Work Text:
WARNINGS: Insanity. (Well, it was a chat...) This
story was produced after WAAAAAY too much caffeine on behalf of the various
members. Plot has also been sighted, although that is an unconfirmed
rumour.
Sex? You betcha! Physically impossible and highly dubious premise? Who
cares! Welcome to planet Zoo... lt; BB and CS prance off into the
sunset with JE and BS doing the funky cowboy dance..>
It started with a chat....
Blair'sBoff: Blair would look so damn...EROTIC. There's no
other
word for it.
Peppie: LOL
Blair'sBoff: but he WOULD
Peppie: well, why don't you write one like that..maybe
make
it gen and a dream?
Blair'sBoff: clucky Blair. Jim holding his hand and wiping
his
brow saying push Push.
Peppie: ROTFLMAO...I can see Jim doing that too!
** Blair'sBoff grins **
Blair'sBoff: OHGODDESS
** Blair'sBoff is rolling around gasping for breath **
Blair'sBoff: Just thinking, that panicked look on B's face
when
Jim wants him to jump the cliff in Survival...
Peppie: yeah...wasn't that just dreamy?
Blair'sBoff: Stick it on a table with sweat and nurses and
whack
a kid on the end!!!!
** Peppie got the popcorn watching the delivery room scene **
** Blair'sBoff is PISSING herself **
Peppie: PUSH, Babe, PUSH!!! You can do it lil' buddy
Peppie: I can't push anymore, I can't....OH. MY God. JIM!!!!
Blair'sBoff: LOL!!!!
Peppie: YEP....I can see it now
Blair'sBoff: Ok, I gotta challenge for ya!
Peppie: Ummmmm...okay...
Blair'sBoff: Write: A story with a pregnant Blair - MALE (can
be AU)
Blair'sBoff: CAN be AU? Pretty bloody well HAS to be!
Peppie: you want ME...to write it?..that's a joke..how
about
we do it together....
** Blair'sBoff is pissing herself again. **
Blair'sBoff: Ok.
Blair'sBoff: Ummm, who's the da?
** Peppie thinks BB needs to wear DEPENDS for this exercise **
Peppie: Jim's the da
Blair'sBoff: so slash?
Peppie: well...don't know...I can't see anyone else getting
Blair pregnant...can you?
Blair'sBoff: Oh smarmy...Blair has craps, Jim's stuck between
petting and trying to get him to the hospital for the Csection
Blair'sBoff: Blair will never carry his pocketknife again!
** Blair'sBoff lunges for the depends...**
Blair'sBoff: CRAMPS not craps!!!! LOL!!
Peppie: how did our guppy get pregnant? and LOL....no more
pocket knive
Blair'sBoff: Oh god, Simon reacting to a porky, waddling Blair...
Peppie: LOL! Oh my god! Can you imagine Simon's face?
Blair'sBoff: He'd be a gentleman. Offering his plush seat
Peppie: LOL
Blair'sBoff: Goddess, I think I just BROKE SOMETHING!!!~LOLLOLOLOLO
Blair'sBoff: He'd be all concerned, ala BMB facial expressions...
Peppie: and the grunts....
Blair'sBoff: Ok, ok, lets do it, let's do this.
Peppie: sure! but how is Blair gonna get pregnant? any
ideas?
Blair'sBoff: ok, 1. our universe, our physical laws.
Blair'sBoff: 2. Male pregnancy carrying.
Peppie: a college experiment gone amok?
Blair'sBoff: LOL!
Blair'sBoff: 3. Carrying someone ELSES baby, ala DS9 w/ Kira
Blair'sBoff: Blair waddling around in a kaftan, moving back
into his lower bedroom, backrubs...
** Blair'sBoff swoons **
Blair'sBoff: Getting all bitchy and hormonal...
Blair'sBoff: and Sex mad...
Peppie: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Blair'sBoff: yeah, I had to go through it. Payback time.
Peppie: LOL! POOR BLAIR
Blair'sBoff: I think I'm gonna fall off the xcchair!!!!
Blair'sBoff: Ok, I have a weekend tomorrow. Let's do this!
Peppie: okay! sounds fun
Blair'sBoff: Got a start line: 'You're WHAT?'
'A Blessed Event'
By BB and CS
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ONE MONTH:
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"You're What?"
"I'm pregnant, Jim...It's finally happened"
Jim stood open mouthed for a moment, then strode across the loft to sweep his lover into his arms. "We're gonna have a family, Chief. Are you sure about this? I mean it's a little late now but-" He got no further as Blair leaned up and clammed onto him. Two tongues did graceful battle, then broke for air.
"I want this, Jim, I want to have a baby with you. No females, just us...you got it?" Blair leaned his head against his partner's chest, fingers trailing idly through the material of his sweater.
"We're gonna have a baby," Jim whispered, holding his lover as if he was made of china. "We're gonna have a baby."
"I'm gonna have a baby," Blair poked him in the chest. "I don't see you getting all overweight and clucky."
"I still can't believe it, Chief," Jim groaned. "We are going to be parents, you and me..." he leaned down and captured Blair's mouth again. Still holding his lover with ultimate care he lifted him into his arms and took the stairs two at a time
Blair kept talking all the way, arms around his partner's strong neck. "..and fat ankles and weird sandwiches..."
kiss "you already eat weird sandwiches," lick "babe"
"You know, Jim, I don't really understand the dynamics of this yet," Blair began as he was laid reverently on the bed and tenderly undressed, " and I don't mean for this to sound cliched or anything but," kiss "Uhhhh..." lick "....Jim..." stroke "Do you think we could cause any harm to our child" suck "doing this?"
"Chief, I don't think we are in any danger of that."I "Do you want me to stop?" Jim drew back, leaving his partner achingly erect.
"James Ellison, you get your butt back here!" Blair growled, hooking his hand in his partner's shirt, bringing the Sentinel down slow, seductively ravishing his mouth with his tongue.
"mmph..." Jim gave in, carefully lowering himself to one side
With a growl, Blair pulled him over. "Top, I want you on top," he demanded.
Jim lazily rolled over, blanketing every inch of his lover's body. "Love you," he whispered, trailing a line of kisses down the smooth jaw, along Blair's collarbone. Blair shifted into the caresses, moaning slightly. Jim kissed his way along the dark-haired chest, pausing to pay special attention to his midriff. Cupping his partner's sides gently in his hands, he tenderly kissed the lean muscles playing under the skin. Kissing his baby, where it was growing and ..
He broke off, dragging in a gasp of air at the intensity of the emotions flooding through him. Blair looked up at him with puzzled, slightly frenzied eyes. "Jim?"
The Sentinel bent his head again, kissing, lips moving softly, gently across the dark hairs, slipping slightly down the furrow leading to the groin, then coming back up to delicately circle the soft indent of the navel.
Blair laughed and squirmed underneath him, and Jim watched the jump and spasm of muscles, mesmerised by the supple play underneath smooth skin. Rubbing his forehead against the movement, he chuckled a little at the disappointed moans beneath him.
Kneeling, the Sentinel rocked back to sit on his calves. "Blair -"
He got no further as a hairy bundle of arousal smacked into him, pinning him to the bed. With a deep growl, Blair clung to his mouth, tongue pushing through, demanding his due. Jim surrendered to the sensations somewhat dazedly as Blair took control, feeling hard muscle under soft skin, velvet hair brushing against his cheek, his neck, his collarbone, his chest, as his Guide worked his way down, licking, kissing and nibbling everything on the way.
Jim jerked his hips up spasmodically as that mane of softness brushed his groin, an agile tongue laving the inside of his thighs. Reaching down, he tangled his fingers in the dark curls, tugging his lover's face up to his.
Blindly they writhed on the bed, softly fighting for control, leg over leg, lips glued together, hands roaming everywhere, until some spark of rationality broke through, and Jim let his lover take the upper hand.
With a savage crow of triumph, Blair flipped Jim onto his back. Straddling his thighs, the anthropologist sunk himself deep into the waiting flesh.
And everything changed.
Leaning forward, Blair began raining gentle kisses on the back of Jim's neck. "Oh, babe," kiss "Jim," kiss "Love you. Love you so much." He began to rock, slowly, tenderly at first, then harder and harder, slamming into his partner as they began to move in tandem, the Sentinel raising his hips to meet the frenzied thrusts. With a strangled cry he came, shooting deep inside his lover, and Jim came as well, screaming into the soft sheets under his face.
Shaking a little, Blair slowly withdrew and crawled up to lay beside Jim as he turned, seeking shelter in the strong arms of the father of his baby. "Oh, Jim," he felt a wave of love wash over him, so strong he felt he would die.
And he would, he realised. He would die without another thought for this strong, powerful yet fragile, tender, incredibly complex man.
Jim kissed his forehead, then each of his cheeks in turn, wrapping him in a blanket of safety with those strong arms. "I love you, Blair."
"Love you, Jim." Blair smiled, a little dopily. I'm having his baby.
TWO MONTHS:
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"You tell him."
"No, you tell him."
"I'm already carrying everything else," Blair snickered at his own double entendre and poked his partner in the ribs. "You tell him."
"Sandburg! Ellison!" the bellow from their Captain interrupted the byplay. "Will somebody just tell me what the hell is going on?"
Blair mimed zipping his lips shut and turned a smug gaze onto his lover. Well?
"Simon, you know how..." Jim hesitated. "Remember that..." he trailed off into silence and started again, returning to his original line of attack. "You know how Blair and I -"
Blair rolled his eyes as Jim stuttered away to nothing again and gave up. "I'm pregnant."
Simon spat his cigar across the room. "WHAT?"
"Preeegnaant" Blair drew the word out, a cheeky grin on his face as he mimed the appropriate bulge. "Up the duff. The culmination of a good night's sex with inadequate protection. You know, pregnant."
"Pregnant?"
"Yup," Blair beamed. "The little strip is red"
"Pregnant?"
Blair shrugged and turned to Jim. "I think I broke him."
"Simon," Jim began. "You know how Blair and I signed up for that program about six months back? The one with the male pregnancy carrying?"
The burly captain nodded dazedly. "The one that uses those genetic input from both male parents and -" he broke off and looked up, disbelief on his face. "Fuck me." The others blinked at the epithet from the normally polite Captain. "It worked?"
Jim nodded, grinning goofily as he drew his lover to his side. "We're gonna have a baby boy!"
"Girl, Jim." Blair corrected.
"Shit!" Simon leapt to his feet and hurried around the desk, bringing a chair up behind Blair. "Sit down, Sandburg, take it easy," he fussed.
Laughing, Blair let himself be pushed into the seat. "Geez, Simon, take a pill!" he laughed, patting the air with his hands as the Captain knelt in front of him.
"Dammit, Jim, how far long?"
"Hey," Blair tapped him on the shoulder. "I'm right here, man. Two months."
"Two months?" Simon shot Jim a furious look. "What the hell did you think you were doing, Ellison, bringing him in here? Dammit, Joan had a hard enough time with Daryl, and she was made to carry children!" He turned back to Blair, dropping his voice to a soothing note. "How are you doing, Sandburg? Shouldn't you be resting?"
Blair nearly fell off the chair, he was laughing so hard. "Simon, man, I'm fine. The doc said I could keep up the normal stuff, just as long as I keep taking the medication and don't push myself too hard later on."
"Who's your doctor? What medication? What about side effects?"
"Ian Richardson's the doctor. He's the guy who conceived the program. The medication's just some hormone boosters to make up for the female ones I don't produce high enough normally, that's all. He said I didn't even need suppressants for rejection, me and Jim - " Blair patted his partner's hand where it sat on his shoulder. "- are the most genetically compatible pairing he's ever seen. That's why he picked us, right off the bat."
"What about side effects?" Simon repeated forcefully.
"Geez, Simon, you said you knew what Joan was like." Blair shrugged. "Weird cravings, mood swings, just your normal stuff. I'm kinda looking forward to it, actually."
"Looking forward to it my ass. You just want to bully Jim around, doncha? Well let me you tell you something, Sandburg. Joan nearly killed me with those God-awful mood swings and strange cravings in the middle of the night. Did I ever tell you the story about how she woke me up to get pecan ice cream at two in the morning? No, I better not get into the details but she was NUTS, I thought I was going to be singing soprano before THAT night was over." Simon shook his head and turned to Jim.
"I think I can handle it, Sir."
"Riiiiiiight. Well, who's next on the list? Who are you telling now?"
"I think that would be them now," Blair said, hands motioning to the two partners, Rafe and Brown playfully shoving each other on their way to their desks.
The look of apprehension that passed between the two partners was not lost on Sentinel and Guide as they made their way out of Simon's office, strolling over to their desks.
The collected detectives of Major crimes exchanged uneasy looks as Blair walked up and down in front of them in the break room, a nervous bundle of energy. The anthropologist brushed his fingers through his hair, fussed with his sweater and clasped his hands in front of him.
Brown leaned over and whispered in his partner's ear. "I don't like this, Brian. Reminds me of that time he signed us up for the benefit concert."
"No, man, - looks worse! Look at those eyes, H. It's that puppy dog stare. The one he always pulls on Ellison "
"Just keep calm, Rafe, and whatever you do, do not let him see you sweat. Your goose is cooked then... "
"'Hey guys! Do you know where Joel is? I kinda wanted to tell you all at the same time...Man...I'm SO hyped about this..." Right then, by the continuous bouncing, the animated hand movements and that gleam in his eyes, they KNEW that they were done for.
Joel walked in and Rafe whimpered. "Oh please let it be quick..."
"Um, hi Joel could you come over here for a minute?" Blair hopped up onto the counter, then jumped back down as Joel took his place beside the almost fear stricken duo. "Umm, Jim and I have some news...." He pulled a chair out and took a deep breath. "Now, I'm sure you all know about that program we signed up for, right?"
Three heads nodded in unison.
"And you know what it was all about?"
Another triple nod. Jim could almost hear the nuts and bolts rattling around in their heads.
Blair clapped his hands together quickly. "Then it's settled." He got up and bounced for the door. "Man, I'm starving,"
Jim grabbed his arm before he made it out of the room. 'Spill it, Sandburg," he grinned.
Blair shook his head. "Man, I don't need to. They're all detectives, right? They got the facts, just gotta jam them together."
Three blank faces and one smirking Captain looked at him from inside the office door..
Blair shook his head sadly. "I give up. I'm going for lunch. Who wants wonderburger?"
Joel got up out his chair so fast he knocked it over "You can't be...there is NO WAY!"
"YES way! And I am!" Blair said indignantly
Joel began pacing leaving the other's to 'get it' so far...nothing, just two blank eyed, open mouthed stares from the two younger detectives.
Jim, finally feeling sorry for the two lost souls answered the unspoken question. "Blair is -"
Sandburg quickly covered his lover's mouth with his hand. "I'm pregmumble."
"Speak up, Sandburg, I don't believe they heard you." Simon said, almost cheerfully, worrying the two younger detectives more. Their Captain WAS NEVER cheerful.
"I'm pregnant, okay?!"
Brown was a the first one to recover, "Hairboy, you can't be pregnant, you're a..." he sputtered for a moment"... you're a, a MAN, man!"
Rafe just sat there, mouth moving like an elderly goldfish that had just been fed. Finally his voice powered in behind the words. 'wow... oh WOW!!' he jumped to his feet and enveloped the observer in a bear hug "Blair, that's fantastic!!"
Simon, Joel and Henri all gaped at him. "Huh??"
Henri tapped his partner on the head. "You ok, Rafe? He just said he's pregnant."
"Yeah, I know, isn't it great??" Rafe thumped Jim on the shoulder.
"But he's a man" Henri stressed, just in case this rather obvious fact had escaped his partner's notice.
Rafe shot his partner a sad look. "Didn't you read up on the program?"
Flabbergasted, Henri blinked at him. "You did?"
"Course I did. My cousin Michael and his husband are signed up for the same thing."
"Well that's news to me, Rafe! When did you think about sharing this little information with your PARTNER, hmmm?"
"H, you never listen, I told you two months ago when Blair here handed us the brochures."
The verbal sparring continued until Blair spoke up mischievously, ribbing his lover. "Sound like an old married couple don't they, Jim?"
Joel couldn't quite hold back the chuckle as two blank-eyed stares focused in Sandburg and Ellison's retreating figures, two jaws hanging open in stunned silence.
THREE MONTHS:
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"And that's it for this class." Blair tucked his glasses in his pocket and leaned forward a little on the lectern. "Now, I know you've all heard the scuttlebutt, and I'd just like to say, yes. It's true. I'm pregnant. And Jim is the father." He raised his hands to quieten the cheers and babble of voices that rose up from his class. "I'm not going to be teaching for a while, but I'd like to say that it's been a pleasure, and -" he smiled wryly "- a real pain in the ass sometimes teaching all of you."
With a dramatic bow, Blair turned and threw open the door. "Now, go home!"
It took him half an hour to make his way through the crowd of students offering heartfelt congratulations and little gifts, but he managed it, and headed for his office.
"Blair?"
"Michelle!" he turned and kissed the cheek of a fellow Teaching Fellow, steering her over to a bench on the grass. "How are you?"
"Oooh, fat," she huffed as she worked her way down onto the bench. "You got all this to look forward to, Blair."
Blair grinned, avidly taking in her rounded belly. "I can't wait!" he enthused.
"You're insane," she shifted gingerly, tucking her pack behind her back. "I swear, this kid's gonna be born wearing boots." She took hold of one of his hands and ran it across her stomach. "Feel that."
Blair's eyes widened as the baby kicked against his touch. "Hey!"
"That is not my side of the family. I blame Andrew. That's what he gets for reading it the football stats. Oh, before I forget," Michelle reached behind her and pulled a book out of her pack. "This is for you. Believe me, this book will become your bible."
Blair took the book, flipping it to read the cover. "What to expect when you're expecting." He laughed and kissed her cheek. "Thanks. But I can't take it, I mean - you might need it."
"Are you kidding?" Michelle patted her stomach affectionately. "Another two weeks and I'm free, honey!" She looked up as a car drew up in front of the main building, beeping its horn. "That's Andrew, I'd better get going," She accepted the proffered hand up and kissed him again. "Take care of yourself, Blair. Take care of your baby too."
"I will!" Blair waved as the car pulled out and drove away. Chuckling a little, he opened the book and started reading as he continued to his office.
A dark shadow blocked his light a second before he walked into a solid body. "Ooops, sorry man," he said absently. "Kinda involved in reading." He stepped to the left and the shadow stepped with him. Finally Blair looked up. "Yes?" He vaguely recognised the guy. Eric.. Longman. Big on campus with the jocks.
"I heard about the news, professor." Longman sneered, poking him in the chest.
Blair backed up reflexively, dropping the book as he held his hands up placatingly. "Hey man..."
"I don't wanna hear it. You and your little faggot boyfriend having a kid. Aww, that's so sweet, I think I'm gonna puke." He pushed Blair again, hard, and the anthropologist skidded, landing flat on his ass on the ground. "Little faggots make me sick." Longman drew back a fist and suddenly found himself handcuffed to a bicycle rack.
"I'd watch what you say," Rafe growled from behind the rack.
"Or what?" Longman lunged for the smaller man, forgetting he was chained to a pole "You his faggot lover or something?"
"Nope," Rafe pointed casually behind Longman. "He is."
The jock swallowed slowly as Jim unfolded behind him. "Do you have a problem?" Jim asked, burly body trembling with tightly furled anger.
"No.." Longman squeaked as the Sentinel advanced, growling softly at the man who had dared threaten his mate. Reaching out one huge hand, Jim twisted it in the front of Longman's shirt, hauling the man up and clenching a fist.
Blair grabbed hold of Rafe's hand and scrambled to his feet. "Jim! Don't do this man, don't you DARE think about killing that guy," he yelled. "I'm not going to be one of those frigging prison widows, you hear me?? Don't you even THINK about leaving me alone like this!" The harsh words got through where a Guide voice might have failed. Ellison slowly blinked, then hurried to his lover, taking him by the elbow and steering him to sit on the steps.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, " Blair wiped some of the grass off his hands. "Asshole," he muttered in the direction of the bicycle rack. He stilled his motion as Jim held a hand against his stomach, slipping it under the black turtleneck, a look of fierce concentration on his face. "Everything ok in there?" he asked worriedly.
Jim was silent for a moment longer, shifting hand positions, pressing down gently, but firmly on the soft curve of his lover's abdomen as Blair watched anxiously. Finally he flashed his million-dollar smile. "Yep. Fine." He pulled Blair to his feet. "This is it." He shot a dark look at Longman. "I don't want you working here anymore."
Instead of the expected argument, Blair nodded his head, curtly. "I've already told the faculty. I was just on my way to fix up my office when I - oh man. I dropped that book!" He looked around frantically. "Man! Michelle gave it to me as a present."
"This one?" Rafe handed him the now grass stained cover of 'What to Expect when you're expecting.'
"Yeah, thanks." Blair cuddled it to his chest and headed for his office, Sentinel guard in tow.
They made their way to Blair's office, the stained glass of the wolf adding to mystical atmosphere of the room's interior. "So you here to help out, big guy?"
"You know it. I don't want you to do anything to overexert yourself in this pregnancy, Blair," Jim pulled an oversized tome out of his lover's hands, ignoring the exasperated look and rolling eyes the younger man shot his way. He moved his way around the office, picking up the stacks of books on the floor, gently placing the invaluable volumes of knowledge that were so important to the younger man in the makeshift boxes scattered around the room. He looked up to see his Guide staring around at his surroundings, taking everything in as if seeing it for the first time.
Finaly the anthropologist shook himself out of his introspection. "Oh man, I'm going to miss this. I finally get an office that doesn't smell of mould and I have to leave it," he grumbled as he started lifting books off the shelves.
Jim studied him for a moment. "Any regrets?"
Blair flashed that thousand-watt smile of his toward his lover and Sentinel. "Of course not, lover. Its just...I don't know." He stopped, trying to find the words to convey his feelings. "I love you and I want to give you this, Jim. I want to give you part of me, part of us, but...I don't know, maybe I'm being here selfish here, man. I worked hard to get where I am at Rainier, and this office," he stopped his palms outstretched as if offering up a burnt offering to some unknown tribal god. "I guess I'm going to miss it."
The Sentinel hovered over his mate, hand on the stomach that now held life. Separate hearts now beating in the form of the man that had held only one. That heartbeat, precious above all others, was now mixed with the drumbeats of another, causing an echo effect to his senses. His hands softly played a dance over the abdomen as looked into his Guide's face.
No more words were spoken as he gently lowered his head and claimed his soul mate's mouth. A gentle sparring of tongues, as all feelings were conveyed through the forum of touch.
Sandburg broke the kiss, inviting his lover to take him here in this familiar territory with his eyes, the flush of his skin. Pulling away, tugging on the curtains across his office doors, Blair pushed the tab down to lock out any intruders as he slowly headed back for his mate, hips swinging slightly in an erotic dance.
With a feral grin, Jim swept an arm across the desk. Books and papers, knowledge of the ages fell unnoticed to the floor as he gently took his lover by the hips and sat him on the smooth surface. Smoothing his hands up under the unnecessary clothing separating him from his mate, Jim peeled the layers off, throwing them on the floor, the bookshelves, the groaning computer desk on the far wall. Libido thumping at the sight of the beautiful naked creature smiling at him, the Sentinel pulled his own clothing off and gently took his mate by the shoulders, slowly urging him down on his back on the desk.
Laving one nipple, then the other, Jim felt them harden to rock-hard points under his tongue. Blair mewled weakly underneath him, hands roaming over his partner's back, digging nails in as he dipped his tongue into the dint of Blair's collarbone. Finally, Jim reached down, the smaller man's thighs parting under his questing hand.
With teasing fingers, he fondled the other man's shaft, feeling it swell and harden under his manipulations. Slipping the tips of his fingers across the straining balls, he pumped his lover, harder and harder, feeling the surge of approaching orgasm.
At the last minute, Blair jammed his hand into his mouth, remembering they were in the middle of university offices. Jim leaned down and kissed his lover tenderly, using the semen to coat his own penis before lifting the younger man's hips and sliding in.
Blair gasped a little at the sensation, suddenly feeling extremely full. Too full, he realised, as the pressure from behind and the weight of his child compressed his digestive tract.
"Jim," he whispered breathlessly "Jim, I can't do this.." the sensation was growing, becoming more and more uncomfortable. "Jim! Take it out, please!"
The desperate cries finally penetrated into Jim's consciousness, and he looked down. "Blair?"
"Jim, take it out, you're hurting me!"
Horrified, Ellison withdrew, Blair panting a sigh of relief. "Babe? Are you ok?" Jim asked frantically. Visions of the earlier shove from Longman, combined with the sex, harming his lover burned through his mind. "Are you ok? Talk to me?"
He could see Blair's shoulders shaking, eyes clenched tight, hand curling to a fist against the closed mouth. "Blair?!"
Finally Blair opened his mouth and laughed. "Oh...oh god...Jim...the look on your face..." he laughed harder. "Man...death by sex..." He rolled over on the table, laughing hysterically. The laughter got louder and louder as Jim watched, finally crumpling into tears. "Oh Jim.."
Jim gently gathered his lover to him. "Blair.."
"Jim, man, this sucks. This bites, licks and chews." He sat on the edge of the desk, legs dangling over, head hanging down, the faint ache from his backside reminding him all over again. "How can we do this Jim?" he asked finally. "You can't even make love to me any more. I tried, but Jim, it's too much, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't -"
Jim put a hand over Blair's mouth, effectively silencing him. "It's ok, babe," he whispered, running his hands up and down the smaller man's arms. "We'll work something out." He picked the discarded clothing up from around the office and tenderly dressed his lover. "We'll work something out." Pulling on his own clothes, he took Blair by the arm and lead him out of the office. "What say we get the others to do this? Take some time off?"
Blair nodded sullenly, then suddenly grinned. "Jiiiiiim...."
"Yeah, babe?" Jim asked, non-plussed by the sudden mood change.
The anthropologist grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to his office. "You're not pregnant..."
"Oh MAN!"
Jim jerked awake at the cry, arms reflexively tightening around the space where Blair was.
Wasn't.
"Blair?" he extended his hearing to where his lover was ferreting around the kitchen, banging cupboards. "Babe?" The Sentinel padded downstairs and wrapped himself around his mate. "Mmm. I love the way you smell in the morning.."
Blair broke loose and lunged for the cupboard again. "Where is the peanut butter....Jim, I have to have peanut butter now or someone is going to suffer the consequences! Where the hell did you put that jar anyway??"
"Peanut butter? You want peanut butter now? It's three o'clock in the morning, for goodness sake."
"Jim, it's called a craving, deal with it...oh god...don't tell me you didn't stop off at the grocery. Don't tell me we are out of peanut butter."
"Chief, I stopped by the grocery this evening, don't you remember? Peanut butter wasn't on the list, babe."
Blair cut him off, not wanting to hear any excuses. Softly whimpering, he darted to the living room."All I wanted was peanut butter, and you forgot it...don't you love me anymore?"
Jim gently held his lover from behind, "It's ok, babe, I'll get some tomorrow..."
"TOMORROW?" Blair turned and gave him the Look. "I don't want it tomorrow. I want it NOW." He began pacing the length of the living room, keeping a good distance between himself and his partner. "I want that peanut butter, Jim. I can't live without that peanut butter. I'm telling you RIGHT NOW that I NEED that FRIGGING PEANUT BUTTER!" He made his way back to the kitchen and started rooting through the cupboards again, slamming jars onto the bench. "Look. I have pickles." slam "I have cherries." slam "I have bagels." thump "BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING PEANUT BUTTER!!" Blair sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, surrounded by saucepans and packets of rice, breathing heavily.
Jim looked at the mussed hair, the bare feet and the little rounded tummy poking out of the shirt and felt something in him melt. Barefoot and pregnant, he mused to himself. "Okay, I'll go to the overnight market across the street." He dropped a kiss onto Blair's face, glowing despite the angry flush. "Is there anything else you want while I'm out?"
Blair looked up, smiling shyly. "You'll get some for me? Really?" Jim nodded. "Umm, Yeah, lets see, how about some ice-cream and maybe some jelly, I can mix that up with my peanut butter, tres magnific..." the anthropologist said, in full imitation of a gourmet chef as he swiftly got to his feet and hugged his lover.
Jim felt his stomach turn over. "These mood swings and cravings are gonna be the death of me here, Chief," he grumbled. Disentangling himself from the possessive grip, he made his way out the door.
FOUR MONTHS:
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Blair wandered out of the bathroom in his boxers, steam wafting a soft cloud around him as bare feet padded across the tiles. "Jim? Do you think I need to buy a bra or something?"
Jim spat his beer over the couch. "WHAT?"
"A bra." Blair was looking down at where his hands were cradled at his chest, cupping an imaginary pair of breasts. "I mean, I'm definitely getting bigger, right?" he stood side on, looking over at Jim. "I mean, I am, it's not just me going nuts, right?"
"Well, maybe a little, but Chief, you do not need a bra!"
"Jim, this isn't over yet, and my body WANTS to produce milk here..." Blair spread his hands in a helpless gesture. "What am I supposed to do?"
"Did the doctor say you were going to actually produce milk?" Jim asked, astonished.
"Well, yeah," Blair picked up a cloth and wrapped it speculatively around his chest "I mean, come on, Jim, a lot of males in different species do it. Guinea pigs, ourang-outans...." he dropped the cloth and perched himself on the couch. "Why not me?"
"Chief, I didn't mean it that way, it's just... This is so bizarre, you know?"
"What else am I to expect here?" Blair shivered and darted over to grab his shirt.
"Cold?" Jim asked.
Blair nodded. "A little. Guess that's what I get for parading semi-naked around the lounge."
Jim grinned ferally, but kept his thoughts to himself. "Come here," he put his beer bottle on the coffee table and stretched out his arms pulling Blair into his embrace. He shifted around for a moment, finally reclining against the arm of the couch, his lover cradled between his legs. Dipping his hands down, Jim ghosted sensitive fingers across the slight bulge. With his Sentinel touch he could feel the slight movements of the child growing inside of Blair.
"I wish you could feel this, Chief," he whispered softly. "He's so strong-"
"She, Jim," Blair shifted and looked at him over his shoulder. "It's a girl," he said definitively, patting his stomach tenderly.
"You don't know that, Blair. Not yet, and its a boy." Reaching down, Jim gently took hold of his lover's hand and slid it under the shirt, across the stretched skin. "Can you feel him?"
"Her." Blair laughed and held his stomach. "I think she moved. It tickled. Jim, did you feel it?" he giggled again. "Man, it feels like alka-seltzer bubbles up my spine."
Jim couldn't stifle the chuckle as his and Blair's child moved within the confines of Blair's stomach. Though it couldn't be called a womb. He felt the fluttery movements of his baby boy as he listened to the steady heartbeats in his lap. Stopping his roaming fingers for a minute, he sorted the jumbled thumps, then ran his fingers across again, a smile breaking over his face. Well, well, well...
"Jim? Do you think our little girl will be a Sentinel?"
Jim shrugged, carrying his lover with the movement as his fingers turned slow circles. "I don't know." He bent to nibble at an ear. "Does it matter?"
"In a way it does. I carry the gene for Guide, and you well, you're the Sentinel. I just wondered which the baby would take after. Do you think its possible that the baby could be both? I mean we are the other half of each other what if this baby is the full part of us?"
Jim drew back, thinking it over. "Sentinel AND Guide? Sounds kinda lonely. But you know what I think?"
"What?" Blair wriggled a little in the big man's lap, turning to face him.
"I think you are thinking entirely too much," Jim hefted his lover in his arms and headed for the bedroom. "Let's see what I can do about that."
"Ooh hoo!" Blair hooted as they crossed the lounge "Caveman Ellison don't like his babe to have brains, huh?"
"Nope." Jim started up the steps. "In fact Sandburg, all I want to hear from you from now on is a series of monosyllabic grunts and the occasional impassioned scream."
"Ooh, big words. How long did you save up the syllables for that sentence, big guy?" Blair teased, grinning evilly. "Two can play at this game." He laid his head on Jim's shoulder and began licking along his collarbone.
"Oooh Jesus," Jim whispered as the feather-light touches threatened to send him on overload. Making it up the stairs in record time, he collapsed on his back on the mattress, Blair atop of him.
Blair just sat there for a moment, roaming his hands over Jim's chest, peeling the layers of clothing off, one at a time, extending his arm to drop them on the floor. With a sultry smile, Blair got up on his knees and slowly began undoing the buttons of his shirt. One by one, nimble fingers threading the clear plastic through the buttonhole, then moving to the next. An exclusive strip show, made for and only ever shown to one man.
James Ellison lapped it up.
Blair slid one arm, then the other out of the shirt, twirling it slightly in his fingers before tossing it to land on the lamp. Leaning down, Blair took the zip of Jim's jeans between his teeth and tugged. Jim squirmed helplessly on the bed, hips making small, spasmodic movements as Blair's breath gusted warmly across his crotch. Even through his jeans and boxers he could feel it, swirling around and caressing him as if with a life of its own.
Then Blair took a careful hold of the waist of Jim's jeans and tugged them and the boxers down at once, alternately dragging the soft pads of his fingers and his nails down the sensitive skin. Jim moaned and twisted at the mixed pleasure/pain, giving in to the purely hedonistic feeling, his sense of touch blowing open wider and wider until his whole world consisted of tactile sensations
"Jim? Jim!" He ignored the frantic cries, focusing on that touch which was...
..gone.
Jim opened his eyes and took in a deep gasping breath. His Guide was leaning over him, tears splashing onto his stomach. "Oh man, Jim, don't you EVER do that to me again!" Blair punched him in the chest. "You zoned and I couldn't get you back and..SHIT Jim, If you ever do that again..." he trailed off, sobbing slightly and Jim reached up, encircling his lover in his arms and pulling him down into his chest.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, Chief," Jim whispered, kissing his lover's nose. "Man, I haven't zoned in so long...the things you do to me, babe..."
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean bite your head off. You just scared me so bad. It- it's just, I can't lose you. Not now, or ever." Blair sniffled, suddenly grinning. "And these damn hormones aren't helping, man." They both laughed softly, content to just hold each other.
Spooning up behind his lover, Jim gently drew spirals and whorls on the little rounded tummy, murmuring soft words into Blair's hair. "It's ok, Blair, it's ok, I'm here, it won't happen again, I promise.." Nestling his chin on Blair shoulder, Jim gently stroked his lover and child, singing softly.
"No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears,
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears I'm here,
With you beside you
To guard you and to Guide you."
Blair chuckled a little. "Man, Jim, don't expect me to do the operatic."
Jim kissed his jaw. "Come on, Blair, I thought you knew all this stuff about singing to unborn children."
Blair grinned and cleared his throat, starting softly, then gradually gaining volume, singing in a clear voice.
"Say you love me
Every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you,
Now and always,
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you."
"Anytime, love." Jim whispered, taking his cue.
"Let me be your shelter,
Let me be your light,
You're safe,
No-one will find you
Your fears are far behind you."
Blair turned in his arms, singing to his lover now, each word coming straight from the heart.
"All I want is freedom,
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me,
To hold me and to hide me."
Jim kissed his nose.
"Then say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude.
Say you need me with you
Here, beside you.
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Sandburg, that's all I ask of you."
Blair howled with laughter. Growing serious again, he looked into his mate's eyes and saw the glittering of unshed tears as he sang his part.
"Say you'll share with me
One love one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you."
Jim joined him in the chorus as their fingers intertwined hovering over the slight bulge of Blair's stomach.
"Share each day with me,
Each night, each morning"
Blair looked up from their hands as he softly sang the words.
"Say you love me"
Not singing any more, Jim whispered the next, "You know I do-"
Too caught in the words and not the melody they said the final words of the song together, feeling the love between them, an almost physical presence:
"Love me,
That's all I ask of you"
FIVE MONTHS:
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Jim sighed as Blair pulled another shirt off the rack. "Well?"
"This one makes me look like a giant pineapple" Blair tossed it aside and grabbed another. "Talk about sexist. Do you know how hard it is to find paternity clothes?"
"Yes." Jim sighed. "Well, who ever thought that a man would get pregnant, or a man that would want to, baby?"
Blair looked up at him earnestly. "Me." he said simply. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain, Jim, this really sucks!" he snuffled, on the verge of tears. "My back hurts, my feet hurt, and none of these FIT!" he threw another shirt to the floor and burst into tears.
"Shhhhh, its okay, babe. I'm sorry if I seem so insensitive. I've just never seen you like this before. We'll get through this together."
"I know, Jim. I just - I just don't think I can do this. I don't think I can carry this baby to full term.' Blair turned tear stained eyes up. "I don't know, Jim.. I don't think I can do this..." the last bit was a tiny whisper as he instinctively turned to the comfort of his Sentinel. "I just don't think I can handle it..."
"Oh, baby..." Jim drew his lover into a hug, rocking him slightly. "I've got you honey," he murmured, fingers drawing soothing patterns up Blair's back
Finally Blair drew back and wiped his face. "Look at me, man. I'm flipping over shirts."
"It's ok," Jim soothed. "It's ok, we can do this." He looked around the shop. "Why don't we blow this place and head over to the PD? Everyone's been asking about you."
It was worth it for the smile that lit up his lover's face. "Sure!"
"You know what, babe? I hope our daughter is as beautiful as you," Jim looked seriously at his Guide. "Minus the facial hair that is.." they both burst out laughing...then astonished, Blair turned to his Sentinel.
"Jim, you just said our daughter!"
"Yeah, I guess, I did," Jim said as he wiped away the traces of his lover's tears with a gentle thumb.
"No, man, I'm sure, it's our son and I hope that he's as big and strong and as handsome as you, big guy."
Jim howled with laughter. "Didn't we just spend the last five months arguing this from other sides?!" The laughter trailed off at the look in his lover's eyes.
"I'm serious," Blair whispered, Sentinel soft. "I want him to have your smile," he reached up and ran his fingers over Jim's lips. "And I want him to have your eyes," he trailed them over Jim's eyelids, "and I want him to have your jaw, and your height and -" he broke off and looked down. "Jim, I don't want you to remember me like this."
"Blair?" Something in the smaller man's voice tripped the Sentinel's heart. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
"This..." Blair made eloquent hand movements. "Thing, me I mean, pregnant." He looked up. "Jim, I didn't tell you. I didn't want to tell you, I wanted this so bad, I just wanted..."
"Blair?"
Sandburg took a deep breath and looked up. "When I found out.. The doctor said..."
Jim took his lover by the arms. "What?"
"Nothing."
"The doctor said what? What did he say?"
Blair turned away. "Nothing," he mumbled.
"Dammit, Sandburg," Jim gave his partner a gentle shake. "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"He said.." Blair trailed off and took a deep breath. "He said, that even if I carry to term, there's only a...only a seventy percent chance."
Cold fear gripped the Sentinel's heart. "Seventy percent chance of what?"
Blair closed his eyes. "Me. Living." Ignoring the shocked gasp from his partner, he continued. "Jim, nothing is foolproof, here. A lot of things could wrong with this. I'm the first. I just want you to remember this...us...just in case. You know, if something happens I -"
"NO!" Jim screamed. "No, I won't believe this, Blair, Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Me?"
"Because I wanted this so badly, Jim. I wanted to give you something -"
"No!" Jim jerked away and paced the shop furiously, running a hand over his face, ignoring the looks from the other patrons. "no. No. NO!"
"Jim..."
"No!" Jim turned and grabbed his partner. "WHY? Dammit?! Answer me that? Why the hell didn't you tell me? Do you think I want this? At this price?"
Blair gasped a little as he shook him "J-jim.."
"I NEVER want this. Not without you. DO YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!"
"...hurting me..."
Jim looked down in shock, "Oh my god.." He led Blair down to a seat, holding him tightly. "Oh my god, oh god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he eased Blair into the seat, rubbing his back gently. "Blair? Are you ok?" he asked as the other man gasped. "Talk to me hon, are you ok?" he looked around the shop "Somebody call an AMBULANCE" he bellowed.
"No.." Blair leaned into him, slowly controlling his breathing. "Ok, Just..kinda..freaked me a bit.." he took another breath, "I think I'm all right, Jim"
"No, I'm not going to lose you to something like this, just relax for me Chief, you hear me? We will get through this together, and you listen and you listen good, because I'm going to only say this once. We will come through this together. I'm not going to lose you and we'll raise this baby together. We're gonna watch our daughter grow up and we will become grandparents together - you got that, Sandburg?"
"Oh, I get it," Blair pushed his hair back with a wry half-chuckle. "We're back to Sandburg, huh?"
"You bet your ass, Chief. I have to find some way to get this through your thick skull..."
Blair took a deep breath then eased it out. "Ok. But I'm still not wearing the pineapple shirt."
Jim kissed his nose. "You know I like you better with no clothes, babe"
SIX MONTHS:
"Heya Hairboy!" Brown greeted him as he waddled through the bullpen. "Is it me, or have you put on weight?"
"Ha ha," Blair said, playing along. "Do you really want me to get into your weight?" he looked around the bullpen. "So, how's it been without me around?"
"Quiet," Simon shot from the door. "Well, look at you, Sandburg, I do believe you have that 'glow."
"Yeah," Blair grimaced, trying to lower himself onto one of the hard chairs. "I just wish I could see my feet again."
"Here," Strong hands helped him up, then Simon was sliding his chair out of the office, concern on his face. "You'd better sit on this. Ellison would have my ass if you so much as get a stubbed toe."
Blair lowered himself down on the plush surface with a sigh "Man, my back is killing me here. I gotta start carrying a pillow or something."
Brown bundled up his coat, "Here,"
Blair waved a hand, "Nah, s'ok." He shifted a bit, then leant back, "I gotta get used to it.."
"No you don't," Simon said firmly, yet kindly. "Sandburg, take the damn coat. That IS an order," he said as Blair started to shake his head.
"Ok, ok!" Blair chuckled. "Man, and I talk about JIM being a mother hen...don't say it."
Jim couldn't resist the smile that crossed his face at the sight of the big burly detectives of major crimes clucking around his lover. "Mother hen?" he growled in mock threat.
"Jim!" Blair turned a radiant smile on his lover and reached up his arms. "Kiss."
"Come and get it," Jim teased.
Blair grimaced. "Not funny, man. It took me too long to get my oversized ass in this chair in the first place. Oh," he sat up slightly, eyes wide. "Man!"
"Blair?" Jim was instantly at his side. "What is it, babe?" he took his lover's hand in his, automatically scanning with his senses. "What's wrong?"
Blair smiled. "Nothing. I just - oh man! Wow, can this kid kick!" A grin breaking over his face, he tugged his multicoloured T-shirt up slightly, taking hold of Jim's hand. "Feel that, man. That has got to be your side of the family coming through."
Jim smiled, hand roaming over the softly furred stomach. "Nope. Feels like a Sandburg to me."
"Come on, man, my side are all pacifistic hippies. That's a Dirty Harry, covert ops commando wannabe army kick, if ever I copped one."
Jim looked up. "Simon? Wanna back me up here?"
The burly captain held his hands up. "I don't know if I'm ready for this experience, Jim," he said viewing the furry mound with apprehension.
"Simon," Blair interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Its not like I'm going to you bite you ya know."
"'I'll do it," Brown interjected bravely. With that he prepared his hands for the strange hairy sensation of Blair's pregnant belly.
"Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, Hairboy, doesn't it, H?" Blair said with a predatory gleam in his eyes. The dark detective pulled a face as he touched Blair's stomach, trapped somewhere in the realm of horrified fascination.
Then he felt the turbulent thumping against his palms and his face changed to a look of awe. "Wow, Captain, you gotta feel this, sir," he turned, a goofy grin on his face.
Simon rolled his eyes, and got slowly to his feet to stand beside the young man. "I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, Sandburg." Flesh touched soft silky strands of hair. Pressing forward, he too experienced the same feeling of awe as he felt the tingling sensation beneath his palm. It was...different from the way Joan had felt, yet somehow right. Simon let a grin cross his face as the baby kicked hard against his slight pressure.
"Feels like an Ellison to me," he declared. Blair crowed in triumph.
Rafe entered the bullpen and stopped short at the sight of everyone huddled around the anthropologist. "Sandburg?" he hurried over. "Everything ok?"
Blair grinned and motioned him closer. "Come on, cop a feel," he said, ignoring the groans at his joke.
Rafe gently pressed his hand to the swollen stomach, jerking back a little in surprise at the thumping under his hand. "Wow," he looked up hesitantly. "Can I -?"
"Go ahead."
The dark-haired detective carefully tilted his head, pressing his ear up against Blair's stomach. "Wow," he whispered in awe. "That's incredible. Feels like a little Jim Ellison in there."
Jim grinned like a proud papa and rubbed his partner's shoulders as Blair smugly grinned his satisfaction. "Yep," they said in union. Each turning to look into the other's eyes as they burst into hearty laughter.
"So, how did it go?" Jim asked, escorting his lover down to the parking garage.
Blair sighed and accepted the proffered hand up into the truck. "Pretty good. Ian's upped my hormone shots, I have to have them every six hours now." He shifted gingerly on the seat in anticipation, pulling the seatbelt across.
Jim reached over and adjusted the strap so that the lap belt sat under his partner's paunch. "Why so much? I thought he said twelve at this stage."
Blair grinned and stopped Jim's hand before he could turn the key in the ignition. "Because I'm having twins."
Jim held his partner's hand in both of his, eyes twinkling as a huge grin threatened to split his face. "I know."
"What?" Blair smacked him in the arm. "You knew? You PIG!" he shouted. "Why the hell didn't you tell me??"
Jim shrugged, dropping his eyes. "I wanted it to be a surprise," he said softly.
Blair stared at him, open mouthed, eyes glimmering. "A surprise?" he whispered. "Oh, Jim, that's so sweet," he unbuckled his seatbelt and lunged at his Sentinel. "Oh, Jim!" Blair pulled back to lock gazes with his partner. "Wait a minute, you could TELL that we were having twins here? You could feel it, hear it?"
"Yep, I guess these Sentinel abilities are good for something after all, huh? Two very distinct heartbeats, babe."
"Oh man!" Blair said, practically bouncing with excitement. "Can you tell if they are identical, fraternal?"
"They're fraternal, Chief, trust me." Jim said, pulling his lover back to him.
"I'll always trust you, big guy." Blair leaned contentedly against the strong chest. "Always and forever, you know that don't you?"
"Yeah..." Jim paused, getting his courage up. "I need you to promise me something here, Blair."
What?"
Jim pulled back to look his mate straight in the eyes, "I need you to promise me....Promise me that we'll raise these children together. That you won't leave me alone."
"Jim..." Blair whispered. "I...I can't lie to you here, but I promise that if anything goes wrong that I'll fight to stay with you" He pressed a hand to his lover's cheek, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. " I don't want to leave you alone either. Please believe me, I'll fight, ok?"
"Yeah..." With that Jim reached down gently pressed a feather-light kiss to his Guide forehead. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, Jim."
SEVEN MONTHS:
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Squeak~Squeak
"What do you think, H?" Squeak "Yes or no? I still think it sounds sort of like a dog toy..."
"It's a bit late, Brian. You've already bought the damn thing." Rafe was still absently squishing the rabbit and the noise was getting on his nerves. With a growl, Brown leaned over and grabbed the plush toy, tossing it into his draw.
"Hey!" Rafe snatched his prize back before his partner could slam the draw shut. "It's not for you, smartass, it's for Sandburg."
"Doesn't look like the kid's type." Simon said amusedly, coming out of his office.
"Sir," Rafe held up the toy for inspection, still pressing the squeaker. "What do you think?"
"I think that it had better disappear before Brown eats it." Simon shook his head at the antics of his men. "How's the Donnelly case going?"
Blair waddled gracefully in on the arm of Joel Taggert. "Hey guys," he ignored the frantic slamming of draws and hiding of bags. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," Simon pulled the chair back from Jim's desk. He'd pretty much given up on sitting on it for the next four months. "How did the class go?"
"Same old, same old.." Blair winced as he sat down. Rafe automatically pulled open a draw in his desk and tossed a soft cushion over. "Thanks!" a grin split the anthropologists' face and he tucked it contentedly behind him. "They had us doing the breathing exercises again. Joel here actually makes a pretty good coach," he patted the Captain's arm fondly. "Where's Jim?"
"Called out to do a routine check on the warehouse district." Simon shrugged, perching himself on the edge of the desk. "We had reports of a prowler, nothing major. He should be back soon."
Blair glanced up at the clock on the pillar, then settled himself a little deeper into the chair. "The ultrasound's not scheduled until four pm. I can wait." He pulled a book and his glasses out of his pack.
Simon grinned broadly at the sight of the little anthropologist, hair tied back in a ponytail, sitting there in his loose-fitting smock and sweat pants, glasses perched on his nose, a history of anthropology propped up on his rounded tummy. Blair gingerly stretched out one leg, then the other, propping them up on Jim's chair with a sigh of relief. Simon mentally added a footstool to his shopping list.
Brown slowly got up and stretched, "Hey listen, Rafe, I think I'm going to head over to Wonderburger for lunch, you want me to bring anything back for you?"
"Just bring me back whatever's on special over there, huh? I'm kinda short on cash." He turned his head away from Sandburg and mouthed the words, 'Baby Shower.'
Brown nodded knowingly. "No prob. Anything for you over there, lil' mama?"
Blair looked up from his book and rolled his eyes, "No thanks, I brought my own lunch, man. Thanks anyway, H."
"Okay, then guys, I'm audi."
Blair put his book away, searching, "You know, Rafe, Brown just reminded me of something."
"Oh, what's that?"
"I'm FAMISHED!" Blair groaned as fished through his pack. "Now, where did I put my spoon?"
Rafe eyeballed him for some minutes as the anthropologist dug frantically for his MIA utensil. Laughing when Blair came up for air, grinning from ear to ear, victoriously holding his spoon in the air. Nope, Sandburg never did anything half way. The detective turned his attention back to his files on his desk, spreading them, open for Simon to read. "We think that..." Rafe trailed off as an overwhelming odour permeated the bullpen. "What the-" he looked over to where Blair was happily digging into a small tin with his spoon.
Simon sniffed the air as he caught the scent and followed his gaze. "Sandburg, what the hell are you eating?"
Blair looked up innocently. "Tuna," he swallowed the mouthful and proffered the tin. "Sorry, does anyone else want some?"
Before anyone could answer, Brown hurried back in the room. "Sir, there's been a call in from Martine avenue. Officer down."
Blair sat up, spilling his tuna and spoon onto the floor. "Martine avenue??" He struggled to get to his feet. "Simon, that's down the warehouse district! That's where Jim is!"
"Easy, Sandburg," Simon tried to hold the anthropologist in the chair. "You don't know that. It might not be Jim."
"FUCK THAT, Simon." Blair shouted, pushing the Captain's hands away, breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps. "I used to LIVE near there. It's right in the middle. Who else did you send down there??"
Simon finally gave in, letting the smaller man sit up, gently rubbing his back. "Easy Blair, take it easy, I want you to breathe for me ok?" He looked up. "Joel. Stay here with Sandburg. I'm going down to the hospital to find out what the hell is going on." He grabbed his coat and shrugged into it. "If it is Ellison, I'm gonna wring his neck," he muttered under his breath.
"NO!" Blair grabbed hold of Joel's shoulder and used it as a prop as he pushed himself up. "Simon, I'm coming with you."
Banks shook his head. "No way, Sandburg. You stay here."
"DAMMIT BANKS, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU EITHER GIVE ME A LIFT OR I'LL WALK DOWN THERE MYSELF!" Blair screamed at him.
Dead silence reigned in the bullpen. Simon looked at the softly panting man in front of him, to the frantic form of Taggart supporting him and his face softened. "Ok. Joel, you're with us. Rafe, Brown: I want you to keep working on that case," he looked at the spatters of tuna on the floor. "And clean this mess up."
Siren blaring, Simon sped off in the direction of the hospital. Frantically trying to get through to the kid's head before he passed out from worry. Blair was a nervous bundle of energy, twisting frantically, banging a voodoo on the back of Simon's seat. "Hurryhurryhurryhurry" he urged as Joel tried to hold him still in the back seat.
"Calm down Sandburg, he'll be fine."
"Please...please let him be okay. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod..." Blair rasped, his breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps, the words becoming a mantra as he fought to keep air going to his lungs.
"Dammit Sandburg, don't you dare think about hyperventilating on me, ya hear? You keep your head." Simon shouted over the siren
"Simon, what if he's dead?" Blair shook his head frantically. " Simon, I can't do this alone! Nonononononono-"
"I'm sure he's fine, Blair." Taggart soothed, rubbing the smaller man's shoulders. "Stay with us..."
Blair said nothing as his eyes fixed on the rapidly blurring scenery. His one thought was to get to Jim. His stomach twinged from the level of strain and anxiety going through him in waves. Please God, don't take him away, please don't let him leave.
The car slowed in front of the emergency doors and Blair jumped out of the still moving car before Taggart could stop him, running as fast as his body would allow in his condition, the other two close behind.
Blair tore through the halls to emergency, feet moving faster and faster. Extending his hands, he rammed the swinging doors and tripped. Joel gently grabbed him from behind and pulled him to his chest, controlling the fall so that the smaller man landed on him instead of the floor.
"SANDBURG!" Simon was at his side a second later, taking one of Blair's hands in his. "Dammit, talk to me, don't you check out on me now, kid," he growled, pulling off his coat and draping it over the trembling man as Taggart cradled him from behind. "I want you to breathe for me, ok?" he called up memories of his ex-wife's pregnancy. "In and out, that's it." Blair gripped his hand, panting, whether from the mad dash through the hospital or something else, the Captain couldn't tell. "I need a doctor here, NOW!" Simon yelled, turning his attention back to the anthropologist and keeping his voice low, soothing. "It's ok, Blair, it's ok, just keep breathing for me, C'mon, in and out."
A nurse dropped beside them. "What's wrong?" she asked calmly, hands going to check Blair's pulse and temperature.
"He's pregnant."
The nurse blinked.
Simon quickly and tersely explained the situation while Taggart held onto Blair, encouraging his breathing.
The nurse nodded once and got to her feet. "Roy!" she yelled above the din, directing her voice to the admissions desk. "We need Richardson in OB paged down here, NOW! Free cubicle?"
"14" Roy looked up from the phone. "Richardson's on his way."
"Where the hell are those orderlies?" The nurse put a hand on Simon's shoulder. "Keep him calm, keep up with the breathing exercises." She leaned over and brushed a stray curl away from Blair's face. "You're doing good, honey, you're doing fine," she encouraged. "I'm gonna go see if I can rustle up a gurney." She disappeared into the crowd, slipping easily through the ordered chaos.
Blair suddenly sat up straight against Taggart, panting. "Jim," he whispered.
"I'll find out about Jim," Simon promised. "Just keep breathing, ok?"
But the smaller man was shaking his head. "Jim," he repeated, raising a shaking hand to point.
Simon looked down the hall. There, like some sort of ancient hero, or avenging angel, the Sentinel was charging down the hall. "BLAIR!" He fell to his knees beside his lover, reaching out to grasp the smaller hands held out to him. "It's ok, hon," he soothed, voice taut with controlled worry.
"Blood," Blair whispered, running a hand over Jim's sodden shirt. "Jim, oh god, Jim," he reached out desperately, running both his hands over his lover's chest, frantically searching for injuries.
"It's ok, babe," Jim soothed, capturing both of Blair's hands in his. "It's ok, babe, it wasn't me, it's not mine, it wasn't me." The orderlies finally appeared with the gurney and gently lifted Blair onto it. Jim followed every step of the way, holding a hand to his lover's chest, tightly gripping Blair's hand in his. "It's ok, babe," he whispered like a broken record. "It's ok, I'm here, I'm here."
"I'm sorry, sir," the nurse put a hand on Jim's chest as they reached a cubicle. "You need to fill out -"
Jim growled at her.
The nurse took a step back in shock. The man had actually bared his teeth and growled at her. Her hand fell back and Jim pushed through the curtains, anxious to be at his mate's side.
Simon ushered the nurse away. "I'll fill out the admission forms," he offered, jerking his head for Taggart to stand guard in case Hurricane Ellison blew up again.
"Jim," Blair whispered in between gasps for breath, "Jim, oh Jim, be ok, please be ok, I promise I won't whine any more, I promise Jim, please be ok, Jim, oh please..."
His heart breaking, Jim quickly crossed to his Guide's side, holding one cold hand between both of his. "I'm here, Blair, I'm right here," he soothed, focusing on the rapid, fluttery beat of Blair's heart. Panic attack, he thought grimly. If Blair kept this up, he was going to panic himself right into a miscarriage.
Cerulean blue eyes twisted over to lock onto him, "Oh god, Jim," Blair's breathing became faster, harsher.
Frantically Jim unhooked an oxygen mask from the wall and put it over Blair's face, turning the valve on the canister. "Breathe, babe," he begged, raining desperate, tender little kisses on his lover's face. "Nice and slow, come on, in and out," he slipped a hand under the soft curls, lifting his partner's neck to straighten his airway. "I'm here, I'm ok, just BREATHE, DAMMIT!"
But Blair was trapped in a carthasis of terror, eyes locked on Jim's shirt. "Oh god," he moaned, voice muffled by the mask, fingers making small spasmodic twitching movements. "Jim, you're hurt, there's blood, oh god, Jim, so much blood, you're hurt, you're hurt..."
Jim looked down at his blood-stained shirt in horror. Pulling back, he frantically ripped at the buttons, tearing the material and tossing the remains in the corner. "I'm ok, Blair," he took one of his Guide's hands in his and ran it over his chest. "See babe? I'm ok, I'm not hurt, I'm fine, it wasn't me, it was Michaels, but he's ok, they say he's gonna be ok," he babbled as Blair strained air through the mask.
Richardson entered the room at a dead run, shoving the curtain aside. He nodded approvingly at the mask Jim was holding in place, then reached for a blood pressure cuff. Pumping the bulb in his hand, he blanched at the results. "Blair?" he said softly, putting a hand on Sandburg's shoulder. "I need you to calm down. Let the oxygen mask help you out, take deep breaths," he muttered something to a nurse and she nodded, darting out of the cubicle.
Blair dragged in a great gasping wheeze of air. "Jim," he hitched.
"He's right here," Richardson soothed. Motioning for Jim to give him a hand, he slowly raised the head of the gurney so that Blair was sitting reclined. Taking a stool by the side of the bed, he took one of Blair's hands in his, massaging it slowly, fingers seeking out soothing pressure points. "It's ok, Blair," he murmured. "Jim's here, he's ok, you're ok," he trailed bigger and smaller circles, taking Blair down another layer into a light trance.
The nurse returned bearing a cup on a tray. Richardson took the cup and put it on a bench, gently pulling the oxygen mask away from Blair's face. Jim winced at the whistle in his partner's lungs as he sucked in air.
Richardson pushed the cup into Blair's hand. "Here, drink this," he ordered, stripping away the blood pressure cuff.
"What is it?" Jim demanded, taking the cup away before Blair could drink and warily sniffing the contents.
"Herbal tea," the doctor explained. "I can't risk a sedative, not at this stage. " He patted Blair's knee reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's safe."
Standing, Jim lowered the safety rail on the gurney and gently pulled his lover towards him, settling him in an upright position against his chest. "Chief? I want you to drink this for me." Blair reached up for the cup with shaking hands, and Jim gently brushed them aside. "I'll do it," he scolded gently. "You're not scalding my babies, Sandburg, you hear me?"
Blair chuckled weakly and sipped at the hot tea, teeth chattering slightly against the rim. The cup empty and Blair's heartrate and breathing returning to normal, Jim eased him back onto the gurney, hand gently massaging his scalp, pushing his fingers through the long hair.
Richardson lowered the head of the bed so that Blair was lying flat again. Carefully tugging the anthropologist's smock up to expose his stomach, he felt around the mound, pressing gently in a few places. "Does that hurt?"
Blair shook his head. "No."
"How about there?"
Blair drew in a quick breath. "A little," he admitted, holding tightly onto Jim's hand. "Are they ok?" he asked frantically.
Richardson smiled reassuringly. "Everything feels fine, Blair. I'd only start to worry if it didn't hurt." Tugging the stethoscope from around his neck, the doctor blew on the end briefly, for show, then put in the earpieces and pressed it to his patient's stomach.
Blair gasped a little as the cold metal touched his skin. He held his breath, teeth worrying at his bottom lip as Ian moved the stethoscope around. Jim reached up and gently nudged the side of his head. "Breathe, Sandburg," he reminded teasingly, hiding the fact that his own stomach was churning itself into knots.
"Please be ok," Blair whispered under his breath, Sentinel soft. "Please be ok, please," Jim tightened his grip on his Guide's and added his own voice to the little mantra. "Please be ok..."
Finally Richardson looked up. "It sounds fine," he reassured the other two. Jim let out a sigh of relief, slumping back into a chair. "Thank god," he kissed the back of Blair's hand, grinning like a maniac.
"Now, Blair, how about that ultrasound?" The doctor asked cheerfully.
Blair blinked confusedly up at him. "What?"
"The ultrasound." Richardson grinned and pointed up at the clock set into the wall. "It's almost time for your appointment, and seeing as you're already in the hospital..."
A tired smile crinkled the edges of Blair' mouth. " Ok."
"Oh god, Jim, do you see them? They're so beautiful," Blair whispered teary-eyed as he gazed up at the monitor. Jim nodded silently, clasping his partner's hand, fingers gently massaging the back.
"Oh well, gentlemen it looks like fraternal twins here."
Jim and Blair chuckled and in unison said, "We know."
The confused doctor shook his head. "Do you want to know the gender of your children?"
Blair eyed his mate asking the unspoken question. Jim answered by kissing his mouth gently. "Yeah, I think we can handle that."
"One of each, a little boy and a little girl it appears. Do you see on the screen?" he shifted the scanner, gliding it over the gel slicking Blair's stomach.
The grainy images were slightly blurred, but they could definitely make out the profile of a boy and the other, slightly smaller girl sucking her thumb.
"Well, Jim our son's going to be a stud, I can tell. Well hung I might, add," Blair said impishly.
Ellison laughed and viewed his daughter with pride. "And our daughter is going to have the most beautiful blue eyes and curly hair. I see her having chocolate brown hair with little light brown highlights running through it. She's going to be a knockout, breaking all of the boys hearts."
Blair held on to his lover's hand, squeezing slightly as he asked the Richardson the next question. "Are they okay?"
"Everything is going smoothly, Blair," he reassured. "They're just fine. Of course, they're smaller than normal, not only because they are twins, but also because there isn't as much room to work with in there, like a woman's womb. But other than size, they appear very healthy. Be proud, you two are doing wonderfully."
"Blair's the one who's done all the work, he deserves all of the credit."
Blair blinked back the tears. He hated these damn hormones. He never stopped crying it seemed. He looked into his Sentinel's eyes and shook his head, "No," he whispered. "Joint effort all of the way, man."
Jim reached over and covered Blair's mouth with his own. One hand stroked his lover's hair, the other wiping away the uncontrollable tears, as he listened to the different hearts that beat inside his love's body. Blair's and the twins'. Three separate and distinct heart beats forever imprinted on his very soul.
EIGHT MONTHS:
nbsp;
Jim drew fifteen cc's of the amber liquid into the syringe, tapping out the bubbles and returning the vial to the fridge. His partner was sprawled on his back on the couch, legs propped up on the arm, hands folded across his stomach. Jim hesitated, watching the peaceful breathing. He hated to wake him, but...
"Blair?" he gently shook the nearest shoulder. "Babe? Come on, I need you to wake up, honey." Blair looked up at him with sleepy eyes, and the Sentinel felt a wave of tenderness wash over him at the naked vulnerability reflected in those blue depths.
Blair focused on the syringe in Jim's hand and groaned. "Oh, no Jim..."
"Come on babe, we have to do this," he gently helped his lover shift onto his side.
"I hate these hormones. They always make me moody." Blair winced as Jim administered the shot.
"How do you feel?" Jim broke the needle off in the bottle and put the syringe on the coffee table as Blair flopped onto his back.
"Sore," came the soft reply. "My feet hurt, my butt hurts and my spine feels like it's gonna snap in two." Blair flung an arm over his eyes. "Kill me?" he asked hopefully.
Jim sat behind him on the couch and carefully scooped his lover into his arms. Propping the anthropologist against his chest, he gently kneaded the base of Blair's spine. "How's that feel?"
"Hmmm...better..." Blair sighed and leaned into the embrace. "I'm sorry, Jim," he whispered. "I'm sorry I'm so bitchy and grumpy -"
'S'ok. I'm getting used to it. You have to realise, babe. Even in your worst moments, you're never as bad as what I had to put up with before." When Blair turned his confused eyes toward his lover he explained. "Remember Carolyn? You should have seen her when she got PMS. Ten times worse." He shuddered dramatically at the memory.
Hearing his morose partner laugh was music to the Sentinel's ears. Gently massaging his life partner's back he continued, "You're doing just fine. Hey how about a bath?"
"You'd do that?"
"Anything make you feel better, babe. Just let me get the water ready."
Jim dabbled his fingers in the water, testing the temperature before turning to his lover. He untied the grad student's sneakers, pulling them and the socks off before helping Blair struggle off the toilet seat. The anthropologist winced slightly as he rocked to his feet. "Ow, man, this sucks Jim. Lop me off at the waist, would you?" he shrugged his shirt off, letting it puddle on the floor. With a chuckle, Jim gently tugged off Blair's sweats, letting the smaller man use him as a prop.
"God, you're beautiful," Jim whispered, taking in the sight.
Blair stared at himself for a moment in the mirror. "I look like a frog," he said morosely. "You know in biology class? Ever held one up by its head and looked at the way its pot hangs over those spindly little legs? That's me, man," he turned away from the mirror in disgust. "Paint me green and throw me in the pond for princesses to kiss."
Jim trailed his fingers along his partner's jaw. "How about a prince?" he asked softly, kissing the full lips.
Blair leaned into him, grateful for the support. "Jim, man, I don't know how you do this," he groaned as Jim kissed his neck. "I'm fat and I'm huge and my ass is the size of Arkansas, and, man, I haven't seen my dick in three months..."
Jim slowly knelt in front of him, pressing tiny, worshipful kisses on his lover's abdomen. "Don't worry, babe, it's still there." He kissed the rounded ball in front of him again, taking in every detail, swirling his tongue briefly around the extended bellybutton.
Blair moaned and reached out to run his fingers through Jim's close-cropped hair. "Oooohh maaaaaan. Jim, babe, don't stop, whatever you're doing it feels fantastic" he arched softly as Jim blew a stream of warm air across his stomach, stirring the dark hairs ever so lightly.
Jim quickly shucked off his clothes and stood in the bathtub, warm water swirling around his calves. "Blair," he held onto his lover, murmuring soft encouragements as the smaller man clambered awkwardly into the tub. Jim gently shifted them both, Blair clinging to him as they lowered into the foam. The Sentinel stretched his legs out until his feet brushed the other end of the tub, then manoeuvred his lover into his lap, taking the weight as Blair leaned back into his support.
Blair let out a purely appreciative moan as he sank into the tub, liquid warmth soothing up his back. "Oh, yeah...." He leaned against Jim's chest and closed his eyes. "I could get used to this.."
Jim kissed the top of his head and dipped a washcloth into the water, gently smoothing it over his lover's chest. The nipple ring was a dim memory, the soft nubs covered by a layer of colostrum as his body tried to prepare for breastfeeding. Jim paid special attention to one dark mound, then the other, feeling them harden under his ministrations.
Blair seemed unaware of the fact, hands absently patting Jim's thighs as the hot water soothed away the little aches and pains he'd never really been aware of. "I like this," he said, shifting a little, bubbles lapping the sides of the tub. "I'm telling you man, I'm not getting out for the rest of this pregnancy. One of those pool births." He chuckled, then grew reflective. "Jim? What about names?"
"Names?" Jim was getting to intimately know the nearest earlobe. "Names for what?"
Blair slapped his knee. "The kids?"
"Mmm, " Jim ran his fingers over his babies, "How about Curly and Moe?" he smiled as Blair's laughter splooshed the water in the tub.
"Julian." Blair tapped at a bubble as it floated past him, circling his stomach like an iceberg. It popped, tiny scatters of liquid splashing. "I always liked the name Julian, for a boy."
"Julian is a girl's name, Chief," Jim said patiently.
Blair rolled his eyes. "And 'Blair' isn't a girl's name? Come on, Jim. I agreed with Trisha for you."
Jim eyed his partner suspiciously. "I thought you LIKED the name 'Trisha.' Besides that's that my mom's mom's name. Except of course hers was Patricia. I think the name is lovely." Squaring his shoulders, he came to a decision. "You go with Trisha and I'll go with Julian, if-" holding up his finger for emphasis - "You can name one guy you know named, 'Julian'."
When Blair flashed his thousand-watt smile, Jim knew he'd been had. "Agreed. Trisha it is. And have you ever heard of the MALE actor, Julian Sands?"
Jim groaned. He should have known that it was too easy. Then he accepted defeat with a shrug, running the washcloth over Blair's shoulders. "Julian Moe Sandburg-Ellison and Trish Curly Jo Sandburg-Ellison?" he suggested hopefully.
Blair chuckled for a moment. "We'll work on it, Jim." He idly shaped the bubbles in a pile over his stomach and snuggled down further against the strong chest at his back. "Love you, Sentinel man," he sighed.
Jim tightened his hug slightly, dropping a kiss on the curls under his chin. "Love you too, Chief," he pressed his cheek to the soft hair as Blair dozed, whispering softly. "Love you so much."
NINE MONTHS:
Blair pressed the back of his hand to his mouth. "Urgh. Man, I knew I shouldn't have eaten that pizza. Talk about history repeating."
"Could be the ice cream," Jim chipped in, rubbing his partner's toes where they sat in his lap. "Or the Chinese..."
"Yum, yum, Dim Sum," Blair sang, an unholy gleam lighting his eyes. He rubbed his stomach, then held a hand against the cushion and the other against the back of the couch prepatory to standing. "Sleep?"
Jim eased his lover to his feet, then wrapped an arm around his waist and took Blair's hand with the other, as if leading him into an old-fashioned dance. He carefully supported his partner as he slowly waddled across the lounge, kaftan brushing against the back of his thighs. Pushing open the door to Blair's old office, now shared downstairs bedroom for the duration, Jim helped his lover inside.
The anthropologist flopped backwards on the bed with a groan, staring up at the ceiling. Sitting on the end of the bed, Jim pulled his feet into his lap and started a slow massage. Blair sighed in contentment, and pulled himself up on his forearms, staring at Jim over the bulge of his stomach.
Blair grinned openly at his lover, who was glancing up, fascinated as his stomach twitched with the slight movements of the two lives moving around inside. Jim lifted his eyes, watching his mate watching him. Slowly Blair lifted an arm to him, gliding his fingers along his tightly corded muscles of his shoulders.
Only Blair had the power to pull his muscular body to him with only a feather-like touch. Jim slowly lowered himself beside his younger partner and took him in his arms as they dozed off in peaceful slumber.
"Mrmph." The soft growl jerked Jim out of his slumber, senses snapping online.
"Blair? You ok?" he looked over to where his partner was sprawled on his back, curls fanning over the pillow. Shifting closer, Jim ran a hand over his stomach. "Is it the babies?"
"Hot, hot, hot. Too frigging hot," Blair mumbled, tugging uselessly in the neck of his kaftan, one hand reaching for a glass of water by the bed. He strained for a few minutes, then thumped his head back into the pillow with a grunt of disgust, turning to face his lover, eyes beseeching.
With a chuckle, Jim reached over and picked up the glass, passing it to his partner. Blair sipped at it, then ended up tipping the entire thing over his head. He gave a sigh of relief as the water trickled cooling trails through his hair and down his neck, settling deeper into the now-wet pillow.
Rolling his eyes, Jim shifted onto his side and went back to sleep.
"Hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot." The repetitive mantra woke him up again two hours later. "Babe?" he asked, a bit impatiently. This was getting really old.
Blair moaned and muttered, feet sending blankets and sheets flying. "Jim, I can't sleep here. It's too hot," he said miserably.
Jim got up, heading for the stairs. Blair panicked. "Where are you going? I'll be all right. I won't make any more noise. Jim-?"
He smiled to himself, moved that even as uncomfortable as his mate was, Blair still wanted him to stay. "Don't worry about it, Chief. I'll be back in a sec." Jim returned, surprising Sandburg with the sight of his old futon in his arms. "Let's see what we can do about your hot flashes there, babe."
After retrieving everything from Blair's old room, Jim spread the small bed out on the lounge floor in front of the windows. "Here," he eased his companion down onto the soft surface, propping his legs up and sliding a pillow behind his back. "Better?"
Blair gazed up at him, utterly miserable. "No."
Frustrated, Jim threw up his hands. "What? What do you want?? You can't climb the stairs, I move everything down to your old room. We move into your old room, it's too hot. You're too hot, I bring you out here. I bring you out here, you're too uncomfortable. You wanna clue me in here, Sandburg? 'Cos I don't even know what the hell you want any more!" He cut his tirade off, shame washing through him at the naked vulnerability in the blue eyes below him. Blair didn't need this. Not from him, not now, not ever. Ashamed, Jim remembered the lecture Richardson had given him after the scare at the hospital.
"This isn't going to be easy. You're going to get annoyed. You're going to get frustrated. He'll be asking for something, and he doesn't even know what it is. However hard it is on you, it's at least twice as hard on him. The male body isn't designed to cope with what he's going through, and Blair is going to be scared. You need to be there for him. Look after him, pamper him, hell, even get down on your hands and knees and wash his feet. Whatever it takes. But you keep your head. You have to keep your head. You have to be the strong one when his back hurts, or he's sick from the injections, when he feels like none of this is worth it and he can't do it any more. Because if you don't Detective Ellison, you will lose him."
Eager to make up for his outburst, Jim knelt by his lover's side. "I'm sorry, hon," he traced a hand over a cheek. "You want some water? From the fridge? Might make you feel better."
Blair nodded mutely, eyes glimmering with unshed tears.
"Ok, be right back." Jim hurried into the kitchen and grabbed a glass. Keeping his senses trained on his partner, he poured some water from a bottle and shook some ice-blocks into it. " Here," he trotted back to the futon and helped Blair sit up and sip at the water. "Better?"
After a long silence, Blair shook his head in a tiny, almost unnoticeable motion, shrinking into himself, as if afraid of another outburst.
"Still too hot?" Jim helped his lover pull off the kaftan, tossing the material over his shoulder as he eased his Guide back down. Sandburg lay there for a moment quietly, closing his eyes and taking in deep breaths, trying to meditate. Brushing a hand over the flushed forehead, Jim cupped a little of the water in his hand, letting it trickle down onto Blair's stomach. His partner gasped a little at the unexpected sensation, eyes flying open. Jim ran his water-slicked fingers up and down the rounded ball, trailing them up to the tip of his partner's collarbone and back down.
Blair pushed his wandering hands away. "Jim, why do you put up with me?" The softly spoken words tore through Ellison's heart. "I make you do all this stuff, I can't help you any more at work, I -" Blair trailed off and turned his head, biting his lip, determined his lover wouldn't see his weakness. "I don't blame you if you hate me."
Jim's heart broke at the silent tears tracking down his partner's face to splash on the sheet. 'I'm sorry, Babe," he put the glass to one side and stretched out next to his lover, stroking away the tears. "It's a wonder YOU don't hate ME. You go through all this, and..." Jim looked into his lover's eyes, seeing the pain he caused. He quickly pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry." He kept hearing the doctor's words. You will lose him. You will lose him They echoed painfully in his mind. That was a reality he wasn't willing to face.
"Forgive me?" Blair held on tightly, crying into his partner's shoulder.
"Oh, babe.." Jim held the smaller man until he was cried out, rocking him gently as he fell into an exhausted slumber against his Sentinel's shoulder.
Jim leaned back on the futon, drawing his lover closer, gently stroking his stomach. Blair's head fell listlessly from his shoulder and Jim cradled it in his hands, laying the precious burden down on the old futon. "I love you," he whispered softly. Blair sighed in his sleep as Jim gently spooned against his Guide, careful not to disturb him. His hand strayed to an unruly curl, finger twisting around its silkiness. "Thank you, Chief. Thank you for being mine," he sighed, letting sleep claim him as well. His Guide was safe. And the Sentinel would be sure he stayed that way.
Jim slowly floated awake, drifting on the periphery of consciousness. He felt a reassuring, comforting weight on his shoulder and smiled. Orange and gold flickered on the edge of his vision, and he looked out to the balcony doors to see the sun setting the whole world in a golden glow.
He smiled down at his lover, curling his fingers around the strands of hair, turned auburn by the rising sun. His hands strayed farther down to cup his children, but instead of the expected rounded skin, he felt a warm sticky fluid engulf his hand. Looking down, he found only a hollow jagged tunnel. The stomach that had held their future was a bloody mass of dripping tissue.
Jim stared at the wound in shocked horror, mouthing the word, "No" His hand came up of his own volition, coming to rest on the still chest. Shaking, he pushed himself off the bed. He had to SEE, he had to know...
Kneeling beside the lifeless form of his lover he heard a low growl warning him of an animal presence. Bone splintered, flesh gave way as a Wolf pup bit through Blair's rib cage, snarling its hate, baring bloodied fangs.
Stunned, Jim backed on hands and knees away from the demon child. "No..." this wasn't happening. This can't be happening...The animal howled its rage, turning glowing golden eyes to its father. Jim had crawled out of the lounge, backing mindlessly into the lower room, eyes never leaving the horrid scene in front him.
Scratch...Scratch
Jim turned towards the noise. Noticing, for the first time, an equally bloodied feline shape was clawing its way to him. The animal hissed and spat at him, ears flat against the deformed skull. Jim shook his head in denial as the grisly sight edged closer, hands scrabbling against the smooth polished floor, desperate to get away.
The body on the bed jerked with the motion of the ghastly canine clawed its way out of Blair's body, the limp head rolling over to face him, the fetid, rotting features of the Wolf meeting him instead of the treasured face. The Sentinel watched in horror as the curdled yellow eyeballs peeled open, cloudy depths gazing sightlessly at him, feeling madness scrabble at the edges of his brain as the decomposing jaw opened and spoke around the maggots crawling industriously through the blackened snout.
"Why didn't you save me?"
Jim screamed.
"NO!" Jim snatched in a desperate breath, eyes snapping open.
Blair was sprawled cross-length across the futon, head pillowed on Jim's stomach, snoring sightly as the sun caught the edges of his hair. Desperate to feel as well as hear his partner's heart, he pressed the palm of his hand to the rising and falling chest. Blair stirred, then blinked up at him. "Jim?"
"S'okay, Chief, go back to sleep," Jim rasped, trying to catch his breath. It was only a dream. Get a grip, Ellison. Jim didn't realise he had closed eyes his eyes until Blair touched his face, cupping his jaw.
"Jim? What is it?" Concerned baby blue orbs met his questioningly. "Bad dream? Tell me?"
Jim looked into those eyes, and suddenly saw rotting flesh. "NO!" With a despairing scream he wrenched his lover into a crushing embrace. Blair held on dazedly, ignoring his own confusion and focusing on the fact that his lover needed him. Rubbing circular motions across the strong back, he murmured mindless reassurances and soothing noises into Jim's ear.
The Sentinel stifled the sobs as he clung to his partner. "Don't leave me, Chief. Remember your promise." The tears broke through and Jim sobbed, clutching the ringlets possessively. The dream was just too real. Too bad to ignore.
Blair continued to soothe his lover with hands, rubbing and patting the muscular back. "It's ok, Jim. I remember. It'll be ok. You'll see. Shhhh. I've got you. Let it out, baby." he soothed. He could feel the sobs wracking his lover as he held him. "Hey, Jim? How about I go to the station with you today? Work's been slow hasn't it? I won't be in the way, will I?"
Pulling back to meet the clear blue gaze, Jim felt a wave of gratitude wash over him. He would keep Blair at his side. Protect him. Make sure the horrific vision never came to pass.
Just then his senses felt the multiple heartbeats emanating from his mate.
...The demon children, the horrid canine that had eaten his Guide from the inside out. The deformed and bloodied striped cub, almost slithering toward him...
He gulped. This wasn't reality. Their love was not evil, nor was the product of their love. But still the images wouldn't leave his mind. There was another time.
The Wolf.
Lifting the bow, he aimed and fired. The Wolf yelped and whimpered. And... died It couldn't be happening again. It was a dream, just a dream. No meaning. It was a vision, it held no substance.
"Jim?" Blair asked watching his lover as best he could. They couldn't afford a zone out. Not this close to delivery.
"I'm okay. Don't worry about it." He put on a false face. The smile stretched his muscles unnaturally, feeling too much like a frozen death mask. "Chief, if you're coming with me this morning, we better get started, huh?" Gently he helped his Guide to his feet. Every thing was going to be okay. He wouldn't allow anything else.
"Jim? You sure you're ok? You've been kind of quiet..."
The Sentinel clenched his jaw for the thousandth time that morning. Blair had been trying to get him to talk from the time he'd helped his Guide get dressed, to the ride to the station. Their time alone in the elevator....Didn't he understand?! HE. DID. NOT. WANT. TO TALK ABOUT IT. He had tried to be patient. Now he was just pissed. Angry he turned to his babbling mate. "Look, Sandburg. I don't want to talk about it here. Just drop it. Leave it alone and STOP analysing this SHIT!' he snapped.
Blair visibly shrunk, his eyes betraying him. "Fine, man, I'm going to the bathroom. If you need me, you'll know where to find me." With that he left, leaving behind a rapidly paling partner.
Those words. They were echoes of their past. A past Jim did not want to remember. He quickly leapt to his feet. History would not be repeated. He ran after his slowly retreating Guide, stopping him. Pain-filled eyes turned to him. He had caused this pain. Just like last time. As gently as he could, Jim embraced his Guide, like they hadn't done...before.
"I'm sorry, Chief. I-I don't know what came over me. Its just- that dream this morning scared the shit out of me. I don't want to relive it. Ever. Please try to understand. Can you do that?"
Blair gained some composure as he looked deep into his Sentinel's eyes, seeing the truth. He smiled and brushed the tips of his fingers against Jim's cheek "Its okay, lover. I'm not mad...but...if you don't let me go you're going to be doing laps, babe." Jim laughed at the twinkling eyes. It was the first time this morning, and it felt good. With a kiss to the forehead, he let his partner go.
Simon, watching the tender exchange, smiled. He had been standing sentry, quietly watching from across the room. He blushed as Jim noticed his scrutiny, dark thoughts washed away at the renewed bond between his friends. Watching the retreating figure of Sandburg, he called Ellison to his office.
Blair pushed the door open and waddled out of the stall. Looking at himself in the mirror, he snickered. "Man, you look like shit," he told his visage solemnly. "Pregnant shit at that." No wonder Jim wouldn't let him out of his sight. Turning on the taps, he began washing his hands.
"How long now?" Simon offered Jim a cup of Kenyan.
Jim took the proffered cup with a nod of thanks. "Technically he's not due until next Friday, but Ian said it could be any time, now." He sipped at the cup. "I'm kinda glad this is nearly over Simon. I mean, this has been really hard on Blair. He's had to give up his job for the duration, the news crews are all over him, and that's not even including the mood swings or the back pains.." he shook his head. "I'm telling you Simon, this is it. No matter how much he wants, I won't put him through it again. Two kids and nine months of hell is enough for him to go through." A wicked grin crossed his face. "The sex has been fantastic, though."
Simon pulled a face. "More than I needed to know, Ellison." He shook his head in disbelief. "Twins. Sandburg never does anything by halves."
"Wouldn't have it any other way, sir."
Blair reached for the paper towels and winced as his stomach twinged. A sharp wave of agony curled through his midriff and plummeted into the base of his stomach. "Oh god," he doubled forward, clutching at the sink as another lasso of pain tightened around him.
"JIIIIIM!" All heads in the bullpen shot up at the wailing scream. Ellison was already running, halfway to the bathroom before the cry was even completed.
"CHIEF!" Ellison practically unhinged the door as he flew into the men's room. At one look at his lover writhing on the floor, he fell to his knees. "Oh god, keep breathing, babe. Keep breathing."
"Something's wrong, Jim. It hurts, it hurts," Blair whimpered, Sentinel soft. "It's like my babies are trying to rip out of my stomach."
Jim felt his heart lurch at the remembered fragment of the dream and pressed his hand to Blair's stomach, senses feeling for the little heartbeats. "Okay, the doctor said that this was going to hurt like a son of bitch," he said, more to reassure himself than anything. "I think it's time." He brushed a curl back from his partner's face. "You're in labour."
"Labour my ass! I've been shot before. This is worse." Blair doubled over, feet kicking out jerkily to slam the wall. "OH GOD!"
Jim held his partner, hands gently stroking and petting to soothe the younger man. "Shhhh, it's going to be okay. I know it hurts-"
"Bullshit!"
"Blair, babe?" Jim wrapped an arm around his Guide, easing him into a sitting position. "Do you think you can get up?"
Blair's eyes widened to impossibly large saucers as he was pulled upright, gasping. A sharp, piercing pain jolted up his spine. "Arrrrrrrrgghh!! Do you REALLY want to know what this feels like? I. Don't. Think. So. I can't believe you did this to me you son of a BITCH!"
"This is not good," Jim mumbled to himself. It would have almost been comical if it wasn't so serious.
"OH GOD!" Another scream rent the air and Ellison lashed out at the door with his foot, bellowing in a parade-ground voice.
"Simon, I need your help in here!"
"Oh, Jim," Blair wailed, doubling over and panting. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry."
"It's all right, Chief. Just try and relax a little."
Blair nodded his head, frantically as Jim swooped down and planted a gentle kiss on the damp forehead. "Oh god, Jim. This hurts. Oh god, I'm sor... sorry, mom. Jim, do you know my mom went through twelve hours of labour with me? Oh god..." He gripped Jim's hand so tightly the Sentinel could hear the groan of stressed tendons.
"Ok, Chief, you remember lamaze, you remember your breathing right?" Jim smoothed his hand over Blair's forehead.
"SHIT!" Blair screamed as another pain went up his spine. "Yeah, yeah, hold on. Oh god Jim, this is so embarrasing."
"The breathing or the fact that you're on the floor?" Jim asked still holding on to Blair. He couldn't separate the joined hands even if he wanted to - Blair had a death grip on his right hand.
"BOTH," Blair panted, beginning his breathing. He pulled a strong breath in through his nose and pushed it out through his mouth in little gasps, groaning a little. "Jim, man, I can't take much more of this, you gotta get me outta here, please.."
"Easy, easy," Jim eased his lover's legs up, sitting his feet flat on the floor, knees bent. "You can do this, just relax, the ambulance is on its way.." He curled an arm around Blair's back, gripping his hand with the other." Come on, do the breathing, in and out, take little puffs, ease through them babe, ease through them..."
"GNEAARH!!" Blair screamed his way through another contraction and grabbed hold of Jim's shirt. "YOU GET ME OUTTA HERE YOU FUCKER!!" he screeched into his partner's shocked face.
Jim nodded and gently disengaged the death-grip on his collar. "Ok, babe, it's ok, take it easy,"
"Uuungh. Jim, you say that One. More. Time, and you're not gonna live to see these kids."
"Gotcha Chief," he said, wisely not offering any more false comfort to his trembling partner. "SIMON!!!" he screamed, needing some experienced backup desperately.
Simon sped through the door and crouched down next the Sentinel and Guide. "Jim we have a problem. It's a mess out there, they won't be able to get an ambulance out here for a while. I think we better take him in my car."
"Ok, " Blair panted, "But don't let Jim..." gasp "drive! You know," pant how he gets when he's behind the wheel," he finished, a twinkle in his eyes and a small wink to the Captain fading behind gritted teeth.
"Never dreamed of it, Sandburg. The man just doesn't know how to drive under pressure, does he? Simon's gaze softened as his patted the younger man's shoulder. "Don't worry, son, I'll have him stay in the back with you."
Blair smiled gratefully, glad the black man had caught on to his meaning. "Thanks, Simon."
"Don't mention it. Let's see if we can get you off this floor, huh?" Simon grunted as both he and Ellison went to grasp Blair under his arms and pull him up. "Do you think you can walk at all, son?"
Sandburg answered his question as his knees gave out from under him. Jim grabbed him before he could hit the floor and got a hold of his upper body, gently gathering his lover to him, as Simon grabbed his legs. After Simon was sure that Ellison was supporting the full weight of his Guide in his arms, he released his grip on the younger man.
Striking the bathroom door with his rear, Simon manoeuvred out of the way and held the door open for his friends as the large detective swung his body to the side getting himself and his mate through the doorway. Simon then ran ahead, clearing out the hallway ahead of them.
"'It's ok, babe" Jim soothed. He shifted his arms as Blair spasmed, pulling him tightly against him. "I got you, I got you."
Blair cried out again, biting most of it in, aware that his mouth was less than six inches from an extremely sensitive Sentinel ear. He clung to his lover, arms around the strong neck as he sobbed slightly. "Jim, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I hurt, Jim, oh god, Jim, it hurts, it hurts..."
Jim pressed a desperate kiss to the sweat soaked curls nestled at his chest and hurried down the hall to the elevators, Simon in tow. "It's ok babe, It's ok," he kicked a foot against the call button, then turned with a snarl and took the steps.
"Jim, do you think this is a good idea? We could drop him!"
"Simon, we don't really have a choice here, now, get Rafe to start the damn car!"
The ride to the hospital left a lot to be desired. The dark car tore through the city streets as Simon kept his foot planted firmly on the accelerator. The sirens were blaring, Rafe was babbling words of comfort, occasionally getting assaulted by a wayward foot, Sandburg was screaming and moving almost wildly in the back seat with Ellison. Jim, bless the man, was trying to handle the pandemonium as best he could, keeping a strong, yet gentle hold on his mate. He fought against the flailing limbs, talking soothingly, trying to keep him calm.
Finally they were at the entrance.
With the combined efforts of the three men they managed to get the writhing man out of the car and onto the waiting gurney.
Richardson strode through the halls. "Dammit, why the hell wasn't I paged earlier?!"
The diminutive nurse beside him scurried to keep up. "Doctor, you were with - "
"I don't give a rat's ass who I was with. Tell them to prepare OR 4 for a Csection. STAT. I want at least four units of whole blood, and eight units cross-matched with Sandburg's," he pushed open the door to Blair's room as the nurse hurried off.
Ellison sprang to his feet, relief flooding through his eyes. "Ian, you've got to do something," he pleaded.
"I will, Jim," he reassured softly, putting a hand on Blair's forehead. "Blair? Can you hear me?"
Blue eyes, dulled with pain flickered open, then clenched tight again as another wave of agony gripped the slight figure. "Oh god..." Blair whimpered, "Jim, please, make it stop, please, make it stop. I'll be good, I promise, just please make it stop, makeitstop oh GOD!" He twisted on the bed, heart monitor beeping a crazy accompaniment.
Richardson carefully felt around Blair's stomach, then pulled his hands away and drew the thin blanket back up. "Blair? I think those babies are ready to be born," he smiled and reached for a medical tray by the bed.
Blair shook his head and tried to jerk away as Richardson approached him with the syringe. "No," he got out, panting for breath. "No.." pant "No drugs. Not my babies." He groaned and Jim gripped his hand tighter. "Don't hurt my babies."
Richardson put a hand on his shoulder. "Blair, it's not going to hurt your babies, I promise." He motioned to Jim. "Help me get him on his side."
"NO!!" Blair reared up and immediately fell back down, trying to curl into a ball. "No drugs Jim, no drugs, don't let them hurt our babies, promise me, please."
Jim nodded, one hand going to gently massage the straining stomach, "I promise babe," he whispered, frightened by his lover's gasps for breath. "I promise, just breathe, babe, please, just breathe for me."
Richardson shook his head and leant over, cupping Blair's face in his hands as he panted for air. "Blair, these contractions are normal, they're a normal part of childbirth. It's your muscles helping to push the baby out," he brushed a curl from the flushed forehead. "But the babies have nowhere to go, Blair. You're pushing down, and they have nowhere to go. We have to do a caesarean. We need to cut you open to get them out. Do you want to feel it when we do that?"
A tiny shake of the head, sweat-soaked curls shifting slightly.
"Then we need to give you a shot. When you wake up, it'll all be over."
Another vehement shake of the head, a soft whimper. "no. no drugs, don't hurt my babies. Jim," he clenched his lover's hand in his. "Don't let them hurt our babies, please, Jim, please, oh GOD!" He screamed.
Jim held his partner's shoulders as he thrashed, wishing somehow he could take the pain into himself. "Jim," he looked up into Richardson's concerned grey eyes. "We have to move. NOW."
"Blair? Babe?" Jim stroked a hand across his partner's forehead.
"No..no drugs..." It was a barely audible whisper.
"Babe? How about a local?" Jim begged, fervently stroking back the soaked curls. "Please? Baby, oh please, let them do this, let them make it stop hurting, please, Chief."
Blair gazed up at him with dull, pain-glazed eyes. He was getting weaker by the minute as another contraction tore through him.
"Please? For me?"
Finally, a tiny nod.
"Thank god." Richardson quickly administered the shot and disconnected the monitor. Jim felt a cold feeling of doom take him over at the flat whine from the machine, shivers racing up his spine. Richardson lifted the safety rails, motioning for the orderlies to shift the bed. Blair cried out as they started to move, and Jim was by his side instantly, hands gently petting and soothing.
"It's ok, Blair, it's ok," he took hold of his lover's hand again. "Please, Blair, hold on, hold on to me. Let me take it all away,"
"Love you, Jim." Blair sighed, closing his eyes.
Jim swallowed as the struggles died down a little, the exhausted body lying still on the hard hospital mattress. A nurse grabbed his arm, leading him away from his partner. "NO! I have to stay with him," he argued.
"Sir, you have to put on the necessary attire for you to be in the OR. You can go back as soon as we are done here." She pushed a pile of scrubs into his hands and directed him into a change room.
Jim swiftly put on the necessary clothing. Eager, almost desperate to get back to his mate, heart thumping overtime as his senses focused on Blair's struggles. "Please be ok," he whispered to a god he never believed in. "Please." He let the mantra soothe him, chanting for Blair to be all right, to survive, as he heard the sound of bed squeaking into the operating room, a compact body being laid on the table.
When he entered the OR, another nurse directed him to a seat by the head of the table. "Keep him calm," she instructed. "There's an oxygen mask there, make him use it." Then she was gone, joining the others.
Richardson looked up and nodded briefly at him, using a pair of forcepts to gently swab a betadine-soaked sponge over Blair's now-shaven stomach. The sterile sheeting was already in place, the anthropologist's long hair tucked under a blue surgical cap. Relief flooded into Blair's eyes as Jim took the seat, an almost imperceptible tension easing out of the strained body as he pushed out another sequence of puffs.
"How're we doing, buddy?" Jim brushed a hand tenderly down his partner's cheek.
"Hoo, man, I'm floating." Blair gritted his teeth, hand tensing on Jim's. "Watch out for the sharks, though.." he joked weakly as the frantic beeping of the heart monitor subsided once more.
"Jim," he looked up into grey eyes, the only part of the doctor's face visible above the protective facemask. "We're ready to start. I want you to keep an eye on him, let us know the instant he feels any pain." He picked a scalpel up from the instrument tray. "If he does, we'll go to a full anaesthetic."
"No," Blair shook his head, trying to sit up and glare over the sheet blocking his view of the operation. "No. More. Drugs. Not hurting my babi-oooh shiiiitttttt..." he gritted his teeth and pushed his head back into the table, a strangled whimper escaping as another contraction shook him.
Jim pushed the oxygen mask over his lover's face, adjusting the straps. "Breathe, babe, use the mask, it's ok, it's ok." He winced as his enhanced hearing picked up the swish of the scalpel, the soft curl of sliced skin.
"Jim?" Blair panted. "You ok?...need you here...big guy..."
'I'm here," Jim took the outstretched hand, phasing out everything but the flushed face in front of him. "I'm here." He slipped his fingers under the IV tubing and coiled them around his lover's wrist. "I'm not going anywhere."
Time ticked away, seconds sliding into minutes into hours as Jim held his partner's hand, wiping away the gathering sweat, returning the fierce grip and murmuring gentle, mindless reassurances as Blair rode through the pain. He carefully kept his attention focused on pale face against the blue sheets, trying to ignore the pull of muscle and clang of implements as they cut his lover open to save his children.
"Put a clamp on those bleeders." Richardson ordered, taking the instrument and doing it himself when the nurse didn't move fast enough. Jim shot his head up and looked at the doctor, a question in his eyes.
"It's ok, we got it," Richardson assured him. Jim focused in on the man's heart, picking up the faster beat. Something was wrong. It wasn't going as smoothly as planned.
Suddenly frightened, he patted his partner's cheek. "Chief? Stay with me, stay with me."
"Still...here...babe."
"Ok, we've reached the placenta wall. Give me some suction, I want this area cleared. Gently, gently, we're on the home stretch now..."
Then Jim heard it. One, then two cries as his children were lifted free. He sat up straighter and looked over at the gunky, greasy, utterly perfect little bodies being held by the nurses. Focusing in, he smiled, tears trickling down his face. "Blair?" he gently wiped the damp sponge across the sweat-soaked brow beneath the surgery cap. "Babe? There's two. One of each, a boy and a girl." He grinned proudly at his lover. "We're daddies."
Blair smiled softly at him, eyes weary above the mask. He slowly trailed his hand up Jim's chest to brush his lips. "Love you," he whispered. A sudden peace crossed his face as his eyes closed and the hand fell limply to one side.
"Blair?!" Jim looked up at the cries from the surgical staff.
"Shit! He's haemorrhaging!" Richardson yelled. "I need suction here, now!" A nurse pushed Jim to one side, pulling the oxygen mask off Blair's slack face and replacing it with an anaesthetic pump.
Jim got off the chair and backed out of the way, pressing his back up tight against the wall of the theatre, shaking his head. "No." It wasn't supposed to be like this. "No," he watched the frantic motions of the staff as they tried to save his lover. "No! He promised!" All the sounds suddenly threatened to overwhelm him: the crying of his babies, the terse orders of the surgeon, the too-slow, tripping, stumbling beat of the heart monitor connected to Blair.
Turning, Jim staggered through the doors, tearing the thin paper mask off his face, lurching blindly through the hall, ignoring anything and everything in his path. Tripping, he stumbled into something solid and registered someone shouting his name.
"Jim!"
It was Simon. Jim took a deep, shuddering breath, some sanity returning. They were all there, Simon, Brown, Rafe with a drooping violet in a pot, Joel with a stuffed bear. Jim shook his head, focusing on the OR at the end of the ward.
/"He's coding!"/
"NO! BLAIR!!" Jim turned to head back to those double doors. It took all four detectives to hold him back. "No! He needs me!" Jim pushed against the hands holding him away from his mate. "DAMMIT NO! BLAIR'S DYING!!" he screamed. "HE CAN'T DIE! HE PROMISED ME!! HE PROMISED!" He struggled like a madman as they forced him into a chair.
"Jim, JIM!" Strong hands were grasping his face, forcing him to look into Simon's dark eyes. "Jim, you can't go in there. It's a sterile environment. If you go in there, you could contaminate it. You could hurt Blair." There was a shake in the Captain's voice.
Jim folded in on himself, pulling his knees up against his chest. "He promised me he'd fight," he whispered, rocking slowly. "He promised me he'd fight. He promised he'd try, that he didn't want to leave." Dimly he registered the others gathering around him, supporting hands on his, soft murmured reassurances. Dully he phased them all out, focusing in on the room behind those double doors.
The room where his lover, his Guide, his life was dying.
Jim cursed his enhanced hearing with every passing second, cursed the fact that he could hear every shouted command, every fleeting beat of the slowing heart. He pressed his hands to his ears, trying to block out the horrible reality as his lover's breathing faltered and died. "No," he whispered, curling in tighter on himself, stretching out his hearing, his mind yammering, screaming denial, he was wrong, it was there, it was there, he just WASN'T LISTENING HARD ENOUGH. He shifted his focus onto the too-slow beat of Blair's heart, ignoring the lying machines, willing it to strengthen, as if by the pure power of his thoughts he could push into a normal rhythm, hope fading as it tripped and stumbled, slower and slower until it stopped.
Blackness called for Jim and he fell gratefully into its dark embrace.
What seemed like an eternity later, but in reality only a few minutes, he felt Simon take hold of his shoulders in a vise-like grip. "Dammit, Ellison, don't you dare try this shit on me now!" Hands were shaking him, clenched tight in the collar of his shirt, blows rocking his head from side to side as hands slapped his face. In fits and starts he was dragged back, hauling air into starved lungs, blue eyes flying open. "Jim," Simon clenched his face between his palms.
"He's dead, Simon," Jim whispered, so softly the others had to strain to hear the words. "Blair's dead." A world of agony burned through his eyes and his head hung forward, hot tears splashing the backs of his hands, forming surreal blots on the surgical gown pooling in his lap. "Blair's dead."
Joel reached out a sympathetic hand to knead his shoulder. "You don't know that, Jim," he comforted. "Blair's a fighter, he'll get through this."
Jim laughed, but there was no humour in it. Joel didn't know. But he DID. He was a Sentinel, he could hear the exact moment his Guide's heart had stopped cold. He could hear the wheeze of breath, Blair's last breath as it was forced out of his lungs. Joel didn't know. Only Blair and Simon knew his secret. But Blair wasn't here any more. And now there was only one.
Only one.
Jim's laughter gained momentum, becoming hysterical, crazed as tears forced their way to the surface.
He never heard it when the precious heart was jolted to life again. Never heard the monitor that beeped in rhythm with the unsteady beat. Never heard the rush of air as oxygen was forced into his mate's lungs.
Never heard the anguished, tiny screech of his daughter as she was separated from her brother.
Never heard when Simon called to the nurse as he slid to the floor in a fit of tears and anguish. Never heard the panicked voices above him as he slipped into an unnatural sleep.
He was the water's edge.
The black spectre stood close at his feet as the jaguar bellowed its grief. He watched with the cat as its mate paddled weakly across the river to them. It was fighting the rapid current. Holding on, pushing forward as the water closed over its head again and again. The beast fought, whimpering and whining.
But it fought.
It was still holding to life.
Soft dark eyes locked with blue as it strained, pushing closer and closer. With a final whimper, the wolf went under the water again.
It didn't resurface.
Jim screamed his denial at the scene, knowing what it meant. Beside him, the jaguar let out a blood-curdling roar as it dove into the now unearthly still water and disappeared.
Jim came to with a gasp. He whimpered softly as he realised that the scene hadn't played through. What had happened to the wolf? "Blair..." he whispered, tears staining his cheeks. His senses spiked into the sensation of needles and pins when he felt a familiar touch of an old friend on his shoulder.
Simon.
"Jim -"
"Oh god no. Please, no."
"He's not dead, Jim. They lost him on the table, but they were able to bring him back. He's - he slipped into a coma."
"Our...children?" He asked in hushed tones, heart pounding in his chest. His vision held no little ones.
Simon lowered his head, "Not good, Jim." He broke off, gathering the courage to face his distraught friend. "Jim, I don't know what to do. All I know is that you definitely have a little Sentinel on your hands. The little boy. When Blair's heart stopped, the baby zoned. It stopped crying and went limp. At first they thought he was dead. I couldn't convince the doctors what had happened. They think he's in a coma too. They separated the twins. The little girl hasn't stopped crying since."
The Sentinel slowly shook his head, tears falling freely now. Not holding back.. This couldn't be happening. How many times were they to be tested? "No, my family. No no no...." Jim whispered.
Simon watched his friend, uncertain of what to do. There were no words he could say. No mindless, soothing platitudes for something like this. No words could stop the pain. "Would you like to meet your little girl? Hold her for a while?"
Jim nodded absently. He really didn't want to see her. He didn't want to see the little boy. He wanted to be with Blair. Those children were the cause of all of this. As if they were worth his life. His future. Their future together. Those children were made out love. He focused back, remembering Stephen. He had hated that boy. He was the reason his mother had left him alone. And it was happening again.
Except this time, there wasn't going to be any hate. Only love. He owed to Blair. He nodded to Simon to bring the baby to him. He didn't have the strength yet to attempt standing. Moments later, Simon came back with a little bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. Smiling down out him the Captain announced, "Jim, meet your daughter."
The babe in his arms whimpered, shivering a little. Jim looked at her, seeing his lover. He chuckled, shaking his head. Just born and already hating the cold. Well kid, get used it. This is Cascade. Cold and wet will become your world, little one. My Blair. "Trisha Blair. How's that, sweetie? Trisha Blair Sandburg-Ellison? You like that?" He asked, tears streaming down his face Looking up, Jim swallowed the lump in his throat. "How is he?" he asked Simon in a whisper.
The Captain didn't need to ask whom he was referring to. "He's hanging in there. They have him a respirator.." Among other things. He didn't want to think of the sight of Sandburg lying there, connected to those machines. The sight was so...unnatural, against everything the kid believed in. "The doctor said he might not ever come out of the coma," Simon began, hating himself, but needing to speak the truth. He owed his friend that much. "Jim, if his brain activity starts decreasing or stops..."
"Don't say it, Simon. Don't-" Jim sat up on the bed, holding his daughter, glancing around the room. Seeing he wasn't hooked up to anything, the need to see Blair overwhelmed him. "I've got to see him." He held Trisha out to Simon who took her weight into his arms. Swinging his legs over the bed Jim carefully began lowering himself to the floor.
Holding onto Simon's steadying arm for support, he made his way down the hall. As they entered the tiny room, Jim gasped at sight before him. Blair was lying on the bed, pale and unmoving. If not for the many machines and tubes and wires attached to him, Jim would have believed he had lost his Guide. His mate. But the machines were beeping, tubes running along his body, in his nose pumped life-giving nutrients. The respirator breathed for him, in and out, chest rising and falling with a machine's regularity.
Something inside the Sentinel snapped and he collapsed beside his partner. Holding his hand out, he felt for the pulse, the blood rushing through Blair's veins. "You are going to get better, Chief. You didn't think I'd forget your promise did you?" Jim clutched at the smaller hand in his. The coolness of the limb was shocking but he wasn't giving up.
Simon came up, still holding Trisha. Cradling the baby to his chest, he used his free hand to bring the grieving man up, lifting him to the visitor's chair alongside the bed. "Jim -"
"I need to be alone with my Guide, Simon. He needs to meet his little girl." Jim said quietly.
Simon nodded. Handing the little girl over to her father, he settled the girl firming in the detective's lap. "I'll be outside if you need anything, Jim."
Seven hours later and he was still there. Simon stood outside the room like a wraith, eyes watching the little world inside.
It was as bad as the time the kid had been dosed with Golden. Everything was the same. The beep of the monitor tracking the faltering heart, the drip of the IV unit regulating medications, the soft hiss and click of the respirator forcing precious oxygen into unresponsive lungs. Everything was the same.
Except for one thing.
Last time, Blair hadn't left behind a terrified Sentinel and two tiny babies.
The staff had been wary about having a child in ICU, but Jim had insisted. And when James Ellison got insistent, the nurses had learned it was easier to just give in.
Jim bent over the crib, reaching out his arms, and let the tiny hands of his daughter grasp his fingers. "Oh, Blair," he whispered. "She's so beautiful, so perfect. Just like you." Dipping in, he picked up his child, crystal blue eyes peeking up at him past the blanket wrapped around her face.
Jim laid the squirming baby on his lover's chest and carefully folded the lax hands around her, cautiously avoiding the monitors and tubing, pumps and wiring keeping Blair alive.
Balancing himself delicately on the edge of the bed, he laid one hand on his daughter's head and ran the other through his partner's dark curls. "Can you feel her, hon? She's so small, her hands are so tiny," lifting a limp hand, he held it over the girl's face, bringing one small fist to wrap around a forefinger. "See? Look at her hands, they're so small, so perfect.." a tear slid down his face. "I called her Trisha, like we said..." he knelt by the bed, taking a cold hand in his and massaging it gently. "Wake up, babe," he whispered. "Wake up and see your babies. Come on," he trailed Blair's lifeless fingers over the tiny rosebud lips nested on his chest. "Chief, she's so beautiful, why don't you open your eyes and see for yourself? A little piece of us."
There was no response from the young man in the bed, just the soft hiss of the respirator, the beeping of machines and the soft little chirping sounds coming from their daughter, perched happily on Blair's chest.
"I'd show you our son, but they're still holding him for observation, babe." Jim brushed a tender hand over one pale cheek then the other, careful of the tape holding the tube in place. "He KNEW when you left us. He tried so hard to hear you that he even forgot to breathe, Chief. You've got to work on coming back now. Julian wants to see his other daddy." He kissed the hand in his, cold against his lips. "Oh, honey, you're cold. Why didn't you say something?" Rising to his feet, Jim fussed absently with the blankets, tucking them around Blair's shoulders.
Simon stood at the observation window, watching the scene with mixed emotions. Jim had come back, but to what? He had two tiny babies, one of which the medical staff had given up on as Blair had coded. And the daughter was so tiny. If she had been borne by a female, the medical staff would have worried and fussed. But this hadn't been a regular birth. Blair Sandburg had borne those children, at the cost of his own life. The only thing wrong was the fact that Jim seemed oblivious to that minor detail. He still treated the younger man as if he were only sleeping. The doctors had given up hope on him as well. And strangely enough, so had he.
Captain Simon Banks had witnessed Blair in every situation. From being shot, to drugged, to drowned in the University fountain. But this time, he knew deep in his heart, that Blair wasn't coming back.
He watched his best detective as he hovered over his partner. Standing Sentry over his mate. He didn't dare try to convince Jim otherwise. A movement at his shoulder made him turn. Rafe was standing there, tears tracking down his face.
"Captain, how are we going to tell him?" he asked softly. "The doctor says that Blair left a living will. They said if his brain activity drops below a certain level, then it's time...." Rafe trailed off, wiping his face. "If it drops any further...."
Banks took his glasses off and rubbed his nose. "It hasn't gone that far, yet. Let's give it a couple of days." He looked in at the Sentinel, slowly rocking his daughter on the edge of the bed and crooning to his lover. "I'm just afraid Jim isn't going to let go. And when he comes to his senses in there and realises that Blair is gone...I don't know, I just don't know. Ah Dammit!" Simon yelled, punching the wall with his fist. "Why couldn't Sandburg be like any other man?" he demanded ignoring the pain in his tightly clenched hand. "Why couldn't they try surrogate parenting? Why does he do shit like this?" He turned desperate eyes on the only one standing close, searching for the answer he knew deep inside him.
Because he was Blair Sandburg.
"I don't know, sir." Rafe said softly, putting a hand on Simon's shoulder. " I think I better check up on Julian, see how he's doing."
With that, he left the burly captain to his thoughts. "Come on, Sandburg, fool us all." Simon urged, pressing a hand to the glass wall separating him from his men. "Come back! Come back for Jim. For the twins. Damn..." he dropped his hand, whispering as the tears streaked down his face. "...for all of us..."
He was drowning again.
Blair pushed at the wall of water suffocating him, fighting to reach the surface. His lungs burned as the water turned around him like a blanket, pliant, yet unyielding in its grip. Weakly he scrabbled as it pulled him under, deeper, deeper, legs kicking out frantically for the bottom, some leverage to push himself up with.
He heard soft cries from the shore as he surfaced for a brief second, water choking him as it slapped up at his face and pulled him down again. My babies
The knowledge sent a surge of strength through his soul and he fought harder, dragging air into starved lungs as he came up again, a brief respite, stolen away as the current snatched greedily at his flailing legs. He sank again, brown curls floating up around him in seaweed patterns as darkness crept in on the edges of his vision. Jim, he thought sorrowfully as his lungs expelled the last shred of air left in them Jim, I'm sorry..
He sank deeply into the whirling maelstrom, thoughts fading as everything turned black.
The monitors went crazy.
Jim sprang from his chair by the bed. "NO!" He strained his Sentinel hearing to tune out the cacophany, fighting to hear the heartbeat of his Guide. He not only heard the strained beat falter, but felt it through his veins as he held his lover's hand. "Somebody help ME!" He screamed.
He knew they wouldn't. They had put a DNR (Do not resuscitate) order on his Guide's chart after his brainwaves had gone under the specified criteria. "OH GOD, NO!"
Blair surfaced from the murky darkness, coughing and gasping. His cubs were stranded on the shore, waiting for him. They whimpered and whined as they watched their parent go under again. He spat the fiery taste of the water out of his mouth, watching helplessly as the bigger of the two cubs splashed into the water, paddling toward him. He looked for the panther. "Someone help me!"
His mate was too far away.
"Oh God, go back," he sputtered, taking in more of the liquid fire. The pup paddled its way toward him with as much strength as its little body could, faltering as the current of the now-whirling water threatening to suck its tiny body under.
Back in the confines of the hospital, Trisha started crying, twisting in Jim's arms. The Sentinel turned with hooded eyes, focusing his senses across the ward, pushing away the sounds and smells, the dying moans and the newborn cries as he searched for his son.
"No!" Rafe thumped the observation glass on the maternity ward, watching helplessly as the tiny baby boy choked and gagged in his sleep.
Blair reached out desperately to the struggling form, frozen fingers snagging in water-matted fur. Forcing numb muscles to work, he hauled the weakening pup toward him, holding it tight as it whimpered at his chest. A sudden surge of anger burned through him. Why the hell was he giving up? Water again, his greatest fear since that day at the fountain. The day that Alex... "NO!!" he screamed, the vision of the spotted jaguar taunting him. "NO YOU BITCH!! I WON'T LET YOU WIN!"
One arm after the other he thrashed, pulling himself through the water, forcing himself to keep going, the soft body at his chest spurring his efforts beyond his endurance. Inch by inch he made his way across, water sucking greedily at him, tugging at him, teasing him as he clawed desperately for the shore.
Doctors and nurses crowded the small form in its glass cubicle as the detectives of Major Crimes watched horrified.
Rafe and Brown watched helplessly, tears streaming down their faces as Julian continued to choke and gag. The doctors struggled, not understanding. They desperately probed the tiny mouth for obstructions as the baby fought for breath, shouting useless orders, trying to bully the small form back to life.
Jim was torn.
His mate was dying.
His son was dying.
With a savage growl Jim tore the IV from Blair's wrist. Tubes and wires scattered on the floor, the heart monitor flatlining as its sensors were torn from the limp body. The doctors weren't coming. Jim gently rocked Trisha, seeing Simon for the first time through the glass wall. His eyes plead mutely for assistance as the police Captain entered the room.
Simon shivered, gazing into homicidal eyes as the tiny baby was laid in his arms. He didn't interfere, watching the spectacle silently as Jim tore the remaining sensors from his lover's body, roughly hauling the invasive tube from his throat. Gently, the Sentinel gathered his Guide into his arms, cradling him close, kissing the pale, lifeless face.
He moved stealthily down the corridor to his son, Simon following quietly behind him.
Blair pushed his way forward, gasping air past the waves slapping his face, desperately holding the wet cub to his chest. He could feel the water grabbing him, sapping his efforts and pulling them both under its strengthening whirlpool.
The Panther jumped down from its boulder, watching helplessly as its mate and cub went down again. An unearthly wail rent the air as it screamed its rage, charging at the unprotected wolf cub at the shore. The Panther growled as he bit into the soft ruff at the back of the pup's neck, pulling it away from the swirling, angry waters. Bellowing its sorrow, the feline watched helplessly as the Wolf and the Tiger cub fought against the murky, fiery water.
Blair fought against the blackness as he held his precious cargo in his arms, finally breaking the surface of the water. He gasped desperately for air, looking down at the bundle in his arms. Pulling it closer, he screamed when he realised the brown and black striped cub wasn't breathing.
"NO!" he howled.
The Wolf stopped struggling as the whirlpool gathered strength for its final assault.
Pandemonium reigned as Ellison exploded into the glassed room, Blair cradled limply in his arms. With a growl, the Sentinel knocked doctors and nurses aside, charging for the still form on the table
Blue eyes impossibly flashed to amber as Jim crouched in the corner of the room, snarling and swiping at all who dared approach his mate, or the small body cradled to the still chest. "Jesus," Brown muttered. Ellison had finally lost it.
Blair clung to the wet dripping form of his cub as the waters came up to possess him and his precious burden. He nuzzled his face to the still fur, waiting for death.
Jim rocked back and forth, chanting a mantra in some ancient tongue as pushed Julian into the limp hands of his lover. His rational mind was gone, possessed by the pure animal instinct of his Spirit Guide. The Sentinel forced his dead love to cradle the body of his son as the others watched helplessly.
Silence reigned the room, tears falling freely at the total destruction of a man as Jim gathered the lifeless bodies to his chest, rocking them, crooning.
A doctor moved to step forward and Simon caught his arm. "Leave them," he whispered. "For a little while, at least."
Blair floated peacefully in the water, caught between breaths, demands for air no longer important as he sank down, drinking in the peacefulness, waiting for oblivion.
There was a loud splash and rumbling. He could feel the waves rocking him in the current's embrace.
Strong jaws gripped his arm, hauling him up through the murky depths.
Blair coughed, choking on the stale air, breathing for the first time in...He didn't know how long. He looked down to see the tiny chest of his son rise and fall in his protective embrace. He looked up into the shocked faces of Simon and the medical staff, as Dr. Richardson promptly passed out. Slowly, stiffly turning his head he saw the detectives of Major Crimes staring down at him. Joel and Brown turning a frightening grey as Rafe cried, freely. It was then that he felt the gentle arms of his life mate gripped tightly around his waist, warm tears flowing down his neck.
Julian spit up as the baby coughed softly against him. Trisha cooed in Simon's arms. And James Ellison held his love to his chest, revelling in each renewed beat of the precious heart.
"Dammit Sandburg, gimme a hand!"
Blair looked up from where he was patiently braiding his daughter's hair. "What?"
Jim was straining across a table, trying to keep himself in a relatively comfortable position in the chair. "I can't reach the beer!"
With a sigh, Blair got to his feet and handed the demanded item over. "There you go babe. Better?"
"Yeah," Jim took a pull from the bottle and rested it on his paunchy stomach. "Thanks."
The end?
Peppie: You think we went overboard?
Blair'sBoff: Who cares? DAMN THE BULLSHIT, FULL STEAM AHEAD!!
Ok, ok, a few things were left out, like doing the funky cowboy dance, CS's Internet access exploding and forcing her to resort to Email, BB complaining about Feral Jim shedding on the carpet, sharpening his claws on the furniture and crapping on the Persian rugs...stuff like that
Hope you enjoyed it! If you did, how about an email?? *g*