Jealous of A Dream
by Terranfem
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March 1999

Archive: Archive only at my webpage and PacKage.

Spoilers: Contains descriptions and a few lines of dialogue from the episode "Waking Moments."

Disclaimer: All Star Trek characters belong to Paramount. No copyright infringements intended.

Big thanks to Stef for the comments and feedback!

Author's heartfelt apology: First off, I want to apologize for being so late on the new member requirement of posting a story within the first month of joining. I was working on a different P/K story that was supposed to be my first PacKage story but got stuck on it. I found this story that I started last year, occurring after the "Waking Moments" episode, and took me awhile to finish. This was also supposed to be a PG-13 story but somehow became an R.

Feedback: Comments/praises/constructive criticisms are quite welcome.

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Seven. Of all the people Harry could dream about, why did it have to be about our resident buxom Borg? To say that I was dismayed would be an understatement and I now regretted asking Harry to tell me about his dream. He had been unusually tightlipped about it which should have clued me in that whatever it was Harry had dreamt about, I wouldn't like it. But my curiosity nagged at me so I cajoled. And I pleaded. I promised it wouldn't upset me. And I did tell him about my dream about almost crashing the shuttle. If I could tell him my dream, why couldn't he tell me his?

I waited for another opportunity to bring up the subject again. We had settled down comfortably in his couch one late evening after our shifts. I was resting my head on his lap, his hand stroking my hair haphazardly then smoothing it again.

"Harry?" I reached up to still his stroking fingers.

"Yeah, love?" He twisted his hand so he could twine his fingers with mine.

"Why won't you tell me your dream?"

A long sigh of exasperation escaped from his lips. "Because it's not important, Tom."

"If it's not important, then why won't you tell me?" I reasoned. "C'mon. I'd really like to hear it. Please?"

Harry smiled drily. "You're not going to stop asking until I tell you, right?"

"Nope," I grinned back and tried not to look too triumphant.

He shook his head helplessly at me, ruffled my hair again then nodded. "All right," he finally capitulated.

Yes! I crowed silently.

The dream started innocently enough, Harry began. He was on his way back to his quarters when Seven intercepted him in the corridors and requested his help in Jeffries Tube 37 Alpha. He had half-protested, saying that he had just gotten off his duty shift but Seven said it was urgent so off he went with her.

I smiled at this part. Even in his dreams, Harry was always willing to help out.

Seven had led Harry down the Jeffries Tube. I nodded. So far, the dream seemed harmless enough and I was wondering why Harry was reluctant to tell me this. His next words, however, quickly erased the smile from my face. Seven didn't want him to check the power couplings at all but rather had used it as an excuse to get Harry all alone. Then, Harry said, she pushed him against the wall and kissed him. She kissed my Harry!

I raised myself off his lap. "Did you kiss her back?" I wondered how I managed to sound calm and matter-of-fact when my heart was pounding nervously while I waited for Harry's response. Dreading what he was going to say yet somehow knowing what his answer would be even before he said it.

In a quiet voice, Harry confessed that, yes, in his dream he had responded to her kiss. "But the dream doesn't mean anything, Tom!" The words rushed out, a stricken look coming over his face. "I don't know why I dreamt about her. It could have been just the alien's influence?" Harry attempted an explanation as the silence stretched uncomfortably. "Or the result of Neelix's cooking?" he joked feebly.

I tried to smile at the joke but I felt myself going numb even as red hot jealousy welled up furiously inside me. Images of Harry and Seven kissing passionately bombarded me. It was just a dream, just a dream, I reminded myself desperately. I didn't want Harry to see how badly I was reacting to this. After all, I had begged him to tell me and I had reassured him that whatever his dream was it wouldn't bother me. I guess I was too proud to admit how wrong I was.

Harry reached for my hand, as if afraid I would pull away. I didn't. "Tom, the dream doesn't mean anything. I do like Seven but we're just good friends," he stated forcefully. "I love you, okay?" He squeezed my hand to emphasize his point.

I stared at his hand and longed to rage, "Then why? Why did you dream about her? Why didn't you dream about me?" But I kept silent. Jealousy was tightening up my chest but I didn't want Harry to feel guilty about this. Rationally, I knew most people couldn't control what they dream about, but emotionally that didn't make me feel any better. "Okay," I finally answered and forced a smile. "Thank you for telling me. It's okay, really," I reassured him when he looked doubtful still.

I don't know if he believed me, or maybe he also wanted to believe that it really was okay, but the worried lines on his face smoothed out. He pulled me into his arms and I wrapped myself tightly around him. Gods, how I love Harry! It scares me sometimes how much I care for this one person. Harry loves me too, I know that, but I still couldn't squash the fear that someday he'd wake up and realize that I was absolutely the wrong person for him and that he shouldn't love me anymore. What if I lost Harry? Seven, after all, was an attractive woman. And didn't they say that dreams sometimes reflect the subconscious mind's desires?

I fiercely shoved that thought aside. I would just have to do my best to deal with this. Maybe the best thing to do was pretend that the dream never happened.

---

Fortunately for me, B'Elanna kept Seven occupied at Engineering so there weren't many opportunities for Harry and Seven to actually be alone together for the next several days. I could even almost actually believe that Harry didn't dream of kissing Seven. My luck didn't last long, however. It was a quiet shift that late morning and I was at the helm supervising Gerron in the finer points of piloting a starship when I heard a chirp from the captain's console.

"Seven to Captain Janeway," the disembodied voice filled my ears.

"Go ahead, Seven," responded the captain.

"I require Ensign Kim's assistance in Jeffries Tube 37 Alpha."

"Of course. He's on his way."

Oh gods! That was the same Jeffries Tube where Harry dreamt about Seven! The jealousy that I thought had been buried and gone flared just as strongly when Harry first told me of his dream. But there was nothing I could do except nod nonchalantly at him as he walked to the turbolift and pretend that I was okay with the fact that he was going to meet Seven in the same place where he dreamt of kissing her. Yeah right!

It was only after he left that I became aware of my fingers digging so deep into the cushion of the helm chair that my knuckles were turning white. I forced myself to take a deep calming breath, ignoring the curious glance from Gerron. Who was I kidding? Pretending it never happened wasn't working. I wanted to run after Harry, get him away from her but I couldn't tell the captain not to send Harry because I was jealous of Seven. No, I would just have to find another way to get over this.

---

A few days later, I thought of something. It was silly, I knew, and a desperate effort on my part but it was the only way I could think of to purge the memory of Harry and Seven kissing. I was going to recreate Harry's dream of meeting Seven and how she had lured him into the Jeffries Tube. Only this time I would take her place. I only hoped that Harry would understand and wouldn't get angry with me.

I waited for him in the corridor that led towards his quarters, debating with myself whether to go through with this or not. This is stupid! one side of my mind argued. No, it's not! retorted the other. Damn! He's coming! Just do it!

He smiled and waved hello when he saw me. Taking a deep breath to bolster my resolve to go through with my plan, I approached and roughly thrust a padd at him.

"Ensign Kim, are you free?" I asked, adopting a formal tone.

He stared at the padd, then glanced at me, frowning a little in puzzlement. "Uh. . ." he responded hesitantly. "Yeah, I'm free. I just got off duty and I'm headed back to my quarters." He smiled provocatively at me. "Care to join me?"

It took all my self-control not to react to his not so subtle invitation. "It is urgent. I require your assistance in Jeffries Tube 37 Alpha," I intoned.

Recognition dawned in his eyes at the familiar words from his dream.

Please go along with this, I prayed.

He eyed me consideringly, tapping the padd on his palm.

Please, I entreated silently again. To my utmost relief, he simply nodded at me.

I turned and I could feel his gaze boring into my back as he obediently followed me to the turbolift. I stared intently at my own padd, looking up only when the turbolift doors opened.

Harry followed me down the steps leading to the Jeffries Tube and walked over to the computer panel. Dutifully, he scanned it but as we both knew, he found nothing and said so. "It looks to me like you aligned the power couplings perfectly," he declared.

"I did," I acknowledged.

"If you're so sure, then why did you get me to look at them?" he continued the role-playing. It felt so surreal how we were recreating his dream.

I closed the distance between us. "I've learned from observing certain crew members that humans sometimes require a. . . pretext. . . for being intimate with one another."

"Intimate?" Amazing how Harry can do 'clueless' so well.

He gasped as I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him none too gently against the wall. I pressed closer to him, my leg slipping between thighs that parted easily for me.

"Resistance is futile," I declared.

"I wasn't thinking about resisting," Harry submitted willingly. His eyelids fluttered close as I hungrily claimed his moist mouth in a bruisingly hard kiss. Gods, he tasted so good! I groaned into his mouth when he responded to my plundering tongue by pushing his own tongue into mine.

The need for air was the only thing that wrenched my mouth from Harry's but I couldn't resist not tasting him for long and moved to nuzzle the base of his throat, feeling it hum and vibrate with his little noises of pleasure. He arched up against me, strong hands cupping and kneading my buttocks effectively turning my legs to jelly.

I moaned in disappointment when his hands moved upwards, tugging my face away from his neck. I couldn't meet his eyes, focusing instead on some invisible lint on the yellow band of his uniform. "Why?" was all he asked but I knew what he was referring to.

My face flushed with embarrassment because in retrospect, I realized how foolish and adolescent my actions had been but I couldn't hold my feelings in anymore. "Why?" I repeated miserably. "Because I'm jealous, that's why! I can't forget that damned dream!"

"Oh, Tom. . ." Harry sighed. He crooked a finger under my chin, gently compelling me to meet his eyes. "You said you were okay with that." I braved myself to see annoyance in his eyes but saw only tender understanding.

"I lied," I admitted shakily. "I just couldn't help think that every time you'd be in a Jeffries Tube, all you'd remember was Seven and that kiss." I shuddered. "It was driving me crazy! I figured if we do your dream with me this time, you'd think about me instead. And you'll forget you ever had that dream!"

"Tom," Harry kissed me on the forehead, "You didn't have to do this. Seven is only a friend."

"I know but..."

A gentle finger on my lips hushed me."You have nothing to be jealous about but I think I understand why you wanted, even needed, to do this."

"I'm so afraid I'll lose you," I finally confessed my biggest fear, clutching at his shoulders.

Harry's warm hands framed my face, holding my gaze steady on him. "Listen to me, Tom." His voice was serious and earnest. "You trusted me before when we were just friends. Trust me now as your lover. I'm committed to our relationship. I'm committed to us. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to change that. Certainly not some dream," he snorted dismissively.

I gazed wonderingly into his eyes, hearing the firm conviction in his voice and acknowledging the truth of his words. At that moment, I realized I had been an idiot for even allowing my fears and jealousy to cloud the things that really mattered. I have always trusted Harry and deep down I know Harry loves me. How could I have been so foolish as to lose sight of it?

"I'm an idiot," I admitted, smiling ruefully.

"Yes, yes you are," he teasingly agreed.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

Harry laughed and pulled me tight against him. "I do love you, you know," he whispered. "There's no reason to be jealous, okay?"

"Okay," I smiled. And this time I really felt that it was okay. My jealousy and fears were slowly but steadily fading away in the light of love that beamed from Harry's eyes. "I love you."

I leaned down for a kiss but he moved his head away. My breath caught in my throat as dark eyes gleamed wickedly up at me. "Say, Tom," Harry drawled, a finger idly tracing a meandering path from my throat to my waist then back up again. "Last time I checked, this Jeffries Tube isn't scheduled for any maintenance work for at least a couple of hours." He planted soft tiny kisses on my face. "And I was thinking, what do you say if we, uh, create our own memories at Jeffries Tube 37 Alpha?" Harry murmured hotly against my mouth. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

Whoa! My eyebrows shot up at the delicious implication of his suggestion. Before I could say, "Hell, yeah!", he swiftly turned us around so that his hips were now pinning me against the wall. "Gods, Harry," I groaned as he slithered up and down my body. Hands possessively cupped my buttocks and pulled me tight against his hardness. Another groan was swallowed up when his mouth devoured mine for a passionate kiss.

"Well?" he grinned expectantly at me, breathing heavily as he broke off the kiss.

I blinked dazedly. What was the question again? Suddenly I remembered and grinned to myself. Judging from his smug grin, he probably knew I was going to say "yes" to whatever he suggests, but I couldn't resist teasing him a little bit.

"No," I retorted and almost chortled at the look of shocked incredulity in his eyes. "I think that's a great idea!" I amended impishly and Harry rolled his eyes.

"You!"

Uh-oh! Should have known better than to tease him when he still had me pinned to the wall. I howled with laughter as Harry retaliated by tickling me, sending me writhing helplessly against him.

Soon, however, his tickles slowed and eventually turned into soft caresses. Harry's heat permeated every pore in my body and I sighed as long fingers impatiently discarded my shirt. My moans echoed throughout the deserted chamber as his mouth lowered to greedily suck my nipples. I buried my hands into his soft dark hair, letting it slide silkily between my fingers.

"Any ideas yet?" Harry rasped as he began to thrust gently against my erection that was straining from its prison of cloth. It seemed Harry already had an idea that I liked!

Yes. . . yes. . . I wanted. . . I wanted. . . What I wanted was to get me and Harry naked now but all coherence dissolved in a cloud of passion and desire as Harry's thrusts became more frenzied. I pulled at his clothing but my fingers were fumbling in its haste.

A knowing smile lit up my lover's face. He eased off me and we tore our clothes off with quick dispatch. I almost crooned at the sight of that bared golden skin glowing in the muted lighting of the Jeffries Tube. With a soft lusty growl, Harry pounced and pinned me once more against the wall, the hot throbbing flesh of our erections rubbing against each other.

"Oh gods, please, Harry, faster," I begged, grabbing at his heaving buttocks. He complied, energetically pumping his hips faster and faster. I bucked my hips rhythmically with his. His gasps for breath were accompanied by frantic kisses and murmurings of my name.

"Tom!" A ragged scream tore from Harry's throat as he came hotly on my belly. His orgasm triggered my own and my hips jerked spasmodically. Harry reached between our bodies to stroke me, continuing to milk every drop. I groaned in satiation.

Trying to catch his breath, Harry collapsed on me, burying his head on my neck.

"Love you, Tom," he whispered.

I closed my eyes, feeling content and secure as I rested my head on his shoulder. Savoring being enclosed in the warmth of his arms. I smiled. "I know, Harry. I know."

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End