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Throwback

Disclaimer: The Sentinel and its characters belong to Pet Fly Productions. No money changed hands here, this is just for fun. No infringement on copyright is intended. This is way shorter and more boring than my old disclaimer. Contains partial quote from the episode "Switchman."

Rated NC-17 for m/m sex

Throwback

by MegaRed

Jim stepped out of the elevator on the seventh floor of the Cascade Police Headquarters, followed closely by his friend and partner, Blair Sandburg. As usual, Blair was talking nonstop to Jim, whose mind was elsewhere. Blair was ranting about the disaster that was his relationship with Sam, of forensics.

Blair and Sam had been in an on again..., off again..., on again..., WAY off again relationship for the past few months, and Jim was getting sick of it. That woman had no idea of the gift she was toying with. She should realize that there were people in Cascade that would give twenty years of their life in exchange for the love of a certain neo-hippie anthropologist. Jim should know; he was one of them.

"Am I boring you, Jim?"

Jim's head snapped around as the subject of his thoughts addressed him. Ellison studied the long dark curls framing the delicate, sublime features of his Guide. Blair's blue eyes stared intently into his own, as was usual whenever the young man spoke to him. Blair had absolutely no fear of eye contact; his eyes were the window to his soul, wide open to anyone.

"Sorry, Chief," Jim said quietly. He pushed down his feelings once again, trying not to drown in the blue pools who's corners now crinkled in amusement. Jim had decided some time ago that it would do neither he nor Blair any good to reveal his heart. He knew the moment he did, his girl-crazy partner would be packed and on his way to Calcutta. It was hard being so in love with someone you worked closely with everyday, without being able to tell him. But Jim was willing to endure that pain, as long he could be near Blair.

Blair smiled at Jim as they entered the bullpen. He looked up and waved cheerfully to the familiar faces, and was greeted with wide smiles from Ryf, Brown, Taggert and Rhonda. Blair had sort of become the 'darling of Major Crimes' in the short time he'd been working with the department. At first, there had been some mild hostility toward the young man, from the harder-edged officers who felt a grad student's place was in a classroom, not a police precinct.

But in time, even those individuals had fallen victim to Sandburg's sweet, nonjudgemental attitude and enthusiasm. "More infectious than the Black Plague," was how Ryf had described Blair's personality one night at a poker game, while the anthropologist was out teaching a night class. Jim had agreed wholeheartedly.

Jim sat down behind his desk, smiling to himself as Blair took his usual seat in the chair at the corner, half facing Jim. The detective flipped on his computer and began typing up the reports of yesterday's drug bust. He and Blair had successfully nabbed a handful of small-time dealers who were in the process of developing a new, more potent form of speed. At first, Jim had been leery of the assignment, remembering Blair's near-fatal experience with Golden just last year. But in the end, he and the anthropologist had displayed their usual talent, and with the help of Jim's Sentinel skills, solved yet another case.

Jim had only just gotten started on the paperwork when the door to Captain Simon Banks' office opened, and the tall, dark-skinned man called across the bullpen.

"Ellison! My office, please!"

"Oooh... PLEASE!" Blair murmured under his breath, knowing his Sentinel would hear him. "Cap must in a good mood today, huh? Must've gotten a new shipment of hazelnut coffee." The young man smiled as Jim snickered. They were halfway to Simon's office when the Captain held up a hand.

"Uh... ONLY Ellison." Simon said gently. He smiled reassuringly at Blair, hoping his unease wasn't visible in his dark eyes. "Just this once, OK kid?" Banks felt his heart tighten at the baffled look of hurt that fluttered across Blair's innocent face. So very innocent.

"Sir?" Jim asked, cocking an eyebrow and looking back over his shoulder. He watched Blair shrug and move slowly back to Jim's desk. Jim turned back to his Captain. "What's going on, Simon?" The Sentinel asked. He followed as Banks motioned him into the office and closed the door.

"Jim," the Captain began, "We need to talk." The big man sat down behind his desk with a sigh, clearly not looking forward to what had to be said.

Jim Ellison swallowed uneasily, eyeing Simon. "What is it sir?" he asked softly. He could tell by Simon's tone that he wasn't going to like it.

Simon took a deep breath. "Jim, the Chief of police has ordered me to find you a," Simon rolled his eyes, and raised his hands, wiggling his fingers in the classic 'Quote Unquote' gesture. "A REAL partner." He finished quietly.

Jim closed his eyes, and sank down into the chair opposite. He'd had a feeling it would be something like this. There had been talk in the bullpen for some time now about the Chief's displeasure at Sandburg's apparently indefinite position in Major Crimes. It had hung over Jim's head like a dark cloud. Now, it seemed, the storm was about to hit.

"Jim?" Simon called softly.

Ellison looked up at Simon with helplessness etched on his chiseled face. "What do you want me to say, Simon?" he asked softly. "You know how I feel. Sandburg has helped this department with dozens of cases, not to mention saved my ass a few times." Jim huffed and got to his feet to stalk to the window.

"But apparently that's not enough for the Chief, is it?" Jim continued, growling. "He'd rather pair me with some stranger, then let a civilian work with me. Even though said civilian does more to help me than any officer with a badge ever could!" Jim punctuated the phrase by pounding his fist into the wall. Not hard, just enough to let off some steam.

Simon nodded in sympathy. "I'm sorry Jim, I know that. I've already put in an appeal to have Sandburg's status promoted to official observer, instead of...," Simon broke off as Jim turned to stare at him. "What?" The Captain asked.

Jim opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, thinking of what to say. When he spoke, his voice was soft.

"That... surprises me sir," he said, "I mean, I appreciate it, but I always kind of thought...,'

"That I hated the kid?" Simon finished with a grin. He shook his head as he stood to approach Jim. "I know, I've done pretty good playing the role of the hard-assed captain, but I'll admit it; the kid's grown on me." Simon reached out to pat Jim on the shoulder.

"Me too, sir," Jim said in a small voice, turning to gaze out the window again. He closed his eyes as he suddenly pictured what it would be like working without Blair at his side. Without being able to work closely with Jim, Blair would need to find a new thesis subject. Which meant he'd move out. Which meant Jim might never see him again. Which meant.... Jim began to have trouble breathing.

Simon looked up as a crunching sound met his ears. He stared in disbelief as Jim slowly clenched his fist against the wall, fingers actually digging into the plaster.

"Jim!" Simon said sharply, grabbing the detective's shoulders. He carefully pulled the quaking man away from the wall, trying not to notice the faint streaks of blood marring the clean, white surface. He guided Jim into a chair and stood in front of him.

"Easy now buddy, Just relax," Simon said quietly, rubbing Jim's back. Jim buried his face in his hands, rocking back and forth. He was the picture of despair.

"So," Blair addressed Ryf as he moved back toward Jim's desk. "You getting cold feet yet?" Blair forced a smile onto his face, despite being snubbed by Simon. Ryf was getting married next month.

Ryf noticed the hurt in Blair's eyes. "Don't worry, Blair," he said reassuringly. "I'm sure the Captain didn't mean anything personal." He slapped Blair on the back. "And, no," Ryf added. "I'm not getting cold feet. How can I possibly have cold feet when I'm about to marry the most beautiful woman in the state of Washington?" He smiled at Rhonda across the room, who rolled her eyes at him before blowing a kiss and smiling back.

Blair chuckled. "Well, it's gonna be a blast. And in case I didn't mention it before, it means a lot to me that you want Jim and me for your groomsmen, Ryf." Blair lowered his voice to add, "Plus I can't WAIT to see Jim in a tux." Blair bobbed his eyebrows.

The fair-haired young officer chuckled. "When are you gonna tell him how you feel, Sandburg?" he asked. Blair had confided to him a few weeks ago that he had developed feelings for Ellison. "If you wait too long, you may lose him you know," the young detective warned.

Blair shook his head, eyes going wide. "Are you kidding, man? Tell him? He'd have me out of here faster than...," Blair broke off as Brown walked past. When he spoke again, his voice was low, and slightly sad.

"We ARE talking about the same Jim Ellison here, aren't we? You know, Mr. straighter-than-straight, cast-iron cop, right?" Blair sighed, running a hand through his curls. "It's just not worth wrecking our friendship over, Ryf. I'd rather live with loving him in secret, than have to live without him." Blair smiled sadly.

Ryf sighed and shook his head. "I dunno, Blair. Somehow I think you're reading him wrong." He straightened and turned to go back to his desk as he added, "You and Jim are like family to me; I want the two of you to be happy." With a final pat to Blair's back, Ryf walked away.

"I AM happy," Blair said, to himself as much as Ryf. {But could I be happier if I told Jim I'm in love with him?} his mind added. Before he could think much more about it, a shy-looking man wandered hesitantly into the bullpen. Blair glanced around, but no one seemed to be paying the stranger any heed.

"Hi there!" Blair stood and walked over to the newcomer with a friendly smile. "You look a little lost, buddy. Need any help?"

The large man turned to Blair, and smiled broadly.

"Yes," the stranger said. "Yes, thank you. You'll do nicely...,"

Jim slumped in the chair, trembling. Simon held Jim's head down between his knees. Seemed his detective was having some kind of a minor seizure. Banks was about to call for a medic, when Jim's head lifted.

Simon stepped back as Jim slowly got to his feet, senses apparently trained elsewhere. At about that moment, Simon became aware of a commotion outside. He pushed past the zombie-like Ellison and opened the door to the bullpen.

The first thing he saw was Brown and Taggert struggling to hold onto a large, psychotic-looking figure in a trench coat. The stranger began to scream now, and Simon was alarmed to see a bloody knife clutched in the man's hand. Brown had hold of the guy's wrist, and was keeping the knife away as Taggert struggled to cuff him.

"Kill the pigs!" screamed the wild-eyed man. "Kill them all!"

Taggert turned and saw his Captain, with a very dazed-looking Jim on his heels. Joel bit his lip. If Jim was having a bad day, it was about to get much worse.

"Brown!" Simon bellowed, striding into the group. He noticed a small group of people, including Ryf, kneeling on the floor beside Jim's desk. "What the hell's going on out here?!"

"He came out of nowhere sir!" Ryf called from the floor. "It happened so fast, we didn't...," Ryf was interrupted by a groan.

Simon came closer and leaned over, looking past one of the other officers. "Oh Jesus," he breathed.

Blair lay on the floor, head cradled in Rhonda's lap. The young man's face was pale, and he seemed only partly conscious. This was most likely due to the large knife-wound in his midsection, which was oozing blood despite Ryf's hand pressing a handkerchief over it.

Simon knelt as well, and took Blair's hand in his. The pulse was still strong, he noted thankfully. "Has someone called a medic?" The Captain demanded. Ryf nodded.

"Blair?" Simon called gently, reaching to lightly slap the young man's cheek. "C'mon kid, stay with us here." Simon looked back over his shoulder to call Jim over, and saw it wasn't necessary.

Ellison stood like a granite statue, staring down at his partner. Like a robot, he stalked forward to stand over the small group of people taking care of his Guide. His Guide. His Guide was hurt. His Guide was in danger....

Blair's eyes fluttered open, and a weak smile touched the full lips as he saw Jim staring down at him.

"Jim.... hey, man," Blair gasped. "Guess someone thought I was... overdue... for an injury... huh?" Blair tried to laugh, then moaned, squeezing his eyes shut as a wave of agony tore through his belly. He opened his eyes as it passed, and noticed the odd look on Jim's face, almost like he wasn't quite... there.

"Jim?" Blair called louder. "Jim, don't flip out on me, man. It's not as bad as it looks." Blair tried to sit up a little. Ryf protested, as did Blair's body by spouting another gout of blood. Blair was white-faced as he settled back down.

"OK, maybe it IS as bad as it looks...," the anthropologist began. "But I...,"

"EEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAGHHH!"

Everyone in the area jumped as Jim roared. Like a madman, Jim pushed the officers surrounding his Guide away. Simon went sprawling. Jim's desk was flipped over like a toy. Jim knocked Rhonda's hands away from Blair's face as she tried to cradle his head. Then he pushed her by the shoulders, sending her onto her back with a startled cry.

{Danger here.... Protect the Guide.... Escape.... }

"Jim!" Simon shouted from the floor. "Jim, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

Ellison didn't hear. Growling like a feral thing he knelt, swept Blair into his arms and stood. Blair wailed in pain at the sharp, sudden movement. Ryf stepped forward to try and steady him, and was knocked back by Jim's foot against his chest.

Jim charged forward, kicking and shoving his way through Major Crimes to the door. He turned in the doorway and faced the roomful of shocked people, snarling in a threatening challenge to anyone who tried to approach. Blair was trembling in his arms, eyes wide with pain and fear.

"Jim...," Blair said shakily, "Jim.... Calm down, now. Just...," Blair broke off with another short cry of pain as Jim suddenly turned and charged down the hallway with him, bellowing like a wild man. People in his path made way quickly.

Everyone in Major Crimes just stood there in shock, not quite sure what had happened. Simon was the first to snap into action, springing to his feet and slapping the nearest link to the station's intercom.

"Seal the building!" the Captain barked, voice echoing through the room. Everyone moved then, regrouping. Ryf got to his feet, and smiled as he gallantly offered Rhonda a hand up. Brown cuffed the now-silent stabber and handed him off to a pair of waiting uniforms. Taggert was on the phone to the precinct's psychiatrist.

"Captain," Ryf said, wincing as he rubbed the spot on his chest where Jim had kicked him. "What's going on?" He confirmed that Rhonda was unhurt before moving to stand beside his Captain.

Simon shook his head. "I don't know. It looks like Ellison is having some kind of mental breakdown." Simon quickly gathered his troops and instructed them to fan out and find Ellison, but not to hurt him, under any circumstances.

"He's not himself," Simon explained.

"Duh," Brown muttered under his breath as he exited, leading half a dozen uniformed officers in pursuit of Jungle Jim.

"What did you say to him in there, Sir?" Rhonda asked, coming to join Banks and Ryf. She was absently rubbing a sore spot on her elbow, and waved Ryf away as he tried to fuss over her.

"Relax, Lancelot, I'll live." She smiled at her fiancee to take the sting off her words.

Simon shrugged. "I told him the Chief wants him to get a real partner," he said.

Ryf looked confused. "Blair wants Jim to get a new partner? I thought...,"

"No, no, no," Simon said, irritated. "THE Chief." Simon huffed when Ryf still looked puzzled. "Of Police.... the Big Boss.... you know?" Simon elaborated.

"Oh!" Said Ryf and Rhonda in unison.

"Jim's not going to like that much," Ryf added, shaking his head.

"No shit, Sherlock," Simon replied. "Jim had a small... well... seizure, I guess is the word for it, in the office after I told him the news. Then all hell broke loose." Simon moved to look down the hallway where Jim had vanished with Sandburg. He frowned at the trail of blood spatters leading away. The kid was bleeding badly.

"It was so odd, Captain," Rhonda was saying, as Banks turned back to her. "Jim seemed desperate to keep everyone away from Blair, like we were a threat to him or something." She turned to Ryf, who was nodding in agreement with her.

Simon nodded. "I noticed that too, Rhonda." Simon turned again to study the blood dotting the hallway. "Unfortunately, by carrying him off like that, Jim's become more of a threat to Blair than we could be. If we don't get Blair to a hospital soon, he'll bleed to death."

{Protect the Guide.... Protect the Guide.... Protect the Guide....}

"Jim?"

{Escape.... Safety.... Higher ground.... Protect....}

"Jim.... Please, buddy.... You're really scaring me, here!" Blair reached one hand up to slap Jim's shoulder as the Sentinel moved quickly down the hall. Jim was still carrying Blair in his arms, and every time Blair tried to struggle free he was painfully reminded of the large hole in his belly. Jim's shirt was becoming soaked with Blair's blood, but the big man seemed oblivious.

Blair gave up struggling and wrapped his arms around Jim's neck. He tried to relax, to keep calm. This was Jim, after all. His Blessed Protector, the man who would gladly give his own life to keep him from harm. There was no safer place in the world for Blair than in Jim's arms.

"Detective Ellison!"

Blair winced in pain as Jim whirled with him to face the owner of the voice. Tyler, a young rookie officer was coming slowly down the hall toward them, flanked by two more uniformed officers. Tyler held his hands up in a gesture of peace as he moved toward Jim and his helpless passenger.

Jim was staring at the three invaders, nostrils flaring with each breath, hair standing on end as he steeled himself up to attack.

{Only the Guide matters.... Protect the Guide.... Destroy the enemy....}

"Detec... Jim," Tyler continued, smiling gently. "Jim, Blair's hurt. He needs a doctor." Tyler paused, holding his men back as Jim growled.

Blair looked up in horror at the animal-like sound emanating from his partner's throat. The Sentinel's eyes were glazed over, pupils retracted to tiny pinpricks. The big man was huffing like a locomotive, and Blair could feel the great heart pounding against his side through the broad chest.

"Jim," Blair began uncertainly. "Jim, I don't understand exactly what's happening to you, but you need to calm down, now, OK?" Blair shifted a little, using the arms around Jim's neck to pull himself up so that they were eye to eye.

"Please Jim.... Listen to Tyler," Blair pleaded. "They aren't going to hurt me. They just want to help us..., JIM!!!" Blair shrieked in alarm as Jim suddenly lowered his head and charged at the three officers.

"Look out!" Tyler warned, pushing his men aside. He turned back to Jim just as the huge head connected with his solar plexus. Tyler gasped for air, clutching his midsection as he sank to the ground. He looked up helplessly as Jim came to stand over him, still carrying Sandburg. Ellison raised a booted foot and prepared to bring it down on Tyler's throat, going for the kill.

"NO, JIM!!!" Blair wailed. In a last desperate attempt to save Tyler, the anthropologist turned his head and sank his teeth into Jim's shoulder. Tears filled his eyes as Jim bellowed in pain. {I'm sorry, big guy!} Blair thought. Then pain ripped through his body as Jim dropped him. Blair winced, biting back a scream as he hit the floor, then stared up in terror as Jim eyes fixed on him in rage.

Jim reached up slowly to grip his shoulder where Blair had bitten him. The rugged face remained blank as Jim lifted his hand to his face, studying the traces of blood. A slow growl built in his chest as he moved toward Blair.

{Hurt.... }

Blair raised an arm to protect himself as Ellison towered over him. He'd always been so sure that Jim would never hurt him, but the look of hatred on his friend's face now said otherwise.

{Attack....}

Tyler struggled to his feet, with his men's help, and stared in horror as Ellison stalked to stand over Sandburg. The young man was cringing in horror, trying to scramble backwards. His sneakers squeaked on the linoleum floor, one bloodied hand clutching at the wound in his belly.

"Jim...," Blair gasped, as Ellison approached him. "Jim, please.... I'm sorry!" Blair covered his head with his hands and curled into a ball, crying out in terror as Jim grabbed his shoulders.

{Destroy.... }

"Come on!" Tyler shouted, charging.

Blair opened his eyes to see Jim's face inches from his own, blank and emotionless. The rough hands moved to Blair's throat. The anthropologist's eyes widened, and he prepared to die. But before Jim could apply pressure, Tyler jumped onto the Sentinel's back.

"Take him down!" Tyler bellowed, clutching at Jim's shoulders a the big man tried to reach back for him. He saw his men moving to grab Jim's arms, and breathed a sigh of relief as they were able to move the huge detective away from Blair.

"Sandburg, run!" shouted Tyler, just as Jim flung him off his back.

Holding a hand to his belly, Blair scrambled to his feet. He leaned heavily against the wall as he lurched down the hall, thanking the Goddess Adrenaline. He was gasping in pain with every step. At the door to the stairwell, he turned back to see Jim tossing off the uniformed officers. The anthropologist winced as Tyler's body was slammed against the wall like a rag doll.

Jim tended to the last of the uniformed officers and straightened. The pain in his shoulder had faded, and thus the urge to kill in self-defense was gone. Now the Sentinel's mind resumed its endless demand.

{Protect the Guide.... Protect the Guide.... Protect the Guide....}

Blair's blood ran cold as Jim's eyes settled upon him. Hurriedly he ducked into the stairwell, and stumbled up the first flight. He had only gotten to the first landing, when the door below him burst open. Blair glanced back over his shoulder, and yelped as he saw Jim barreling up the stairs after him. Blair tried to move faster, and was rewarded with a wave of searing pain that sent him to the floor, writhing in pain.

{Protect....}

The Sentinel closed the distance between himself and his target, and ignored the frightened cries as he scooped the struggling young man up in his arms. The big man stood and looked around, deciding on the best path of escape.

"Jim!" Blair shouted as he was lifted again. "Goddammit, Jim, will you snap out of it?!" He beat feebly against Jim's chest, kicking in a futile attempt to get free. It was a lost cause, he knew it; Jim was far too strong. Plus every motion sent throbs of pain through his body. Blair broke into frustrated tears as Jim carried him up the stairs.

{Protect the Guide.... Escape.... Higher ground...}

"Jim, put me dooown!"

"Tyler!" Simon knelt to help the young officer to his feet. He looked around at the other officers that lay battered, but alive on the floor. Simon nodded at the arriving team of medics, and they got to work on the men.

"Tyler, what happened? Where's Ellison?" Simon demanded.

"Stairwell, " Tyler gasped. "Chasing Blair.... Tried to... kill him...," The young officer's voice trailed off as one of the medics injected him with a sedative.

"Kill him?" Simon asked in horror, turning to Ryf.

Ryf just looked at his Captain, eyes full of concern. "Sir, what's going on here?"

"Damned if I know," Simon muttered. "But I'm beginning to feel that this thing is going to end badly."

"For us, or for Jim?" Ryf asked.

Simon sighed, closing his eyes.

"For everyone."

Huffing, Ellison jogged up another flight of stairs, Blair cradled in his arms. The detective stopped at the landing, spittle running down his chin, mouth open, face red with exertion. He stood unsteadily, teetering a little, gasping for air.

Blair noticed. He'd remained silent and still since Jim had grabbed him the last time, afraid of antagonizing his big friend. But now he had to speak up.

"Jim," Blair said quietly, moving one of his arms from around Jim's neck to gently nudge him in the ribs. "Jim, you need to rest for a moment." Blair winced, hoping his actions wouldn't anger Jim again.

{Escape.... Protect.... Protect....}

"It's OK, there's nobody around now," Blair continued hopefully, watching Jim's face for some sign that he was hearing him. The big man's eyes were vacant, not even aware of Blair's presence, it seemed. "Come on, big guy.... ease down a little.... We're safe."

{Protect.... Protect.... Rest....}

Jim slowly dropped to his knees. Compared to his violent actions of the past thirty minutes, he was surprisingly gentle as he carefully eased Blair from his arms to sit against the wall. Then he straightened, and robotically pulled the gun from the holster on his back, and checked it.

Blair scooted backwards as far as he could as his friend gently placed him on the floor, grimacing as another wave of pain shook him. He looked up at Jim stonily handling the weapon, and was afraid. For the first time since he had met Ellison, Blair was afraid of him. True, he'd been surprised when Jim had slammed him against the wall of his office that first day, but that was just shock. Now he was frightened, truly frightened that Jim would hurt him. He could still feel the fingers at his throat.

Sandburg looked down to check his wound, and sighed. It had begun to bleed badly again, and he could now feel the dizziness associated with blood loss beginning to cloud his mind. He shook his head a bit, trying to clear it, and regretted it as the movement got Jim's attention. The Sentinel replaced the readied gun on his back and knelt, crawling close to Blair. Blair shrank back against the wall in terror.

Ellison leaned close to Blair, looking at the young man's face. There was still none of 'Jim' visible in the stony, haggard face of the detective. Only the primal, prehistoric creature that had carried him off...

{Prehistoric!} Blair gasped as it suddenly sunk in. Jim was a Sentinel, in the anthropologist's own words; a 'Behavioral throwback to an uncivilized breed of man'. Jim's actions began to make sense. Jim had seen that he was in danger, and something had snapped, sending the Sentinel falling back on his most basic primal instincts; to protect.

But no, that didn't make sense, Blair thought. He'd been in danger innumerable times before. Why was this the first time it had happened? Before he could delve further into his theory, Blair jumped as Jim's fingers reached toward him.

{Blood.... Hurt.... Protect....}

"No," Blair whimpered, trying to press himself tighter against the wall. "No, please.... Jim please...."

Jim stared at the bloody smears on his Guide's shirt. With clumsy, trembling fingers, Jim undid the buttons and opened the garment. His sensitive nose twitched at the nearly overpowering smell of blood.

Blair stared, hardly daring to breathe as Jim peeled open his blood-sodden shirt. He tensed as the big fingers brushed lightly across his belly, following the trail of blood up, then paused over the slit of the knife-wound. To Blair's astonishment, a look of intense regret replaced the void on Jim's face, and tears formed in the Sentinel's eyes.

{Hurt.... Blood.... Pain....}

Blair watched big tears begin to roll slowly down Jim's cheeks. The close-cropped head bowed, and Jim's shoulders began to shake as the big man started to cry. Soon he was rocking, hugging his arms around his drawn up knees, keening in misery.

Blair swallowed his fear and reached out to touch his friend's shoulder. He gasped as the big man flinched at the touch. Blair persisted, letting his fingertips rest lightly on the rock-hard muscle of Jim's shoulder. Once the big man seemed accustomed to the contact, Blair began to stroke soft, comforting circle over the shoulder. Jim continued to sob.

"Easy there, buddy," Blair said softly, fighting back tears of his own. How the hell had they gotten into this mess? Despite the agonizing pain wracking him with every movement, Blair slid closer to Jim. When he was near enough, he reached out and gently wrapped his arms around his Sentinel, and held him.

{Pain.... Blood.... Blood....}

{Touch?... Gentle.... Warm....}

"Shhhhh," Blair breathed, reaching one hand to rub the close-cropped head. "Shhh..., there now, everything will be OK." Blair swallowed hard as he felt one of Jim's arms encircle his waist, large hand gently stroking his back. "That's it.... We'll beat this.... We can do this. We can do anything, as long as we're together, right?" Blair smiled as Jim lifted his head to look at him.

There were still no real thoughts going through Ellison's mind. Only the endless driving chant, ordering him to protect his Guide.

Blair studied Jim's face as he continued to hold him. Nothing. The face before him was blank, emotionless except for the last traces of tears. But there had been something there when Jim was examining Blair's injury. That look of guilt and sorrow had been unmistakable. Jim was still in there, somewhere. Blair just had to help him find his way out of the strange mental nightmare he seemed to be trapped within.

"Jim, I know you can hear me," Blair said gently, laying his head on Jim's shoulder. Jim's hand stilled on his back. Blair waited a moment, then continued.

"Do you realize what you've been doing Jim? Do you understand what's happening to you?" Blair lifted his head to look into the glassy blue eyes. He reached up to cup Jim's cheek in his hand, caressing the sharp ridge of Jim's jaw with his thumb. He smiled as Jim's eyelids drooped just a bit.

"You like that don't you?" Blair asked softly, continuing to rub Jim's jaw. He bit down a giggle as Jim tilted his head back slightly, offering his throat. Blair took the invitation and ran his fingers down the sturdy column of Jim's neck. Jim leaned slightly into the caresses.

"You ARE still here, Jim, I know you are," Blair choked as tears threatened again. He continued to stroke his slender fingers up and down Jim's throat. "And I'm going to get us out of this, big guy, I promise." Going with his instincts, Blair cupped Jim's face in his hands and gently kissed the big man's cheek.

"I love you," Blair breathed, leaning to rub his forehead against the spot he'd kissed.

At first, Jim showed no reaction to the kiss. Then, very slowly he lifted his right hand. Blair watched with wide eyes as Jim reached up and brushed his fingertips across his cheek, then across Blair's lips. Ellison turned his head to face Blair and for just an instant, made eye contact.

Blair gasped as Jim looked into his eyes. HIS Jim, not the crazed throwback that had turned the Cascade PD Headquarters on its ear. The blue eyes blinked rapidly a few times, and then the look was gone, replaced again by blankness.

Blair closed his eyes and sat back against the wall. He was about to speak to Jim again, when he felt the Sentinel stiffen. Blair's eyes flew open, and he tensed as Jim quickly scrambled to his feet, apparently sensing something. A moment later, Blair heard the stairwell door two floors below them slam open, and Simon's voice rang out.

"Sandburg? Are you here?"

"Captain! Yeah, I'm here!" Blair tried to scramble to his feet, cried out in pain, and collapsed. Horrified, he saw Jim tense up again, going for the gun strapped to his back.

"No Jim, don't!" Blair cried. "Simon, take cov...!"

The rest of Blair's warning was drowned out by gun fire. Simon ducked under the protection of the metal stairway, pulling Ryf back with him. The Captain winced as the shots echoed painfully in the cramped stairwell, sparking as the bullets struck the metal railings.

Blair screamed up at Jim from the floor, holding his ears. His cries were inaudible over the thundering resonance of the gunshots. Jim's finger jerked on the trigger as he fired blindly in the direction of the intruders.

{Enemy.... Protect the Guide.... Destroy the Enemy....}

Suddenly there was a click, followed by silence; Jim was out of ammo. Blair breathed a great sigh of relief as Jim calmly laid the gun on the floor. Then he cried out again fearfully as Jim lunged for him.

"Let's move out!" Simon hissed at Ryf, realizing that Jim was empty. Sandburg's frightened cry reached their ears. Gun drawn, Simon charged up the stairs, followed closely by Ryf.

{Protect the Guide.... Escape.... Escape....}

Blair threw his arms up to protect himself, closing his eyes as Jim charged toward him. He gasped as Jim's hands slid under him, gathering him up again.

"No Jim, please.... I can't.... I can't go on much longer, buddy," Blair felt a cold rush of dizziness, and knew he was running out of time; he was bleeding to death. He swallowed a sob of despair as Jim scooped him up and prepared to bolt.

"Jim please!" Blair wailed. "Please... put me down.... I don't want to die...," Blair gave up the fight and helplessly wrapped his arms around the muscular neck, pressing his face into Jim's shoulder as the big man turned. Blair lifted his head as Simon and Ryf came around the corner of the stairwell and started up to his and Jim's level.

Simon watched helplessly as Jim fixed them with a contemptuous snarl, before charging up the stairs with Sandburg. The young man's voice echoed in the stairwell.

"No! Please! SIMON!!!! HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!"

"Taggert to Banks. Captain, are you guys all right? We heard the shots!" Back in the bullpen, Joel and Rhonda hovered over the radio, listening for some news.

"We're fine, Joel," came Ryf's voice. "But Jim's given us the slip again!"

Rhonda sighed in relief as Ryf's voice came through on the radio. He sounded safe, for now. She gave a quiet thank you to the ceiling as Banks' voice filtered through again.

"Taggert, tell Brown and his men that Jim is unarmed. He used up his last round trying to keep us away from Blair. Banks out."

Joel looked up at Rhonda as the radio fell silent, then reached up to give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"It'll be OK," he said quietly, smiling.

Ryf watched quietly as Simon slumped against the stairwell wall, then pounded the hard surface with his fist.

{Dammit}, Simon thought. They were running out of time! He'd seen what bad shape Blair was in as Jim carried him up the stairs. He estimated that they had twenty minutes, tops, to rescue the kid and get him to the medics before it was too late.

"We're not going to make it, are we sir?" Ryf was looking sadly at his Captain. "Blair's going to die, isn't he?" The young man's voice held a note of defeat as he watched the look of regret pass over Simon's face.

"I just don't know, Ryf," Simon replied. He shook his head in frustration. "I don't know what to do! Jim won't let us get close enough to help him, and I...."

"Sir?" Ryf prompted.

Banks sighed. "I hate to do it, but...," Simon lifted his radio to his lips and spoke. "Attention all officers. If you come into contact with Ellison again, do what you can to get Sandburg away from him peacefully. But if you can't...," Simon took a deep breath, closing his eyes. Ryf laid a hand on his shoulder.

"If you can't get Ellison to release Sandburg, then... use whatever force is necessary. I am authorizing you to shoot, only if you have to." Simon let the radio drop from his suddenly-limp hand.

Ryf grabbed the radio while keeping a steadying hand on his Captain's shoulder. "Sir, you've just given the order to shoot one of your own officers," he pointed out gently. He drew back a little as Simon's eyes opened and fixed him with a look of anguish.

"Don't you think I know that?" Simon asked sharply. "Jim is my best friend, Ryf," he sighed. "That wasn't an order I gave lightly." Simon turned away from the younger man to head up the stairs, following the trail of Blair's blood.

Ryf ran to keep up, pocketing the radio. "I'm sorry sir, I just...,"

"Please, not now, OK?" Simon pleaded over his shoulder. "At least this way we'll have a chance to save one of them."

"I don't understand," Ryf began.

"If we take Ellison out, we can at least save Blair," Simon explained. "If we don't, Blair will bleed to death, and when Jim realizes what he's done, he'll put a bullet in his own brain. I guarantee you."

Ryf stopped on the stairway as the reality hit him. "My God, you're right," he whispered. "I hadn't thought about it that way." He moved in step behind Banks again.

"Yeah, well," Banks replied, "You don't know them like I do. Their relationship goes much deeper than simply being partners. They're connected, somehow. And if Blair dies, then Jim will...." Simon suddenly trailed off and stopped short on the stairs.

Ryf ran into his Captain. "Captain? What is it?" he asked, concerned.

Simon's eyes were wide, jaw hanging slack. Ryf reached out and shook his arm a little, trying to snap him out of it.

"Captain? Simon? Please, what's wrong?" Ryf was beginning to get worried. He was about to use the radio to call for help, when Simon seemed to remember where he was. He snatched the radio from Ryf's hand and spoke into it again, voice full of confidence.

"This is Captain Banks again, belay that last order. Do not, I repeat, do NOT use deadly force to stop Ellison. Brown, get your men up to meet me at the roof, NOW! And bring the medics!" Simon smiled as he handed the radio back to Ryf.

"Come on Ryf, I think I've got the answer!"

Blair was losing consciousness. His arms no longer had the strength to wrap around Jim's neck. He slumped bonelessly in the Sentinel's arms now, face pressed into Jim's left pectoral, arms dangling limply. His numb mind was only mildly concerned by the sudden lack of pain. Everything was growing dim, sounds becoming fainter, colors less vibrant. He was dying.

{Protect.... Higher Ground.... Safety....}

Jim's mind still continued to rant the unending, instinctual commands to protect his Guide. If the real 'Jim' were in control, he would be horrified by his behavior. He had assaulted fellow officers, fired upon his Captain, among others, and had for all intents and purposes kidnapped his own partner. Now Blair lay unconscious in his arms, and soon Jim would find himself an accessory to manslaughter.

{Protect.... Higher ground....}

Jim kicked the heavy door to the roof open and strode through. He crossed the cement surface, turning in a slow circle to survey his surroundings. A slight grin of satisfaction spread across his dull face.

{Higher ground.... Safety.... Safety....}

Simon and Ryf reached the landing below the final flight of stairs leading to the roof. Simon turned and held a finger to his lips, indicating for Ryf to be quiet. The Captain slowly crept up the stairs, pressed tight to the wall, approaching the open door. He looked out across the roof, then turned to motion to Ryf.

Brown and his two flanking officers came running up the stairs, and stopped short as Ryf waved at them to be quiet. One by one, they moved up the stairs, following Simon out onto the roof.

Jim froze as he detected another presence. He whirled, and snarled at the sight of the group of people emerging from the door. His heart began to race, anticipating a fight.

{Protect the Guide.... Destroy the enemy....}

Simon gathered his men together, keeping an eye on Jim. A sound behind him made him turn, and he breathed a sigh of relief as the team of four medics came through the door. As quickly and simply as he could, Simon explained his theory, and his plan of action, then instructed his group to move out.

Brown placed his men strategically between Ellison and the door. While they had Jim cornered on the roof, they had a chance of getting Blair away from him in time to save the young man. But if they lost Jim down in the maze of the building again, Blair would most certainly die.

Ryf watched as Brown moved to circle behind Jim, letting Banks and the uniformed officers hold Jim's attention. Ryf moved in the opposite direction, he and Brown stealthily cutting Jim off from any route of escape.

"OK," Banks said quietly into his radio, "Brown, try and get Jim to put the kid down."

Brown nodded as the Captain's order came through the headset, and moved slowly toward Ellison. His eyes were almost magnetically drawn to the ghostly pale face of Sandburg as he lay limply in the big detective’s arms.

"OK, Hair-Boy, " Brown breathed, "You just hang in there, now." Brown tensed as Jim suddenly turned to glare at him.

{Enemy.... Enemy.... Destroy....}

Blair's arms swung loosely as Jim took two threatening steps toward Brown. The young man's head was arched back, neck bent at a painful-looking angle over Jim's arm. His legs dangled limply over the other arm.

Jim let out a low, warning snarl as Brown took another step toward him and his Guide. All of Jim's protective instincts kicked into overdrive, and he moved to do battle.

Brown drew his gun and pointed it at Jim, trying to keep his hands from shaking. "Oh God, please don't make me have to shoot him," he prayed quietly.

Ellison paused at the sight of the gun, apparently weighing out his options. The glassy eyes lowered to study the limp cargo draped in his arms. Then, everyone on the roof held their collective breath as Jim slowly knelt and laid Blair's limp form out on the concrete surface of the roof.

"Yes!" Simon hissed, clenching his fist in victory. He turned and motioned to the medics standing at his shoulder. "Now, let's move!" he ordered.

Jim stalked toward Brown, head down, glaring at the smaller man from beneath his eyebrows. Brown shuddered as the detective actually bared his teeth at him. His finger tightened ever so slightly on the trigger.

Making sure Jim's attention was focused on Brown, Simon and the medics hovered over Blair's inert form. The team quickly worked over the young man as Jim continued to move away.

Brown felt a presence at his elbow, and turned his head very slightly. He breathed a sigh of relief as Ryf came to stand beside him, his own gun raised. Jim was coming closer, clenching and unclenching his fists, as if imagining someone's neck in his grasp.

{Destroy the enemy....}

"You OK?" Ryf asked his partner.

"Not really," Brown replied. "What if it doesn't work, man? What if we have to shoot him?"

"We won't," Ryf said, as he saw the head medic lift his head.

{Kill....}

Jim reared up, raising his fists, preparing to charge at the intruders

{Protect the Guide....}

At that moment, the head medic straightened, and looked toward the menacing figure of Jim Ellison. Looking down at Blair, she took a deep breath, and let her voice resonated across the roof.

"He's dead."

Jim froze in mid-stride. Ryf and Brown became statues, watching breathlessly as the big man slowly lowered his arms to his side, a look of bewilderment coming over the rugged face.

{Dead...? The Guide is... dead...? }

Brown lowered his gun as Ellison turned away from him, and headed toward the tiny knot of people crowded around Blair's lifeless form.

{Dead....}

Jim moved slowly across the roof toward his Guide. He stopped a few feet from the group of people, teetering slightly as his adrenaline high began to wear off. His eyes moved to each of the sorrowful faces looking up at him before settling on Blair.

The young man's face was serene, blank. His long, dark lashes were motionless on the pale cheeks. Blair's full lips, rarely seen without a smile on them, were now pale and limp. The rounded brow was faintly furrowed, a reminder of the pain in which Blair had died. He looked so peaceful, as if he were only sleeping. But he wasn't sleeping. He was dead. Blair was dead. Jim took an unsteady step back, slowly shaking his head in denial.

{Dead....}

Jim's blank face slowly shifted into a mask of misery. He turned away from the sight of his dead Guide, and moved purposefully toward the edge of the roof.

{The Sentinel has failed....}

Jim was unaware of the voices calling out to him as he stepped up onto the narrow ledge at the edge of the roof. He looked down at the street, far below. It would be quick and painless, not that it mattered anymore....

{I failed.... I must.... }

Brown and Ryf ran toward Jim, calling out to him not to jump, not to do it. As they reached Jim's side, Ryf took hold of his sleeve to try and pull him back form the edge.

{die....}

Jim stepped off the roof.

"Ungh!" Ryf bellowed as his shoulder was dislocated, Jim's weight pulling him halfway over the edge. But he didn't let go of Jim's sleeve. Brown grabbed hold of Jim's upper arm with one hand, and Ryf's belt with the other, using his own weight to keep his slighter partner from being pulled to his death. Brown's headset tumbled off to smash on the street, far, far below.

Jim hung like deadweight, not making a move to try and save himself. He could still hear people shouting to him, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Blair was gone. His beautiful, lively, wonderful friend and partner, the person who meant more to him than anything, his reason for living, was gone forever. And it was his fault. Jim looked up with disinterest as a hand closed over his. Brown had wrapped his fingers around Jim's wrist.

"Jim!" Brown cried, still clinging to Ryf with one hand. His partner was moaning as his damaged shoulder was strained. Brown squeezed his fingers tightly around Ellison's wrist. "Jim! I can't hold you! Reach up your other hand, buddy!"

Jim just stared up at the dark face, hearing, but not caring to obey. He didn't want to be saved. He wanted to die. Jim began to twist his hand, trying to wrench free of Brown and Ryf's hold on him.

"Ohhhhh Jesus!" Ryf wailed, feeling the tendons in his shoulder grinding painfully. "Brown, I can't hold on much longer!" Ryf tried to keep his grip of iron on Jim's sleeve, but he could feel the fabric slipping away as his hand went numb. His shoulder was on fire.

"Hang on, man, hang on!" Brown urged his partner. There was no way he could hold Jim by himself. The big detective still showed no interest in being pulled to safety. Brown called back over his shoulder.

"Captain! We're losing him!"

Ryf closed his eyes, and gritted his teeth as his shoulder separated another millimeter or two. Looked like he was going to be married wearing a sling.

"Let me go!"

Brown and Ryf both stared down as Jim spoke. It was the first understandable thing to leave Ellison’s lips since the whole thing had begun.

"I said... let me go... dammit!" Jim cried, voice cracking with emotion as he tried to get free of Brown and Ryf's grip on his arm.

"No, Jim! Come on, hang on," Ryf ground out through his pain, "Let us help you!" He winced as he felt his hold on Jim's shirt loosening. His entire lower arm was numb, now.

"No... just let me fall," Jim wailed. "He's dead! I killed him! I killed Blair! LET ME DIE!!!!"

Brown shook his head. "No you didn't, Jim!"

"Yes! Yes, he's dead... because of... me!" Ellison stopped struggling and just hung limply, trembling as the sorrow racked his body. "I deserve to die," he whimpered softly.

"Jim, he's alive!" Simon's voice rang out.

Jim shook his head, "No, you're trying to trick me! It's not going to work Captain!" Jim closed his eyes, trying to erase the image of his friend lying dead on the roof. {Oh Blair... I'm sorry....}

"No, Jim!" Ryf called down. "We just told you... he was dead... so that...," Ryf's voice trailed off; he was in too much pain to continue.

Brown jumped in. "We told you he was dead to try and snap you out of it! Simon...,"

"Liars!" Jim screamed, trying again to wrench free, willing gravity to take him. "I don't believe you! I...,"

"J... Jim?"

Ellison's head snapped up. That voice...,

"Jim.... It's all right....," Blair's voice drifted down like music. "Please, Jim.... Don't leave me alone, man...."

Jim looked up into the eyes of his Captain. Simon was standing at the edge of the roof, with a weak, pale, but very much alive Blair cradled in his arms.

"Blair...," Jim breathed.

Blair smiled feebly down at his partner. "Come back to me, big guy," he said softly.

Brown smiled down at Ellison. "Come on, Jimbo," he let go of Ryf's belt and reached down his free hand. "Let us help you, buddy."

Jim slowly stretched his free hand up and grasped Brown's wrist. Ryf reached down with his other hand and grabbed Jim's forearm. Slowly they hauled the detective up the side of the building, Jim using his feet to scramble up. With one final tug, Jim cleared the railing and he, Brown and Ryf collapsed into a pile on the roof.

"Welcome back, man," Ryf murmured from the bottom of the heap, patting Jim on the back as the detective rolled off of him. He closed his eyes and moaned as his numb arm began to re-awaken, pain receptors flaring to life all over again. He didn't argue as Brown helped him to his feet, helping to hold the damaged limb against the smaller man's chest.

Jim lay on the roof on his back staring up Simon and Blair. Slowly, he got to his feet and stepped forward. Suddenly realizing all the trouble he'd caused, the Sentinel looked at he ground, ashamed, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Captain," he began softly.

"Save it, detective," Simon said kindly, smiling a little. "We'll deal with it later. Right now you have more important things to worry about." Simon stepped forward, angling his head down to indicate Blair.

Jim reached out, and gave a sigh of relief as Simon gently laid Blair in his arms. The young man was pale and trembling, blue eyes wide, tight, white bandages around his belly. But he was alive, and safe. Jim felt his throat tightening, and closed his eyes as Blair reached up to hug his neck.

Blair clung tightly to Jim, disregarding the pain the motion caused, and whispered into his ear, "I love you, Jim."

Jim buried his face in Blair's hair and began to sob. He dropped to his knees, hugging Blair to his chest, rocking slowly back and forth. He was vaguely aware of Simon guiding the others away, and was grateful for the privacy.

Blair clung to his Blessed Protector, slender hands clutching at the huge shoulders. As Jim gently tilted him back, Blair tried to speak, but couldn't as Jim began covering his face with desperate kisses.

Jim whimpered in his throat as he placed kiss after kiss on his beloved's sweet face, as if devouring him. His tears continued to flow, and his lips detected wetness seeping from Blair's eyes as well.

"I love you...," Jim said softly, between kisses, "I love you... so much... baby...."

"You too... big guy...." Blair managed to gasp, trying to return the kisses.

Jim sobbed again, rubbing his cheek against Blair's sweaty brow. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, I almost killed...," Jim began.

Blair moved one hand to gently cover Jim's lips. "Shhhh," he breathed, "Don't talk about it, it's over. It doesn't matter now," Blair glanced around as Simon and the medics approached, this time with a stretcher. The young man wrapped his arms around Jim again and pressed his face into the broad chest. "All that matters now is that I love you, Jim Ellison."

Jim closed his eyes as he felt the medics take hold of Blair. He clung to the slight body for a moment, then allowed the medics to take Blair from his arms and ease him onto the stretcher. Jim quickly stood, and tried to take hold of one corner, but was stopped by Simon's hand on his shoulder.

"Hold on there, detective," Simon said gently. He watched Jim's eyes follow the stretcher as the medics carried Blair away. Tears continued to flow from the Sentinel's eyes.

"My God, Simon," Jim whispered. "Do you realize what could have happened...,"

"I do, Jim. I do," Simon replied, putting an arm around the smaller man's shoulders. He began to guide Jim back toward the head medic. "But it didn't."

"Only because you stopped me," Jim said, burying his face in his hands. "Oh God, Simon.... He could've died...," Jim broke off into sobs again. His body relaxed as he felt his Captain wrapping his arms around him.

"Easy now, buddy.... Just relax, now.... JIM!" Simon yelped in alarm as Ellison promptly collapsed. "I need a medic over here!" the Captain called desperately, lowering Jim's limp body to the ground. "I need help here, NOW!"

Blair wasn't in his own bed. That was the first thing he was aware of as he slowly awoke. The next thing he was aware of was a nasty ache in his abdomen. He shifted a little, trying to pinpoint the reason for the pain, and felt a rough hand on his brow. The warm fingers gently stroked him, brushing the hair back from his face as he opened his eyes. The flesh colored blur before him solidified into the face of his Blessed Protector.

"Jim," Blair breathed, a faint smile crossing his lips. He reached up, and his fingers were instantly engulfed by Jim's large hand. Blair looked around, and saw he was in a hospital. Everything came back to him in a rush.

"Hi there, Chief," Jim said softly, running his thumb over the back of Blair's hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," Blair answered. "Am I all right?"

Jim nodded. "You're fine, kid. Just fine. The doctors said the wound was easy to close. All they needed to do was to give you a transfusion and stitch you up a little. They said you can come home tomorrow." Jim smiled.

"Glad to hear it," Blair murmured sleepily. He smiled as Jim's fingers moved to his brow again. "Are you OK, man? You don't look so good," Blair said, noting the worn, haggard look on his friend's face. He was surprised as Jim actually chuckled a little.

"Am {I} OK," Jim muttered in disbelief. "You're amazing, Blair. Absolutely amazing." When Blair just looked at him, Jim replied. "Yes, I'm fine, Chief. Doctor said there isn't any permanent damage."

Blair nodded, then asked quietly, "They know what happened, then?"

Jim nodded. "They did some tests, and found some residual traces of that stimulant on my jacket," he explained. "They said it looked like the stuff caused some kind of mental overload when it got into my system. Everything I was feeling became intensified, magnified, you know?"

Blair nodded, smiling. "I figured it had to be something like that," he replied. "The Blessed Protector mode taken to the extreme," he moaned a little, trying to sit up. "I'm sure your heightened senses didn't help any, either."

"You're not kidding." Jim reached for the controls to the hospital bed, and raised Blair's upper body to a more comfortable position. He reached out and laid his hand on the smooth forehead again as he said, "We owe Simon, big time."

"Mmm," Blair nodded. "Guess he saved both our lives, didn't he?"

"He sure did, Chief," Jim agreed. "I hate to think of what would've happened if he hadn't been there." Jim said softly. Simon had understood what Jim was going through while affected by the drugs, that he was driven to protect Blair at all costs. The Captain has realized that if Blair died, or appeared to die, then Jim's uncontrollable need to protect him would end.

Afterwards, Simon had confessed that he never expected Jim to react quite the way he did, suicidal. The Captain had chastised himself for not thinking things out more clearly. Jim had stopped him, pointing out that it hadn't been for him, he and Blair would most likely both be dead now.

Blair's voice pulled Jim out of his memories.

"How much do you remember?" Blair asked softly, lust for knowledge kicking in again.

"All of it, Chief." Jim closed his eyes with a shudder. "Plain as day." Jim looked into Blair's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Chief. For everything." He squeezed Blair's fingers, remorse etched on his chiseled face.

Blair waved a dismissive hand. "Jim, come on. We both know you weren't exactly in control of your actions." He sighed. "I'm sure nobody blames you, no more than they blamed me for the Golden, right?" Blair grinned as Jim nodded in agreement.

"Ok, I see your point," Jim replied. "So I guess we're even now, eh? We've both tried to kill each other while wigged out on illegal substances." Jim chuckled as Blair snorted at him.

"Someone may start to question Simon's leadership abilities, if this shit keeps up," Blair laughed. Then he groaned as another pain hit him. He pushed down the sheet to study his belly.

Jim reached over and helped lift Blair's nightshirt out of the way. He ran a fingertip gently across the area above the bandage covering Blair's stitches, and smiled as Blair's belly twitched.

"Watch it, I'm ticklish," Blair warned.

"Yeah?" Jim asked, interested. He stroked his fingertips over Blair's belly-button, an 'outie', he noticed, and smiled as Blair started to giggle.

"Quit it, man!" Blair ordered, trying to stop giggling.

"Or what?" Jim teased, walking his fingers slowly up and down Blair's tummy, avoiding the injury.

Blair tried to push Jim's fingers away as they crawled across his sensitive skin. "OR... you'll make me tear my stitches, and they won't let me go home tomorrow!" He grinned smugly as Jim quickly took his hand away.

"OK, you win," Jim relented. Then he leaned forward and bobbed his eyebrows. "For now," he added, in a sinister voice.

Blair took a deep breath, and sighed. He looked at Jim for a moment, then looked down at his hands in his lap. He pulled the sheet back over his body, and began to thoughtfully twist one corner of it between his fingers.

Jim watched the nervous action with curiosity. "Blair? What's wrong?" he asked, in concern.

Blair sighed, and looked deeply into Jim's eyes. He bit his lip for a moment before answering.

"Jim...," he began softly, hesitantly. "Jim... you said that the drug amplified your feelings... right?" Blair paused, waiting for confirmation, reluctant about what he had to ask.

Jim nodded uneasily, trying to decipher what was going through his Guide's mind. "That's right, Chief. Why?" he asked.

"So... something that you only feel on a... SUBCONSCIOUS level... would turn into an overwhelming, uncontrollable urge, yes?" Blair looked at his hands again, afraid to meet Jim's eyes.

"Go on," Jim prodded gently, nodding.

Blair swallowed hard before gazing into Jim's eyes again. "I was... I was just wondering. Did that include what you were feeling when.... When you were.... When you said.... You know, on the roof...,"

"When I told you I loved you?" Jim finished.

Blair nodded, blue eyes wide with hope.

Jim leaned forward. Very slowly, he reached up to cup Blair's face in his hands. He paused for a long moment, just gazing into the beautiful blue eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low, warm, and full of love.

"If so, then we have a problem, Chief," Jim said, brushing his thumbs across Blair's cheekbones. He moved his face slowly toward Blair's.

"What's that?" Blair breathed, his eyes drifting shut as his and Jim's faces came closer together. He could feel Jim breathing against his lips.

"Because," Jim whispered, "It means that not only is the drug still affecting me..., but it's getting worse," Jim gently pressed his lips to Blair's.

Blair inhaled sharply through his nose as Jim's lips closed over his own. He moved his hands up to wrap around Jim's neck as he let his lips part, inviting Jim's tongue in to explore.

Jim took the invitation, letting his tongue sweep slowly through the sweet cavern of Blair's mouth. He nibbled gently on the full bottom lip, moaning a little as he felt the slender hands move up to weave through his close-cropped hair. Jim's hands drifted down to Blair's shoulders, gently squeezing the muscles through the thin nightshirt.

Blair licked at Jim's mouth, sucking and gently nipping on the sensitive little nub at the center of the upper lip. He smiled as he heard Jim moan, and the big arms moved to encircle his waist. After another minute, Blair broke the kiss, and leaned forward in Jim's arms to lay his head on the strong shoulder.

Jim held Blair to him, rubbing his hands up and down the warm back, memorizing the contours of Blair's body. He moved one hand to weave gently through the dark curls on the back of Blair's head, and heard his love's little sigh of contentment.

Blair closed his eyes, soaking up the warmth of Jim's body. Jim smelled good; manly, but not sweaty. No cologne or aftershave to distract from the simple smell of a male body. Blair breathed deeply, inhaling his big friend's scent, and began to drift off to sleep.

Jim held Blair close, and smiled as he heard the little snore against his ear, and felt Blair's arms begin to go limp. Gently, slowly, Jim eased Blair back down onto the bed, carefully cradling his head. He settled the young man, and tugged the sheets up to Blair's chin. He just sat there for a long time, stroking the smooth forehead, watching his beautiful Guide's face lose its lines of fatigue and pain as the young man slipped deeper into sleep.

"Sir? Visiting hours are over, now." The young female nurse's voice was reluctant. She hated to separate these two; they obviously cared very deeply for each other. She gave the big man a little smile, and shrugged apologetically. He smiled back at her before leaning down to kiss the forehead of the young man in the bed.

Jim kissed Blair's brow, and brushed the dark curls back one last time before gathering up his coat and leaving. There was an extra little bounce in Ellison's gait as he walked down the hall, and the dopey grin of a man in love was plastered firmly on his lips. He loved Blair Sandburg, and Blair loved him back.

Life was good.

"That was some reception, man!" Blair said happily as he dried the last of the dishes. He and Jim were in the process of cleaning up the loft after Ryf and Rhonda's wedding reception. The young couple had decided to accept Jim's offer to have the reception at the loft, rather than shelling out big bucks for the use of a dance hall. It had proved to be a great idea. The loft looked beautiful, with little white Christmas lights strung all around. Plus, with all the furniture pushed back against the walls, there was ample room for dancing. The party had lasted into the wee hours of morning, and now Jim was ready for a little one on one time with Blair.

"Didn't Rhonda look beautiful, man?" Blair sighed, straining on tip toe to put away the set of wine glasses. He was a little too small to reach the shelf where they belonged, and smiled as Jim took his waist in his hands and lifted him.

"Yep, Ryf is one lucky guy, eh?" Jim said as Blair replaced the glasses. He lowered the young man to the floor and wrapped his arms around him.

"Not as lucky as me," Blair replied, tilting his head back against Jim's shoulder. He smiled as the warm lips touched his sensitive earlobes.

"Why are you lucky?" Jim whispered.

Blair chuckled. "Fishing for compliments, are we?" he asked, reaching down to rub the arms around him. He sighed as Jim laughed softly behind him.

"Well, let's see," Blair continued thoughtfully. "Why am I lucky? First of all, I've finally been given permanent observer status at the Precinct," he said.

Jim nodded. The Chief had been impressed with Blair's actions during the incident, especially for what he did to protect Tyler. That and the fact that every officer in major crimes had demanded Blair remain a part of the team had convinced the Chief to re-think his earlier decision to dismiss him.

Jim had been very relieved, to say the least, and had agreed with Simon on not telling Blair just how close he had come to losing his observer status. Neither of them saw reason to upset the young man.

Blair was still talking. "Plus, my thesis is coming along like a dream! Thanks to you," Blair punctuated the phrase by turning to kiss Jim on the nose.

"Lastly, and most importantly," Blair added, reaching up to wrap his arms around Jim's neck, "My lover is the best-looking, most courageous, and in general all around greatest guy on the west coast!" Blair smiled, and leaned up to press his lips to Jim's.

Jim kissed him back, then replied slyly, "Oh yeah? Then why are you wasting your time with ME?" He laughed as Blair swatted him on the forehead.

"Wiseass," Blair grumbled. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do," Jim said softly, hugging Blair to his chest. "I can't say I agree with you...," Jim looked down and touched a finger to Blair's lips as the young man tried to object.

Jim replaced the finger with his lips before adding, "But since I'm getting the best of the deal, I'll let it slide." Jim smiled brilliantly as Blair blushed.

They stood together for a long time, just holding each other, relishing the warmth of each other's bodies. Then Blair gave a quick squeeze around Jim's body, and stepped back.

"OK, OK, enough of the mush-fest," Blair said with a grin. He gestured to the loft, with the remains of the reception still strewn about. "Let's get back to work, here."

Jim sighed. "We don't have to do it now, you know," he said, watching Blair cross to the corner for the ladder. He moved to follow, adding, "Why don't we just go to bed, babe? I've been dying to get my hands on you all day."

Blair began dragging the stepladder across the floor. Jim moved quickly to help him, setting it up under one strings of lights they had hung over the front door. As Blair started up the ladder, Jim folded his arms and studied his love's shapely backside.

"Blair, come on," Jim whined. "Leave it until morning.... Please?" He reached up to run a hand over that ass.

Blair giggled, and shifted away. "Watch it, man. You want me to fall off the ladder?" Blair looked down at Jim with a smile.

Jim thought about it. "If it means you'll end up prone on the floor for me to ravish, then yes!" He reached up to grab Blair's bottom again.

"Jiiim," Blair whined, trying to reach the string of lights. He yelped and grabbed the top rung as the ladder was suddenly scraping across the floor. "Hey!" Blair exclaimed.

Jim just laughed, dragging the ladder and Blair out of reach of the lights. "I want to play, Chief," he said, voice all sing-songy.

Blair sighed and looked down at Jim again. His heart fluttered, as it always did, as Ellison ice-blue eyes settled on him in a look of lust. Blair lounged seductively against the ladder, teasing his big lover.

"Come down, baby," Jim pleaded, gently jiggling the ladder.

"And if I don't?" Blair taunted, grinning.

Jim growled. "Then I shall be forced to turn caveman on you again, and carry you off by force!" He smiled as Blair chuckled at the threat.

"Oooh, will you drag me around by my hair?" Blair grinned, running a hand through his locks. He knew the sight on his fingers weaving through his hair made Jim's toes curl. He watched a flush spread quickly up Jim's neck to his face.

"If you're lucky," Jim managed to ground out, trying to tune down the sound of Blair's hair running over the slender fingers.

"Is that what Carolyn did to you, then?" Blair asked innocently, gesturing at Jim's hair, or rather, significant lack thereof.

Jim just looked at Blair blankly, not getting it.

Blair snorted, and turned to move higher on the ladder. Jim was getting slow. He usually didn't take so long to pick up on one of Blair's slants, especially when it concerned his hair....

Jim got it.

"YIKES!" Blair yelped as a hand grabbed the back of his belt and yanked. He fell backwards off the ladder and into Jim's arms. The young man laughed gleefully as Jim growled, and turned to charge up the stairs with him.

Jim barreled up the stairs with his helpless prisoner, Blair laughing all the way. At the top, Jim turned and tossed Blair onto the bed. Then he stripped off his own shirt and launched himself forward with a Tarzan-like yell. He landed on his stomach beside Blair with a grunt, his weight bouncing the smaller man clear off the mattress, and nearly onto the floor.

Blair howled with laughter as he caught air, then crashed onto the mattress again. He lay there, giggling as the bed slowly settled, Jim lying motionless beside him. Then, Jim's hand reached over to settle on Blair's hip. Blair looked down at the hand as it began to slide slowly upward. The rough fingers undid one of the buttons of Blair's shirt, then another, moving upward from the waist.

"Jiiiim," Blair warned.

Nothing but a low, evil chuckle in reply. Jim slowly slid his hand inside the partially-opened shirt.

"Jim.... GAH!!!!" Blair yelped as the fingers inside his shirt exploded into action, tickling circles over his belly. Laughing, Blair tried to turn away onto his side, but Jim grabbed him with his free arm and pulled him back.

Jim spooned up behind his love, holding him fast with an arm around his chest. He moved his other hand to yank Blair's shirt out of his pants, and pushed the fabric up. Blair squealed and tried to curl into a ball as Jim ran his fingers like little spider legs over the soft, warm surface of his tummy. The pealing laughter was music to the Sentinel's ears, and he snickered as Blair tried to capture his hand to stop the attack.

Blair grabbed Jim's wrist with both hands, trying to force the tickling fingers away from their target. He actually succeeded for a moment, until Jim changed his hold on him. Soon, Blair found his hands pinned to his chest, both wrists held fast by one of Jim's large hands. The other hand stopped tickling to reach up and cup Blair's chin. Then the low, soft voice spoke to him, lips brushing Blair's earlobe.

"What do you think you're doing... eh?" Jim muttered into Blair's ear as he restrained his young love. "You don't really think I'm going to let you go so easily, do you?" Jim grinned as Blair chuckled, trying feebly to squirm free of Jim's grasp.

"If you hold still, I might just go easy on you," Jim continued, kissing the side of Blair's neck. The hand on Blair's chin reached down, and Jim began to trace a single fingertip slowly over the smooth skin of Blair's abdomen, right above his waistline.

Blair moaned and sucked his belly in, trying to escape from the roaming finger. He jumped a little, and began giggling again as the hand moved up to his belly button, and the fingertips began to brush across it.

Jim smiled, and kissed the back of Blair's neck as his Guide giggled and squirmed in his grasp. His wandering fingers had found Blair's 'outie', and Jim smiled as he remembered tormenting Blair in the hospital a month ago. He ran his fingertips very lightly back and forth across the soft little nub of skin, knowing that the action would drive his young lover half crazy. Sure enough, he had to tighten his grip on Blair as the young man's laughter intensified, and he began to struggle harder.

"Ohh, you like that, don't you?" Jim murmured against Blair's ear. He wove his fingers through the dark hair on Blair's tummy, eliciting another groan from his captive lover.

"Ohhhhh Jimmmm," Blair moaned as Jim's fingertips continued to tease and explore. He tried to turn in Jim's arms. He wanted to see his lover's face.

Jim felt Blair trying to turn over, and shifted position. He turned Blair onto his back, but kept the young man's wrists pinned to his chest with one hand as he continued to stroke his stomach. He hovered over Blair, smiling down at his beautiful Guide for a long moment before leaning down to capture the full lips in a kiss.

Blair closed his eyes as Jim's lips closed over his own. Their tongues met and did gentle battle, sliding over each other in a graceful dance. Blair felt Jim scrape his teeth lightly across his lip, and he countered by gently sucking on Jim's tongue. Jim's fingers continued to play on his flat belly.

Jim finished up the kiss, and moved Blair's arms to his sides, finally releasing him. Then he reached his free hand up to finish unbuttoning Blair's shirt. He peeled open the shirt, and reached to gently pinch and stroke the little tanned nipples. Blair writhed under him.

Blair arched as Jim's rough fingers caressed his sensitive nipples. His chest began to heave as Jim's hot, wet tongue slid over one nipple, warm fingers pinching and tweaking the other. He felt the muscles in his stomach tighten as his arousal increased.

Jim suckled gently on the nipple between his lips, then began kissing a trail down Blair's body. He touched his lips to Blair's belly-button, the dark hair tickling his nose, before darting his tongue out to lick the sensitive little nub. He smiled as Blair moaned and squirmed beneath him. Jim licked a circle of wet kisses around the navel before moving lower.

"Oh... Gods...," Blair rasped, as he felt Jim's tongue and lips moving down his body, blazing a trail of pleasure. He arched his head back, reaching down to grip the close-cropped head as it neared his groin.

Jim nipped tiny kisses down the line of hair tapering from Blair's navel to the top of his trousers. He undid the fly, and gently tugged the pants and boxers down, pushing them out of the way. He just admired his lover for a few moments, before leaning down and running his tongue lightly over the head of Blair's cock.

"Unnngh!" Blair groaned, arching his hips upward. His body began to gently rock on the bed as Jim deep throated him. Blair came explosively a moment later, and just lay there trembling. Soon, he felt Jim slide up beside him, and obeyed Jim's gentle persuasion to turn onto his side.

Jim spooned up behind Blair, reaching behind him to grab the tube of lubricant from the night stand. Jim swiftly freed himself from his own trousers, and quickly covered his arousal with the lube. He wrapped one arm around his love's slender waist, and pulled the lithe body back against his chest. Lovingly, he rubbed Blair's fuzz-covered chest and tummy as he gently ran his lube covered fingers down the cleft of the young man's ass.

Blair closed his eyes, reaching down to stroke the muscular arm coiled around him as he felt Jim's finger slide into him. He breathed hard through his nose as a second finger followed, scissoring to stretch him, preparing him for Jim. The third finger entered his body, and Blair felt himself growing hard again.

Jim withdrew his fingers and pressed himself forward. He waited a moment to let Blair prepare, then steadily thrust his hips forward, sliding into Blair up to the hilt. He gripped Blair tighter to him as the young man gave a sharp, short gasp.

"It's OK, baby," Jim breathed, beginning to gently pump into the young man. "I love you.... I love you...,"

Blair rocked with Jim, feeling his insides filled with the throbbing heat of his big lover. The hand on his stomach slid downward to gently close around Blair's shaft, and he gasped as Jim began to rub him.

"Oh... Jim... Oh... my... GAWD...yes... yes..," Blair chanted, mindless with pleasure.

"You're mine," Jim growled into Blair's ear, beginning to thrust harder.

"Y... yes.... Forever," Blair gasped in reply.

"I love you... Blair.... I.... Oh... YES!!!" Jim bellowed into Blair's hair as he came, whole body shuddering, his seed filling his lover.

Blair felt Jim climax, and as if in response his own body followed suit. He arched his head back with a muffled scream as he came, exploding over Jim's hand. Then, everything began to slowly ease down, like a carnival ride coming to a stop. Blair lay there limply for a long moment. Then he felt Jim carefully withdrawing from him, and he turned over to be enveloped in the great, loving arms.

Jim held Blair's small body tight against his chest, smiling as he felt their hearts beating in sync, pulses gradually slowing as their bodies recovered. He dropped a tender kiss on the top of Blair's head, and was rewarded by the slender hands reaching around to stroke his broad back.

"I love you, baby," Jim murmured softly, tightening his arms around his lover.

"You too, big guy," Blair whispered.

Sentinel and Guide slowly drifted off to sleep, content, safe, and loved in each other's arms.

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