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These Are Words
by Terranfem
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December 1998
Introductory: This is a very short piece of Harry angst that came to me
while listening to a song from Les Miserables and Eponine singing this
phrase, "These are words he'll never say to me," which was
her lament because of her unrequited love for Marius.
Disclaimer: All Star Trek characters belong to Paramount. No copyright
infringements intended. "Les Miserables" belongs to its
producers.
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Tonight my best friend Tom Paris is going to break my heart. Not that it
hadn't broke already when I first found out that he and B'Elanna
were serious about each other. But tonight is the worst.
I guess deep down I had always known this day would come. How could I
not? I've noticed how his blue eyes would sparkle at the sight of her.
How quickly a frown on his moodiest days would disappear at a slight
coaxing smile from her. I couldn't even manage that. He had confided
to me that being with B'Elanna was, and is, the best thing that ever
happened to him and that he would never let her go. He belonged to her.
Body and soul.
His words were the death knell to my hopes and dreams but he is my best
friend. He will never know the devastation his news would have on me. I
will not come between him and what makes him happy.
I also know B'Elanna loves him dearly. In fact, she told me what
happened between her and Tom when they were trapped in space and were
mere seconds from dying. She had finally confessed to Tom that she loved
him. Looking into her eyes, I see the truth of it. I see the same happiness
that surround Tom these days. I see fulfillment and contentment and love.
For each other.
And now Tom had shown me the ring. It was a beautiful diamond
engagement ring - one he will present to B'Elanna when he proposes
to her. God knows how I managed to come up with some semblance of a
congratulatory smile on my face while inside I was coming apart.
He was so excited and almost giddy with his news. He told me I was the
first person to know that he was going to propose to B'Elanna. Tom was
wrong though. B'Elanna knew. She had already told me that she had a
feeling that Tom was going to propose. How did she know? Who knows? I
guess women have some gut instinct that tells them that they're going
to be proposed to.
He even rehearsed his proposal speech on me. He wanted to get it just
right, he said. He had been thinking of doing it with Megan or Jenny but
knew he couldn't trust them to keep their mouths shut and go blabbing
to the chief engineer. I must have been a total idiot or a masochist
because I volunteered he practice on me. So while he was pretending that I
was B'Elanna, I sat there making believe that he was speaking those
lovely romantic words to ME. My heart hammered so loudly in my
chest when he clasped my hand, looked deep into my eyes and, in all
seriousness, asked, "Will you marry me?". It was all I could do
not to fling myself into his arms and yell out "Yes! Yes! Yes!".
But I didn't. My whispered "Yes" was a breathy affirmation
for B'Elanna.
Tonight, Tom is going to break my heart. They're in his quarters now.
I can picture Tom on bended knee holding out the ring to B'Elanna.
I press my hands tight against my ears but I cannot drown out the words in
my head of what Tom is probably saying to her right now. "I love
you," he's declaring passionately. "Will you marry
me?" would be his ardent imploration. Although he had said those
words to me, it was only pretend. It would never be for real. And it is at this
point that I can no longer stop myself from breaking down and crying for these
are words he'll never say to me. Not to me. Not ever to me.
---
End
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