Archive of Our Own ^beta

Special thanks to my beta readers, boy did they have a lot of work to do!

Author's note: This is the sequel to Crow on the Cradle. I don't know if it would make sense without reading that story but maybe. The title and the song are another welsh lullaby, this one's so traditional there is no author on record. My version is translated from the Welsh (`Ar Hyd Y Nos") by Sir Harold Boulton. This is with thanks to all the other fanfic writers on the list, because half of what I'm writing about I haven't seen. (Like the episode with Lash, or the one with them nearly getting hit by the truck. I'm taking a great deal of inspiration from the drabbles that have appeared lately.... Maybe one day I'll get to see more than four episodes....) "Puma and Rabbit and Toad" and "Bear and Squirrel get the honey" are traditional tales from the Tepoztlan and Washo tribes respectively. The phrase "waiting for the second spin" refers to the return arch of a boomerang, (don't let it hit you in the head), and Goodall's chimps refers to the work of Jane Goodall with Chimpanzees in Africa.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these people UPN and Pet Fly do. Please don't sue me I still only have bills and a cat. And I'm still not getting paid to do this.

All through the Night

by Kaelleigh

Love fear not if sad thy dreaming
All through the night
Though o'ercast bright stars are gleaming
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping
Hill and dale in slumber steeping
I my loved one's watch am keeping
All through the night.

Blair woke, momentarily disorientated. His mind didn't quite know what to make of his surroundings; then exactly where he was registered...Jim's bed...upstairs...

*If I'm in Jim's bed then maybe I wasn't dreaming...Maybe it was real...*

He opened his eyes completely; definitely Jim's bed...and he wasn't wearing any clothes.

*If I'm not dressed and I'm in Jim's bed...maybe I really wasn't dreaming...*

But there was no Jim. Then Blair smelled breakfast cooking downstairs.

He smiled. *He's making breakfast, I'm naked I'm in his bed...Nope...not dreaming...* The smile became a grin.

"Good morning," Jim said from the top of the stairs. "I thought I heard you wake up." He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, wearing a pair of shorts that did not leave a whole lot to the imagination. Not that Blair had to imagine-- he could remember very well what those shorts covered. He smiled again, at the half-achy pleasure that thought brought to mind. "What?" Jim asked,smiling himself.

"I'm in your bed."

Jim just laughed. "Yes."

Blair ducked his head, feeling the embarrassment. "I... just... I mean I thought I'd wake up and find I'd just dreamed..." He stopped as Jim reached over, strong fingers cupping his chin and making him look up.

"No dream this time, Blair. Not for either of us." He smiled teasingly, and then leaned over. The kiss caught Blair by surprise but he sighed and returned it, still not completely convinced it wasn't a dream. "Good morning, lover."

*I'm naked in his bed, he's kissing me good morning and calling me `lover'...is that proof I'm not dreaming or proof that I am...?* "Morning...um...do I smell coffee?"

Jim laughed. "Yes. Panache French Roast. And eggs, and bacon, and toast."

"Now I know I'm dreaming."

"Well, wake up and come downstairs and eat." Jim's expression turned from teasing to something more serious that made Blair shiver in anticipation. "Before I forget I'm hungry for food."

Blair blushed but smiled and nodded. "Okay."

Jim seemed to understand the unspoken request to be left alone for a minute because he just smiled and walked back downstairs. Blair lay there for a moment and gazed up at the ceiling. He kept replaying last night in his mind; wondering how things had changed so much. He'd been trying not to think about Christi or about the whole Rindell case. He'd tried not to remember those three dead little girls he doubted he'd ever forget. And had tried not to think about when he'd been nine. When.... He broke the thought off. Jim had believed him, had told him so with something stronger than words. Blair could remember the sound that knife made as it hit the rail. He shivered. *He said he'd go after him.... He believed me enough to offer that...and then...even after I fell apart... I am never going to understand that man...* He took a deep breath. *How the hell did I miss that he wanted me? Since we met? He said he wanted to kiss me since I kept him from getting hit by that truck...? Even after I fell apart in his arms...He carried my up here...and made love to me...I have got to be dreaming...* It seemed silly, but he did it anyway-- reached over and pinched himself. *Ouch! Definitely not dreaming....Yes!* He got up, noticing that his clothes were now piled together instead of strewn all over the floor. *Man is impossible...* He realized he was still smiling and decided he didn't care. He glanced at the pile of clothes again and just kept smiling.

"Is there enough time for me to take a shower?" Blair asked as walked downstairs.

"If you don't take all..." Jim's voice stopped in mid- sentence. "Jesus Blair..."

"What?" Blair smiled, letting Jim know he knew exactly what had brought on that exclamation. All of his clothes were still in the pile in Jim's room.

"If I burn breakfast, it's your fault."

Blair laughed and went into his room to find clothes. The water in the shower was hot, and he let it pound over him for a bit. *I really woke up in Jim's bed...fell asleep in his bed...in his arms...Man, I must have finally done something right! Maybe I've worked off all my bad karma or something...* He knew the thoughts chattering around in his brain like Goodall's chimps this morning weren't really coherent, but he couldn't find it in him to care, either.

"Hey..." Jim's voice startled him, and he opened his eyes. "If you're going to use all the hot water..." The shower curtain moved and strong arms wrapped around him before he could really think. "I think I've finally figured out how we can both have a hot shower."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...we'll just take one."

Blair laughed, he couldn't help it. "If you think there's going to be any hot water left by the time we share a shower..."

"So we both get some hot water and some cold water...that's fair." Jim's words were mumbled against his throat as the man started to nibble his way to Blair's shoulder.

"What about breakfast?" his voice trailed off.

"I changed my mind on what I wanted for breakfast." Jim's hands slid down his back. "I told you I was going to forget I was hungry for food."

"You did," Blair agreed, not minding in the slightest. *If I have to wake up...ever...let it be in twenty years or so...* He pulled Jim up into a kiss and then under the still steaming water, smiling as Jim's fingers threaded through his hair pulling him closer. Jim was right, breakfast could wait.

Breakfast waited a while, _and_ they ran out of hot water. Jim decided he didn't care about either. "I wanted to make an omelet, but I couldn't figure out what half the vegetables in the fridge were, " he commented as he finally set the scrambled eggs on the table.

"What?" Blair asked, obviously startled.

"What's the scaly green dried corn-on-the-cob looking thing in the refrigerator?" Jim asked.

"Green? Oh man that's a monstera, it's a fruit. It does not go in the refrigerator."

"Never mind, I don't want to know," Jim sighed.

"They're really good. They're from Guatemala...taste almost like custard..." The words broke off as Blair grinned.

"Don't start," Jim smiled back.

"Awww..." Blair smiled a bit more. "You know...I've always hated the next morning scenes...I'm always so damned awkward... How come I don't feel awkward with you?"

"Hmmm...probably because we've done this part of the morning after for months," Jim decided. "Like Mike pointed out, having a roommate is like being married, only without the good parts."

Blair shook his head. "Thanks....I don't know...I'm still half convinced I'm going to wake up any minute."

"Well...I'm glad we're sharing the same dream then, because believe me, I feel the same way. It's Sunday; let's stay in today, just in case we do wake up."

"But I need to get a chicken." Blair smiled.

"There's chicken in the freezer," Jim pointed out.

"Not chicken pieces -- a real chicken, you know, with feathers and stuff."

He could hear the suppressed laughter in Blair's voice and decided to go along with whatever Blair was planning. "Why in the world do you need a chicken? Little early in this relationship to start with stuff like that don't you think?"

Blair smiled a bit more. "You have a dirty mind. The chicken isn't for us. It's for Mukama. You know, the morning after making love for the first time with someone you're supposed to sacrifice a chicken to Mukama."

The best part of the performance, Jim thought, was that Blair said it with a perfectly serious face.

"You want to sacrifice a chicken?" He played along, liking the glint of laughter in Blair's eyes.

"Well, not inside."

"That's something. Sacrificing animals is illegal in Cascade," he pointed out.

"Not if we eat it afterwards; then it's just slaughtering for food." Blair's smile grew wider, and Jim shook his head.

"No chicken."

"But, Jim...."

"No, I'm not in the mood for chicken...Would this god of yours be alright with a cow? Or a pig maybe?" He was proud of himself for keeping his own face serious and the tone mostly conversational.

Blair choked on the sip of coffee he'd just taken. Jim reached over and pounded lightly between his shoulder blades.

"Is that a no?"

"No, and she's a goddess not a god...." Blair shook his head. "I will never learn to read you, damnit... I thought I had you there for a moment."

"That was earlier," Jim pointed out.

The rest of breakfast went much the same way.

"So you won't let me get a chicken?" Blair asked as they put away the dishes.

*Back to that again.* It had become an ongoing joke. "No."

"Well, maybe she'd be satisfied with a pig."

Jim shook his head. "Hey, I will only bend the house rules so far, even today. No sacrificing chickens or pigs or anything else! I made breakfast, let you leave your clothes on my floor, and didn't complain when you spilled coffee all over my patio. That is enough."

Blair sighed, rolling his eyes. "Okay, no sacrificial chickens, " he agreed.

"Or anything else," Jim said firmly.

"Or anything else," Blair agreed, and then smiled, the expression oddly wicked. "Of course that means no more sex."

"What?" Jim tossed the towel onto the counter.

"Man, you have no idea of the bad luck that would cause. I am not going to piss off a deity."

"Really?" *Two can play at this game, Sandburg*

"No way," Blair insisted.

Jim thought for a moment and then reached over to pull the younger man into his arms. "No sex?"

"Nope," Blair smiled.

"How about kisses? Are kisses alright?" He didn't wait for an answer, just kissed the man in his arms. Blair sighed, returning the kiss, sliding his arms around Jim. Kissing him was getting addictive, Jim decided as he slid his tongue lightly over Blair's lips, tasting breakfast and coffee and Blair. Blair returned the kiss, letting their tongues slide against each other, wet velvet and silk.

"Kisses are good." Blair smiled as he finally pulled away, gasping a little.

"Good." Jim smiled back. "How about nibbles?" He licked lightly at Blair's ear, then proceeded to nibble his way down the younger man's throat, liking that taste too. He could feel Blair's pulse, hear it speed up a bit under his lips.

"Ah, well...I suppose that's okay, too..." Blair's hands tightened on his shirt.

"Hmmm." Jim smiled a little, and then, without letting Blair go, pulled him over to the couch. He sat down, pulling Blair down beside him, and kissed him again, finally breaking the kiss with a sigh. "Well, since I can't take you to bed for mind-altering sex, I suppose I'll have to settle for holding you on the couch and being romantic." He ran one hand through Blair's hair, which was still slightly damp.

"Oh yeah..." Blair chuckled. "Is that one of the house rules now?"

"Could be."

"I could live with that one." Blair smiled, and then pushed Jim back to half-lean against the arm of the couch and snuggled closer. "I really never pictured you as a romantic."

"Yeah, well, I haven't had much luck with that lately."

"I noticed that. Which I could not figure out. I mean, you are like a perfect catch, and here none of the women you've dated in the last two years has managed to figure that out. Catch a clue."

Jim smiled, flattered despite himself. "Perfect catch?" he couldn't help but ask. Blair just blushed a little. "Maybe I didn't want to be caught...Maybe none of them were what I really wanted." He lightly ran his fingers down Blair's side, feeling the warmth of his skin through the prickle of the wool weave of his sweater.

"Have you really wanted to kiss me since I kept you from getting hit by that truck?" Blair's voice was soft.

"Definitely," Jim paused. "Maybe it's a good thing you always use up all the hot water...I certainly needed the cold showers."

"You and me both, Jim. You and me both." Blair sighed. "Man, I did not ever think this would happen."

"Neither did I," Jim agreed.

"And you really didn't know that I've been wanting to do this so bad it hurts?" Blair mumbled.

"Definitely not. I would have said something a hell of a lot sooner if I had. I thought I'd dropped just about every clue I could. You're supposed to be a student of human nature, and I'm supposed to be able to sense all these things other people can't. So how come it took us almost two years to realize we both really wanted each other?"

"Hmmm...that's like a dissertation all by itself. I kept thinking you were just comfortable being you...that you didn't know how I was going to take some of what you did..."

"Like on the rig."

"Exactly," Blair agreed. "I admit I wondered for a minute if you really expected me not to look. I did, you know."

"I know. I was thinking, 'okay, maybe he'll realize what I'm not saying here and then...'"

"We got sidetracked by the lady with the gun. Man, when you handed me that towel," he grinned, "I almost died. And then later..." One hand tightened a bit on Jim's shirt. "When you dove off the rig. For a moment...I thought 'what if he doesn't make it? Maybe I should just say something -- now, he'll hear me.' But I didn't."

"I almost did." Jim smiled, covering the hand Blair had on his shirt with his own. "I kept hearing you talking to me, keeping me from losing my concentration... and when I knew you were still on the rig, and I was counting down the seconds. For that last moment...I thought my heart was going to stop."

"Mine almost did," Blair admitted. "One thing about being your partner, at least it hasn't been boring."

"No, definitely not that," Jim agreed. He didn't say anything else for a bit; it was enough to just hold Blair against him and feel the warmth of the other man's body, hear his heart beating steadily against his ribs.

"Jim...?" Blair's voice was soft.

"Yeah, Chief?"

"I keep waiting for the second spin."

"Huh?" He wasn't quite sure what that comment meant, but he felt the tension in the muscles under his hands.

"It means waiting for the other shoe to drop," Blair sighed.

"What other shoe?"

A moment of silence. "Maybe this just feels too good, like it's too perfect."

"I thought the same thing this morning when I woke up and just lay there watching you sleep. `This is too good to be real. He can't really be in my bed. We didn't really spend last night making love.' But so far so good. There aren't any guarantee's, Blair. I wish I had some to give you." He sighed, not quite bitterly. "But if you think for one moment that I'm going to stop loving you anytime before I die, you're wrong. Even when I married Carolyn... it didn't feel like this. Maybe this is genetic too, huh? You're my Guide. Everything just seemed to fit together. What would your nature versus nurture group think about that?"

"Horror...I'm not sure any good behavioral psychologist would even buy the genetically-predisposed-to-defending-the-tribe-idea."

"Well, I do. I know I've been a real bear these last two weeks. But all I could think of the whole time, after finding those little girls dead, was that I wasn't doing my job. What good was being a Sentinel if I let things like this happen?"

Blair sighed. "Man, I thought I did the guilt thing well. Shit happens in life, Jim. Rindell was not your fault."

"Felt like it was." Jim shrugged. "And then...even after he was dead, I could hear her. Trying not to cry, trying not to breathe she was so scared. And there wasn't a thing I could do."

"She's okay Jim..." Suddenly he stopped. "You did tell me that last night, didn't you? I don't think I was really listening."

"Yeah. Home safe, just cold and scared."

"Thank God..." Blair whispered.

Jim took a deep breath. "If you want to tell me, I'll listen."

He could feel Blair tense a little, but there was a smile to the sigh. "I know."

"I won't go hunting him down..." Jim promised.

"I thought you said you would." Blair's voice was a whisper.

"I did." Jim thought for a moment. "If you really wanted me to..." He left the rest unspoken.

"I don't think I ever want you to kill somebody because of me, Jim. I don't think I could live with that."

*Too late, Chief. Not that Lash gave me any choice...But, I think I just might have done it anyway...except that you were alive. If you hadn't been...* He let the thought go, tightening the arm around Blair's shoulders just a little. "Alright then, I won't go hunting him down. Even if part of me really wants to. That isn't really what I was talking about." He took a deep breath. "If you don't tell me, I can't know what not to do," He said finally.

"What?"

"I don't want... to do something that would remind you of him, or frighten you, or..."

"Oh," Blair sighed. "There is nothing you could do Jim, nothing that would frighten me."

"Last night," He started, trying to explain, "when we were out on the balcony and you dropped the mug, and I stopped you from going inside.... for just a moment you were scared. I saw it in your eyes. I never want to scare you, Blair."

"Ah Jim...I wasn't scared of you...well, not in the way you think. I was thinking, 'if he doesn't stop, I'm going to cry, and then I'm going to lose it, and then...'"

Silence for a while. "And then?" Jim prompted, relieved at least to know that Blair wasn't afraid of him.

"It seems like such a stupid thing to be afraid of now."

"What?"

"I was thinking that if I did lose it and cry...and if you found out why..."

"What? What did you think I'd do? You told me you thought I'd believe you."

"I know. And I did. I just thought...I mean, I never thought I'd have a chance with you anyway but..."

"Why would I...? You didn't think I'd be upset with you, did you?" He couldn't keep the disbelief out of his tone.

"No," Blair shook his head a little, "which really surprises me, too. I mean, sometimes _I_ still get upset with me. I guess...it was more like I was afraid that you wouldn't touch me anymore. I mean, just the little things: a hand on my shoulder, or on my back." Another sigh, this one with more bitterness. "People treat you different, when they know..."

Jim thought about that for a moment, and tried to be as honest with Blair as he could be. "Well, I can't say the thought of just wrapping you in cotton and keeping you safe forever didn't occur to me for a moment," he admitted with a shrug. "But that's not fair to either of us. It's not how either of us is," he paused. "All I was asking Blair, is if there's something that you don't want me to do. Any touch, or any...."

"No." Blair sat up slightly looked at him. "Didn't I say I didn't want to talk about this with you?"

"You said that if I ever brought it up while we were in bed, you'd never forgive me," Jim said quietly. "But we aren't," he pointed out.

"No, that's true...It's just..." He broke off for a minute. "I'm no good at this sort of stuff."

"Okay," Jim agreed, lightly running his fingers down Blair's back, as much for his own comfort as for Blair's. "That I can understand. Neither am I." He managed a smile. "Hell, you went first last night, telling me you wanted to be lovers. So, I'll go first now. If... _when_ I have a nightmare, chances are it's about Peru and the crash... or some other Covert Ops job. Do not try and wake me up by touching me. I'm likely to strike back first and then realize it's you, and I don't want to hurt you."

Blair's eyes went wide, obviously surprised, but Jim wasn't sure which part of the admission had gotten that reaction. Then, to Jim's complete confusion, Blair smiled.

"What?"

"I don't know. It's just...you really trust me enough to tell me that?"

"Yes." Jim nodded. "I trust you with my life, Blair." He remembered something Blair had said the night before. "With my life, and my heart, so maybe you're right and trusting you with the rest of me is the easy part...even the scars." He looked away, feeling more than a little embarrassed.

"Argh, guilt," Blair half-muttered, making Jim smile at his tone and easing the knot in his stomach.

"No guilt. I don't believe in guilt. Well, not that kind...just in case work."

Blair rolled his eyes but smiled back. "Okay." He took a deep breath. "Maybe...I understand what you're asking now..."

Jim had expected him to pull away a bit; instead Blair just snuggled up against him again. Feeling very protective, Jim held him close and waited.

"If I'm asleep," the words were soft, "or lying in bed with the lights out, some night when you come home late...." Another pause, and a deep breath that Jim could hear and feel, "turn a light on, or say something before you come to bed. Don't try to be quiet, please. That's all..."

"Alright," Jim agreed, not needing to be told why. Years on the police force had given him more than enough to fill in the blanks. There was silence for a while. Jim thought back a bit, trying to remember any clues he'd missed over the two years.

"I think the only thing that kept me from having a major panic attack that morning the film crew was lying in wait outside the door, was that it was morning," Blair said, as if reading his mind. But it was said with a smile, easing Jim's growing sense of guilt. "That and the fact that for a moment when you leaned over to put your finger against your lips, I thought you were going to kiss me -- which meant I was dreaming, so I didn't have to panic."

Jim smiled back. "It was tempting," he admitted. "More than tempting," tangling his fingers in Blair's hair again with a contented sigh.

Blair chuckled. "I knew I kept my hair long for a reason. I love when you do that."

"What?" Jim smiled, running his fingers through the curls. "That?"

"Yes," Blair agreed. "When I nearly OD'd on Golden that time...and you took the gun away from me, I remember being in your arms, and you had your hand in my hair, like you weren't going to let me go. I kept wanting to float away, but you were talking to me and holding me, so I couldn't."

"I have never been so frightened in my life," Jim growled. "I kept listening to your heart, racing so fast. And I thought I was going to lose you. So I held on, as tight as I dared..." He stopped, realizing he'd done the same right then. His arms were around Blair, holding him as close as he could, one hand tangled tightly in his hair as if someone was going to come along and tear him away. *Mine.*

"Wonder what Simon thought about that." Blair's tone was surprisingly light. Purposefully so, Jim decided.

"I don't know. I didn't really care at the time." He relaxed his hold. "How do you always know what to say?"

"What?" Blair asked, startled.

"I was this close to zoning out right there...or something like it. And now..." He shook his head. "How do you do that?"

"I don't know. I'm always worried I won't know what to say or how to help."

"I can always hear your voice, calling me back. Sometimes it takes a while to realize that I'm hearing it, but I always do." He smiled.

"Really?" The scientist was obviously back at work. "Now that's interesting...Wonder if it's something to do with your senses. Maybe because of the training sessions we've done..."

"Maybe it's just because you're you. And I love you," Jim suggested.

That seemed to startle Blair out of his line of thought. "Well...I can't exactly put that in my thesis, can I?"

"No," Jim said firmly, going back to stroking Blair's hair.

"Hmmm." The sigh sounded happy. "If you keep that up, I'll fall asleep."

"You said that last night. You mean I've finally figured out how to get you to sleep?"

"Frightening thought," Blair agreed. Jim shifted slightly so he was half-lying on the couch, Blair stretched half-over him. "Maybe a nap wouldn't be a bad idea."

"Why's that?" Jim smiled.

"Because we didn't get much sleep last night," Blair pointed out.

"There is that." It was amazing, he thought, how content he felt to stay like that and hold Blair close. They stayed that way for quite a while. "Blair?"

"Hmmm?" The tone was sleepy.

"What about tonight? Are we sleeping tonight?"

"What?" That sounded slightly more awake.

Jim smiled a bit, realizing that both his comments about nightmares and Blair's about not coming to bed without letting him know had taken for granted that they were going to be sleeping in the same bed. "Are we going to be sleeping tonight?" he repeated. "Together, I mean."

"Hmmm. Yes...aren't we?"

"What about the chicken?" he pointed out.

Blair chuckled. "I'm sure...somewhere I can find an appeasement ritual...until I get the chicken."

"Good." Jim smiled some more and then let himself doze off. If he had anything to say about it, they'd be glad for the nap later.

Jim looked up from the report he was trying to read. With Blair standing right behind him and reading over his shoulder it was surprisingly difficult to concentrate. Two choices: focus so hard on the report as to risk zoning on it, or make Blair move. His mind popped up with a third choice; but that was illegal in public, much less in a very public police squad room with people both he and Blair had to work with. The last two weeks had been a real mixture of heaven and hell.

Heaven because he'd finally gotten Blair into his bed without having to find him a live chicken. Blair had, however, found someone who raised chickens. He'd got a lot of feathers, and left them in a basket on the kitchen counter; just to see what Jim would do. Jim had looked at the feathers, looked at Blair, and then asked -- very calmly he thought -- if they were having chicken for dinner. Blair had laughed and then replied that they were having fried chicken, in bed, to celebrate that they could now have sex whenever they felt like it without risking divine wrath. Jim had decided that maybe that was worth the chicken, but Blair had confessed the joke anyway, making Jim smile.

The next day had brought the one week anniversary of the first time they'd made love. Jim smiled to himself at the memory.

He had come home to find the apartment dark, and the only sounds had Blair's heartbeat and breathing from upstairs. Smiling sadly to himself at that act of trust, Jim had walked up the stairs, stopping at the top one. "Blair...?" The gentleness in his own tone had surprised him. "Decide to go to sleep early?"

"No," was the soft reply. Jim had tossed his jacket on the chair, hung his gun by the bed, taken off his shoes -- not bothering with anything else for the moment -- and simply held Blair close. Just the holding had been enough at first, but finally, Blair had turned in his arms and began to undress him, not saying a word. Equally silent, he'd helped Blair out of his own sweats and t-shirt. When he'd pushed the clothes onto the floor, Blair had smiled, that honest, really happy smile Jim had come to cherish in the last week. Jim wasn't really sure why it made Blair feel so good that Jim was willing to leave their clothes on the floor all night, but if it did, he was willing to do it.

Undressed, still not speaking, they had held each other for a while in the darkness. "Blair?" Jim had risked, finally, barely a whisper. Blair's fingers had rested against his lips to halt the words. Then Blair had leaned over and kissed him, lightly, almost chastely, and smiled.

"Help me make the silence sacred again." That and only that, a whisper that Jim could barely hear.

He'd kissed Blair then, deeply, for as long as he could, and as completely. Lips parting, tongues exploring, sliding against each other, sometimes playfully, sometimes not, -- sharing breath and finally having to break apart or pass out.

Jim had kissed his way from Blair's ear to his shoulder, nibbling lightly, and biting only once -- at his collar bone -- hard enough to leave a mark. Earlier that week Blair had teased him about his need to bite, "Marking your territory, huh?" Jim hadn't answered at the time, not because he didn't know, but because he'd wanted to answer unequivocally, "yes!" and he wasn't sure how Blair would react. This time Blair hadn't said anything, but one hand had moved to Jim's head and pulled him closer. *Mine.* He'd continued the kisses, tracing each of Blair's ribs with his tongue. He enjoyed the way the younger man arched under him, shivering, catching his breath in a gasp, the sound loud in Jim's ears in the quiet, like the pulse beneath his lips. Finally, with something bordering on a reverence which surprised him, Jim had taken Blair into his mouth, eliciting a moan, sudden and almost deafening in the night. Jim had smiled and continued, until Blair was panting, as quiet as he could be, but no longer silent. And when the ecstasy had finally torn through him -- filling Jim's mouth and throat with ejaculate, warm and bitter... a taste that Jim had come to recognize as undeniably Blair's-- he'd cried out, just once, Jim's name.

He'd kept swallowing until Blair had pushed him away with a small inhalation that might have been a whimper. Then he'd lay back, and Blair had taken his time, kissing and licking, until Jim could barely think. Then the younger man had opened a bottle of oil smelling of almonds, and oranges, and an odd, almost bitter spice that Jim didn't recognize. It hadn't been hard to figure out that unspoken request. He'd complied with as much gentleness and patience as he had; and for once Blair hadn't complained of being treated like glass; or in this case hadn't silently urged him to a faster or less controlled pace. Holding Blair close, feeling them both begin to lose themselves in that rhythm, Jim had smiled despite wanting to cry at the same time. Jim had been more than willing to partner this dance in reverse; but although Blair had obliged, and they'd both more than enjoyed themselves, he seemed to prefer this. And Jim had no objections. Finally, the pleasure couldn't be denied, and despite every effort to keep balanced on that peak, to keep the union for just that one moment longer...Jim had surrendered to the tide and returned the favor of keeping the cries to only one, and that Blair's name.

They lay there afterward, holding each other, arms and legs entangled. His fingers once again wove themselves into Blair's hair, where they belonged. Lay there in perfect silence, which Blair was right about being sacred, and Blair had given him a piece of paper with two words on it -- a first and a last name -- and said very softly into the magic they had made, "I love you."

Jim could remember clearly Blair's telling him that first night that he wasn't going to cry in bed with him. He didn't, but his eyes were wet, and Jim's were no better. "Love isn't a strong enough word," Jim had replied. Blair had smiled, and they had fallen asleep, together. That was what had made the last two weeks heaven.

The hell had come from the fact that the rest of the world wouldn't go away. How to act at work? He *thought_ they were doing a good enough job at not letting anyone know. He had no illusions about his fellow cops' reactions if they found out; they were good guys, but just as in the military there were some things they wouldn't cope with. Simon might understand, and perhaps Mike Jenkins, a few others -- but not the majority, and certainly not the department. Blair had a similar problem, being a teaching fellow. If word got out he'd be in danger of losing his job too. At least he wasn't teaching high school, Blair had pointed out; then he'd really be in trouble. Jim had just agreed. The only good part about dealing with the world at large was that work had been relatively light for the last few weeks, or at least it had been when compared to the preceding two weeks. To use Blair's phrasing, Jim was waiting for the second spin.

"Yes, ma'am, Major crimes is right through that door. Captain Banks is who you probably want to speak to. Detective Ellison's desk is over there." The words from out in the hall caught his attention and pulled him away from the report he still hadn't managed to read. He got up, handing the report to Blair, who looked at him quizzically but took the folder anyway.

One of the uniformed desk officers-- Katz, he remembered her last name--, came in with a young woman of about twenty-five, and a man about the same age. It took Jim a moment to place them, their appearances so different from the distraught parents he'd met just over two weeks ago. Then he caught a glimpse of the little girl standing almost hidden behind her father and smiled.

"Simon..." He started to turn toward the office when his commanding officer walked over.

"Mr. Ingram, Mrs. Ingram, Christi..." Simon smiled as he walked over. Christi clutched at her father's leg with a small catch of breath that caught Jim's heart, and hid her face against her father's waist.

"Christi's... still... shy, but she wanted to come and thank you all. She was also asking about someone named `Blair?'" Mr. Ingram said.

Jim turned back to his desk and then smiled as he saw Blair walking over. "Hey...what's.."

"Blair." The little girl smiled suddenly, and let go of her father's shirt to run over and hug Blair --actually, more of grab onto fiercely.

Blair smiled as well, obviously surprised but happy, and then crouched down to look at Christi. "Hello."

"Mommy and daddy said I could come say thank you."

"Well, I'm glad they did." The smile grew. "It's good to see you."

"Mommy, daddy...this is Blair. He's the one who came and got me."

Jim stood back as Christi's parents walked over. Blair was embarrassed but obviously pleased with the little girl's recitation of the rescue.

"Still can't believe he talked her out of there," Simon said, walking over to stand beside him. "Then again, Sandburg talks all the time, telling stories and the like. Guess it can come in handy." Simon shook his head, and then smiled. "Nice to see the girl happy."

"Yes sir," Jim agreed. He smiled himself as the Ingram's came back over. Simon going to meet the half-way. Christi was still standing with Blair, looking shyly over toward Simon and her parents; who were both keeping half their attention on their daughter. Jim wondered how long it would take for that worry to ease, if it ever would.

"You know Jim and Captain Banks are the ones who really did the work...I just was small enough to crawl after you...I'm sure they'd like to meet you too," Blair said quietly, crouching down again. "If Jim hadn't heard you, I'd have never known where to crawl to find you."

"Like Puma and Rabbit..." Christi smiled, referring to one of the stories Blair had told her.

"Exactly." Blair seemed a little startled. "I can introduce you...." he offered.

Christi bit her lip, and glanced around, registering all the officers and various people standing around. Shaking her head violently, she moved closer to Blair. Jim could hear her heart beat pick up, and her breathing grow shallow and quick.

"Hey...it's alright...These are the good guys..." Blair sighed.

"Scared..."

"I know...But you don't have to be scared here."

"Can you teach me how to do bear magic so I can be big and strong and not scared?" The request was made in such a pleading tone that Jim winced.

"Oh, Christi, everybody gets scared. Even Bear."

"Uh hunh..." The little girl shook her head.

"You think he wasn't scared when all those bees were stinging his nose?"

"Well...maybe...But, you weren't scared..."

"Me?" Blair smiled. "I was terrified. Afraid I'd get stuck, afraid I wouldn't find you..."

Jim could almost hear the unspoken thought. *Afraid of what I'd see when I did find you.*

"Really? But you're the police. The police aren't scared."

*Oh, for that much faith,* Jim thought to himself.

"Well...Police get scared too...See you and me, we've just got to be scared for us. But the police, they have to be worried for everybody-- themselves, their partners, me, you...Sounds pretty scary to me."

Jim just shook his head and heard Simon's surprised comment, "Huh... never thought of it that way."

"I guess...So they won't mind that I'm scared...? I...tried really hard not to cry."

"Oh..." Blair sighed. "It's alright to be scared, Christi, it's nothing to be ashamed of...You don't have anything to be ashamed of."

Jim wondered, sadly how many times Blair had tried to convince himself of the same thing. *Sometimes I still blame me...* He remembered the admission. They needed to talk about that, but Jim wasn't sure how to bring it up quite yet. Maybe now he had the opening he wanted. *No, you don't have anything to be ashamed of..* He repeated the line to himself.

"That's what Dr. Carol says," Christi agreed. "You think Dr. Carol is right?"

"Definitely," Blair nodded.

"Well..." She bit her lip. "You really think they'd want to meet me?"

"Yes," Blair smiled. "Come on?" He held out one hand as he stood. Jim smiled himself as she took it and walked with Blair back over to where her parents were talking with Simon. Jim walked over as well. "Christi, this is Captain Banks, he's in charge of all the police who came to find you."

"Hello, Captain Banks, sir..." Christi mumbled, moving back over to stand with her parents.

"Hello. Did officer Lambert let you keep the teddy bear?" he asked quietly.

Christi nodded. "I named him Blair."

Jim just grinned at the utter disbelief that crossed Blair's face.

"Well...hope he minds better than his name sake." Simon smiled.

"Um...Christi, this is Jim Ellison..." Blair introduced him.

"Hi," Jim said with a smile.

"Thank you..." she half-whispered.

"What for, Christi?"

"For hearing me hiding. I guess I wasn't hiding very well."

"You were hiding _very_ well," Jim disagreed. "I'm really surprised I realized where you were."

"Really?" For some reason that seemed to make her less shy.

"Really," Jim agreed. Blair met his glance but didn't say anything.

"Okay." She managed a small smile.

"We all wanted to thank you officers..." Mrs. Ingram smiled. "You especially," she directed that at Blair. "Thank you for getting her out of there."

Blair shrugged. "It was nice to be glad I was short for once."

"Well, if we had anything to say about it, Captain you people would all get medals," Mr. Ingram said firmly. "There's never going to be a way for us to thank you enough for finding our daughter."

"I've got a son of my own, Mr. Ingram. And you just did," Simon disagreed.

"Oh...I was wondering if you knew where I could get a copy of the book you got those stories from. Christi would love it." Mrs. Ingram glanced over at Blair.

"Um...I'm not sure if they're in any book. I picked them up from a Tepoztlan indian I knew for a while. I'll find out for you though."

"Oh, thank you. That would be wonderful," she nodded. Christi waved at Blair as they left.

"So, how's it feel to be the hero for once?" Jim asked him.

"Me?" Blair shook his head. "No way, Jim. That's your job. I'm just the observer, remember?"

"Not this time, Chief."

"So are we going to go check out that store?" Blair grabbed his jacket from Jim's desk.

*Store?* Jim thought to himself, and wondered what else was in the report he hadn't managed to read. He'd just take it with him. "Sure..." He agreed, and reached for the file, his fingers brushing over Blair's as they both found the objects they wanted. "I was proud of you today, Chief..." He met Blair's eyes as he straightened.

Blair smiled as they left the squad room and whispered, so softly that even Jim had trouble hearing the words, "Yeah, I love you too."

For right then, it was enough

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