouth covered his right nipple, while long fingers sought out the other one and began gently pinching it. Blair pushed his erection into Jim's leg, and began rubbing back and forth. "Mmm...can't believe...ahh...yeah...that you've never done this...oh!...before..."

"Mmm." Jim lifted his head from his work. "Never said I hadn't done it before...just that I hadn't done it with a man before."

"S-s-semantics. Oh, God!" Blair arched his body into Jim's as the other man nipped at his very sensitive nipples. "Oh, man...take me, Jim...now...please...fill me up...I want you..."

"Oh, baby..." Jim leaned down and breathed into Blair's ear. "I love you, Blair." He quickly found the lube under the pillow, and was ready in a minute. Jim pushed Blair's legs up, and pulled the younger man to him. He pushed two fingers into Blair, and thrust them back and forth, loosening his lover up a bit, then placed the head of his cock at the opening. Blair groaned and thrashed his head back and forth as Jim slid into him.

"God, I love that. I love you. Oh, man...do it...Fuck me, Jim..."

"Oh, yeah, baby..." Jim claimed Blair's mouth, pushing his tongue into the other man's mouth, mimicking what his body was doing. He sat back on his haunches then, and pulled Blair even closer, so he could watch the younger man stroking his own cock. It was the most erotic sight--watching Blair getting off from both internal and external stimulation. Jim felt Blair tightening up around him, and shifted his position slightly so he could thrust harder. Blair came, shooting all over both of their stomachs, and Jim followed behind him, erupting inside Blair.

"Okay..." Blair said when he could speak coherently again. "I guess you can wake me up at five in the morning...if you wake me up like that every time."

Jim smiled but didn't say anything, just lay there while Blair nuzzled into him.

Seven am found them scrambling around to finish getting dressed. Jim grumbled about where the time had gone--they'd certainly gotten up early enough. Blair pointed out that it didn't matter if they fell back asleep.

The weekend had been a good one. After the nearly-averted disaster on Thursday, Blair had been anxious to talk to Jim; to tell him everything he'd been feeling for so long, and how it had built up over time. He still wasn't sure what had happened to trigger the reaction he'd had--he only hoped it was a one-time thing.

They'd spent the remaining days--when they weren't talking-- making love. In front of the fireplace; on the couch; in bed (both of them), and one particularly hair-raising time on the stairs up to the loft.

Blair gave Jim a long, hot kiss before they left the loft. "Keep thinking about me today, big boy," he whispered as he licked Jim's ear.

Jim laughed shakily. "Like I'd forget after *that*? Not a chance." He paused to draw a deep breath. "But you'd better not be anywhere near me for a while...I'm likely to forget where we are, and push you to your knees." He grinned. "It would serve you right, too."

Blair regarded him seriously, then dropped down in front of Jim. "You mean like this?" he questioned as he rubbed his face against the noticeable bulge. Jim reached down and tugged him up.

"We don't have time right now. But I swear to God, Sandburg...I'm gonna hold you to it later..."

Blair's laughter followed them down the hallway toward the garage.

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