by Tirinar
---

In 1965, the bravest writers alive
Were those from the Paramount Clan.
Now with Voyager in tow
It's to Fan Fiction we go;
Tom and Harry in another man to man.

Warning!! This is Slash, I.E. Male/Male. If you don't like that, don't read. That simple, really!! I consider this PG-13 at the most.

Many thanks to Paramount for the loan of Tom and Harry, albeit they don't know. They're more than likely going to be upset when they find them missing, but I promise to replace them when I've finished messing with their heads. Many thanks to Elton John for the loan of his song "Sorry seems to be the Hardest Word." Though the lyrics used in this story are not necessarily in order.

Many thanks to Draco and Mr Parker for their constant encouragement in my writing. Though I don't think that this is what he had in mind...

Jeannie, KMS, thanks for reading through this for me!! And for your encouragement in my work. This one's for you guyz. Thanks everyone!

This is my first effort in Fan Fiction, so feedback is much appreciated. My future writing rests in your hands, so be gentle. Please?

---

What have I gotta do to make you want me?
What have I gotta do to be heard?
What do I say when its all over?
And Sorry seems to be the Hardest Word

---

"You what?"

Harry jumped back from Tom, unable to believe his ears. Tom looked worriedly at Harry, who was edging towards the door.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. Then he whispered

"I had to tell you before I went crazy."

Harry shook his head, unable to believe what Tom had just told him.

"I love you."

Tom's words played over and over in his head. He glanced from Tom to the door, almost afraid that Tom was going to jump him at any moment.

"Its okay, don't worry. I'm not going to attack you if that's what you're scared of."

Tom smiled warmly at Harry. A little too warmly.

"I have... I have to go."

He backed out of the room through the door, then turned on his heel and walked swiftly down the corridor, not daring to look back. He forced himself to stay calm, mentally reciting the function of each button on his bridge panel. And didn't stop until he reached his quarters, his home and sanctuary for the past 3 years. It seemed an eternity before the door hissed open, then closed behind him.

Tom watched him go. He shook him head sadly. Well Tom, he thought. There goes the best friend you'll ever have. He cradled his head in his hands, slumped further into the sofa cushions and thought about the chain of events leading to that moment.

It had started in the Chute, he guessed. He had been arrested and thrown into a jail, which turned out to be a space station. Tom shuddered at the memory; the dark dank walls and the crazed inmates. Prisoners were prisoners wherever you were and all of them wanted a piece of him. A few days later the siren had sounded that the chute was opening again. Tom had arrived on the scene just in time to see Harry Kim, his best friend; Hell, ex best friend, land in a heap at the bottom of it. He was confused, angry and hurt. And Tom, feeling as ever the need to protect him, had staked his claim.

"This ones mine" and every fibre of him said that he meant it.

But you couldn't show weaknesses like friendship in a jail cell. Not if you expected to live long, anyway. So Tom had punched him.

"Next time you hit me, I'm hitting back" Harry had said.

And they had laughed, the relief of being together and for the time being alive evident in their actions and voices.

Their time in that jail was very. . . Tom chose his word carefully. . . revealing. He'd seen a new side to Harry. The tables had turned dramatically. It wasn't Tom protecting Harry, it was Harry protecting Tom, from the moment Tom was stabbed by that other convict. Harry provided for him, defended him against an entire prison full of blood thirsty prisoners. Held him in his arms to soothe him. Never going beyond the bounds of friendship, never taking advantage. Just holding him. Tom remembered. . . Harry was strong for his size and gentle with it. He'd done as much for Tom in that small gesture as he had when he'd yelled at an entire prison full of convicts: "This man is my friend. No one touches him."

And Tom began to see Harry in a new light. He wasn't the green Ensign Tom had met on Deep Space 9 anymore. He didn't need to be protected from Ferengi bearing gifts. He could look after himself, and, it appeared, Tom. So Tom had stopped trying to protect him so much. It had added a new scene to their friendship. And as time passed, Tom realised. He loved Harry Kim.

---

Harry collapsed on his bed, exhausted. His mind was racing and his breathing ragged. He tried to calm himself, using the techniques Tuvok had shown him. Hands clasped and first fingers arched, Harry's breathing slowed and he started to relax. Tom. Loved. Him. Just three words, but they had a devastating effect on him. Tom was his best friend; Voyager's own ladies man. He wasn't serious. He didn't love Harry. Couldn't love Harry. Not like that. Not Tom. It was all a mistake. He'd dreamed it all. Hell, maybe he was still asleep.

Still in uniform, Harry drifted into a light sleep. He lay on his bed, lost in thought. He thought about his time with Tom, the last 3 years of his life. Harry's mouth twitched into a smile as he remembered.

He remembered Tom helping him out of the Ocampan tunnels.

"How can I let down the only friend I got?" Tom'd said.

He remembered double dating with Tom, with the Delaney sisters. That trip to Venice they'd taken on the Holodeck, when Harry had fallen out of the boat. He remembered late night games of pool, in Sandrines, and the time Tom had rigged the table so he could beat Captain Janeway. He remembered when Janeway discovered what he'd done, and the look on Tom's face when he returned from a day of cleaning plasma converters. He remembered how long it had taken Tom to get the green stains off of his fingers.

He remembered their reunion meal with the replicators, hours after returning from the prison. And the times together since then. They'd been much closer. Depended on each other. Harry needed to know Tom was safe and in turn, Tom kept watch over Harry. Such good friends. . . Friend. Was that all Tom wanted now? The surge of panic Harry had felt when Tom had said those 3 words to him now resurfaced and threatened to overwhelm him once again. It wasn't possible. Tom must be ill. Maybe he should see the Doc. . . And on that thought, Harry fell into a dreamless sleep.

---

Harry failed to hear the chime and was startled by one B'Elanna Torres bursting into his room.

"What the hell happened to you?" she asked, spotting his uniform. "I know you're dedicated Starfleet, but sleeping in uniform?" An amused look crossed her face. Harry groaned.

"What time is it?" and hauled himself up out of bed.

"About 7:30" said B'Elanna, and the computer confirmed it. Harry groaned again.

"Half hour and I have to. . ." he looked at B'Elanna.

"Fine, fine, I'll leave. Don't worry Starfleet, I'll wait outside while you change." Harry threw a pillow at her as she disappeared through the door, grinning.

Staggering slightly, Harry washed and changed into a fresh uniform. Determined to forget the nights meeting with Tom until after his shift, he strode through the door and down the corridor, B'Elanna walking with him.

"Computer, time"

"7:39" it responded.

"Time to grab a piece of. . . whatever Neelix has on offer this morning" said B'Elanna, trying to hide the look of dread crossing her face.

"You wanna meet for lunch?" Harry glanced at her, slightly suspicious. B'Elanna was usually too busy with her engines to bother with lunch.

"Okay." He said, though he was still suspicious.

"Good. Then you can tell me what happened that got you this upset."

They entered the mess hall, picked up whatever Neelix had cooked that morning and sat down. Harry's suspicions were confirmed.

"Since when did you turn empathic?" he asked.

"Doesn't take a Betazoid to tell with you, Mr Harry-read me like-"

"- a book Kim" Harry finished, grimacing. B'Elanna laughed.

"What time do you go off duty?" she asked.

"Around 12:30, providing the ship doesn't blow up"

"That doesn't happen while I'm on duty." B'Elanna smirked. Harry raised his hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay just saying..."

He took a bite, chewed, and finding it edible, swallowed. B'Elanna followed suit.

"So what happened?" was on the tip of her tongue, but she had a feeling it should wait till lunch.

"Your quarters or mine?" she said

"Hmm?" was Harry's intelligent reply.

"For lunch? If you think I'm eating Neelix' food on one of my rare lunch breaks..."

"I see your point." Harry said quickly.

"My place, I think."

---

Tom woke up in the blissful state of those who have no memory of previous times. It didn't last more than a few seconds, and Tom recalled everything. His brain went through its morning depression cycle, starting with the usual.

"You're an idiot Tom, you know that?"

This was followed with a quick re-run of his life's greatest moments, starting with his jail sentence. That was closely followed by the rejections of past girlfriends, including a mental image of the Betazoid he'd tried to seduce before he came on board Voyager. Other images followed, the Maquis, Chakotay's deep distrust of him, now forgiven. Being accused of murder and forced to relive his 'victims' last moments. Moments he knew were not true. Leaving Voyager, and the look on Harry's face when he stood on the transporter pad, ready to beam over to the Talaxian freighter. Please, Harry's eyes had said. Don't go. But he'd gone. Seska. The insult of her offer to stay with the Kazon still disgusted him today. How low her opinion was of him, that she expected him to take her up on her offer. Then the slightly less painful, more ego-bruising occurrences. Kidnapping Janeway as a Salamander. Mating with her, and the cryptic comment that followed, in sickbay.

"Sometimes it's the female who initiates mating".

Every other female, crewmember or otherwise, he'd seduced, or attempted to. The Delaney sisters. They'd been happy to go along with Tom so far, but then had refused any offers for a more physical relationship.

And finally it reached him. The whole evening with Harry, his confession, Harry's reaction and the moment of puzzlement that followed Harry's departure. As if he'd expected him to jump straight into his arms, or better yet, his bed. Paris winced.

"Computer, time"

Tom's voice was heavy with sleep, disjointed and slow. His mouth was dry and he felt like sandpaper had been dragged across his tongue. He was also hot and sweating, only now discovering that the covers he'd carelessly thrown on his bed the night before were made of some type of wool. He was not a morning person.

"7:45" came the reply from the computer, the disembodied voice far too loud for that time of morning.

"Damn" he said, and raced for the shower.

---

8:00 came, and Harry arrived on the Bridge, taking his station at Ops. The turbolift doors opened and Tom Paris raced onto the Bridge, obviously just out of the shower. Harry smiled at the thought. Tom smiled back, filled with hope. Maybe. . .

Tom banished that line of thought as quickly as it came. Settling down in the pilot's chair, Tom concentrated on the day ahead. They were navigating through what Tom called 'a dirt track in space'. There were comets chasing the stars across the sky, planets thrown in here and there and a rather large nebula. Not to mention a potentially hostile alien race, though Tuvok had assured Janeway that they posed no threat to Voyager. Still, they would be collecting supplies from one of their moons, and no matter what Tuvok said, they didn't want to get into a fight with this particular race.

Watching from his station at Ops, Harry wondered about what Tom had meant. Love? As in friend, right? Or...? Harry didn't even want to THINK about Or. Love was, well, different. Not something declared openly between two friends. It was built up over years or friendship and trust. Different to friendship. Like the next step. Part of him knew exactly what Tom meant that night. And he didn't want to admit that. It brought up too many difficult questions. Questions Harry didn't have the answers to. Or want to admit them. . .

Shaking his head, his brow creased with thinking, Harry focused on his consul, fiercely running through every diagnostic he could think of. Long range sensors. Short range sensors. Damn you, Tom Paris. Damn you for this. Why'd you have to say it? Internal sensors. Transporters. What did he expect Harry to do? Decide that Tom was in fact right and he was not wholly heterosexual? Confess his undying love for Tom, abandon a life of set patterns and throw himself at him? Comm system. Replicators. Even if Harry and Tom got together, Tom would be out as soon as it got serious. Hold on a mo, where'd THAT come from?

Harry replayed the thought. Even if Harry and Tom got together? What was he thinking? Could he, Harry Kim, be considering a relationship? With Tom Paris?? Before he could think any more, Tom was tapping him on the shoulder, telling him it was time for lunch. He relinquished the Ops station to a crewman and left, striding across the bridge floor and into the turbolift.

"Deck 6" he called.

---

B'Elanna was settled down on the sofa with a fork in her hand and a salad on her lap in front of her when Harry entered his quarters. Her hair was ruffled, and her uniform creased. She did not look happy.

"What happened to you?" Harry asked.

"Vulcans." Harry looked concerned.

"Don't tell me Vorik. . ."

"Nothing that major." She sighed.

"A few power conduits needed re-aligning on deck 4. I went to check it out, to find Vorik'd already done it. In fact he did pretty much every one of them, despite the duty roster. According to him, he'd woken early, finished his lot and just done whatever needed doing. I spent the morning crawling through jeffries tubes for no reason!"

Harry laughed, despite is own problems. He hoped B'Elanna had forgotten the reason for their little talk. No such luck.

"So what happened last night?"

"Mmph?" Harry had his mouth full of coffee.

B'Elanna waited, chewing slowly on the salad she'd replicated before Harry's arrival.

"Tom and I had a disagreement. Nothing major..."

"Of course not." B'Elanna's tone was slightly mocking, and very matter of fact.

"You fell asleep in your uniform because you wanted to, not because you were thinking about whatever it is one of you said or did."

Harry sighed in exasperation.

"B'Elanna..."

"Harry, We've known each other long enough to know we can trust each other. Can't we?"

B'Elanna had him nailed, and she knew it. Harry sighed again. Defeated. Can't get out of this one, Harry. May as well get it over with, he thought.

"Tom said he loved me."

Harry was ashamed. He blushed red and stared at the floor. B'Elanna looked surprised for a brief moment and stopped eating mid-bite. She quickly recovered.

"Well frankly, I'm not surprised. You two are very close, and its not surprising he cares so much about you."

Harry looked at her, shocked. She placed a hand on his arm to reassure him.

"We all care about you Harry. Just one big happy family on Voyager." Harry smiled, relieved.

"I suppose it happened so fast, I took it the wrong way."

"Right meaning, just the wrong words. Leave it to Tom to do that."

Harry laughed.

---

Harry was still smiling later that evening. The talk with B'Elanna had helped him immensely. His Bridge shift had passed without incident. Now all that left was to talk to Tom, tell him he loved him as well. He did love Tom. It was natural; Tom was his best friend. They'd been that way ever since. . . Harry smiled at the memory. . . Ever since Tom had rescued him from that Ferengi on Deep Space 9. Oh well... Time to call Tom. Harry reached his quarters, the door sliding open and shut with a hiss. Harry tapped his comm badge.

"Kim to Paris" Tom jumped. What the. . .? His mind raced. Here it comes, he thought. The end. He tapped his badge.

"Tom here" he said, a little tentatively. "What's up, Harry?"

"Can you come over? We need to talk." Tom groaned inwardly.

"Sure Harry. I'll be right over."

"Kim out" Tom sighed, and stood up. Ready for the inevitable, he left his quarters.

Harry grinned as he heard the door chime ring.

"Come on in" he called. Tom entered, and relaxed as he saw Harry grin. Smiling back, he sat down on the couch, at the other end from Harry.

"About what you said last night..." Harry began. Tom's smile faded from his lips.

"Oh God, Harry, I'm sorry." Harry stopped for a moment.

"You'r sorry? I'm sorry for overreacting!" Harry got up off the couch and started to walk around the room. Tom looked up at him, puzzled.

"I did a lot of thinking last night..." Harry smiled ruefully. "I guess. . . No, forget that. I love you too, Tom"

Now it was Tom's turn to be surprised. He stared at Harry, caught in a moment of disbelief, before his face broke out in a smile that spread across his face and up to his eyes.

"You. . ." he said, unable to finish his sentence. Harry nodded, smiling.

That was enough for Tom. He stood up, and covered the floor between them in 2 strides, seizing Harry in a bear hug.

"God Harry. . ." but trailed off.

Harry hugged him back, hard. My best friend, he thought. This feels right. Tom couldn't believe it. He had Harry, his Harry in his arms, and he'd just told him he loved him. Tom was overjoyed. This was right, how it was meant to be. Tom and Harry. Tom and Harry. Harry and Tom. Together. His Harry. He smiled at the thought. Perfect. Drawing back from Harry just enough to look at him, Tom saw he was smiling. Tom kept him still firmly in his arms. Holding Harry's gaze with his own, Slowly at first, Tom brought a hand up to cup Harry's face.

"I love you too" he said as he leant down and kissed him, full on the lips.

Revelling in the feeling of Harry's lips on his, a wave of emotion hit Tom, and he started kissing a path down to Harry's neck. Harry gasped in Tom's ear, providing direct encouragement.

Harry was stunned. While Tom held him so close, Harry felt pure contentment threaten to overwhelm him. He needed that contact between them. One more tie to bind the 2 of them so close. Tom's hold on Harry tightened. It shocked Harry out of his thoughts and with a loud "Tom!" pushed him away.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?"

Harry couldn't believe what happened. Tom was confused. Harry had said he loved him! Now what was happening?

"You said you..." he said, but couldn't force the words past his lips.

"I meant as friends, same as you!"

Tom staggered backwards, his knees giving out. He sat down heavily on the sofa. "Harry..." he whispered. Harry's hand flew to his mouth.

"Oh my God. You mean you. . ."

He swallowed, praying for Tom to deny the unspoken question. But Tom couldn't. To come this close to having what he wanted. Damn it, needed. Tom couldn't. He looked at Harry. As Harry looked into his eyes, he saw pain and. . . love? Longing?

"I. . ." was all Harry could say.

Tom knew what he meant. Standing up, he walked out of Harry's quarters without another word, heart weighed down and his chin against his chest. Harry barely saw the tears in his eyes.

---

It's sad (so sad). . .
It's a sad, sad situation
And its getting more and more absurd.
It's sad (so sad). . .
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh it seems to me
That Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

---

Tom was miserable. Same as he had been for the last 4 days since The Talk. He missed Harry's company, and worse still, Harry wasn't talking to him. He wouldn't even look at him on the Bridge unless it was absolutely necessary. Because Tom had done the unforgivable. He'd fallen in love with his best friend, and then kissed him. Tom was sat in his quarters. He didn't want to go to Sandrine's. He wasn't due on the Bridge for another 10 hours. He didn't want to go to Neelix' resort to be followed by a blonde bimbo in a swimsuit. What Tom wanted, more than anything, was to be with Harry. Just to talk with him, eat with him, laugh with him. Like they used to before. . .

Tom drifted into memory. He thought of the day he ruined the rest of his life. That memory clung to him and wouldn't let go. Harry's smell, his lips, the feel of him against him. Tom couldn't forget that. Never would. And - oh, Tom thought - the taste of his skin. Harry's skin was the same as the rest of him; deceptive. So soft, warm. . .

Tom closed his eyes and smiled. And fought back the tears.

---

Harry was in Sandrine's, trying in vain to get drunk on synthahol. Sandrine wormed her way up to him.

"Ah, 'arry. I have not seen you like this before. What is wrong?"

Harry smiled slightly. There was something about the woman. She had an unspoken rule that you were happy in here on she would want to know why.

"Where is Thomas tonight? He is not with you?"

"No" Harry said. "we had a. . . disagreement."

"Ahh, about a woman?" Sandrine winked at him.

"No.." Harry blushed. "Just something to do with work, that's all."

"Then go and talk to him. It can't hurt, can it not?"

Harry avoided the question. Talk to Tom? Not likely. Not yet.

"I have to go. Thanks Sandrine."

Sandrine smiled knowingly.

"But of course Monsieur 'arry. Anytime you like."

Harry left Sandrine's and headed back to his quarters. His eyes were drooping and he had a lot on his mind. Sleep was the first thing. Rounding the corner, the doors hissed open and closed behind him. Harry walked into his bedroom and stripped off his uniform. He pulled on an old T-shirt and a pair of boxers before collapsing into bed. Sleep came instantly.

-- Harry walked down the corridor to his quarters. He knew what was coming and was unsurprised when he walked in to find Tom Paris sprawled across his couch. Grinning, he pushed his legs off and sat down next to him. Tom sat up and draped his arm across his shoulders, drawing slow circles at the back of Harry's neck with one finger. Then, with one hand behind his head, pulled Harry in for a long slow kiss. Lips, tongue, the works. "Hello to you too" said Harry, against Tom's soft lips, and kissed him again. As they kissed, long, sweet, soft kisses, they stretched out alongside each other, across the sofa --


Harry woke up smiling.

"Tom" he whispered.

Then, waking up properly and realising it was only a dream, Harry's expression turned from one of pure happiness to on of worried fear. He'd dreamed of. . . Tom?? What was wrong with him?

Harry sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he went over his dream in his mind, part of his brain unable to believe it. The rational part of his brain began to analyse. Tom kissing him. Feelings brought up. Can't happen. Won't go away. Constantly reminded. Solution?

Remove the problem.

You're an idiot, you know that?

The small part of Harry's brain that understood the situation perfectly began to demand attention.

He loves you.

Pushing the voice to the back of his mind, Harry checked the time with the computer. An hour before his duty shift. Time for breakfast. Hauling himself into the bathroom, Harry shrugged off the T-shirt and boxers he habitually wore to bed and showered. He dried himself on a rough towel, and, picking up a fresh uniform, he began to dress.

No more Tom, no more problem. Solution: Don't go near him.

---

Over the next 3 weeks Harry saw as little of Tom as possible. He rarely spoke to him on the Bridge, no more than was necessary. He ate at different times, stayed longer on the Bridge. He made excuses to B'Elanna not to come to Sandrine's, or to Neelix' resort program when Tom was there. He spent more and more time alone in his quarters. Anything to stay away from Tom.

Tom was crushed. How could Harry do this to him? The man he loved more than anything was totally ignoring him. This really had to stop.

Deciding to go and have it out with Harry, Tom Paris left his quarters.

Harry raised the clarinet to his lips. Scanning the first line of the music with his eyes, he took a deep breath and. . .

...The doorbell buzzed. Sighing, he put down the instrument.

"Come on in" he called, and froze as he saw the familiar shape of the pilot.

"We need to talk."

Harry motioned for Tom to come in.

"I guess we do. Have a seat. You want a drink or something?"

"No, thanks."

Tom sat down on the sofa. Watching Tom warily, Harry sat in a single chair. Tom saw the looks Harry gave him, and that hurt.

"I'm not going to touch you, if that's what you're worried about." Tom said, watching for Harry's reaction.

"No, I'm not, really. It's just. . . difficult. After. . . After what happened."

"Do you mean the 'I love you' part or the 'kissing' part?" Tom said.

He tried to keep his face controlled, but seeing Harry this flustered was something to watch. Keeping his eyes half closed, he relaxed and leaned into the couch.

"I dunno, all of it, I guess. I mean, first you sprung that on me, then you kissed me. . ." Harry trailed off, as a brief look of happiness crossed Tom's face. Tom looked up.

"And now?" he said softly.

"I don't want to lose the best friend I've got." Harry replied, just as softly. Tom moved closer and Harry realised what that sounded like.. Encouragement? He sat back, and his voice took on a formal tone.

"Lets just forget this ever happened, huh? I don't want to break up over this."

Tom fell back, hurt.

"Sure, Harry. Anything you say."

He smiled quickly, at nothing in particular. Soon after, he made his excuses and left.

---

Weeks went by. Nothing spectacular happened. Tom and Harry rebuilt some of the bridges between them. It appeared to the crew that nothing had ever happened; just a minor blip in the friendship. But B'Elanna knew, and Tom and Harry. It was the unspoken subject.

Harry put it behind him instantly. Locked the week away in the back of his mind and concentrated on his work. He and B'Elanna spent a lot of time working together on various projects, sometimes with Tom's help.

Tom tried his hardest to get over Harry. Tried to ignore the images that filled his head every morning; images of Harry's jet black hair and tanned skin, of his dark brown eyes and easy smile. Oh, Tom thought, that smile. When it reached his eyes. . . Each time that thought reached him he'd shake himself mentally, thank God that he and Harry were friends, and move on, burying the hurt deep within himself. Ignore the pain, just as he had done all his life. Put on that Paris mask and get on with it. Same as usual.

---

Tom sauntered into Engineering. He felt pretty good, better than he had in a while. He hadn't thought about kissing Harry all day, a new record. But it was only 15:00 hours.

Looking for B'Elanna, he failed to see the young Ensign and collided with her as he rounded a corner.

Catching her before she fell, he looked her up and down in a single glance. Short ash-blonde hair framed her face, and bright green eyes looked up at him. Tom let her go.

"Sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going, Ensign.?"

"Monroe, Sir. Carla Monroe."

Tom bent down and picked up her PADD. He smiled at her, and the old Paris routine stepped in. Handing her the PADD, he continued.

"Call me Tom. I'd ask if you were new here, but I hate to ask silly questions. . ."

Carla laughed with Tom.

"Alright, Tom. Its no problem. I was just going off duty."

"In that case, please allow me to treat you to a drink of something. I have a few rations."

"You don't have to do that. . ." began Carla.

Tom waved her into silence. "My way of apologising. Please."

They left Engineering, the reason Tom was there in the first place forgotten. B'Elanna watched them go, shaking her head and grinning.

---

Harry dreamed. The same dreams he'd had on and off, but mainly on for over a month.

-- Harry woke, before his alarm. Slowly, his mind woke with his body and began the first thing in the morning questions. Who am I? Harry. Where am I? Voyager. Whose that? Tom. Rolling over to wallow, his face nuzzled into a warm neck, someone else's arms wrapped around him, holding him securely. Tom --

-- Harry walked down the corridor to his quarters. He knew what was coming and was unsurprised when he walked in to find Tom Paris sprawled across his couch. Grinning, he pushed his legs off and sat down next to him. Tom sat up and draped his arm across his shoulders, drawing slow circles at the back of Harry's neck with one finger. Then, with one hand behind his head, pulled Harry in for a long slow kiss. Lips, tongue, the works.

"Hello to you too" said Harry, against Tom's soft lips, and kissed him again. As they kissed, long, sweet, soft kisses, they stretched out alongside each other, across the sofa --

-- Harry sat by the window in his quarters. The door hissed open quietly behind him. He smiled. A slight slope in the cushions behind him and then a pair of arms, wrapped around his waist. Male arms. Tom--

---

Tom and Harry sat in Harry's quarters. They made small talk, mainly. Bridge Operations, relationships among the crew, and the new developments in Engineering.

"I hear you and B'Elanna have been working on a new power source again" said Tom.

"Yeah. All goes well, I won't be eating Neelix' food for at least 2 months"

"If you can pull this off, Harry Kim, I swear never to scam you out of rations ever again!"

Harry laughed.

"My mission just got personal!"

The pair laughed together. This was an old routine; If Harry rescued Tom from Neelix' food then he'd swear off scamming. He never did of course, but it was a well established, familiar routine.

"Hey, you wanna come to the resort tonight? Carla and I are. . ."

Harry broke him off.

"No, thanks. I replicated dinner and I would like to keep it down. Somehow, watching you two mush over each other isn't gonna help me do that"

The words were spoken lightly, but a tinge of annoyance crept into Harry's voice.

Damn them!! He was always on about Carla this, Carla that. Very rarely was it Harry and Tom anymore. Oh, he missed these times. They used to spend nearly every off-duty moment together, just talking and relaxing. But now it's Carla. Tom and Carla and sometimes Harry.

Harry tried to force it down. Then Tom spoke up and he lost it.

"Harry, what's wrong? Don't you like her or something? What's got you so irritated?"

"Nothing. Everything. I dunno, I guess I miss it when it was you and me all the time. We hardly ever have these times anymore, Tom, just us. Now it's us and Carla. Or you two and me. I dunno, I guess. . ." He trailed off.

Something in Tom's brain went click. He needed to get out of there, to think.

"So we won't see you tonight then?"

Harry scowled as Tom left the room, his walk purposeful and mind heavy.

---

What have I got to do to make you love me?
What have I got to do to make you care?

---

Tom steamed down the corridor. Entering his quarters with a devilish grin on his face, Tom thought.

Harry and you. You and Harry. You and Carla. You and Harry. Harry was jealous. Over you and Carla? Why? You and Harry. Me and you, he'd said. The pair of them seemed right. Natural. Tom and Harry. Harry and Tom. That kiss. . .

Woah, Tom! You're with another woman here! Remember her name? Carla? Nice girl, blonde hair? Green eyes? Not dark, blonde. And very female. Remember her before you start to devise a plan to win Harry physically.

Tom shook himself. He had to figure this out. Needed a confident. Harry? No. B'Elanna then? Too close to Carla, and Harry. That left Kes. Sweet and innocent, with a fresh way of looking at things.

"Paris to Kes"

"Kes here. What's up Tom?"

"Uh.. can we talk for a bit? In person."

"Sure. On my way." Kes arrived at Tom's quarters in minutes. They settled down on the couch and Tom began to tell Kes everything.

Her mouth fell open in surprise and she almost laughed. But the look on Tom's face was serious.

"You kissed him??!" she squeaked.

Tom nodded, gravely.

"What did he do?"

"He pushed me away. Thought I meant I loved him as a friend. God, Kes, it was awful. "

Tears came to Tom's eyes as he relived that day. He jumped as Kes placed a hand on his arm. She'd seen his eyes, blue crystal windows to his very soul, cloud over with tears.

Tom seemed to pull himself together. He continued, his voice barely audible.

"For an instant I was so happy. But that shattered. Then earlier we were sitting on the couch, just talking. I brought up Carla, and all of a sudden it was like wham. Straight at me. He was so jealous, I could hardly believe it. He kept talking about how it was always me and Carla this and that, and how we never spent any time alone anymore. I couldn't believe what I was hearing at first, but I know he's jealous. I think he feels it for me. I dunno, Kes. I mean I'm with Carla, but Harry. . ."

Kes smiled.

"I think you should break up with Carla. If you're in love with Harry then it's not fair to her. Or you."

Tom looked up, eyes shining. Whether it was joy, or grief, Kes couldn't tell. Possibly both. He cleared his throat and blinked, clearing his eyes. Raising a hand, he touched his Comm badge.

"Paris to Monroe"

Tom's voice was haunted and low. He sounded hesitant.

"Carla here. what's up, Tom?"

"We need to talk. Your quarters?"

A tinge of uncertainty entered her voice.

"Uh.. sure, Tom. See you in a minute."

Standing, Tom walked to the door. Kes followed. Before it opened, he turned and seized Kes in a hug. Just as quickly, he let her go and left.

---

Harry sat on the couch. His mind was currently occupied on why he was so jealous of Tom and Carla. That little annoying voice in his mind stepped up on stage, smiled at the cameras, took the microphone and proceeded to tell him.

You love him, you fool. You just can't admit that to yourself. You left Libby behind a long time ago. And face it. You weren't that well matched in the first place. If you had gotten married you'd hate each other by now.

Look at Tom. he's smart, funny, gorgeous. Need I go on? He loves you and you love him.

The voice broke of its running commentary as the door chimed. It was Tom. Tom looked upset and brilliantly happy all at once. The emotions contradicted and warred across his face.

"Harry..."

"Tom, what happened? You and Carla have a fight or something?"

"Well, yeah. But I finished with her, Harry. It's over."

Harry stood for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Geez, Tom, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"She cried. I said I was sorry. She asked why. I said I didn't think it would work and blamed myself. She threw something at me and I left."

"Well, uh, thanks, I think, but I meant what happened to you to make you want to finish it."

Pause.

"Was it me? Gods, Tom, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that. Maybe she'll. . ."

Tom waved him into silence. He stood up and paced a few steps. He turned away from Harry and stared at the floor, speaking quietly.

"It wasn't you. It was you. God, Harry, I dunno. I'm still in love with you. I know you don't want to hear this, Harry, but its true. Carla was, well, I guess a kind of a substitute. I treated her badly and I'm sorry for that. But she was willing, and when I closed my eyes I could imagine it was you I was holding. You I was kissing. I love you, Harry Kim. That isn't going to change anytime."

Harry sat quietly, taking it in. His mind played back the kiss and the dreams. He thought about it all.

A thick silence fell between the pair, as each became lost in thought.

Tom stood still, one arm wrapped around himself, his other hand covering his mouth. He could hardly believe what he'd just told Harry. True thought it was, he'd probably just ended a beautiful friendship.

Harry stood. Slowly, oh so slowly, he walked across the carpet to where Tom was standing, arm still wrapped around himself, like he was holding on for dear life. Standing behind him, he slid his arms around Tom's waist. One of them sighed. Harry let his forehead rest on Tom's back. As Harry tightened his hold, Tom covered his hands with his own.

"Harry. . ." he whispered, his voice almost on the point of cracking. "Don't do this unless. . ."

He broke off as Harry leaned up and brushed the back of Tom's neck with his lips. Sighing, Tom felt himself relax and lean back into Harry's touch.

"Don't do this unless what, Tom?"

Harry kissed Tom's neck again, applying a little more pressure. Waking out of the daze, he turned to face Harry.

"Unless you mean it, Harry. Don't do this to me unless you mean it. Because I can't take losing you again, Harry. I couldn't do that again."

Harry gazed at Tom. He caught his gaze and held it for a few long, long moments. Dark brown eyes locked into deep blue ones. Harry ran one hand slowly up Tom's arm to cup his cheek. Slowly, he ran a thumb over Tom's lips. Tom felt his eyes close as he kissed it. Harry's hand crept around the back of Tom's neck and long fingers tangled in blonde hair, caressing and feeling, learning and exciting.

Tom slid his arms up Harry's back to rest on his shoulder-blades. Drawing Harry closer to him.

Harry didn't resist when Tom leaned down to brush Harry's lips with his. He didn't resist when Tom wrapped his arms all the way around Harry, pulling him so close that nothing could come between them. Electricity flowed between the two, joined them in a life bond. One heart, one mind, one soul.

Harry threw himself into the kiss. He tightened his hold around Tom's neck and responded instantly.

The pair stood in Harry's quarters, kissing like they'd never get another chance, learning the others mouths, with lips and tongues and teeth. Slowly, Harry pulled Tom backwards until they lay stretched out on the couch, still kissing, sighing and holding.

---

A comm badge bleeped. No one noticed. It bleeped again.

"Janeway to Tom Paris, can you hear me?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, sorry Captain."

"Report to the Shuttlecraft Nova, please."

"Yes Captain. Understood."

Harry shifted position on the couch. The twosome had been gazing out at the stars, locked in one another's arms for the longest time. Tom hauled himself up, drawing Harry into his arms as he did so. As Tom leaned in to kiss Harry. . .

A comm badge beeped.

"Janeway to Ensign Kim."

Laughing quietly at the look of exasperation on Tom's face, Harry raised one hand to tap it.

"Kim here, Captain."

"Report to Shuttlecraft Nova, please." Harry looked up at Tom and grinned. Squeezing Tom's hand, he responded.

"Understood, Captain. Kim out."

Throwing their arms around each other again, the pair enjoyed a brief hug before releasing each other, reluctantly, and heading out of the door. It swept shut behind them, almost silently, on their own private universe. Waiting for them to return.

---

Captain Janeway stood outside the shuttlecraft. She smiled as she saw the two men enter, laughing and joking, touching a lot. Obviously flirting with each other.

As soon as they spotted her, both men straightened up and instantly became professionals, all signs of the jokes between them gone.

The Captain handed Harry a pad, and enjoyed a secret smile, as Harry realised she'd seen them. They didn't need words. Everything was evident in the two men's eyes, on show for the world to see.

"The Nebula outside has high energy readings of a type B'Elanna says is compatible with our systems. Mr Kim, I believe you have been working on the project?"

"Yes, Captain. B'Elanna and I were going to finish the tests tomorrow, but it looks like she beat me to it. Again."

Harry grinned, wryly. The Captain laughed slightly.

"Tom, your job is as ever to fly the shuttle. The currents are pretty strong, but you've handled worse. Harry, your job is to beam the plasma into the shuttle, then into Voyager's cargo bay."

"Aye, Captain." Both men replied in unison.

Janeway would've sworn she saw something else in the two men's eyes as they glanced at each other, sharing the hint of a smile before turning and climbing into the shuttlecraft.

---

What do I do when lightening strikes me?
- Elton John.

---

End